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2,806 Public Reviews Given
3,474 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
True algorithm ia in response from the reviewed. Honed craft over 17 years. I see the good, with an eye to potential. Will never be/play authority of someone else’s words. That’s left to the master of the work. The artist has the vision; I just react/review, illuminate a fuller perspective to overcome challenges faced with those words. I see responses my reviews as affirming. *has references*
 
To see how I review, my feedback is public. Reviews can be set up through email. This page is limiting. *Smile* I accept review credits if I deserve rank. I accept merit badges as recognition, to be earned not bought…my opinion. I buy to support friends to maintain my shadowed equivalency, not pad. I have low vision, ADHD. it’s tripped me up. I dust off, get back in the game.
I'm good at...
Poetry, psychoanalysis. Ideas and notions on publishing process. I encourage writers with my reviews, look for strengths and give direction on how to make something better. I continue to correspond those who approach, when more to offer. I see what drives, use experience and the overarching mind, connect where each individual’s art derives. Hope to opine where it could take them with their craft. Like to believe, sometimes, before the writer knows themself.
Favorite Genres
nature, love, psychological, spiritual, inspirational, epiphany, emotional, drama, human interest, science, conspiracy, dystopian, fatalistic, speculative. Not cookie cutter fantasy realms or choose your adventure. Action/adventure. Unique, surprise.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, fan fiction, some fantasy and sci-fi, or anything Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones-ish.
Favorite Item Types
poetry, short story, essay/opinion/blog
I will not review...
I’m happy receive an email to discuss first. I set this to receive 9k. WDC gets the rest. No page here I know of to collectively or categorically see, compare reviewers for hire. That might be a worthy tool.
Public Reviews
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326
Review of Rosey Cheeks  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Ghostly Hallows Raid."

The review is of:

 Rosey Cheeks  (13+)
The innocence a young boy has while still learning his way in life.
#949289 by Natalie


This is simply a poem that cherishes the child and innocence while worrying when will it all change, and can they be protected from a world that seeks to corrupt him. The latter part is not really the main focus of this poem, but the poet's after thought. It made me wonder if the writer was open to shaking this poem up a little bit to give it a better hook to grab a reader.

We've all heard 'rosy cheeks' and eyes the color of a blue ocean. I feel it can all still be stated in your poem, but these depictions from the outset might lose interest from some parts of your audience that's heard it all before -- pretty much expressed the same way. Further down in the poem, at the heart of this critter, there is something you could pull out and throw up at the top, if you were to do a re-write.

"His pain we just kiss away."

In just a few words, the poem shows and expresses it's theme, this teetering point from a child that is happy-go-lucky to one that could one day feel the weight of the world. Just throwing a line out there with no explanation gets a reader's interest. They want to know more, and that is when you follow up. It's as if you've written a paper with a topic sentence and provided evidence to support it...that's when you describe and then wonder about the future.

Why not start on that edge and reflect on how they get hurt and we (the parents) are there to protect them, and then go on to describe the child and how resilient when young and how innocent, not knowing that parents bear the burden of worry for them until they are old enough to carry some of that load themselves.

Just something I thought of when I saw this, which is sweet and very likeable by many who will read.

Brian

*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  "Ghostly Hallows Raid."

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327
Review of The Fallen  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Ghostly Hallows Raid."

"The Fallen"  is a story about a person who is a victim, possibly observing another victim with its mysterious origins of emotions, lacking concrete imagery to give us more than a disembodied narrative. So many great expressions in this raw gem that I had to read several times over. I think there is a vibrant heart beating beneath a very emotional poem. I would like to show how your words could better reveal, like choosing the right cut for a diamond.

I focus first on the three lines that open your poem, and should serve as the setting and the hook to grab a reader. What grabbed me most is a toss up between lines two and three. The imagery and expression in those lines, with the right drafting, could really compel a reader and set the tone for a poem that aims to go deep and go for the heart clutch.

"I see him fading. Going, gone from light.
A snowflake and a teardrop, palm up they fall onto thee.
Melodies of old whisper harmonic tunes on the breeze and I dream."

There's a lot packed in those lines, and the rest of the poem skimps on line length. A freeverse poem all the way, it's how you bend it like Beckham that can really help pronounce what the poet here attempts to reveal. You need to bring these words home to goal. Let me suggest a different way to frame them, if I may be so bold:

"A snowflake and a teardrop --
palm up they fall on thee.

I see him fading.
Going, gone from light

Melodies of an old whisper
harmonic tunes on the breeze
and I dream."

I wouldn't go further with the editing than that. Dramatic pauses are needed. You have a visual open and the loss of a comrade, perhaps, one to compare. We can imagine what the whisper is to the narrator, something near to the heart, like something we might hold on to as well, if it were us...a war song, chant?

This rest of the poem tells...

"A love lost. A heartache found." This is where I couldn't be sure, if it's memory of a lost love or if the love was just lost in the telling here. When you add, 'I weep' I felt it was too early and thought that line could be stricken. Perhaps, if the poet held on to that emotion moments longer, like until poem's end, before the actual release, you could build the tension for what's left to reveal.

"In a daze, in your grasp, you laugh."

I didn't sense a third person, just the narrator and the fallen. Perhaps, we need a better introduction to what I assume is death. The best chance of doing this is to flip the two lines and put 'Your eyes of death and touch of ice' before 'in a daze...'

'You' and 'Your' feel so hated and spiteful by this one -- mourning but still bitter toward this one that is reaching out to take another life:

"I bleed.
Nothing to fear, nothing but pain. I long to rest.
I sleep.
I am the fallen."

So, here we had someone lost in the open. I had a feeling at first that this was the loss of a loved one. But, it feels like two on a battlefield, mortally wounded. The remaining life in the balance poetically utters these words, as if immortal. It feels like it could come to us from beyond the grave.

It was a pleasure to read and consider this poem for feedback,

Brian

*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  "Ghostly Hallows Raid."

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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328
Review of My Home  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Ghostly Hallows Raid."

This was an intriguing perspective for a narrative. I did not read the description line before launching into this poem. Without the key at the masthead of this piece, I would not have gathered this POV. A second read through might reveal some of the clues I missed along the way.

The first clue is waiting in that first stanza with this person from Look Who's Talking narrating what they envision, "I lay with my eyes wide open/waiting for the ones/who would take me home." Nice start to reveal. Not enough yet. They are making eye contact and there's expressions that would suggest they are meeting for the first time before, "I kept reaching for her. She kept stepping back."

Slowly, there is this realization that after birth, some mothers do not form an attachment to their baby but go into post partem, some very severe as what I can assume is being described here. But, this does not fully set up like that. It's almost like being rejected through an adoption agency. Though, it could be a poor, struggling couple who abandon their baby.

Either way, this sets up well with depictions illustrating a scenario with emotions from the baby's perceptive perspective. It makes me think of creative ways planned parenthood or some organization my illustrate the need for parents to stay the course after the birth of a child. I cannot assume too much about this.

What I can say is that this assumes too much from that baby perspective, that doesn't fully illustrate the intent of this narrative that would suggest the infant's actions to perceive rejection without some kind of parable forming. It's a tricky narrative where the poet wants to plant the voice to project from that child to speak not only to the parent characters in the poem, but to the reader.

The ending especially was darkly too progressive of a reaction for the new born.

"There they were no more
As light faded from my eyes,
As hope fled before my eyes,
As I lost the home
I had been yearning for."

The child could not yearn, though it could starve, which I think would be the correct approach for an ending. It's also vague what we are to expect from this scenario. It's highly emotive but does not rely on concreteness when addressing the consequences of these final moments in the poem. I think a reader would like a better understanding of what we are to infer from this.

I think the poet did well to come up with a unique perspective to voice this poem. I think with some focus on what is to be conveyed, it could emphatically impress a reader about its intended message.

Brian

*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

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Review of Tears  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

Dear Poetry Ghost ,

Here we have a poem full of self-doubt and emotion that eventually leads this narrator to admit they give up. "Tears"  is pretty straightforward except that it does use some metaphors that appear more like cliché expressions or images that just don't tie together as theme. I had to suss this poem out to see what informs it and what could make it capture an audience to keep readers riveted to the words chosen to describe these feelings.

I would suggest fewer 'ing' words to give them more importance and impact and delete excess words like 'the' and even 'i' in some places. We know from this narrative that it is spoken by one person. Why use attribution at all? Let's see how it changes in that respect?

don't cry (it's a directive now)
Not anymore
awake in agony
feelings fill me
Suffocate, drown
Release never comes
heart pounding
hard and fast
Lungs tight lead
endless
stream of failures
a constant reel plays
in my head
can't release
can't let go
Can't let worries fall
from these eyes
Instead, internally
deep they go
Turn me to ice.


As constructed, there are more direct statements, as you would want to include the reader in this narrative. The reader wants to feel something other than a person talking to themselves aloud.

Also wonder if a reorder of those words would help set scene and help these feelings progress naturally. Also, a verb like turn to ice is ordinary. Would there be a more fitting way to express?


endless stream of failures
a constant reel inside my head
plays
can't release, let go
awake in agony
feelings fill
suffocate, drown

release never comes
heart pounding
hard and fast
lungs tight lead
worries fall from these eyes

don't cry
not anymore

But instead,
internally
feelings fill
deep they go
Turn me to ice.


A few line breaks, different play on words and unstructured stanzas as with free verse, and everything building to that declaration to stop crying. But, the feelings keep filling this soul that eventually turns to ice.

This poem could use your special touch to really emote and give it the true direction it deserves. Perhaps, the way I've reconstructed it not who you would envision. It is one way to look at it to make your expressions and narrative more action, direction.

You have all the correct expressions here. I say, go deeper and find metaphorical relationships and stronger symbolism to fully bring this poem a fuller life.

It was a pleasure to read and comment

Brian

*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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330
Review of The Photograph  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

Dear Choconut ~ House Targaryen ,

I'm about to overanalyze your interesting poem that has me caught in my own reflections and relationship to my mother and to myself that empower me during troubling times.

You know, when I got to the end of this poem I had an eerie feeling that the she in this poem is not the mother of the narrator, and I am torn at this reviewing thinking which/what the narrator/voice in this poem intends to be. I say the anthem in "The Photograph"  is to be strong for oneself. If it is about being there for another, being strong for someone who has seen life affect their child in a way that diminishes the mother, too. But the mother and daughter, in a way, could be the same voice. I'm stuck on 'she'.

This was very deep, emotional and reflective on a life and how it changed from such joy and pleasure to observance of loneliness and depression. It marks a few sign posts in the journey, particularly with the one this one was observed at the start of a marriage. This marriage could also factor in either scenario. And what we are dealing with in your poem is snapshots or observations through a mirror of the toll that time took on oneself. There is such a call for resilience at the end, following what I assume is a distancing from oneself, the former self that was in decay.

Well, that is the way that I would look at this. It feels uniquely narrated and designed to be reflective. The image that is mirrored to the narrator is shared obliquely with the reader, and this viewer who got a particular feeling of how this translates. It works on several levels this way. Someone who wants to see it as a mother's strife seeing their child-turned-adult struggle is one way. I see this voice deep in reflection contemplating through a photo album at a crossroads a new direction for life.

The flaw in my argument can come from the introduction to this poem:
I tremble with sorrow
as she gazes into my
fragile reflections.
My frayed, old image
hugs her sagging shoulders,
Comforting her in her
Grief.

This is why I struggle. I can take this open literally. Though, I make a case for expressively, when you say 'she gazes into my fragile reflections.' Is there another part of this person who is emerging with the strength to lend to that person, who 'hugs her sagging shoulders'? I may have gone too deep with my observations. I could read through several more times, wipe out this entire review, feeling I have to start from scratch. I use initial impressions and look for evidence that supports my theory. I don't like to dig too deep and reflect on breaking it down.

Even when I read:

When they were first married,
and I was born into their lives,

I can make a case for this person finding themselves born anew as a wife, in a relationship; perhaps, the turning point away from true self and/or early happiness. See what I mean about overanalyzing and making a case for rather than against this logic?

There might be a third camp on this poem's perspective: that it is intended to be both about a mother's love/concern while it reflects on the strength drawn from mother that we give to ourselves. I'm often reminded that I cope by remembering what I was taught to get through troubled times. That would be really complex, but an effective way to put all these thoughts and voices together. A little time travel, body-swapping poetry?

It was fun to read and consider this poetic offering for feedback. You know, these long reviews of mine must seem a bother to some who feel obligated to peruse all the way through. People have enough reading to do. I might have to consider in the future introducing brevity into these rambling, unedited reviews (my eyes too bleary to reread further),

Brian

*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
331
331
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

Dear dmack ,

Here I discover a poem "The Thinker at the Crossroads"  that is distinctly constructed on a setting with a person who is being witnessed witnessing the world go by. It's a study of human behavior for those around this person on the bench but a study of him and what he takes from all that he has seen. In the end, we learn behavior does not change and is not altered by witnessing. In a sense, this could be just irony of how things are. Our world gives us too much information, or we don't know what to do with it, or we are creatures of habit and that assessing what others do might inform, it doesn't compel use to act any differently.

I felt the changing of the who, why and where of it all changing from verse to verse tiring. I can appreciate the construct, but not the plodding way it all turned out. It is very basic and borders banal. It paints a picture of loneliness within a dull world with no hope of ever changing. I had hoped by the final verse this character would break the mold. But, even if he had, I could not imagine it being any more compelling.

This person witnesses actions and wonders about the people acting but doesn't interact within that environment. And, the title of the poem implies concretely that he is at a 'crossroads', which has so many thematic implications, that it's like Chekov's gun theory: if it is introduced in the first act, it must go off in the second act.

The narration does little to describe, except give us a vision of a person on a bench watching people before leaving. This whole poem could be summarized in a few lines. Poetic devices, however, could add flavor to this, give a fuller feeling. A reader could find a way to connect if the setting is a park bench in fall by a pond with ducks. It could be a person waiting on a city street outside a transit system, or a person at the zoo watching families with their children. It could imply things that readers can infer. We can ask why do they sit alone there. We might imagine what they are seeing if a few actions or descriptions of people and environment are added. You could still chug along with the three w's employed within all of that.

So, that is more of what I look for in a poem to give it flavor to consume. Otherwise, it feels hollow. And one could make an argument for that, if you are into sad impressions of a dull reality. I did find the structure strong and worthy of more ingredients for a reader to enjoy when they taste.

Brian

*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

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332
Review of Pain  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

Dear Jasna ,

This is an anthem of pain is not unlike the response when a person is in a co-dependent relationship that ends. The expressions are deeply emotional and personal and relatable. You use imagery to set the mood of these feelings, but lose me when it appears its a high school romance that has ended. When you through around words akin to commitment, teens should all be taught that high school relationships are not meant to last. In fact, its part of your education called life.

That is not meant to sound like judging but relating how this poem affects a reader who consumes these thoughts, suggested actions. The 'how could you' narrative seems to contain an answer from the silent one who ended it when it's revealed:

Pain when he said "Take care"
instead of "I care".

When another is not committed to a relationship and wishes to distance themselves, and when I read the response about the breakup, it appears too much drama might have been the reason and the answer.

When I read the opening to this poem I was expecting it to go in another direction. There is an intensity being described (I always skip right past the description line. A poem should need no introduction to serve as summary):

Hot, intense,
stronger than a morning coffee
drunk quickly between red
and green light,

This could take a writer anywhere. But it follows about pain and indifference from someone described as 'friend'. Another clue why this person seems distant:

pain is always with me
my shadow
stocker
wolf

very expressive and uniquely, but describing one that cannot break the cycle of this pattern of pain in their life. In fact, self-inflicting. Perhaps, reading too much in the indifference as if the person they are involved with should return feelings with the same intensity. That's a remedy for a nuclear storm. Every person who is this crazy about another, should be paired with someone sane and calm enough to override the drama. However, people who self-destruct and self-inflict seldom find calm or happiness unless they can feel spurned eternally. This is rooted in something much deeper than the aspects of this poem revealed.

There is much here to discover in a thinly disguised and free verse styled poem strung out from scene to experience and final fall out. Those ending lines that list with a repetitive style at first show flashes of images like a German art film that give you feels about and then make you wonder why they've sprayed these word symbols across the screen.

Later, the final list is less concrete and connected to feelings. It's a big 'I want' list that is very demanding. Any the narrative feels deserved of these things for the loyalty they have shown to another who was not as invested or looking at playing it cool rather than intensely hot.

So much to experience and wonder about in this raw and vibrant poem that is very frank and revealing. It was a pleasure to consume and consider for feedback. I would quibble about the style and punctuation in a few places. But, the main draw to this is about the psychology and expressions drawn from it. This poem was cathartic and wild and just a tip of what the writer dreams or could reveal with further poetic/prose offerings.

Brian
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333
333
Review of dfgg  
In affiliation with Circumpolar Black Light Reviewer  
Rated: E | (1.0)
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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

So this is all I have to do to review an item on this website? Here's the thing with "dfgg" . I see a review for this and I wonder what incentives we have to review something like this and what would compel us to respond to something shared by someone who has not been on the website in 10 years?

One reviewer wrote, 'What in the world? Um....... I am insure on why you did this but not saying it is not creative!!!!!!! How would you like if I gave you..... a FIVE STAR RATING!!!!!!! Well... That is what I will do Okay? You did great! Though it is gibberish it is very creative nonetheless! Stay safe. I wish you will live a happy, safe, and a fulfilling, and long life! Stay safe during this current COVID-19 pandemic that the world has and is currently being plaques by. I won't waste your time any more! Next time though, please right more than just gibberesh, so people can understand it! It is funny though!'

Of course, it rates a one or lower. And the person who shared this item was probably just testing out the site, or bored. Make public:
sfadijsadiofjsadoifjsadlfkjasdlkfsajdfjsdafalsdjfsadjlf
and you could tell someone was working primarily from the middle of the keyboard left to right.

There's no:
qtyuiopuytrqwertyupoiytrewqwertyui
And there's no:
zxcvbnmxcvbnmcvbnmnbcxxcvbnmbvcxz

And definitely no:
12345678909765432345678
because that would be insanity!
With caps lock, no less:
`1234567890-

Well, that didn't do anything. I have to hold down the caps key to get:
~!@#$$%%^^&&***(((()_(*&^%$@
Now that's more like it. So, that's what I have to say in review on an item I looked in on in the review boards to see it was just a bunch of:
adfghjklkjhgfdsfhjklkgdsadghjk

signed,

#%^$RUVJHFD^%%)P(*IBJGD^Y$OKlbute6echj

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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" " Ghostly Hallows Raid."

Sorry, I'm affiliating this review with my own account. It's commentary that most people won't take the time to get.

















*Peace*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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334
Review of Little Bird  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Ghostly Hallows Raid."

Your poem "Little Bird"  about the courage of a sparrow braving winter casts a stark image of how they combat the elements in this haiku offering.

For this poem that focuses on the very short form, I focus on one word, 'huddles'. I want to make a case for this word, even if to suggest it was used by the poet expressively. Let's look at the definition first:

verb
crowd together; nestle closely. "they huddled together for warmth"
Similar words: crow, gather, throng, flock, herd, bunch, cluster, collect, group, congregate, pack, squeeze, cram, jam

This definition is why it raised a doubt for me. I think of that poem that was written for the statue of liberty with the line, 'give us your...huddled masses'. That means the word used implies a group together, but in the offered poem here we have one tiny little bird against the elements.

When I imagine this bird being its own huddle, it scrunches up so that its tuffs of chest feathers puff out and it might tightly wrap its wings and frame to aerodynamically allow those stiff breezes to pass around. I guess, huddles doesn't best express this. What word would? I won't speculate just yet.

What I would say, is that a restructuring of the poem with emphasis on 'defenseless' with that leafless twig might be another way to go, to show this brave little bird fighting the elements. We add a new introduction to eliminate 'cold' and 'tiny', both are sort of a given. We want to show more and tell less, so...

wee sparrow shudders
defenseless on leafless limb
no birds to huddle with

The ending is direct and an observation of the situation by the narrator (mine). It serves as the wisdom in summation of the situation. It's not a far stretch to assume this bird that is cold could use other birds to fight the elements. I'm reminded that its likely this bird is taking a brief respite...

brief sparrow shudders
defenseless on a leafless limb
waiting to huddle

Just might be another way to go, and assumes more about the bird and its stopover before the poet's purview.

It's always fun to consider a haiku with several approaches because subjective truth can lie between the lines. How much do we know about the elements, except what the bird can demonstrate? I think this was fun to consider. We could even imagine ourselves in their place, as we are prone to do. We're smart. We are inside a house. Some birds outside my home are smart too, find the inside of my garage to spend a day.

In summation, let's build more bird houses, assuming they'll use them.

Brian

*Jackolantern2* I am reviewing in the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  "Ghostly Hallows Raid."

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Review of Limerick of Joe  
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, up there is a constellation with what looks like a hunter with a bow. Stay tuned, Space Blog friends, it gets better:

 Limerick of Joe  (E)
Contest Entry, Limerick, Poetry, Rhyming
#457970 by BlueThunder


Limericks with the right rhyme and meter can almost flawlessly tell a story, you just need to plug in a few clever words and you've got something. As with this poem, you've got an old hunter who's carrying around a bow and you know that's trouble because he has body parts that rhyme with his weapon. That's just good fun. It's only his toe! *Laugh*

I like reading limericks like this. You don't have to think too much about the inspiration behind the story, because it's the telling of the story that leads to a great punchline summary that hits its mark. *Target2* So, good job with this one, which was written for a contest awhile back.

Just a final thought: I wasn't sure about the cold and snow and how that factored in. He tripped over a bale of hay. Was it under the snow? I guess we'll never know. and, that's how I roll. *Think*

*Laugh* It was fun to read and comment.

Brian
Too. Much. Fun.

Made by Lilli


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336
336
Review of A Little Haiku  
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
If I keep spying up into the heavens from our universe like this, I'm going to get eye strain, but I found something:

 A Little Haiku  (E)
It is all about the wind
#822820 by The Critic


When I read this poem, which is a haiku, I'm considering how imagery plays on the mind of a reader. When we (as poets or prose writers) use emotive words, do they create a picture for a reader in a way that expresses a scene or setting? I have found an introduction to this poem that might make a person think twice:

Winds whip, whirl, and twirl
Fury, strength, passion your fame
Fear, terror your game

When I read this, especially with 'whip, whirl and twirl' (all good rhymey and alliterate words, btw), I wonder what I am watching. I wonder if the person describing in this story, using the elements, is really talking about something in nature. What shows 'whip' or 'whirl' or 'twirl' best? Is it a sound or something that can reveal these word's actions?

Without any concrete words to go on, I have to substitute my own images. Assuming nature, things get caught in the wind and float, like plastic bags or leaves. We see structures like trees whipped and compelled by the wind. But, I get to the next line and the narrator is talking to someone. So, I have to wonder whom? Mother nature, god? Maybe, Mother nature is having a fit, with a stir up of sorts.

So, now I'm settling into this haiku a little more, imagining we're feeling the torment of Mother Nature with invisible forces of wind compelling actions that strike at feelings that the narrator is responding to by saying, 'I know your game.' Called out, right? That's essentially how we use our understanding of these things that strike fear to help this narrator overcome feelings associated with the emotive elements of the depicted words. In my mind, anyway.

And that's the best I could do with this. It works on a certain level. I prefer something concrete to go on, somewhere in the poem. It doesn't have to be at the outset. A reader needs something to attach these emotive words to, for context. But, I think I've made a case for this poem.

Brian

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Review of Oopsie  
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)

Made by Lilli
I spied this little poem up in the heavens today while cruising through the WDC universe:

 
STATIC
Oopsie   (E)
Happy Poems Contest~Day #5/7~Limerick 3 stanza prompt
#2061411 by Jen~


I cannot imagine Molly the dog's demeanor might change after sitting on a cat. How is the cat doing, by the way? *Bigsmile*

I see this is a limerick written for a contest prompt to be three lines long. It tells a very short, narrative story for what I would imagine could be something fun written to recite to a child.

There once was a dog named Molly
She was always very jolly
Till she got fat and sat on a cat

Usually those poems remind me of that limerick ending, 'now what do you think about that?' The contest is over and this poem could have been extended to add more elements and fun to this piece. It could have served to be about the dog and the cat, which I imagine would be annoyed with being sat upon. Some would take that ending too far and end with:

"and then she was flat
now what do you think about that?"

It's a fun little poem either way. It doesn't rely on very descriptive words, just that it's a dog that was jolly, fat and sat on a cat. Very straightforward.

Essentially, this limerick is what they might put in those collections I remember reading in the dentist's office when I was a kid, Highlights magazine. It's the kind of stuff that made for good filler to give a kid a chuckle or a smile.

It was a pleasure to read and consider this poem for feedback,

Brian

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Review of Our Lady's Tears  
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I managed to spy this poem floating in the heavens above our WDC universe today:

 Our Lady's Tears  (E)
Writer Cramp
#2007243 by Yellow Rose


Dear Yellow Rose

I set about to read this poem, "Our Lady's Tears" , not sure what to expect and wound up learning more than expected. From the use of the symbolism of Lily of the Valley and the references to Jesus and Our Lady, which I googled but could not immediately discern in this poem.

I'm especially struck by what I learned of the meaning of the flower and had not been aware of its biblical implications, let alone what the flower overall represents to those that reference it. "The lily-of-the-valley has been connected to the Savior for a variety of reasons, mostly owing to the flower's whiteness, signifying Christ's purity from sin, its sweetness, signifying the sweetness of Christ's ministry to humanity, and its fecundity, signifying the fruitfulness of Christ and His apostles' preaching."

This fits nicely with the theme and the scene depicted that kind of creates a legend from this woman who I can only assume was Mary, Jesus' mother. The idea that her tears could spawn these perfect white flowers conveyed a beautiful representation of your poem's message. I could not decide if this is biblical legend or if some other representation of the flower I could not google, or your own machination.

Either way, it serves to fuel this poem with its emotional, religious theme. This idea of the promise of his return to cleanse believers of sin. The poem laid out nicely in the two line stanzas that weren't the smoothest or the most eloquent, but the emotional aspects and the imagery intone a beautiful chemistry.

It was a pleasure to read and leave feedback for this poem.

Brian

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Review of Uniformity  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*Star*An Angel Army Review*Star*:

Herein is a poem "Uniformity"  that plays upon a word in a line by defining it with another word, listing all the way down these feelings and associations that collectively speak but do not collectively coalesce a true theme for this loose construct. It's broad, is another way to put it.

This is about life, raw and unfiltered. A poem should be focused and certain of its viewpoint and what it wants to make a reader feel. We are all over the place with so many thoughts. I would suggest a single topic or theme to built associated feelings about. You could take any part of this poem, a line, and build an entire poem around it.

This is described as living in a world of differences. This poem hardly touched upon a very worthy subject in a very divisive time in history. And, it's something that has been building to this point in an election year. This poem could set up as the forbearer of that bad news: riots, hate, racism, bullies and politics, to name a few. But, the burdens it associates with are common to many, especially for those adults caught between their own kids and their parents who become a burden as they go beyond elderly.

The overall theme is not dismissed, however. I get that we have to appreciate that we live in a world when all of these issues suppress our own freedoms. I think it could be better expressed. I do not discount the effort it took to produce these thoughts. The proof of their meaning to readers is in the focus, structure and editing that follows to flush out the best of the author's intended meaning.

Brian

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Review of The Bridegroom  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*A WDC Angel Army Review*Star*:

The opening to this poem was so robotic, to the point and unfeeling. It felt like this was a woman who acts like a mail-order bride.
"I am a bride.
My bridegroom waits for me."
These are statements that speak matter of factly and are important to the overall concept and theme of this poem.

The reason there is no feeling in the depictions might give a reader doubt. If I had to wonder, it could go in two different ways: either this is an arranged marriage that is a part of this person's custom (or even mail order bride, who knows?), or it could be that this person doesn't feel complete until they give themselves over to someone like slavery, sorry to say.

One other thing, being described as romance, inspirational and spiritual, it takes on a satirical vibe. Though, I do not believe that is what was intended. You just look at the simplicity of the depictions and about how this man who lacks description is going to be a provider. This poem describes things related to security and money which may equal happiness for a person who has been raised into a culture that would value this arrangement.

We think of relationships as having a courtship with romance, and butterfly moments that leads to ultimate 'how do he pop the question?' type scenario to begin the fairytale. This is down to earth, and way more practical, yet still deserving of appreciation by readers who understand these fantasies cannot deliver on the intrinsic nature of marriage.

And yet, she 'burns with desire' for him and he for her. Their's is not some made up fairytale but this intense joy to be starting a life together. Very organic and real. I would not knock this poem on its style or approach to poetic beauty, but for yielding something old world, and rarely valued anymore as love. For what it's worth. Sometimes, you have to appreciate the content and not the way it's constructed.

Brian

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In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Star*A WDC Angel Army Review*Star*:

This is a poem with a specific structure that effectively describes the narrator's wonderment about someone they fondly admire and feel gifted to have in their life. It specifically sets up to describe this heralded person's attributes in a pleasing way that shows complete appreciation. The first two stanzas constructed with the opening line that sets up a brief list of attributes.

The third and final stanza is used as proper summation and a reveal with an answer to these questions that seems appropriate. As it is a poem that speaks directly to its other, the one that it is deeply fond of, it's like a gift to give back. These constructed words of appreciation break through that dimension of writing to actually sharing the writing for another sat upon that pedestal.

Well crafted and well done. It has a raw element to it for its down to earth tone, not trying to sound overly poetic or artsy. It is simple, honest and true to the nature of the writer who shares these feelings openly with a reading audience, like myself to judge and review for quality. It is among the more common approaches to writing an ode known to many and can be appreciated by novices everywhere.

Brian

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Review of Snowflakes  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Here I discover a poem "Snowflakes"  with a narration that solemnly captures a nature scene that I wants to silently join. Good use of the short Japanese form to depict this spiritual winter setting. I'm entreated to snowflakes falling. The fact that they are doing so 'softly' implies a few things: quiet, either from the location, and/or the lack of wind. Snowflakes can twirl, swoosh and splash when things get turbulent, so in this one line a mood and scene were set.

The second line speaks expressively, which is perfect timing after the soft snow. It would do something to me too, this moment in nature where my soul and mind open up to the experience of that attuning harmony of a life form within nature.

This communion is not unlike experiences we've all had. I'm thinking closer to youth, when the experience was more noticed, reveled in and appreciated. It's rare that an adult would take time out for a moment like this. But, when one can make time, it's a blessing. Considering all of these things, a remarkable moment is occurring. It is a sublime feeling and well related to its audience.

The last line here could be anything. It is a reflection on the first two lines and probably the weakest link. What sweet mysteries did Mother Nature bestow. It's too broad and not refined enough for us to know. This line could have reflected a bit more on the narrator. Give us a clue why this scene. Show us something that links this soul reverberating in the outdoors, in the cold, where there is a new warmth and purpose. I can't assume what that ending might be. It feels we got short-changed, because the secret of nature was not revealed.

Perhaps, Mother Nature is overused and should be skipped over for something more mysterious and spiritual. It could be connected to the discovering mind. It's coalescing in this moment and learning something from the voice on that wind whispering in the ear. It could be funny like, 'the hot chocolate is inside.' Yeah, too many syllables. It could be poignant, "Your secrets are safe here." Still not thinking of syllables.

The fact that the scene is only described as snowfall might open the door to other nature scenes in that final line. The pines are the quietest place during snowfall. When protected from wind and elements, its like a hideaway in winter, just on the edge of a clearing. So many visions that could be considered to add. Even looking up at the snow falling directly into eyes, like being anointed by the Heavens. All of these are ideas I suggest to round out the meaning of this poignant moment shared.

It was a pleasure to read and comment on your haiku,

Brian

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Review of Love Haiku  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Star*An Angel Army Review*Star*:

Romantic Japanese poetry of this form is rare to find. These short forms are usually reserved to describe nature, however there are nature-type elements used in this piece "Love Haiku" . Tackling a subject like this to get the exposition just right can be tricky.

This poem seems to imply a love triangle, perhaps inspired by love's rejection in the first line. It could have been mutual, but 'hate' is a strong word in deciding to cool a relationship. But immediately, in short form, we are launched toward another when 'touched', which is vague. It could be an expression or something more physical than spiritual. We can only assume the latter.

The last line, 'love enflames our souls' can be inferred between the new couple. In a wild scenario, the couple in the first line could have gotten back together, because the interest in the second line informs the uncoupled partner of the first line/part. This is where it gets tricky for a reader. We can assume some things, but perhaps the point isn't concisely made.

The structure was right, following haiku syllable count. Use of fire symbolism is like nature, but I think it misses the true intention of haiku. It's to inform through nature how wisdom comes from life. This does have a moral of sorts. But, for subject it did not use enough imagery or sensory to connect a reader to subject.

If I may tackle this in a way that might illuminate what I mean. If you are to use nature to describe this:

Volcanic hearts chill
lava touch of another
erupts souls aflame

It's still difficult to differentiate the couples, even in this way. Wished I could work 'new' into that last line. Difficult subject to tackle in haiku. But, feel free to play around with that. The theme is good if you can draw out metaphors and images linked to nature to describe and relate the solution in summation.

Brian

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear L.V. van Efveren ,

I like this poem, "For the Love of Coffee" . Writing to this particular form shouldn't cause too much restriction in execution of what you portray here. I found a subject with some nuances about coffee that I could relate to in this poem that was written for a contest. It would appear that prompt is 10 years past.

I discovered this by following feedback on the review boards, but not sure after storing this in my review tool how it led me directly or indirectly to your poem. The subject of coffee came up and read the first three lines of description and decided to save to reread and comment at a later time. Now, here I am.

One line immediately jumped out at me. "Nectar in the shades of night," which made me think of the importance of a hook when offering up a poem. This is, however, set to rhyme scheme, but something to think about when drawing in a reader. However, again, what senses are at work first? We smell the coffee before we envision it. I could be wrong about my thought about the approach to this.

Fragrant, dark and sweet as sin
this drink divine is brought to me
Nectar in the shades of night
of weariness it sets me free
until an empty pot is all I see
its lofty promises dried up

When I read that first stanza, I thought, 'whoa, drank a whole pot of coffee!' That's a lot of coffee to consume. You haven't really set scene, except introduce us to this heavenly coffee and the narrator's reaction to it. When I read 'shades of night', I was thinking this could also have been set in the evening. Sometimes, word choices can trip of a reader unknowingly, though I like the reference to the java's color. Maybe, if night colored was shown as irony because of a bright morning, or just a dreary morning, it could use something to place us in that setting.

Yet once again I must give in
like Cupid's poor seductee
A love this true one should not fight
but rather taste its reverie
and feel each morning's ecstasy
through holy liquid in a sacred cup

Many praises for this addictive drink that the poet has given the soul over to in this 'sacred' morning ritual. I don't have a problem with 'seductee', when I wondered if it was in the dictionary. It's likely been used in poetry before, and license of course dictates the right to it. Gives power to this drink that is all the rage.

I did struggle with one small part: '...rather taste its reverie'. Could that be 'taste in reverie'? Just that the coffee isn't in reverie, right? We personify its powers to compel quite a bit, but giving it feelings might not be intended there?

Overall, very descriptive and emotive ode to your cup of joy. It was a pleasure to read and consider.

Brian

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Tim Chiu ,

I don't know if I would call "A Lengthy Effort: Education Unsatisfied"  a prose poem, per se, but perhaps, free verse? Or, vers libre, if you want to sound fancy. This poem reminded me of what is important to story: attribution. You have a great many good words collected within, but until the end of the poem, I could not attribute them within this loose narrative that arrives at concerns about the upcoming election...presidential, especially, I would assume?

Each of the statements in your poem requires introspect from the poet. When you make these assertions, what do they attribute to? Could they be displayed in a way that might give hints or clues to what you allude to? You open with some tongue-twisting, short bursts of expressions:

Smoothly and somewhat convincingly -
And most bewilderingly -

The 'ly' words here pile up...and question the need for 'somewhat' because it is either convincing or not, yes? Or, is it more like an oxymoron? I couldn't decide.

A violence deceiving
The lengths of tragedy.

What violence? Is it personified and how? and tragedy, too? After reading the full poem, came back to wonder if you meant the riots? Could this be stated more effectually?

A privilege for the forsaken duties
Of most,
And a devilish concept -

The hypocrisy of claims.

And the masking of a feisty heresy.

I'm asea on the privileged duty, but these lines by end make me think they are about the reports of all the false claims by the current President. It's too obtuse for a reader to realize what the poet is alluding to here and throughout. Masking is saying something to me and that line with 'feisty heresy' is telling now. I'm arriving at some thoughts after some consideration about the man at the center of this poem.

The sincerest, most ageless worth -
A streetwise assurance,
And a dedicated need.

A decision that warrants enmity
And exorbitant restrictions.

Here I'm just wanting to run to a dictionary and decipher all these words. However, a reader should get some context to at least have a feel for what you intend. This prose style of yours reminds me of another writer here who used to share auto-rewarded poetry, who used a lot of signpost words that stirred with emotions but seem disconnected from particular subject.

Here I can feel a theme building with the words and I really do want to consult Webster's, but should a reader have to? I find building a poem around a few choice words is good, if you can frame them in a way that a reader will get the gist, but may still peek to see if they fully understand the poet's offering.

This part I sort of get, and it seems to be about Trump's previous election decision in 2016:

Within the darkened turmoil,
The hapless misfires
Of some emboldened chief,
His narrow margin of victory
This unaffordable, streaming zone -
Drawing the destitute ire...

This is also likely about his remarks in the media and on Twitter. We get that he's a boastful guy that is less uniting and more provocative with his comments. You get a little loose with the language when you say...

Disemboweling the freedoms...

Have to consider words like that work as imagery, as well as emotively, and perhaps not the best choice for that statement.

The ending of your poem assumes that the election is to be rigged, am I right? Though, there have been accusations about each party manipulating the outcome, but I get the tone is anti-conservative here.

I think you know what you mean when you write this. It should be considered that we need references to put some of this together. Employ some poetic devices within metaphors and imagery, signpost words that link together a common theme or thread. There's symbolism that is strong within the political parties and the president is easy to depict with his cartoonish features.

I see you have opportunities here to really pull the flavor from this poem that I think you mean to intend and present it in a palatable way for your audience to consume and savor. It's just about attributing those words in a more meaningful way that could give this poem that right spice, for the best recipe to revealing what you've cooked up here.

It's a timely poem and worthy poem in this era, for this generation.

Brian

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Review of To My Muse  
In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Roari ∞ ,

As I read the ending to "To My Muse" , I said to myself 'I do know what you mean.' Your poem about the muse that inspires is implied, which I infer. And this follows the logic of many a poet who ascribes to these beliefs that some great spiritual moment will inform the instrument that one writes with and the writer's block will be temporarily over.

Purely a free verse poem that is inspired by what appears the logical choice, free associating thought in the moment and chase that muse in hopes of flushing out. But, the poem dares ask why these moods are so fickle that one could get in a rut, be in a drought. That is oft asked question.

In a way, the poem answers it's own question without knowing it. That the muse is kind but that it doesn't arrive because the poet is distracted with other things (like what distracts this writer/narrator?), who does not put in the time and effort to have the little pixie, or whatever, come along and give flight to the pen. Right there in that third stanza, I read it.

The final stanza was kind of comical about how the poet runs out of words on the subject and runs into that wall, and reveals the crash right there at the end of the poem...*Headbang*

It is akin to mailing it in, when we don't really consider the subject, while we have chosen a narrative style of feeling incomplete and mystified by the process -- almost like willing it to be that way, rather than overcome with determination.

I like poems like this that show our weaknesses, our flaws, what we struggle with. All part of the human condition, something a reader like myself can relate with. I did see a line in that fourth stanza that could read better and wondered if flawed was the desired result...

"I begin these tasks at your beckon..."

Perhaps, "I begin these tasks you beckon," or "I begin these tasks at your beckoning..."

Muses can be described, also. What is this muse? A part of oneself? A faerie or something else? It could be described through actions or noted by how it appears to use and how it compels a writer through some imagery or metaphor. Many have done this type of poem. What can make it unique?

Of course, I am commenting on this because Chris Breva linked it in "Space Blog"  and I swung in to give it a look-see. It was pleasure to read and consider for feedback,

Brian

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In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Dear THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! ,

I found this contest entry "Nature Tries to Teach"  a very well articulated essay. I especially enjoyed how you pivot off thoughts of what man was intended to do (and not: "We shouldn't get from one end of earth to the other so soon, if nature had meant us to fly, nature would have given us wings"). It is a very agreeable statement that people of the world have upset that natural order of things.

To your essay open with people who express how the virus is some kind of 'nature's revenge' or that 'nature is angry with us'. It reminds of earlier beliefs when science wasn't fully developed and spiritual people, people in tribes, believed like this -- some form of mother nature. While I don't know who you refer these comments to, they are not unusual fodder on the internet for people trying to be expressive/funny, like 'the boogeyman will get you.'

You do right to take this as a way to focus on the science and what can easily be shown as man's interference in the order of things.

I'm definitely with you on that third paragraph, as to lifestyles. I think there are factors in play here. Convenience is a huge selling point and something corporations advertise to consumers. I think a little perspective would help on how the science is being ignored by those who would pollute our waters with chemicals to make products, or:

"Chickens bred for meat are...the most genetically manipulated of...animals, forced to grow 65 times faster than their bodies...would, and the industry continually seeks to increase their growth rate."

The reason the world won't change is that those who profit while destroying our planet don't have alternative methods that will make them more money, while sparing the planet. Hopefully, a pandemic will change minds as the economy shifts to cleaner fuels, etc. In an open, democratic society, the people should agree in moderation and not bigger is better.

Your summation about memes on 2020 really drive home your point about how ignorance is at play. People really just dehumanize everything and make jokes or criticisms at the expense of our humanity. You pretty much nailed it with this. It was a pleasure to read.

Brian

When I think of those poor little chickens raised to slaughter in 42 days on growth hormones, about five percent die when "Their baby hearts cannot keep up with their adult-sized bodies." *Sad*

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Review of The Home Sampler  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear fyn ,

I learned something today when I read this poem, having to look up your use of the word 'basted' in this very intricate poem "The Home Sampler" . When I saw that word I obviously went to a cooking reference and thought how odd. That seems out of place. But, I do my homework before commenting:

In sewing, to tack or baste is to make quick, temporary stitching intended to be removed. ... To easily hold a seam or trim in place until it can be permanently sewn, usually with a long running stitch made by hand or machine called a tacking stitch or basting stitch.

Now, I get a richer tapestry to understanding your poem. And something darker was lurking, waiting for me to fully understand this offering, having missed the introductory description. The use of stitches and describing colors reveals a possible correlation of moods to the disorder told. The narrator trying to hold on to the calm greens by poems end held me, but that temporary stitch wouldn't hold.

I can imagine from that first stanza, this person described is having trouble telling truth from fiction with this disease. You have the character describing tales woven with those colors (moods) that incorrectly inform. With the ending, the image of the needle flying was like something very final, damaging this relationship, shown with it's loose depiction.

I found I could somewhat understand through what I read from this cryptic, poetic symbolism employed from beginning to end -- how it all unravels. Implied 'tangling' and 'knotting' might suggest something stronger, because this person is enmeshed by the struggle to keep it together.

Just a great use of symbolism in relation to bi-polar disorder.

Brian

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In affiliation with Space Blog Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I always say write through it, whatever you're feeling. There is some good use of rhyme in this poem "A feeling of disappointment"  and some things that stuck out for me.

I was okay without the punctuation until I saw the need for a question mark in that third stanza where you were short a line and a rhyme, but certain you know that.

What this holds up to is the poet accurately expressing, using that rhyme to bend an expression or two into existence. It does feel like it follows the rhyme more than the informed mind. But, to me it's all good. The more you write, the more your brain is learning the ropes with poetry to finding just the right expressions or assortments of words. Practice makes perfect.

Sometimes, I throw away rhyme and just let words flow. If it's alliteration or words that have a familiar sound, you can weave whatever poetic devices you want with this or any poem, if you are just writing on a whim...called free associating. Rhymes come too during these writing events.

Line I would adjust, "No reason for future in light of my cope." Just because 'cope' is not a noun, or something that best bends poetic law here.

What I liked best: "But what really matters is invisible it seems." Very deep and introspective there.

It was a pleasure to consider your piece for feedback. Thanks for sharing your poetry,

Brian

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Review of These Old Eyes  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Lockedhart ,

I discovered your poem when searching for new members who write poetry in this community. I found a poem that was more a block of text without formatting or structure to give weight to the lines hidden within. I would suggest a way to present this to reveal the hidden gems within, as I'm about to reveal now.
I'm struck by the open of this poem...

"I live in the forgotten place."

To me that first line stood out. It is something that I can relate to as a reader/writer caught in the neglect of the world. I go to this place implied (of my own) to reside when I read this, prepared to discover the rest of your poem knowing that is where live best, where I connect with the outside world. This poem doesn't relate exactly how I feel, however. I can assume it is from the narrative perspective of one who lives with other elders who might be looking at the last years of life while reflecting on the past:

"I live with all the missed memories, connections and chances. What could have been is our favourite toast here. The echoes of regret ring like a church bell. Looking back through these old eyes."

Herein above is the meat of the poem, and that which expresses best about looking back on life and the missed opportunities acknowledged, toasted even. 'Echoes of regret right like a church bell' was perhaps most poignant and evocative for me. I'm grasping even now to plumb the depths of the poet's meaning. 'Church' is a strong word to imply with the tolling of a bell, that from literature we know all too well told is 'for thee'.

I look at the remainder in two parts. The poem turns to the others who haven't made their peace with getting old, having not truly lived when you say:

"Please take me back they say. I missed something. You were so young then."

But also there is a great companion expression for that thought:

"Looking at what was in front of you, not knowing forever was behind you."

This poem comes from wisdom and experienced enough to know that one can put this all in perspective, putting aside regret. It can acknowledge the weakness of such feeling about not having lived. I go back to the 'forgotten place' though, which is strongest, reminding me to put this perspective in that frame. We are to understand that this condition is felt by one who is alone, observing. It is melancholy and saddening and again reminds me of where I live in this world, where I've been placed. Perhaps, I could take a cue from this to just live without regret.

It's well told in this poem and a much deserving piece for others to take note of.

Brian

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If the poem were edited, it could read:

These Old Eyes

I live in the forgotten place.
I live with all the missed memories,
Connections and chances.
What could have been is our favourite toast here.
The echoes of regret ring like a church bell,

Looking back through these old eyes.
Please take me back they say.
I missed something.
You were so young then.
Looking at what was in front of you,
not knowing forever would be left behind.


Slight alteration was made on that last line. I would either attach the last line of first stanza with first line of the second; or, find a way to make the second line a stand alone sentence, rather than leave it a fragment.

A third way to handle it is (replacing comma from last line of first verse)
flip the two lines assigned to that second verse to read as follows, flowing into the third line:

"Please take me back they say.
Looking back through these old eyes,
I missed something."

Okay, now I'm done with suggestions. *Smile*

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