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301
301
Review of This Head Is Open  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You wish so, intelligently you like to know, see, look, feel, and experience what is there inside your head if you are alive, I like and enjoyed the taletelling, and word imagery, and flow of thoughts.
1371 /W 06112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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302
302
Review of We Both Love  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your faith, belief in your love bound for all eternity, relationship is unconditional as you hope and wish your love will continue joyful; your love story is to shine eternally; I enjoyed the read.
1370 /W 06112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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303
303
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Telling is not restricted, freedom of expression is there, but in a world of glitches when it is run by some inefficient people, still you cannot impeach overconfidently; well said in a 24 syllable poem. 1369 /W 06112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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304
304
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Confluence and influence in our courses of living appears a singular conception, the philosophical concept is same for progressive living, well expressed, a good lesson for living, well said.

1368 /W 06112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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305
305
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic! I like the work, and I have enjoyed the read.

You may be interested to know the title of your poem is significant, if not catchy. You would like to note that I expect a title maybe in addition, expressive, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the work, in essence.

However, I do not like the title of the work.


Edit:
Introduction Speech
(An Introduction to a Speech)

Or,

(An Introductory Speech)

Or,

(A Speech Introduction)

Comments:
I do not like the title; I think it is not expressive; moreover, it does not appear correct to me, as we do not use or write ‘introduction book’, or ‘introduction lecture’, or ‘introduction meeting’, or ‘introduction interview’, or ‘introduction man’, or ‘introduction country’, or ‘introduction friend’, and the like.


I have just tried to offer you some suggested titles to read them expressive or appropriate.


Edit:
A speech introduction for Myst.
(This tells about a speech introduction for Myst.)

Or,
(This interview tells about a speech introduction for Myst.)

Or,
(This tells about an introduction to a speech for Myst.)

Comments:
This description about the interview is not expressive and I find it is grammatically incorrect, because it is not a complete sentence, as you have used a period or full-stop at the end of the groups of words to make it a sentence.

Edit:
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce to you a dear friend of mine. She’s one of those crazy Canadiens, eh?, and currently resides in Alberta.

(Ladies and gentlemen, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce to you a dear friend of mine. She is one of those crazy Canadians and currently, she resides in Alberta.)

Edit:
I can honestly say, we have been through thick and thin together going all the way back to when we first met -- about fifteen minutes ago. She has edited and written many newsletters for business and health care -- One of those attracting the attention of a major Canadian magazine.

(I can honestly say that we have been through thick and thin together, going all the way back to when, we first met, just about fifteen minutes ago. She has edited and written many newsletters for business and health care, one of those attracting the attention of a major Canadian magazine.)


Edit:

Speaking of attraction, her and her husband of many years have seven children -- A lovely family that has grown to include three grandchildren with two more on the way. She loves staying home to write and read. While she stands only five foot with raven-like hair, she stands tall in her household with the admiration of her family including Fuzzbutt, a pet schnollie. For those of you unaware, this is a cross between a schnauzer and border collie, or alternatively a new Canadian term for beer.

(Speaking of attraction, her husband and about her of many years, they have seven children; they are a lovely family that has grown to include three grandchildren with two more on the way. She loves staying home to read and write. While, she stands only five foot with raven-like hair, she stands tall in her household with the admiration of her family including Fuzzbutt, a pet schnollie. For those of you unaware, this is a cross between a schnauzer, and a border collie, or alternatively a new Canadian term for beer.)

Edit:
Her interests include documentaries, and television shows including House and What Would You Do? She revels in her children’s education as a home schooler, and has overcome gigantic obstacles in her life including caring for her ill mother in high school which prevented her from graduating, all the way until her mother passed away when she was the tender age of 16.

(Her interests include documentaries, and television shows including House and What Would You Do? She revels in her children’s education as a homeschooler, and has overcome gigantic obstacles in her life including caring for her ill mother in high school which prevented her from graduating, all the way until her mother had passed away when she was at her tender age of 16.)

Edit:

However, she persevered to attend university where she earned a bachelor’s degree in business and an honours degree in English. Truly, our guest has much to offer.

(However, she persevered to attend university where she earned a bachelor’s degree in Business and an honours degree in English. Truly, our guest has much to offer.)

Edit:
So, without further ado please give a polite round of applause to our featured guest speaker, and author extraordinaire, Myst!

(So, without further ado, please give a polite round of applause to our featured guest speaker, and our author extraordinaire, Myst.)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered just a few suggestions and comments you might need, and have changed words and have corrected the lines of the interview, grammatically, for better or expressive expressions.

Righteously, you are free, you are at free will or you are at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and or more pleasant read of your interview (work).

You would appreciate when your work is on public read and review, it is not a private affair, it should entertain, educate, inspire your readers, it should not be only for your own, personal or self-satisfaction-appreciation-understanding.

You would like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in August, 2010 and now I feel happy to send the first (1st) review of your work within about ten years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this work with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable And Or Enjoyable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1366 / Wednesday 06112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell





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306
306
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

I like this poem and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the story about carving out your name on stone and what would happen after your death, the word visuals, the word imagery, the free flow of thoughts, the rhythms of thematic maturation, the monologue flavour of narration, and the philosophic view about your end of life and after.

I have enjoyed the dramatic presentation of the story about your life and its coming to an end.

You may be interested to know the title of your poem is significant, if not catchy. You would like to note that I expect a title maybe in addition, expressive, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem, in essence.

Edit:
Carving Out My Name
(Carving out My Name)

Comments:
I have read many, many poems you have written and placed on public read and review. I never found a title of a poem where you have underlined the title. Here, on my computer screen and also on the copy file of my computer on screen, I see the title of the poem is underlined and I do not like an underlined title. I only write these words to let you know about the underlined title of your poem, really, it looks odd and I think it serves no special purpose.

Surprisingly enough, only the title of the poem is underlined and no other words or lines of the poem is.

Edit:
A weird poem about the end of my life.
(This is a weird poem about the end of my life.)

Or,

(A weird poem tells about the end of my life.)

Comments:
The sentence about description of the poem is not expressive and I find it is not grammatically correct.

Edit:
Who placed it
Quite unclear
Immovable
Impossible
Forever and ever

(Who placed it
was quite unclear
and it was immovable, impossible
forever and ever.)

Edit:
They could not allow a man
Such as I to face the end alone
Standing there in uncomfortable poses
They will say nothing
So will I
Carving out my name
Marking my place
Setting who I was
Into stone

(They could not allow a man
such as I am to face the end alone
standing there in uncomfortable poses.
They will say nothing
so I will,
carving out my name
marking my place
setting who I was
into stone.)

Edit:
Kind lies
Will be truthfully lent
A servant of God
Will speak on my behalf
Ignorant and blind

(Kind lies
will be truthfully lent.
A servant of God
will speak on my behalf
ignorant and blind.)

Edit:
Are those who knew me
In such a moment of time
They will let him carry on

(Are those who knew me
in such a moment of time
will they let him carry on?)

Edit:
When he is done
The reality of all that I’ve done
Will come back full on
Cursed in life
Blessed in death

(When he is done
the reality of all that I have done
will come back full on
cursed in life
blessed in death.)

Edit:
Hypocrisy reigns supreme
Amen will be said
Something I myself
Never truly meant

(Hypocrisy reigns supreme
Amen will be said and
something that I myself
never truly meant.)

Edit:
Flowers will be placed
Then forever all who came
Will turn and walk away
I will eternally remain
As motionless as the stone
That will shows those alive
Where it is I have gone…

(Flowers will be placed
then forever all who came
will turn and walk away.
I will eternally remain
as motionless as the stone
that will show those alive
where it is but, I have gone.)

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered just a few suggestions and comments you might need, and have changed words and have corrected the lines of the poem called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better or expressive expressions.

Righteously, you are free, you are at free will or you are at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and or more pleasant read of your poem.

You would appreciate when your work is on public read and review, it is not a private affair, it should entertain, educate, inspire your readers, it should not be only for your own, personal or self-satisfaction-appreciation-understanding.

You would like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in December, 2012 and now I feel happy to send the fifth (5th) review of your work (poem) within about seven years, after creation of your poem (work) placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable And Or Enjoyable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1364 / Tue 05112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell





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307
307
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the drama or the novel and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling.

But, I find no dramatic appeal or fact is shown, everything about the character is just narrated or told.

You may be interested to know the title of your novel is significant, if not catchy. You would like to note that I expect a title maybe in addition, expressive, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the novel.

However, I do not like the title of the drama or novel.

Edit:
A messy girl's first day
(A Messy Girl's First Day)

Comments:
I do not like a title is expressed underlined, I think it looks odd, and I find an underlined title serves no special purpose, as here on my computer screen I clearly see only the title is underlined and you have not used an underline under any other words or lines of your novel.

Generally, we do not underline only a title of a novel.

However, I have offered an edit of the title of the novel.

Comments:
You have mentioned the Genres: Drama, Teen of the novel, but I find there is only narrative taletelling and I find there is absence of real dramatic presentation of the character as everything is just said or told and not shown, I understand you have chosen to express everything so concisely, though, I do not understand if the character is of a teenager, as there is no introduction about age of the character.

Comments:
I do not understand whether it is a preface to the novel work in progress or something else, as you have not mentioned the work as a chapter or part or section of the novel.

Edit:
"The clock ticks real slow,
Especially, when nothing happens on your favour"
She was new there,
Very recently passed from the study-enjoy environment
To a work-pressure environment
She was not just new to those people out there
But also to a new world,
About which she heard but never seen
As she walked in through this morning,
A few Noticed her and she did one
While others are selecting their tools to approach her,
She already built her way to him
Their paths crossed and looked each other twice,
But failed to exchange words
While she was waiting for the day off,
This is how her pilot episode began on her first day at the office...


("The clock ticks real slow
especially, when nothing happens on your favour.")

Comments:
I do not understand anything about the speaker or speakers, nothing is clear, who speaks to whom, where, when, why and or what for. You have expressed nothing about the speakers or addressee or addressees.

Comments:
You have not used the Author’s Notes to help your readers to follow, understand and appreciate your work of novel.


Edit:
She was new there,
Very recently passed from the study-enjoy environment
To a work-pressure environment

(She was new there.
Very recently, she passed from the study-enjoy environment
to a work-pressure environment.)

Comments:
The lines are not expressive.

Edit:
She was not just new to those people out there
But also to a new world,
About which she heard but never seen
As she walked in through this morning,

(She was not just a newcomer to those people out there.
But, she was also a newcomer to a new world
about which she heard but had never seen
as she walked in through this morning.)

Comments:
The lines are not expressive and grammatically correct.

Edit:
A few Noticed her and she did one
While others are selecting their tools to approach her,
She already built her way to him

(A few noticed her and she did one
while others are selecting their tools to approach her
she already built her way to him.)

Comments:
In the lines above, the speakers or characters are not clear, and the lines are inexpressive.


Edit:
Their paths crossed and looked each other twice,
But failed to exchange words
While she was waiting for the day off,
This is how her pilot episode began on her first day at the office...

(Their paths crossed and looked each other twice
but, failed to exchange words
while she was waiting for the day off.
This is how her pilot episode began on her first day at the office.)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered just a few suggestions and comments you might need, and have changed words and have corrected the lines of the novel, grammatically, for better or expressive expressions.

Righteously, you are free, you are at free will or you are at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and or more pleasant read of your novel.

You would appreciate when your work is on public read and review, it is not a private affair, it should entertain, educate, inspire your readers, it should not be only for your own, personal or self-satisfaction-appreciation-understanding.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this novel with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable And Or Enjoyable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1363 / Tue 05112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
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WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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308
308
Review of Jayce's Profile  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this work and have enjoyed the read, the fictional order, the character, the details, the particulars including performance, the story about psychological profile and facts about whereabouts, and the flow of thoughts.


You may be interested to know the title of your work is significant, if not catchy.


Edit:
Jayce's Profile
(Jayce’s Profile)


Comments:
I do not like a title is underlined. I think an underlined title serves no special purpose. I see both on my computer screen and on my personal copy file on computer the title is shown underlined. And interestingly enough, only the title is underlined. There is no use of underline to any other words of the work.


You would like to know I feel good at writing this review of your fiction which you created in November, 2013 and now I feel happy to send the second (2nd) review of your work within about six years, after creation of your work of fiction placed on for public read and review.


Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fiction with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable And Or Enjoyable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1362 / Tue 05112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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309
309
Review of coastline  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the poem and have enjoyed the read, not in full, and the word visuals and the word imagery.

You may be interested to know the title of your poem is significant, if not catchy. You would like to note that I expect a title maybe in addition, expressive, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing.

However, I do not find the tile of the poem relates to the theme of the poem, and I think the title is neither appropriate, nor complete.

But, interestingly enough, I think the title of the poem has a metaphoric significance of the theme and I like it.

Edit:
coastline
(Coastline)

Edit:
Sometimes it’s “just”
(Sometimes, it is “just”)

Comments:
This is not expressive, it is not clear to me for I do not understand what you are actually meaning by the word ‘just’ and I never follow you what you have written in describing about the poem.

Comments:
Though, it is not hard to understand the meaning but it is only possible by assumption. Interestingly enough, being a reader of the work on public read and review, when time is precious, it is not good to invest my time in making assumption to understand what a writer writes.

Comments:
Truly speaking, I get no enjoyment in the read in full, the title, the description about the poem and the poem are not expressive, I understand and appreciate that you being a writer of the poem you obviously know your subject, theme, and everything and you get enjoyment and you may assume your readers may understand everything you have written, but you would appreciate, when your work is on public read and review, you know it is not a private affair, you are expected to think of and care for your readers’ enjoyment because your own or self-pleasure, self-enjoyment or self-pride is not enough.

Comments:
You have not used Author’s Notes to help the readers to appreciate and understand your style of expression.

Edit:
cherry coloured lips,
peach flavoured bubble gum.
sounds of the summer,
echoing through my ears.
memories engraved into the lines of my body.
memories of laughter,
and memories of you.
memories of us,
and the things we do,
the things we did,
and the things we were.
happy,
loved,
lost.
just kids.
with sand in between our toes,
and stars bundled between our fingers.
just you,
just me.
just us.


(Cherry coloured lips, peach
flavoured bubble gum
sound of the summer echoing
through my ears.)


(Memories engraved into the lines of my body.
Memories of laughter, memories of you
and memories of us
and the things we do
and the things we did
and the things we were.)


(Happy, loved, lost.
Just kids with sand in between our toes
and stars bundled between our fingers
just you, just me and just us.)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered just a few suggestions and comments you might need, and have changed words and have corrected the lines of the poem called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better or expressive expressions.

Righteously, you are free, you are at free will or you are at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and or more pleasant read of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable And Or Enjoyable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1360 / Tue 05112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
310
310
Review of Rain  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

This is a nice poem, I like and have enjoyed the read.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.


Edit:
I've learnt that the only way through,
Is with all yourself being true,
Because life is fierceful enough,
To make what's red turn into blue.
So you must learn to see beyond,
The happy faces and what lies within each grain,
For there's a power controlled by nature,
But it's too cloudy that I forgot it's name.
Oh yes, it's what comes after thunder,
And after each ray of light,
For life hides more than just secrets,
But here comes your turn to realize,
That the power I am seeking is rain.
For it washes all the faces,
Of whom are afraid to express their vain,
It washes out the fakeness and all the clones
Because what is the worth of seeking shelter,
In houses made of mud instead of stones?

(I have learnt that the only way through
is with all of you and yourself to be true
because, life is fierce enough
to make what is red turns into blue.
So, you must learn to see beyond
the happy faces and what lies within each grain
for power is there controlled by nature
but, it is too cloudy that I forgot its name.
Oh yes, it is what that comes after thunder
and after each ray of light
for life hides more than just secrets
but, here comes your turn to realize
that the power I am seeking is rain
for it washes all the faces
of whom we are afraid to express their vain
as it washes out the fakeness and all the clones
because, what is the worth of seeking shelter
in houses made of mud instead of stones?)

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1359/Mon 04112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
311
311
Review of The cat  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fantastic!

I like the poem and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling and the free flow of thoughts.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme.


Edit:
The cat
(The Cat)

Edit:
A poem about a cat i may do more on the subject. Again tell me what you think good or bad.
(A poem about a cat; I may do more on the subject. Again, tell me what you think good, or bad.)


Comments:
The sentences are not expressive.

Comments:
You have mentioned the Genres: Other, and it is not clear to me

Comments:
You have mentioned your poem as Rated: E • Other • Other, and it is not clear to me, for you have mentioned in the description part of the poem, under the title of the poem, your work a poem.

Comments:
You have not maintained uniformity of your expression in terms of rating and mentioning the genres of your work.


Edit:
The cat is fluffy, soft and kind
and can be very hard to find.
the cat is silent like the night
and is always ready for a fight.

(The cat is fluffy, soft and kind
and can be very hard to find.
The cat is silent like the night
and is always ready for a fight.)

Edit:
the cat is a playful, gentle thing
when i see one i want to sing.
the cat can jump and pounce
and uses this skill to catch a mouse.

(The cat is a playful, gentle thing
when I see one I want to sing.
The cat can jump and pounce
and uses this skill to catch a mouse.)

Edit:
The cat is loved like a family member
and is even given presents in december
The cat is independent and free
but still loves to come snuggle with me.

(The cat is loved like a family member
and is even given presents in December.
The cat is independent and free
but, still loves to come snuggle with me.)

Comments:
You have not followed uniformity in expression; somewhere you have not maintained grammatical rules.

Comments:
You have not used or maintained Author’s Notes to tell a word about your art and style of expression to help your readers to understand or follow you.

Comments:
You have put your work on public read and review and it is expected that you may think about your reader’s understanding of your style and work and the readers may enjoy your work.

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in September, 2011 and now I feel happy to send the third (3rd) review of your work within about nine years, after creation of your work (poem) placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1358/Mon 04112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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312
312
Review of For Your Blame  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

I have read and enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word imagery, the word visuals, the free flow of thoughts, the evaluation of your relationship with your mother since your birth, the monologue flavour of expression of your experience of living with your mother, the estimation of your state and status of blaming relationship with your mother.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem, in essence.

However, the title of the poem is not complete, I think.

Edit:
No therapy or intoxicating cocktail
Could ever save you and I

(No therapy or intoxicating cocktail
could ever save you and me.)

Edit:
I have come to live my life this way
There is nothing less that I can do

(I have come to live my life this way
there is nothing less than that I can do.)

Or,

(I have come to live my life this way
that there is nothing less than that I can do.)

Edit:
I could never hope to escape
In this infernal prison I’ll waste

(I could never hope to escape
from this infernal prison I will waste.)

Edit:
I pretend as best that I can
I can be quite convincing if need be

(I pretend at my best that I can
as I can be quite convincing if I need.)

Or,

(I pretend as best as I can
or, I can be quite convincing if needed.)

Edit:
But inside I know without question
That there is and will always be

(But, inside me I know it without question
that there it is and it will always be there.)

Or,

(But inside I know it without question
that there it is and there it will always be.)


Edit:
An emotionless chasm unable to be filled
Absolutely nothing is what you gave me

(An emotionless chasm is unable to be filled
absolutely nothing is there what you gave me.)

Or,

(An emotionless chasm is there unable to be filled.
Absolutely nothing is there what you gave me.)

Edit:
It is mine even if and when nothing else is
I know that I could never be anything

(It is mine even if, and when nothing else is there
I know that I could never be anybody.)

Or,

(Even if it is mine, and when nothing else is there.
I know that I could never be anything.)


Comments:
We generally do not use shortened forms of expressions, for example I’m for I am in poems for a poem is not expressed in a spoken form of expression.


Comments:
You have not used the Author’s Notes to say a word about your art and style of expression in order to help your readers to appreciate, understand and follow your expression and work easily and conveniently to get enjoyment in the read of your poem.


Comments:
You have not followed uniformity in expression, as you have used a period or full-stop at the end of a sentence that you have written for description about your poem, while you have not used any period or full-stop anywhere in the poem.


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in December, 2013 and now I feel happy to send the third (3rd) review of your work within about six years, after creation of your work of poem placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1355/Mon 04112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
313
313
Review of The Mentally Ill  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good poem about concentration. I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the philosophical point of view, spiritual purpose and objective and purpose of righteous living, the word visuals, the word imagery, the free flow of thoughts, and the rhythms of thoughts.

That we should not lose our concentration, the power of our mind, as God has gifted us with some instincts to use our qualities and abilities and we should acquire and achieve our power and abilities to act towards our objective and purpose of living.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.

However, the title of the poem is not expressive and complete.

Edit:
God has left an enormous wealth of untapped power
In the hands of the mentally ill,
But the public should not destroy these unlucky citizens
By seeking to rectify their lack of concentration
On worldly and personal affairs –
Concentration is an onerous, mind-numbing task
For these unfortunate souls;
We should let them embark
On their concerned, yet hopeful journeys
With the determined focus that they already generate
In overcoming their disheartening disabilities.

(God has left an enormous wealth of untapped power
in the hands of the mentally ill.
But, the public should not destroy these unlucky citizens
by seeking to rectify their lack of concentration
on worldly and personal affairs.
Concentration is an onerous, mind-numbing task
for these unfortunate souls.
We should let them embark
on their concerned, yet hopeful journeys
with the determined focus that they already generate
in overcoming their disheartening disabilities.)

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in April, 2010 and now I feel happy to send the first (1st) review of your work within about ten years, after creation of your work of poem placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1353/Sun 03112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
314
314
Review of Quickly Ahead  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the story and have enjoyed, not in full, the taletelling, thoughtful analysis and viewpoint of your thought and appreciation of living and understanding about someone.

I find the title of the prose is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the prose.

However, I think the title is not clear and not expressive.

Edit:
inspirational prose
(This is an inspirational prose.)

Comments:
The description about the prose is not expressive and it is not grammatically correct.

Though it is not hard to understand what you wish to mean by it, but, you would appreciate, maybe you think so, a writer is expected to write expressively and clearly so that his readers can enjoy the read, because, you know, time is precious, and your readers may not enjoy the read, as you assume or presume your readers are intelligent, but it is not good, after all, your work is put on public read and review and while time is precious, all your readers may not like to invest their time in assuming or presuming about anything you write.

Moreover, a writer knows his work, subject, theme, and everything clearly and by writing he gets own or self-enjoyment, self-pride, self-entertainment but he is expected to think of and care for his readers’ enjoyment or entertainment equally and that is possible by writing everything fully, clearly, explicitly and expressively.

As we know nothing is so hard to understand, but only understanding, that too on assumption or using intelligence is not enough or right, a writer has to help readers appreciate, understand and enjoy the work purposively, otherwise, there is no use of a writer placing or putting his work or writing on public read and review.

Edit:
it was always the slightest breeze that caught my attention.
it was always the slightest thought from me to you;
the wind and the air, like your eyes, do I want more or less?

(It was always the slightest breeze that caught my attention.
It was always the slightest thought from me to you.
The wind and the air, are like your eyes, do I want more or less?)

Edit:
a gentle but brisk indifference, it was always the thought of not giving it your all admist diversity. it brings me back, all the way back; to uncertainty, to chaos, to real, but torn to a million pieces.

(A gentle but brisk indifference; it was always the thought of not giving it your all amidst diversity. It brings me back, all the way back; to uncertainty, to chaos, to real, but torn me into a million pieces.)

Edit:
shattered and damaged but moving forward quickly ahead like the wind. it was always the thought, and just a thought, that when the ideal comes crashing down; so does my heart. is it an inner battle? or will I always fight against the grain and lead it to a brighter future, a brighter path, and a brush off the shoulders.

(Shattered and damaged but, moving forward quickly ahead like the wind, it was always the thought, and just a thought, that when the ideal comes crashing down; so does my heart. Is it an inner battle? Or will I always fight against the grain? And will it lead me it to a brighter future, a brighter path, and a brush off the shoulders?)

Edit:
I don't know, and will never know, but I find it's best to not know than know everything at once. all I will ever know, is that asking questions, and knowing you, changed me forever.

(I do not know, and will never know, but I find it is best not to know than knowing everything at once. All I will ever know; is that asking questions, and knowing you, have changed me forever.)

Comments:
We generally use shortened forms, for example I’m for I am, in speaking or our spoken language, and I think a story is expressed in written form.
I understand there is no hard and fast rule about using shortened forms in a story.

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines of the story, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your story.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this story with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1352/Sun 03112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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315
315
Review of A Sock Dilemma  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a good Traditional Go Vat poem, in two stanzas, in six lines, I like as you have a good taletelling about a sock dilemma, you are in a real dilemma what to wear because, you have a pair of mismatched socks, one black and the other one is white.

The comedy is this that you cannot wear the pair of socks, so you think what to do with them, so you are in a dilemma, whether to keep or throw or hide it; well said, well done.

I like and have enjoyed the read; it is easy to relate to the situation.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in January, 2012 and now I feel happy to send the 7th (seventh) review of your work within about eight years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1349/Sun 03112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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316
316
Review of 21 Hours  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

I like the poem and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word visuals, the word imagery, and the free flow of thoughts.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.

However, the title is not clear to me.

Edit:
I'll wait for you to count the hours too
(I will wait for you to count the hours too.)

Comments:
In general, we do not use shortened forms, for example I’m for I am, in a poem.

Though, I know there is no hard and fast rule for use of shortened forms in a poem, but, I think shortened forms are used for speaking, and a poem is expressed in a written form.

Edit:
21 hours I'll wait
To hear your voice
(Your words sound like poetry)
To watch you throw back your head and laugh
(You never close your eyes though)
And to try not to get lost in those eyes
(Did you know that they remind me of summer rain?)

(21 hours I will wait
to hear your voice
(your words sound like poetry)
and to watch you throw back your head and laugh
(you never close your eyes though)
and to try not to get lost in those eyes
(did you know that they remind me of summer rain?))


Comments:
You have not used your Author’s Notes to help readers to follow your art and style of expression and help them understand and appreciate your poem.

You have not maintained uniformity in expression, as it is evident, you have used lesser punctuation, and you have not used any Author’s Notes.

Edit:
21 hours I'll wait
To notice how you close you stand
(What would you do if I ran my fingers through your hair?)
To take the long way around
(Because maybe I'll run into you)
To try and keep my walls up
(Even though I know you'll just knock them down)

(21 hours I will wait
to notice how you close your stand
(what would you do if I ran my fingers through your hair?)
To take the long way around
(because, maybe I will run into you)
to try and keep my walls up
(even though, I know you will just knock them down).

Edit:
21 hours I'll wait
And you know that I'll wait longer
Until you to count the hours

(21 hours I will wait
and you know that I will wait longer
until you too count the hours.)


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created recently and now I feel happy to send the first review of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1347/Sat 02112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
317
317
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic! Comedic!

I like and have enjoyed the read, the comedic flavour of taletelling, the word visuals, the word imagery, the free flow of thoughts, the rhythms of thoughts, and the funny story of a tooth.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
Liza Has A Loose Tooth
(Liza has a Loose Tooth)


Edit:
Liza has a loose tooth,
she can wiggle it with her tongue.
It shimmies and it sways,
as she begins to run and play,
with all her friends beneath a warming sun.

(Liza has a loose tooth.
She can wiggle it with her tongue.
It shimmies and it sways
as she begins to run and play
with all her friends under a warming sun.)

Edit:
Liza and her best friend,
were running north and south
"Look out!" she said
as they bumped heads
and her tooth jumped from her mouth.

(Liza and her best friend
were running north and south
"Look out!" she said,
as they bumped heads
and her tooth jumped out from her mouth.)

Edit:
Liza had a tooth loose,
now there’s nothing but a hole.
She covers up her smile
and hides it all the while
her teacher takes the roll.

(Liza had a tooth loose.
Now, there is nothing but a hole.
She covers up her smile
and hides it all the while
and when her teacher takes the roll.)

Edit:
Liza used to whistle,
she used to make such noise.
Now with her gap,
she can’t do that,
but can spit further than the boys.

(Liza used to whistle.
She used to make such a noise.
Now, with her gap
she cannot do that
but, she can spit further than the boys.)

Comments:
In general, we do not use shortened forms, for example I’m for I am, in poems, for I think the shortened forms are used in speaking and the poems are expressed in written form.
Though, I understand, there is no hard and fast rule for using a shortened form in a poem.

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in November, 2004 and now I feel happy to send the seventeenth review of your work within about fifteen years, after creation of your work (poem) placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1346/Sat 02112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
318
318
Review of Soup Stingy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

I like the poem (Rondeau), and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word imagery, the word visuals, and the free flow of thoughts in required syllables.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme and thematic appreciation of the poem.

Edit:
The luncheonette a busy place,
but he with scowl on bearded face
was stingy with the soup that day.

(The luncheonette is a busy place
but, he with scowl on bearded face
was stingy there with the soup that day.)

Edit:
My appetite for soup did stay
when looking at the wide array.
I tensed a bit when he did say,
“No soup for you.”

(My appetite for soup seemed to stay
when I looked at the wide array.
I tensed a bit when he did say
“No soup for you.”)

Edit:
The counter stools were silver-gray
and at the end where people pay
the counter had a lot of space;
I noticed flowers in a vase.
Still, I was feeling much dismay…
“No soup for you!”

(The counter stools were silver-gray
and at the end where people pay
the counter had a lot of space
I noticed flowers in a vase.
Still, I thought worrying much dismay
“No soup for you!”)

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in August, 2016 and now I feel happy to send the first (1st ) review of your work within about three years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1345/Sat 02112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
319
319
Review of Lost Balloon  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

This is really a nice poem, I like and I have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the guesswork about the position of the balloon, the free flow of thoughts, the word imagery and the word visuals.


I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.


Edit:
Lost Balloon
(Lost Balloon)


Comments:
Yes, on my computer screen and on the copy of your work on file on my computer, I see the only the title of the poem is underlined, and you know, I do not like a title is underlined, because it serves no special purpose, and it looks odd, I mean, it is neither good to look or read, an underlined title of a poem.


Comments:
I do not understand why you have mentioned the genres: Writing, for it is not clear to me.

Comments:
The first two lines are not expressive or clear to me, though I understand what you wish to say or express.


You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in July, 2012 and now I feel happy to send the second review of your work within about eight years, after creation of your work (poem) placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1343/Fri 01112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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320
320
Review of New View  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
So nice, you have done a good poem, I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word visuals and the word imagery.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.


Edit:
New View
(New View)

Comments:
On my computer screen and in the copy of your posting (poem), the title of the poem is shown underlined, and no other words are shown underlined, so I am helpless, as I see, I do not like either to see or read an underlined title of a poem, for I find there is no good reason of writing or expressing a title of a poem underlined.

Edit:
Quantum theory: physicists see the universe as a hologram.
(Quantum theory, physicists see the universe as a hologram.)
Or,
(This tells about quantum theory, the physicists see the universe as a hologram as per the theory.)

Comments:
The sentence is correct but I do not understand the expression in full or completely for I do not understand what it says and why, particularly, in the space description about the poem. I have tried to offer a better, clear and more expressive sentence, I think.

Edit:
I found a photograph of my dog and me,
A day at the beach, ten years old I believe.
My Nikon snapped it for a memory.
It’s 3-D rendered flat, mocking reality.

(I found a photograph of my dog and of mine.
A day at the beach, he was ten years old, I believe.
My Nikon snapped it for a memory.
Its 3-D rendered flat, mocking reality.)

Or,
(I found a photograph of my dog with me.)

Comments:
The first line is not expressive as you have used the word ‘me’ not as a possessive pronoun clearly.

The second line is not expressive, because the object is not clear to me, for the person about whom you are speaking is not clear as it is not clearly expressed. I cannot make out whether you are talking about you yourself or about your dog. I have assumed, you might be talking about your dog.

I think it is not good to think much and write anything on presumption or assumption, because, you know time is precious and your work is placed on public read and review.

As evidently, anything only what a writer understands is not enough for self-pleasure and self-enjoyment, for you would appreciate, readers’ enjoyment is equally important.

Edit:

But lo and behold, men of renown have found,
Columbus was wrong, the Earth’s not round.
Though boggling my mind, their math is sound.
Wonders fill my thoughts, where is this bound?

(But lo and behold, men of renown have found
Columbus was wrong, the Earth is not round.
Though boggling my mind, I find their math appears sound.
Wonders fill my thoughts, where this is bound.)

Comments:
Generally, we do not use shortened forms of words, for example, I’m as shortened word for I am, in a poem, for I know, shortened forms of words are used in speaking, and a poem is expressed in a written form of words.

Edit:
Depth and height imagined, they’re not really there.
The universe is 2-D, a hologram I hear.
Everything around us is distorted I fear.
It’s all in our minds, we’re crazy, oh dear!

(Depth and height imagined they are not really there.
The universe is 2-D, a hologram, I hear.
Everything around us is distorted, I fear.
It is all in our minds, we are crazy, oh dear!)

Edit:
I never lost that photograph of my dog and me.
The universe keeps everything forever you see.
Nothing disappears and there’s never a fee.
But toss this new view, I’m all dazed and woozy.

(I never lost that photograph of my dog and me.
The universe keeps everything forever you see.
Nothing disappears and there is never a fee.
But, toss this new view; I am all dazed and woozy.)

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in June, 2012 and now I feel happy to send the eleventh review of your work within about eight years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1342/Fri 01112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
321
321
Review of Beneath My Skin  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Well, you have narrated a story about your doing, likes, nature and habit, as your peculiarity in acting and activating in public is somewhat uncommon, you think and as you have expressed.

I like the taletelling, the free flow of thoughts and descriptive state of your personality in general and in public.

I think, projection of your persona is commonly uncommon, as it seems in your words of expression.

I find the title of the story is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing.

Though, the title relates to the theme of the fiction, however, I do not think the article is expressive or clear to me in terms of the thematic appreciation of the fiction.

Edit:
You might see me sitting at a small cafe table with a friend, drinking coffee and smiling. Trading artificial antecdotes of the days events, without ever addressing anything below the surface.

(You might see me sitting at a small cafe table with a friend, drinking coffee and smiling, and more trading artificial anecdotes of the day’s events, without ever addressing anything below the surface.)

Edit:
After listening for a few moments to their trials, it is apparent that they aren't interested in anothers.

(After listening for a few moments to their trials, it seems apparent that they aren't interested in another.)

Edit:
And.. opening my mouth, letting out the biggest, loudest, longest scream that could only be challenged by one being bludgeoned.

(I would feel, opening my mouth, letting out the biggest, loudest, longest scream that could only be challenged by one being bludgeoned.)

Comments:
These lines are inexpressive and not grammatically correct; I have tried to express them expressively and grammatically.

Edit:
My smile stays in place and for one more moment I am "in control". I leave the cafe, and I notice that the sides of my hands ache...

(My smile stays in place and for one more moment, I am in control. I leave the cafe, and I feel that the sides of my hands ache.)

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your story.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in April, 2005 and now I feel happy to send the fourth review of your work within about fifteen years, after creation of your work of fiction placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this fiction with us.

Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1340/Fri 01112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




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322
322
Review of FANDANGO  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Fantastic, I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the word visuals, the word imagery and the free flow of thoughts.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.

Edit:
FANDANGO
(Fandango)

Comments:
Title of a poem in all capital letters is not appreciable and I think it does not fulfil any additional purpose, for I think, for some specific reasons or purposes, in acrostic poems, poets are free to write titles in all capital letters, for example, if the name of the acrostic title is GOD, the acrostic poem will have three lines, each line to begin with each capital letter, say G, O, D making each line of the poem to begin with the use of each letter in capital, in order to keep the readers in memory of the title of an acrostic poem they read.
Besides, the word refers to the name of a dance, and it is good to write the name not in all capital letters.
You have not used Author’s Notes to help readers to follow your art and style of expression.

Edit:
watching flamenco dancers dance the Fandango
(Watching flamenco dancers dance the Fandango.)

Edit:
A dazzling display, Flamenco vivo,
the heart dances to Fandango.
Breaking open the pain from its maze,
Esmeralda, on stage, ablaze,

(A dazzling display, Flamenco vivo,
the heart dances to Fandango.
Breaking open the pain from its maze
Esmeralda, on stage, ablaze.)

Edit:
castanets clicking, right to my face,
mesmerizing in ruffles and lace,
bursting into fire, writhing in scorn,
on her lips a rose, not minding the thorn.

(Castanets clicking, right to my face
mesmerizing in ruffles and lace
bursting into fire writhing in scorn
on her lips a rose not minding the thorn.)

Edit:
Feverish in twists, serpentine in turns,
frills, feelings, passions, in love, in rage, burns.
flamboyant, sensuous, with lust,
Jorge, tossing his tambourine in stardust.

(Feverish in twists, serpentine in turns
frills, feelings, passions, in love, in rage, burns
flamboyant, sensuous, and with lust.
Jorge was tossing his tambourine in stardust.)

Edit:
As Jorge sways, you’re clapping;
inside my soul, Esmeralda is tapping.
Dancers bend in a tantalizing dip,
the champagne from your gaze I sip,

(As Jorge sways, you are clapping
inside my soul; Esmeralda is tapping.
Dancers bend in a tantalizing dip
the champagne from your gaze I sip.)

Comments:
The last two lines are not expressive to me, and it appears that you have used the poetic licence to maintain the rhymes, but you have not used Author’s Notes about this to help the readers to appreciate and follow your style of expression.

Edit:
I look into your eyes, now I have no shame,
the beat is in the blood, for I’m aflame.
My heart races in rapture and in joy,
I’m all woman tonight, not naive or coy.

In the fancy room of this late night café,
to you and to me, we shout Olé!

(I look into your eyes, and now I have no shame
the beat is in the blood, for I am aflame.
My heart races in rapture and in joy
for I am a woman (or woman) tonight, not naive or coy.

In the fancy room of this late night café
to you and to me, we all shout Olé!)

Comments:
Shortened forms like I’m for I am, for example, are generally not used in poems in written form for shortened forms are used for speaking in general. I have no objection, for I know there are no hard and fast rules about using shortened forms in poems. But, I do not like using shortened forms in poems in general.

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in November, 2001 and now I feel happy to send the 14th review of your work within about eighteen years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.
Keep Writing Anything Readable For Years! Nothing Impossible! R No.1339/Fri 01112019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
323
323
Review of Beginning  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Fantastic! You have composed an excellent Haiku poem. I like it and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the story about God’s creation, particularly how God must have created in the first week of His creation.

But I find the ironic order of expression about God’s creation.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.

Edit:
Theory
(Theory)

Comments:
I do not like a title of a poem may have an underline; I do not think by using an underline, a writer can highlight a title. The title is expected to stand at its worth and power. Besides, I know using underline in a title is not a good practice, as I think it is odd-looking.

I understand you wish to highlight the word and add some importance to the word by using underline, but I think it is redundant.

I know there is no hard and fast rule about such use of underline in a title of a poem. If you use underline to the title of a poem as your style of expression, in that case, I think, you might have used the Author’s Note to help readers to follow your order of expression. But, you have not used the Author’s Notes anyway.

Edit:
A haiku poem.
(This is a haiku poem.)

Comments:
This is inexpressive and I know this is not a sentence. As you have used a full-stop at the end of the expression, so I find the phrase or group of words or three words is incomplete and does not make a complete sentence.

Comments:
I do not understand the Genres: Other. And I think it is not appropriate. I find you have not given due attention in identifying or mentioning the genres of your work. You have assumed more about intelligence of the readers and have endorsed responsibility of identifying a right genre of your poem.

A poet who publishes or submits his work on public read and review is not expected to assume like this about the intelligence of his readers, because it is a public matter and no private affair.


In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, for better expressions.
You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in October, 2008 and now I feel happy to send the fourth review of your work within about eleven years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this Haiku poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1337/Thu 31102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
324
324
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic!

You have composed an excellent poem, I like. I have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the free flow of thoughts, the rhythms of thoughts, the gravity of theme, the word visuals, the word imagery and integrity of thought, honesty in expression of own thoughts and attitude towards living and experiencing life in reality, comparing the thoughts and practice and reality, and your flaws in appreciation of living.


I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.


Edit:
A weird poem about the exspansive nature of my journey through life and into my mind.
(A weird poem tells about the expansive nature of my journey through life and into my mind.)


Comments:
The sentence in the description part of the poem is inexpressive and grammatically incorrect.

Edit:
Randomness jammed together
Perfect sense to me
Nonsensical to all who see
With their blind eyes

(Randomness jammed together
perfect sense to me
nonsensical to all who see
with their blind eyes.)


Edit:
Subservient within their system of belief
They don’t always want to know
But I know that a story
Always must be told
Right or wrong has no bearing
So again here we are
You and I

(Subservient within their system of belief
they do not always want to know
but, I know that a story
always must be told
right or wrong has no bearing.
So, again here we are
you and I.)


Comments:
In general, we use shortened forms of words, for example, I’m for I am, in course of speaking or as spoken words, as we do not use shortened forms in a poem which is expressed in written forms.


Edit:
Down past my broken home
Out past these shattered bones
Is a place not truly known
A perilous wilderness of id
And the maddening circumstance
Of “what if”

(Down past my broken home
out past these shattered bones
is a place not truly known,
a perilous wilderness of id
and the maddening circumstance
of what if.)


Comments:
You have not used Author’s Notes giving a word about the art and the style of expression and writing your poem to help the readers to follow, understand and appreciate your poem easily and expressively.

I find you have used lesser punctuation, but you have not mentioned about this in your Author’s Notes.

It is nice that you assume readers are intelligent and they can understand everything by assuming anything required in case for appreciation and understanding. I being a reader wish and expect a poet is expected to maintain uniformity of expression for example either no use of punctuation (punctuation free) or lesser use of punctuation for clarity of purpose and for better appreciation and read of the poem.

I think it is sometimes confusing when you follow and maintain lesser punctuation in your expression.


Edit:
One hand does not always wash the other
Heavily stained is my soul
God pushes me around
Like a bully in a schoolyard
Test after test, I am growing weary
Because there is no choice in sight
Death will be no absolute release

(One hand does not always wash the other.
Heavily stained is my soul.
God pushes me around
like a bully in a schoolyard
test after test, and I am growing weary
because, there is no choice in sight.
Death will be no absolute release.)

Edit and Comments:
Not existing will change little
His power to subdue
His power to interfere
To put his finger in my eye
To kick me in the chest
Are not influenced by life

(Not existing will change a little.
His power to subdue and
His power to interfere
to put His finger in my eye
to kick me in the chest,
these are not influenced by life.)


Comments:
Some words have been changed in the lines above for better expressiveness or clarity of expression.


Edit:
Undeniable beauty should not be wasted upon me
The master understands, and if he doesn’t
Really, why should I give a rat’s ass
My faith, what I have as my own
Is no mountain, rather a wilderness of entanglement
A dark, ominous expanse of unknown things

(Undeniable beauty should not be wasted upon me.
The Master understands, and if He does not
really, why should I give a rat’s ass
my faith, what I have as my own?
Is no mountain, rather a wilderness of entanglement
a dark, ominous expanse of unknown things?)


Edit:
Things always just beyond the reach of my nose
Each step further into the void
Feels more and more like home
Each step backwards is a memory
Memories that I wish not to have
I am advancing closer to the end

(Things always are just beyond the reach of my nose.
Each step further into the void
feels more and more like home.
Each step backwards is a memory.
Memories that I wish not to have.
I am advancing closer to the end. )

Edit:
But still the answers that I seek could be
As far away as any impossible dream
So for me, walking into the darkness
Into the never-ending expansiveness of my mind
And more importantly my heart
Is really the only choice to be made
Each day I make it, each day I take a step
Further and further into weirdness enthralled…

(But, still the answers that I seek could be
as far away as any impossible dream.
So for me, walking into the darkness
is into the never-ending expansiveness of my mind
and more importantly my heart
is really the only choice to be made.
Each day I make it, each day I take a step
further and further into weirdness enthralled.)

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in September, 2012 and now I feel happy to send the fifth review of your work within about eight years, after creation of your poem placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1335/Thu 31102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
325
325
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic! I like the poem and have enjoyed the taletelling, the free flow of thoughts, the word visuals.

I find the title of the poem is significant, if not catchy. I expect a title maybe in addition, clear, complete, captivating, tricky, unforgettable and or attention-drawing. Though, the title relates to the theme of the poem.

Edit:
Intimate relations.
(A poem tells about intimate relations.)

Comments:
To describe a word about the poem, in the description space, you have written only two words to make a sentence, I find two words are inexpressive and do not make a complete sentence, evidently, you have used a full-stop after the two words. I have tried to express something expressively; I know you may like to write something else, though.

Edit:
this moment
in time
after night fall
we rhyme
while driving
my car
rolling thunder
goes far

(This moment
in time,
after night fall
we rhyme,
while driving
my car,
rolling thunder
goes far.)

Comments:
You have not used Author’s Notes giving a word or hint about the theme of the poem and to help readers to follow the style and the art of expression or writing your poem, and or to help understand, appreciate and enjoy the poem.

Edit:
don't fear
my spear
come near
my spear
sincere
my spear
revere
my spear

(Do not fear
my spear;
come near
my spear, sincere
my spear, revere
my spear.)


Edit:
avoid attention
control
casting glances
to know
it's worth risking
our lives
only memory
survives

(Avoid attention.
Control
casting glances
to know
its worth, risking
our lives,
only memory
survives.)

Edit:
don't fear
my spear
come near
my spear
sincere
my spear
revere
my spear

(Do not fear
my spear,
come near
my spear,
sincere
my spear,
revere
my spear.)
Or,
(Do not fear
my spear
come near
my spear
sincere
my spear
revere
my spear.)

Comments:
In general, we use shortened forms (for example, I’m for I am) in speaking or for speaking, and I think, here the poem is in written form.

Edit:
living life
in a storm
twitchy fingers
so warm
relief now
have fun
blissful ease
well done

(Living life
in a storm twitchy finger
so warm.
Relief now.
Have fun.
Blissful ease,
well done.)

Comments:
The lines of the poem above are not expressive and grammatically correct; I have just tried to make them more expressive.

In order to encourage you, I would wish to help you, so honestly and humbly, I have offered suggestions and comments, and changed words and corrected the lines called end-stopped, enjambment and caesura of the poem, grammatically, for better expressions.

You are free, at liberty to accept, or reject any of the comments and, or the suggestions as edits, given in the brackets as above, for smoother, more expressive, and more pleasant read of your poem.

You may like to know I feel good at writing this review of your poem which you created in September, 2015 and now I feel happy to send the first review of your work within about five years, after creation of your work placed on for public read and review.

Well done overall; thank you for sharing this poem with us.

You Can Do Anything Feasible! Everything Possible! Keep Writing Readable For Years! R No.1334/Thu 31102019
by Guru Valmiki Aristotle Scriber
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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