*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rick12221/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/12
Review Requests: ON
752 Public Reviews Given
769 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 8 9 10 11 -12- 13 14 15 16 17 ... Next
276
276
Review of Where's the Beef?  
Review by WriterRick
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I found your writing piece, "23 Cows Are Missing," to be engaging, humorous, and indicative of the office dynamics often present in a newsroom setting or other professional environments. The dialogue between Simon and Jerry is snappy and natural, driving the narrative forward while offering valuable character insights. Simon's irritation over his missing, expensive coffee and Jerry's subtle digs at him create a believable tension that enriches the story.

However, there are some aspects that could be improved upon. The pacing felt a bit sluggish in places, particularly when the conversation veered off into unrelated topics. While these diversions added depth to the characters, they may have detracted from the central issue at hand: the missing coffee and the headline decision for the cattle story. The dialogue, while entertaining, could benefit from slight trimming to keep the focus sharp.

Additionally, while the humor was well-placed, the punchline of Donald having taken the coffee seemed somewhat predictable. Perhaps introducing a twist or unexpected resolution could have elevated the story's conclusion. Also, in terms of formatting, you might consider separating the dialogue and actions of each character more distinctly to enhance readability. This is important when you have only dialogue driving the narrative, as it is here.

I was also intrigued by the brief foray into social issues, like classism and possibly latent racism. Although these were not fully explored, they added an extra layer of complexity that could be interesting to delve into in a longer piece.

As far as the headline goes, the debated "23 Cows Are Missing" versus "23 Cows Gone" adds a meta-layer to your story, subtly pointing out the importance of word choices in shaping perceptions. However, the conclusion regarding the headline felt a bit rushed compared to the extensive dialogue leading up to it. A more decisive or reflective ending might offer a stronger conclusion to the theme you're exploring.

In summary, your writing is engaging and offers a humorous slice-of-life look at office dynamics. With some pacing adjustments and a bit more focus, it could be even more impactful.
277
277
Review of Lab Boy  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Lab Boy" offers a compelling narrative from a first-person perspective, highlighting a blend of vulnerability and naïveté in a clinical, dispassionate setting. The protagonist is carefully constructed as an individual who contrasts with the highly educated "lab guys," further deepening the rift between the emotionally driven and the clinically oriented. The story subtly peels back layers to reveal ethical questions on cloning, human experimentation, and societal expectations.

While the main character's simplicity and lack of education may initially appear to be a shortcoming, it is effectively utilized as a narrative device to highlight the scientific complexities that surround him. His confusion about terms like "end rhymes" and "pro teams" cleverly invites the reader to question what is being explained to him and what he might be consenting to, knowingly or unknowingly. This gulf between his understanding and that of the scientists casts a moral shadow over the story.

In terms of structure, the piece flows well with the progression of events and changes in the protagonist's mood and experiences. It allows the reader to invest emotionally, making the final revelation about the clones’ condition all the more heart-wrenching. The piece aptly touches on a range of emotions, from the initial excitement and gratitude to loneliness and ethical dilemma.

However, the story could benefit from further development of other characters, particularly "Pa and Ma," as they serve as an emotional anchor. The reader might want to know more about how they fit into the larger story—do they genuinely understand the gravity of what their son is involved in, or are they also deceived? Further insight into their lives could make the protagonist's emotional journey even more poignant.

Additionally, the story could explore more deeply the ethical ramifications of cloning and human experimentation. While it's clear that the protagonist doesn't entirely understand the significance of the work, a more explicit confrontation with the moral dilemmas involved would make for a powerful climax.

Overall, "Lab Boy" succeeds in presenting a complex, morally ambiguous situation through the eyes of a seemingly uncomplicated character. It has a strong emotional pull, a layered narrative, and opens the door for critical thought on bioethics. It's an engaging story that leaves an impression, which is the mark of good storytelling.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
278
278
Review of Celebrating Irma  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your piece is an evocative, emotionally charged tribute to a fictional character named Irma, who was born on the same day Hurricane Irma hit Florida. The juxtaposition between the devastation wrought by the hurricane and the positive impact of the human Irma is skillfully done, offering a deep metaphorical layer to the story.

In terms of narrative elements, you have successfully managed to encapsulate Irma’s significance in society, her leadership qualities, and her indomitable spirit—all of this within a singular event of celebrating her 100th birthday and the inauguration of a relief foundation in her name. The manner in which the speaker endearingly describes Irma makes her larger-than-life, thereby leaving an impression on the reader about her character and contributions.

However, there are a few aspects you might consider improving:

Fact-Checking: While I understand this is a fictional piece, it's worth noting that Hurricane Irma was not the "single most devastating natural disaster to hit the country." It was catastrophic, but there have been other equally or more devastating natural disasters in the U.S., such as Hurricane Katrina.

Tone: The tone is informal, relaxed, and friendly, which works well for a speech setting. However, the piece could benefit from a bit more gravitas given the importance of the subject matter.

Clarity and Repetition: While the repetition of Irma’s name can serve to emphasize her significance, it might become a bit redundant and lose impact over time. Additionally, using phrases like "I'll tell you something else" or "why yes" while adding personality, can become somewhat distracting.

Pacing: The pace is quite quick and covers many points. It might be beneficial to slow down a bit and focus on fewer but more poignant aspects of Irma’s life.

Structure: Though speeches often have a conversational tone, some sentences could be broken up for easier comprehension. Longer sentences can sometimes cause the listener (or reader) to lose track of the core message.

Grammar: Minor grammatical errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent hyphenation, distract slightly from the flow.

Overall, it's an uplifting and engaging tribute that glorifies the resilience and positivity of the human spirit. With some refinement, this piece could be even more impactful.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
279
279
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The piece you've shared appears to be a series of horoscopes for each zodiac sign, complete with overarching themes and specific guidance for the day. Here are some points to consider for improvement:

Structure & Coherence:
Consistency: The format for each sign varies. Some start with quotes, while others don't. Aim for consistency across all zodiac signs for a more cohesive feel.

Flow: The thoughts within each sign's horoscope seem slightly scattered. Try to build a coherent narrative for each.

Language & Style:
Clarity: There are some complex sentences that might benefit from simplification for better understanding.

Typos and Errors: There are some minor errors that need attention. For example, "Marily Monroe" should be "Marilyn Monroe," and "button" appears in Capricorn’s section without context.

Readability: The writing style is quite poetic, which works well for horoscopes, but be cautious not to sacrifice clarity for the sake of aesthetics.

Content & Relevance:
Substance: While the horoscopes are inspirational, offering specific examples or actionable advice could make them more practical and relatable.

Terms: Phrases like "Mercury is in the microwave" may be humorous but could be confusing for readers who are unfamiliar with astrological or cultural slang.

Overall Tone:
Engagement: The tone is encouraging and uplifting, which works well for this type of content. However, try to balance the spiritual and practical aspects for a well-rounded approach.
By paying attention to these aspects, your horoscopes can become more engaging, relatable, and useful for your readers. The writing is creative and has the potential to captivate the audience, but refining these elements could elevate it further.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
280
280
Review of Mask  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem delves into the complex theme of identity, specifically the idea that our faces can serve as masks, concealing our true selves. The lines explore existential thoughts, touching on the concept of mortality and societal norms. Let's examine it more closely.

The opening sets a haunting atmosphere, describing a mask as a mere construct with holes "to draw breath." It introduces the idea that this mask may be the only thing separating us from death, establishing the mask as a critical but fragile layer between existence and non-existence.

The second stanza touches on the inevitability of death, lending a philosophical angle. The phrase "quickly, quietly, sometimes without means" speaks volumes about the random and impartial nature of mortality. It adds an ominous undertone to the work, reminding us that death's arrival can be unpredictable.

The transition to the idea that the mask "separates me and the crowd" shows another layer of its purpose. It's not just a barrier against mortality, but also a separation from social cacophony, suggesting a dual role of both protection and isolation. The sound aspect adds a sensory element that fleshes out the setting further.

However, the most potent lines come toward the end, where the mask metaphor turns introspective. You write, "Tis the mask that is my face, For my face is a mask and my mask is a face." These lines complete the cycle, asserting that our actual faces can be as concealing as any physical mask. The questioning of identity is complete here—what are we if not a series of masks, including the very faces we present to the world?

In terms of improvement, consider using consistent punctuation. The absence of periods or other end-of-sentence marks may be a deliberate stylistic choice but can also make the poem harder to digest.

Overall, your poem successfully tackles profound ideas within a confined space. It resonates with existential questions and lays bare the emotional and physical shields we all wear.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
281
281
Review of January  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem titled "Snowflakes" demonstrates a strong sense of atmosphere and imagery within a very limited word count. The poem is rich in descriptive language that creates a vivid tableau of a winter landscape. The words chosen, such as "shimmer," "sentinels," and "elongated purple shadows," contribute to a sense of ethereal beauty but also add a layer of mystery. The alliteration in "silent silver swirl" and "loom above elongated" adds a pleasing sonic texture, enhancing the poem's emotive impact.

The use of line breaks and spacing works to your advantage, allowing each word or set of words to breathe, accentuating their significance. This approach serves to guide the reader's attention more intensely to each visual or auditory cue you provide. For example, "Ice / cracks, booms," encapsulates the sudden, startling noises of winter in a succinct but effective manner.

However, the poem might benefit from a more explicit thematic or emotional core. While the imagery is evocative, it's not entirely clear what emotional response you are seeking from the reader. Are they meant to feel awe, loneliness, a sense of impending doom, or perhaps peace?

Also, the title "Snowflakes" focuses on one element of the poem, but the content ranges over several winter phenomena. This could either be seen as a bit misleading or as an intentional device to draw readers into a broader experience.

In summary, your poem succeeds in creating a richly textured and evocative snapshot of winter. It employs vivid imagery and clever use of language within a tightly constrained word count. Expanding on the emotional or thematic essence could elevate it even further.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
282
282
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anna Marie Carlson's review of this song explores the themes and emotional landscape presented in the lyrics with both sensitivity and personal resonance. She begins by recounting the opening lines of the song, which focus on a week full of emotional turmoil stemming from infidelity. As she navigates the lyrics, Anna also folds in her personal experience, offering the reader not just a critique of the song, but also a window into her own life.

The power of this review lies in its vulnerability. Anna doesn't shy away from sharing her own experiences with cheating and how it has affected her emotionally. She uses her personal journey to dissect the song's message, effectively questioning the acceptance of infidelity implied by the lyric "it's not up to me to quit her." This serves as an ethical inquiry into the nature of relationships and trust, broadening the scope of the review beyond mere artistic critique.

However, there are a few areas where the review could be more focused. While the incorporation of personal stories adds emotional weight, it occasionally takes the reader away from the central theme of analyzing the song. The narrative might benefit from threading these personal experiences more tightly with the lyrics and themes of the song itself.

Anna's closing thoughts sum up her emotional connection to the song. Here, the lines "I don't know if I'll make it, watch how good I'll fake it," resonate strongly with her. This climactic moment could be more powerfully set up by earlier establishing her emotional stakes in understanding the song. That way, when she finally does reach this line, it comes as a revelation, tying together her own life experiences with the song's themes.

Lastly, the piece could benefit from a conclusion that neatly ties all its threads together, providing the reader with a succinct takeaway from both the song and the reviewer's personal journey. Overall, Anna Marie Carlson’s review serves as both an emotional exploration and a thoughtful critique, making it relatable to anyone who's experienced the complexities of love, trust, and betrayal.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
283
283
Review of Rain Delay  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your piece "Rain Delay" is an engaging, short vignette that successfully immerses the reader into the world of Jimmy, a school-age character hoping for a rain delay to avoid an impending History exam. You effectively capture the emotion and urgency felt by the character, encapsulating the youthful hope that natural events might intervene to save one from academic challenges.

The opening lines set the mood effectively. The description of the rain pounding on the "corrugated tin roof" makes the setting immediately palpable. This auditory imagery, combined with the words "hail-like intensity," create a vivid scene that the reader can almost hear and feel.

You also build suspense through Jimmy's internal dialogue. The mention of the possible flooding and what it could mean for Jimmy's school attendance is well-executed, making the reader root for him. The character of Mister Sepple adds a layer of complexity and realism to the story. Your introduction of him via Jimmy's older brother serves to increase the stakes and adds a bit of foreshadowing.

Your dialogue is natural, especially the conversation between Jimmy and his mom. It showcases the typical hurried morning rush that many readers can relate to. However, a slight improvement could be made in the transition from Jimmy's hopeful musings to his mother's waking call. Perhaps, some visual or auditory cue could smoothly bridge the two scenes.

The story concludes in a subtly ironic manner, with the forecast indicating a "chance of rain later today." This adds an additional layer of depth, turning Jimmy's hopefulness into a somewhat comedic tragedy. It provides closure, but still leaves the reader wondering about Jimmy's fate in Mister Sepple's class, allowing room for interpretation or a sequel.

Overall, your writing captures the essence of youthful hope and dread in the face of challenges. With just a few paragraphs, you've built a relatable world around Jimmy that many will find charming and engaging.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
284
284
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing your piece of writing. It appears to be a poem dealing with themes of faith, divinity, and self-exploration. Your approach in marrying abstract spiritual concepts with concrete imagery is quite intriguing. For instance, the lines "We are rolled in the inflammatory screams; / The statement severe," evoke a visceral feeling that complements the ethereal subjects being discussed.

However, your work could benefit from a more coherent structure and rhythm to bring out the emotions more effectively. As it stands, the work hops between themes rather abruptly. For instance, you transition from "A concerned host shifts" to "We are rolled in the inflammatory screams" without much preparation, which can leave the reader puzzled. This is not necessarily a bad thing if your aim is to instill a sense of disorientation or questioning, but it needs to be executed with intent.

In terms of language, you use some complex and abstract phrasing ("Distinctly vowed through His Preeminence," "God’s effortless resolve"). While this adds depth, consider whether these phrases clarify or obscure your message. Sometimes, simpler words can convey a message more powerfully than intricate language.

I also noticed you capitalized certain words like "Savior," "Preeminence," and "God," indicating their importance and divinity. This is a smart technique to guide your reader through the layers of significance in your poem.

If you are seeking to improve this work, my advice would be to focus on clarity and cohesion. Revisit your transitions between lines and stanzas to ensure they contribute to the overall message and emotional impact you aim to achieve.

In summary, your poem exhibits a genuine exploration of lofty themes and shows promise. It would benefit from some refinement to make it more accessible and impactful for your readers.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
285
285
Review of Perfection  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Your piece captures the artistic process of drawing, engaging the reader's senses in a series of actions that evoke a tactile experience. You invite us to feel the weight of decision-making, from the selection of materials to the act of laying down color. Through your words, the act of creation becomes palpable, almost as if we could reach out and touch the colored pencils ourselves.

The narrative progresses methodically, reflecting the disciplined steps of an artist. Beginning with the outline and ending with shading, the flow of the poem mirrors the actual steps taken in drawing. This adds a layer of realism to the work.

However, the poem leaves us with an unresolved question: "but did it complete the picture perfectly?" This ambiguity adds depth, leaving the reader to ponder what "perfect" means within the realm of art or any creative process. It opens up the possibility for individual interpretation, which is often the hallmark of a compelling piece of writing.

One suggestion for improvement could be to delve deeper into the emotional aspects of creating art. While the piece does a great job of describing the process, it doesn't touch upon the feelings, doubts, or satisfaction that might accompany it. Adding an emotional layer could make the piece even more relatable and impactful.

In terms of formality, the poem employs casual language but doesn't come across as overly casual or childish. Its straightforward diction serves the theme well, focusing the reader on the action and the underlying question it raises.

Overall, it's a compelling snapshot of the artistic process, one that invites the reader not just to witness but to participate in the act of creation. The final question adds a level of sophistication, challenging the notion of artistic perfection and inviting the reader into a broader conversation.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
286
286
Review of Finding the Awe  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The poem captures the essence of modern life's disconnect with nature, and perhaps, even more devastatingly, our disconnect from each other. It crafts a poignant narrative about walking "for miles without opening our eyes," metaphorically illustrating how engrossed we are in our own worlds that we miss the beauty surrounding us. The pacing is particularly effective, with the rapid enumeration of actions—pacing, pausing, thinking, tasting—serving to mirror our own hurried, thoughtless lives.

The moment of transformation happens when the speaker trips, a serendipitous accident that forces them to pause and take notice of the world. The choice of a daffodil, a flower symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings, is striking. The daffodil "laughs up" at the speaker, as if inviting them to break free from their self-imposed blindness.

The last section takes an emotionally complex turn. Just as the speaker has had this epiphany, they turn to share it, only to find the other person unresponsive, eyes "screwed shut." This creates a juxtaposition between personal enlightenment and the sorrow of solitary awareness, adding a layer of complexity to the narrative.

However, one element that might amplify the poem's emotional impact is the relationship between the speaker and the "him" mentioned in the last stanza. The ambiguity leaves us with questions. Are they strangers, friends, or lovers? Diving deeper into their relationship might add another layer to the themes you're already exploring.

In conclusion, the poem succeeds in articulating the sense of detachment pervasive in modern society and reminds us of the simple yet profound beauty of reconnecting with nature and, possibly, with each other. However, expanding upon the characters' relationship could offer an additional emotional layer that would enhance the reader's connection to the text.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
287
287
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anna, your piece, penned with a sense of dreamy nostalgia, conjures images that evoke both serenity and vibrancy. Your work has the poetic essence that draws the reader into a world of vivid imagery. The mention of "nights in Jamaica" immediately transports one to a place of warmth and exotic beauty. Using elements like "drunken sailor" and "stupor" further adds a layer of whimsy and freedom, which is intriguing.

Your description of the sunset as "perfect for a super romantic wedding" not only conjures the ethereal hues of the sky but also paves the way for a deeper emotional context. It's as though the reader is invited to glimpse not just a picturesque moment but also an important event laden with sentimental weight.

Moreover, the unexpected yet charming inclusion of dolphins offers a sense of guidance or good fortune. Dolphins are generally perceived as happy and intelligent creatures, so their presence adds an optimistic tone to the narrative. Their "returning back for this special occasion" implies that nature itself is partaking in this jubilant, significant moment, giving a magical touch to your story.

However, with a mere 50 words, the piece feels somewhat brief. While brevity has its own art form, you might consider expanding on certain elements to make the feelings and scenes more resonant. More context or depth could amplify the emotions and make the setting even more captivating.

Overall, your writing shows great promise, and I find the combination of elements you've chosen to be engaging. With a bit more fleshing out, this could be an even more impactful piece.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
288
288
Review of Devoted To You  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem, "Devoted to You," effectively captures the essence of unwavering love and devotion between two people. Using an intriguing cascading rhyme scheme, where the last word of each line becomes the first word of the following line, you've created a structure that mirrors the cyclical and eternal nature of love. This design choice gives the poem a compelling rhythmic flow, making it not just a treat to read but also to listen to, should it be read aloud.

The concept of questioning devotion is a powerful one. It touches on the vulnerabilities we all feel in love—uncertainties that can haunt even the most confident among us. This poem serves as a reassurance, a verbal pledge that the love spoken about is both dependable and enduring.

Moreover, the poem employs vivid imagery and metaphors. Phrases like "Eye swollen with tears that fell like rain from the sky" and "Sky clears, clouds disappear, my spirit soars high" allow readers to visualize emotional states, lending the words a greater impact. You manage to weave these images seamlessly into the poem's narrative, enriching its tapestry without overshadowing the central theme.

However, the poem could delve deeper into the complexities and contradictions of love and devotion. While the pure sentiment of love is beautifully rendered, introducing contrasting elements or questioning the nature of such devotion could add additional layers to the work. As it stands, the poem is a lovely and straightforward celebration of love, but addressing these subtleties could make it more nuanced.

In terms of its potential impact on a reader, the repetitive structure and reassuring tone can serve as a comforting mantra for anyone questioning the strength of their own emotional bonds. The poem doesn't just say that the love is strong; it shows it through consistent affirmation and lyrical craftsmanship.

Overall, "Devoted to You" is an engaging and emotionally resonant poem that effectively communicates the purity and simplicity of true love. Its structure and imagery enhance its message, making it a poem that many will likely find touching and relatable.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
289
289
Review of The Sunglasses  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your story brings forth a poignant narrative that plays upon the human psychology of curiosity and judgement. The tale gradually unwraps the enigma surrounding the "Wild Hair lady," her eccentric fashion choices, and those ever-present sunglasses. This suspense is skillfully maintained throughout the story, even using her mysterious behavior to serve as a counterpoint to the town's collective opinion of her. However, the revelation in the end, that she's blind, provides an impactful twist that reframes everything we know about her.

You’ve incorporated vivid descriptions which add depth to the characters and the setting. Phrases like "Rows of waves trickled around like a bird's nest" and "Big and round. Dark green frame with black and blue shade on the lens. Glitter filled every inch of the frame," do a fantastic job of bringing her to life visually.

That said, the story could benefit from a little more finesse in the structure and pacing. While the twist ending is striking, the way the accident is presented feels somewhat rushed and abrupt. Given that the accident is a pivotal point in the story, it might be more impactful if it is developed in a way that allows for more emotional resonance.

On the grammatical front, be cautious with sentence structure and verb tenses to ensure consistency. For example, "She likes to keep it clean and tidy," could better match the past tense used elsewhere in the narrative: "She liked to keep it clean and tidy."

Lastly, considering your aspirations to be an accomplished writer, a pro tip: the best stories often make the reader reevaluate the narrative upon reaching the end. Your story accomplishes this effectively, making it an intriguing read that invites reflection on themes of judgment, curiosity, and the human tendency to make assumptions based on appearances.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
290
290
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem delves into the complexities of faith and the emotional journey one undertakes when choosing to follow a higher power. It's a compelling narrative with a clear development of thoughts and emotions. The protagonist starts with unwavering confidence in their faith but later realizes the weight of their commitment, feeling undeserving of divine grace. Despite the fear, the poem ends on a hopeful note, highlighting that faith is an ongoing journey.

The structure of your poem is consistent, adhering to a rhyme scheme that brings a musical quality to the piece. The repetitive phrase "I'm not afraid to follow" serves as a powerful refrain, reinforcing the theme of the poem and also acting as a marker of the protagonist's shifting perspective.

However, the shift from confidence to doubt happens quite suddenly, and I think you could benefit from adding more transitional elements to make the emotional journey smoother. Moreover, your poem ends on a note of uncertainty, hinting at a hope for worthiness 'one day.' While it leaves the reader pondering, it might be enriching to explore what makes the protagonist feel unworthy and how they envision themselves becoming 'worthy.'

As for stylistic elements, your line breaks are effective and help accentuate the rhythm of the poem. Yet, you might consider incorporating more metaphors or vivid imagery to further enhance the emotional depth. While the poem does talk about walking on water and stepping out of the boat—biblical references—additional layers of imagery could elevate the poem.

On a thematic level, your poem addresses relatable feelings of doubt, faith, and the hope for grace. The genuine emotional struggle makes it relatable to a broad audience, not just those who are religious.

Overall, your poem successfully tackles a complex and deeply personal subject matter. With some minor adjustments, it could be an even more poignant exploration of the challenges and rewards of faith.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
291
291
Review of All  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your poem captures the complexity and resilience of love with a degree of sincerity and groundedness that's often missing in overly romanticized portrayals. I appreciate how you've depicted love as a journey that entails both joys and struggles, rather than an idealized state of perpetual happiness.

The metaphor of sticks stuck together in the beginning adds a sense of organic growth and natural bonds. You've cleverly portrayed love as both mundane ("It's dandelions and crabgrass") and extraordinary ("imperfect pearls strung on an unbreakable string"), pointing out that it's the everyday moments and the imperfections that make it rich and meaningful.

What stands out to me is your mention of "woofs" and "hidden pigs" along with "the number of roses on an anniversary." These specific details invite the reader into a world filled with its own set of shared symbols and meanings, which is a powerful technique for establishing intimacy in your writing.

I also admire how the poem focuses on collaboration—clearing off that metaphorical "flat surface," adapting and growing together. This notion of partnership is often downplayed in the more commonly heard narratives about love, which usually emphasize initial attraction and emotion over long-term commitment and work.

The poem's final lines cement the idea that love is an everyday act, not limited to grand gestures or special occasions. This is a potent reminder of the ongoing commitment that love requires.

However, there's room for improvement. For instance, the line "and the ... so ... im" might be considered confusing. Is it an intentional choice to leave the reader hanging, or was it an oversight? In either case, the phrase may benefit from further elaboration for clarity.

In summary, your poem is a balanced, real-world take on love that doesn't shy away from its complexities and challenges, while also celebrating its joys and idiosyncrasies. It would resonate well with anyone who understands that true love is a tapestry of myriad threads—some tangled, some straight, but all contributing to a unique and enduring whole.

WriterRick"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
292
292
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I appreciate the emotional depth and vivid imagery in your poem, "The Day it all came Crashing." Your work touches on visceral experiences—anger, despair, physical sensations like cold chills and heat—that almost anyone can relate to in some way. The poem uses straightforward language but is dense in emotional meaning, making it accessible and impactful. Your portrayal of the bodily response to emotional upheaval is particularly effective; terms like "my stomach became an ocean" or "chills dissipated, leaving only heat" allow the reader to connect on a physical level.

The poem seems to evoke a moment of profound personal crisis. It uses the element of contrast very effectively—cold chills turning into hot anger, for instance—which adds a layer of complexity. The juxtaposition of various emotions and sensations paints a nuanced picture of how complex and multifaceted emotional experiences can be.

However, the poem also leaves me wanting to know more. What exactly caused "the day it all came crashing"? While ambiguity can be a strength, providing a touch more context could amplify the poem's impact. This would allow the reader to invest more deeply in the narrative and potentially increase the emotional payoff. It could also be useful to explore the role of the mother figure a bit more, as her presence is strongly felt but not fully developed.

Regarding structure, you might consider experimenting with punctuation and line breaks to emphasize certain moments or feelings. The overall structure is good, but additional refinement could help control the pacing and focus the reader's attention on key moments.

In sum, your poem is emotionally resonant and well-constructed. With some minor adjustments and possibly a bit more context, it has the potential to be truly gripping.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
293
293
Review of Highway of Life  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The poem offers an encompassing journey through the various stages of life, captured in an alphabetical acrostic format. This structure itself adds a level of complexity and makes the poem engaging to read.

Starting with the metaphor of life as a "highway," the poem goes on to explore themes like upbringing, education, ambition, and destiny. It's a comprehensive look at the human experience, full of both ups and downs. I particularly admire the way you handle the difficulties of life—framed as "heartache and strife"—in a way that feels realistic but not overly grim.

The poetic device of alliteration stands out as well; for example, "Bearing these burdens" and "Children come bringing both joy and grief" offer a lyrical touch. However, this element does seem to fade in the latter parts of the poem. If that was intentional to mirror the complexity of life as we age, it's an interesting stylistic choice. If not, maintaining that alliteration could add more cohesiveness.

The poem also dabbles in themes of fate and destiny, particularly in lines concerning Karma and Fate’s right hand. It's an intriguing idea that our lives are not solely the result of our actions but are also influenced by factors beyond our control. This philosophical undertone adds depth to your work.

One aspect that could be further developed is the emotional nuances of the characters or subjects in the poem. The focus stays largely on general life experiences, making it somewhat difficult for the reader to form an emotional connection.

I do think the use of scientific terms like "X-rays" and "genes" is a smart way to bring in a broader scope to the poem, integrating the notion that life is also shaped by physical and biological factors, not just emotional or psychological ones.

Overall, the poem succeeds in painting a broad, multifaceted picture of life's journey and the various elements that influence it. It's a thought-provoking work that offers both a sense of scope and room for introspection.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
294
294
Review of You Are  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The poem "You Are" is a heartfelt tribute to a partner, capturing the complexities and depth of love and companionship. The text unfolds as a series of affirmations, each stanza delving into a different facet of the emotional spectrum that the speaker associates with their significant other.

The repetition of "You Are" serves as a powerful refrain, imbuing the work with a rhythm that is both assertive and soothing. This repetitive structure brings a sort of ritualistic affirmation, where each attribute—compassion, empathy, love—doesn't just stand alone, but builds upon the last to create a composite picture of a deeply cherished person.

I find the lines "Who I am / and accepts me / for what I am not" to be particularly poignant. Here, the speaker acknowledges not just the affirming, but also the forgiving and understanding nature of love. It's a rare level of intimacy, where one is known completely, flaws and all, and yet is still accepted and cherished.

However, the poem also brings forth some conventions that might seem a bit traditional, especially the gendering of love as "the love in a man’s heart," which may not universally resonate in a more gender-fluid society. While the intent appears to be sincere, the text might benefit from a bit of modernization to make it more inclusive.

The concept of two people being "merged" as "one mind, one body, one spirit and one soul" is a romantic ideal that many aspire to, but it can also raise questions about the loss of individuality within a relationship. Relationships often involve a dance between togetherness and individual autonomy, and this poem leans heavily on the former.

In terms of form and language, the poem is accessible and straightforward. Its simplicity is both its strength and weakness; while it captures complex emotions in a way that's easy to understand, it might lack the kind of poetic nuance or intricate language that can elevate a piece from good to exceptional.

Overall, "You Are" is a tender and sincere expression of love, highlighting the multifaceted nature of a meaningful relationship.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
295
295
Review of Theirs  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

I must say, the poem beautifully captures the essence of an intimate moment in time. You've taken the mundane—smells, noises, physical sensations—and elevated them to reflect how a world can narrow down to just two people in love or infatuation.

Your use of sensory imagery is compelling. The reader can nearly hear the "hubbub of crowds," smell the "dodgy beer, nicotine," and feel the "coolness mixing with the rising temp." Each stanza focuses on a different sense, creating a multisensory experience that draws the reader into the emotional depth of the scene.

The fragmented, almost journalistic style serves well to represent the protagonist's tunnel vision. Every other thing fades into the background, becoming merely a stage for this emotional interaction. You've portrayed this most effectively in lines like "but he only held the note / of her voice / rising beyond the din."

The pacing and arrangement also help the narrative. You've managed to make each stanza distinct yet interconnected, reflecting the complexity of human emotions and encounters. The final stanzas where the protagonist finally steps up to greet her serve as an emotional crescendo, culminating the anticipation that you've carefully built up.

However, the poem could benefit from some punctuations or perhaps a more uniform structure to guide the reader through its emotional maze. While the freeform nature adds a layer of intensity, it sometimes risks becoming disorienting.

My favorite part? "In his mouth the burger previously devoured / could still be identified. / quick mint / to relieve the stench / the one thing / he wished on his tongue; / hers." It's both humorous and deeply sentimental, demonstrating that love often exists in the quirky, unglamorous details of life.

In my opinion, you've successfully encapsulated the transcendental quality of a moment between two people that makes them forget the world around them.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
296
296
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your review on the complex relationship between leadership, introversion, and social media is comprehensive and insightful. It serves as a valuable guide to help navigate the nuanced landscape of social media platforms, especially for people who might not naturally excel at or feel comfortable with social interactions.

Firstly, your cautionary note on treating social media as a credible news source is timely. The blurring lines between news, opinion, and pure fabrication are indeed concerning, and it's crucial to differentiate between them. Your motto about everyone getting "exactly what they are looking for" serves as a potent reminder to approach online information critically. Verification should be the cornerstone when interpreting content encountered on social media platforms.

Secondly, your advice to "Choose the High Road" speaks to the emotional responsibility we all bear in our online conduct. Social media can often feel like a playground for emotional impulses, where the immediate gratification of a quick retort or a sharply-worded critique can lead to a spiral of negativity. Your chocolate chip cookie analogy succinctly encapsulates the ephemeral satisfaction gained from such actions, which soon give way to regret and, potentially, online animosity.

The "Be Present" section is a call to action for more thoughtful engagement. This is more relevant than ever, given the automated and sometimes mechanical nature of social media interactions today. Your suggestion to be 'present' twice a day emphasizes quality over quantity, a vital recalibration in how we should approach social networking.

Lastly, your point about "Staying Connected" beyond the capricious environment of social media is sage advice. Owning your means of communication ensures a level of stability and control that third-party platforms can never guarantee. Email lists and personal websites serve as a more reliable, albeit traditional, form of keeping your community engaged.

However, the article might benefit from exploring the unique challenges faced by introverted leaders specifically. While you touched upon your struggles, diving deeper into this aspect could make the piece even more relatable to a particular segment of your audience.

In conclusion, your article is a well-balanced guidebook that caters to anyone from a fledgling user of social media to a seasoned veteran. You’ve approached the topic from multiple angles, making it comprehensive yet digestible.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
297
297
Review of Enough Rizal!  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

The poem "Enough Rizal!" serves as a poignant tribute to Dr. Jose P. Rizal, the national hero of the Philippines. It's evident that the poem aims to highlight the sacrifices he made for the freedom and well-being of his countrymen. The repetitive phrase "Enough Rizal, Enough!" imbues a sense of finality and respect, suggesting that Rizal's efforts should now be enough for future generations to build upon. It serves as a plea to let him rest, acknowledging that his sacrifices were monumental and have paved the way for others.

The imagery is vivid and striking—describing blood as "pristine," for instance, serves to sanctify the sacrifice. The picture of the "thirsty land" watered by his "sweat" and "blood" underscores the harsh realities faced by the people and how Rizal's actions have provided some respite. The use of nature, like "verdant land" and "cerulean skies," anchors the poem to the physical world, reminding readers of the actual land for which Rizal fought.

The use of terms like "marmoreal body," "silhouette," and "cerulean skies" bring an elevated quality to the poem, framing Rizal as more than human—almost godlike or saintly in his pursuits. Yet, by talking about his "young veins" and "fervent sweat," the poem also brings a humanizing balance. This duality adds complexity to Rizal's character, emphasizing that he was both extraordinary and painfully human.

The last stanza is a moving tribute to his immortality, stating that his "name will forever live in our hearts, in generation's tale." It harkens back to the idea that Rizal's life and sacrifice have become folklore, a tale of heroism that will be retold from generation to generation. This solidifies his eternal influence, further justifying why his soul should finally be allowed to rest in peace.

However, it might be worth exploring the limitations or criticisms of Rizal’s legacy. No hero is without fault, and it would enrich the poem to touch upon this, even if briefly.

Overall, the poem captures the sentiments of reverence and gratitude, effectively conveying why Dr. Jose P. Rizal is deserving of eternal rest and everlasting honor.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
298
298
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
The poem "Metaphor of Eternal Life" captures a vivid spiritual journey, told with eloquence and grace. The language is beautiful, yet straightforward, making the abstract concept of salvation both comprehensible and relatable. The transition from a realm of worldly experience to one of ethereal fulfillment is effortlessly represented by your choice of images and metaphors.

The line "the wine renunciation from the chalice of salvation" effectively kicks off the poem, implying a significant transformative moment. The contrast of something as decadent as wine to the lofty concept of renunciation creates a unique tension, intriguing the reader.

Your use of the marble as a metaphor for matter is quite compelling. Marble is solid and earthly, but also beautiful, which subtly raises questions about the nature of material existence itself— is it a trap or a stage for beauty?

The poem's transition from "the Reaper's grip" to "the garden of paradise" is uplifting, providing a sense of release and freedom. You've compared the spirit to "rose petals carried by the wind of dawn," which gives a sense of delicacy and new beginnings. The dawning day acts as a perfect foil for the dark, oppressive imagery of the Reaper, emphasizing the transformation that takes place in the poem.

While the poem is robust in its metaphoric language, there could be room for more specific details that allow the reader to feel what the narrator feels. For example, describing the "joy" in more tactile terms might give it more weight.

The final stanzas, where sins fade into "the damp soil of forgiveness," present an evocative close. Soil signifies growth and life, making it an appropriate medium for sins to dissolve into, in this grand metaphor of rebirth and renewal.

In summary, your poem offers a stirring exploration of transcendence and spiritual metamorphosis, captured with a fine balance of emotional weight and artistic restraint. The Poet's Note section might benefit from an explanation of your inspiration or a few words about the intended emotional or intellectual impact, making it even more enriching for the reader.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
299
299
Review of Hhh  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (1.0)
It seems like you've provided the text "Hhhhhhhhh" for review. Unfortunately, this text doesn't offer much substance for a comprehensive evaluation. If you were seeking a review of something more specific like a written piece, a book, or even a concept, I'd be more than happy to give you my thoughts on it. The more detailed your submission, the better the feedback I can offer.

If you're a budding writer, a review can be an invaluable tool. It provides you with different perspectives that can help you grow and refine your craft. Don't hesitate to present something concrete for assessment, whether it's a snippet from a story you're working on, a poem, or even just a simple idea you have for a narrative. I can offer both constructive criticism and positive feedback, both of which can be incredibly helpful on your journey to becoming an accomplished writer.

In any creative endeavor, including writing, feedback serves as a mirror reflecting your work from various angles. Sometimes it reveals facets you didn't even know existed, enabling you to improve your skills and reach towards success. So feel free to share something more detailed, and I'll do my best to provide you with a thoughtful review.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
300
300
Review of SNOW  
Review by WriterRick
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your piece vividly portrays snow as a malevolent force in nature, transforming it from an inanimate object into an almost mythological character with a will and agency of its own. The structure of your writing adds to the tension, segmenting the story into a series of mini-vignettes that each further demonize snow. This adds a nuanced complexity to the narrative, making it as much about the environment's hostility as it is about the pilot's struggle for survival. The repetition of phrases like "Snow wasn't..." lends your writing a rhythmic quality that mimics the ceaseless, unyielding snowfall itself.

However, there are some areas that could be enhanced for better engagement. The story could benefit from a deeper exploration of the pilot's internal emotional state. The current focus is primarily on the external fight against snow, but layering in the pilot's emotional conflict could provide a more balanced and engaging read. Additionally, the writing might be strengthened by avoiding redundancy; words like "Snow" and phrases like "the pilot" are often repeated, and while some repetition is clearly a stylistic choice, there could be opportunities for synonyms or different sentence structures to add variety.

Also, the last line about snow burying the pilot "in a white grave that wouldn't reveal itself until Spring" is haunting but could be even more powerful with some tweaking. Perhaps consider making the conclusion punchier to leave a lasting impression.

The pilot's plight is presented as a man-versus-nature conflict, but there's room to further develop his personality or backstory. Giving readers a reason to invest emotionally in his survival could add another layer to the already thick atmosphere of dread and suspense you've constructed.

In my opinion, your work here certainly has the bones of a compelling story; it successfully makes snow feel as menacing as any human antagonist. It's eerie, atmospheric, and conceptually strong.

WriterRick "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
592 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 24 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/rick12221/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/12