It is a nice poem. The dialogue between the widowed mother and the child who never say his father, killed in war, makes one think, with a tinge of sorrow.
You have used punctuation but, to me, it does not seem well used.When a statement / part is preceded and followed by a period, I would expect it to a grammatically complete statement. I don't find it so here.
As in--
Oh for mortals'
simple souls
and tender hearts
that break.
For gentle lovers'
Passion swells
Temptation
is at stake.
This poem shows what can be achieved with a few words arranged without a rhyme or syllabic scheme, yet in such a manner that they evince powerful emotions.
It is a unique sort of writing. The following are illuminating as well as interesting--
Words so far from the truth that meaning needs to be described
Attempted suicide is "manipulative self injurious behaviours"
Actual suicide is "asymmetric warfare committed against us"
Theft is "eviction of the poor and payment to the rich"
**
Subprime is "predatory loan-making to the impoverish"
>> impoverished
No sick joke this time as in the current climate its not needed
>> it's not needed.
It is a good poem. It is beautiful. You have written it in abab rhyme, which needs a bit of effort. With a little more effort, you could have kept the syllabic scheme constant. The counts are:
This is a good poem. It is good because it conveys a lot in a few words; has feeling; has a flow, manifest both as thought progresses and as reads it aloud; has no mistakes.
Poetry is that which conveys. Good poetry conveys a lot in a few words. That is what this poem does--in 26 words. One cannot escape the conclusion that you are a good poet.
It satisfies the structural criteria. However, I feel it lacks in emotional content / impact, which is a desirable quality in any poem, more so in a ghazal
Let me join the other 16 viewers in rating this as 5 star item!
You have managed to make an acrostic like an ordinary poem. That is what a good acrostic should be. It should stand on its own, not on the crutches of first letters that support a line.
I found that I have quite a few items in my port starting with the word WHY. if you want any of the why's interesting, helpyourself.
It is a nice poem.I have a few suggestions--
I waste my precious breathe and life on the simple question why? I think why this and why that, and for some reason no matter how easy the question is, if it has the word, that mysterious word, why, than all my knowledge is gone
>> precious breath [breathe is a verb]
>> why, then all my knowledge....
****************
LIST OF WHY'S---
WHY ASK A GIRL—"WHY ASK A GIRL" ,
[Don’t ask a girl what is in her heart.]
This is a good poem, describing in a subtle manner the pains of a childhood that was hard and rough, leaving scars on the life that has to follow in future.
This poem is difficult to read or comprehend in full not only because it is too long but also because the effort to read and understand it is effectively killed by problems posed in understanding it by too many grammar / punctuation / vocabulary problems.
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