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101
101
Review of SIRIUS  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Monochrome ! I'm OOT™ and I'm honored to review your work on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I can tell that you really took my suggestions in your last story to heart. This one was much better than your other first draft. I am so proud of you!

The title is interesting and made me want to read the story. I don't know much about the stars, so you taught me something as well with this piece. And I loved the character's name, Pisces. You did a terrific job of describing Michael, but I'd like to know more about Pisces' physical appearance.

The transitions between scenes were much smoother than in your last story, and I only noticed one error with tense (we'll get to that later). When I got to the scene where Pisces ran into Michael at the library, my eyes were glued to the screen. If there were any errors in that part of the story, I didn't notice. I was too busy watching the scene unfold.

You realize I'm going to bug you to write another part to this story, right? I have to know if Michael and Pisces end up together! And why didn't he remember her? Pisces is an unusual name not to remember. Had he suffered a trauma that caused him to lose his memory? You can't leave me hanging!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I would rearrange this sentence: "I would go to this abandoned pier in my hometown by my old rusty bicycle when I was 15." to "I would ride my old rusty bicycle to an old abandoned pier in my hometown when I was 15."

"I used to go there when the sun set and wait for the night to come."

"...pointing at the brightest star in the sky."

"...but he had these manly broad shoulders." The rest of the story is in past tense.

" I was too busy in working two jobs." The word "in" should be omitted.

"I couldn’t even send a mail because I didn’t even know where they were."

Pisces hasn't wanted to go out for 10 years, but she because separated from Michael 16 years ago. What happened during the first 6 years? Did she have a boyfriend? Married? What happened to the relationship?

*Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr**Starr*


Overall: It is truly a pleasure watching you grow as a writer. I admire your eagerness and your willingness to work hard to master your craft. Thank you for asking me to review this terrific short story. It was truly a pleasure!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


Superpower image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
102
102
Review of Striking pulp  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Conwritedd . I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: First of all, I commend you for getting this story out of your head and onto paper (the computer). I'm ashamed to say that, even though the story was very short and I absolutely love horror stories, I couldn't make enough sense of it to read it from beginning to end. You change tenses with every sentence. In fact, you sometimes change tense within a sentence. I couldn't get into the first paragraph, so I went to the third and last paragraph. I couldn't understand it either. So I tried the second paragraph. And I couldn't find one sentence that made sense.

My Suggestions: Let's go through a few sentences at the beginning of the story:

"The clouds rides through the ocean sky, the twilight synchronized by getting dimmer and dimmer." Did you mean the clouds ride through the ocean sky? Or they rise? Next sentence:

"I stood there while the strong wind blows until my hair moves backward." The word "stood" indicates that the story is written in past tense, but the words "blows" and "moves" indicate present tense. Next sentence:

"The strong gale evaporates my eyeball and I squinted with my eyelids." The word "evaporates" indicates present tense, but the word "squinted" indicates past tense. And I find "evaporates my eyeball" a strange phrase. Next sentence:

"The collars of my jacket lead way to wind through the excessive heat of my body." Jackets normally have only one collar. And that sentence makes no sense to me. Next sentence:

"Receptors in my skin activates the goosebumps of my body." Receptors activate, not activates. Next sentence:

"My fingers collects icing coldness and makes my shiver." I'm not sure what this means either, but I do know it should be "...makes me shiver."

Overall: Thank you for sharing your work. I wish I could be more helpful, but I just couldn't tell what you intended to convey with this story.

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
103
103
Review of Journey  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Simonini Simonini . First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: First of all, the rating for your story should be changed to "13+" because alcohol is mentioned in the story.

The title and description of this story are intriguing and appropriate, and they made me want to read this piece. You gave the reader quite a bit of information with relatively few words. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write something meaningful or to get your point across using few words, and you did a great job of it here.

First person narration worked well for this piece, and I found myself empathizing with the narrator. If this story is personal, it saddens me that you have such little interaction with the world. Why would you not want to get close to your grandchildren? And you may end up liking your new house even better than the one in which you currently live!

My Suggestions: As I said before, you should change the rating of the story from "E" to "13+". I strongly suggest that you review "Content Rating System (CRS) to become familiar with the content rating system. You can click on the link in this review.

I almost think that English is your second language with the way the story is written. Although I was able to understand what you intended to say in most instances, the sentences could be written more clearly. For example, I would change:

"It has been a long time since I go out of my place. Mostly I confines myself in my house. In this age of seventy, it is better to say that I lost my enthusiasm to explore the outer world." to

"I has been a long time since I have left my house. At the age of seventy, I have lost my enthusiasm to explore the outer world. Mostly, I confine myself to my room."

Later in the story, you did mention that you stay in your room most of the time.

Overall: This is an interesting short story that would be much better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to do so, please don't hesitate to contact me if I can be of assistance. I look forward to seeing you around WDC!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
104
104
Review of LIGHT  
Review by OOT™
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Wow! This is much, MUCH better! I can empathize with Jacob so much better now that you have written more about him. The transitions between scenes are smoother as well.

I cleared my rating of the story and gave a rating that is more appropriate for the edited version. Thanks for allowing me to read it again. I told you it would be much better! *Bigsmile*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
105
105
Review of The Replacement  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I love flash fiction, and I know from experience how difficult it is to write a meaningful story in 300 words our less. You made it seem effortless. You adequately established the plot, the scene, the characters, the conflict and the resolution. The story quickly captured my attention, and you held my interest throughout.

The plot was original, and I was anxious to see how the story would end. I love stories with a twist at the end, and this one is terrific. Although cliffhangers tend to be a hit or miss for me, this one was definitely the latter. Great job!

My Suggestions: I suggest that you change the story's description to something that gives the reader a hint as to what the story is about. You have already established that it's fiction in the story type. And I, for one, am more likely to read a story when the author gives me a small clue as to what to expect.

In the sentence, "His voice though tender as fresh autumn leaves floating upon a smooth glassy lake tasted like foul, bitter ash upon my tongue," I suggest that you set off "though tender as fresh autumn leaves floating upon a smooth glassy lake" off with commas. Otherwise, I stumble over the sentence.

"guaging his reaction" should be "gauging his reaction." I'm surprised spellcheck didn't catch it, because it kept autocorrecting when I typed the misspelled word.

I couldn't help but wonder why Adam didn't know that Bernuli had a twin sister named Eve if he had been in a relationship with her.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
106
106
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, MysticFox . First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: I love flash fiction and comedy, so this story was right up my alley. I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, and I must say that you did a terrific job. You story was interesting and well written.

The title was appropriate, and the description was accurate and interesting. The first line of the story drew me in, and the story held my interest throughout. The ending was great as well.

If you haven't already done so, you should check out "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge. I think you would do well in this contest!

My Suggestions: I suggest capitalizing the word "foot" in the title of the story. I think it makes the story look more professional.

I also feel that the story would be more visually appealing to the reader if it wasn't double spaced. At first I thought each paragraph of the story was only one line but was pleased that I was wrong. I would suggest skipping lines between paragraphs only. If you look at the stories of other members of WDC, you will see that the authors only skip lines between paragraphs.

Finally, I suggest that you add "dark" as another genre of the story. You have the ability to list 3 genres, and the story is so much more that just a comedy.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review. I can already tell you're going to do well on WDC, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
107
107
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, mblank . I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: Wow! This was a terrific short story. I chose this piece, because the title intrigued me, and I'm a sucker for weird tales, so the story was right up my alley. I quickly discovery that I made a good choice. The story was very well written, and your descriptive writing style made it easy for me to picture the scenes as they occurred.

First person narration worked well for this piece. I imagined the narrator to be from an upper class family from a time period many decades ago. I found myself empathizing with the character and wishing she would get what she was longing for. Needless to say, I loved the ending! If you didn't win the contest with this little gem, I'd be surprised.

My Suggestions: Although I really tried, I found no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation.

I would suggest that you consider changing the genre from "fantasy" to "supernatural." I don't think fantasy adequately describes this extraordinary story.

As I was reading, I wanted to suggest changing "we were none of us right" in the first paragraph to "none of us were right," but as I read on, I agree that the phrase you have works best. It seems better for the time period that it seems the story was describing.

Overall: I loved this outstanding short story. It was truly a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
108
108
Review of Opiate  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, champaignesupernova . First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: Although I've never suffered from drug addiction, I have talked to many who have, and the feelings you describe seem to be the general consensus. If the story is personal and you are currently an addict, I encourage you to seek treatment. There are many rehabilitation facilities that offer such help. If you aren't an addict, then you did a great job of describing what it must feel like.

I didn't understand the purpose of certain words capitalized throughout the piece. At first, I thought those particular must be important to you in your battle, but there were so many, that couldn't be the reason. You have terrific descriptions, but the lack of punctuation and the numerous capitalizations detracted from my reading enjoyment.

My Suggestions: First of all, I suggest that you add punctuation to the piece. You have no periods at the end of sentences, and it makes the piece extremely difficult to read with clarity. After you do that, I suggest that you edit to get rid of any capitalization that isn't necessary. As I'm sure you know, capital letters are only warranted at the beginning of sentences and with proper nouns.

Neurotransmitters is spelled incorrectly.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this piece. It was a good read that could be much better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to do so, I would be happy to help in any way I can. Again, welcome to WDC, and I look forward to seeing you around!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
109
109
Review of Crystal's Charms  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Dave ! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: Wow! I was completely mesmerized by this story, and I would go so far as to say that this is the best story I have read on WDC! I literally had goosebumps as I read.

I live in an area where I see many lives destroyed as a result of crystal meth, so this story really hit home. You convey so much in such a short time. I rechecked the genre and description to see if this was a personal experience, because I had a hard time believing one could capture such raw, vivid, heartfelt emotion in a fictional piece. First person narrative was the perfect choice, and I found myself feeling despair for the narrator.

The title worked well for the story, and you truly made every word count. Your writing style is amazing, and it felt as though I took the tumultuous journey with Mary Beth. The ending was excellent as well, and the photo added to the overall experience of the story.

My Suggestions: I'm still in awe, so I can't imagine how I could suggest something that I deem to be perfect any better. In an effort to try, I would suggest changing the story's description from "Flash Fiction" to give the reader a hint as to what the story is about.

Overall: It was truly a pleasure reading and reviewing this fantastic story. I will most definitely be visiting your port again soon!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
110
110
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Parker ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: I loved this story until the last sentence. That just killed it for me. In that regard, I think it's more fanfiction. I don't want to give anything away for future readers, but I just can't imagine that particular person ever put in that position. I mean, why would he answer a newspaper ad for employment and then go to work without questioning what he was supposed to be doing? I know the creature at the end of the story was unbelievable, but I actually find the character even more unbelievable.

I kept wondering why comedy was one of the story's genres, and I can see the intent, but I think it missed the mark. Don't get me wrong. I think this is a very well-written piece, and you captured my attention at the beginning of the story and kept it throughout. I think it could be an EXCELLENT thriller/horror story with a different ending. Nevertheless, I still have to give it a high rating, because you have a terrific writing style, and I really enjoyed reading it.

My Suggestions: Well, you already know I wasn't pleased with the ending, so I'll shut up about that. First, I suggest that you change the title of the story to something fitting for the story. Some people wouldn't read a story called "Flash Fiction Story" because it isn't an appropriate title. It tells nothing at all about the writing. I would suggest "Read the Fine Print" because of what you wrote at the beginning of the story, but I found it unusual, because it's never actually mentioned in the story.

I also suggest that you change the description to give the reader a hint of what the story is about. "A Short Story" tells us nothing. You can glance at the size of the story (6.40 KB) and tell it's a short story.

I suggest changing the sentence, "They appeared to be about 5 feet long in length or so." When you say 5 feet long, it's a given that you're referring to length. And when you say "about," it's a given that it's not a completely accurate measure, so "or so" is repetitive. I suggest changing the sentence to, "They appeared to be about 5 feet long."

Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. You have a terrific writing style, and I can already tell you're going to be a huge asset to the WDC community! I look forward to visiting your port again soon.

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
111
111
Review of illicit affair  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, kaitlyn ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: I'm glad to see that you have already written so many items! I chose this piece, because I saw that it's the first chapter of a story, so what better place to start? The title was intriguing, and even though this chapter was extremely short, I enjoyed reading it.

First person narrative works well for this story, and you captured my interest from the first few words and held it throughout. I must say, though, that this was more of a very short scene than a chapter in a story. I would expect a chapter to be much longer.

My Suggestions: First, I suggest capitalizing the title of the story. I think it looks more professional, and I, for one, am more likely to read a story when the title is capitalized.

Next I suggest that you skip lines between paragraphs to make the story easier to read and more visually appealing.

I found that the story had many run-on sentences, sentence fragments and spelling errors. For example, "He’s doing it on purpose the lip brushing against my ear when he whispers something pointless into it." is a run-on sentence. This could be remedied by changing it to something like, "He's brushing his lips against my ear when he whispers something pointless to me on purpose."

"The low hum of his voice." is a sentence fragment. What about the low hum of his voice?

"I’m sat in a room..." should be "I'm sitting in a room..."

"... way to obvious" should be "...way too obvious"

"ironclad composer" should be "ironclad composure"

Overall: This is a good chapter that would be much better after a thorough edit. I hope you decide to add more to each chapter of the story, because I find what you already have very interesting. Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
112
112
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Maryann ! I'm OOT™ , and I'm especially honored to review one of the upper staff members of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group!

My Thoughts: I loved this little story! I remember reading similar stories as a child, and this little gem was just as good. I chose this piece, because I was intrigued by the title and description, and I wasn't disappointed!

The photo at the beginning of the story was a nice touch and, combined with your descriptive writing, it was easy to picture the scene as I read. The story held my interest throughout. I particularly like the way you told the reader how the business came to be before letting Mandy and Gina dive into their first real case.

The characters that appeared in the story were interesting and believable, and I enjoyed the girls' interactions with them. I couldn't suppress a smile as I read this lighthearted children's story. Great job!

My Suggestions: First and foremost, I suggest that you turn the Lemonade Girls Detective Agency into a series of children's books. I think they would be a huge success. Along with the characters you have already introduced, you can bring more onto the scene in future books. And with all of those characters, there will be many mysteries to solve!

I just noticed a few things that I would suggest changing:

"We want to save up money so that we could buy a big playhouse from Toys R Us." should be "We wanted to save up money so that we could buy a big playhouse from Toys R Us." The sentence before and after are in past tense, so the word should be changed to keep that sentence in past tense as well.

“Where is buster?" should be "Where is Buster?" The dog's name is capitalized every other time it is mentioned.

Overall: It was truly a pleasure to read and review this short story that took me on a little trip down memory lane. Thanks for sharing, and I will definitely be visiting your port again soon!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
113
113
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Apologue ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time! I see that you already have several items in your portfolio. That's terrific!

My Thoughts: I chose this story, because it was one of the first items you wrote, so I figured it would be a good starting point. I see that you enjoy writing flash fiction. I love reading and writing it as well, so I can already tell we're going to get along great!

I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a complete, meaningful story using few words, and I must say that you did a great job! The title was appropriate and intriguing, and I was anxious to see what the story was about. First person narrative worked well for this story. I could easily empathize with and fear for the narrator.

Although the recurring nightmare concept is often used in stories, your plot was original enough and held my interest. The ending was my favorite part of the story and completely took me by surprise. Great job!

My Suggestions: First and foremost, the story's rating should be changed from "E" to "ASR" because of the mention of alcohol in the story.

I suggest that you change the description to give the reader a hint as to what the story is about. You could still put that it was a contest entry at the end of the description. I would also suggest that you add more genres. Although the story is a contest entry, it is also suspenseful, dark...maybe even action/adventure.

I believe "reoccurring" should be changed to "recurring". I'm sure you will agree if you look up the definitions of both words.

When writing flash fiction, you have to be careful to make every word count and avoid using unnecessary words. Also, I noticed a few run-on sentences. For example, "Right then, a stranger walks beside me, when I turn, a carbon copy of myself glares back, with a look of pure disdain," could be written as, "Simultaneously, I notice a stranger beside me. I turn to see a carbon copy of myself glaring at me disdainfully."

Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. I thoroughly enjoyed the read, and I can already tell you're going to be a great asset to the WDC community. It was a pleasure to read and review your work, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
114
114
Review of The Dead Letter  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hello, Liam I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because I was intrigued by the title, and I'm glad I did! You made excellent use of the prompt sentence, and I like the way you made the note at the end of the story about the reason for its use.

Although the story was quite short, it was complete. The plot was original, and first person narration worked well for this piece. I could just imagine poor Malcom's despair at having to make a 65 mile journey to deliver one letter. And I could easily picture the envelope from your vivid description.

The ending of the story was perfect. I found myself wondering if Mary's son died shortly after he sent the card since the postmark was 15 years old and he had died 15 years before. I almost wish Mary would have elaborated about the time and circumstances of his death, but the mystery works well for the story. I love a story in which something so seemingly trivial ultimately teaches a valuable lesson. Great job!

My Suggestions: I think the story is terrific as evidenced by my five star rating. I noticed no errors in grammar, spelling or punctuation.

I did wonder, however, why Malcom had to drive so far to deliver the letter. I realize that he delivers the mail, but wouldn't it be up to the Masonville mail carrier to deliver this particular letter? And why was there only 1 letter on the truck? It's not something that detracted from the story for me. Those are just questions that came to mind while writing my review.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this emotional short story. I thoroughly enjoyed the read, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
115
115
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Slime-J~Has given up . I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: This is a great idea for a story, and the words, for the most part are spot-on. I gave the low rating because every paragraph in the story was one extremely long run-on sentence. That, in turn, made it extremely difficult for me to read it in the way you must have intended.

The plot was rather original, and I love the idea of a haunted piano that the owner is compelled to play despite his or her misgivings. First person narration worked well for this piece, but I find it surprising that, after reading the entire story, I know relatively nothing about the narrator. The story revealed nothing about the narrator's sex, age or physical description. And how in the world could one person carry a piano into their home?

My Suggestions: I suggest that you do a thorough edit of the story to get rid of all of the run-on sentences. Each paragraph needs to be broken into several sentences. I'll give you an example with a paragraph that also has spelling errors:

"I ended up just playing songs that had been stuck in my head for about an hour and the chill never went away actually it got more intense as I was playing the piano it got so intense that by the time I finished playing the last song I was visable shanking even though I was warpped up in a thick blanket and had my coat and hoodie on as well."

The paragraph could be rewritten as:

"I ended up just playing songs that were stuck in my head for about an hour, and the chill never went away. Actually, it became more intense as I played. By the time I finished the last song, I was visibly shaking despite wearing a coat over my hoodie and being wrapped up in a thick blanket."

Throughout the story, you used the word "craving" when you meant "carving."

Overall: This story would be so good after a thorough edit to eliminate the run-on sentences and spelling errors. Should you decide to do so, please let me know if I can be of any assistance. Thank you for sharing your work, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon.

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
116
116
Review of LIGHT  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Monochrome ! First of all, welcome to WDC! I'm sure you'll love it here. I'm OOT™ , and I would be happy to help you with anything you need. Feel free to email me at any time!

My Thoughts: You have a great idea for a story here! It's a bit difficult writing a story such as this in first person narrative. You have to work hard to describe the narrator in such a way that helps the reader relate to him and/or empathize with him. I learned from the description that his name was Jake, but that isn't mentioned in the story. You did tell us a few things about the narrator: he's 27, a nontraditional college student, has a scar, is getting wrinkled and wears glasses. It's just not enough in a story like this.

I love the way the story began with the dream and then ended with the dream actually happening. Cliffhanger endings are either a hit or a miss for me, but I really like the way the story ended. I was left with so many questions: What happened to Jacob? Did he and the 18 year old end up together? In this instance, though, I liked being left wondering. Good job!

My Suggestions: I would love to see more added to the story. Maybe the story could begin with the narrator telling a bit more about himself and his history up until the point the story begins. Had he worked? Why did he decide to go to college? How had his extreme shyness affected him?

The story is in the present tense, but there are a lot of instances where you switch to past tense. For example, " I was just too afraid to do anything. I couldn't run." should be "I am just too afraid to do anything. I can't run."

Throughout the story, you write a lot of short sentences that could easily be combined to form one sentence. For example, "I get this dream too often. Nightmare actually. I get used to it." could simply be written as "I have had this nightmare so often, I'm used to it."

I found it a bit difficult to believe that the narrator had been in a class with the other guy for an entire semester and hadn't even learned his name. Hadn't the professor or another student ever mentioned it?

Overall: This is a good story that could be much better with more description and suggested revisions. It was a pleasure reading and reviewing your work, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon.

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review the work of a fellow member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

My Thoughts: First and foremost, because of the horror scene with the little girl in the last few paragraphs, the story should be rated "ASR" rather than its current "E" rating.

Now, to the story. I chose this story because it was written almost a year ago but has no ratings. I'm here to remedy that! I think the story would gain more attention if you capitalized the words of the title. I think it would make the story seem more professional and visually appealing.

Horror is one of my favorite genres, and you created a nice little scary tale here. You did a good job of creating the scene, and I could easily imagine the scene that you described. I rarely see a story written in second person point of view, and I found it interesting and more like I was a part of the story. I also like the way you mentioned the prompt at the beginning to give readers an idea of what led to the story's creation.

My Suggestions: Again, I suggest that you change the rating to "ASR". I also suggest that you skip a line between paragraphs to make the story easier to read.

In the prompt, "Your" should be "You're" since it's a contraction for "you are".

"other peoples safety" should be "other people's safety" since you are attempting to show possession.

In this sentence, "Try as hard as you may you just aren't making any headway in making your way through the streets", you use the word "making" twice within a few words. A more succinct sentence would serve the same purpose: "Despite your best efforts, you make no progress in getting through the streets.."

The following sentence is even more wordy: "Between the people pushing you one way then the other, and the biting cold wind that has picked up you get frustrated after about ten minutes and decide, rather hastily, to try a shortcut down a less busy, in fact, completely empty alleyway." I believe it would be more concise as "Frustrated by people jostling you and the increasingly cold biting wind, you hastily decide to take a shortcut down an empty alleyway."

There are several other instances throughout the story where excessively wordy sentences would be replaced by shorter, more concise sentences.

You wrote the story in present tense, yet you wrote the last three paragraphs in past tense. Those paragraphs should be changed to present tense as well. I also noticed that you switched to past tense in numerous parts of the story. Examples are, "to see where the source of the sound was. It didn't take long..." This should be changed to "to see where the source of the sound is. It doesn't take long..."

Overall: This is a good horror story that could be much better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to do so, I would be glad to assist you. Regardless, thank you for sharing your work! I look forward to visiting your port again soon.



Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Once Upon A Time  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight**Star* "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Celebrating YOU Review Raid! *Star* *Star*


Hi, Angus - Ho, ha, heh! ! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work. Okay, that's my standard introduction, but I have to say that I'm super excited to be the first to review this article, because you have always been one of my favorite authors!!

My Thoughts: I always think of horror stories and dark little stories that leave me with goosebumps when I think of you, and I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by this biographical piece. I truly enjoyed learning more about you and the early part of your life. I'm glad you finally realized that you wanted to be a writer, because this site wouldn't be the same without you!

As always, I love your writing style. I actually chuckled a few times as I read. "An old wise man once said…something really wise." *Rolling* I particularly enjoyed the way you kept reminding the reader that you were talking about yourself. Only you!

My Suggestions: Well, I suggest that you keep working on "Penny And Nickel so I can read it. I thought about giving you a low rating because you referenced it, but I couldn't access it. *Smirk2*

I actually have a legitimate suggestion for a perfect piece!! I suggest that you add biographical, personal and comedy as genres.

Overall: Thank you for sharing this personal piece. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I will definitely be dropping by your port again soon!

Celebrating you! Congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
119
119
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I'm very surprised that you wrote this story in 2011 and it doesn't have any ratings! I'm here to remedy that.

You have a really interesting idea for a story here. The plot is well thought out, and Jake is an interesting character. I can't imagine the chaos that would ensue if someone had to power to change humans to animals or how many people there would be who wanted to make the change to themselves. Your story gives the reader something to think about long after the story is over.

Although I enjoyed the concept of the story, I gave the low rating because the story was replete with errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation. A spell check would help with most of the spelling errors. It appears as though you were in a hurry to get the story out of your head and onto the paper. That's completely understandable, but now that you have the story posted, you could edit it and make it much better!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First, I suggest that you capitalize every word of the title. I think it makes a story appear more professional, and I, for one, am more likely to read such a story.

Next, I strongly recommend breaking the story into paragraphs. As it stands, the story is one long paragraph with one skipped line in the story for no apparent reason. Paragraphs would not only make the story easier to read, but they would be more visually appealing.

Next, I would advise you to check for run-on sentences. There are instances in which you have several sentences written as one. For example, "During the night while Jake was asleep he had the same dream apart from after he drank from the stream he took a moment to gaze at what he looked like he was a hansom German shepherd with amber eyes, glossy brown and black fur and a wet black nose." could be rewritten as "That night, Jake had the same dream with one slight difference. After he drank from the stream, he noticed his reflection in the water. He had become a handsome German shepherd with amber eyes, glossy brown and black fur and a wet black nose!"

Finally, I suggest that you edit the story to remove any unnecessary words. For example, "As the last bell went Jake and Tony met up outside the gate and started discussing about again what life would be like to be a dog," could be more precise as "After the last bell, Jake and Tony met outside the gate and continued their discussion about what life would be like as a dog." As you will notice, that sentence should end with a period, not a comma.

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Overall: Thank you for sharing your story. It's a great plot, and the story would be much better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to do so, I would be glad to assist you. Hope you had a happy 8th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Monastery  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: Let me begin by saying that your handle is great. *Laugh* Now, as to your story...I love flash fiction, and I know from experience how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using 300 words or less. You did a good job here. Mystery is one of my favorite genres, so this story was right up my alley.

The title and description are appropriate. Who wouldn't want to read a short mystery about a monastery? First person narration worked well for this piece. You did a good job of describing the scene, and I could easily picture the abandoned monastery and the associated eeriness. Although I was expecting a terrifying ending, the story ended adequately, and I wasn't left feeling cheated. Good job!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I didn't feel that there was adequate character description. The reader doesn't learn anything about the narrator other than he or she has a male friend named Nic. That made it difficult for me to really get into the story and empathize with the narrator. I suggest including a bit more about the narrator in the story.

Also, throughout the story, I thought the narrator was with a group of people. Even now, I think it's a possibility. I suggest being more clear as to how many people are involved. I believe you could address both of my suggestions while keeping the story 300 words or less.

At the beginning of the story, "broken gate that lead to a vision" should be "broken gate that led to a vision".

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Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. It was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy 5th WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Knock Knock Knock  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I love flash fiction and my favorite genre is horror, so this story was right up my alley. I know how difficult it can be to write a meaningful story using few words, but you made it seem effortless. The twist at the end was spectacular, and I actually got goosebumps when it read it. Good job!

With just a few sentences, you provided a setting, a conflict, a resolution and believable characters. The title of the story was appropriate and it, along with the story's genre, helped me make my decision to read it. I'm glad I did. This is one of those stories that makes you feel unsettled for awhile after you read it.

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: I found it odd that the intruder lying in Will's bed would give itself away by asking Sean to look under the bed. Maybe Sean could hear him whimpering or something instead and look under the bed?

I was also left wondering what caused the knocking. Although I didn't really think about it after reading the excellent twist at the end, the question popped into my head as I was writing this review, and I couldn't shake it. Something to think about.

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Overall: This little horror story was a pleasure to read and review, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Station at Night  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because I love flash fiction, and the Thriller/Suspense genre is one of my favorites. However, as much as I wanted to love this story, I just couldn't quite make that needed connection. Maybe it was because of the lack of description of the main character. Or the buildup of suspense only to lead to the tame ending.

You have a good writing style, and I loved some of the descriptions you used. I especially like the way you personified the wind, giving the story an eerie feel. You picked the perfect setting for the story. Who wouldn't be afraid in an abandoned train station?

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: First of all, I suggest that you give the main character of the story a name and give a little more detail about him. It was hard to empathize and fear for a character whom I knew so very little about. What was his job that brought him there? How about a physical description? Anything to make the character seem more realistic.

In the last sentence of the fourth paragraph, "travels" should be "traveled" since the rest of the story is in past tense.

"willing for the train to arrive" should be "willing the train to arrive"

I also wondered why he wouldn't have tried to call his wife to tell her he'd be late when he first realized how late it was while he was still in the pub. I assume he was already late by that time.

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Overall: Thank you for sharing this short story. I enjoyed reading it, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
123
123
Review of Chance  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because it had no ratings despite being posted over 10 years ago. Also, according to the description, it's not yet finished, but it hasn't been edited in over 10 years. I hope that this review will give you the motivation you need to start working on it again.

Chance is an interesting and unusual character, and the information you provided about her made me anxious to learn more. The story's description says she's working in a man's field. What field would that be? I'd also like to learn more about her history with Bruce as well as her relationship with her father. How old is she? Why did she feel she would never be able to improve her apartment?

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My Suggestions: First and foremost, it has been over 10 years, so start working on this story again! You already have an extremely interesting start.

I couldn't help but wonder why Chance decided to allow Bruce to go after her father with relatively little persuasion but then she was surprised to see him in one piece afterwards. I got the impression that she sort of liked Bruce, so why would she voluntarily let him walk into a volatile situation?

"taller then him" should be "taller than him".

"...reaching for her purse. Bruce stopped her."

You forgot to end the quotation in the sixth paragraph.

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Overall: This is a good start to a story, and I can't wait to see where you go from here. Please let me know if and when you add more to it! Happy WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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124
Review of The Day I Died  
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I decided to read this story because of the title. How could I not check out a story with such a title? I must say that the story was very interesting, but it would have had much more of an impact had it not been replete with errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation.

Because of the story's description, I wonder if the entire story was a dream or if the narrator had the dream after being hit by the car. Maybe you could edit the description to clarify this. Either way, it was an interesting idea for a story, and it had a great ending!

*Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb**Starb*


My Suggestions: My first suggestion is to break the story down into paragraphs for an easier read.

Next, I suggest doing a spell check to catch some of the most obvious misspellings. One of the errors it wouldn't catch: "This surly is Heaven" should read "This surely is Heaven".

Keep in mind that you should use "you're" as a contraction for "you are" rather than the word "your". That should be changed near the end of the story.

Don't forget to put question marks at the end of questions.

When you put something in quotation marks, it indicates that it's a direct quote. Many times in the story, you quoted things but put them in past tense. For example, "Was this It?” I thought Since at the time, you were thinking in present tense, it should be "Is this it? I thought As you can see, there was no need to capitalize the word "it".

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Overall: This was an interesting story that could be much better after a thorough edit. If you require further assistance with the edit, just let me know, and I'll be happy to assist. Thanks for sharing!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
125
125
Review by OOT™
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.

My Thoughts: I chose this story because it has been posted for a couple of years and didn't have any ratings. Also, I saw that it was fanfiction, and this is the first piece of fanfiction I have ever read. I must say that I enjoyed it! The story was well-written and held my attention from beginning to end. I think you would do well in the erotica genre!

I wouldn't have guessed the story was fanfiction until the very end. The scene you described was realistic, and the characters could be any two people involved in a forbidden romance. Although the story was relatively short, it was interesting and complete. Good job!

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My Suggestions: First and foremost, I suggest giving the story a real title and description. Like I said before, I only chose it because it had no prior ratings. I imagine that it would get much more attention with a catchy title and description. Also, you only have fanfiction as the genre. I would suggest adding erotica.

Be careful to remain in the same tense throughout the story. For example, "His voice is lustful when he replies."

Finally, at the end of the story, you can't decide which of two things has you the most shocked. I would imagine that the biggest shock would have been finding all of those people there after such an intimate moment.

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Overall: I enjoyed reading and reviewing this short piece, and I look forward to visiting your port again soon. Happy WDC anniversary!

*Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg**Starg*


A shared Super Power Image


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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