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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nannamom/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/4
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356 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Song Cry  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! I was intrigued by the title of your piece as it was listed in the Newbie's section, so I just had to read it. This is a beautiful piece of writing. You evoke the grief and regret of 'losing' a parent. If only all fathers were this insightful. Music is a powerful force.
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Review of Archie Arachnid  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like this little spider's name and his plucky, innocent character. He sees wonderful, beautiful things and only wants to share with his fellow spiders. He fails to 'see' that they cannot see as he does. He sees a glorious future. This is a life parable. Not every person sees or chooses to see beauty. The story line is suitable for young children. I just don't know if the 'big words', the correct scientific words, are too much for them. There's a wee typo: "Jaws that moved up and down the in same way". I believe the 'in' and 'the' are reversed.
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Review of A Mare Visit  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.5)
WOW! What a weaving of disparate, unconnected words into a comprehensible story. Who wouldn't appreciate such an unexpected surprise? When I saw that the prompt words were 'horse' and 'kayak' I envisioned a comedy or something nonsensical. Well written!
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Review of Holiday Writings  
for entry "The Veil is Thin Here
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
WOW! This story does raise some issues and the hair on the back of my neck. Nothing beats a thunderstorm for dramatic effect, eh? I suppose there will always be the inexplicable to haunt us. Congrats for a great, spooky tale. By the way, I like that one of your characters is named Laurie. This is my deceased sister's name with that same spelling.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Angus! Yes, what to do? This is a quandary... This , I'm sure, will not be of any help whatsoever, but I like it with or without that final line. To end your story with 'forever and ever' is so final, yet it works with this piece. The reader's imagination assumes the narrator is reunited for eternity with his true love; he's now dead, too, so, it's his ultimate end. There's nothing more to write; it's all he wrote... The final line mentioning the lone, now silent owl, flying away has a movie appeal to it. This is the final scene, the fade. There is still a witness to what transpired in the cemetery. As I already stated, either way works for me.
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Review of Her First Time  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.5)
Haha! This is very clever.I think we all know people who work themselves into a panic in anticipation of pain. There's a first time for everything. Congrats, this is well-written. I like the innuendo; the surprise twist is great. Are you certain you cannot create other tales?
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hello! This is a well-written piece. You used the prompt words in a creative way. When you describe the sign with Alva I think the connective word "to" is missing. "The gods would send a sign to mark the chosen one". There are annoying marks left from your editing that need to be removed, but that is a learning curve with WDC formatting. Also the word "the" is missing when describing the ground shaking for Salazar.
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Review of Human society!  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hello! This is a thought-provoking piece. Why indeed? It always seems to be a wide line between the rich and the poor. This is well-written. I would recommend an apostrophe in the third line; "poor man's field". Have you thought to enter some of the WDC poetry contests?
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR*Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hello! This is a very well-written piece. I really like it! You describe a city person's shock very well. I must commend your spelling and grammar, too. Not enough writers proof-read.
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Review of "Time flies"  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hello! I like your creative nom de plume. Time, we're either complaining it's too slow or too fast. We definitely cannot control it. Who wouldn't appreciate a second chance or more time to spend with a loved one?
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hello! Wow! This is a powerful piece of poetry and very well-written! Suicide is such a waste of life and potential. I imagine there are unspeakable demons that torment the sufferer. Your rhymes and rhythm are also good. I just found two typos; the opening line is probably supposed to begin with "they", and in the second to laststanza, I think you intended the word "as" instead of "at".
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Review of DUCK VS KITTY  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
*BalloonR*Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hello! I can imagine a duck and a cat squaring off against each other. Remember, punctuation is important. There should be a period after "my nap house!". I said. Where you write of the spit balls and fart starting with "but", a comma is needed after the word "farted" and before the word "so". Either make it two separate sentences or use an "and" in the sentence about swords sticking in fur. Also, The "i'm" needs a to be "I'm". With some more description this could become a more complex tale.
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Review of AGAIN, AGAIN  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR*Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hi Laura! What a great way to flex your writing muscles. The prompt based contests are such fun. You managed to fuse three disparate words into a cohesive story. I must confess, I don't understand the repetition of the last lines. Was it an editing error?
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hi Gingerbug! Cute pseudonym! This a story with a twist. Nobody expects something cute and fuzzy to attack and hurt them. This is short. Maybe you could add more descriptors to this to create a longer and more developed story. I'd suggest that you not use 'her' twice in the second sentence. I know that one refers to your friend and one means the dog, but for clarification, one of the "hers' needs to be switched. The same idea applies to the name "Ginger"; is it the dog's name or that of your friend?
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Review of Dear God  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR*Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hi Olivia! Wow! Yes, this is a very personal rant/passage. Bereavement, I believe, is a time to question and learn. Nothing is the same. Yes, we were given brains and free will, so we use them. Faith is a wonderful thing; it'll sustain you.
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Review of Dream  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (2.5)
*BalloonR*Welcome to WDC from"Newbie Welcome Wagon!*BalloonR*
Hi Christella! This is a freely-flowing verse describing a love, a strong need. You use the word 'enlighten', but in this line, the verb tense is 'enlightened'. The correct word is 'you're or you are' NOT 'your'. I'm sorry, I don't understand,"the one that your cared".
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hmmm, we may never know if there is other life out there. The possibility is rather intriguing.
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Review of SHE  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon ! *BalloonR*
Hello! You have a well-composed and thought-provoking piece here. It flows effortlessly. In answer to your question, no. I am a woman married to the male love of my life! You describe the euphoria, the intoxication, the beauty, and then the pain of love. This reads like an oral speech or presentation. The speaker can pause for dramatic effect, but a reader needs a few more commas.There are possibly long, run-on sentences, but this is a matter of opinion and taste. Love is life-affirming. OOPS! You used the word "loose" instead of "lose".
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Review of Mrs Fletcher  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon ! *BalloonR*
Hello! This is a wonderful story! I like that the main character and narrator was a very persistent fellow. He seems like a boy with a heart of gold. this tale typifies neighbours helping neighbours. There are a few grammatical issues. You need to use a comma in many place, but especially before the word 'but'. Somje of your sentences are too long and they become 'run-ons'. I don't know if a person can 'carve a smile' themselves; maybe? When your boy is staring at the flowers in the beginning, I'm not sure 'of' is the correct word; "admiration of" or "admiration at"? When introducing the old lady, I think it should be "bad impression of" not "on". The sentence describing the boy's initial impression of his new neighbour is too long. I think you mean "eventful day" because something terrible happened! The boys were notorious "for" their behaviour. He "got" into a coma?? Perhaps this could be worded differently and it's a long sentence. I don't think Mrs. Fletcher "neglected herself from society"; poor word choice or a mistaken one. In the next opening sentence, it should be "I was determined to persuade". "Succeeded in producing" is a better verb tense. "After some time"; the some and time are separate. "That Sunday I had slept early"?? Do you mean went to bed earlier than usual? The parents saved themselves "in" the nick of time. That sentence is another run-on one. In the final paragraph, "reminisce all our" needs direction, so maybe add 'about'. That last sentence is a doozy of a run-on sentence! Sorry, to be so nit picky. You have a great story here and it deserves a great presentation.
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Review of Molly's Revenge!  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon ! *BalloonR*
hello! You've started with a great idea here. Imagine being murdered and then trying to communicate with your family. Perhaps, you could describe the actual killing. Details are always good. Your opening paragraph is really a run-on sentence. It would make more sense and be easier to read if it was shortened or split up. I suggest you also describe your family's reactions more and their feelings.
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Review of Secret Swan Song  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon ! *BalloonR*
Hello! This is a lovely piece of poetry. It reads like a dreamscape. Your descriptions are beautifully crafted! Please continue writing more.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon ! *BalloonR*
Hello! You have composed a logical and thought-provoking essay here. Yes, as a woman, I have the right to wear, say, do, and go where I choose without worrying about a man. I agree. No gender is superior. Unfortunately, the rape stories from India make international headlines. It must be a frightening and frustrating culture for women! There are a few formatting problems with your piece, but they can be fixed. An 'a' with an accent appears throughout your piece. In some places, I think it appears where you intended to put a single apostrophe showing possession. Watch run-on sentences; the overly-long ones. In our fervour as writers, we can get carried away and overly enthusiastic. We forget that the reader needs to pause and breathe.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon ! *BalloonR*
Hello! This is a great piece of free poetry! I like the scattered format/presentation. It reinforces the randomness of mental illness. Images as beasts and bugs is very visual. They torment as actual creatures. The line, "every picture is melting and clawed to shreds" Is very powerful. Kudos for no spelling errors, too.
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Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (3.5)

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon ! *BalloonR*
Hello! This is a wonderful tale. What kid doesn't like an adventure and a challenge? I like that the boy found a map, but he took the initiative to follow it. There are places in this piece that need a few well-placed commas. When you describe finding the letters at the old candy shop you use the word "fainted". The word is "faded". The sentence, "Glancing at the map again , in faint crude letters I could make out under the bushes . What., what could that mean? , is very awkward. Then you mention finding letters; the verb should be "were" not "was". When speaking with the barber the line from the boy needs a question mark even though you wrote that he asked. When describing the boy's efforts to break into the train station you switch narrators. One minute you're using third person as in "he did, he saw", and then you write "I knew", as in first person narrator. Again, in that paragraph you have a sentence without a verb. Under the weight machine there were candy wrappers. At the school cafeteria, you write, "There the wait, what? There where numbers instead of letters." What are you trying to illustrate? The "where" should be "were". This is a great story and well-planned, but the grammatical/spelling "bones" need work. Please do not be discouraged.
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Review of Mommy Knows  
Review by SandraLynn
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon ! *BalloonR*
Hello! I, too, am a mother and the offspring are wonderful sources of inspiration. I like the repetition of "Mommy". It mimics real life, and in this case creates flow. Kudos for your spelling. Your rhyming is effortless.
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