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Review Requests: OFF
3,214 Public Reviews Given
3,253 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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326
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jeff. Nixie here, via the read and review option. How are you today. Half in or half out of that glass?

*Candycaner*
Well, you're out of the closet now! I've often thought the same way. I go from 0 to 50,000, the present and the absolute inconceivable worst outcome. It's funny to me. What I've learned is to live with no expectations. It's a much easier life. That's not to say I'm depressed, rather rational. Yes, our brains can, often surprisingly, if we're not paying attention, create reality. That's a fact. We create our own worlds and anticipate the future.

*Heart* line that made me laugh:
(But, I think 'bad' has a better press agent.)

Uh-oh. Am I seeing double dashes not em-dashes? Big trouble there, Jace.

*Candycaner*
I have a doctor that I nick-named Dr. Z. If you've ever heard the expression, 'a man or woman hears hoof beats and thinks Zebra, not horse. That's my doctor. He always goes for the disaster, ordering needless tests. He's being careful. I can say that if this is a day to be kind.

*Candycaner*
Mr. Closet *Laugh* you've made a strong case for your outlook on life. At one time it made sense to me, as well.

Living with no expectations frees a person. As my mom says, 'to each his own'

And look, I'm still smiling. How novel to present your line of thinking for members to read. I couldn't have done that, except now I just have. *Rolleyes*

I enjoyed the write, even though I had to squint to read the letters.

~Nixie


Waving Christmas Doll Signature


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327
Review of Hooked  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ken. Nixie, here. The read and review option brought me over to your 'corral'. *Laugh*

*Candycaner*
What struck me first was the cover art. Wow, what a perfect picture for this story. The title could have meant anything. The brief description sketched it out. I've known people who have to make decisions like that. I wondered what Cody would do. In the end, that wasn't the conflict as stated. His family sounded like they had no problem with his bull riding.

'Cowboy perfume' *Laugh* I like the smell of horses.

*Candycaner*
trying to get [] caged behemoth into position.
missing word? [the]

No idea what [rosined] meant, and I couldn't find a definition that fit the theme. Maybe it's a rodeo word. I found [rosin] but that made no sense either.

*Candycaner*
I've been to one rodeo, and judging from this story, written authentically, I think you've seen a few more. The descriptions rang true, but I'll admit to disappointment when Cody was disqualified. Just the same as in real life. We don't always succeed. The point is to keep going, and that's exactly what Cody planned on.

So funny, the kids and mom running up to him. A delightful conclusion, even if the brief description didn't make sense to me. I thought maybe he'd call his wife, and she would be on the verge of leaving him.

Oh well. What do I know? *Laugh*

~Nixie


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328
Review of The Sale  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jacky.

*Candycaner*
The title didn't specifically draw my interest, and the brief description offered no clues as to content. However, I'm amazed by authors who can write flash fiction and make it work. Plot, setting, character, conflict, all of it. *Shock2*

*Candycaner* The story opened with a conflict, allowing the reader to investigate further. Swift action ensued, but still the mystery remained. I wanted to know where all the rushing and running about would lead. And what could getting her hair fixed solve? More mystique beckons. Great job showing us the store and the crowds. Sharon is close to desperation. I felt the panic and determination to achieve her goal.

I wasn't sure who to root for when the woman and Sharon both grabbed the coveted item at the same time. I wanted Sharon to have it, because I understood her character. This new woman had no importance to me. Yet.

What a lovely woman to acquiesce and hand over the dryer to Sharon. Another surprise and a big smile on my face when Sharon caught site of her appearance.

*Candycaner*
I noticed more than one instance of the word [finally] being used in close proximity.
Something to be avoided, as the word loses meaning.

I'd also suggest using the passive verb [was] so often in the story. This occurs when the subject receives the action.

*Ornament1r*
Excellent job completing the story arc. It began with spilled coffee and ended the same, in addition to a startling visual of Sharon.

Funny and engaging read!

~Nixie


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329
329
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Dawn. I'm landing on your portfolio via the read and review option.

*Holly2*
Great title. Who doesn't want to peer into the workings of a troubled mind and listen to a shrink assist in ironing out troublesome issues. How does it work? What are the benefits? The brief description is accurate and helpful.

*Holly2*
In 2012, when this was last edited, coming out was still a questionable confession. A silly one to me, other than divulging this secret to parents who may be shamed.

I enjoyed following the character's train of thought to the final conclusion. It all made sense to me. I enjoyed being 'clued in' to his thinking. The story lent itself to a personal level. Even outside a therapist's office, we often talk about innocuous topics before letting go.

*Holly2*
One question? Why is Year's possessive? New Year and a Shrink works. Or New Year's Shrink? Okay, I'm going away now.

Hands down, the last line was my favorite. It wrapped up the loose ends, and reminded the reader of the character's awareness of time passing.



Hmm, I've never tried purple decorations before...

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



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330
Review of The River  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hi Patrick, please do not be discouraged by this review. You've been a member for only 2 days. Something to consider. Why not fill out your bio, when you feel like it? Any reviewer would appreciate knowing if there were any reasons for this confusing quick write.

*Holly2*
I'm leaving a short and to the point review. Have you edited this at all? At first, I planned on helping you with a few sentences, but the entire piece had so many issues it needs to be rewritten. Your vision does not show the reader much. Try reading this to yourself. It helps when editing.

*Holly2*
Concerning the plot. What was the significance of the blood? Why didn't Sara tell the police officer what happened? Why did the man bump into her? The plot dropped.

*Holly2*
Despite the confusion, I took a liking to the officer and wished Sara had a way to continue seeing him.

Last thoughts. I would add some more paragraphing so this is an easier read. I think you've got something going here. It's worth the effort of editing and expanding. So many questions left unanswered, a story could well spring from this first attempt.

The title and brief description clue the reader. As I encouraged, there's a story here, in your mind. Time to set it free. *Smile*

You may like to meet up with other new members here:
"Noticing Newbies

~Nixie



Holiday Kitties!

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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Review of Pines  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Beholden. Nixie here, exploring the read and review option. It was my pleasure and good fortune to land on this poem. *Smile*

*TreeCypress*
Wow! I'm sitting here wondering if I should cry. This is your experience, but the theme resonated deep within me. It brought to mind my musings on trees, one of my favorite topics to ponder and dream about.

Double wow! for the opening stanza, just in case a reader is unsure. Your magical words are irresistible, and the musing continues in the same unique way, with precise word choices.


*TreeCypress*
The title is simple, the brief description a bit bland. If you're so inclined, you might want to visit this again. Pines ensnared me due to my passion for the topic. But the emotional value of these words is downplayed without editing.

*TreeCypress*
So kind of you to avail the reader with a bit of history and explanation at the end.

Exceptional write!

Nixie Holiday fun

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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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332
332
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Haberak. Nixie here. I found your synopsis via the read and review option.


*Ornament1r*
Everyone has to start somewhere, and you've written a generalized peek preview along with a brief description of where the plot is headed. Interesting technique.

Enticing title! The word [and] as the first word set this apart from any similar title. How can I express my thoughts? Clever? Different? Good thinking? You get the idea. *Wink* Smart. For one reason, I spent a long time pondering that title.

The first sentence struck me as unusual, with the word [was] at the end of the phrase. This style definitely shouts fantasy. The paragraph held my attention due to the uniqueness. I'm not a fan of this type of fantasy, but for those who enjoy it, you're drawing them in. *Checkg*

*Ornament1r*
What struck me in the 2nd paragraph was the overabundance of 'will'. I understand you're asking yourself these questions for later reference, or as initial thoughts to help keep you on track. For the reader, it's a bit tedious. Remember, if you've posted this you're asking for reviews. You want tip-top writing to impress.

*Ornament1r*
Are you including links to what you've written so far? Using read and review option, the reviewer doesn't see anything else in your port. That's why I'm suggesting including links.


I like the idea of requesting a person for cover art. One oops.
I need help with a cover [as]
[cover art]

With this small sample, the rating is difficult to determine. According to The StoryMistress average on this website is accurate. That's why I chose this rating.

As a new member, you might want to click over here and meet a few new writers.
FORUM
Noticing Newbies  (13+)
A warm welcome to our newbies; come meet new and not-so-new members of Writing.Com!
#126963 by The StoryMistress


Enjoy the journey. Grit your teeth while processing all the editing sure to follow as you write. *Headbang* *Laugh*

~Nixie

A girl with a horse in the snow? Holidays are here!


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333
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Review of Soul Drinkers  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Will. Nixie here. I found your story using the read and review option.


*Ornament1r*
Are you kidding me? I doubt sleep will come easily tonight. I used to have nightmares of three cloaked figures appearing at the foot of my bed. Seriously. They simply hovered and glared, scaring me nearly to death. And I couldn't move or scream. I lay powerless, until one night I vanquished them. Luckily, they didn't want my soul, whatever that obscure word means.

*Ornament1r*
The title sounded disgusting, and for some reason, I'm drawn to darkness this evening. I appreciated the brief description, but kind of wished it was more vague.

The similes and descriptions rang true and unique, lending the story not only a more precise feel, but also made it that much creepier. As if each word had been chosen deliberately, and the reader (me) had no choice but to swallow them. That's some seriously awesome writing.

Did the scene with Shelby have to be so disturbing? *Sick* So visual and gross. Incredibly strong writing. *Thumbsup*


*Ornament1r*A few thoughts.

As she stared at the dark, creatures in robes,
No comma after dark

until they both had drank their [filll].
[fill]

but the cows rammed into the man and knocked him back out of the way.
I thought they were vaporous figures who passed through doors, not solid entities.

I have to try and put this out of my head, Will. It was well worth the read, though.

The chilling ending effectively sickened and devastated me.


A girl with a horse in the snow? Holidays are here!


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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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334
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Review of Web of Lies  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dorianne. I found your poem/prose using the read and review option.


*Ornament1r*
'clever and unique

I liked the title, and after reading your work, I understood how accurate that title was.

Great idea to specify in the brief description that this poetry had nothing to do with the 'real' Spiderman. It's obvious though these words have no connection whatsoever to the one mentioned.

*Ornament1r*
How I wish I didn't relate to this work. I've fallen for this type of guy so many times I no longer trust myself. Life alone works for me. I never, ever, want to fall into this trap again. How do they always find me? Maybe I exude loneliness as mentioned in one of the lines.

Clever to describe both the long and the shorter strands. Unique.

*Ornament1g*

you really cared for me once.

Do you need the [really] in this line? She's already stated that he proclaimed to love her. Is caring is a different emotion than loving? Yes, that's me being awkward around this vague thing we call love.

*Right* That's one reason why I docked the 1/2 point. Also, the presentation could be shown in a different way. The lines are not balanced, and it looks as if the work is about to topple over. And I would put a space between Web of Lies at the top and the first line of the prose.

My only wish is that the woman had found a way to stop this man, or at least leave hope that no other woman would be his prey. She left it at 'woe be to the next' rather than something like she hopes a horrible woman ensnares him.

Strong finish, though. And satisfactory in its own way. I felt a shiver of delight when she renounced him. Mr. Spiderman. *Star*


Nixie Holiday fun


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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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335
335
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi James. Nixie here. I found your story using the read and review option.


*Ornament1r*
Remarkable write! Great descriptors and character development.

First, I have to say the title drew me in as much as the brief description. The story is correctly identified so I was prepared to read something upsetting. The only thing I would change in the title is to not capitalize [AND]. Then again, you might have wanted that for emphasis.

*Ornament1r*
Great setup in the first paragraph. And from there the story is disturbing, but somewhat predictable. With so many shows on television, some plots seem overdone.

Julian's description did him justice. It left no doubt in the reader's mind this guy was psychotic. I wondered if the sentence about the African trophies was necessary. It's a bit of a run-on sentence when you don't want the reader interrupted or confused. I think most of us know murderers keep souvenirs.

EXCEPT-that's part of the title. Maybe there's a way to shorten that one sentence, or make it two.

*Ornament1r*
A few passing comments

'dripping cold wet tendrils passed his collar,down his back.

Picky? The word [passed] broke my concentration. I had to think about it, never a good thing. I wish an alternate word would come to mind.

and prey [it's] only inhabitants.
[its'] not it's, contraction for > it is

"Sorry Hon, didn't mean to spook ya"
missing period


All in all, an awfully sick story, as it should be. In the last part the POV switches from Julian's to the waitresses'. He can't possibly know what she's thinking.

You detailed the description of the waitress so well, it felt as if I was sitting there at the table. Very convincing.

Disgusting conclusion which effectively gave me the creeps. Nicely done!


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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell


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336
336
Review of Transformation  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there! Nixie here. I was browsing the read and review tab and saw your story.

*Holly2*
Interestingly, the subtle title and cryptic brief description drew me in. Great hook! No plot summary, the reader has to extract the plot and decide how they feel. That's my favorite type of introduction.

*Holly2*
Once lured in, the first paragraph was weird and kind of funny. More odd than anything else.

I read the whole story and didn't come away feeling much of anything. We have a normal man with something unidentifiable going on in the morning. Then we have to sit behind the desk with him and do absolutely nothing of interest.

...put on a suit with a matching shirt, and tie.
Oops, no comma necessary between shirt and tie.

*Holly2*
And then the big reveal at the end. I liked the last few paragraphs, when things began to change. Action! Except the story concludes without satisfaction or explanation. Nothing has happened. We're not enlightened.

*Right* *Shock2* I noticed this was written for a contest with a limited word count and won HM. That's something to be proud of. And another consideration, I didn't know what a "Grim Blunt" contest is. It's possible this story was precisely what the prompt called for. It's definitely grim and blunt! So, perhaps success?

Now I'm thinking, maybe the contest notation should be at the top of the story? Then no one else would say boring.

When I have something written a few years ago, I may not go back and edit. I take what I learned and move on. *Wink*

Thanks for the read!



Hmm, I've never tried purple decorations before...

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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337
337
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi whitemorn. I found your funniness by using the read and review option.

*Candycaner*
Truth first, maybe funny later. As a woman, I wanted to refute every word you wrote. In the first line, why would you leave a flash drive in your pocket?

Second line? Yes, it's irrational, but maybe not to your wife. I have a 'thing' with the smell of towels. Maybe you do fold them wrong. *Laugh*

*CandyCaneB*
Third line? Does she love you so intensely that your opinion on her attire carries so much weight? Yes, it's odd, but who really cares? However, it could be co-dependence. No judgement here.

Fourth line. Buy her a new car with a backup guidance system on the dashboard.

Maybe she didn't want her closet rearranged.

Now, I'm shaking my head and agreeing with you. Oh, except for the rearrangement of the furniture. I have the same compulsion, but I'm only happy if I do it.

*Candycaneb*
I was continuing to root for your wife, until I read the last line. Okay, I give up. My mom told me never to interfere in anyone else's relationship.

I'll take this in the way you intended. But what's her side of the story? It helps writers to 'write things out', but be extremely cautious that she never sees what you've written here. *Shock2* *Laugh*

Oops. Last comment. Using full capitalization in a title (no matter how strongly you feel) is unprofessional.

And on a positive note, I did have a laugh or two, and, although I didn't want to, I understood why you are going crazy due to her behaviour. Good luck and Keep writing.

I'll go now, and be laughing all the way. *Laugh*




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Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
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338
338
Review of Blindness  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi eznn. I found your work by using the read and review option.

*CandyCaneB*
With the title and brief description so clear, I knew this poem would speak to me. Though only a few words the message, which was subtle, but also a little angry, an intense mood was captured. I felt the power in your words, and I agree.

*CandyCaneR*
I've never liked labels, and no one person can truly know another. We can 'know things about a person' but that doesn't mean they actually know the person. If that makes sense to you. If you've ever heard 'I know you like a book.' the response is 'you don't know me from page one.'

Those are my true feelings. I have to continue with more personal comments, due to how the words struck a chord inside me. We tend to think only of ourselves. For example, a person might pass a friend on the street, expecting a greeting, which never comes. So person one feels wronged, when the real reason for the non-greeting is a reflection of the non-responsive friend.

*Candycaneb*
A poet may have one intention in mind, but the reader may find a different message in the words. When I write, my deepest desire is to touch another person in some way. That is what transpired here, and I'm thankful for having found your work.

Now . . . if you would complete your bio, and if you so desire, readers would have a better understanding of who you are as a person, or writer. *Wink*





A happy sig

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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339
339
Review of Warrior  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Ravenblack. Nixie here, dropping by with a review for your prose? using the read and review option.

*Snow4*
I've read this through several times, and although I wish it were not true, I'm afraid the obscure references escaped me. I simply could not connect with the words or any emotion ensconced here.

*Snow4*
The last four lines almost made up for all the confusion and became my anchor. At first, I thought you might be going for 'shining brighter by putting out another's candle' but what you wrote comes from a deeper level of passion for words.

*CandyCaneb*
In the second line, (who's) should be (whose). [Who's is a contraction for [who is], and remembering that, you'll have an ah-ha moment.] *Wink*

Fuelled should be [fueled].

Because the line below begins with [although] I anticipated the last word would be [tolerable]

Although often wounded, the touch of the bitter cold is most intolerable.

In every poet's heart a fire burns. Perhaps the words in this stream of consciousness scorched, too hot for this reader's understanding. You have an interesting way of expressing yourself. Maybe I'm the only one who is puzzled.

Sending positive energy rays your way. Welcome to WdC and keep writing! *Smile*




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Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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340
340
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dan. Nixie here. I found your poem using the read and review option.

*Holly2*
Whatever writing club you belong to, I'd stick with it. What a joy to read your poem, all the images so clear in my mind. Even the cover art was accurate.

Before today, I've never thought too much about penguins (why would I?) *Laugh* but after reading this, I felt a kinship with this little guy. You showed us he's comfortable in his own world, not always worrying like humans about something should be different or better in his life. I see him as some sort of guardian, or constant in the universe. If humans don't mess up the environment much more. *Rolleyes*

*Snow2*
My only suggestion would be to change the title and perhaps add to the brief description-something that reflected the poem. (You can always write ...'from writing club' at the top of the poem.) No big deal, though.

*Snowboard*
The rhymes were not complicated, and the form was straight forward. The words flowed smoothly, almost as if I were singing a song.

Well done, and thanks for putting a smile on my face today. *Bigsmile*




Hmm, I've never tried purple decorations before...

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
341
341
Review of Foresight  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Myles. Nixie here. I saw your review request on the HUB.


*Holly2*
A disturbing and well-written story. Clear world building. Definitely never bored, as you asked about this in your request. Excellent title and brief description. And you effectively grossed me out. *Laugh*

One concern. In the beginning of the story, I wasn't aware she was dreaming, which made the first part a bit confusing.

The story flowed smoothly and logically (some comments below) with the fear factor soaring due to Kate's actions.

Descriptors of what Kate saw from the window immersed me in the story. Danger lurks even outside. The Blackshirt patrol spoke volumes. What an awful society.


The (bird) attack pushed the fear-factor higher. They were so weird and disturbing. Nicely done.

Why or why did Kate open up Nando? Doesn't she know those things probably spread?

*Holly2*
My comments
Firstly, I would not have written such an extensive review if I didn't like your story. *Wink*

I noted possible editing required while I was reading the story. So the review is a bit messy. If you follow your story, you'll see where the sentences are. Don't worry. All I did was tweak, which may not even be necessary.


*Holly2*
Character questions Kate and Nando.
Jim's character worked well as the worried husband. No need to tweak the man. Except...
Character names? Kate and Jim? Boring and too generic. If you dreamed up the name 'Nando" surely these to can have more interesting names.

Note: with the w/c restriction, I doubt you'll have room to expand on these characters.

Excellent job slowly revealing the character, Nando. Ar first he's merely a name, then we see Kate's interaction with him. Would she really do that?

My perception? Kate was a visionary and a sweet person. We really don't know her, other than the fact that she has foresight. She's violent only in her smashing of walls.

Most likely, I see the good in people and automatically applied that to Kate. I might have drawn the conclusion she was a horrible woman. However, her compassion was shown in the interactions between her son and husband.

Here's an action that shows a bit of Nando. I'm sad the husband had to participate in the black market.

Nando'll help me smuggle some food back."
Uh-oh. A clear indication of trouble escalating. *Checkg*

As promised, picky comments follow:

Clawing my hair
I can't figure out how a woman can claw her hair. What about (yanking) Or clawing her scalp?

The head punched a hole in the chalkboard (sheet rock?) (plaster?)
What door are we talking about? I thought he already left?

We're goin'." Jim strode from the room, slamming the door.

And here:
...tearing panelling and insulation from the wall before the bedroom door crashed open.

Sometimes clever is to clever. *Down*

...when I saw fear painted in his moist brown eyes.

Painted eyes didn't work for me. It also disturbed the read. I'm guessing you're looking for a verb that relates to moist, or something wet. Maybe [reflected]? *Down*

"I'm sorry..." I burbled.


(burbled?) I checked the definition and think you could choose a more accurate word.
Burbling is more likely equated with water, although I did see a vague mention of murmuring. Why stop your reader cold as they ponder this word? Or at least this reader.

Nando's olive-skinned good looks and easy laugh drew me like a fly to shit.

*Sick* I don't think Kate would think of this simile. Again, that's my perception. Maybe the scene between the two of them earlier leads the way to this crude reference. Swear words look worse on the page, rather than spoken.

I fled into the kitchen, barricading the bedroom door behind me.

Next sentence:

After shuttering the kitchen windows,

*Right* I thought she was barricaded in the bedroom?

While I quaked with sobs, (the)? insect drone rattled the apartment
Missing word (the)?

while I urged our son into his bolt hole,.
Period, not comma here.

"Ash, you fool. Yellowstone blew."
(At first I didn't understand the soldier's sneer. I thought Ash was a person, when really it meant Kate said 'snow, and the soldier corrected her.)
What about: The soldier sneered. "Snow? It's ash, lady."

*Right* I would put a paragraph between the soldier's comment and Kate's reaction. This will also create clarity.

Ok, that's enough from me. *Pthb* I can go on and on. And more comments are still in my head!

I hope another reviewer comes along so you'll have more than one person's suggestions. Like I said, nothing I've mentioned would effect the quality.

Take away? Great write!




A lovely animated image using a GC from my Secret Santa

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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Review of Unmasked  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Ken. I figure anniversaries last all month, so this one isn't late. *Laugh*

*Xmastree*
Ken, you never cease to surprise me. Your plots are so unexpected and misleading, there's always a surprise at the end. Most inventive with the Double entendre title "Unmasked." And why can I hear you laughing?

*Xmastree*
The italicized lines (in the middle) were the most misleading and oh, so very clever. Beautiful words unusual in description, created a delicate image in my mind. Totally inaccurate as to what would happen next.

*Xmastree*
If forced by a gun pointed at my head, I'd probably suggest taking out the 'seemed'.

Her perfume seemed to intoxicate.

*Right* Her perfume intoxicated. (or intoxicating)

Prompt words fell in place flawlessly. I didn't even take notice. Not having to write them in bold or in italics is a bonus. And I always give kudos to those who enter contests with the double bonus of including links, should the reader be inclined to investigate.

~ Fantastic write that brings to mind a story I've half composed, probably best left unexpressed. *Laugh*




A lovely animated image using a GC from my Secret Santa

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
343
343
Review of Bad Kisser  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Stormy. Here I am, once again leaving behind a (late) anniversary review. If memory serves, I stop by every year.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews*CakeB*


Happy WdC Anniversary



*Balloonb*
My review consists of my reaction to your words. I like knowing how my writing has touched (or not touched) a reader. That's what I'm offering.

Such lovely and gentle rhyming placated my present sense of anxiety. Your words somehow soothed, while leaving promise in the air. Every phrase gentled as the poem progressed.

The rhyming scheme allowed one line to flow seamlessly into the next.

But when she left alone with him, my heart sank. What kind of woman wanders off with a man she doesn't know. The spark of love prevailed. I wished she'd had mace.

*Balloonb*
The words painted an endearing scene of hopefulness and security. But even as they shared a kiss, tantalizingly described, I knew she would never hear from him again.

Her sorrow was palpable. And the last line brought a sharp memory to mind. I've also been betrayed, except I didn't see the lie until the damage was done.

I think this girl can continue on, still with hope, albeit laced with a bit of distrust in men. And she should be careful!

Much appreciation for this write! *Heartv*


~Nixie Overwatch Guardian
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#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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344
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Review of Lost Love Found  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Krystal! Just dropping by with an anniversary review. *Smile*

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Xmastree*
The concept of merging energies is something that makes sense to me. Maybe the only thing that makes sense to me. Walking in the woods, or sitting by a lake, gazing with wonder at mountains, it's all magic. And merging with another being? The ultimate goal.

*Xmastree*
What I need help with is .... had the girl not walked the trail in a while? That's how I can make sense of them reuniting after a passage of time. They found each other again, and it sounds like he's been waiting for her.

*Xmastree*
What makes sense in the real world doesn't work in the writing world. It's tempting to show an action as beginning and building as time passes, but in the writing world we're direct.

They started to walk down a path
They walked down a path.

He seemed to appear out of nowhere.

'seemed' is a distancing word.

*Right* He appeared out of nowhere.

Many of the sentences can be shortened in the interest of word economy. Since this was written in 2017, I won't belabor the point.

Take away is lovely thoughts of positive energy flowing through the earth, and if we're very lucky, we find someone.




Happy Holidays. Be Bright

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
345
345
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi David! Just dropping by with an anniversary review.


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Holly2*
Message well taken. I'd guess this prose is a reference to the Vietnam war? but, as stated, every war is the same. The bugle sound brings me back to cavalry wars, emphasizing your point. All wars are the same, or have the same outcome.

My son did two tours in Iraq and is forever broken. Body and soul. Despite all the treatments and meds, he's plagued every night by flashbacks. However, deep down, he remains a sweet and innocent soul.

*Holly2*
I can't imagine any person who has fought can ever find peace of mind again. Yes, the soldiers have to follow orders, and in the fray the killing can be justified. Until they come home and reality hits.

*Holly2*
It's often harder to return to civilian life, during war your only mission is the guy on your right and the guy on your left. At home, kids, bills, spouses ...

*Right* The spacing in this prose works to hammer home each phrase, all of equal importance. Any other format and the words would run together. I wonder if actual faces come to view, or only the sense of so many lives wasted?

My son has a companion dog who wakes him when he nightmares. A small blessing.

What I want to say is thank you for allowing me to express my own feelings, all the while appreciating what you've written here.



New identity for SPR

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



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346
346
Review of Minor Key  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Grum! I've stopped by today to drop off an early anniversary review. *Smile*

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Holly2*
So....it's been a long time since I read a story that was predominately narrative. Perhaps this was the only way to convey the message. Would dialogue have served this story? No, the only way was along the road you've walked.

*Holly2*
The message shouts out loud and clear. Though I understand his reluctance to pass by a challenge, which completely fits his personality, nothing would have pleased me more than to be part of the story, urging him to reach out. Of course, no one can be changed. His path was set from the beginning, and reinforced for the all the years that followed.

How heart-breaking to see what happened to the secret cove. Vivid description, by the way. *Checkb*

*Holly2*
Most expressive phrase:
but a [maggot] of reality bored into his mind. *Thumbsup*

I'm wondering if you repeated the word 'fear' in the first paragraph to make a point. I think you know not to put similar words in close proximity, that's why I'm guessing intentional.

I've heard the most difficult emotion for humans to put aside is regret, so clearly illustrated here. Why did I keep reading about this man and his boring life? It was clear in my mind that his path would remain. Curiousity, even though the conclusion was inevitable?

Me thinks crafty writing kept me reading. *Bigsmile*



A happy sig

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
GROUP
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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell



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347
347
Review of Falling Angels  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi MaRi! Sorry you're stressed. How 'bout an anniversary review to brighten your day?


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*



*Holly2*
By hook and by crook.
This title, over any others in your port, piqued my curiousity. The brief description 'helped' clue me in as to content, but it gave away too much. I would have preferred to make the discovery on my own. *Wink*

*Holly2*
MY personal connection
Mostly I was aggravated, not by the words, but the theme. Absolutely nothing to do with your writing or thoughts. I don't want another man to 'save' me from a disastrous past. That's never worked for me.

*Holly2*
Overall Impression
Though the rhymes were simple, the words flowed with grace, the narrator's mood apparent. She's lost trust, but she's not destroyed. How wonderful to find someone to change her perception of love.

*Heart*
Favorite line
As the snow in me began to melt
A vivid image cleverly crafted.

I like poems that are straightforward like yours. Since I don't write poetry, sometimes a poet's work confuses me. But not yours!

Take away? I'm happy this poem came my way. I enjoyed pretending that the burst of optimism and the conquering of fear were possible for the strange, abstract word 'love'.

Almost forgot to say, the ellipsis after the last word left the poem open. The word 'love' was not expressed, only implicated. Something about that tiny little part made me like the poem that much more.

Thanks for the read! Keep writing. *Smile*



A lovely animated image using a GC from my Secret Santa


Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
348
348
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Beck *Smile*

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*



*Holly2*
The opening paragraph set the mood of the story. Dark and frightening. (expected from walking past an alley.) A fairly easy set up to convey fear.

First rate descriptions of characters and setting that brought the story to life.

*Holly2*
Something to consider. First person POV is tricky. If you re-read this, you'll see the abundance of sentences that begin with "I". When that happens, the sentence has to be turned around. Put the action on the object, not the person. It makes for a more difficult write, but reconstruction challenges the imagination. This isn't the best example, but a demonstration. Also, words like 'seemed' or 'felt' distance the reader.

Opening sentence.
I quickened my pace as the lights of the busy city receded and the street seemed to narrow.

*Right* [My pace quickened as the lights of the city receded and the street narrowed.]

Oops. Missing word in the second sentence.
plastic Kohl’s bag around the base of [the] street light.

The next sentence begins with 'the light'. Try to avoid using the same words in close proximity.

Hmm.
I grabbed the railing and [reefed] my weak body onto the bus
I couldn't find any word correlation for [reefed]. Perhaps a misspell? Or something distracted you? It happens to me many times. I see what's in my mind, not what I've written.

*Holly2*
The tension is high throughout the story as Janet's predicament worsens.

Totally unexpected twist of events. First I was frightened like Janet, then grossed out *Laugh* by the man's description, and, finally, the completely shocked the conclusion. I think the man's smell jumped off the page and flowed into my nose.

Creative and misleading. Other than a bit of required editing, a great read.

Note: Often, I don't return to edit my earlier works. I prefer learning from the review and carrying that input further as my writing expands. Just saying. *Wink*

Take away? You gave me something different to think about with your unique plot. *Bigsmile*




Hmm, I've never tried purple decorations before...

Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
349
349
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi 'cat'



*Holly2*
In answer to your question in the brief description, yes we're killing our planet. Not everyone sees this, and it's most likely too late to change the global warming, and everything else we've lost or destroyed. Humans are not natural creatures who belong on earth. Why would we wipe out our home?

*Holly2*
I enjoyed the rhythm and theme of the poem. So beautifully expressed. The wording, and the thoughts had a profound effect on me. My writing in the first part is clumsy, that's why I appreciate the exceptional phrasing. You're truly a poet.

*Holly2*
It's been a while since you wrote anything, which is a real shame. *Sad* You have the gift to reach out to readers. Not everyone does.

I found only one place where the capitalization of the first letter distracted me. That would be the line beginning with 'glimmer'.

Unexpected, the switch to a first 'person' approach made the poem all the more special. The words drew me further into the mood, and I mourned for all that was lost.

Exceptional writing here. Write more!





Let's all pretend she's not a fairy.


Nixie ~ Chandra Charmer
Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
350
350
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Richard. As a new member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group I decided to take a look around your port found this gem.

Excellent story! I wanted to return here and add additional positive feedback after reading the story, but the review ended up being too long. Please understand that your story was a pleasure to read.

I do not write reviews this long unless the story mesmerizes me.

The *HooK*
The title grabbed me, and other than the 'quote prompt' added to the brief description, you had me hooked by mentioning the authors. Why not include the 'prompt' part in the actual body (maybe at the end) and give the reader a little more detail concerning the story itself.

An author has one chance to lure in the reader. And that's the first sentence or paragraph. Confusion can deter a reader. *Wink*

*Binoculars*
Zooming in for a closer look
Although AL's rising to consciousness is a common theme, (I think that's the theme) your original take kept me entertained throughout.


Consider giving the characters names, as I wasn't quite sure what was happening in the beginning. This suggestion will throw off the beauty of the wording, so, author's discretion.

Who is talking? Greg's name is not mentioned until the end of the story.

“But Babe," [Greg said], clicking on the remote, “it’s a Gg170 auto digita…”


Same here
The wife needs a name. I wrote in a generic name for her.

“Get that thing out of here," [Alice] said, not quite a scream, but close enough, never mess with a woman in labor.

It deviates from your style, though. *Sad*

*Idea*
Still looking at the same sentence, consider letting Greg finish that sentence so your reader knows what he's talking about. I think that will clear up some of the confusion.

[The reader can extrapolate the couple is husband and wife because Greg is watching the delivery.]

*Confused*
What do these sentences mean? How is Emily looking at the pictures? If whatever it is is only a camera, how does move around to chronicle Emily's life?

“Gigi’s just a robot camera.”
"Emily noticed a change in Gigi pictures
"But I’m just a Gg170 Digita…”


I think you have the story visible in your mind, but the reader can't 'see' your dream, or maybe I'm the only one who is confused. *Laugh*

*Star**Star*

I like your writing style. I finished reading three books where the author used he same technique, but his comma placement was ridicules. A huge distraction from the story. Your's was not.*Checkg*

Your bio mentioned that you have problems with commas, but none of them spoiled the flow.

Normally, one avoids using the same word in close proximity, but this was one of my favorite sentences

"Being startled was startling, scary and weirdly upsetting....."

*Books1*
Oops
chroniclin
chronicling

Closing comments
I don't want to conclude this review with more editing. (the 1/2 star was deducted due to the sticky areas I mentioned.)

You've written a wonderful story. Right now, that's all that matters. *Bigsmile*

~Nixie




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