|Greetings, While searching through your portfolio, I found this gem
The story of Laura, who recalls the address and revisits the house where she spent her childhood. The house, its foundation and grounds are the foundation of her life; more vital than the people with whom she shared the space. For Laura, this was not just where she belonged, but where she once thrived and was most alive, and the house, its shingles, its concrete drive and the trees that populated the grounds were as her companions.
The personality of Laura's non-sentient companions was vividly portrayed, alive as companions of her youth, as opposed to the people of her childhood, for she recalled them by their "grey disapproving looks." Whereas, "...an old apricot tree there that ruled the area with dark, reaching, full limbs." Laura's relationship with these, her companions, though related in third person is an active story, showing not telling, active not passive. The only passive reference is to the mortal companions, whose actions caused but one effect (it would be a spoiler were I to cite to that here).
The story comes full circle, and though I think Laura physically revisited the place, it doesn't matter if she did not, as the story lives in the telling.
There are but a few items that pull me out of the story for a moment. For example, there is some repetition of imagery which draws out setting the scene rather than the action. Being that the story unfolds with the relationship and interactions among Laura and the non-sentient companions, this takes me out of the story and I re-read the sentence to return.
For example, the third paragraph, which describes in detail a part of the residence (avoiding spoiler here) feels somewhat 'telling'. The descriptive sentences could likely be tightened into two vivid, active images, like the "old apricot tree..." above mentioned. Avoid the passive, "She could remember..." perhaps something like "she used to go back there..." These are just some examples and possibles to explain my thoughts. When a story is related as recalling the past, tight images showing the action, the memories, hold the reader in the story itself.
The finale, Laura's tale comes full circle, a fitting resolution to a story well told. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Kate - Writing & Reading
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