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Review Style
True algorithm ia in response from the reviewed. Honed craft over 17 years. I see the good, with an eye to potential. Will never be/play authority of someone else’s words. That’s left to the master of the work. The artist has the vision; I just react/review, illuminate a fuller perspective to overcome challenges faced with those words. I see responses my reviews as affirming. *has references*
 
To see how I review, my feedback is public. Reviews can be set up through email. This page is limiting. *Smile* I accept review credits if I deserve rank. I accept merit badges as recognition, to be earned not bought…my opinion. I buy to support friends to maintain my shadowed equivalency, not pad. I have low vision, ADHD. it’s tripped me up. I dust off, get back in the game.
I'm good at...
Poetry, psychoanalysis. Ideas and notions on publishing process. I encourage writers with my reviews, look for strengths and give direction on how to make something better. I continue to correspond those who approach, when more to offer. I see what drives, use experience and the overarching mind, connect where each individual’s art derives. Hope to opine where it could take them with their craft. Like to believe, sometimes, before the writer knows themself.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, epiphany, emotional, drama, human interest, science, conspiracy, dystopian, fatalistic, speculative. Not cookie cutter fantasy realms or choose your adventure. Action/adventure. Unique, surprise.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, fan fiction, some fantasy and sci-fi, or anything Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones-ish.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
I will not review...
I’m happy receive an email to discuss first. I set this to receive 9k. WDC gets the rest. No page here I know of to collectively or categorically see, compare reviewers for hire. That might be a worthy tool.
Public Reviews
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear hayley-marie ,

I found this story "So I threw myself down the mountain...."  interesting and insightful about skiing and the human psyche. I felt a connection with the author and how it feels either as a first time skier or a first time anything. So many titles could describe this piece. How I did a plow. How I saved a life while skiing. Why I’ll never ski again.

The outcome of this “article“ is sad but true about how we feel about ourselves, when we don’t give ourselves a chance to make mistakes and overcoming them. From what I gather, this was written the day after the incident. I believe in retrospect, she should ski again. It will get better with time. Small children being in the way while partly your responsibility, it’s more the responsibility of the parents. You were put in danger by a child who should not have been in a position to get hurt.

Grammatically and spelling this was a pretty tight article. I think I only found one sentence toward the end that started with I and then my, just needed to edit out the first pronoun. This is a very good item to offer a publisher for self-help or personal experience articles, with some editing in regards to it ending. I think the author just needed a little retrospection before finalizing this piece because feel would be different. I like that this was emotionally traumatic. But given retrospect, Bess might not have played so dramatically. And it would help a reader understand the pitfalls and what you can overcome to achieve. I think the pinnacle moment being when she finally performs snow pile correctly. And one realizes that when we need to do at the most fear through seeing a deadline of some sort that we are thrust upon to achieve and succeed.

I thought this to be very engaging. I liked the beginning and how it offers up what skiers are like in this French village at this resort. How there is a class division not just about wealth, but about ski experience. Such good detail and description. I felt the connection instantly to scene and to author. This is really a short story, even if it is true. It is the type of material with a unique insight that few authors can offer to readers. It was a pleasure to consume and consider for feedback.

Brian
SuperPower Reviewer

...For the Super Power Reviewers

Happy 22nd Birthday, Writing.Com


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277
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Rhyssa ,

I found this story "Invalid Item"  sets up well introducing a reader immediately to this unusual family situation/arrangement and the irony of being called a failure with all educational acumen. And we see the foreboding in the two sentences forming a single line about the main character regretting bringing the boyfriend.

The scenes move quickly, describing Peter could use a little more detail than a cross between a mad scientist and a football star. Perhaps, a descriptive attribute of each that causes the narrator to view Peter in this way. I think crazy hair with a lab coat and a thick body with thick neck. Put together, it made an odd image.

You set up Peter as this intelligent equal and learn that he becomes child-like with wonder for this family act. The way he winds up becoming one of them and forsaking his educated background and leading Josephina to dump him is an ironic twist. It was a weird ending which is comparable to this circus life.

How you describe this family and being so large, glomming on to her and boyfriend seemed charming, funny and how you would expect a circus family to behave. Like I said, it all moves fast. I think you could take sections and add detail with events that changed the course of things.

If I missed it, my bad, but why does she distance herself from them? It's family. Is it how she sees them being disappointed in her or just that there is nothing in common? This tumbling bit and joining an act and sticking around longer to jibe. If she dumps him over this while not agreeing to get out of their sooner, why did it take so long?

I think those are good questions to ask to develop a character's motivation. In part, developing scenes to see this transition play out in a story that takes2-3,000 words might give this the detail and context it needs to really pull a reader in and see how events transition. Maybe, get a little bit about his family, at least the mother with the baby photos. That could also show he's sort of a child, not grown up. Because Josephina feels a need to apologize for dumping him.

Ending line, never trust a clown sounds good. I think with a little more setup, it could really send a message. Perhaps, early on, Josephina leaves the family for a better life because she trusted a clown, or something like that. Perhaps, a second or third character focus on Fianche and how things unravel because of his trickery.

I like the ending and opening best and I think this reads pretty straight forward. It has a lot of potential for being unique, a bit quirky (could be quirkier) and the irony that plays out.

It was a pleasure to read and consider this story, Thanks!

Brian
Super Power Reviewer
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Review of Osteoarthritis  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


*Rainbowl*THIS IS A REVIEW FROM He’s Brian K Compton on behalf of Super Power Reviewers

*Poseyp**Poseyp**Poseyp*
I can relate to this poem and how you depict arthritis, as with knees. Both of mine are considered arthritic and I stay active with sports. Here, you have a person who is pushing through the pain, especially in the winter months. It give me some notions on notes to possibly improve.

Winter has drier air. And of course, humidity aids these arthritic joints. Also, this poem approaches a situation where the narrator begrudges being limited, unable to take walks, hobbles, pushes through pain to get the necessary chores done. All relatable. It sounds like this person does not consider things to aid osteoarthritis to improve movement.

Might be an opportunity to introduce salves, medications, hot soaks and natural remedies like glucosamine to help the suffering. How this relates in poem would be the question. You have the narrator be naïve to these options with the current focus. Perhaps, when relating how this pain is similar to the discovery in the last verse, it sets up well. In fact, it's surprising. So much, it makes me want to realize if more can be made of that drama.

Reasons for not taking brisk walks again: no one to walk with.
Night chores not getting done, being done before coffee: dealing with the loneliness, staying up late, out of routine. It could be considered we self-punish, don't seek remedy. Remain in constant pain because we are conditioned by the one who left.

There's no foreboding for the 'gone' person. Foreboding could be in words that imply death, or in words that imply loneliness, or even abandonment, rejection. However, the poet attempts to convey, I think you can give the reader a chance to read through again and catch some clues. Give the poem a bit fuller meaning.

There is potential in this poem. I can relate to being the hobbled one who over-did it or is not putting in the work to keep body in shape, protect knees with a brace, orthopedic shoes, etc. Every little bit of detail you put in there like that could add to descriptiveness in poem.

I really enjoyed this. It was a pleasure to read and lend feedback,

Brian
Super Power reviewer
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Review of Questions  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Simicée Desert

This poem "Questions "  reminds that life is hard. And we have dreams and aspirations and we can never get them in a direct path toward the goals we desire to accomplish. I feel your poem reveal to me how we feel when we are subverted somehow and cannot claim what we seek. And the resulting feelings that one gets — of hopelessness and wanting to give up, which is not unusual. These are the types of things that happen to people change their direction or course in life because they cannot get what they hope to obtain.

To the use of the word “limbos” as to the excerpted line with “limbos made of ice,” I was intrigued. I had to look up the meaning of the word, while wondering if you meant limbs. And as I read the definition, as used as an expression, I got a fuller meeting within context to your poem. Perhaps, like visual imagery. It works on multiple levels because you could be thinking about limbs that are frozen while stuck in this indecisive moment, situation. I like words like this that placed correctly lend more to an expression, message or a feeling the poets shares to illuminate the mind of a reader. Great word usage without being over done.

The second verse of your poem in the last two lines could use some tweaking to help the verb and express direct the poets intent, which is not lost, but written slightly awkwardly. The smoother, the better so a reader does not stumble and have to think how to adjust to correctly state what you offer in your message.

‘But whenever the writing decision pop out,’ (decisions or pop needs plural)
‘Ideas crossed each other in an unintelligible jigsaw of thoughts.’ (cross instead of crossed?)

Like sound of ‘in an unintelligible’ in-an-un lends a physicality to the language, a stutter step dance where sounds are played with.

It’s almost existential, isn’t it? When I think about it, I can relate. And I might even assume that this is someone who struggles with ADHD, or is somewhere on the spectrum where they can get flooded with all kinds of emotions and ideas, pulled in all different directions at the same time. This poem tries to sort it out and questions go beyond the current struggle but look ahead to where this is all leading them. We question life, question purpose and ask, perhaps ourselves, what are we going to do? It sounds like a person who does not have a direction to go to find answers, mired in doubt and these feelings of their is no way to uncloak the mystery of how our brains continually process without allowing finality, some relief with a decision.

It makes me think of all or nothing thinking. People who struggle with black-and-white, are uncomfortable wading through the gray areas of life. But that’s where life is actually more beautiful. And you can accept that no matter the choice, more doors open up. And you can fail and keep going. This all or nothing thinking creates anxiety when nearing that wall, as if hitting a dead end is like dying, when actuality we break through it. We don’t realize that nothing governs our successes or failures but ourselves. Living life without a bet is scary.

So, that is what I drew from this beautifully depicted and insightful poem, opening from the heart and soul of a writer seeking answers, seeking relief. It reminds life isn’t easy, but going with the flow as far as you can take it will offer rewards.

Nicely done,

Brian
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Review of Rest  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear iluvhorses ,

I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to come back around to reading you and offering feedback, as we talked of long ago. This website has a way of getting me spun around and chasing in many directions, forgetting starting points. I’ve learned since, my mystery is revealed as undiagnosed ADHD, which I’m being treated for. My organization and time management still needs work as I go through a process to correct errors of past to focus on details in front of me every minute of my life. Maybe, this is me making amends, rebuilding bridges, or just getting over a phobia of reviewing. Here’s what I have to offer by way of insight:

I love that you’re dabbling in free verse poetry. The freedom to express oneself in this form and what you have written make me realize you have taken away some key or essential parts of the Freeverse process. Here’s what I’m noticing…

A centered poem with short lines and repeated emphasis on a word that drives this vehicle are tenants of a free verse style with form and function to capture a readers attention, such as mine. My biggest fear when I do this is that I don’t sound too tired or repetitive. And I think I can suggest some options to punctuate your message while changing very little to get more out of this formula.

You have alliteration heavily at work and this is important because it shows the narrator truly is tired but underlying that struggling with rest the key emphasis in the poem. It beautifully at some point it questions one’s own extensalism when you say ‘…the rest of what?…From what, to, or in, why?’ This speaks to me as someone who is wrestling with more than trying to get some sleep. I think it’s very important and essential to the poem to leave some mystery about that. You could be exposing an obsessive compulsive nature that doesn’t know how to correct itself.

‘Resist rest?
Rest less
Lacking the rest...
the rest
of what?’

Those lines might cause questions like did you mean ‘restless’ versus ‘rest less’. Or, in some underlying way, suggesting both. In that case, breaking up the word is some thing a free verse poem that we do, a quick reference, the red wheelbarrow. Where the author chooses to break up wheel from borrow and rain from water, by using line breaks for extra emphasis and focus on the meaning of the heaviest words. Just something I’m throwing out there if you want to consider restructuring linebreaks because they are one of the key tenants of a free verse poem.

Here, you’ve done it again with “rest“ and “full“. Perhaps, line breaks aren’t necessary to emphasize restful versus rest and full.

‘Embrace rest.
Rest full,
replete in rest.
Accept rest.’

Skipping all the way to the final two lines that punctuate your poem. Always good to have a summary of what we just read and imposing by intoning the intent of your offering. The words “just breathe“ speak directly back to the narrator. It makes me feel I’ve been listening in to someone’s psychobabble or just under a lot of stress trying to give them self a peptalk, or to help them focus on how they are going to achieve this needed rest.

‘Just breathe
in Rest.’

I will point out in that line, now just going back to it and noticing, you did break up breathe and in on separate lines where it could function together and apart. It brings to question how you’ve chosen to punctuate and not punctuate in certain places in this poem.

But I digrass and getting back to what it was previously talking about…I’m reminded from yoga, as reader, the importance of getting your breathing right. And as a writer, we think how viewers will perceive these words. Beautifully, it doesn’t have to be how you intended. It becomes a shared perception through all of our experiences on an easily understandable topic.

Clearly you don’t give a reason for the lack of rest, giving us the conundrum that many face when trying to slow down life enough that we can physically and mentally heal. Really, you’re breaking it down to the simplest and most basic dilemma and that is knowing how to take a pause, inhale and give her mind a chance to catch up with whatever it’s been chasing.

You’re poem points out how difficult it is to truly be able to shut the brain off and just lock in to something healthful like rest.

I would improve the structure in the first verse with more emphasis on punctuation and how you emphasize words, because you have used punctuation properly throughout the remainder of poem. And only you know, especially when reading out loud, how are you would hear these words said. Some thing I do to help me is to copy the text and have it read bye Siri so I can hear a loud if a machine can get the pauses right so that I know I have put the emphasis where it needs to be. Just a tip.

Also, poetry devices can layer a free verse poem with extra meeting if you use these devices best. Senses are important to poetry. We got a psychological insight, but no sensory or tangible imagery. It’s not necessarily a problem, but if you can think of a way to tweak it with words that fit your theme and alliteration, you might be able to give the poem even more depth.

Just a few small suggestions that really are probably not necessary. I am learning as I continue to write poetry that each poem as a steppingstone to the next. I stop trying to hang my hat on the last poem I wrote and just look to the next. Probably why I only blog poetry now, because I am experiencing so much from the outside world that is affecting my inside world, forcing me to push forward the envelope of who I am and what I’m trying to figure out with my writing. It could be the same for you. It shows growth. I am impressed with what I’ve seen here today and I am so happy that I stumbled in and finally managed to give you feedback.

I’ll try to finish here and say thank you for sharing and I hope our paths cross again. Who knows where this addled, aging, ADHD brain is taking me. But, I do find myself running into old friends from time to time. Nice to catch up this way.

Brian
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Review of Come back  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Juliana Chu . I’m reviewing you as a member of Super Power Reviewers,

Wow, this is not your typical structure for a poem. I find the message direct and to the point. Obviously it speaks to someone that the narrator no longer can connect with. In essence, we are asking questions of oneself that want to be answered but can’t know the answer to. Sometimes, it’s just about regret and remorse. Could another outcome have played out?

There are some poignant questions in "Come back" . If you were to structure this in more of a straight line stanza format, you might be able to deliver those intimated feelings with a greater punch.

Starting from the open, I offer:

Here I am,
sitting on this bench. Solemnly wishing
to be with you again one day.
But it's passed,
and I'm here. Waiting, oh
waiting on you for the day.

When will I get the hope you portrayed?
Did you lie? Did you cheat?
Did you fumble? Just tell me.
Please, I'm waiting,
wishing upon that star.

If you won't come back,
I'll be waiting for you.
Wishing, waiting.
Ever so hopeful,
you'll come back one day.

The part about hope, I think is the climax of the poem for the narration before it ponders and then goes into summation.

I assume from my vantage, a reader needs to more clearly see those thoughts play out. Usually, when we ask a question, we pause between sentences to think about the answer, especially a narrator who is described in repose on this beach scene. You can help a reader feel their process, subtlety.

I had wondered at first about the common language. Restructuring the poem made me realize it’s importance. To get more connected, imagery and sensory are poetic tools that fill in what a reader could focus on when considering your great words, to intone its impact. The open mentions the beach…you have sand, surf, wildlife and human life, or lack thereof, that provoke this narration. Personally, I think hands touching warm sand sparks feelings, memories. It begs the question if this spot is significant in connection with the lost love? It could play a role.

Something more vivid, like imagery, and some other poetic devices help deliver the message more uniquely. In each verse, words can connect to the beach, covering senses of touch, hearing, smell, and visual to remembrances of taste? Each could weave through seamlessly, without interrupting the epiphanies like inner dialogue. Though, alone, possibly recited aloud.

To introduce lines, as I am feeling brown sand collect between my fingers… Or, in another stanza, something like, as seagulls drift and float away… Or, waves persistently heave and fall, crept back to turbulent surf at play… Obvious my words to illustrate how to introduce thought and put reader in scene. And don’t let all these thoughts clutter your process when writing. I find purging what’s in my mind first to add and edit later helps me realize first what I feel and second what provokes it, and maybe third, how I can better reveal it to prying eyes who can connect and possibly respond to a writer, as we essentially grow and learn about ourselves in this way.

Deep down, each of us is programmed to be sentimental or nostalgic over time. Poems like yours intone the feelings that exist within, where we need a writer to express for us thoughts and feelings we struggle to capture to put into words. I applaud you for this poem and it’s expression that can strike the arrow in the heart of a subject we all, at one time or another, wrestle with. And, it lets you know, you are not alone, especially in this community where we share our words in hopes of finding a deeper meaning and connection to others in an otherwise lonely existence on the internet.

A pleasure to have read and given consideration to your writing,

Brian

...For the Super Power Reviewers


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Spring in my Sox ,

I like what you have done with this poem "wildflowers or weeds" , and inspires me to give feedback that might help you tweak it a little to give it even more flavor, if you should allow me to meddle in something that has inspired my feedback.

I see this poem is for contest and was looking for rules, seeing that there are few limitations on the poet from what you’ve listed. Wildflowers over the planted perennials and annuals are what inspire me most in in places where I might roam, driving down the highway (older, the better) or walking a forested trail to see them spring up serendipitously.

With your offering, you have highlighted some of the important aspects of a wildflower’s life, and how what grows allows them to flourish in difficult conditions, ironically, before our eyes. To consider your poem I’ll post it below to examine, since it is six lines of Freeverse flowing:


dandelions, clover, little purple flowers
they have petals and pollen
food for bees and for the eyes
random colors splashed across the lawn
adding technicolor gems among the dead dry grass
you don't need to water a weed...

What strikes me to begin with is you didn’t try to use flowery colors or font to temp the readers’ eye. A sound approach. We think of these weed flowers as ordinary, yet in youth and innocence, nostalgically loved. I’m fond of them in this regard. Wrote a poem about dandelions once remarking how I tried to pick them all before my dad could mow them, and give to my mom as a bouquet. Your poem inspires these types of remembrances for readers.

A good approach to this is the line ‘random colors splash the lawn’ which could begin this piece, going from one flower to another. Dandelions with brief description, then clover described, then thoughts of active bees floating, hovering might be another approach to begin. I imagine the bees’ weight bowing and bouncing petals on stem. I also love ‘technicolor gems’ in that dry grass, reminds how inspiring such beauty in weed somehow thrives.

Just so much to consider with what you’ve captured visually. I’m intrigued by this write and it’s simplicity and approach. A very worthy write that I thank you for sharing. Best of luck!

Brian

Super Power Reviewer

...For the Super Power Reviewers


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Review of Snowflakes  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
...For the Super Power Reviewers
Dear Sahara Rose (51) *FolderBL*,

I love the beauty and simplicity of haiku. But, in few words a poet can only say so much. It’s an opportunity to join words with words that compound and amplify in haiku that can drive home the author’s message. I was pleased by the potential of this poem, entitled "Snowflakes" .

Nature is primarily what a haiku designed to address. You have done well to set tone and theme with the afforded and restrictive 17 syllables. When I discovered this I was pleased and applaud the chosen topic. It gave me pause to wonder with desire to pry what the poet hopes to convey in this short form, hoping for something insightful, inspired, with uniquity.

Snowflakes

I watch the snow fall
Down, down, to the ground it drops
Coldness numbs my nose

I’m reminded of a few thing when I read Snowflakes. One, is voice. When one writes, it is already in narrative format because it is depicting. In haiku, a short form, removing onseelf from text allows more latitude to create and shape message, a chance for the reader to directly connnect to what is shared, giving them voice of their own as they read.

Removing ‘I watch’ from outset can get you directly to verbs and action that grab a reader, such as starting with ‘Snowfall…’ I liked the down, down because it invokes action but can have double meaning like downy, as in cotton or pollen floating, also white, beautiful, drifting, heaven sent matter. I feel suggesting rather than directly telling, being indirect, can allow you to show your beautiful vision.

Ultimately, your take away is coldness, which you could shorten to cold. Given visual and feel with imagery, there might be a logical order of discovery for the events depicted in the haiku. Here is where I will interfere and take your words and what I assume to be the meaning of your message to show you a different approach to a similar haiku about snowflakes.

Downy snowflakes float
Wet a numb nose as lips taste
Light clumps inhaled

Or something like that. Just one of many suggestions to use sensory. Inhaled not my best depiction. Something about the smell of air during this event could be worked in there.

Your haiku was fun to consider, filled with inspiring possibility. It teaches a writer the importance of economy of words. Sometimes, if you redact unnecessary words from poems, haikus could appear in this way.
An old tried and true method of learning through improved reading is called SQR3, I believe. It has people highlighting the most impactful words from passages of text. It’s a method that repeats in process until you have boiled down to core words. It teaches a reader to focus on words of emphasis to come away with those kernels of knowledge.
It also works for writing.

It was pleasure to read and consider this offering, as always,

Brian KC
Super Power Reviewer


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Review of Salad Days  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A review about a poem that is about salad that represents the universe and our shared humanity....

It's always interesting to consider existential, especially in the construct of a poem using lettuce as the visual construct to something abstract. It's a short poem and it boggles my less educated brain just a bit to reach a fuller understanding. The images at work in this poem leave me wonder the poet's intent, especially with that salad dangling off the fork.

Perhaps, it's too obtuse to me wonder what the salad is visualized like a snake when the construct is what is being discussed about the universe. I cannot discern what cracks a universe, but the demonstrative fork could have been a clue, yet I didn't draw a connection. And then, there's the dressing, Thousand Island. I don't know how the dressing got it's name. Not going to google, at this point. I think it's more about the reference to how Pangea cracked apart on earth and created all the bodies of water. Or is it?

It seemed the ending was to be the obvious conclusion to this poem that reads more like an inside joke, or something share with those in the know about big bang theories and where we all come from. However, I can't know what that might be or what has been proposed by science, because it is still searching for answers. So, this poem, in essence is a demonstration of theorem that I'm not educated enough to comprehend. I was hoping I could at least crack this poem. It's all Pangea to me now.

Consistent metaphors help a poem illustrate the points a writer wants to make. If the salad is a good metaphor, I don't know at this point. I know it is red like cabbage, though I would not imagine it sliced to look like a snake. Perhaps, it needed a bit more discovery in the length of this work to divulge what the two are sharing at lunch with that salad.

I do go back to the description line and note the poet has described this as an existential moment. I think the topic being discussed can lead a reader there. About how small and insignificant we all feel about how our origins began and how we could possibly exist, boiled down to a single metaphor I could not make out. It feels clever, had elements that intrigued and made me feel I could have been at the same lunch table.

It was a pleasure to read and consider this poem for feedback.

Brian

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Kåre Enga in Udon Thani --

Looks like you created this in a day? Cubby said she convinced some to supply last minute entries for the contest. "A map to Hellenbach"  has a nice hook. It definitely is very short and not the sort of first chapter you would see setting out in a novel. Though, it might suffice for shorter fiction. The end does grab a reader, knowing an adventure is about to begin. But, because it takes a lot of time to develop a first chapter, there is so much detail that could be added to get us to the motivation ending this first chapter.

I just look at that first line:
'I was helping my friend clean out the attic.'

Your first chapter could start innocuously, describing in detail little idiosyncrasies about this narrator. Anything from how they were feeling, what that attic looked like, the things they were picking up, putting down and how that all made them feel. There could be a sub storyline about things they'd rather do, could be doing before even mentioning what they are doing or where they are. Let the intelligent reader form depictions rather than deliver that line before finally concluding things about plot, setting, characters, etc. Would be a great way to introduce characters, attitudes, motivation, etc. by meting this out Why are they cleaning the attic? I could look back to see if that was mentioned. But, my whole point might be about approach to hooking a reader in that open. Definitely use the sensory. I think dark, dust, creepy and creaky among other things. The attic could be described. Some are small and not lit well and others are in old houses with windows and drop down staircase.

Just a bunch of thoughts I had, thinking about how you could fill this, hook a reader before revealing where you take this story. I think if it is short and direct like this, it could be meant for an adolescent audience. It could be a short story.

I like how you develop dialogue and how it helps drive a story, without needing attribution to note who's speaking or how they emote, because you can read it in the chosen words. The narrator is not as likeable as the other character, seems brash, insensitive? This actually can be good in a story where the voice driving the story is learning something, learning about themselves, evolving. Sometimes, we can relate to being the indifferent or skeptical one.

Overall, a good story for short work. It was a pleasure to read and lend comment.

Brian
Chapter One Judge

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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Laura Ellen Carr --

This story makes me wonder what I would do if I suddenly awoke from a head injury to find that I've time traveled. There are many questions for me as a reader that wonder about the approach to story and what the design of this will ultimately reveal.

I think the narrator of this story needs to have more of a shocked reaction rather than assuming the map is magic. There is some good detail about differences from that era to the current in how characters would present themselves to others from another era. The scenes and dialogue move along well. You seem to be getting a sense of the order of events until this first chapter assumes a lot of things moving forward that could be meted out for the next chapter.

I would think you could take your time with just the awakening and getting a handle on this situation before making decisions about what to do. This person should be in a quandary, befuddled. Someone who assumes maps are magic is a bit too gullible. I might suggest presenting some evidence and detail before the enlightening or coming to a wild conclusion like that about the map. Perhaps, the map reveals some unusual attributes, something supernatural about it that give an inkling? Or did I miss something?

I would think he'd need to be more distrusting and also unwelcomed by these people, especially getting friendly with the pretty lady who might be promised to someone. A hotty like that has a beau, suitors, something, though the name thing seemed dead on.

People of this era might be distrusting of his odd nature, to the point willing to imprison or eliminate him. Though, he is injured. It's nice that you show they are trusting and caring, which is normal to assist someone with an injury. With a large group, there's always that one person who is keeping an eye on that time traveler, who's other conundrum is whether to reveal how he got there.

I'm not a time travel guy, as fiction goes, because it's so implausible. Fun to think about. But, everyone has ruined it for me that I cannot suspend disbelief for it. But, I'll still watch 'Back To The Future' any day. That means to say, have something very special about this story that hooks someone who can look past time travel and have it be about that map, which really doesn't get much introduction yet. It's actually your title character, if you think about it. I'd be coy with it, give it unique characteristics, tease a reader to pry and wonder where this mystery you are building is taking us.

It was a pleasure to read and consider your entry for the Chapter One contest,

Brian

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287
287
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey there, Spring in my Sox --

Oh, wow! Look at that, I get to review you now as a judge for the Chapter One contest. It's a pleasure to read your work and offer my feedback. My process might not be to judge, as much as offer some reaction, insight, maybe anything that might help, should you develop this further.

Did you write this just before the deadline? Cubby said some people had, noted a couple of others entered last minute, and was nice to have more entries to consider. As a first chapter goes, this is short.

Dark, I like. The voice, the conundrum, this curse and how to navigate are all good tools to setting up story. I liked the opening narrative and trying to decide how I feel about the order of things. It made me wonder if Darcy is cursed with seeing death a lot. I have not witnessed a death in person. And if this is part of her curse, if people like Brian start think she's bad luck or worse? So, something tragic like this skateboarder incident, knowing it's about to happen makes me think about how you have set this up for more death.

You developed a very strong voice and character. Maybe, foreboding a bit more would help with scene. It seems to jump right to it. Did I miss something? What was the wool? Place is important to me, because I'm not sure how wool and the skateboarder help me understand setting.

I think there is potential with your character and the map marking their fate. Would the story look for a loophole, like cheating death? Darcy's powers, insights are intriguing, able to take away pain from Brian, able to foresee what will happen and not stop it from happening, knowing death could want something else, including Brian.

I found this intriguing and very dark, which I enjoyed. I like people who are traumatized, who deserve a better fate, to be redeemed. But, I also understand how a character can be appreciated by readers/fans for suffering and moving through this kind of life, because people can relate.

It was a pleasure to read and give mostly reaction to this, as I am sure I am not qualified to add much suggestion to someone who deals with this type of dark genre. I can only read or watch, and appreciate, rather than create something with such insight and great detail. Thanks for entering,

Brian
Chapter One Judge

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Review of FALLING  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an interesting dream and it is based on your subconscious observations and ritual with religion that add unique perspective within a dream that might be trying to tell your conscious mind something. Though, dreams don't work that way, the brain might have noticed something that maybe you are subconsciously aware of.

It seems you've observed the different types of people in a congregational setting and/or in your community and/or the world as you might call it. Jesus is the foundation is a good measuring tool for your dream, because it give us something to equate with the dream's happenings.

It's been said that fewer people believe in God or go to church and those who do are not practicing religion correctly, by the book, so to speak. What you share here speaks to me on that level and perhaps you are a first hand witness to the behaviors of those around you, or have a perception of what is breaking apart the church, and it seems to be starting at the foundation.

What's interesting is you describe a domino reaction in this falling and the directions it can go where the structure is collapsing. Unique within this dream at those that stay put and how you respond to this in your awakening by writing it down and perhaps you've considered that these are the devout and not the fearful. I believe when panic strikes, most people act or act out causing the pandemonium you describe. If we are trust the teachings of the religion you practice, for Christianity, believing and having faith might be central to that fall out.

If I were to interpret further, foolishly believing what you might have dreamt as some sort of realization that is yours and not mine, this is your awakening about the fallout from the downfall of Christianity, maybe here in America, but in many places abroad.


Brian
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Review of Bobby [162]  
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I can imagine this story being a girl with imaginary friends who come back to play during another troublesome time in her life. On first read through, it might be a children's story with yet to be determined adult elements, like a coming of age story. It intrigues with the missing years and why the boys went missing and why they are back. It teases just enough, gives us a brief introduction to story but doesn't go into much character detail.

It reminds of Stephen King novel/movie, Stand By Me. Maybe, finding the kitten part made me think it could have been dead. We experience death more than we care to admit in these stories of childhood, how we gloss over it, have nightmares about it and what we learn from it. This was not about that, but coming of age stories show us scenes that affect characters in a way that makes them change and develop in a story, what sets them apart from other characters, protagonists and antagonists, and also reveals a part of us, the discerning reader.

A pleasure,

Brian
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290
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Young Writer,

There is such awesome wonder to behold a child's poem and what they innocently pay attention having very little vanity but a lot of joy that seems to evaporate as we get older and replaced by these filters that can deflect rather than hold in the beauty that abounds. This poem reminds me how innocence can be so appreciated when talking about the Fall season and from a child's vantage what that inspires, like Halloween and candy.

This particular poet has a fondness for friends and togetherness and how Fall isn't like adults think, death and renewal, but being in the moment and cherishing all that is right there in front of us. The only thing missing is jumping in leaf piles. In this whimsy the poet uses colors and reminds the reader of taste, when applying senses, no doubt without trying.

What the poet may not have intended but is visualized by this reader is the tight lines that lend to a long poem, that has this feel of a tree with leaves falling fro it, like the thoughts and experiences shared.

I cannot imagine how you would talk to a young writer about this gift of a poem constructed to help them cultivate something from the experience, except to praise and encourage to write more. I see opportunities, but do not feel it necessary to critique further, only point out the successes unveiled in this piece. I would imagine if we knew the level of experience for each writer who produces a prize such as this, we could judge each accordingly. I hold myself to a much higher standard and can sound like I'm talking down to others when really I'm just showing my interest in their words and how they affect me as a person who crafts words into readable things. So, it would be nice if we had an even playing field to consider these works of joy with the proper filters to helping each writer succeed, if they choose writing as an expression of self.

Well done and I admire this poem for how it reminds being connected to our youth in this way can be charming and makes us adults take a keener perspective of where we are in our life and reposition our view of the horizon we face with little reminders like this poem.

Brian
WDC Super Power Reviewers

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291
291
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found some interesting descriptions and a portal to another time through the woman's eyes in this poem "To the brown-eyed girl" . There were some very interesting word choices and takes me back to a cartoon where Fred described Wilma's eyes as dinner plates. Here, we have shards of glass.

I had to think about that for a moment. When we choice our words, we have to see them for all of their meaning, rather than just how the eyes do look like something the narrator has seen before. To me, shards are shard and cut, painful and blood are thoughts that come to mind.

What i really liked was:

They are
Polished-brass portals through which
I step through.

And, I might assume you are still speaking of the chards, but brass implies door knobs or something entirely different now. If this had just been some smooth pottery with interesting flecks and striations held within, I can see walking through that portal without fear of life or limb, because of shards or metal.

The image of the eyes being like the sun and how it was described was also warm and inviting and especially good for an initial encounter. But, it also reminds me of what a poet laureate shared with me, preferring poetry that sticks with a central metaphor. A collection of metaphors distract from theme. Perhaps, you have two or more poems there when you break it apart and reconstruct this meeting with the old flame from different ways. They could be poems that interconnect, as if you are replaying this meet-up from each angle of thought and memory on some kind of a loop.

I was also distracted by the title and reading the opening line to say the eyes were not brown but amber like the sun. I was caught wondering why the misdirect. You don't want to have your reader asking questions right out of the gate. Give them a chance to get acclimated. I can't see a true purpose for saying it, unless you wanted to suggest how some light or trick played on the mind caused the eyes to transform into amber.

So much that is done well descriptively and emotively and how this transformation takes place for the narrator who can suddenly see another life. It's a movie moment, the cute meet, though she might be an unwitting participant. We don't get to know here. And, if she's not a willing participant, some might read and go, 'creepy.' Like opining secretly like this is a bad thing. Nothing overt or horrible about this, except the PCness of the world today ruining all the poet's fun to dream another life in some 'Sliding Doors' analogy.

It was a pleasure to read and consider this poem for feedback,

Brian

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Review of Nature's Lulluby  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I came here to read this short, nay, micro story "Nature's Lulluby"  that you remark is the first you've ever done. I felt you did pretty well, especially where description and narrative voice help a reader connect.

"Within the lake of leaves I sit, the trees that surround waving in a soft breeze."

First lines are the hook to get a reader and I see a small thing that could improve this. Separate into two sentences and really lean into verbs and descriptions like:

'With the lake of leave I sit. The surrounding trees wave in a soft breeze.'

I only have to wonder the need for present tense. It makes it active. Best when used for poetry. Narratively speaking like this, it's okay to go past tense.

Lovely imagery and connection to nature:

"I look upwards, at the ever blue open, and watch the patches of grey gently expand within the heavens."

I wonder about the mother in all of this, as I'm trying to figure out the characters and what the meaning of their togetherness listening to song in that scene. Is song literal, I wonder, as I'm trying to divine.

"My mind blank, I move to mothers side, listening to the music that winds it’s way through the sea of green."

This again is lovely, but her lullaby at the end not to be confused to what he is listening to here? Because in the next lines:

"Mother calls out, and we slip inside, watching as the first drop falls from the ashen blanket over the world."

Again, beautiful scene, but where is inside I have to wonder? And then I have come closer to realizing that this is a story about an animal, like a dog or wolf:

"With my pack, I settle for the winters eve with nothing but the bliss of nature’s song, her sweet lullaby resounding through my ears."

and then I rediscover her that is singing is Mother Nature, and I wonder if I have confused mother and son, with animal and pack avoiding a coming storm. This piece of literature you have provided is like foreboding of a storm that I didn't realize or see coming until I read through twice.

Short stories be like that. A reader will have time to catch stuff like that. Though, I recommend changing your categories to give a reader a little hint of what this is. It was fun considering this brilliant prose for feedback. I'm happy to have stumbled upon it. Write On!

Brian

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293
293
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
"The Chicken Hauler (A Limerick)"  was a very humorous limerick within the brevity of a situation, reading more like an adage, but about what? It's the five line variety where the first two lines rhyme with the last, a common staple I remember from when I was young.

It's remarkable to me how we can boil down the essence of life in this way. Just a man with a fresh bunch of chickens, I assume ro raise, before he falls on bad luck and crashes his uninsured truck. So, to pay for damages, and in need of a truck more than chickens, they get plucked instead of his wallet. One could further assume, he was already in debt because of the fowl he acquired, again, assumed to raise.

It is a clever vehicle and device and wonder if a person could use this as a formula to write a similar short limerick. Another vehicle with another payload and a similar result, just making sure it all rhymes. In fact, it's a short formula for life, when things happen in this way, we usually have one of two choices to make.

I really appreciate this poem and how it works on several levels. It was well devised and a read that will give you a smile, or a chuckle, if you're so inclined. I'm glad I stumbled upon this limerick while scanning the boards for some poetry to read and remark on tonight.

Brian

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294
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Review of Thinking of You  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a sweet and lightly structured poem in the way it drives on the title theme and gives a list of all the things a person might feel like or being doing when they are "Thinking of You" .

all lower case, except for the Title gives a reader some pause, because of how this person thinks of themself in relation to another. I don't know if it's what e.e. cummings had in mind, but it shows the awe one has for another by making them smaller in comparison to their love.

Three of the verses actually describe the distraction from the doing and felt that could be explored more. I was especially pleased by --

when i read
pages don't turn
thinking of you

A great connection with visual to imagine how we can suddenly lose thought in what we are doing and then return to that realization that we've been...thinking of you.

It's a charming, airy poem that really strikes at the sentiment of lovers all around. Makes me think of new love, puppy love or a new infatuation. It is really what I might imagine through the lens of a camera, rather than how it is truly depicted in reality. However, these feelings are real and do exist and well on display in your poem here.

It was a pleasure to read and consider your poetry for feedback tonight,

Brian

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295
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Review of Snowflake  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear cazmae ,

I discovered your poem "Snowflake"  while I was looking for haikus to read and possibly review this evening. And I was especially interested in the use of a snowflake in this structured poem.

I noted that you followed the construct correctly and found no errors, but maybe some opportunities. Especially in the second line where are you have two words: 'falling silently' that can be shortened to 'fall silent', giving you an opportunity to describe more with the two extra syllables. It helps to pack more imagery or color to your poem in this way. I'm writing haikus backwards and forwards in my head sometimes trying to get the richest, fullest flavor of language to lend to that theme.

I would also note that the singular snowflake *Snow5* teased in the title did not appear alone, which saddened me. I liked the notion of a lonely, solitary object *Snow2* being examined up close by the poet. We can use our special powers of perception to translate these fantastic images *Snow3* into emotive, expressive words that can impact someone who would pry to read. I think singular is the way to go. The sleet, meh, not so much.

The only other suggestion I would have is to use a verb other than "turn" that would bring more meaning to the final line, as the summation is supposed to be the most impactful in a haiku. Overall, I thought you handled the subject quite well and could just use a little tune-up to give it that extra little shine to make it special.

It was a pleasure to read and comments on your haiku.

Brian

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Review of Bleed  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I discovered this poem "Bleed"  on the reviewing pages, while looking for something of merit to give feedback upon, when I discovered this theme running through it. The poem strikes on a subject that I've been considering lately about the argument for emotional pain being more traumatic and long lasting than physical pain, for the most part. This poem vividly strikes on that theme.

What's visual here is the suggested desire to replace emotional pain by having one's heart ripped out. It's sad that people who struggle with depression, emotional upheaval, hurt themselves to distract themselves from similar agony. It's well expressed here. In essence, we want to be emotionless, like robots. I found this poem expressed these compulsive feelings all too well.

What you have crafted here is purely symbolic and we could not survive without a heart in reality, but what we feel is that organ making us behave uncontrollably, the way we feel when suffering from a relationship that struggles or fails. It's more synonymous with poetry like this. No one ever says rip my brain out, as it is the thing that regulates the irregular beating that gives us fits. Or the lungs, because our breathing is short and restricted when stomped by love. A poet might stop to consider these things. Perhaps, the brain is the source of an entire body's upheavel.

Every image of pain can be imagined in the way your poem describes. It is very real and emotive and very worthy of sharing for others who can relate. It was a pleasure to read and comment on your poetry.

Brian

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Review of Your Name  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this poem "Your Name"  to be sweet and heartfelt as a dedication to a lost mother. There was some interest in the two contrasting lines/stanzas and their separate meanings and how they pair to form a poem.

I enjoyed the expression of writing someone's name in the sky and having it windswept away. It's a very clear image that is expressive and emotional. It gives me this feeling of the futility of the act.

However, the second line seems to contradict the first be indicating that the name will be there forever, indelibly marked on the sky to stay. To me this means that it has more meaning to the person who is the writer who can visualize that name up there, perhaps the act of writing in the sky in the first two lines is a memory now. It means more to poet because of what it represents to them and how the act of skywriting shows their love, if not in vain, yet with true meaning and purpose.

I thought, maybe, the poem would be too short or not be enough to get the full appreciation of the sentiment, but felt it did hit its mark. I did struggle with the misspelled 'youre' that didn't need the 'E' and was not a contraction of you are. That would benefit the poem greatly if it were edited as such.

I did appreciate the sentimentality in honoring a woman and her life that their child wants to remember in a way that everybody can appreciate. We want to do something, feeling helpless, when we lose our parents -- to memorialize them in a way that's indelible. Because of this poem you have provided to the Internet. It cannot be wind swept here as far as I'm concerned.

It was a pleasure to read and comment on your poetry.

Brian

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298
298
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
When scouring the reviewing pages what got my attention was the title of this poem "The Revelance Of Meaning" , which made me wonder if it was a typo or if it was some slang or made up word that I hadn't heard of yet and I had to investigate. What I discovered is a poem that seems like nonsense, but felt if I could find that definition by googling the Internet I might get a handle on it and have a better understanding, and here's what I found:

"Revelance
Reveling in the fact that there it was always more to learn.
To know that you really don't know anything is true Revelance"

Even the definition of this made up word doesn't make much sense, in the urban dictionary, and I can only imagine how it might've been applied by someone who made it up. It doesn't seem to have any application anywhere on the Internet and quite possibly not even to this poem, leading me to believe that this is a typo.

So what is the relevance of a poem that starts out 'boom boom boom' and talks about destruction and who broke the baby by the end. I can only imagine it comes from a young mind who likes the sound of a collection of words in this free associative distribution of English into a freeverse poem structure.

Well I can't say that I had any real reaction to it, I think that the poem has a certain cachet that makes it interesting to consider, even if I can't really figure it out. It might make me want to read more poetry like this to see if collectively there is some sort of common denominator at play, perhaps a style or particular discipline how these words are performing.

Sometimes, we just have to read things within their context or know the person who has provided the piece, who probably has given it a public performance or two, even if at home or in school. But that is beside the point. It was just intriguing to consider and to do a little research and that is how we grow from what we read, and learn in response to lend feedback here in this community.

Thank you for testing the boundaries of my understanding and helping me grow as a reader and a writer; it was a pleasure to consider.

Brian

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299
299
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your poem "Trying to touch a star"  acts as an interesting revelation about how we as humans react to one another when trust is lost. This reads more like an adage that doesn't have a true poetic feel, but could be something that would be a meme on some Facebook page.

What I like about it is the honesty and what seems like a revelation after a failure as a human with someone else. It gives context or meaning by giving example of how hard it is to earn trust back by suggesting probably not at all because among us is ever going to be able to touch a star.

The poem speaks to experience and perhaps contextually is relevant but descriptively it doesn't give us much other than the metaphor. And if the writer were interested in doing some thing longer and more intense could describe the actual situation where they learned how easy it was to gain and to lose trust. And it doesn't even have to be about the actual act or acts, but about a scene and some images of what transpires between two humans that we can relate to.

I can only imagine eyes narrowing, or backs are turned, and people become silent. There are ways to describe what this is like for a reader to digest and appreciate because we've all been through it.

Of course, another route would be to become an astronaut in your poem to see if you can navigate space. But that might be too humorous and still won't result in a star touched. I guess that's why we all speak figuratively and forget that it's not actually real.

It was a pleasure to read and consider this poem for feedback.

Brian

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Review of Dear Anxiety  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Featured in Stormy's Poetry newsletter and found a poem with impactful words that could sing louder, clearer.

I like little gems like these to read and consider. I'm looking for the brightest moments and discovering how they shine. Your brief piece is clear and easy to understand. But, I thought, it could be even more concise.

Dear Anxiety
My short poem about anxiety

You pierce through my skin.
Poison me with your unwavering bane.
Contrive to dominate my own accord.
In this seemingly perpetual war zone, I am helpless.
There's no escape.

When I look it over I want to get right at the meat of this mini story, vignette or relation about this growing anxiety. What if:

Dear Anxiety,

you pierce my skin,
poison with unwavering bane,
contrive to dominate my accord.

A perpetual war zone; I'm helpless.
No escape.


Now, don't let me put words in your mouth. Just, some words can be inferred and something we can imply like 'my own accord' is just 'my accord'. In your poem you are personifying a part of you, a feeling. You are digging into the emotions, but as personification goes, not describing anxiety as something that does this to the narrator.

I think of Freddy Krueger getting inside people's dreams. If you could put a face to anxiety, what is it? What tools does it employ? These are good questions to ask yourself as a writer and poet to push down the walls to discover more about your ability to describe as you write and find a deeper connection to those feelings. This poem, though, stands well on its own.

Torment is a devil with a pitch fork, prodding someone to feel the flames of hell.
Loneliness is a child within a soul that huddles, afraid to come out.
Anxiety is _____________________.

If you feel like expanding on this theme of yours. You're off to a great start. You can settle for this, or push on. Perhaps, take this information to think about the next time you write, using personification. The next time you want to use a metaphor, or a simple simile.

It's why children think there are monsters under the bed. It's just their fears creating manifestations to excuse inability to sleep, feel safe.

Hope this helps. Great descriptions. Keep writing.

Brian
WDC SuperPower Reviewing Group

I make no claims to knowing all there is to poetry. Just very inspired by your poem.

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