This was hard to read. There were a lot of grammatical errors. It was hard to follow, but i did pick up that it was essentially a list of pretty bloody battles. There were characters but they were pretty flat. I wonder if this wasnt something inadequately translated from another language
Yes thank you, i love your description of how to outline. It is basically how i do it though i usually know which characters specifically are pov for each scene. I try to cycle through my characters so back to back scenes don't have the same pov when they do i feel like my readers could get confused
Beautiful! It is a beautiful "snapshot" of what the creative process can feel like. I love the passion the main character has for photography. The contest seems an unreachable goal but the fact that he comes in second to someone so obviously better prepared than he is shows his potential. I love the generosity of the woman who wins the contest and the friendship they form. Excellent story at least worthy of ten stars!!!!
I figured there were nine vienna sausages to a can. But wasn't sure and wasn't sure you meant a small can or a large one. The large ones I can get my hands on have mini sausage bites and there are like twenty in them, I guess, never really counted though...
My only criticism is that the last three words should be two- outer space. It was a very interesting storyline it seemed a bit rushed but I loved it. I feel bad that the main character died, and apparently a lot of other people too. the ufo bit was alarming.
what a perfect end for such a despicable creature. i like the way you made me care just enough about what happened to him that I wasn't sure I wanted it to, but then you made him horrible from the beginning and I was rooting her on whole heartedly from the first hints of her transformation
this is a really good story. It has good pacing and it only reveals the relevant information when it is wanted. I enjoyed it immensely even though it isn't something I would have normally read. I love the main character and his steadfast love for June.
Interesting short scene. I like the way it sets the setting in your head quickly. The characters are fairly vivid for such a short piece. One is clearly an alcholic the other is all business even in her off hours. This is a story starting piece. It lets you know that there are murderers on the loos and that the cops aren't having much luck yet. the confusing thing is they talk like they know who has done the murders but they haven't caught them. One thing about the format is that it would be an easier read with a larger font. Some people on the site don't have the best eyes and I would recommend 4.5 font for most things just to get more reads.
This is a sad story. Unfortunately, men like the silver fox are all too common in America. I admire the author for volunteering to help men like this and I too share the guilt of not helping when I could have. I would hope there are more people out there like the author. I can vividly see the scene based on the dialog and tone. I can see the silver fox wobbling his way out of the bar and off into the night where he finds a semi-sheltered corner somewhere to curl up and pass out. It sounds like a sad life.
Ooh. I hadn't realized there were so many ways an apple could be thought of. A lot of the symbolism is pretty dark. If you think about it for such a tasty fruit it is really portrayed in a bad light in most literature. All because of the forbidden fruit thing which is weird since nobody alive can for certain say the tree of knowledge was an apple tree.
I am not quite sure what happened here, I think it was a tornado, but it could have just as easily been some kind of timeslip that wiped away the house from having ever existed. The characters are just as unclear to me. I am not sure about their full relationships, I don't know how old people are. It just seems kind of messy to me.
Interesting short story. I love the very limited point of view. The way her mind comes and goes. It reveals the story in a piecemeal way ever more satisfying than a simple omniscient info dump would have been. I appreciate the skill with witch this story has been assembled. I wonder how much longer the main character can keep this up.
It is a good story but i think it would be aided by separating the dialog so each speaker had their own paragraph. It might make for shorter paragraphs but it will definitely make for easier reading.i like the two characters they remind me of the heroes of some kind of black and white film. Like from just after talkies were invented.
This is an interesting story, very experimental in style. I like the gounhog day aspects of it. It is very hard to follow though. Dialog is usually set off with "quotation" marks. Other punctuation is lacking. The spelling seems pretty good but i think the whole thing would benefit from a grammar check
This is a sweet little haiku. I love Haiku. They seem so simple but they can be deceptively difficult to write. I especially love the image of the first line of the sky weeping, only to be encouraged to smile by the daffodils that the rain has nourished.
What a cute little story. I like the idea of them being siblings. But quadruplets seems like a lot for a parent to manage wrangling. Is this a birthday party? Are there more guests. I like the way the language used seems to be period speak but it also works as simple childs' play language.
This is a good poem about the risks of love. The poet seems to be honestly cautionary with prospective suitors. Her self assessment is frankly one I sympathize with though I have not been hurt so many times that stabbing first is my first reaction. I guess I am more the patiently healing type.
Everyone's mother is the best mother, even the horrible ones. It is preprogrammed into us as people to idealize them. That said your mother sounds like one of the truly good ones. Appreciate her actively while you have her as we both know she will not be around forever. I can confirm the universe will darken a great deal when her guiding light goes out.
I heartily approve of this assessment of what it takes to be a woman. I can't think of a thing you left off that I would add, and I wouldn't subtract any of your points either. I wish I could claim the words of this poem to apply to myself but I have too poor a self-image to see myself as beautiful.
Very nice piece. I love the way human greed led to the complete loss of control for the whole human race. I am glad this wasn't just another dystopian hate the machine terminator knock off. it seemed an almost pleasant conquest of humanity. it leaves me hopeful that maybe it won't be so bad to be a slave to the machine empire.
Ouch, It definitely resonates with the bullied child within me. I remember feeling powerless and turned inside out. How could I be a valuable person if they could say the things they did. The first step in finding that value within yourself is finding a voice to express the pain. From the pain you can move to the reality that the bully is the one that is broken and wrong.
It is very well written. There are a few typos but nothing that really annoys me, a couple of double commas in the middle. As for the subject matter it is an interesting take on 50's scifi fodder taking the point of view of the "monster".
I do find her goal a bit shallow and flat until you revealed her parents kept her on a tight dietary leash. Perhaps a little more of this backstory in explanation would help make her more sympathetic.
It was an interesting story, personally though it wasn't really my cup of tea.
That is a cute way to go about the challenge. I have tried this and you made it look deceptively easy. I like the apparent humour you approached this with and the sense of practicality. it is short sweet and to the point. It doesn't waver in the directness of its message.
I hav felt this way about my charachters before. I have one in particular that i still can't bring myself to let die.
It is close to her time, she knows it. I know it. I think i am having a harder time facing her end than she is. She's been with me for more than twenty years through a lot of stories. After everything i have put her through i feel bad writing her end.
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