|Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.
What I like: excellent; mystery, intrigue, interesting characters, good surprises, all add up to a great story.
Opening: a very strong opening; the reader is pulled into the story and held captive to the end.
As the first chapter to a longer story, this works very well. The reader will want to continue reading.
Style and Voice: easy reading style.
Scene/Setting: this is one of the strengths of the story; excellent descriptive writing brings the characters and the scenes to life.
Characters: they are interesting and engaging, and their interaction is well done.
Dialogue: good use of dialogue to advance the story.
Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes ▼