*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/normajeantrent/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7
Review Requests: ON
406 Public Reviews Given
473 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to give friendly advice that I hope will help, not harm.
I'm good at...
I enjoy picking out spelling mistakes. Bad punctuation also bothers me.
Favorite Genres
Fiction
Least Favorite Genres
poetry, fan fiction, fantasy, anything erotic or about death, gay or lesbian
Favorite Item Types
flash fiction, short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
long stories, novels, poems, lyrics. I don't write them so I don't feel as though I can review them.
I will not review...
Anything erotic or with cruelty to people or animals. I will not review anything dealing with the gay/lesbian lifestyle.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 5 6 -7- 8 ... Next
151
151
Review of Greyson Dante  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello! 💙 Carly I am writing this review on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I liked the beginning of this little tale, good characters to start.

My Favorite Part: Your description of the old man at the start. I can see that man in my mind's eye.

My Suggestions: I think you had a spelling typo. Should be dog whisperer, not whispered. Also, I think the number 30 should be spelled out. And then there were a few instances where the beginning of statements were not capitalized. Those are relatively minor fixes that can be changed with careful rereading.

There are the bare bones for a longer story here. It says this may become a mystery romance. So I can see that perhaps the little girl at the beginning is involved. You've given us the character. Good luck.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
152
152
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hello! Silver Phoenix I am reviewing this piece of behalf of The Talent Pond. I first saw your request for reviews on the Newsfeed.

My Thoughts:So - as I started to read your work, I instantly was put off by this:
'She was close, she stepped forward, she would have to be, she was ready, she had trained she darted to, all she saw…. She, she, she did this, she did that. And then there was Her heart and her fingers and her dagger."

Pronouns instead of descriptions.

The same thing happened as you got down to introducing Leo. He and his are peppered throughout the paragraph introducting that character.

What if it went like this:
“Quickly glancing around to be sure the position was right, Ashrym stopped forward and edged carefully toward the bush, careful to be silent and stay in the cover…..Her heart was racing and slim fingers gipped the dagger’s hilt……

I think reworking this and eliminating some of the pronoun usage would help alot. More use of verbs show action, move the story along.

Another idea, use contractions for I am and It is - I’m and It’s. When I read the conversations aloud, those two words sound better when they are shortened, in my opinion.

From what I read, you have an interesting idea. Tweaking things a bit just may give life to the story. And wake up your muse!

So, that is my humble review. Take it or leave it. Everyone has their own style.

My Suggestions: Beyond what I wrote above, I would also do some editing on the spacing. There seems to be some work needed on the paragraphs. They seem to begin and end at weird intervals.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
153
153
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! Odessa Molinari I am reviewing this story on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I loved this little tale. What fun! It made me laugh.

My Favorite Part: The ending. Yep - seeing a flying pig will do that to a man! Did you know in Cincinnati, OH they have a park with statues of flying pigs? And I quote:
"They're up there singing the 'Hallelujah' chorus over all of their dead brethren that gave their life to the foundation of the great city of Cincinnati," Leicester said.
This was long before the Cincinnati Flying Pig Marathon or the "Big Pig Gig" art statues graced the streets of Cincinnati.
At the time, people mocked the pigs and questioned why the city would embrace the Porkopolis title.
But public art is about starting a conversation and building a civic identity.
Slowly, it seems, we have all gotten in on the joke.

"Cincinnati has got probably one of the most successful public artworks in the country," Leicester said.

My Suggestions: I was a bit put off by the local colloquialisms - but I figured out the words by the way you used them, so no harm, no foul.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
154
154
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, that is kind of dark. So maybe the first thing I would change would be the rating. Since you mention blood, brains being blown, kidnapped. Those sorts of things perhaps people would not want their children reading. I would maybe consider raising the rating on this poem to 13+.

That being said, I am intrigued by the mystery of this. Did you do it? Or was the brother murdered by someone else? Hmmm. There are clues, but first it says he was kidnapped but at the end I'm not sure.

I don't write poetry, so I'm not sure if this has a rhyme scheme, or if you intended it to be free verse. But you definitely tell a story.

I am writing this review on behalf of The Talent Pond. Welcome to Writing.com. We hope your stay here is enjoyable. We are a friendly group. You will find lots of support and encouragement on your journey.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown* just a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
155
155
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Bee* Hello Agape Novels I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond.

*Bee* Thoughts: I thought this quite an unusual take on a parable. You have reworked the idea of a savior, this time using the Corona virus as sin. Interesting concept.

*Bee* Favorite Part: I guess the last line.

*Bee* Suggestions for You: So I found some errors in this work. Bear with me as I list them:
You start off by indenting the paragraphs, then suddenly you stop, then start again. For consistency, either indent or not.
Here there was vaccine I think there is a word missing.
In this line: They say, “I’m covered today” or “You better get covered for today” I think there needs to be a period at the end of each 'today'.
Numbers should be spelled out: 3 days later
I think here you meant completely? he was completed cure.
Two places you use a capital V- where other places you do not. The Virus
And here a past tense verb able to infected where I think you mean infect.

As you can see, there seems to be some more proofreading needed. I would suggest you read this aloud. See how it flows as you read. See if the dialogue sounds believable. You have the bare bones of a good idea, it just needs some more flesh to make it a great story.
Keep Calm and Write On!


Norma Jean *Crown* Queen *Bee*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
156
156
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hello Rich.hi Well - you'll have to give us the owner's manual here. I am unable to decode this without the magic decoder ring.

So - that being said, welcome to Writing.com. We hope you feel welcome here and I look forward to reading your work in the future. And I hope I can understand your language next time. Perhaps you will give us non-native speakers lessons.

I have to give you a low rating because I can't read the story. Sorry about that. So translate for me, repost and I'll be glad to review this for you again.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean *Crown* in Quarantine just a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
157
157
Review of Run Away  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Bee* Hello chantelle I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond.

*Bee* Thoughts: This small little tale seems to be about a traveler finding her way in a post-apocalyptic world. It read easily. It kept my attention, and the ending left me wanting more.

*Bee* Favorite Part: I guess the name of the protagonist. Genesis sounds good - a new start?

*Bee* Suggestions for You: I would suggest that you separate the dialogue lines. Currently you have all the lines bunched together. It might make for a better reading for your viewers. Your characters deserve to have their dialogue assigned their own lines, not shared by others. I hope that makes sense.

I'm always on the lookout for spelling and grammar, punctuation errors. I didn't see any glaring errors there.
These are my opinions. Everyone has their own style.

Keep Calm and Write On!


Norma Jean *Crown* Queen *Bee*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
158
158
Review of Why in the World?  
Rated: E | (5.0)
God did create the world to share with His creations. I like your take on God. God as a loving, kind being.

This reminds me of an old joke:
So a person tells God it isn't so hard to create a man. So they start. The person tells God he just needs some dirt. So God tells him, make your own dirt. Only God can create something from just thinking. That is why God is God.

I review this work on behalf on The Talent Pond. I see no glaring errors in spelling or punctuation or grammar that I would change.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Keep Calm and Write On!
Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
159
159
Review of silence  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hi sherry6 I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I like this little monologue. It speaks to me, as someone who is also a quiet person. I usually like my company better than most people. So sequestering during this pandemic is no big deal for me. We introverts are like that. But, as you point out, we need to get out and be among others at times. We are social animals.

So, that being said, on with what I saw in the nuts and bolts of what you wrote.

Spelling is a big deal for me. I noticed this = Threw - through. Usage in English is tricky.
Also, are parentheses at the end really needed? Just add the line. With my dogs. That would be a good way to end this, in my opinion.

But overall, I liked your little piece. Good job. Welcome to Writing.com A fun little place to meet people passionate about writing.

Keep Calm and Write On
Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
160
160
Review of Earthset  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love it! Give me a real book any day! Good luck in the contest.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
161
161
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello! Soare

My Thoughts: Welcome to Writing.com. I am reviewing this piece on behalf of The Talent Pond. It seems like this is a tale of Charlie who is trying to deal with some bad memories.

My Favorite Part: The image "sleep was miles away from Charlie's eyes". I like the sound of that.

My Suggestions: There were some problems with spelling. the silver picture fra,e. = I'm sure this was supposed to be frame. His heart was aching and he wants to cry = I think this might read better if it was he wanted - past tense.
Then when it says the distance between them increase. = perhaps you meant increased. When the old man says "You might have watching horror movies in night. = it seems like a word is missing.

These are just some points I noticed as I read your piece. I am a nerd when it comes to spelling and grammar. I view those as important items to correct before I send out a piece, especially for a contest.

But those are just my personal opinions. Take them or leave them. Everyone has their own style.

Welcome to Writing.com. This is a great site to explore and post your writing. I know I love it!
Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
162
162
Review of Enrichment  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kudos for winning the Writer's Cramp.

I am. therefore, I think. Ah.... if everyone could only do a little more thinking.

I have no criticisms of this piece. I see nothing I could do to make this better. Good writing.

Thank you.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean *Crown* in Quarantine









*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
163
163
Review of New Places  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thanks for letting me review this little tale for The Talent Pond. I see that this is a Flash Fiction entry.
Since this is constrained by the contest to less than 300 words, it was not really allowed to be developed to its full potential, in my opinion.

There was a disconnect in the action and the resolution at the end. I'm not sure why the family had to find a new place to live. Not enough information is given to the reader. It seems like you had a few more words you could have used to perhaps given us a few clues. And in my opinion, the line about 'toast' just didn't ring true. It was there for a reason but what was the reason? Was it a clue? A secret message?

I always look for punctuation and spelling. I didn't see any glaring errors in your work. These are just my opinions, so use them as you see fit. Thanks for your time.

Keep Calm and Write On
Queen Norma Jean *Crown* in Quarantine


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
164
164
Review of MARCH  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I am reviewing this poem on behalf of The Talent Pond.

Seems like you did a good job with an Acrostic poem. I like the images.

Boy, didn't March come in like a lion this year! It surely did throw the world into a tailspin.

Thank you.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
165
165
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello! Official Malfunction I am reviewing this piece on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: This is considered a prologue. I'm not sure what the final work is to be. There is really not enough information about what is coming after this little bit of a tease.

My Favorite Part: The mystery that leaves the reader wanting more.

My Suggestions: I am a stickler for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. I see there are some mistakes in this piece in several areas. Perhaps you should proofread again and correct a few errors. If you would like to know the specifics, I would be glad to let you know what I saw on my first reading. Again, this is my first impression. There is potential here for an intriguing prologue.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
166
166
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
LinkTextHere ▼ b} Hello! Hyperiongate I am reviewing this work on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I read this thinking it was just the usual Flash Fiction little tale, nothing special. You got me hooked! Oun intended.

My Favorite Part: The last line! Perfect.

My Suggestions: Perhaps there is a quotation mark out of place - the line "like them". You put the period before the quotation not after as it should be. A minor flaw in this to be sure.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
167
167
Review of Green  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! AJBurchell- Australia }
I am reviewing your little tale on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts:What a fun little description about a grasshopper.

My Favorite Part:I like the way you describe this little insect in only 50 words, a hard feat.

My Suggestions:I notice that all verbs are in past tense, until the last sentence. The favorite color was, everything I own was, and so on. Perhaps you could change the tense to present tense? That to me would make it read a little easier. Make it in the here and now. Just an observation.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
168
168
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! Jim T : I am writing this review on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: That town sounds like everyone's idea of the small town they want to go back to. The small town of their dreams. A town where everyone knows everyone. Do towns like that still exist?

My Favorite Part: You seem to have a good rhyming scheme. A B C B - if I read correctly. I'm not sure what that is called, since I am not a poet, and I rarely write poetry.

My Suggestions: I really have none. Good job.

Welcome to Writing.com. We are a welcoming group. You will find lots to do here. Lots of contests, and challenges for all types of writing.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
169
169
Review of Hello  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! Harmony } - Welcome to to Writing.com. I am reviewing your biographical piece, Hello, on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: You seem to be very passionate about your love for writing. I am so glad you found this writing site! This group of writers is also passionate about writing - in all forms! Fiction, non-fiction, essays, poetry, novels, any kind of writing is welcome here. I challenge you to explore this site and get acquainted with all Writing.com has to offer.

My Favorite Part: Your honesty and willingness to share.

My Suggestions: I would suggest that you check your spelling on this essay. There are some typos I noticed. There are also some sections that could be reworded for clarity. I always reread my work aloud before I post it to check for errors. Often times I will find errors that way.

Thank you for letting me review your work

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine *Crown*





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
170
170
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thank you for letting me review this poem. I am reviewing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

You're right - it's bad. But at least it rhymed! I'm not a fan of poetry, and don't go out of my way to write any, so kudoes to you.

Pretty amusing. No criticisms for spelling or form.

Keep calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine for a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
171
171
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for letting me review this unique tale. I am reviewing your story on behalf of The Talent Pond.

Your story flowed well, and kept me interested. I had no criticisms for spelling to punctuation, which are areas I always check.

One thing I was curious about was how can someone chuckle dryly? Weird term - I would maybe reconsider this. It sounds awkward.

Then that last sentence perhaps is an error - should it be "an error that must be fixed for the next test run"? Keep it in the present tense? Just an observation.

So beware of the computer as we all sit huddled around it as we are in quarantine, huh? Thank you.

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine for just a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
172
172
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay - fun story. You hooked me at the end. Didn't see that coming. The story flowed nicely. You set the stage and the characters were believable.

A few things I did notice, however:
At the beginning, the line with the redwood tree. Perhaps if you put the comma after 'he stopped' it would have more impact.

'widened in elation'? What the heck? Too fancy.

'$100 for paying bills and designer shoes' maybe about 20 years ago, not now.

'After the phrase 'bound feet' perhaps put the (.) period to make it read better.

'She calls him an idiot. Then the line drops down. Perhaps incorporate those two lines together to know who is speaking.'

'You mention he is wearing a suit. Did he work in a casual office where they wear a suit with tennis shoes? Just a thought.'

'The last observation - how does she get the $ from him? He is hanging from a rope and she grabs the $100 bill.'

So, other than those notes I had, good job.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine just a little while longer

'


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
173
173
Review of Maze  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am reviewing your essay on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I can feel the pain in this work. The emotion is there in the words. The conversation between Amy and Divya is raw and brutal. You can tell that Amy has been hurt and hurt deeply. She is lucky to have this sister to help her through the maze of pain and rejection.

A few ideas for you though. You may want to tighten up the capitalizations at the beginning of the sentences. Breaking up the thoughts a bit to make your work more readable would also help. Giving each character their own division helps in that way.

Thanks and good luck. Writing.com is a great site. Welcome.

Keep Calm and Write On!
Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine for a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
174
174
Review of Freedom  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ken, thank you for your impression of a hummingbird in flight. They are some of my favorite birds.

Their iridescent colors and whirring wings - and yes, even the little tiny bit of wind in your hair as they pass. You captured the miniature bits of feathers in that poem.

Hummingbirds are fierce and free. I love them. This is a good poem. I'm not very familiar with the poetry and the 'tanka' style. But you seemed to achieve it.

Thank you.

Keep Calm and Write On
Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine just a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
175
175
Review of Her  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Thank you for letting me review your story. I wasn't quite sure what the point of this tale was, what the hook was. I read it twice, and the main idea I came away with was "Show, don't tell."

The term 'mesmeric way they shimmered' speaking of the woman's eyes was a bit of a stumbling block for me. Somehow it just didn't work. To me I just can't imagine anyone thinking or saying that. Hypnotizing maybe, mesmeric never.

Perhaps a bit of dialogue between the two characters would help? Unless of course you meant this to be all internal dialogue just with the main character.

Some of the main things I always look at are grammar, punctuation and spelling. And I didn't see any of those errors in this piece.

So, the poor guy, no name, no phone number, no clue. I wish him luck.

Stay Calm and Write On
Queen Norma Jean in Quarantine just a little while longer


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
196 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 8 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/normajeantrent/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7