that's a much better way for constance to get her powers it feels much less like a mistake or luck of the draw. There is more purpose to it. I assume you will be doing something similar for clara to become wildhunt. Is midge going to be a marked one too? Who will be the fourth or how many were you planning on?
Interesting, i liked the bits at the delirious butterfly. Where do they get silk from? On earth it is the far east. Just a thought. There were a couple typos nothing major. I thought silverbolt provided the electricity and that his shock battons just transmitted it.perhaps you shoutl do some more enlightening the reader on his equipment
Okay first, good chapter. Now onto the main issue I have with it- You put eggs into a hamburger? Eggs are for meatloaf! Hamburger should just be a ground beef patty, maybe onions, and garlic, but EGGS? Sorry, I'm American, we don't do eggs in our burgers. BTW Sorry that I am American.
Are you still going to have The all mother mark Silverbolt & marry him and Constance? I liked the bit about they couldn't get more than 50 feet apart. Is Hexfist going to turn out to be Constance's grandfather? Is Clara's father going to be a serial killer? What about her mother?
Okay, okay, so I like this better than the previous draft. It does seem to get to the meat of things faster but not too fast. It seems like most of the important people have been introduced, except for Clara and her family. I like them I hope they come up in the next chapter.
good blend of the previous two drafts, there are a few typos but nothing egregious. I like the way silverbolt trips over constance's name talking himself down. The scene in the temple is good too. I wonder if silverbolt left Constance and midge too soon but it is probably okay if he had stayed much longer he would have proposed right then and there.
nice chapter, not as much action but plenty of information that makes up for it. interesting take on Rexword. Are you going to restore Rexword physically to his former self? Are Clara and Midge going to get back together? Will his family jump back on the bandwagon? Will we see more of Madame Cuttle?
It is a lovely story. I love wiener dogs, I used to have two, one red shorthaired female named Ashley and her younger aunt a black and tan dapple named Tinkers. Dachshunds are surprisingly tough for small dogs. They have more spunk and fight in them than any pitbull I have ever met. If they were larger I would be scared. Still, they are so damn cute. Good job of capturing the personality of a very opinionated breed.
this is a very vivid image-filled piece of flash fiction. I like the way the tension builds. The emotions vacillate between comforting and raw pain until they land in the misery of confirmation that the woman really is his childhood friend and her fate was unpleasant.
this is a good character sketch. It gives a concise description of the character. a few questions I ask myself about my characters include what are their favorites. Books, movies, sports, activities, quotes, colors, outfits etc. I also ask myself why they are their faves. Where do they live, what is their bedroom like, and why. Dreams, hopes, future plans. I know it's a lot, but the more you know about the character the better you can plan what to do with them.
lovely poem, my only criticism is that in the third line you wrote breath when I think you mean breathe, probably a typo. Nothing major it just makes more sense in the rhythm and rhyme of the poem. I like the way you describe a life of belligerent nonconformity. Good poem.
i have the same opinion as the author. writing is a very healing activity. also pain can lead to some of the truest most honest words one can put on paper. i appreciate the sense of loss this piece conveys and have struggled with some of the same fears myself. writing has helped me move from the pit of grief to the wide plains which follow.
whoa! the author seems to have a poor opinion of love. The male speaks of all loves sweet effervescent qualities, the female rants over its failings. It seems love has failed her a great deal. I feel for her and sometimes wonder about the rollercoaster that is love. Then I remember how true the emotion can be despite all of the lying words.
I love the premise and the playful tone of this piece while being informative. I wish I had this piece to read when I first interacted with the Grammar Jungle. I fought many a battle with the Ignoramoose in my time. It still comes around every once and a while. Very cute
I am not familiar with the series this is a fanfiction from, but it does intrigue me. I wonder where the writer is going with this. I think it has great potential. I hope the author extends this story because I am interested in reading some more about this character.
Interesting piece, with very detailed discriptors. My problem is that more focus is placed on the description than the sentence structure. I would recommend running the piece through Grammarly, a browser extension that checks for grammar, spelling, and sometimes typing errors.
This is a short trip through a long journey. I appreciate what it sounds like the author went through. I didn't have it that rough. My mother seemed to accept me, whomever I loved. My stepfather wasn't the least bit surprised when I came out. The only real trial in my experience is my strict Christian father. I know my journey hasn't been as hard as this one but I find the strength of the author putting it down on paper and appreciate the boldness of it.
That is a profound exchange. I love the images that played in my mind with this story. I remember the movie. I recently read the book. The whole existential debate that it leaves me with is perfectly captured in this brief piece. In the neverending story the book the residents of fantastic (fantasia) become lies when they enter our world, this would imply that the afterlife is a lie.
Cool chapter. I was wondering if you were going to make it so the goddess's attention to the old one made him immune to the bridle. The team is really shaping up into something. I hope you have a kick-butt battle planned between the team and the villains. It has to be really cool given the groundwork you have laid down.
It is an interesting character sketch that leaves me considering examining the portfolio of the author to find out if any of the stories about the character are posted. Usually, I put more detail into my character sketches, but I have OCD. As long as the author knows them it's all good.
It is an elongated commercial. I thought it was just a thoughtfully written piece about surviving the pandemic. Face it the site is full of them at this point. I read through and was pleased with the positivity and flow of the prose until I got to the end and discovered it was all just a commercial for getting a pool put in.
The poem was full of grammatical errors, and other things that the author probably missed in the rush to put down the words and images in their head. It happens to me all the time. I enjoyed the images and sentiments. I would recommend looking into Grammarly it finds errors for me all the time and helps me fix them properly.
"Many people has lost there job"- has should be have, there should be their
"That use to be an important part of the machine"- use should be used
"As long as we don't meet our fate to early" - to should be too
"I ain't ready to see that pearly entrance gat" - you left the e off of gate
"Or even if i'm for hell with hitler and the boys" capitalization errors, I'm, Hitler
"I ain't ready feels like im only 10% into a mission" - im should be I'm
"Star shopping while hoping i keep on coping" capitalization errors, I
That is a twisted story. I missed the horror genre and wasn't expecting the ending I thought... I am not sure where I thought it was going, but I didn't see the ending coming. Maybe if I had read the genre tag before the story I would have seen it, maybe not though. still it was a gruesome ride.
This poem confuses me a bit with the second line. I wonder what is meant by it. This has a turning of the year feel to it though it was written back in November. It seems timely to me on New Years Eve. I think I enjoyed it despite my confusion though.
Short sweet and to the point. I think I will probably spend more words talking about what I felt about the story than are in the story. I wonder whether they are in high school or college. I wonder what kind of relationship they have. Is he known for being inconsiderate. She seems all too ready to accept his dismissal. In the end, he proves to be something other than a complete jerk.
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