Hello Nabell, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem," Unrequited," and thought I would leave some comments.
First of all, I am not sure of your choice of title, as the poem contradicts it. One knows they feel a lot for the other and the other always finds a way to stay. As they both feel the same it is not unrequited.
Secondly, there is no such word as dunno.
My favourite lines:
Is it a mere attraction, or destiny at play?
I guess, it's rightly said, whatever is meant to be will always finds its way.
It is very true, what is meant to be will surely happen.
Hello catness, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Stay," and thought I would leave some comments.
You poem shows how much you appreciate your friend and I am sure she/he appreciates your kind words.
Suggestion: I do find this too repetitive. For example theses lines:
"I know how you feel
I know your pain
I know how it hurts ,"
I feel you can say exactly the same thing with only , "I know," at the beginning and not every line.
Something like this this:
"I know how you feel,
your pain
and how it hurts."
Too much repetition can make the reader not want to read on.
Hello Fabio, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your item, "Divorce," and thought I would leave some comments.
It is strange how some people get on far better when they are apart and this seems to work for you.
Firstly, I would try to elaborate a little on this. it seems rather hurried and some parts do not make sense. For example this line:
" You can lead a horse to water, and you ought to kill it there so then you can have your meat and eat it too. Sooo, what does that mean?"
I am not sure your meaning here as the item is about divorce.
Also you list it under poetry, when it is more of an article perhaps.
Hello Burney, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Hate Me As I Hate You," and thought I would leave some comments.
Sounds like a love hate relationship.
I have some suggestions: Most of lines begin with ,"I hate," I find this too repetitive as it is quite a long poem.
This verse:
"I hate you,
I hate everything about you.,
I hate it when you correct me where I am wrong
I hate it when you say I am stupid,
I hate that."
I feel would read better if you only started the first and last line with ,"I hate"
"I hate you,
everything about you.,
when you correct me where I am wrong
when you say I am stupid,
I hate that."
You would still be saying the same thing without the repetition.
Hello anonymouswriter, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem,"Angel Of My Life," and thought I would leave some comments.
It is lovely to have nieces and nephews and your poem shows how much love you have for your nephew.
My favourite lines:
"Like a single drop of rain
Your smile eased all our pain."
Suggestions: I feel some of the lines are too long and it makes it a little bumpy to read. For example these lines:
"May you have a blissful life
With no regrets and no strife
Let the world be delighted by your presence
A miracle we believed in by your essence."
Too many syllables in the last two lines.
Also this line: "You've happened to capture our hearts," does not sound right. I think perhaps either, "You happened to capture our hearts," or, "You captured our hearts."
Hello Llya. how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. "I have just read your prologue, "Midnight Breaker," and thought I would leave some comments.
I did not really understand this very well. So far I think it is about a memory machine, that is, a memory machine that erases memories.
The young girl who appears to be strapped to the machine, you have not given her a name. Is that deliberate?
Some parts you have repeated, for example these:
"The doctor's voice startled her and she opens her eyes to look around once more. She realizes that this is not a nightmare but a horrible reality."
"Upon hearing the doctor's voice, she opens her eyes and shes looks around again, now realizing that this is no nightmare. Yet, a horrible reality."
The story could be quite interesting, however for now , it does need a lot of editing.
Hello Lindae, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your prologue, "A Gift From The Gods," and thought I would leave some comments.
I thought this an excellent piece of writing. It drew me in from the start and I could not stop reading. I am sure the novel will be just as gripping.
A very enjoyable read and I have no suggestions for improvement.
Hello Mina, how are you? A belated welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying your time here. I have just read your poem, "A New Beginning," and thought I would leave some comments.
It is nice to see the new year with a promise of spring on it's way and a bright future ahead.
I like these lines:
"I hope this year does no crime.
No war, no fear & no mistakes."
I hope so too.
Suggestions: I do not like the use of & instead of the word and. I think it looks much better written.
Also the word new is used quite a lot, perhaps if you you could take some of them out. Too much repetition can become a little boring to read.
Hello Zebra spots. how are you? A belated welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Cloak," and thought I would leave some comments.
I quite liked this, it shows how we try to shield ourselves from things that may hurt us.
I think my favourite verse is the last one:
I use my cloak to hide myself,
to keep away the doom.
But suddenly it came to me,
this cloak is now my tomb.
A sudden realisation that we have hidden away too long perhaps.
A good rhyming sequence, however, I did find the rhythm off, for instance in these two lines:
Where once I used to live my life,
a distant zombie takes my place.
You could leave out the word."distant," to make it read more even.
Also I am not keen on your use of text slang: N instead of and.
A good poem, with a bit of editing it could be better than it already is.
Hi Ken, how are you? I have just read your poem, " It Doesn't Seem Like Christmas," which I found on the news feed, and thought I would leave some comments.
I love all your poems and this is no exception. It is so true, Christmas is not the same without children.
I hate to say I stumbled on a line in one of your poems, but I did! This one I am afraid: "as they search for one more." Perhaps it is the way I read it and it does not make the poem any less wonderful.
Hello Cyndi, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, This Time," and thought I would leave some comments.
I am not fond of non rhyming poetry, however, I thought this beautiful. Discovering yourself once again and a new beginning.
My favourite line:
"Could you be in the pictures of a long buried past erased but not forgotten?"
Hello Montgomery, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. You will find a lot of good people here, all willing to help.
I have just read your poem, "Love So Far Apart," and thought I would leave some comments.
Long distance love is never easy and I like the way you express this in your poem. Of course,when we finally meet our long distance lover, it could also bring disappointment. However, I should not think of that.
You have a good rhyming sequence in your poem, although I did find the lines a little too long which makes the rhythm a little bumpy.
Hello Don, how are you? I have just read your poem, "Schmoo," and thought I would leave some comments.
I must say, I do like your humorous poems, this one is no exception. I like the rhyming sequence, however, I did stumble a little on the rhythm of the first verse.
Hello Elyana Shamengaia, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Without Words," and thought I would leave some comments.
Title is catching, we can often say so much without saying anything at all.
You have a good rhyming sequence, however, I feel for a rhyming poem it should also have good rhythm. Some of your lines are too long, for example these lines:
"Embraced in his strong arms,
Those deep brown depths staring down at me charms,"
The second line reads too long and also it should be, "my charms," not, "me charms."
Your poem shows a lot of emotion and I feel with some editing it could be better than it already is.
Hello Dan.N. how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "A Night To Remember," and thought I would leave some comments.
Hmm a spooky night, I wonder if it could have been a dream.
I found that this read more like a little story than a poem. There are also quite a few mistakes, I shall just give a couple of examples.
This line: "The air was cold, sent chills down my spines," you only have one spine.
This line: "I've never own a dog for God's sake," should be ," I've never owned a dog for God's sake,"
Also a few punctuation mistakes, too many to go into. However, I see it is for the writers cramp and I do understand the entries have to be ready quickly and mistakes are easy done.
Hello Jamaris, how are you? Thank you for your entry in the "Invalid Item" . I am afraid your entry must be disqualified as it contains much more than 100 words.
However, once again thank you for entering and please try again next round which begins 1/1/2015.
Hello Jezebel, how are you? Welcome to WDC, I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " Jacobs House," and thought I would leave some comments.
I quite enjoyed this little tale. A castle built on love. I loved the way the story progressed and I think children would enjoy it too, with perhaps some dialogue and a little more descriptive.
Hello Poetry May, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I see you joined on Christmas day. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "My Friend," and thought I would leave some comments.
I wonder how many of us go through this experience. A friend finds someone they find more interesting and leave us behind. It does hurt, but then, perhaps they were not a friend after all.
You have good rhyme, except the first verse. I think if each verse rhymes it would flow a lot better.
Nice poem expressing how it feels to lose someone you thought was a friend.
Hello arkwright, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " friends," and thought I would leave some comments.
It is nice to have friends and you express how you feel about that in your poem. However, I feel there is something missing. The first line: " For these are the days, when we feel alive." suggests there is an explanation of what days and yet you have no line before it. Also, because of who, should be because of whom.
Hello Cher, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your lyrics, " Chances, ( Don't Be Discouraged)," and thought I would leave some comments.
I always find it difficult to review song lyrics as I try read it like poetry and of course it is not. However, I like the message your words give. We should never let anything discourage us.
Hello Krussell01193, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Tell Me Why," and thought I would leave some comments.
It is never easy when one parent leaves as you have shown in your poem. We feel we are not wanted and feel resentment. I believe those feelings fade in time and as we get older we can see the bigger picture.
Suggestions: In the first line, I think you left a word out, "I wanted to you why, I was so cold."
Hello MichaelP, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Sadness," and thought I would leave some comments.
I must say, it is good to come across a poem that rhymes! You also have a good rhythm to it.
Hi Amy, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Isn't So Bad," and thought I would leave some comments.
I actually enjoyed this little read. I think children would like and it teaches them that we all unique. I also think it would make a lovely little picture book for children.
The only thing I did not like is the title. I know the words of the title are used a lot in the poem and I assume that is why you used it. Just my opinion, but I think something a little more imaginative.
Hello Memma1989, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Lucky Star," and thought I would leave some comments.
Your poem shows your appreciation of friends. I think it is good to know we have friends who are always there for us.
Suggestions: Your poem seems to speak of one best friend and then a number of friends, making it a little jumbled.
Example:
The last two verses.
Now as i am older
you could call us a pair
our looks,wit,and charm
are only a few that we share.
My world is only whole
with them by my side
having them always
to love and to guide.
In the first verse you speak of you and one as a pair and then contradict that in the next verse by speaking of them. It does make it a little confusing to read. Also the word I, as in I am, should always be a capital letter.
Hello Libster, how are you? A belated welcome to WDC. I hope you are enjoying your time here.
I have just read your item, "Invisible Pain," and thought I would leave some comments.
You are absolutely right of course, words do hurt as much as sticks and stones. Words are very powerful and we should always take care what we say to people, because once said, it can never be taken back.
Well written and very wise piece.
Thank you for sharing.
Sanita
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and it does not make the poem any less wonderful.