Loved this piece. Exactly what I wanted the writer to do. Feed a bit of Vivian and keep teasing the reader. I read the last part where Rafe feeds on Vivian's blood, many times. It was romantic and hot. The writer's skill with words is amazing.
I thoroughly enjoyed Vivian's detective work in this chapter as well as the last one. She is being a bit harsh with herself, or maybe I have got too fond of her and cannot find any fault in what she does.
I would have liked Vivian and Rafe to share an intimate kiss before she left him in the end. Would have ended nicley their romantic interlude.
The writer has created a nice backdrop, but could have done better in building it up. I was hoping there would be some variations or a surprise. For example, when Aaron returns Beth is not at home. She returns late wearing something sexy which leads Aaaron to believe that she was with a lover. She was not actually, but she makes Aaron think so and so on....
The length of the story was perfect. If within this lenght, this element of jealousy or any form of surprise could have been introduced the lovemaking would have been even more pleasurable.
What I liked in this story is that neither Aaron or Beth have been described as ordinary people, unlike other stories of this genre where the women all look like Playboy centrefolds. In this story reader can identify more with the characters.
Very well written. The reader gets bits and pieces of Vivian, which only increases the flavor and he pines for more. A good example of 'showing' rather than 'telling' was the scene when she is climbing up the stairs and the reader gets to feast on her nude beauty through Jon's eyes. There is no graphic description, but it is very effective.
This story was interesting and informative. The feeding scene is beautifully described in great details.
Also the first time I realized that her husband is a human and also understood the significance of 'mated -couple'. I liked the description where she heals his wound with her saliva. I was thinking only a vampire can mate with another vampire. This new found knowledge opens up delicious opportunities for fantasizing and the allure of Vivian keeps increasing.
I missed the mystery of the dead body. In which chapter does it appear?
The poet is highly disgruntled by the policies of Bush and Cheney whom he discovers as the evil axis. He has been deeply touched by the plight of the American soldiers in Iraq and also by the plight of the Iraqi families who are paying a price for some poitician's misconceived fallacies.The poet represents the disillusionment American voters faced over the Bush adminstration's policies..
The poet yearns for his beloved. He seems to survive on old memories . He is living a surreal world of imagination where he thinks that he is again united with his lover. He has still not forgotten the pain which he felt because of his lover's separation and is trying to heal his pain by her memories.
This looks like a case of burnout. The writer received success and praise when very young. But he could not live upto the expectations he had created for himself. The writer still has money which he receives from his first book. But he hankers for 'feeling of achievement' as he has not been able to match his first work.
A ghastly tale that makes the reader throw up. A baby is snatched away from a mother by some evil folks and her corpse is returned back to her. The mother cannot reconcile herself to her baby's separation and she treats the coprse as if it were still alive. She has suffered great mental shock which has probably made her lose her senses and makes her do abnormal, unnatural acts with a corpse.
An erotic tale narrated by a seductive female vampire called Vivian. She runs a hotel where there is an atmosphere of lust and passion which affects every guest. Vivian also produces a very amorous effect on the guests and she fills everyone with a desite to mate with her. She couples publicly with her husband which makes all the guests very hot.
The end of the story seems to be abrupt. Maybe, one has to read the other parts of the story to make more sense.
This is a good eulogical poem in the praise of Lord Jesus Christ. Today Christmas has become an occassion for flashy gifts and parties. The poet has made a good attempt to stress the true significance of Christmas. This festival is an occassion to remember our Lord and thank him for being there for us. It is very important that this message is spread across all generations, especially kids.
This is a very useful and handy article. It not only gives tips to make Writing.com popular, but also gives suggestions to increase your writing skills by finding new sites. One thing that the author should clarify is whether every member of Writing.com has the rights to canvass for this site or is this right only entrusted with some specific type of members. This is to avoid any legal infringements later.
The hitchhiker's character is fascinating. Her interactions with both Steve and Cheryl has a certain sexual undercurrent which makes the whole narrative interesting. One is eager to know what she does next .
A couple of suggestions. The author could have described more the outside surroundings. A desert is always an excellent backdrop for description. Also the hitchiker could have been the police, an FBI agent who is on the prowl for these two fugitives. Could anything be more interesting than a sexy, blonde FBI agent?
I iked Jim's attentive nature. The way he waits for Maria at the airport so that she does not feel alone is touching. The world surely needs more chivalrous gentleman like him. But at the same time one also gets slightly suspicious of Jim's motives. It seems that his focus is to get Maria into his bed. Why else would he take so much of pain and spend so much of money to be close to her. It would be difficult to attribute these feelings to love as the two have never met before. The writer could have delved a bit more behind the cause of Jim's fascination for Maria when he has not even seen her before.
A brilliantly, written sad tale of a woman who has suffered perhaps the greatest tragedy know to a mother; the loss of her little child. The author's description of the background is meticulous and I could clearly sense her remorse and grief. It actually makes us thank God for thongs which we take for granted, like returning home to see your children playing and acreaming and crying. My heart goes out to the mother. I only hope and pray that this tale is not autobiographical.
There could not have been a moore effectively written story for this shot.
The author takes the readers through an intersting mix of gaints and demons interplaying with humans in a Biblical backdrop of Adam, Eve, Enoch and Noah. It has all the makings of an interesting potboiler replete with Israeli scientists, merciless CIA agents, gorgeous women trained to kill and Heads of State of the most powerful nations on earth. The author quickly changes between scenes and manages to hold on to the reader's attention right till the end. The narration is fairly slick and the characters come out quite strongly, especially agent Grady.
However, the author should have paid more attention to the plot which at times looks loose and secondary to the characters. The author has succeeded in painting good characters, but he could have done more on what these characters actually do. At times, the links between the various scenes are also tenuos . Till the very end, I could not establish any link between the first scene between Roscoe and the Arab to the rest of the story. Both Roscoe and the Arab looked very promising characters, but I was disappointed that they never re-appeared again in the rest of the story. In fact, Operation Majestic Twelve never gets mentioned again.
Also, where can I get to read the rest of the story?
The author has 'eye for detail'. This is evident in the way the hospital scenario has been described starting right from the waiting area till the time he goes inside to where his mother would be examined. I particularly like the decription of the 'rainy and overcast' weather of the morning from the hospital windows. It adds well to the effect of gloom and melancholy which any hospital would have on a visitor. I also like the message which the author wishes to convey. He has a dislike for the medical systems which have not been able to cure his mother and he has a lot of pent up frustration inside him. But his rage is impotent as he cannot do anything about it unlike the child who could cry and draw the attanetion of the world. The contrast between a child's free soul and a slightly older boy's soul fettered by social niceties and proprieties is well brought out.
There are definitely some areas which could be improved. To start with a spelling mistake right in the first line is not acceptable. It is 'storey' and not 'story'. Next, the child's scream being described as 'bone chilling' looks inappropriate. 'Heart rending' would be more closer to describe the emotions that the child was feeling. 'Bone chilling' would be more appropriate when the feeling of fear or horror is evoked. Finally, a paragraph describing his mother's first surgery could have been a good addition. It could have been a description of how optimistic the whole family was feeling the first time around thanks to the doctors' encouraging words and the same could have been well contrasted with the family's pessimism and frustration now after the doctors had all failed to live up to their words.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/profmoriarty/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.50 seconds at 12:27am on Apr 20, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
