Overall Impression:A good beginning on a story. However, you need to work on your modifiers. Examples:
(1)Does cold modify frosty? Since it doesn't, Omit one or the other.
(2)At 3:30am is it morning, not night. Is the time important to the story? If not, you could create the imagry of darkness in other ways. How about: "It was a perfect night; moonless, starless, dimly-lit streets--ideal for the task at hand."
(3)The "figure" as you described as it should be described as a man or a woman. "It" could mean a cat or dog, an alien, a monkey, etc. Until you get to the point where "it" reaches under "its" black raincoat, we see it's a human. By the way, a black trenchcoat has a more mysterious sound than raincoat, don't you think? It would much better if you didn't refer to your antagonist as "it." And if you made it a woman, this would really grab the reader's attention. I know you don't want to do that, but it's just to show how you could grab the reader's interest with an unexpected opening.
(4)You've modified the word terrace as being little but, compared to what? A little terrace with three houses on it brings an image of three very small houses, one almost on top of the other. I wonder if a simpler description of "a group of three well-maintained houses" would give a better image?
(5)Another poor use of the word "little" as a modifier for the flower beds. Careless use of modifiers actually distract the reader. Flower beds is good enough. And another use of "little" girl when you have already described her as a tiny form in the bed. Child would be a better word.
Remember you don't want to tell the reader every minute detail, let them use their own imagination. Whenever you want to use a modifier, make sure that what it modifies is important to the story, and you aren't using it just because it sounds good to you as a writer.
Openening:The opening might be better if you described the child sleeping in her bed, then panning out to a person skulking (not creeping, that brings up the image of someone crawling on all fours)around the house. This sets up the scene much better because the reader knows that something bad is going to happen to the girl, who has a name, and looks like someone they might know.
Characters & Dialogue:Again, give your characters a little more flesh. Maybe even give the little girl a name, does she have blond curls, cupid bow's lips? Is the figure of the skulker tall or short? Are the eyes darting and unblinking? Again, avoid the "it" descriptor. "He" or "she" did this or that. If you want the reader to have any feeling one way or the other, you should also give a brief, introductory description of the kidnapper. I liked the image of the puffs of breath if you would have left off the modifier "little"
Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation:Work on this sentence:
"As her body went limp, the figure lifted it and with the little girl its arms it exited through the window as silently as it had come."
Another way you could describe the character of the kidnapper is how he treats her unconscious body. Notice the difference in these two sentences that follow:
"As her body went limp, he grabbed her and slipped out the window as silently as he had come."
"As her body went limp, he carefully covered her with her blanket and cradeling her in his arm, he slipped out the window as silently as he had come."
You have a habit of using the word "it" as a catch-all. In this sentence, you used the word four times. The reader has to guess which "it" you are talking about.
One misspelled word "The little girls breath..." should be "girl's" to show possessive form of the word.
Plot:As this is just a snippet of your story, there is no plot as yet.
Ending:As an end of the scene, this is well done.
Suggestions for Improvement:Don't use "it" when talking about human beings unless you are talking about a corpse, and even then be aware of how use the word. Another suggestion is to be more aware of the modifiers you use. I think you will see that one modifier you use a lot is "little" when it's not really needed. You had asked for specific comments. I hope my comments will help you to improve your writing.
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