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Retired. Never an obligation 3,795 times…minus two or three thousand more (when a zealous-whatever neurodivergence compelled me) before MY lobby to keep review totals may have saved the rest, thanks to response with consideration and generous reply to put up with me.
 
I get a hang up on stats and what’s right. Blame baseball historians. Apparently, I can’t hear the societal norm above the NOISE IN MY HEAD! WHAT? Oh…you were saying?
 
Nope. Still just me. *airplane* Fly lower.
 
What’s ringing … the doorbell? Tinnitus??
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Throwing things at other things.
Least Favorite Genres
The ones with covers that don’t interest me.
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Writing. Good writing…type(d).
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The ones that don’t draw my attention.
I will not review...
…eat green eggs and ham.
Public Reviews
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Review of Oceanic  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear David E. Navarro Author Icon,

I came across this poem of yours, "Oceanic" Open in new Window., and gave it a read. I’m inspired to comment and offer my insights of your skillful writing.

I was struck by how beautifully composed Oceanic is, as it skillfully employs poetic devices to depict the calming and rejuvenating power of the ocean at night. The poetic skill is evident in the vivid imagery and evocative language used throughout the poem.

The opening lines immediately drew me into the speaker's experience, using the metaphor of "dancing upon the oceanic waves of despondency making faces at the moon." This metaphor not only paints a striking picture but also conveys the idea of finding solace and release in the vastness of the ocean. There’s a sense of completeness in nature, in solitude, making observations through somewhat spiritual connections, like appreciation in these moments.

The poem effectively utilizes sensory imagery, allowing readers to feel the immersive nature of the ocean's presence. Phrases like "sweltering air," "pale moon salt-foam scrub," (so good) and "cool solitude of the quiet nighttime air" engage multiple senses, creating a rich and tangible atmosphere. It’s the poet’s prize, transporting readers there, to these real or imagined visions come to life through your hands that crafted with words.

The poem's pacing is well-managed, mirroring the ebb and flow of the ocean itself. It builds a sense of tranquility and serenity as it progresses, aligning with the theme of finding relief from the stresses of the day. It’s renewal in its present state, like a car guzzling gas, a kid leveling up with new video game lives — it’s the scent of that apple pie baking in the oven. But in nature, it’s like purity, not man-made, but something spiritual, mysterious, yet explainable, if you get the gist of what hovers beyond the words of a poem lighting up your tablet’s screen. So much context, all a pleasure.

Now, I push myself to find things the writer can consider with each review, not just slap on 5 stars, ring the bell and yell ‘order up!’ And on to the next. So, what I have…

Areas for Improvement:
1. Clarity of Transition: While the poem generally flows smoothly, there is a somewhat abrupt transition from the speaker's initial experiences with despondency to the soothing qualities of the ocean. Providing a more seamless transition or a bridge between these two states of mind could enhance the poem's coherence.

2. Metaphor Development: The poem could benefit from further development of the ocean as a metaphor for stress relief. You might explore how the ocean's rhythmic waves symbolize the repetitive nature of life's challenges and how they can be washed away over time.

3. Specificity and Detail: While the poem effectively conveys a mood and atmosphere, incorporating specific sensory details or personal experiences related to the ocean's calming effects could make the emotional connection with the reader even stronger.

And truly, you have a good handle on evocative expressions that burst from the page. The poem successfully utilizes poetic devices to convey that calming influence of the ocean. Maybe, the thing about transition between despondency and serenity could be refined, the metaphor of the ocean further developed, and more specific details included to deepen the reader's connection with the poem's theme. Though, pretty fine as it stands. Sometimes, observations with advice serves future endeavors. I know it helps me to deconstruct before I construct my own ditties.

This was a pleasure and thank you for entrusting your words in this internet hamlet for consideration,

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Sincerely,
Brian
Super Power Reviewer
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!


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Review of Collected  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
"Collected " Open in new Window. is a concise and thought-provoking poem that dives into the theme of finding love a second time. It uses a unique metaphor of objects and collections to depict the concept of being valued and included in someone's life. The poem effectively communicates its message in a compact form.

In the open, it presents the idea of objects of desire, initially sought after and prized but eventually gathering dust and becoming part of a collection. This metaphor cleverly represents past relationships or experiences that may have lost their luster over time. It suggests that love, like a treasured object, can lose its shine when it becomes routine or neglected. The following lines shift focus to what it means to be loved. It conveys the notion that true love involves being continually included, sought, and consulted. This contrasts the idea of becoming just another item in someone's collection, emphasizing the importance of genuine connection and active participation in a relationship.

In the concluding words, the poem offers a cautionary note about being objectified by others who may superficially smarm, charm, or blind individuals to their true intentions. It encourages the reader to choose carefully what they see and hear, urging them not to become "collected," which implies being merely a trophy or possession. To me, that was the profoundest message and very relatable. A person might wonder, after being burned more than a few times, what’s the motivation behind this person now whispering in your ear? Why the interest?

I think what follows is the trap of cynicism, not trusting one’s own heart. It’s also to me about lowering expectations, because it sets one up for a bigger fall. All my thoughts and takeaways about reading your thought provoking poem. So now, the other side of the coin…

Areas for Improvement:
1. Clarity and Consistency: While the metaphor of objects and collections is powerful, the poem could benefit from a bit more clarity in connecting the metaphor to the theme of finding love a second time. This would make the message more explicit for the reader. I workshopped with a former poet laureate who was a stickler for keeping references all pointing to a central metaphor. Otherwise, risk confusion or wind up using tired cliches or language.

2. Expanding on the Theme: The poem touches on the idea of finding love a second time, but it could provide more depth by including personal experiences or anecdotes that illustrate this theme. Adding specific examples or scenarios would enhance the poem's relatability. What is it about the second time that inspires the poem? What engagement of thought brought you to this, your catalyst? That’s where the impetuous to inspire fresh words thrives.

3. Flow and Rhythm: While the poem is concise, some variation in line length and rhythm could enhance its overall structure. Experimenting with line breaks or stanza divisions would create a more dynamic flow and pacing. I think of music, rhythm and flow. The lyrics of a good song do this. Eventually, it feels like conversation, a soliloquy if you will, either breathless in pleading one moment then slowing to a hush. Dramatic. Whatever feels natural for the profound, emotive elements.

In conclusion, "Collected", to me, effectively conveys the idea of finding love a second time through a metaphor of objects and collections. But it could improve, so the poem could clarify its metaphor, expand on the theme, and experiment with flow and rhythm for a more engaging reading experience.

It was a pleasure to consider your fine poem for comment.

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Limbo  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Krazy Anonymous Author Icon,

Upon seeing "Limbo" Open in new Window. today, I decided to lend some feedback with my takeaways.

This poem effectively captures the theme of soulful regret and the anguish of watching life move on without being able to participate. Perhaps, from the perspective of one confined to a bed, as far as being in a coma? One guess used up. *Wink*

The narrative voice is so compelling, tugs at a reader. Just with that open, you can feel this portrayal of someone going through this lifeless existence, seemingly used up. Couldn’t tell if coma is a comparative for something else that makes one go stiff, stop participating. It also feels like a need to fully escape what I could only describe as a purgatory. But, boy, does it switch gears. It seemed like an enough is enough. The exclamations. There’s emotional strength, though. And I’ve said to my depressed kid that despite hating life, and wishing they were never born, that passion, defiance and fight in their belly is so strong they should utilize it. Find purpose, meaning. Not defeatism, not check out before truly giving life a chance.

The interesting thing about jotting down these words as a writer is it serves as a visceral release. This voice is trapped by societal gags, perhaps, or by users and gaslighters. People who are judgmental, shaming or keep a person in a repressed state, won’t let them rise above their station. Any, all, or none can apply. This is what good poetry should do…puzzle the curiosity in a reader.

But, One who left to feel contrite because of the actions of others. Regret? That part made me think about generosity of this soul. But why is not clear. So, from there, let’s see…I found structure and language usage contribute to its expressions, but areas could be addressed and improved for a more impactful portrayal of this poignant emotion.

Structure and Language Use:
1. Structure and Repetition: The poem utilizes a structured pattern with rhyming couplets, which can work well for certain themes. However, the repetition of "fizzing" and "living" in the poem's concluding lines, while emphasizing the feeling of confinement, could be slightly more varied for a more nuanced expression of emotion.

Suggestion: Explore synonyms or alternate descriptions to convey the stagnation of the soul more vividly.

2. Vivid Imagery: The poem effectively uses language to evoke a sense of helplessness and longing. Phrases like "repenting for their misgivings" and "watching the life I abandoned whilst blind" create vivid mental images that enhance the reader's understanding of the soul's regret.

3. Emotional Depth: The poem successfully conveys the sorrow and frustration of the soul, but it could delve deeper into the specific misgivings or memories that haunt the narrator. This would provide readers with a more profound emotional connection to the narrator's plight.

Areas for Improvement:
1. Exploration of Regret: While the poem touches on the theme of regret, it could benefit from getting deeper into specific actions or choices that lead to the soul's regret. Providing more context would enhance understanding of the soul's anguish.

2. Extended Metaphor: The concept of "fizzing" is intriguing, but it could be further expanded upon to illustrate the soul's state of limbo. Developing this metaphor with additional details and sensory descriptions would make the poem more immersive.

3. Narrative Development: The poem had a compelling narrative of watching life from the afterlife, but could benefit from further development. Providing glimpses of the soul's past life or encounters with the living could make the narrative more engaging.

In summary, "Limbo" effectively conveys the theme of soulful regret and the frustration of watching life move on from a distant vantage point. I could totally feel energy, relate. Connecting with a reader is no problem here. I found something of interest that I enjoyed commenting on today. Hope all this feedback wasn’t too much.

Sincerely,

Brian
A Super Power Reviewer
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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Madridista Author Icon,

"Top five goofs in my running life" Open in new Window. is an engaging column that combines humor and personal experiences in the realm of amateur running. As a former column of little acclaim, I felt your piece effectively conveys the comical mishaps and challenges faced in your running journey, which would be relatable to readers who may have had their own share of athletic misadventures. I’ve had mine, too.

The column's humorous tone is one of its strongest assets. It's evident in anecdotes like mistaking porridge for race-day fuel and the "fire in the pants" scenario. These moments are amusing and resonate with anyone who has encountered unexpected and embarrassing situations during physical activities. The humor added an entertaining layer to your narrative approach and keeps readers engaged.

The writing is concise and straightforward, which works well for this type of column. The anecdotes are presented in a chronological order, which helped maintain a coherent structure and would allow readers to follow the your running journey over the years. The use of specific years for each anecdote also adds a sense of time progression.

Based on some experience as a former journalist with print, television and radio background, I’d like to suggest areas where the column could be improved:

Vivid Descriptions
While the column is humorous, it could benefit from more vivid descriptions to immerse readers in the writer's experiences. For instance, in the "porridge nightmare" scenario, describing the sensation and the surroundings in more detail could enhance the reader's connection to the story…put them there, visualize the scenario. Anticipate outcome, build a little suspense, if possible with foreshadowing.

Reflection and Takeaways
Adding a reflective element to the column could make it more insightful. After sharing each goof, the writer could briefly discuss what they learned from the experience or how it impacted their approach to running. This would provide a more rounded narrative and give readers something to take away from the column.

Engaging the Reader
To further engage readers, consider inviting them to share their own running mishaps or anecdotes in response to the column. This could foster a sense of community and interaction among readers. Not sure if you’ve tried this. Perhaps, this community doesn’t foster that kind of readership, fandom.

“Top Five Goofs Of My Running Life" is an entertaining column that shows to me it effectively combines humor and personal experiences to depict the amateur running life with its adventures. To enhance the column, consider incorporating more vivid descriptions, adding reflective elements, and encouraging reader engagement. Overall, i found it succeeds in delivering an enjoyable and relatable read for those familiar with the trials and tribulations of amateur sports.

It was a pleasure to read and comment on this rare find in this writing community. I’m thinking of my editor now, ‘Let’s run with it.’ *Laugh* All the best to you and your endeavors.

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Survivor48 Author Icon,

Readers are likely to respond to this prose with empathy and compassion. It's a heartfelt expression of grief and love for a lost family member, which can resonate with anyone who has experienced the pain of losing someone close. The author’s connection to subject drive home impact of words shared, in what I assume is a very personal piece and subject.

In this prose about the death of the brother, this piece suggests several observations that are relevant to the prose conveyance:

We Have Emotional Impact
The emotions here are palpable throughout, deep sorrow, pain, and longing for brother. This emotional connection is evident in phrases like "I really miss him" and "Words cannot express the pain."

Reflection on Brother:
It reflects upon brother’s life, highlighting the duality of his personality. When sober, he was a "great individual," but when influenced by drugs, he had an "addictive personality." This shows a complex understanding of their brother's struggles. It demonstrates the depth and seriousness of the relationship.

Grief and Coping:
This also touches on the difficulty of coping with the loss of a loved one. It mentions that life after such a loss is extremely hard, emphasizing the emotional toll it takes on the family. Those who are left behind may never fully put something like this behind and it resonates in the strained selection of words composed.

Purpose:
The text obviously serves as a therapeutic purpose. We write to discover hidden feelings, unanswered questions, to blue-print/diagram each and every scenario we try to make sense of, get close to, hope to reap a bit of knowledge from. Just as therapy, we answer our own questions, though the process is long, grueling, tedious, filled with hiccups. Writing about brother and these feelings help process grief and emotions. It could be a way to find some closure or at least a means to express love and memories of brother.

Some readers might find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in their grief, while others may simply appreciate the raw and honest emotions conveyed. Overall, the response from readers is likely to be one of sympathy and understanding for the author's experience and loss.

If I were to suggest improvement in this very personal conveyance:

Keep this going:
You have to revisit grieving until it is all out. By continuing to write, let the stark, true words bubble upon there. Bolster this ode with more detail.

Language is simple, but hard:
The simpler the better if not cliche or trite expression. Too close to it, it’s okay. Over time, wounds begin to heal. You either stop writing or pen the best selection of simple, straightforward words.

Try to eulogize:
There is many approaches and an art to eulogies, often portrayed in movies and television to absurd levels. A eulogy sets up reflection, perspective, sharing the good as well as not so good. It can formulate many different posturings that can coalesce into more than prose. Either memoir, embellished fiction, or poetry can burst forth. Give in to all mediums and find a way to eulogize.

Thank you for sharing,
Sorry for your loss,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Nausea  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear SeanFhear Author Icon,

So glad I discovered your poem, "Nausea" Open in new Window. today and wanted to offer my reaction with some feedback.

"Nausea" presents an interesting interplay between vivid imagery and emotional depth. The poem revolves around themes of love, loss, and the emotional impact of waiting. You've employed poetic devices like metaphor and personification effectively to convey its message. You did well to hook this reader from the start…

In the luster of her eyes
you'd see the dreams of
a glowing sun

The opening lines create a beautiful image of the subject's eyes, described as "the dreams of a glowing sun." That is particularly striking in how it shows emotion with the simple depiction of eyes. This shows you don’t have to work hard with the language as natural as this. There is warmth, appreciation, a comparative with a vision all know well, especially with ‘glowing’, a word often applied to pregnant women. There’s something special about this someone. This metaphor not only paints a vivid picture but also implies a gaze that is uplifting and inspiring (as to write an ode to her). The subsequent lines further explore the idea of the heart's connection to the subject's presence, using rich metaphors and personification to illustrate the profound effect this person has.

One of the notable features of the poem is the use of repetition, particularly in the lines "shall I wait for the injury to heal" and "shall remain unditched." This repetition not only serves to emphasize key ideas but also contributes to the poem's rhythm and overall flow. This is especially functional with a tonality that appeases.

I did have some suggestions if you ever consider doing any revisions:

1. Clarity in Transition
While the poem effectively conveys emotion and imagery, it could benefit from greater clarity in transitioning between ideas. For instance, there's a shift from describing the subject's impact on the speaker to the idea of waiting, and then to the concept of nausea. Ensuring a smoother transition between these aspects would enhance the poem's coherence.

2. Explore Emotions Deeper
The poem touches on powerful emotions like love and loss, but there's room to delve even deeper into these feelings. Consider expanding on the emotional turmoil caused by waiting and the lasting impact of loss to create a more profound emotional resonance.

3. Varying Structure
While the poem maintains a consistent rhyme scheme and structure, experimenting with line length and stanza breaks could add variety and impact to the poem's overall rhythm and delivery. This could help emphasize key moments or ideas.

I thought this poem effectively captures the emotions associated with love, waiting, and loss. By refining those transitions, maybe delving deeper into emotions, and possibly experimenting a bit with structure, you could further enhance ability of this write to resonate impactfully with readers. I enjoyed reading your poem and considering its potential. I’m happy you shared it here, offering me this chance to lend feedback…if it helps in any way.

Best regards,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Summer Harvest  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Pumpkin Author Icon, I discovered your poem, "Summer Harvest" Open in new Window. while in consideration of our changing season here in Northeast Wisconsin and enjoyed the read, so wanted to offer my reaction with a review, as a member of the Super Power Reviewer’s group.

Your offering beautifully captures the essence of the season through use of vivid imagery and sensory details. I was impacted by how the poem employs a sensory-rich approach, emphasizing the sense of smell and taste to evoke the reader's connection to the summer harvest. The use of simile in "Weaves through the air like embroidery thread" creates a delightful and relatable image, comparing the aroma to a familiar and delicate craft. This style effectively transported me into the scene, allowing a fuller experience about the harvest with this narrator’s charm and appreciation of all things connected to fall..

The seasonal theme is strong and provided a vivid snapshot of summer transitioning into autumn. It speaks to the cyclical nature of the seasons, with summer's abundance giving way to the eventual decay of autumn and the arrival of winter. This thematic exploration of the passage of time and change is a powerful element of the poem.

One noteworthy aspect is the use of personification in "Toward autumn's beauty I must run," giving autumn the quality of beauty and agency as if it's a destination to reach. This personification adds depth to the poem and contributes to the overall theme of change. It’s how I like to personify and connect in my nature poetry, to show a romantically driven theme.

I thought I could offer some suggestions for improvement, if you decide revision is necessary…

*Consistency in Rhyme and Meter*
While the poem employs rhyme in some lines, it could benefit from more consistent rhyme and meter to enhance its musicality. For example, consider maintaining a consistent rhyme scheme throughout the poem to create a more rhythmic and harmonious flow. If you lean into something like free verse, a poet could tone down rhyme and bump up with assonance to help with that ear candy.

*Expand on Emotions*
While the poem effectively paints a sensory picture of the harvest season, it could delve deeper into the emotional aspect of the speaker's connection to summer and the impending change. Exploring the speaker's feelings about the transition from summer to autumn could add emotional depth to the poem. It could relate to childhood or parenting, any romance.

*Enhance Closure*
The poem ends with the line "Memories of summer will linger," which is a strong note, but it might benefit from a concluding stanza or lines that offer a more satisfying sense of closure or reflection on the harvest season. Much like a haiku, it paints pictures with the words, the ending acts as a pay off by connecting those dots and fully immersing in what it all means, some kind of statement that could impact more fully.

To kind of recap, your poetry is a sensory-rich and evocative presence that beautifully captures the essence of the season and the passage of time. I think you’ll find refining rhyme and meter can help for a smooth more musical read. If there’s a possibility, expanding on emotions, and enhancing closure, this poem could further elevate its impact and resonate with readers.

This was a pleasure for me to consume and consider for feedback. I appreciate that you shared and entrusted your words with our writing community.

Sincerely,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of stolen Moments  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A white case memorial review of "stolen Moments" Open in new Window. by Lisa Noe Author Icon:

"Stolen Moments" by Lisa Noe is a poignant poem that captures the essence of fleeting, cherished moments. While the poem is a heartfelt expression of emotion, let's explore how it succeeded before I reveal the potential areas there were for improvement.

Successes:
1. Emotional Impact: The poem successfully evokes deep emotions, particularly in the first stanza. It beautifully portrays the idea of capturing a magical moment in time and treasuring it forever. The use of rhyme enhances the emotional resonance, making it a touching read.

Example: "A magical moment stolen in time
Sweet treasured moment spoken of in rhyme."

2. Imagery: The poem effectively employs imagery to convey the idea of joy and love. Lines like "Joyous notes being bellowed" and "Hope is heard meticulously" paint vivid pictures in the reader's mind, enhancing the overall experience.

Example: "Joyous notes being bellowed,
Dripping from each sound, it’s mellowed."

3. Themes of Love and Gratitude: The poem clearly conveys themes of love and gratitude. It's evident that the speaker is celebrating a special connection and expressing thankfulness for it, which resonates with readers who have experienced similar emotions.

Example: "Praising God for giving me you."

If Lisa were with us today, here are three areas that could have been improved to make the poem even more powerful and refined:

1. Structure and Pacing: The poem is relatively short, and its brevity works well for its theme. However, Lisa could have experimented with stanza breaks and line lengths to create a more dynamic and varied rhythm. This would provide a sense of movement and depth, enhancing the reading experience.

2. Consistency in Imagery: While the poem employs vivid imagery effectively in places, maintaining consistent imagery throughout would strengthen its impact. Lisa could have extended metaphors or symbolism to develop a deeper connection between the stolen moments and the emotions they evoke.

3. Exploration of Nuances: The poem touches on the idea of stolen moments and love, but it could benefit from delving deeper into the nuances of these emotions. Lisa could have explored specific memories or details that make these moments special and unique, allowing readers to connect on a personal level.

In summary, "Stolen Moments" by our cherished lost friend is truly a touching poem successfully conveying emotional themes through heartfelt language and imagery. If only we could have her here to continue to encourage her explore deeper nuances within the theme of those stolen moments and love.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Miss Writer Author Icon:

"Title:- The Dance of Time" Open in new Window. is a beautifully composed poem that skillfully explores concept of time as an ephemeral dance. Its structure and flow contribute to its charm, but there are some areas where improvement can enhance the overall impact.

Meter and Rhyme:
The poem follows a consistent AABB rhyme scheme, which adds a musical quality. However, consider incorporating occasional variations in rhyme to maintain reader engagement. For instance, in the fourth stanza, you could use a slant rhyme to create a subtle shift.

Suggestion: "Time's symphony plays, near and far,
A melodic tune like a distant star."

Length of Stanzas:
The stanzas are relatively uniform in length, which provides a sense of balance. To create more contrast and emphasize key points, try varying the stanza lengths. Shorter stanzas can emphasize profound moments, while longer ones can provide a sense of continuity.

Suggestion: Consider shortening stanzas to emphasize impactful lines, such as the last stanza.

Theme Conveyance:
Imagery: The poem effectively uses imagery to convey the theme of time as a dance. However, it can benefit from more vivid and unique imagery to capture the reader's imagination. For example, in the second stanza, you could paint a more colorful picture of time's rhythm.

Suggestion: "In every breath, with every beat,
Time's rhythm, a waltz of swift, nimble feet."

Symbolism: While the poem alludes to the emotions associated with time, it can delve deeper into symbolic representations. For instance, you could use symbolism to represent joy, pain, and love as distinct dancers in the dance of time.

Suggestion: "Joy pirouettes, Pain waltzes by,
Love leads the dance, reaching for the sky."

Metaphors: Explore metaphors to enrich the theme further. Comparing time to a dance is a great start, but extending this metaphor can evoke more profound emotions.

Suggestion: "Time's dance, a river, ever flowing,
Carrying us on its currents, unknowing."

Overall, I found "The Dance of Time" to be a graceful poem with a compelling theme. By incorporating variations in rhyme, experimenting with stanza lengths, you might find a better read. Deepening the use of imagery, symbolism, and metaphors to fully capture the essence of time's dance would truly impact what already is a beautiful poem. Perhaps, the suggestions can help engage readers on a deeper level and make the poem even more memorable.

This was a joy to consume and consider as I thought about how to appreciate your poem on this level and give it further attention, should you decide to move forward with any revisions. Thank you for sharing and allowing this opportunity to send feedback,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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putting away the highlighter now *Smile*


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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear Gustav Flint Author Icon,

"The Cycle of Sorrow" Open in new Window. is a poignant poem that effectively conveyed the cyclical nature of societal suffering and the passing of responsibility from one generation to the next. The poem employed a consistent structure, utilizing repetition and variation to emphasize its theme.

Here are some highlights:

Repetition
The repetition of the phrases "Today, and tomorrow" serves as a powerful structural device, highlighting the recurring nature of societal issues. It underscores the idea that problems persist unless addressed.

Evocative Imagery
he use of fields as a recurring setting adds depth to the poem. It symbolizes both a gathering place for expressing discontent and the consequences of inaction when left barren.

Symbolism
The poem effectively uses symbolism to represent the passing of responsibility from one generation to the next. The shift from "we" to "they" and the call for the young ones to be "bold" carry profound meaning.

What could use reconsideration:

1. Repetitive Phrasing: While repetition is a strength, it can also lead to a sense of predictability. To enhance the poem, consider introducing more variation within the repeated lines to maintain engagement.

2. Vague Distaste: The poem expresses "distaste" for the world without delving into the specific issues or reasons behind it. Adding more concrete details or examples could make the poem more relatable and impactful.

3. Punctuation and Line Breaks: The poem could benefit from more strategic punctuation and line breaks to guide the reader's pacing and emphasize key moments or ideas.

Suggestions for improvement:

Clarify the Message: Expand on the reasons for the "distaste" expressed in the poem. Offering specific societal issues or challenges would make the theme more concrete.

Vary Repetition: While repetition is a central element, introduce some variation in phrasing or structure within the repeated lines to maintain reader interest.

Enhance Punctuation: Use punctuation strategically to control the rhythm and emphasize key moments. Experiment with line breaks to create pauses for reflection.

In summary, your poem effectively conveys its central theme through repetition, imagery, and symbolism. To improve, it can provide more clarity on the issues addressed, vary those repetitive elements, and refine punctuation and line breaks for that affect pleasure of the read.

It was a pleasure to read this and consider what I could offer by way of feedback. I hope it was helpful,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of wearing my body  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Dear Charlie Carrol Author Icon,

"wearing my body" Open in new Window. is a thought-provoking prose poem that delves into the complex theme of ownership and autonomy over one's own body. The poem explores the idea that, despite the appearance of control, the body is not entirely one's own but subject to societal expectations and external influences. It struck me to consider that for a moment.

The central theme of body ownership is effectively expressed through the use of vivid and symbolic imagery. The comparison of the speaker's skin to a peach and the mention of weeping sweet sticky sap create a sensory experience for the reader, while evoking vulnerability and fragility.

The form as a prose poem is well-suited to its contemplative and introspective nature. The lack of traditional line breaks allows for a continuous flow of thoughts and reflections, emphasizing the narrator's inner dialogue and personal exploration. Often times, I do this, but still break up the text. Can't get comfortable with it.

However, with every poem I read, I task myself with offering some suggestions and there might be some areas where the poem can be improved, should the author choose:

1. Clarity and Structure: While the prose form allows for a stream-of-consciousness style, the narrative could benefit from a slightly clearer structure to guide the reader through the speaker's evolving thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, we need those pauses at the right moments to punctuate what was just revealed, or to pause a bit to consider.

2. Stylistic Consistency: Consider maintaining a consistent tone throughout the poem. The transition from a contemplative tone in the beginning to a more intimate and sensual tone in the middle and the return to introspection at the end could be smoothed out for a more cohesive narrative, should you choose. It's always personal in these cases and difficult. But, you have the original and something to experiment with, to see if the experience can be heightened, new revelations revealed.

3. Punctuation: Be mindful of punctuation to enhance the flow and comprehension. Some sentences are long and could be broken into shorter, more digestible segments for improved readability. With long lines and no stop signs or yields, the pace can be fast, or thick and slow. Read aloud, it's possible to hear where the words long to hesitate, or how they flow like a stream.

Overall, "Wearing My Body" is a compelling exploration of the concept of body ownership and the societal pressures that influence it. With some refinement in structure and stylistic consistency, it can become an even more powerful and thought-provoking piece of prose poetry. That's up to you. I liked it. Lending a few extra observations that could even apply to the next thing your write,. Who knows? We're all learning as we go. Reviewing helps me with digesting and breaking down words to comprehend and understand from the many different styles and ideals out there that can influence writing.

It was a pleasure to read and offer this feedback,

Brian
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Review of Great and blue  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Rapunzel Author Icon

I discovered your poem "Great and blue" Open in new Window. on the review pages and wanted to read and consider for feedback.

"Great And Blue" captures a spontaneous moment encountering a bird while driving and reflects on the unexpected joys in life. I often have these types of revelations that cause me to put everything aside and just witness, at times like this. Your poem effectively conveys the sense of curiosity and appreciation for nature's beauty in an ordinary setting.

What Works:
Authenticity: The poem feels genuine and personal, creating a connection with this reader through the speaker's candid narration of the experience. I really connected.

Imagery: The descriptions of the bird and the surroundings are vividly offered here. The image of the bird spreading its wings and taking off into the grey sky is particularly evocative. I love words that can help envision an image as I read.

Pacing: I found pacing is appropriate for the contemplative nature of the poem. It allows the reader to absorb the moment and emotions in something like real time.

Narrative: The narrative structure of the poem, recounting a real-life event, adds authenticity and relatability. And, as I said, I connected because I've done this, too.

With every poem, I task myself to suggest places for improvement. Here's what I have:

{c}1. Clarity and Flow: While the poem has a conversational tone, some sentences could benefit from improved flow and clarity. For example, the line "I don't think you're where you're supposed to be" could be rephrased for smoother readability. Though, nitpicking on statement, because it's true to what someone would say.

2. Stanza Breaks: Consider breaking the poem into stanzas to visually structure the narrative and guide the reader through the different stages of the encounter with the bird. I've experimented with line breaks in such a way that action is shown in the text. If you can find a way to make the read look and sound like a bird flapping, you've really done something. I can do waves, that's about it.

3. Exploration of Emotion: While the poem touches on the idea of joy in accidental discoveries, it could delve deeper into the emotional impact of this encounter. Explore how this moment affects the speaker on a more profound level. We're all affected differently, from questioning our own existence to relationships to the type of day it was. I usually try to end a poem somehow on that note, maybe even connecting with short words and phrases throughout. It gets deeper.

Overall, your poem successfully captures a fleeting, serendipitous moment and offers a relatable reflection on finding beauty in unexpected places. If you choose to enhance the poem, focus on refining the flow, introducing stanza breaks, and delving deeper into the emotional resonance of the experience to engage the reader more fully.

I still give it five stars because it is impactful as delivered. There are a few poems that are considered perfection. They get fives. Probably everyone used to teach a university level course. Some reviewers here are comparing everyone to Keats or T.S. Elliot. We/I grade on a scale here and what I go for is what moves me. And this does. I'm sure you no 'newbie' to poetry. Great job!

Brian
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Review of heavenly angel  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
I found your poem "heavenly angel" Open in new Window. on the Plug Page and gave it a look over. This poem title and it's description grabbed me, 'about someone special that makes you feel like no one else'. We could all use someone like that in our lives, the good kind.

Here I'll summarize poem, what it captured poetically and what might be improved upon considering from all angles, in hopes it will help convey this message more effectively.

Heavenly Angel

You are the beautiful heavenly angel,
with a glow, brighter than the sun,
when ever you smile,
the world lights up,
your beauty has no equal,
you're beautiful the way you are,
my beautiful heavenly angel,
my one, and only...one.



What I find Heavenly Angel attempts is to capture the essence of someone special who brings unparalleled joy and radiance to the one's life. However, it currently falls into the trap of sounding overly cliché, akin to a greeting card sentiment. To convey this message more effectively while avoiding clichés, there can be several ways to make improvements.

First, the poem's imagery and descriptions are overly familiar. Phrases like "brighter than the sun" and "the world lights up" are common and lack originality. To make the poem more engaging, the poet in you needs strive for something uniquely exressive and find fresh descriptions that evoke the reader's imagination. Pairing the right two words here and there is all it sometimes takes.

Further, it's crucial to delve deeper into what makes this person special, what wakes the poet. Rather than just stating their beauty, the poet could explore specific qualities, moments, or actions that set this person apart. Personal anecdotes or metaphors that connect the reader to the subject can be more impactful.

To avoid the greeting card tone, the poet should use subtlety and nuance. Instead of explicitly saying, "you're beautiful the way you are," show this through vivid descriptions and actions. Let the reader infer the beauty from the words and emotions conveyed.

Additionally, consider the poem's structure and rhythm. Right now, it has a sing-song quality that adds to its clichéd feel. Experiment with different line lengths, stanza structures, or rhythmic patterns to create a unique and memorable flow.

In summary, to improve "Heavenly Angel," focus on original and vivid descriptions, explore what makes the person special in more depth, use subtlety rather than direct statements, and experiment with the poem's structure and rhythm to make it stand out from clichéd sentiments and resonate more deeply with readers.

I find this poem is find how it stands if given to another. When we share with readers, we are shouting from the hilltops. It can be powerful and moving with just the right words and structure.

Hope this helps. It was a pleasure to read and lend feedback,

Brian
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Review of Destination  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
In regards to: "Destination" Open in new Window. which I found on the public reviewing pages.

Dear xyxe Author Icon,

In the description of your poem that i found on the plug page, you ask the reader if they relate. This teases me to consider.

I’m happy to have discovered your poem. Congrats on capturing the essence of uncertainty and hope in nature's course. I had the overwhelming thought your poem beautifully conveys the universal theme of life's unpredictability.

Of the suggestions i would have for improvement of your great poem include use of poetic devices, reconsideration of length, direction for theme with its nature:

1. Consider expanding on the emotions felt by the personified leaf as it embarks on its journey. This could create a deeper connection with readers.
2. Experiment with different metaphors or descriptive language to evoke even more vivid imagery in your poem.
3. Perhaps explore the idea of fate or destiny further, reflecting on whether the leaf has any control over its path, free will and the human component as it reflects beck on human struggle. This could add another layer of complexity to the narrative.

Im happy to have discovered this illumiating short poem, full of impact from brevity to the connection made to a leaf given human like qualities.

Brian
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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Henry George Author Icon

The short story "Hitting a bullseye" Open in new Window. explores themes of determination and perseverance through the lens of a young archer. While the story has potential, there are several aspects that can be improved to enhance its development.

Story Structure and Formatting:
1. Expand on the protagonist's character development. Provide more insight into Trent's thoughts, feelings, and motivations. This will allow readers to connect with him on a deeper level.

2. Consider breaking the story into clear sections or acts, highlighting the character's progress and challenges. This can provide a better structure to the narrative.

Story Elements and Plot/Theme:
3. Emphasize the significance of hitting the bullseye for Trent. Why is it so important to him? What does it represent in his life? This will add depth to the story's theme of determination.

4. Add more conflict and obstacles. Trent faces some initial challenges, but introducing more hurdles and setbacks can make his eventual success more rewarding.

5. Explore the relationship between Trent and his father. Their dynamic is briefly touched upon, but delving deeper into their interactions can add emotional depth to the story.

Use of Dialogue:
6. Use dialogue to reveal character traits and motivations. Conversations between Trent and other characters can help convey their personalities and the reasons behind their actions.

Conflict Resolution and Story Arc:
7. Develop a clearer conflict resolution. Trent's journey should have a more defined culmination, whether he eventually hits the bullseye or learns an important life lesson.

Falling Action and Conclusion:
8. Consider providing more closure in the falling action and conclusion. Trent's smile at the end suggests satisfaction, but a more explicit resolution or reflection on his growth as a character can give the story a stronger ending.

In summary, to make "Hitting The Bullseye" more engaging and emotionally resonant for readers, focus on character development, adding depth to his motivations, and introducing more obstacles for him to overcome. This will create a more compelling narrative that emphasizes the themes of determination and personal growth.

It was a pleasure to consider for feedback and wish you success in your writing endeavors,

Brian
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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Dear xyxe Author Icon,

I commed you on your desire to produce a book of children's literature with the use of your poetry, offering on the WDC reviewing pages. I might have some useful suggestions for the lay out of the children’s book notion, ‘I Am Tex the T-Rex'.

For the layout of a children’s book in poetic fashion, I focused mainly on structure, development and content, and would suggest bring this all together to get published.

Breaking it down:
Title: I am Tex the T-Rex

Page 1: T t, Tex. That’s my name. What am i? I’m a T-Rex.

Page 2: I’m big, I’m scary, and I shout out loud. Come on do it with me, let’s go, RAWR! RAWR!! RAWR!!!

Page 3: I have one long tail, and two big feet. two small hands…and I like to eat.

Page 4: I like to eat meat. one in each claw.
I put it in my mouth, my mouth is called a maw.

Page 5: I have many teeth, To eat my food.
Chomp chomp chomp! that’s how I chew.

Page 6: Tex the T-Rex. that is who I am. It was very nice to meet you. I hope to see you again.

It's nicely done. Your children's book idea "I am Tex the T-Rex" has potential. Here are three suggestions to bring it together for publishing:

Structure: Consider a more consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm throughout the book. This will make it more engaging for young readers. For example, you can follow an AABB or ABAB rhyme scheme for each page.

Development: Expand on Tex's adventures or encounters. Create a storyline that allows young readers to follow Tex on an exciting journey or adventure. This will add depth to the character and keep children engaged throughout the book.

Content: Infuse educational elements. Since this is a children's book, you can incorporate fun facts about T-Rexes or the prehistoric world in a playful and informative way. This will not only entertain but also educate young readers.

To bring it all together for publishing, ensure the book maintains a consistent tone and style throughout, making it suitable for its target age group. Additionally, consider including colorful and captivating illustrations that complement the text and help tell Tex's story visually. Finding a good illustrator is essential.

Engaging a skilled illustrator is a key step in making your book visually appealing to children. Also, suggest that you research the children's book publishing market, identify potential publishers or self-publishing options, and prepare a polished manuscript and proposal to pitch your book effectively.

I hope all of this helps. It's a pleasure to consider for feeback and hopefully illuminate the possibilties of your writing in this format.

Best Wishes,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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for entry "Haiku: "Gentle Light"" Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear Jay O'Toole Author Icon,

I love reading and reviewing haiku. While form is short, it can be packed with complex detail intoning intent and vision borne out of this age old Japanese poetry approach. Poets who really get it right can illuminate a mind with great inner thought that could go as far as examining existentialism. Having said that, I'm looking at your poem, "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.. Let's put it on the board to examine:

Gentle Light

through the shade to shine
late day sun gives warmest gift
sunset sits with all


There are times when a title can set up a poem well, especially with something as short as a haiku. Your title was most appropriate, almost as if it softened my eyes and soothed my soul before I approached. The words choosen to start the post have alliteration, single syllables, but an inactive verb. The words 'to shine' caused me to stumble, stuck out like a sore thumb. I couldn't suggest ways to repair, just point out what I noticed there. It's difficult to suggest, act as the authority on someone else's words. I'm sure you best know how to deal with it, once something has been pointed out.

Sometimes, I go without articles like 'the' before a word, and it works. Articles can be extraneous. Just ask the Brits. But,{c} 'late day sun gives warmest gift' was also stiff. I wanted to loosen my shoulders, shake it off, give it another read. Flow can be important to a haiku and now it's got me thinking of possible repairs. 'gives' is a weak verb. And jumping down to line three, the verb 'sits' also squats where a more unique, descriptive verb could be the element that fires up your poem, sparks the heart of a reader.

'sunset sits with all'

it's vague? there is alliteration at work. There is simple language, which I like. Descriptiveness, setting might be lacking. Considering: your poem is actually the framework of a scene more like an event. We don't get a sense of season. We can't really imagine ourselves there, unless we fabricate. Fabrication is your role as author here. But, really, what isnpires a haiku? An experience.

Really, there is nothing bad about your poem. On the other end, there is nothing remarkable. Just go with me on this. Poetry is something we write because of something joyous, experience, and all the other stuff that emotes. Haikus are about nature, usually about something that surprises the soul through our eyes. What can a haiku help us visualize?

I think you are capable of approaching another haiku and thinking of a scene that has all these elements. When or where does shade get pushed out by light shine? This might be mid-morning on a cool Autumn day, when the air is dry and the leaves are about to fall in bright array? And that last line is supposed to hit us with a revelation. What could it be about sunset? Oh, yeah. Sunset. We are warmed by it's setting on the horizon, falls over our face. There is a moment there in sunset. I think the poet felt something. I think you can convey it.

This has been intriguing for me. Haikus like this really get us to think about the process. I'm interested in what it takes to motivate a person to haiku. What reward they get from the experience. And, as a reader, what personal experience do we contain, like light, that illuminates memory to help us render a scene near to yours, to immerse ourselves in a poetic experience.

This is all good. You keep up with the haikus. Read a few. Sometimes, inspiration comes from some unusual places. It was a pleasure to read and comment on your poetry. Thank you very much for sharing,

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of A Fake Smile  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Survivor48,

In your poem "A Fake Smile" Open in new Window. you embark on a journey to explore the theme of concealing true emotions behind a smiling facade. Through concise verses, you effectively convey the contrast between outward appearances and inner turmoil, shedding light on the complexity of human emotions.

The poem's succeeds in its ability to capture the essence of the theme. It vividly illustrates how a smile, typically associated with happiness and pleasure, can often be a mask concealing a deeper, less cheerful reality. This stark dichotomy between the external portrayal of joy and the internal turbulence beneath is poignant in a reflection of the human experience. Your poem's brevity works to this endeavor, allows it to deliver a concise message with impact. Each line contributes to the overall narrative, building on the idea that emotions, though hidden, are always present, like a simmering volcano on the verge of eruption.

However, I found there might be opportunities for improvement with this as described free verse. While brevity can be powerful, a touch more elaboration could enhance the emotional depth of the poem. For instance, delving further into specific scenarios or feelings that lead to the need for a fake smile might help readers connect more deeply with the experiences being described. Also, the poem could benefit from more vivid imagery or metaphors to evoke a stronger emotional response from readers. Expanding on the idea of "putting a leash on negative emotions" and exploring the consequences of failing to do so could add layers of complexity to the narrative.

In summary, A Fake Smile effectively demonstrated to me its theme of concealing inner turmoil behind a smiling exterior. It serves as a thought-provoking reflection on the human condition, but a bit more detail and vivid imagery is still possible to enhance its emotional impact and engagement for your readers. That's if you return to reconsider and redraft. A pleasure.

Sincerely,

Brian
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Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Survivor,

In this free verse poem titled "Misery Loves Company," the poet in you conveys several themes and ideas. Overall, the poem's clarity and relatability can resonate with a broad audience, encouraging self-reflection and a deeper understanding of the emotional battles many people face.

It uses Personification with the use of emotions like "misery," "joy," "despair," and "sorrow." It gives these emotions human-like qualities and intentions, portraying them as entities that seek to influence and manipulate. And, there’s the emotional struggle that explores the internal between positive and negative feelings. It depicts how misery and sorrow try to influence a person's decisions, attempting to drag them into sadness.

The poem emphasizes the importance of rejecting the influence of negative emotions and false hope. It suggests that even if the path of happiness appears lonely, it's better to resist the pull of despair and seek genuine joy.

The impact on readers may vary, but I have takeaways that include:

- Reflection: This poem can serve others. Readers may reflect on their own experiences with negative emotions and how they've dealt with them. They might consider the importance of resisting the pull of despair.

- Empowerment: The poem can empower someone to make conscious choices about their emotional well-being, reminding them that they have the right to reject misery and choose happiness.

- Sympathy: Some readers who have faced similar emotional struggles may find solace in the portrayal of these struggles in the poem, knowing that others have felt the same way. We’re not alone.

Overall, I found this relatively clear in its message. It uses straightforward language and metaphors to convey the battle between negative and positive emotions. The message is easy to grasp, allowing readers to connect with the themes and ideas presented.

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Cupid's Arrow  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dear BlackAdder Author Icon,

I discovered "Cupid's Arrow" on the read and review pages, so I’m on the clock! Your sci-fi/romance story raises thought-provoking questions about the nature of love, choice, and the influence of chemicals. I read a narrative that pries at the moral dilemma faced by the protagonist, Tram, grappling with the effects of a mysterious beverage and how it impacts his feelings for Lisa Chang. One of the strongest elements of your short fiction was the ability to create a sense of intrigue and suspense from the very beginning.

The opening scene at Cupid, Inc. introduced me to to a world of secrecy and corporate power, which helped formulate a narrative that I found engaging and thought-provoking. This idea of a state-run corporation using chemical persuasion to foster love adds a very intriguing sci-fi twist to the traditional romance genre…one that brought me back to old movie titles like Love Potion No. 9 (which I’ve never seen, but have assumed premise). Movies then were fantasies of being irresistible to women, thinking we could exploit it (as men), learn our one true love was under our nose the whole time…and she’s hot! Hmm. *Think* But, I digress from those formulaic romcoms.

I felt Tram Fong is well-developed, and his internal struggle adds depth to the story. The conflict he faces between his feelings for Lisa and his loyalty to his girlfriend, creates a compelling emotional dilemma. Tram's journey from a skeptical journalist to someone deeply affected by the chemical manipulation is portrayed with authenticity. I have a journalism background, so good value add there.

The story also effectively explores the moral and ethical aspects of love induced by chemicals. It prompts readers to ponder the age-old question of whether love is a matter of fate, choice, or mere chemical reactions. This philosophical theme adds depth to the narrative and invites readers to reflect on the complexities of human emotions. Now I’m thinking about pot and mushroom legalization and a gold mine of morality plays within that. I see it with my transgender kid…and with an edgy Netflix series by Jud Apatow called simply, “Love,” whose characters wrestle less with morality and more with their own foibles that make them relatable but mostly bad or pathetic people. Getting off course again.

I’m tasked with finding areas where the story could be improved, per your own remarks on reviewing. The transition from Tram's initial skepticism to his sudden and intense attraction to Lisa feels somewhat abrupt. Providing more insight into the gradual shift in his emotions would make his character arc more believable. Now I’m thinking of transformations like Jerry Lewis in the Nutty Professor. *Laugh* It might be an intriguing line to tow, getting into descriptive, emotional physicality with a more observable process. I’d also add, the conclusion leaves some loose ends. While it's clear that Tram has been persuaded by the chemical, the resolution lacks closure regarding his future actions and the consequences of his decisions. Providing a more definitive ending could enhance the overall impact of the story. I’m stretching, thinking of the Jim Carrey movie…title…ah…Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Anyway, it’s how those characters responded to choices to reverse the love process, by forgetting. Am I in left field yet?

In terms of style, the prose is clear and well-written, with descriptions that vividly bring the settings and characters to life. Your dialogue effectively conveyed the tension and emotions within the story.
Summing up, this was thought-provoking for me, as you see me putting it in context of all kinds of scenarios/vehicles, albeit cinema/tv, with its unique premise. Your story challenges conventional notions of love with strengths that lie in an intriguing premise, well-developed protagonist, and that philosophical exploration of love. I’d really like to see Tram’s emotional journey develop with some more to chew on with finality closer to resolution.

This is a promising narrative that encourages readers like me to contemplate the complexities of human emotions and choices we are faced with.


Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Accept  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Raygunner Author Icon

Enjoyed considering this poem for feedback. Hopefully, I can do justice to it with my own words in response.
The structure is important, but I always allow for poetic license, meaning that sometimes the message is more important than the structure. But a poem’s theme could be affected if the structure is flawed ...but I really did like.

Word choice was important. Some poems use words that seemed out of place, but found that not to be the case here. Sometimes the right word in the right place is crucial to the entire poem and be really powerful. Ray's poem, "Accept," delves into a thought-provoking exploration of societal conformity and the relinquishment of individual agency. This poignant piece is filled with a powerful message and showcases a unique poetic style that effectively resonates with readers.

The message of the poem is crystal clear—society often molds individuals into accepting norms and constraints, leading to a loss of freedom and self-expression. It vividly portrays the journey from childhood obedience to adult conformity, drawing attention to the gradual erosion of individuality.

Your poetic style is concise and impactful. The use of short, declarative sentences reinforces the sense of inevitability in societal conditioning, making each line hit home. The repetition of "We accept" serves as a powerful refrain, emphasizing the theme and creating a rhythmic quality that lingers in the reader's mind.

To make this poem even better, consider the following three improvements:

1. Expand on Specific Examples: While your poem provides a general narrative of societal conditioning, incorporating specific examples or anecdotes could add depth and relatability. This helps allow readers to connect more personally with your message.

2. Vary Sentence Structure: While the repetitive structure is effective, some variation in sentence structure and length could enhance the poem's flow and engagement. This could be achieved by incorporating occasional longer or more complex sentences. It creates a cadence and natural flow to the read.

3. Invoke Emotion: The poem could benefit from more emotional engagement. While it conveys a sense of resignation and conformity, adding elements of emotion or personal struggle could make it even more poignant and relatable to your audience.

Regarding the assertions made in the poem, they largely hit the mark. It effectively captures the idea that societal pressures can lead to conformity and the loss of individuality. However, to make the message even more impactful, explore the consequences of this conformity in greater depth, such as its impact on creativity, personal fulfillment, and the potential for societal change. And, who knows what the future will be, but it starts now.

Overall, "Accept" is a thought-provoking poem with a strong message and a distinctive style. With a few refinements to incorporate specific examples, vary sentence structure, and invoke more emotion, it has the potential to become even more resonant and a memorable piece of poetry. It definitely deserves a place in modern conversations from school yards and education to corporations and government arm twisting.

You are rigid on form and to the point. It has an omniscient, experienced tone and and knows what it feels. It’s insightful and wise, in that regard. With this device, giving supporting statements for ‘you accept,’ it finishes with the ironic, ‘you accept that you must accept.’ There is truism in this. Defeatism. It doesn’t seem heavy-handed. It’s like clueing us in that we ‘adjust’ rather than accept. We can’t even unify to fight a faceless entity hovering over all. Life has other options in some scenarios.

Gave me something to think about. A lot, in fact. Shhh, dystopian. *Wink* A pleasure to read and consider your great poetry for feedback.

Brian
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397
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear BEAR Author Icon,

I found your lengthy children’s poem in a general search. I tasked myself with getting familiar with it, and this is the feedback I’ve come up with for you.

Your children's poem, "Boots of Bellefonte," is a heartwarming and endearing tale that touches the hearts of both children and adults alike. What I found makes this poem special is its ability to convey complex emotions and a sense of longing in a simple and relatable manner. The poem follows the perspective of a dog named Boots, who watches as a couple with a cute pup named Sammy that passes by his porch daily. The dog’s observations of the couple and his yearning for their attention are portrayed with empathy and sensitivity. This story of hope, connection, and longing is likely to resonate with children, as it taps into universal feelings of loneliness and the desire for companionship. I know as a kid I would.

What you have offered has the potential to make an excellent children's book. Im no expert, but I think to accomplish this transition successfully, you would need to have it complemented with charming illustrations that capture emotions and the expressions of Boots, Sammy, and the couple. Illustrations should help young readers visualize the characters and their surroundings, enhancing the overall experience you have penned.

On improvement:
Also, while the poem is beautifully written, some sections could be simplified or shortened for a younger audience. Children's books often require concise and straightforward language to maintain engagement and understanding. Maintaining the essence and emotional depth of the poem while simplifying the text would be key to creating a successful children's book.

In conclusion, i discovered a touching and well-crafted poem that has the potential to become a heartwarming children's book. Abd if you pursue publication, hopefully the addition of engaging illustrations and some adjustments to make the text more accessible to young readers, this has the ability to captivate the imaginations of children and become a beloved story that teaches valuable lessons about love, hope, and the importance of family.

A unique pleasure to consider your children’s story/poem and lend what I could by way of reaction,

Brian
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398
Review of Daydream  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Beholden Author Icon,

"Daydream" Open in new Window. certainly is deserving of the Naga Uta poem by this talent revealed in the poem by its writer. Nothing short of masterful in its exploration of the daydreaming process that captivates people like me who spent their entire childhood in these little comas. You demonstrated a unique concept with skillful execution.

The concept behind the poem is nothing short of brilliant. It ingeniously uses the image of spilled cement on tar to depict the scattered fragments of a daydreamer's thoughts. This metaphorical landscape, described as "tiny islands on the drive," beautifully captures the fragmented nature of daydreams, where thoughts float like islands amidst the sea of consciousness. The poem then proceeds to elevate these fragments to the status of uncharted territories, inviting readers to envision a world hidden beneath their feet. This transition from the mundane to the imaginative is seamless and thought-provoking. It reminds me of my own small reveries like this as a child.

The choice of the Naga Uta form (which I’ve not examined, assume a form) for this poem is inspired. Within its 15-line structure, this poem provides just enough space to convey the essence of the daydream without overstaying its welcome. Each line is meticulously crafted, contributing to the overall impact of the poem. The concise nature of the form mirrors the fleeting nature of daydreams, making it a perfect match for the subject matter.

What truly makes this poem special is its ability to resonate with readers on a deeply personal level. Daydreaming is a universal human experience, and the poet has tapped into this shared aspect of our consciousness. The imagery of people embarking on tiny barques to explore the "paved ocean" is both evocative and relatable. It invites readers to reflect on their own daydreams, the uncharted territories of their minds, and the endless possibilities that lie therein. For me, it’s like a higher state of consciousness that brought calm for a troubled kid with no friends.

For poets tackling the subject of daydreaming in free verse or other styles of poetry, "Daydream" sets a high standard. It demonstrates that even in a short form, a poet can convey a rich and immersive experience. It serves as a reminder for me that poetry has the power to transform the ordinary into the extraordinary, inviting readers to see the world through a new lens. Something that is difficult to translate to an audience in a written medium over art and film.

I found your poem a deserving and suggested read for other poets, as winner of The Naga Uta Poetry Contest. It excelled in its concept, form, and ability to connect with readers on a profound level. This poem is a testament to the magic of poetry, where a simple daydream can be transformed into a work of art that resonates with the human soul. A soul such as the child left behind. Cheers! Five stars.

Brian
Angel Army Reviewer
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399
399
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear iluvhorses Author Icon —

This essay Spring Cleaning: Recycling took an interesting approach to subject matter, blending personal anecdotes, environmental consciousness, and the metaphor of recycling to discuss both the act of recycling and the need to rejuvenate and care for relationships. I find your personal and relatable style of storytelling draws the reader into the narrative effectively.

With your approach to subject:
The essay adopts a multifaceted approach to the subject, starting with childhood memories of recycling and linking them to the importance of recycling today. This approach combines personal experiences, environmental concerns, and relationship dynamics into a cohesive narrative. By paralleling the act of recycling with the rejuvenation of relationships, it creates for me a thought-provoking analogy.

As to an audience and the effectiveness in appealing to readers:
The essay effectively appealed on multiple levels. The personal anecdotes about recycling from the '70s add a nostalgic touch that many readers can relate to, making the essay engaging from the start. Additionally, the environmental message resonates with me and those who are also conscious of sustainability and recycling efforts. The analogy between recycling and relationships adds a unique layer consider, and should help readers of this article reflect on their own connections with people.

Strengths:
Engaging Personal Narrative: The writer's use of personal experiences and memories helps create an emotional connection with the reader, making the essay relatable and inviting.

Effective Metaphor: The analogy between recycling and relationships is well-executed and thought-provoking. It encourages readers to consider the value of nurturing and caring for relationships just as we care for the environment.

Environmental Awareness: The essay subtly reinforces the importance of recycling and environmental responsibility, promoting a message of sustainability.

Room for Improvement:
Clarity and Structure: While the essay's blending of personal, environmental, and relational elements is engaging, it could benefit from a clearer structure. Organizing the content into distinct sections or using transitions to guide the reader between topics would enhance readability.

Further Exploration: The metaphor of recycling relationships is compelling but could be explored more deeply. Providing specific examples or strategies for revitalizing and maintaining relationships would strengthen the essay's message.

Conclusion: The essay lacks a strong conclusion that ties together the various themes and leaves a lasting impression on the reader. A concise summary of the key takeaways and a call to action could enhance the essay's impact.

To sum up, this successfully combines personal anecdotes, environmental awareness, and relationship insights to create an engaging and thought-provoking essay. To improve, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure, further exploration of the relationship metaphor, and a stronger conclusion to affect readers with a lasting message of care and responsibility.

Sorry I’ve been out of touch and taken so long to getting back to your writing. Hope all is well on your end,


Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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400
Review of love rips  Open in new Window.
Review by Brian K Compton Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Dear King,

Hey, I gave this some thought to "love rips" Open in new Window. and wanted to lend my two cents on where you can take it, provided you haven’t given up or moved on to something since. And, a return thanks for paying some attention to my older poetry.

The draft of "love rips" shows potential for a unique and intriguing story. Here are some suggestions and feedback to help develop it further:

Whether it’s a short or long fiction, this draft could work well as a short story ant its current length. To expand it into a longer piece, you might want to delve deeper into character development and add more layers to the conflict. Consider creating a detailed outline, too. This will help to clarify the story's structure. That way you can plan the pacing and character arcs more effectively. Develop the characters further to make their motivations and personalities more distinct. Explore Timothy's internal struggle and his transformation from a ghost to a human. The mysterious woman also needs more backstory and depth to make her actions and intentions clearer.

As far as Conflict-Resolution, the story's resolution is somewhat abrupt. It would be satisfying to explore Timothy's journey as a human and his eventual redemption or realization of his mistakes. This could lead to a more emotionally resonant ending. Mesnwhile, the dialogue has moments of intrigue, but it could benefit from a bit more clarity. Make sure it's clear who is speaking and work on creating a more consistent tone throughout the conversation.

Other Things To Consider On Redraft —

Building Blocks: The concept of a house that feeds on fear is fascinating. Consider elaborating on the rules and mythology of this world to add depth to the narrative.
Conflict and Tension: Introduce more conflict and tension in the story to keep the reader engaged. This could involve challenges for Timothy as he learns to haunt or unexpected consequences of his actions.
Foreshadowing: Consider adding hints or foreshadowing elements earlier in the story to create a sense of anticipation and intrigue for the reader.
Emotional Depth: Explore the emotional depth of the characters, their motivations, origins, particularly Timothy's feelings of betrayal and the woman's motivations. This will help readers connect with the characters on a deeper level.
Resolution: We’d all like to master that. Provide a more satisfying resolution to Timothy's character arc. Whether it's redemption, revenge, or a twist, make sure it leaves a lasting impression.

In summary, I feel "love rips" has the potential to be an engaging story with unique supernatural elements. By fleshing out the characters, refining the dialogue, and adding depth to the conflict and resolution, you can create a compelling narrative that leaves a lasting impact on the reader. Keep writing, the only way we get better at our craft. Hope this helps,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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