First of all, happy account anniversary! I'm OOT™ , and I'm honored to review your work.
My Thoughts: I'm very surprised that you wrote this story in 2011 and it doesn't have any ratings! I'm here to remedy that.
You have a really interesting idea for a story here. The plot is well thought out, and Jake is an interesting character. I can't imagine the chaos that would ensue if someone had to power to change humans to animals or how many people there would be who wanted to make the change to themselves. Your story gives the reader something to think about long after the story is over.
Although I enjoyed the concept of the story, I gave the low rating because the story was replete with errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation. A spell check would help with most of the spelling errors. It appears as though you were in a hurry to get the story out of your head and onto the paper. That's completely understandable, but now that you have the story posted, you could edit it and make it much better!
My Suggestions: First, I suggest that you capitalize every word of the title. I think it makes a story appear more professional, and I, for one, am more likely to read such a story.
Next, I strongly recommend breaking the story into paragraphs. As it stands, the story is one long paragraph with one skipped line in the story for no apparent reason. Paragraphs would not only make the story easier to read, but they would be more visually appealing.
Next, I would advise you to check for run-on sentences. There are instances in which you have several sentences written as one. For example, "During the night while Jake was asleep he had the same dream apart from after he drank from the stream he took a moment to gaze at what he looked like he was a hansom German shepherd with amber eyes, glossy brown and black fur and a wet black nose." could be rewritten as "That night, Jake had the same dream with one slight difference. After he drank from the stream, he noticed his reflection in the water. He had become a handsome German shepherd with amber eyes, glossy brown and black fur and a wet black nose!"
Finally, I suggest that you edit the story to remove any unnecessary words. For example, "As the last bell went Jake and Tony met up outside the gate and started discussing about again what life would be like to be a dog," could be more precise as "After the last bell, Jake and Tony met outside the gate and continued their discussion about what life would be like as a dog." As you will notice, that sentence should end with a period, not a comma.
Overall: Thank you for sharing your story. It's a great plot, and the story would be much better after a thorough edit. Should you decide to do so, I would be glad to assist you. Hope you had a happy 8th WDC anniversary!
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