Hello Cinna, how are you? I am actually reviewing a few blue cases after reading a news feed post from someone saying we should not be afraid to. So here I am, not being afraid.
I wrote quite a few 55 word stories myself back last year. I am not sure if the contest still exists though.
I liked your story, it made me laugh. Somehow I do not think his arm and fingers would ever be found.
Only one suggestion: In this part,"He enjoyed sailing, fishing, hiking, dancing, playing miniature golf,
And unfortunately, homemade fireworks."
I was always taught no comma before "and" when in lists. Perhaps because us British write differently.
Hello Taya, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " Hell Hath No Fury," which I found on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
The story is actually very good. What love can do to people.
I like how you began with Melody in the straight jacket in her cell and then told the story of how she got there.
This line: "My first thought is this: Am I dead? " I think would be better as, "My first thought was: Am I dead? "
Also there seems to have been a problem when you have copied and pasted the item. There are spaces where there should not be spaces and words in the wrong place. You may want to edit this.
Hello Sinbad, how are you? I have just read your poem, "My Child," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I see exactly what you mean, a lot of parents today do tend to use children as something to compete with rather than simply their child. Unfortunately some children will then suffer bullying from their peers if they do not wear the latest shoes or own the latest gadget.
I would suggest you use the word and rather than &. it would make the read much nicer.
Hello Peter, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " Fragrance Shop," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
There are very few perfumes that I like. I find the smells too strong and cheap perfumes are dreadful.
I could almost smell them while reading your poem.
This line: " That’s what meets you on its corridor," its should be it's.
I like the last two lines best I think probably it is going to one's brain.
Hello Temagami, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your song lyrics," Why Did You Have To Go?" which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A sad song of mother and daughter who seem to have suffered a lot of hurt in their lives.
I think a chorus would go well in this, rather than just verses.
Also in the first verse:
So much hurt,
grief and sorrow.
So many harsh words
that pierces like arrows
The last line would be better with the word pierce rather that pierces.
Hello Ada, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your children's poem, " The Lost City," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
What a lovely poem. The story of Atlantis washed away all those years ago.
I like all the poem, but this verse is my favourite: "
Where rainbow colored tapestries
Hung down from marble walls
And flowers bursting with bright hues
Sweetly scented every hall.
Hello M.J.Memoirs, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your chapter," The Legend Of The Caped Mandarian," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
The chapter is a little too short for me to quite understand what the story is leading to, however, I am sure all will be revealed in further chapters.
It does need a lot of editing. For example: a new line should start each time someone speaks. Also calling your main character, "the new kid," is not very interesting.
This line: "the mysterious black kid, goes, "Who are you?" "Would be better using the word said rather than goes.
Hello Charlie, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just come across your poem," I've Never Written A Poem," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
In answer to your question, yes this is a poem. Considering you put together seven six word stories, they fit together quite well. A description of someone, perhaps a loved one.
Not sure of this line: "Grey cardigan, blue jeans, black tee." Did you mean black tie?
Not a bad little poem considering you have never written one before. The only suggestion is, I think you should change the title.
Hello J.E. Durham, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " A Gift From A Monster," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
A very sad story and of course this sort of thing actually happens. I cannot imagine how people cope with this kind of thing. However, this one thankfully, is fiction.
Hello Kwillsen, how are you? I have just read your poem," A Cleaner's Lot," which I found on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
This made me laugh, a fabulous poem and I could not help but sing along to your cleaner's song.
I live in wales too and I can pronounce the name of that village. Although most call it Llanfair pg for short.
Hello Sara, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your children's poem, " Ballad Of The Fat And Ugly,"
I like the way you have presented the poem, short verses, and the names, "Sir Snoresalot," and Mrs Grizzles." However I am not sure of the content. To be honest I would not want my children to read something called , "The Ballad Of The Fat And Ugly," I do not think it gives a good impression and could lead to bullying. After all we are all different. Perhaps I am just being over sensitive it just does not really do anything for me, others may feel different.
Hello Shimmer, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem," I'm Just Here, Mr. Coming Soon," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I think this is a great idea. All single people should write a letter to the man or woman they hope to meet soon. It reminds me of, "Dear Future Husband."
Suggestions: This line: "To where the hell are you hiding for so long? " The word, "to," should not be there.
Also this line: "It seems like they are really excited to meet you much more than I do." " I do," should be "I am."
Hello Juliet, how are you? I have just read your poem, "The Window," and thought I would leave some comments.
I love to look out of the window, in day light or at night. I imagine all sorts of things outside the window, I agree with you it certainly is a happy place.
Nice poem, however, I am a little confused by the last verse :
"Oh the window is so pretty,
Thank goodness it's not by the city,
Just like my mothers blouse,
The window is the happiest place in the house."
I am wondering about your mother's blouse. Did you mean her blouse is also happy, in the city or pretty? It reads as though her blouse is also the happiest place in the house.
Hello Shreyans, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " Smile," and thought I would leave some comments.
All of the things that happened, that each person in the story did, would lead us to believe they were doing wrong. However, you story shows us that we need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Very good message.
Ok, there is a lot of editing to be done. Paragraph spacing, capital letters at the start of each sentence and spelling mistakes.
English is not your first language?
If you need any help with your editing please e-mail me and I will help as best I can.
Hello T, Moore, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem,"religion," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Well in only five words you have said it all. This is very true, it does divide all and is the cause of most fighting.
Hello Alexandra, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item,: An Eating Disorder," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Eating disorders are something I have never really understood. Never having one myself it is difficult to relate to.
But I do not think we can put the blame on someone else, because if they have never suffered, then they will not understand either. I think the people close to the person suffering the disorder needs to be educated on the subject before they are able to help.
Suggestions: I would break this up in to paragraphs rather than one really long one.
Hello A E Haas, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " The Beast," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I like poems with few words, I think a lot can be said in a short poem.
I have read quite a few of the beast within poems, it seems a popular thing to write about.
I suppose we all have a little beast inside, I have not met mine yet and hope I never will.
Hello ed, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item,"Thoughts On The Language Of Death," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Interesting subject if a little morbid. I think sometimes it depends on beliefs, as well as were we come from, as to which terms we use for death. Personally I prefer to say passed away.
You ask what would be an unnatural death. Usually suicide or perhaps an accident.
Also the term , "welcome release," would be if the person had suffered a lot of pain.
Hello ECF Doyle, how are you? I have just read your poem. "Hibiscus," and thought I would leave some comments.
I quite like your little poem and especially liked the lines: " Kisses the day, withers,
And is forgotten."
However, I did not think it suitable for Hibiscus. Hibiscus is a perennial
and will come back year after year, so not really forgotten. tea can also be made from hibiscus flowers.
Best wishes.
Sanita
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