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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/normajeantrent/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
Review Requests: ON
406 Public Reviews Given
473 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to give friendly advice that I hope will help, not harm.
I'm good at...
I enjoy picking out spelling mistakes. Bad punctuation also bothers me.
Favorite Genres
Fiction
Least Favorite Genres
poetry, fan fiction, fantasy, anything erotic or about death, gay or lesbian
Favorite Item Types
flash fiction, short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
long stories, novels, poems, lyrics. I don't write them so I don't feel as though I can review them.
I will not review...
Anything erotic or with cruelty to people or animals. I will not review anything dealing with the gay/lesbian lifestyle.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Awakening  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Joylife ! I am reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My first impression of this Flash Fiction is good, you captured a little escape for two friends.

Something you may want to keep in mind when watching word count is using contractions.
Where is = where's You can gain a few extra words using this trick.

I think with this line : "Here read the brochure." I would reword it. Perhaps "Here, why not read this brochure." It definitely needs a comma or other punctuation after 'here'.

I think this is the best line: "I don't think Bob and the kids want me in a whole new world." Ha!
And then the end! Perhaps they relaxed too much!

You have a fun idea. There are a few things you could do differently to make it better. Good luck!
NJ aka ND


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52
52
Review of The Family Bible  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fun story! You captured a sweet moment.

I find this easy to read, thanks for the larger font. I didn't notice any glaring spelling or grammar errors.

And the last line is genius. Good example of flash fiction.


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53
53
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A worthy group worthy of my time and money.

Write on!
54
54
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Graywriter ! I am reviewing your story on behalf of The Talent Pond.

Oh my, what fun. I love the interplay between the couple and the delivery drivers. Quite amusing. And the way Madeline made it seem all right even though Geoff somehow knew it wasn't.

The best line has to be "Yeah, so? Is August 'National Buy More Useless Furniture Month' or something?" That is so typical.

The quote from Kahil Gibran was good, haven't seen a reference to him in decades. Kudoes.

I found nothing to criticize. Good job. It was a fun read from start to finish.

Queen NormaJean *Crown*
Write On!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Rosie Best ! I am reviewing you on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: This seems to be an essay about the last Presidential election in the US.

My Favorite Part: This line: It was a race to the White House, not the demolishing derby.

My Suggestions: There are quite a few misspelled words. In the line above, I think you meant demolition derby, not demolishing. So many errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar I hesitate to enumerate them all here.

I would suggest you use an editing program such as Grammarly, it's free to use. It can help you, over time, recognize problems with verb tenses, spelling, punctuation and such.

Make sure anything you post is perfect. If you want to be considered a serious writer, your work needs to be above reproach.

This essay has promise, but needs work, in my opinion. So good luck going forward. Thank you for letting me review your work.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

NormaJean Queen *Crown*

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” Ernest Hemingway


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing your story on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I find this little tale amusing. A fun little take on an unknown entity. MIB indeed.

One word you need to change - 'rye' is a grain. I think the word you're looking for here is 'wry' which is the adjective. Perhaps auto-correct changed it for you.

You have good tension, good resolution, and a funny ending. Good job.

Thanks for letting me review your work.

Write on!

Queen NormaJean
57
57
Review of The Quills Group  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the Quills. Please accept this donation.

NormaJean
58
58
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am reviewing your poem on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I gotta say, what a fun take on the prompt! And country folk, they will survive, as the song goes. There is more than one way to skin a cat, as the saying goes.

I like the rhyming, I like the tale. You captured small-town characters.

Good job. I see nothing I would change. Well, perhaps take 'contest' out of the genre listing. This poem isn't a contest. Use comedy instead.

Write on!


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59
59
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello ElectroSwing ! You have asked that I do a review of your work. I am reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I see that you want to market this to children. You don't mention an age range. So, my question to you is what age do you think would read this? Or would you think it would be a book for adults to read to children? And after deciding that, you need to read this with that skill level in mind. Children of different ages understand different ideas, different words. They don't understand puns or word plays at 5 or 6 like a child of 10 or 11.

At times, there are statements in parentheses. Such as:
(Interesting choice of words in my opinion.) Whose idea is this? And why is it in parentheses?
(Remember: Pony Life setting!) What does this have to do with anything? You should have given enough information to not remind people of the setting.
(pun semi-intended)Children don't get puns. Adults do. You have two instances of this. What does it add to the story? It just confused me. If it is funny, leave it in and don't call attention to it. Adults reading to children will get the pun, children will just think it's funny.
(I guess, I mean, I dunno, I'm not Draven. I'm just writing down what I seen and was told.)Who is talking here? I'm confused by the insertion of this in the story.


My Favorite Part: I like the names given to the ponies. They are cute, kids like cute. Perhaps give the ponies characteristics based on the names. This is probably a riff on the 'My Little Pony' craze, so I'd be careful with infringing on that territory.

My Suggestions: I would, in my opinion, take out the ideas contained in parentheses. They slow down the story. If this is a narration of what happened, that is, one of the pony's memories, then set it up that way at the beginning. Be sure to let your audience know who is speaking. If it is too confusing, they will not read this again, or not finish the story.

Make your characters believable. A writer has to make their fictional universe so believable the reader can actually see, hear, smell and somtimes taste what you write.

And last, I would make sure all the spelling is correct, all the grammar is correct, and your draft is the best it can be. I saw 'to' for 'too' and then 'nopony'. I can understand the 'to', but the 'nopony' isn't a word. Unless you want to be, then define it in the story.

So those are my ideas. You have your own style. Thank you for asking me to review for you.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

NormaJean Queen *Crown*

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” Ernest Hemingway


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60
60
Review of Joker  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Now that is funny! Great take on that prompt. It made me laugh, a lot.

I don't see anything I would change.

Write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
61
61
Review of Alien Colors  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ha! Fun story. I like the lines - So there are aliens up there somewhere. Pass the peas. Like all news stories, give it the allotted time on CNN, then on to the next big deal.

And the last line, the interpretation, genius.

You seem to have done some good research, or know how to write some good scientific information. I find nothing I would change. Well, maybe add comedy to one of the genres, because this is funny in my opinion.

Good luck in the contest.


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62
62
Review of Higher Ground  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Graywriter Thanks for sharing this story. I'm reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

You've done a good job of giving us a rainstorm that will flood a city. Perhaps if I would criticize anything, it would be the melodramatic ending. It seems predictable. But then, how else would this end with the characters you created?

I found no obvious errors in spelling or grammar. Good luck in the contest.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

NormaJean Queen *Crown*

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” Ernest Hemingway


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
63
63
Review of Beginnigs  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Did you intend to spell the title incorrectly? It immediately caught my attention.

So your words 'shot the duck'. As it were.

You got my attention, by misspelling your title.



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64
64
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sharmelle's Expressions ! I am reviewing this little children's tale on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: Let me first state that I don't write for children. Although some of my stories involve children, I don't market to that age group. That being said, I found that this reads a little older than toddler to five age group. Some of the words and phrases seemva little too hard for that age to understand.

My Suggestions:
For example:
As Hooter grows, he is at a loss by the cows' reaction Hmm. That sounds like a college professor reading. Maybe something friendlier is in order. Maybe: As Hooter the owl grows, he doesn't know why the cows say 'Moo!' when he says 'Hoo!'
He finally figures out the cows have been trying to teach him how to moo, which makes Hooter even more confused. This really is too complicated. Hooter finally decides the cows are trying to teach him how to say 'Moo'. Now Hooter is very confused.
Farmer Bob struts into the barn Does a child know what strut means? Ask one. If not, substitute another verb. Farmer Bob walks, Farmer Bob comes, Farmer Bob jumps, Farmer Bob dances. You get what I mean. Then a few times you revert to just plain Bob.
“Just like a man never listens to a woman.” Does this really need to be in a child's story? I don't get the connection.
Farmer Bob throws back his head with a big laugh. Perhaps: Farmer Bob has a big laugh as he throws back his head.
they are no longer picking on him Maybe: No longer do the cows make fun of his hooting.

So, as you can see, there are a lot of times I would change up things. But mainly I would reread this to make it more friendly to children. You state you want to market this story. There is lots of competition. Make sure this story is the very best it can be. Make it special.

Good luck!


Keep Calm and Write On!!

NormaJean Queen *Crown*

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” Ernest Hemingway


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
65
65
Review of Mr Moonlight  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Adherennium Dr of Phoolishness ! Welcome to Writing.com! I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond. I found your story in the Noticing Newbies Newsletter.

My Thoughts: Interesting tale of a mystery man and his driver.

My Favorite Part: I love a mystery. I wonder who and what he is. I also love an unlimited credit card. I hope Maria used it wisely.

My Suggestions: I always look for spelling and grammar, as those problems can quickly derail any writing. So here we go:
Take us there, I’ll call ahead This I would separate into two sentences. At the comma, use a period.
futilely at the silent room it was imprisoned in deep This seems awkward. Perhaps drop 'it was'.
Hotel, and their Again, I would drop the comma, add a period. It would break up the long sentence.
“and this is my assistant Miss Herrera.” I think 'and' needs to be capitalized.

I would enlarge the font on this as well. Make it 3.5. You can do this at the top of the page when you edit. That makes the story easier to read. I try to do this for all my work on the site. In fact, I am now going back to some of my older works and editing for just that reason.

Again, welcome to Writing.com! Good luck with this. It is an interesting little story.



Keep Calm and Write On!!

NormaJean Queen *Crown*

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” Ernest Hemingway


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
66
66
Review of Memories of Marty  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for this wonderful little story of memories. I too kept trinkets from our dog. Who knows why. I also made a memory box with pictures, a collar, and other little items that I can see every day. Wonderful when I think of Bonnie and all the fun times.

Good luck in the contest.

I see nothing I would change in this.



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67
67
Review of Catching Air  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Grin 'n Bear It! ! I am reviewing this story on behalf of The Talent Pond. To learn more about The Talent Pond, click here!

Since you were so kind as to like my little flash fiction tale, I thought I would check out your portfolio. I found this gem.

I, too, hate roller coasters. I get whiplash, scared-to-death fright whenever I go on one. And that has not happened in many years.

I saw nothing in this that I would change. The spelling and punctuation seem fine, the grammar good. You hooked me til the end. I had to chuckle.

Good job. Write on!

Queen NormaJean *Crown*



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68
68
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello BarbetteLouise ! I am writing this review on behalf of The Talent Pond. I am also honoring your anniversary on Writing.com.

My Thoughts: This is a heartfelt poem that resonated with me. I

My Favorite Part:

So I said okay what

He said in order for you to have your one and only!
He has to pray to me


You really found a way to tell readers the best way to pray to Jesus. Conversation with a friend. And the best way to find that perfect man is for Him to send him to you.


My Suggestions: I don't really have any criticisms about this poem. It seems well constructed. I saw no misspelled words.

Thank you for letting me read this wonderful little poem.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

NormaJean Queen *Crown*

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” Ernest Hemingway


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
69
69
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello SomaSilver ! I am reviewing your essay on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: This seems to be a heart-felt essay about diaries and betrayal. I too am an introvert, but finally realized too late that everyone is not my enemy.

My Favorite Part: It was me who killed a part of me.
I, myself, murdered a huge part of me.

My Suggestions: I did note a misspelled word.
'pitty' should be pity

I also would use the genres 'biographical, personal, emotional' - use anything but 'other'. This makes sure your writing can be searched by other readers. And who knows, they make recommend you for a Quills award. So be sure to make this as perfect as you can.

I see nothing else I would change.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

NormaJean Queen *Crown*

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” Ernest Hemingway


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
70
70
Review of Traffic Jam  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Chris Breva ! I am reviewing your story on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoug{hts: I would enjoy this more if you had left a line between paragraphs and enlarged the font. That would make this more readable.
Backman and Trollis PLLC And I would perhaps per a comma after 'Trollis'.

My Favorite Part: The entire trick about Daylight Savings Time. Don't we wish that would just go away! I hate those time changes as much as Roscoe...

My Suggestions: As I mentioned, try leaving more space between paragraphs. Right now, it is hard to read. I would also enlarge the font to at least 3.5, again to make this easier to read.

Thanks for the opportunity!

Keep Calm and Write On!!

NormaJean Queen *Crown*

“All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” Ernest Hemingway


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
71
71
Review of The shoe room  
Rated: E | (3.0)

I am reviewing this piece on behalf of The Talent Pond.
First of all, I am trying to decide if this is fiction or an essay, or a how-to piece. I find evidence of all these in this offering.
So I am going to consider that this is an essay. An essay about shoes.

I would first start by enlarging the font a bit. 3.5 seems to be the best for reading on this platform. Especially with long works of writing, small type is hard to read. So choose 3.5 at the top of the form when loading your work.

Then I would start a new paragraph with this line:
Until one day, when Mindy comes home . Currently, that paragraph seems too long. And in that paragraph, I see that you capitalize Summer. I personally think it shouldn't be capitalized, and Grammarly agrees. But that maybe is your preference.

This line The part when Mindy and Bob were young was small, smaller seems to not read well. Something about it just doesn't work for me.

Perhaps: There is a part in that room, a part that belongs neither to Mindy nor Bob. A part that was small when Mindy and Bob were young. Smaller than Bob's, but now has grown so big that in a few years it might even take over the entire shoe room. I have reworked that, broken it up into a few sentences, gave it a few new beginnings.

Mindy could get over Bob's new pair of shoes, and even though it hurts at first, it hurts so much in fact that her life seems shattered to piece, without meaning, she feels that this is not the end, that somehow all she has to do is to stay strong and everything will be fine. This sentence to me is again another too long statement. A run-on sentence, if you will. And the sentence after that suffers in the same way. Don't be afraid to break up your sentences. Some long, some short. They will have more impact.

These are totally my opinions. You have your own style. Perhaps this is your style. If so, embrace it.

I look forward to seeing more of your work on the site.

Write On!

Queen NormaJean II GreenEyes


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72
72
Review of Fragility Of Life  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond.

A very interesting and emotional short story. I did find a use of one word troublesome - 'costed'. I think that is a typo.

Then there is the text message part of the story. I don't use a cell phone or send texts. But to my understanding, aren't they usually short bursts of type? With abbreviations usually? Perhaps I am mistaken.

I see that you don't break up this story with paragraph breaks. I found this a little difficult to read because of that. Perhaps you did that on purpose, to add to the drama. I'm not quite sure.

I did find it interesting. Good start.

Queen NormaJean *Crown*



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73
73
Review of Bye, Dad  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a great tribute. I like the references to the tiny bits of food, the toys, the conversations. It reminds me of the recent visits with my aged mother.

You won a Quills award with this piece. It was deserved. Kudos.

Best of luck going forward. I see nothing in this piece I would change.


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74
74
Review of Imagination  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Cute story, but I think you got mommy and grandma confused to start. I had to read it a few times to see who was talking.


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75
75
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love this. I too lost a pet. It is like losing a member of your family.

The rhyme scheme is good. I am not a poet, so I'm not sure what the scheme is, I just see it's 'AABB'.

If the picture you posted is the kitten you speak of, what fun!

Thanks for sharing.





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