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1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review of White Houses  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see more of your work soon*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


What a beautiful, poignant story of renewed hope and life*Heart* I can envision the dancing slippers, received in such austere surroundings, as coming from the father absent at war, yet knowing what his daughter's heart desires*Heart*
One small comment here, her room would more likely be "austere" than "vacant" with the furniture specified???

The transition to the present, with the story of the young man under the "blooming oak tree" is set with vivid imagery that is near poetic ~ "Sunshine, held fugitive by the clouds' white heavenly cellars"*Heart* ~ and comparing the sunset with the departure of the young woman a good transition to the next scene, where the reason for her departure is made clear for this reader*Star* There is a lot of scenic description perhaps include a reference to music or sound to lead to the next transition forward??

The next transition to the man with the harmonica appears to be a different person, but I think it not; just a bit of discord that perhaps a reference to the prior scene with the man under the oak tree would solve???

The next image of Spring coming to an end, compelling the next season to begin, blends well for me with their walk and entering her house. The conversation between the two is natural and believable, and I am brought full circle to her once again being able, despite the intervening years, to dance, and dance*Heart*

Thank you for offering this beautiful story of hope, and life, and the possibility of living despite whatever... *Heart*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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152
152
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see more of your work soon*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This narrative in first person offers action, vivid description, and personal insights that bring the story to life, as if the reader were there speaking with the writer*Star*

The linear format from the accident to the end result and conclusion fits and is easy to follow, maintain the voice.

In the opening, consider using something like "...not my favorite event.." in place of 'destination' perhaps?? and the paragraph referencing the motel, specify perhaps "...to the motel where my friends had rented a room." ??? The conclusion is fitting to the style of the narrative, the message one to hold onto ~ despite what had occurred to one who truly lives life ~ while now taking care in Haney County*Thumbsup*

Thank you for offering this story of embracing life, and Living^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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153
153
Review of The Snowfall  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see more of your work soon*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I like this story of magic and miracles and hope*Star* Thomas, snowbound, catches a ride home with a trucker who is perhaps more than just an altruistic road jockey*Star*

The scene is vivid; I can see Thomas shivering, well told in third person. I would suggest however avoiding the omniscient statements, i.e., "Little did he know..." instead perhaps he could wonder "what if" or "could it be" ???

In the third paragraph, use of "Sure" twice; perhaps use "really" or "so glad to see you." ??

Thomas's introduction, "Everything was figured." ?? is what you meant to say; and also suggest personalizing the "stranger who" (in place of 'that'). Also, the paragraph beginning "The snowstorm wasn't letting up ... "You could barely see a foot in front of your nose." or something like that, instead of "you" a second time.

The ending paragraph, consider not using "Buzz" so frequently; either combine a sentence or two or refer to him as the driver in one of the occurrences.

Also, the end, where Thomas watches the rig disappear, consider holding Thomas's voice fast, with something like "He turned and the Rig was gone. How did it disappear so quickly? Could it have been one of God's angels watching over him?"

Thank you for offering this poignant story of hope and faith; whatever one's personal beliefs, it sings of a miracle and magic!

Keep Writing!
Kate
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154
154
Review of Lord of the Dream  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see more of your work soon*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


This is a beautiful love poem; a spirit embraces the ephemeral light of a spiritual love, then walks away from it, only to be sought after and return once again. A dance of eternal love. I envision a God or perhaps a Dragon seeking out this soul*Heart*

The opening command in each stanza, calling the spirit to dance, as the spirit traverses her mortal path, is described in vivid detail; and the rhyming adds a lyrical quality to each stanza. The conclusion brings the story full circle for me, emphasizing both the fleeting quality of joy and it's ultimate return for those who are ready to embrace it, but for awhile.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful 'dance.' ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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155
Review of Less than human  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see more of your work soon*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


WoW! This is so intense and, in truth, the actions describe some people I know who live in a virtual world, coming out only to enter their jobs as IT techs or programmers*Star*

Reading aloud, I see one who desires to live in the outer world, but the seed of interaction with other mortals does not compare to the virtual worlds he/she can create*Star*

Reading aloud, the rhyming adds synchronicity to the stanzas and there is some rhythm and balance in some of the similarly situated lines in the two full stanzas.

The conclusion is intense and relates feeling to the moon and loving to the sun for a sum that is, the 'soul.'*Star*

Thank you for sharing this poignant, powerfully written poem that remains with me after I have finished reading.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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156
156
Review of Wingless Angel  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see more of your work soon*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


I can see myself engaged in this battle; very vivid description of a battle that can have but one conclusion; end for one of the combatants. The opening scene, in particular, is very vivid and showing, taking the reader right to the battle*Star* and the conclusory statement is appropriate.

I see but a bit of showing and some repetitive word usage, i.e., beginning each of the first three paragraphs with "The" ~ perhaps consider the first simply starting with "Two bitter rivals..." I also see some showing in the second paragraph which perhaps could be tightened where Tino does not have to be mentioned as often, the reader understanding they are his actions being lived.

The finale, to verify that it's Zak's body now limp on the ground, perhaps something like "...Tino sliced off the head of Zak, leaving the headless body behind, limp on the ground." ????

This is likely a scene from a longer story, as the 'promise' is not referenced earlier, perhaps it could be noted somewhere with "Echoes of the past" ??

Thank you for offering this story of high fantasy ~ I look forward to reading more of your work soon ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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157
Review of My Love Is  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#989394 by ~*~Damiana Returned~*~ Author IconMail Icon


*Smile*I enjoyed reading your entry - hope to see more of your work soon*Smile*

*Star**Star**Star*


Your poem is a true joy to read*Heart* A tribute to a new love's hopeful promise and, reading your words, for you I can believe it unfolding as you proclaim*Star*

Reading aloud, as a free form poem, I do not seek rhyme but a cohesion and flow of images, which I find well met here. Each stanza poses a question then vividly answers same; with a linear timeline from the first spark of love to its eternal flame*Star* There is some rhythm in the question and answer with the definitive statement "My love is..." *Star*

I read your words and find myself once again imaginging and dreaming of such a love*Heart* Thank you.


Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Cubicle Chronicle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Been there, done that, yet you relate it so well; I can feel the intensity once again*Star*

Reading aloud, as a free form poem I do not seek rhyme, but a continuity and flow of imagery, which is well met*Star* The stops are logical and give pause for a moment for the image to sink in, before moving on to the next step in the ongoing battle of mortal vs. machine in the cubicle arena*Rolleyes*

A couple spots I noted a bit of discord ~ the single quotes around actions could be a bit more consistent (i.e., use around 'ctr-alt-del,' as well as the other functions used on; and the computer language quotes also the same, "9,8,7" as the machine counts down, and continue the numbers?? For me this would hold like two differing entities engaged in a battle only one can win (and I cheer heartily for the Winner, my fellow cube-ist*Bigsmile*).

Welcome to WDC and Thank you for sharing this delightful 'battle story' ~ I will envision again Monday morning when my computer in my cube doesn't quite feel like booting up*Rolleyes*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of The Mystery Date  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your story for Terrace Assignment #33 ~ I could see myself there with Dora and Marta, natural like girlfriends are*Smile*; you bring me into both Dora's and Marta's personality, making them real. At the Food Court, again very real and I can imagine this as a real mystery date with the potential for more to come*Heart*.

I note but a few occurrences of telling over showing or cliche. The opening could be more active rather than passive i.e., "Marta and I met for lunch at McDonalds" instead of "Marta had lunch with me"; and perhaps have Dora wipe her nose in place of 'snif' (like a screenplay). Consider eliminating a few redundant words, i.e., "Instead," just start with "She gave me two days. Also, more active, consider "Marta leapt nearly a foot in the air..." more accurate than "nearly leapt" the visual image of her jumping is there. So just a bit of tightening and this is a very vivid real interchange.

A tiny oops "he's agreed to meet you tonight at the food court." (I deleted the first "at") in the sentence; and they don't sit until the end, so suggest Dora dash off leaving Marta gaping after her or standing alone???

The first view of the 'mystery date' so realistic ~ I feel like I'm there on Dora's shoulder*Star* Suggest not going omniscient ("I could see he sincerely meant??") How - was he staring, holding hands, eyes gleaming????

Thank you for this joyour journey ~ there's still hope out there *Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading your interchange with respect to MARS and NEPTUNE and belief in general ~ how specious it can be. Each 'speaker' maintained a singular voice and I could identify each from their words without the nametags before I finished reading; like a conversation I was eavesdropping upon*Star* One voice is assertive, first person and demanding/commanding, where the second is passive, receptive, reaching or searching for something.

Beautifully rendered.

Reading aloud, I found cohesiveness in voice and fairly even rhythm; no grammar or otherwise nits.
Thank you for sharing this provocative, reflective work*Heart*

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161
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Review of Heaven  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your memory of 'my' first horseback riding lesson for the "Rising Stars" ~ I also was about the same age and dreamed from childhood of riding. Your images are so vivid, they brought mine back with the tender and exhilarating feeling*Star*

Reading aloud, there is some rhythm and the use of alliteration and assonance in places adds to engagement of all the senses*Star* (i.e., "Shining in shades of brown and black") ~ consider removing the sev'ral perhaps, it's implied in the image.

Also, the rhythm drops a bit in the stress words - consider starting the second line "My dream..." that 'dream' is highlighted and again eliminate 'seemed', since for a child it 'was' eternal.

for the rhythm, next stanza, consider adding "Its pleasure so deep and intense" for the rhythm?

To keep it immediate still, the fourth stanza "My hand will never forget" and "Beneath my black riding hat." ??? see how that sounds to you??

Also, last stanza, "My mare rocking me so tenderly," ???

*Star*On whole the earth no better place be found.*Star* ~ How True!

Thank you for taking me back to that time of innocent free joy with your words and images*Heart*

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Review of Time Puzzle  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for this vision of time eternal for the "Rising Stars" auction ~ thought-provoking and ethereal, time a mystery to be lived and embraced, whether "...no time" or "...all time."*Star*

As a poem, a couple places I had to return, the second line, "Life of all time, only lives together." ~ plural lives? or 'only living' ? or existing?

Also, the second stanza, the tense "scientists now prove Your point," or "scientists have proven Your point," ??

Thank you again for this powerfully written vision that remains with me after I have finished reading.*Star*

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Review of Drinking Memories  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed reading your vision memories for the Rising Stars ~ brought in second-hand cups (and thank you for the explanation - learned something new*Thumbsup*); and the etheree form was well met as to syllable count while portraying a cohesive story/image.

Reading aloud, stressing cups in the first three lines makes sense, and I would but suggest keeping a stress word on the end of the one split thought (7th line), perhaps "...Since these" (in place of "they")???

Thank you for sharing this vision, the image remains after I have finished reading*Star*

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164
Rated: E | (4.5)
Does embrace the essence of Walt Whitman's rhythmic poetic style ~ Evokes for me a sense of the 'story' of the traveler seeing the world through the 'eyes of a poet' in Whitman's "Leaves of Grass" *Star*

Related in first person as a narrative, then engaging all the senses with the images of what the traveler sees, senses, the end of the journey causing the reader to realize that though lone, the traveler at one with the essence of nature and life*Heart*

Reading aloud, the rhythm is fairly even throughout, the only discord I find in the second stanza, consider for the flow "meandering through fertile plains" (more immediate without 'the') ???

Thank you for sharing this vision that remains with me after I have finished reading ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thank you for offering this venue that invites the Muse to submit a challenging mystery!

As a forum, the opening is inviting, immediately describing what the host desires, and enticing writers to submit a story to challenge the judge to solve a mystery! Examples of published works by known authors is included to further exemplify the type of story that will merit prizes ~ which are very generous.*Smile*

The rules for posting, story criteria, word count are all clear and easy to locate, as is the judging criteria ~ detailed and set apart to focus attention.

One thing missing which is common in contest posts - gp contributions to the forum for prize fund or whatever ~ are they accepted-welcomed from contestants?

I hope to see this challenge continue for quite awhile ~ promises some delightfully twisted reading and perhaps a place to try my hand at a twisted mystery of my own ~ so I'm not sending gps with this review, just in case*Blush*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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166
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this free form poem, the mystery of life is the living is the message I gained, with each line affording another mystery to ponder and reflect upon!

As a free form poem, I do not seek rhyme, but a flow of imagery and a cohesive theme. The questions all relate one to the other, and the final line affords a satisfying solution to the mystery contemplated.*Star*

I find but two images that are a bit less tight, the image of autumn (the most beautiful season in my opinion), perhaps cite one example instead of the general transformation, i.e., something like touch a soft orange fall leaf??? and the next shifts voices with "contemplate" and "certainties" ~ suggest perhaps holding one tense, either "certainty" or "knowing" ?? perhaps

I thank you for this inspirational mystery and look forward to reading more of your insightful work^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
Keep Writing!
Kate
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167
167
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like the idea, posting a poll with links to additional polls. The answers told me what I knew ~ some insights as to career paths.

As a forum, the poll clearly describes the purpose, cites the resource, and the links work. The nature of the tests and the reason for the post itself is clear and the reader is invited to take the tests, then respond (or choose not to) to the poll. The poll selections and instant results are also easy to follow.

I see no errors or nits in the formatting, and hope to see this continue for awhile ~ will try some of the other polls linked from the original test^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

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Review of Please Say Hello  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an inviting Guest Book ~ the butterflies entice the visitor and the forum itself is friendly and inviting, makes one Want to leave a message of thanks or just a 'hello' ~ The posts are friendly as well, inviting visitors to return not only to the Guest Book, but the stay awhile and read more of this talented, altruistic writer's portfolio*Heart*

Hope to see this around for another visit.

Until then,
Keep Writing!
Kate


As a foru

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169
169
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I am so glad to see the precious Mousie back ^_^

As a forum, the image of the sweet mouse draws in the reader to continue on - the short list of rules and posting requirements are easy to follow. The forum posts are friendly with respect to updates.

I do question whether only one or more poems are permitted for consideration in a particular month?

Also I note cute poetic license ~ "there is no set prompts" *Wink*

Here's a token gp contribution ~ hope to see the sweet Mousie stay around for quite awhile ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of She The Gladiola  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star*Raiding Your Port for May 2007*Star*

Port Raid Contest


Vivid and evocative ~ I see the metaphor, while delighting in the vibrant scenes of nature, evoking all the senses with detailed imagery (i.e., {She screams reds and violets and azures"*Star*). I can envision a plain yet gentle spirit, expressing envy over the showy beauty of another, so flagrant that all want to possess it, yet they do not love her for herself. With subsequent readings, the pathos becomes more apparent, and I am drawn even more to the prescient and precious daisy *Heart*

Reading aloud, I do not seek a rhyme in the metaphor, and easily can follow the developing metaphor/message. The opening immediately draws me in and makes me ponder upon "eternal springtime" and the ending ~ showing the true tender beauty of insight and love, answers my question*Star*

There is some rhythm, and I would suggest some additional stops (commas) perhaps to allow for reflection and to show the change of action, i.e., second paragraph, after introducing "I am a daisy," "plain and white," to get the rhythm going while setting the image of one who acknowledges herself as she is. Fourth stanza, tense shifts, suggest keeping singular with "each a different shade..."

Fifth stanza, a pause (comma) after "command" in the third line to hold the action word before changing voice to the visitors, and again a pause sixth stanza, second line, to separate her action from that of the visitors beginning in the third line.

Also, use of the same word in two consecutive stanzas, consider substituting another visual for one of the occurrences of "color" ~ perhaps consider for the first "I envy her stature," (which could refer to both stature in size and standing in the community, status?)

The final image, of true love as opposed to overt adulation, poignantly and vividly rendered, stays with me after I have finished reading.

Thank you for offering this powerully written work!

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I absolutely Love being out in a Thunderstorm and my visit here evokes such a feeling (as thunder rumbles in the night sky above).

From the opening, the first salvo of raindrops, through the growing intensity (grouped and categorized into relevant portals), the storm builds to full fury as forecast, through to the aftereffects (I envision the rainbow after a cleansing thunderstorm).

The spacing, use of sky blue-rain blue color for the descriptions, and grouping all invite further reading; it's actually a story in and of itself*Star*

I look forward to a longer visit here as a source of knowledge, inspiration, and sheer entertainment*Smile*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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172
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Review of L'aura del Campo  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I enjoyed my first journey here, and know I will return for inspiration and encouragement.

I read a story of an altruistic person, a passionate writer, a gentle spirit, who encourages others by deed and word, each post offering original work to meditate or comment upon, inviting feedback not only for the author, but others featured.*Star*

I know I will return to this Terrace for inspiration, encouragement, and Delightful reading*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate

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173
173
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I am inspired by the focus and honesty in each post. The drive and commitment to writing is not merely a passion here (which it obviously is), but a way of life. I am seeking my own way of being able to exist as a funcitoning member of society while living my passion, which is writing. I know I will learn much here.

Focused, encouraging, and inviting posts all ~ I will return often to this Terrace when my Muse feels overwhelmed by the world.

Keep Writing!
Kate

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174
174
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your sestina ~ a life's journey, returning 'home' where one finds once again the wonder of the child within, brought full circle upon finding old letters penning dreams to recall the dreams once envisioned and written by the storyteller*Heart* Encouraged by voices that once spoke and lived and embraced life and left their missive for a seeker perhaps a century or more after their footprints no longer trod the earth*Heart*

I believe the sestina form is correctly met as to the use of the end words, and the final stanza at the conclusion expertly sums up the 'story' related in the poem as the writer finds herself and her muse inspired by the vision of past lives, encouraged to once again dream, and write*Star*

The sestina form does not require rhyme, but I found a near-mesmerizing quality to some of the images, recalling my own fantasy role playing in the attic, where common objects became whatever I imagined them to be, as did I*Star*

Reading aloud, it was easy to follow the story, and I could sense the wonder, then wistful recollection, followed by recalled anguish, which ultimately resulted in "embracing" hopeful recognition.(Beautiful opening image*Star**Heart*

I have but a few comments where I was a bit slowed
"Grandmother" and "grandmother" ~ suggest using one or the other consistently??

Second line ~ consider in place of "found" an action word for what is done, i.e., "I rescued from under..." or to have it hold it's own in the line, perhaps something like "Tucked into the eave..." ??? so it doesn't run like a long sentence???

The voice seems to switch back and forth a bit in some of the stanzas, i.e., the first relating to the letters and Grandfather, the house and attic ~
Perhaps consider more active for the letters, i.e., "How long had the words been waiting, and..."

The fifth line, "Grandfather...", consider a stop after "1927," in lieu of a quote??

"Before I lived, I pretended many lives up here in the dim, grey light." ~ *Star* just had to note this, it's Sublime*Heart*

Consider staying active in the second stanza to open the images ~ i.e.,
"Ballerina" or "Dancing in" (in place of "Remembering") a gown of green-sprigged calico, parasol twirling in soft evening light."

"Lifetimes passed peopled by grown children gone, I wandered home." ~ great transition from the story of the past, then consider keeping present and active as to what she is doing, i.e.,

"Soul quiet now, I peruse ancient words penned by those long dust." (again, Beautiful vivid image, just suggest keeping active ~ what she is doing now ~ reading, dreaming, stepping into the past lives once again, coming full circle so vividly portrayed in the balance of the stanza*Star*

"Far past the buried treasures I sought in my youth, those faded letters
Reveal[ed] a truth beyond any I once sought, waiting there, silent in the dust."{again, a wonderful image*Heart*

And a near-prophetic ending*Heart*

Thank you for sharing this provocative, powerful poem of seeking, reflection, and ultimately becoming whole^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

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175
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Review of Forgotten  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this stark, reflective vision, trying to recapture or recollect what might be, dreams or wishes, hope! Nothing can ever be made whole once lost or scattered. The wisp of a thought that shimmers on the corner of the mind before taking flight. A very contemplative poem ~ open to interpretation and reflection*Star*

There is some rhyming and rhythm to the opening stanza which adds a regularity to the search, then responds with what "...can not be found." The detailed description of the 'falling thoughts' 'shattering and burning on the frozen ground,' is so palpable and vivid, I can almost see words dropping to the ground*Star* Ending with the rhyming couplet brings the poem full circle, with a conclusion that's often all to true*Star*

Consider perhaps personalizing the sescond-last line, i.e., "...Trying to place them from whence/where they came," ??? either or in place of "which," to give me a better sense of a place, as if they had traveled???

"Re-organized thoughts are never the same."*Star* Sums up the writer's lament when a fleeting image/thought is lost before it can be put to paper or keyboard*Star*

Thank you for sharing this provocative work!
Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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