It is a nice poem. The reason I am giving it 4 stars will be obvious when you compare the first five with the latter 3 couplets. I am sure you would agree that the former flow more smoothly. The reason is that they have a constant pattern of 7 syllables per line, which you have not maintained in the latter.
Thanks for entering your poem in the "POETRY IN RHYME - RHYTHM CONTEST-winner" .
It is a nice sonnet. The continuity of life, the inevitability of birth after death, is well depicted here.
The end couplet is well expressed--
Though men, like leaves, may die as time goes by,
They live again through every baby’s cry.
It is a nice poem. It is written for children. I have three comments--
1--I find it extremely difficult to conjure up the image of an elephant that could fit with the lines--
There lived an elephant whose only role
Was rising on his two hind feet,
Away from the showery watering hole,
Reaching for bananas from a tree to eat…
>> An elephant outinely uses his trunk. He rarely rises on his hind feet, except in special circumstances. I have seen plenty of them. I live in India.
2--It does not much look like a children's poem. The latter type should preferably have fewer and shorter lines and simple words.
3--It is unusual to refer to a banana tree. It is, in fact, not a tree but a plant.
I am reviewing it because I am a co-judge for the poetry part of the contest.
It is a nice poem. There are no mistakes. The message is clear. You have used the prompt in a highly unique manner, writing this poem in 9 verses with 9 syllables in each line, as per the spirit of the contest.
It is very well written. Yet, I feel as if it is incomplete. The article reproduces a poem at length, and then ends. I expected it to tell more about Manchuria than end with a poem.
In any case, it is nice to read. It is, pleasantly, free of any mistakes whatsoever.
It is a nice poem, with a very unique idea. Rhyme is well maintained. Some of the lines have 11 syllables in place of 10. One example is real, which is a 2 syllable word, while really has 3 syllables.
This is a very well written story. It has thrill, suspense and emotion. The language is largely free of mistakes. The style is interesting. It deserves full 5 stars.
This is a beautiful sonnet. The thoughts and emotions are rich, simple and clear, expressed using ordinary words to great effect. There are no mistakes.
It's a nice little story that may generates different thoughts in different people.
In the dog, it possibly generates the thought: "Can't these humans leave me alone even when I don't need them? Why do they think I can't find my way to the woods myself with they trying to guide me?"
In the mind of the lady readers, there might be a myriad thoughts, as usual, which are beyond me. However, I can think of a few simple ones:
--Oh, What a fool the lady was! Just imagine throwing away a beautiful pair of high wedge shoes just because she tripped while trying to run saving a dog! After all, why run with high wedge shoes? Ther are not meant for that. And, surely, she should have practiced better before using them on the highway.
--Yes. Those high wedge shoes are no good. I was never comfortable with mine. It is good she threw them away.
In the mind of the lady readers, the thoughts might be something like this: "Oh, these ladies and their dress and hair and purse and shoes. They must have a hundred of each, to be replace every year with changing fasions!
In the mind of the guardian angel, the thoughts might be like: I never thought my job would include saving ladies who run on the highway chasing dogs in high wedge shoes!
After all, what is a write worth if it does not make the reader think? Your story certainly wins on that count hands down.
This is a cute little poem that is interesting as well as original in its aproach, having a limerick like quality as regards the message and its presentation. The ending is quite apt.
While the other two poems of yours that I reviewed today might have scope for expansion, the present one is just perfect. The length of a poem is immaterial as long as it is crisp in delivering the intended message. After all, a haiku has but 17 syllables!
Here is a poem in simple but appealing words dripping with sadness and emotion born of a daughter calling the mother to tell her that she chose to live with dad rather than her. To which mother would that not be heart-breaking ?
SUGGESTION
It would be better if you use ordinary letters. All caps [all capital letters] distract from easy reading.
It is a good, above average poem that describes in a few simple words the feelings of a woman who longs for admiration, afflicted as she is by overweight.
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