Choconut's (purplesunday) Reviews

Choconut

Review Requests: OFF

2,033 Public Reviews Given

2,052 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I tend to write in depth reviews, discussing all aspects I feel need addressing. I am always positive and encouraging, but I'm also honest. If I feel something needs looking at, I will mention it.

I'm good at...

I'm a grammar and punctuation fiend. It is always one of the first things that strikes me about a piece of writing. I'm also good at offering suggestions to back up any comments I make. I'm always happy to re-review once changes have been made.

Favorite Genres

Dark or emotional poetry. The same goes for short stories; I like writing that makes me feel something. I love to read mysteries, thrillers, romance. I'll give anything a go, though.

Least Favorite Genres

Steampunk, sci-fi, fantasy.

Favorite Item Types

Emotional or dark poetry. Heart warming short stories. Mysteries. Thrillers.

Least Favorite Item Types

Chapters from the middle of books.

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#4558023

Review of Promptly Poetry Entries (6/20 - 6/21)

for entry "Nana"

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Ned

,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. It is also part of "Promptly Poetry Challenge (2023-2024)"

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: One word: wow. This poem is completely absorbing. The relationship between you and your Nana is beautifully played out. I love the visuals of her "fingers knotted at the knuckles". When you add in the sounds, like the tick tocking of the clock (always counting down the amount of time you have left together) and the knitting needles working together, it is impossible to not feel as though I am right there in the room with her.

Voice/Tone: The tone is one of love. It is warm, and it reaches out to the reader and welcomes them inside. As you move towards the end of the poem, we see you outgrowing the mittens your Nana knitted, but not outgrowing the need for her love. At the very end, you write, "how cruel that happiness / leaves such marks", and this brought tears to my eyes. It's such a keen observation. Sometimes, it's harder to remember the happy times becuase they are a greater loss. Yeah ... that is really emotive.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse which is my favourite. You have written a fantastic piece of free verse. The internal rhymes and tick tock sounds that run through the whole poem are genius. As I read the poem, I could feel it counting down to the time of heartbreak. There is a wonderful rhythm and a great pace. Your mechanics are spot-on.

My Favourite Part: Oh, gosh. This is hard because I love everything about this poem. I think, though, the simplicity of your ending statement: "I remember / Nana" is perfect. These lines also tug at mt heart: "tick tock time takes / nature’s knife and etches / the lines of a life well-loved." That image of the deeper and more numerous the lines, the more love and life you shared is so moving. Oh, I also want to say, "tick tock knot of grey hair / fastened at the nape" is so good! It gives a great visual of your Nana.

Well, I think it's obvious I adore this poem. It has really moved me. I get a sense of a great childhood relationship with this woman you clearly love. I will end this review how I started it: wow.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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#4557181

Review of Promptly Poetry

for entry "There And Back Again"

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Beholden,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. It is also part of July's mini-challenge in "Promptly Poetry Challenge (2023-2024)"

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I really like this poem. I thought it was a great way to start this year of writing prompts, and I think you have done a great job with using the prompt. It is clever how the whole poem has a 'Solomon Grundy' vibe to it. I think this is intentional because you write, "Tuesday I saw that I'd gone too far." I like that.

Mechanics: I don't think this is any set form, but I love the end-of-line rhymes. These give the poem a fantastic rhtyhm. It slides off the tongue when you read it aloud.

My Favourite Part: Your opening line is great: "Monday I hitched my wagon to a star." I've heard that expression before, and it makes me think of a dreamer living life their own way in their own, little bubble. It seems romantic, to me. (It also makes me think of Lee Marvin singing how he was born under a wanderin' star, but I think that probably says more about me than your poem.) I also love the way you end this poem with resting on the seventh day by letting your "head hit the hay." The poem is amusing, and it makes me smile when I read it.

This is an enjoyable poem that is a great way for you to kick off your poetry book. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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#4554649

Review of Fountain of Youth

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi fyn

,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. This is your second Chocolate Emporium review.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I wanted to read some of your poetry for my second review because I always read your poetry newsletters. I was drawn to this title because, well, who hasn't searched for the fountain of youth from time to time?

Voice/Tone: I love the tone of this poem. It is written with humour, at first, and then wisdom. The way you reflect on finding the true fountain of youth in your grandchildren is really moving.

Mechanics: I think this poem is free verse, but with an abcb rhyme scheme throughout. The second stanza is shorter in syllabic count than the others and, actually, the rhtyhm is a little better in that stanza. However, the overall rhythm works really nicely. The rhyme helps with that.

My Favourite Part: This line is a real dazzler: "that make-up and hair color and wrinkle eraser". I laughed out loud when I read this. I can relate to your words so strongly. The line kind of skips along as well, which appeals to me. My favourite verse is the one that begins: "Laughter lines bespeak of humor." This verse is so true. It describes how the lines on our face, grey hairs in our head, are there to show the times we have lived; good and bad. It puts a whole new perspective on the signs of getting older. Then, you end with showing us how your grandchildren will always keep you young. It's a lovely way to end. Perfect.

I really like this poem, Fyn. It is warm and funny and loving. It makes me smile and gives me a warm feeling inside. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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#4554647

Review of On the Eve of Tomorrow

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hi fyn

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This is a Turkish Delight review from "Rach's Chocolate Emporium "

.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This story is fab! I love the way you don't explain the circumstances surrounding the mass power outage. It could be any, old power cut, caused by fallen trees onto power lines. But, we know it's more than that by the plane falling out of the sky and by the main character's father preparing for this happening.

Plot: You hooked me right at the beginning with the person walking through the snow in the dangerous part of the neighbourhood, trying to get home. Immediately, your readers have a sense of unease, a sense that something terrible could happen to your character. It really is a great hook.

As you take us through the story, we try to figure out why there is no power. The outage is so bad that a plane falls out of the sky and Rob's cab stops dead, forcing him to walk. Everywhere is silent as he walks. No footsteps in the snow, no people around, and this adds to the sense of suspense that is constantly building. Then, when Rob finally gets into his parents' home, he finds them both dead. It felt inevitible, but it was still a sad moment when he first found his mother. We wonder who is responsible for this death and destruction. The confusion continues until the end, when Rob and Sam are driving to the safety of the cabin, and gunfire can be heard around them.

Characters: Rob. I have to be honest, it surprised me when I discovered he was male. It was fairly near the end, when Samantha called him Uncle Rob. It kind of jolted me out of the story momentarily. I'm not sure why. I just thought he was a woman. He is a great character, though. And, I love the partnership between him and Sam.

Grammar: A few minor points which I have put in this dropnote:
Grammar/Typos/Punctuation ▼

What I liked: So much! I love the mystery. I love the suspense, the feeling of danger and of not knowing what is happening. I wonder if it is an attack from Russia or North Korea. The scary thing is, the scenario you have described isn't outside the realms of possibility. More specifically, you have some beautiful descriptions. "The veil of civility shredded in mere moments as the inner beasts came out to play." That sets a menacing scene that instills that great feeling of suspense in your readers. I think my absolute favourite part is where Rob hears the cardinal sing for the first time in years. That really struck a chord with me. I also love the way you write, "I watched as several miles away a jet fell from the sky." This is casually thrown into the narrative, and the way it is casual makes it even more jarring. It's a brilliant shock, and it ensures there is no way your reader will leave your story before the end.

Suggestions: I think the only area that was a little weaker in this was the emotions of your characters. Rob sees a plane fall from the sky, he finds his parents dead in their beds, he learns his sister is almost certainly dead. But he doesn't have much of an emotional response to any of it. He does take a moment after finding his parents, but immediately after, decides he is hungry and makes a sandwich. The same with his niece. As soon as she learns her family is dead, she thinks of the cabin in the woods and finishes off the sandwich. If you ever revise this, it might be good to explore their emotions further.

I loved this. You could write a whole novel about this. It's a fantastic starting point. And the team of uncle and niece can work really well. Really great writing, Fyn!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4552261

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ Blog for Bard's June 3 ~"

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi ruwth

,

I am reviewing your blog post on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. It is also part of "I Write in 2020"

.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

As I read through your post, I found myself with lots of questions. Like, firstly, what is a tax auction? I've never heard of one of those.

That isn't so important, though. The most important question is: How on earth do you cope without any utilities? No water, gas, or electric sounds super tough. What do you do for something as simple as a cup of coffee? I have a best friend who didn't have an inside toilet until she was about twenty. She lives in the middle of some woods, so it was really scary having to use her facilities. She also had no hot water in her younger years.

One of the things that struck me about this item is how you seem to remain cheerful, and it sounds like you are coping fairly well. I love the part where you say you got carried away with the heat of the auction. I've been to a couple of auctions, and I totally understand how that could happen.

In terms of writing, I have a few comma suggestions. "Actually, two people bid against me and I lost the property I had hoped to buy." - I would place a comma after "me". Also, "It was the end of the auction and I had not won a single bid." - The comma should go after "auction". Finally, "One of these was in town and two were in the outlying area ..." - Place a comma after "town". Whenever two independent clauses are joined by "and", there is a comma before "and".

This is a really interesting read. Have you been living in this house since the auction in 2017? How do you cope? I take my hat off to you!

Choconut

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#4550855

Review of I Write In 2020

for entry "Problematic Pandemic "

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi 💙 Carly

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This review is part of "I Write in 2020"

.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I love the direction you took this prompt! It is creative and clever, and it really had me smiling.

Plot: This is a reflection on life inside the COVID pandemic. It looks at how we cope with braving the outside world for necessities, and what we do when we can't access those necessities. After reading this, all I can say is I'm glad I don't have a brother!

The way Rosa dresses in a colourful ski mask and cleaning gloves to go to the supermarket would have seemed bizarre a year ago. Now, though, few people would bat an eyelid at the sight.

Characters: This story centres around the characters of Rosa, her brother Glen, and their mother. Rosa seems sensible, despite the funny clothes she wears. I had to chuckle when you wrote that Glen refused to wear a mask or any other protection. I know someone like that. He seems pretty immature, but I don't know how old the siblings are. Clearly, old enough to get groceries. Personally, I've been doing my grocery shopping online for a few years now, and I like it that way.

Grammar: I have put a few suggestions in this dropnote:

Grammar/Typo/Readability Suggestions ▼

What I liked: I love the way you capture the reality of life in lockdown. The sense of fear, of potential for contracting the virus wherever you go. Also, the boredom and difficulty younger people have in understanding the gravity of the situation. Not only younger people, to be fair. But you get the mood of the piece just right. It's a great slice of life.

I enjoyed reading your story. I got lost in it straight away. Nice work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4548410

Review of Blogocentric Formulations

for entry "Two Sides"

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Jeff

,

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. It is also part of "I Write in 2020"

.

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole purpose of being helpful.

This is an interesting blog entry. I've noticed, many times, how I remember an event one way, but those who were with me remember it differently. It's fascinating how we do that. I guess it's that the only first-hand evidence we have comes from our own, unique perspective.

It must have been really frustrating for you to work so hard, only to have some of your colleagues feel you weren't doing enough. The boss should have been objective enough to look at the whole situation, not just what they wanted from you.

Human psychology is interesting, isn't it? And, I think, that's what this boils down to. Also, I think it depends on what you want from a situation. For example, many (many!) years ago, my dad went to a football (soccer) match. The newspaper reports the following day sang his team's praises. If your only knowledge of the game had been the newspaper, you would have believed his team was on fire. However, from where he was sitting, he saw endless missed chances, very little possession of the ball, and a thoroughly dull and pointless game. But, it was in the newspaper's interest to make it sound fantastic. It sold more papers.

I like the way you lay out your argument in this entry. The flow of the argument is smooth, and your conclusion clever. I like how, objectively, you could see both sides of the argument even though, subjectively, it wasn't at all fair on you.

This is a great blog entry that brought back some happy memories of my father (which was a nice by-product of your writing). Great work, Jeff!

Choconut

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#4547886

Review of Josephine's Journey

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Elena

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E] following your review request.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I love to read stories about the Titanic. Even before the famous movie, I had a fascination with the human stories that come from the tragedy. I really like the route you have taken. Josephine and Victoria are great characters, and Josephine's deafness gives the story an interesting slant.

Plot: The story of the Titanic's sinking is one everyone knows. So, the visuals of the ship standing on its nose and breaking in two are already in our minds. That said, I like your description of the size of the ship at the beginning. I love Josephine's sense of wonder. It's nice to see the ship through the young girl's eyes. The plot unfolded mainly through exposition. Most of it felt like a story I was being told, rather than a story I was in the middle of. I did enjoy the story. I think you created an interesting plot. I loved the way Josephine could hardly hear all the fear and noise and confusion when they are getting into the lifeboats. It made me think about the different perception she may have had to other people who could hear the screams.

Characters: If I'm honest, I missed the part in the beginning about Josephine already having hearing aids that weren't very good. Because she only communicated through sign language and didn't hear anything, and because she was going to America to get hearing aids, I assumed she didn't have any. So, when she took her hearing aids out before bed, it threw me. I had to go back and check whether she already had them. But, anyway. Aside form that, I really liked Josephine. Victoria is very protective of her. But, she is a normal kid who just wants to explore and have fun.

Grammar: I have some suggestions which I have put in a dropnote ...
Grammar/Typo/Spelling Suggestions ▼

What I liked: "Josephine couldn’t hear the people in the water but she could feel them." I love this sentence! It's such a great way of showing the reader how Joesphine experienced this physically. I really like the different way you look at this famous disaster. Some of your descriptions (especially the sunrise and sunset ones) are really good. I also love the relationship between Josephine and Victoria. It's sweet. Victoria is feisty and a great protector for Josephine.

Suggestions: Firstly, I would take a look at the amount of exposition you include in this story. A lot of the narrative is passive (a lot of "was", "were", and "haves"). Using these words reminds the reader they are being told the story. So, while we picture the things you describe, we don't feel like we're there with the characters. It places a bit of a barrier between writer and reader. If you move the action along with description of what the characters are seeing, feeling, hearing (or not), tasting, smelling, thinking, it makes the story a lot more immersive. My other suggestion is to watch your point of view. Most of the story is told from Josephine's point of view, so when I came to, "Victoria shrugged. The Catholics were entitled to their beliefs, though she did not agree with them all.." it confused me. In a couple of other places, you show Victoria's thoughts. I would take those out so you can keep the 3rd person POV for Josephine.

I enjoyed reading your story. If anything, I would have liked to read more. I'd love to know what happened to Josephine and Victoria. Did the young girl get her hearing aids? It's a great story from a different perspective. Nice work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4547239

Review of Heaven's Angels

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Odessa Molinari

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This review is part of "A Writing Exercise"

.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This is an intriguing scene. You have some nice descriptions and interesting characters. I love the setting of the bikers' bar. I could picture it and hear the heavy metal.

Plot: A woman is looking for a guy named Ozzie. However, she is too late. She has turned up at his farewell celebration. If I'm honest, I would have liked a bit more information. The scene is short. What details you give are really good, but there wasn't a lot of them. An example of your great description is the paragraph that begins, "Through the haze of cigarette smoke ..." is a fab scene setter. I really got a feel for the atmosphere in the bar. I found myself a little disappointed at the end of your scene. It ended abruptly, and it didn't feel like an ending that ties everything up. Who is the woman? Why is she looking for Ozzie? Who is Eliot Brown? These ends need to be tied up.

Characters: The way you show your character's voice trembling and hand shaking gives a brilliant insight into how anxious she is. I really felt for her. I liked how the bikers welcomed her as soon as they realised who she was looking for.

Grammar: I have a few suggestions which I've put in a dropnote.
Grammar/Typo/Punctuation Suggestions ▼

What I liked: This: "The Harleys lined up like horses outside a western saloon ..." That is such a great visual description! I like how brave the woman is. Whatever her mission is, she is scared to be in the bar, but she does it anyway. I like how the bikers accept her. Although, I would have liked a little more resistance from the guys.

Suggestions: I think this needs a few more details. You have places where you could expand to make it more immersive. One place where you could make a simple change is, "I had to push a couple of empty chairs out of the way to reach the bar." What kind of chairs? What do they look like? If you changed it to something like, "I pushed a couple of old wooden chairs out of the way, and they scaped along the floor, setting my teeth on edge." It is more of a visual and physical description. I would also try to add more senses into this. Show the action through hearing, taste, smell, sight, touch. It really does pull the reader deeper into the story.

I really like this scene. I am intrigued to know more about the characters. Why is this woman searching for a dead biker? Is she his mother? It's interesting, and with a few tweaks, I think it could be excellent.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4545274

Review of An Ebony Confectionary

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi MirandaCookies COLLEGE SOON

,

I've just finished reading your short story, "An Ebony Confectionary "

, and I'd like to offer the following comments. This is your second Chocolate Emporium review.

Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first impressions: The thing that most struck me as I first read this story is the relationship between Mia and Malia. They are completely at ease with each other. I have two best friends, and the three of us have been best friends since we were younger than Mia and Malia, and we have that closeness to this day (over thirty years later). So, it was nice to be reminded of how our relationship was when we were teenagers.

Plot: This isn't a big plot-based story. Rather, it is a slice of life. It is a scene in the life of Mia and Malia as they bake a chocolate cake together. I could almost smell that cake cooking when you described the "warm scents of cocoa" that "wafted through the air".

What I really liked: You are so good at choosing the right title for your pieces. This one, like the last I read, is clever and punchy. Personally, I often find titles to be the hardest part of writing. But you have a natural talent for getting it right. I love this description near the beginning: "A splash of a painter’s brush splattered the sky ..." I really like that. It creates a beautiful picture. The other thing I love about this story is the girls' relationship. But, I think you know that already.

Readability/Grammar/Punctuation: I have a few suggestions which I will put in this dropnote.

Grammar Suggestions ▼

Suggestions: I would go through this story and take out all the unnecessary details. These are details that do not progress the story or build character at all. They are details that, if removed, will not affect the story at all. So, for example, you discuss Malia's height quite a lot, but it has no bearing on the story at all. I would cut this. Another part that I would either omit or expand on is the video. I thought we would get to "see" the video and what was on it, but it's thrown into the narrative and not mentioned again. The other point to consider is how the story is set in the very early hours of the morning. The mother who works hard as a doctor is asleep in her bed. Yet, the girls bang around in the kitchen, making a cake and listening to "loud music blasting". That seems pretty thoughtless of the girls, and I'm not sure they would do that. Not the music part, at least.

Final thoughts: I hope this review is helpful. I love your talent for descriptive writing. If you can write the action through the description, your writing could be pure magic. It's a learning curve, for sure. But, you are starting quite far along that curve. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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#4544023

Review of Dinner al fresco

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Writer_Mike

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This is the second of your Chocolate Truffle reviews.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: For my second review, I wanted to read something more recent, so I had a poke around, and I found this short. And I am so glad I did! It really made me laugh at the end. I didn't see that coming.

Plot: Poor Dennis has been lured to the tower of the old castle. I'm not sure what he is doing in the castle in the first place. Maybe, renting a room? Anyway, he has received a mysterious note under the door to his room, promising a "rare viewing opportunity" if he climbs the tower at ten o'clock. I'm not sure I would have been lured that easily! But, Dennis thinks only of what he might get to see. As I first read this, I thought someone would push him over the edge of the tower, but that didn't happen. Instead, they knocked him unconscious, then invited their friends to drink his blood. Vampires. Love it.

Characters: Dennis is brave. And a little naive. I loved the tension when the "deeply hooded" man appeared. I held my breath, waiting to see how Dennis would meet his end. Because I knew he had to. The lead vampire is creepy. Let's face it, those hooded cloaks always lend an air of danger to a person.

What I liked: The last sentence! "To plump Yanks - may we never run out!" I laughed out loud when I read that. It's so funny. I also love the descriptions at the start of the coldness of the wind atop the tower. It helps to create suspense because it makes Dennis seem more vulnerable. This line, especially, is fab: "The keen wind pierced his jacket and sweater, knifing straight through to his bones."

I really enjoyed this flash fiction. It is well written and incredibly entertaining. The suspense is fab, and the ending, funny.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4544021

Review of Home

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Hi Writer_Mike

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This review is the first of your Chocolate Truffles prize.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I see you wrote this some time ago, but your title and brief description caught my attention. I am reviewing it as though it is a story, but I think it may be based on personal experience. It certainly comes across as though you have experienced this. It's very emotional. I had a lump in my throat by the end.

Plot: This story shows the cruelty of Alzheimer's. It robs people of their memories, their identities, their past and future. I love the idea of the gated community that is anchored by the care facility. It's a great way to keep things as normal as possible for the patients. I have to admit, I didn't guess that the elderly man was Carl's father until the end. This is the place where I really felt the emotion. My husband's father had Alzheimer's for the last couple of years of his life, but he stayed at home with his wife. As a consequence, my hubby often got a call to go and find him and coax him home.

Characters: The elderly man tugged at my heart from the moment you described him as "meandering." That's such a great description. I love the way his son deals with him by giving him food and drink and encouraging him to talk. I can only imagine the pain of someone you love no longer knowing who you are.

Grammar: Just one thing. "Thanks again,..." Firstly, if you use ellipses, you don't need a comma, or any other punctuation (except the quotations marks). But, actually, I would add a period here. It fits better than ellipses or a comma.

What I liked: The bond between the two men. I love the way Carl is patient and kind and loving. When he says, "I love you." at the end, it's so, so sad. But, uplifting at the same time. Samuel is lucky to live in such a caring place and to have such a thoughtful son. This part, in particular, where Samuel is remembering stories from the past, is poignant: "almost as though he was describing a history, not his history." This disconnection is so hard to live with.

This is beautiful writing, Mike. You captured my attention right at the start, and by the end, I was incredibly moved. Nice work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4543464

Review of Lucky Bunny

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This is your second Hazelnut Praline review.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: Oh, this is such a lovely story. The little girl, Lydia, is so sweet. It's impossible to read this and not feel protective towards her. Even though she, technically, does the wrong thing. I can totally relate to her, though.

Plot: This story of a girl who really wants to win a jar filled with gumballs. But, in order to do that, she needs money. I love the whole scene of her standing in her bedroom, contemplating breaking her bunny piggy bank open. I could feel the turmoil going through her mind. She didn't want to break this as her grandmother gave it to her on the day she was born. She knows how important it is. But, she really wants those gumballs! Again, I totally get this little girl. Her solution — to take her brother's identical piggy bank and break that one instead — is the only reasonable way around her predicament. After all, he doesn't even use it anymore. I expected Lydia to get into trouble, but she didn't. Instead, she won the sweets. I love how she shared them with her brother in the end.

Characters: This girl really tugs at my heart. Your descriptions of her "strawberry blonde pigtails" and her "pink and white bike" remind the reader of how young she is. Although she is young, she is crafty. Torn between doing the right thing, and taking her brother's money, she opts for the money. The call of the candy is too loud!

Grammar: Just a few points: "Excitedly she ripped open the box ..." I would place a comma after "excitedly". Also, "there was an anemic rattle." I'm not sure anemic is the right word here. I think of it as more of a visual description that aural. Finally, "Her jade eyes darted up and down the narrow hall, insuring no one was around." I don't know if this is a UK vs. US thing, but "insuring" means placing insurance on something, whereas, "ensuring" would fit in this sentence. It means to ensure something is okay, that everything is as it should be.

What I liked: You've probably guessed: your characterisation of the little girl. She is really well-written and, for a fairly short piece, super well-rounded and believable. I'm so happy Lydia decided to share her candy with her brother at the end. I can't help but wonder if she confessed to breaking into his bunny, and whether she was punished at all.

Suggestions: I would change this up a little: "She frowned thoughtfully when she found nothing." A couple of things. Firstly, frowns generally are thoughtful, so I wouldn't add the adverb. But, this would be a great place to show us more of Lydia, rather than tell us how she looks. So, say something like, "She scrunched up her forehead as she contemplated her situation, hands balled at her side." Okay, not the best suggestion. But, something along those lines.

I hope my reviews have been helpful to you. I really enjoyed reading your work. You have a talent for writing descriptively. Nice work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4543463

Review of Black Cat Superstition

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This is the first of your Hazelnut Praline reviews which Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH...I am Home! gifted you from my Chocolate Emporium.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I love this story! I had no idea where you were going to take it by the description, but I was intrigued to take a look. And I'm really glad I did. I love your opening scene which describes the scene where the black cats are congregating. If I were to make one suggestion here, though, it would be to try to change the "vivid orange harvest moon" because this is three adjectives in a row to describe the moon. Can you describe the orange differently? Something like, "The terracotta harvest moon."?

Plot: This is such a clever plot. An annual gathering of all the black cats in the country who are on the last of their nine lives. It is called the "Accountability" whch is great. I love how you reveal that the secret mission of a black cat is to scare humans by crossing their paths. The more they are scared, the more points the cat scores. That's brilliant!

Grammar: Just one tiny typo: "The next time black cat skitters across your path ..." You missed out "a" after "next."

What I liked: Your description of the numerous eyes glowing in the dark is fab. And the collective purring as they wait for their leader to speak. It's quite creepy. I also think it's cool how cats of other colours don't believe the rumours of the black cats' mission. "Mumbo jumbo" they call it. That made me laugh. The question you pose at the end of your story, asking us to remember when a black cat crosses our path, it may be for their good luck rather than our bad luck, is the perfect ending.

Suggestions: I don't know whether this is just my misunderstanding, but this sentence doesn't make sense: "Many were the felines who met their demise foolish enough to try and devour one so wise." I've read it over and over, and I don't get it.

I really enjoyed reading this story. I will definitely give all black cats less of a hard time for freaking me out. In fact, I'll act like I'm super scared just to help them with their Accountability. Great work!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4543289

Review of Encounter With a Leprechaun

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating

,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. It is the review from a Strawberry Surprise Package in "Rach's Chocolate Emporium "

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This poem is very funny! As soon as I began to read, I had a great, big smile on my face. The rhythm and rhymes works so well. It makes it a very entertaining read.

Voice/Tone: The tone is funny. It is light and lyrical. When I reached the end, I laughed out loud at your rhyme of "Edelweiss" with "price." Something about that really tickled me.

Mechanics: This poem consists of five quatrains, all with an AABB, CCDD, etc. rhyme scheme. This rhyme really lends itself to the humour in your words. Your punctuation is consistent and aids the poem in giving it a great pace.

My Favourite Part: The humour. It's so funny. It's given me a real feel-good feeling first thing on a Monday morning. More specifically, this line really made me laugh: "'Erin Begorrah! What do you want?'" I could hear the leprechaun's voice as he said this. I also found it funny how the leprechaun is a trader in angora wool. That's a cool twist.

Suggestions: Just a couple of minor typos ... "was my agitated mind," I think this should be "were" because you are describing "things" plural. Also, you have placed an extra period at the end of this line: "Came a voice thin and gaunt.."

This is a great, funny poem that has really entertained me this morning. Nice work.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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#4543284

Review of Coronavirus

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Sumojo

,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. This review is also part of "I Write in 2020"

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I love this! It puts a humorous slant on all the doom and gloom we hear on the news every day.

Voice/Tone: This is funny. Instantly, I was amused by you naming your guy Cyrus so he could rhyme with virus. I would never have thought of that. I laughed out loud as soon as I started to read. Corona and Daytona, also. Brilliant!

Mechanics: This is a perfect limerick. It has a fantastic rhythm, and all the stresses are in the right places. It flows beautifully and trips off the tongue. It's a pleasure to read.

Rhythm: Fabulous! It's got a great pace.

My Favourite Part: The whole poem is fab. From your rhymes to your rhythm, it really is a wonderful example of a limerick. I love your use of the word "gyrus" at the end. I've never heard that before, so I have come away from this poem both amused and educated!

Thank you for sharing this humorous poem. I really enjoyed reading it.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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#4542278

Review of A Memorable First Date

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi 💙 Carly,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. The review is also a part of "I Write in 2020"

.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This is a great scene-setter. The couple, Ryan and Arlynn, are going on a first date, and everything about it is charged and sizzling. I love watching the relationship between the two of them as they slowly settle into each other's company.

Plot: This story of a first date is one, I think, most people will relate to. That clumsiness, slight awkwardness, the want to avoid saying the wrong thing. But, at the same time, there is chemistry, a charge between the couple. They both fancy the other one, and every touch, every look, is filled with electricity. It is exciting, and you have done a fantastic job of showing us that.

Characters: I love both these characters. I think my favourite thing is Ryan's clumsiness near the beginning. It really endeared him to me. Also, he is the perfect gentleman and doesn't cross any lines. The kiss, at the end, is zinging and leaves them (and the reader) wanting more.

Grammar: I have a few grammar suggestions. I'll put them in a dropnote because, while I think they are important, I don't think they detract from the sensual feeling you create in the story.
Grammar/Typos ▼

What I liked: The chemistry between Ryan and Arlynn. I love watching them progress through the date and slowly open up to each other. You do a great job with the physical sensations these characters feel when they touch. I LOVE the kiss at the end. It is perfect. And, the dancing ... ohh! It's so beautiful. I didn't want it to end. More specifically, this is a great sentence: "Her eyes seemed to dance like stars on a moonless night." I love it. It's such a great description.

Suggestions: Now, I know this exercise was written to show the sensual chemistry between Ryan and Arlynn, so they are your key focus. However, felt like there were some missed opportunities with regards the setting. For example, when they first arrive at the resort, you say, "The place was gorgeous. Stunning. It seemed to blend into the landscape." This really doesn't tell your readers anything. It could be anywhere, and we are left guessing. If you described the ways in which it is beautiful, it could add to the atmosphere of the story. You could really use it to your advantage.

I enjoyed reading this a lot. You have really given your reader a treat with all the sensual, sexual chemistry going on. I would love to see how these two progress with their relationship. Great work!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4541726

Review of Blogocentric Formulations

for entry "Better Days"

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Jeff

,

I am reviewing this blog entry in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. This review is also part of "I Write in 2020"

.

I was really interested to read this entry as I love to read about anything music-related. Music, along with writing, is the thing I don't think I could live without (okay, I should probably add my hubby to that list).

I have to confess, I don't know any One Republic songs. I've heard of them before, but I couldn't name anything they have sung. I listened to this song, though, and I really liked it. Now, I'm thinking I need to check out some of their other stuff. So, thank you for introducing me to them.

I am intrigued to know who Ryan Tedder has written songs for. I'm always fascinated by singers who have success in their own right, but also write for others and collaborate on their tracks.

I love how you discuss the strange, often frightening, times in which we are living today. We certainly have seen better times. And, I know, there are better times to come once this illness is quashed. I think it's also important to acknowledge that, for me at least, music is one of the things that will help me through the isolation.

I really enjoyed reading this entry. I loved listening to the song, and I found your thoughts and obvious enjoyment for the band really cool. Nice work.

Choconut

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#4539171

Review of Wheel of Fortune

for entry "March 17, 2020"

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hi ridinghhood-p.boutilier

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This review is part of "I Write in 2020"

.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This is an intriguing piece of flash fiction. I really like the reference to the Coronavirus near the end. Your analogy of this virus affecting our lungs because we, as the human race, have destroyed so many trees and destroyed the world's lungs, is clever.

Plot: If I'm honest, I don't fully get who the mysterious lady is. She seems to be magical, mystical, maybe a mermaid, maybe the Lady of the Lake. She is like a siren, calling the narrator to her, and they are drawn and unable to resist the chance to see her. I am intrigued by the narrator leaving this lady a whole bunch of microgreens, as though she feeds on them.

Grammar: I stumbled over the following sentence when I first read this: "They stay for a moment and then as expected leave with an empty pail." I think, if you put commas around "as expected" it would make it clearer.

What I liked: I love the mystery. I think you took the prompt and ran creatively in an Irish kind of direction with it. It works really well. I also love the ending. The end line is perfect: "I smell cypress, and fresh mowed grass, Breath in, Breath out." (Although, I would hyphenate "fresh" and "mowed."

I enjoyed reading this. It is a clever and, actually, thought-provoking piece of writing. Nice work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4537307

Review of I Write In 2020

for entry "All Is Well With My Soul "

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi 💙 Carly

,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. It is also part of "I Write in 2020"

.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a lovely poem about the peace and contentment we can feel when we stop trying to focus on a hundred things at once. It also shows the benefits of refusing to listen to the negative thoughts that flood our minds, and just trust ourselves. It is a really positive message, and I love the way you lay it out in this poem.

Voice/Tone: The tone is one of tranquility. It feels like it is spoken from someone who has been meditating or practising mindfulness. There is such a sense of okay-ness with oneself. It is calming and reassuring.

Mechanics: This poem is free verse, and you have used that form well. I love the words you use to describe the melodrama and pain. You use words such as "mine fields" and "onslaught" which are both fairly violent and destructive. (I would make "minefields" one word, though.) However, by the end of the poem, when you describe the acceptance you have gained, you change those words to ones like "quiet" and "peace". I love the way you compare the before and after state of your mind with a clever use of words.

Rhythm: On the whole, I like your line breaks. They lead to a great rhythm. As this poem is free verse, line breaks matter a lot, so I think you did a great job there. There are a couple of places, the rhythm feel a little off. The line, "A peace comes over me", for example. I might take out the a.

My Favourite Part: I love the end. It is so soothing. I love the very last line: "And nothing can touch me here." Here being in your mental state, as opposed to a physical place. I also love this line, "In the quiet space between thoughts." That is such a great description. We could all use a few more of those spaces. They are the places where we soothe our souls.

I really like this poem. I love the message and the way it makes me feel. Great work!

Keep writing!

Choconut

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#4535176

Review of Let Eagles Fly

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Sumojo

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This is also part of "I Write in 2020"

.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I really enjoyed reading the passion of this man. I love that he grew up with his beloved Wedge Tail Eagles. All the information you give through the story is really interesting.

Plot: I'll be honest, this feels like more of a slice of life than a story. I appreciate the word limit may have had something to do with that, but it would have been nice to have a little more plot development. Yes, it does take place over a number of years, but if you were to show us more of Simon's passion, more of his feelings as he observes the birds and goes to the rally, it would feel more like a story. It would also pull the reader into the story. At the moment, it feels as though I am watching Simon from afar. I have to say, I love the direction you took the prompt. It is very original.

Characters: I love the interaction between Simon and the mother eagle. She eyes him warily, but in the end, she trusts him because he has been there for many years and never hurt her or her babies. There is a really nice moment where Simon climbs the tree and says to the eagle, "Hello, how's the family?"

Grammar: I have a few suggestions. Firstly, you have a couple of comma splices in these sentences: "This is her home, for nearly twenty years she returned to breed, always to this same tree in the hills of Western Australia." I would probably change it to a semicolon after, "her home." Or, you could use a full stop then start a new sentence. Also, this sentence contains a comma splice and is a little run-on: "The boy is only ten years old, yet he has a wildness about him, he feels he’s a part of nature, fascinated by the birds, animals and insects surrounding his home in the forest." I would place a full stop after, "about him." Maybe, change the following sentence to something like, "Growing up in the forest, he feels nature coursing through his veins. The birds, animals and insects living in his home fascinate him daily." (Just a rough idea for how to look at it slightly differently.)

There is one sentence fragment that doesn't make sense on its own: "His dreadlocked hair fastened by a coloured scarf." Should it be, "dreadlocked hair is fastened ..." Or, you could change it from a passive voice to an active voice by saying, "A coloured scarf fastens his dreadlocked hair."

Just one other point. Near the end, when Simon is at the rally, you say, "They waved banners proclaiming 'Save our Perth Hills!'” This is past tense, but the rest of the story is in the present tense, so I would change this to "wave banners."

What I liked: I love this description: "As the wind picks up, it brings the forest to life, the leaves a whispering audience." That "whispering audience" is fab. I also really like the passion Simon has for the natural world he grew up with. He really seems to respect it. The mother eagle is pretty cool, too.

I enjoyed reading this. It's a nice look at the relationship between humans and nature and the importance of our actions. We need to be more aware and more responsible. I like it.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4533498

Review of Valentine

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Odessa Molinari

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This is also part of "I Write in 2020"

.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: This is a sweet scene of how children and their father work together to surprise their mother on Valentine's Day.

Plot: Three children eagerly await the arrival of their father because they know he is about to propose marriage to their mother. I love how they all work together. I think it's great how the woman knows something is up because the children are not so good at hiding it. I think that's very realistic.

Characters: The father makes me chuckle. Although he has arranged this romantic proposal on their wedding anniversary, his actual proposal is, " ...it's about time we got hitched." Not exactly the most romantic proposal ever. I also really like this description of the children when the mother asks them what is up: "'Nnnothing.' Guilty looks all around." That's a great image. I could really picture it.

Grammar: "Hands behind his back, Jake sidle over to his sister, Sara." - It should be "sidled".

What I liked: The children. I can just imagine them trying so hard to not give anything away. I can imagine their hushed excitement and conspiratorial giggles. I think it's a very real portrait of this family.

Suggestions: You spend a lot of the few words describing the children's physical actions. You talk about them hiding things behind their backs. I would have loved to see more of the woman's feelings. It would have drawn me into the story more. At the moment, it's more like: this happened, that happened, then this happened ... I would love some human emotions included. (That is possibly down to my own, personal taste, though, so I haven't taken off any points for that.)

I enjoyed this piece of flash fiction. I loved the twist at the end. I didn't see it coming. It came as a surprise to me just as it came as a surprise to the woman in the story. Nice work.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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#4530949

Review of My Mother, My Blessing

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Susan Hall Rudd

,

I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

. It is part of our Super Powerful Heart Raid.

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: This is a beautiful tribute to your mother. It is clear you love her very much, and she sounds like a graceful, beautiful person.

Voice/Tone: I love how you begin the poem by saying your mother is the greatest gift that God has given you. I can relate to that. As I read through, I found myself thinking of my own mother a lot. She sounds pretty similar to yours. She, too, was a faithful, kind, warm person, and there is no doubt in my mind she was the most precious gift God gave me.

Mechanics: We have five quatrains, all with an ABCB rhyme scheme. I really like the rhymes because they give the poem a great rhythm and pace. They work really well.

My Favourite Part: I love the place where you describe your mother as having a "sweet and gentle way." That is the part that most made me think of my Mum. Also, I love how you mention the sacrifices she makes for her family. I think the last verse is my favourite, though. You say the "poem does not do justice" to your mother and that she impacts your life by filling it with happiness beyond words. It's really moving.

Suggestions: There are a couple of places where the syllable stresses sound a little off. For example, "For mere words cannot express" The word "for" seems redundant here. It would have more punch if you cut it.

This is a beautiful poem. I love the sentiment, and it makes me smile as I read about this wonderful lady.

Keep writing!

Choconut

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#4530201

Review of Fun facts with the great Dr. Seuss

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Bubblegum Jones

,

I am reviewing this item on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers"

. This is the first of your Chocolate Emporium reviews.

Please remember these are purely my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

I chose to review this item because it was the one you suggested. Now, firstly, I am afraid I have a disclaimer. I've never read any Dr. Seuss. I've never even watched any adaptations of any of his books. Maybe it's my age, but I think it's more that I'm English and we didn't really read him in school.

However, I have to say how much I enjoyed reading this. I love how you start with a kind of biography for the writer, then list interesting facts and things to consider regarding some specific books. I like how you make a point of distinguishing between someone who is isn't particularly fond of spending time with children and someone who doesn't like children. I couldn't agree more. I could live without screaming tykes running around causing chaos, but it doesn't mean I don't like children. Just ... from a distance.

You mention Edgar Allen Poe at the beginning, listing him as one of the great poets of all time. He is a favourite of my hubby. However, again, I'd never really read him until I met my American hubby. He isn't really taught that much over here. Now I've read him, though, I think he's great. And the mystery of who was leaving the annual roses and cognac is so intriguing. Especially, as it seems likely no one will ever know.

Again, I'm showing my ignorance here, but Sylvester McMonkey McBean is, quite possibly, the best name ever. It makes me want to read that book. Oh, also, Dr. Soice (like voice) is something I would never have known.

All the questions you have regarding his books, I suspect they are intentionally ambiguous and I guess they were meant to leave people wondering about them.

This is a really interesting essay about a great writer. Even though I haven't read his work, I feel like I know it a little, and I am interested to read some of his books now.

Thank you for sharing your love of this writer!

Choconut

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#4529233

Review of My Beef? No Beef!

Review by Choconut

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Writer_Mike

,

I am happy to be reviewing you on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

[E]. This is your second Hazelnut Praline review.

Please remember these are only my opinions, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.

My first thoughts: I appreciate this is an older piece of yours, but I couldn't ignore the title! It called out to me, and I had to read this. I'm so glad I did because it had me laughing the whole way through. I love the humour with which you write about Ted's enforced vegetarianism.

Plot: This story is set around a scene in a restaurant. We learn that Ted (who really wants to impress his girlfriend because he really likes her) has agreed to a brief period of not eating meat. But, oh, the scent of cooked flesh coming from the surrounding tables is almost too much for him to bear. This made me laugh: " I would have completely embarrassed myself ripping the delectable, lightly-seasoned flesh from the bone, if the guy who'd ordered it had waited any longer to start eating." Who hasn't been there? Not necessarily with a desperation for meat, but sometimes you can be so hungry while you're waiting for your food, you could pounce on the next table's meal. (Maybe, that's just me

)

Characters: I really feel for Ted. He likes this chick, Suzanne. I love how she "looks at him strangely" indicating she can see he is struggling. But, he tries to cover up and she is happy to settle for that. This is quite sweet. It shows how the couple are in the early stages of dating and still want to keep the other interested in them, even if it means they have to go without something.

Grammar: My main suggestion for the grammar in this piece is to watch your tenses. They are a little mixed up. The majority of the story is written in the past tense. But, then it changes here: "We'd gone out seven times now, and I truly do like her." This switch to the present tense brought me out of the narrative. This happens in a couple of other places, too. I would check over the whole story and fix those changes if you wanted to review this piece at any point.

What I liked: Your sense of humour. It shines through the story. I love the sweet nature of Ted and Suzanne's relationship. I genuinely laughed out loud when Ted thought about how much he likes Suzanne "(her apparent misunderstanding of the carnivorous nature notwithstanding)."

This is such a great, little piece. It says so much in so few words. I wonder whether Ted and Suzanne's relationship lasted. Somehow, I have a feeling it didn't.

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .