Hello Patrick, how are you? I have just read your story," A Night In The Life Of a Cabbie," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
Firstly I did enjoy the story, the imagery is good as is the plot. The only criticism I have is that the beginning does not go with what the cabbie actually did see.
Your first paragraph, " In his rear view mirror, the cabdriver saw a scene that was totally unexpected. He was utterly shocked by what he saw. He had been a cabdriver in New York City for the past 12 years and never did he ever witness the situation that presented itself before him now."
Yet as the story progresses, he did not see anything from his rear view mirror. He assumed the passengers were pulling a prank on their drunk friend by leaving him there. He only noticed the man was injured when he turned to ask him if he was alright.
Hello Erasmus91, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Creativity Is Like A Cat," which I found on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
I laughed at your unintended pun.
This does not sound much like my cat, she just sleeps.
Hello cdog222, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem," I Will Always Love Her," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I play guitar too, so I know exactly how you feel. I would not be without mine.
Great little poem, however, I would have liked to see this rhymed and in verses.
Hello R.A Reader, how are you? I have just read your poem, "Before Her Wedding," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I have never experienced this myself, however, I imagine it is difficult to watch a daughter get married. but, also a very happy event too.
Suggestions: I am wondering why you have the whole poem underlined and quite a lot of words in capital letters.
Unfortunately this does it make it look a little messy and puts the reader off a little.
Hello markusac, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "She Weeps," which I found on the random reviews,and thought I would leave some comments.
I have read a lot of poems with this title in the last few days. Are they for a contest? Or perhaps a prompt?
It is sad when children think it their fault their parents split up. Of course it never is the child's fault.
Sad little poem.
Suggestions: I think there are too many commas that are not needed.
For example: "As her father walks away, she weeps," there is no need for the comma there and also in a few of the other lines too.
Hello little-ronnie, thank you for your entry, "The Promise Of Spring," in the "Invalid Item" .
I like this and I cannot wait for the sounds of the birds too.
I like the way you have used the title in each verse.
My favourite verse, although I like it all, is the last one.
"I remember the warmth of the summer sunshine.
A picnic in the park with cheese and wine.
But all of this waits like everything.
As we live each day, for the promise of Spring."
Hello skturtles, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Greener," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
We always think the grass is greener on the other side, it rarely is.
But still, it does not hurt to wonder.
I like your poem, but I would like to see it in four line verses rather than in one.
Hello NannaDoodles, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Dance," and thought I would leave some comments.
I like dance, but I confess I never could. It is quite nice to watch though.
Some parts of your poem are almost like a song. That is a good thing.
However, I do not like the short, repetitive lines of the first and second verses:
"Dance,
The heat,
The feel of the beat.
The heart,
The soul,
The price,
The toll."
I think it would read better if you took out some of the word,"the."
For example:
"Dance,
the heat
and feel of the beat.
Hello Jay, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Phrases," and thought I would leave some comments.
I completely agree with your poem, words do hurt us. The sticks and stones may leave scars outside, but words scar us inside and more often than not stay with us forever.
Suggestion: This line: But see now, its getting worst the words are turning," the word worst, should be worse.
Also these lines:
"The world we live in is totally different from theirs
From back then."
I think would be better if you leave out the second, "from."
Hello Brooke, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem," Blinded By Success," and thought I would leave some comments.
I am not really a lover of non- rhyming poetry, however, I do like the message you give here.
Too many of us look back or plan our future, without realising we are living now and now is what matters. No one is ever promised a tomorrow.
Hello Wordwarrior, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Mistress," and thought I would leave some comments.
Ah forbidden love. I think it always a mistake to hope they will one day leave who are with, they rarely do.
Suggestions: You seem to use too many commas. Most are not needed.
For example:
Hi Mina, thank you for your entry," My Best Season," in the "Invalid Item" .
What a lovely poem, I really like this.
The first verse is really nice:
" Where did you get your beautiful dress?
Who made over your pretty face
You have made air fragrant and new
Oh. My beautiful spring I always love you"
Hello LAdams, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Just A Scalp," and thought I would leave some comments.
Unfortunately people will stare, it is ridiculous really, there are a lot of people without hair.
Your poem shows you just get on with it and do not let it bother you. Good for you and nice little poem.
Remember to fill in your portfolio header, let people know a little about you.
Hi Diamond Jim, how are you? Just a quick not to say, as you have not written this yet, you would be best to set it to private. That way you will stop reviews till you are ready.
Hello forhersake, how are you? welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Foolish Heart," which I found on the Newbie listing, and thought I would leave some comments.
Ah the foolish heart, I think we all have a foolish heart at times.
I quite enjoyed the poem, however, it did lose it's rhyme once or twice, for example: "tongue and own," also, "away and again."
My favourite verse:
"You whispered sweet nothings in my ear
Promised his love was mine to keep
Then crippled me with fear
Stinging my eyes as I sob and weep."
Hello Penelope, how are you? I have just read your poem,"The Anticipated Snow Day," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
It is strange that I came across this as, at the moment, we are having huge flakes of snow falling.
I really enjoyed this, the things children will do to stay off school and play in the snow!
I loved the last part:
"Let this experience be a lesson, my dear,
As it is perfectly clear,
I am no fool
And you are going to school.
Hello K31th, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "The Road To The Long Gone Home," which I found on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
I would have loved to have grown up on a farm, I worked at one, but that is not quite the same. Your farm sounds great and you obviously had a really good childhood there.
There is a hint that you miss it in your poem.
Suggestions: I did think the title is a little long, however, I can see why you called it that. Also I would like to the poem in four line verses.
Hello Hungryblob, how are you? I have just read your story, "Why Did It Come To This?" Which I found on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
I really enjoyed this story, very clever. I love the medieval theme and the imagery is excellent.
Only one suggestions: This line: “No worries! I am a master bowman!” I handed him my bow and a quiver of arrows and the journey continued."
Given the times the story is set in, I do not think the phrase," no worries," would have been part of their vocabulary.
Hello Cowboy Slim, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your lyrics, "Damaged Goods," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
I thought this a very well written song, telling a story of a man no one wanted to help till it was too late. This often happens unfortunately.
I could imagine this being sung to country and western music, but perhaps I am wrong?
Hello Elle Jay, how are you? I have just read your, "Dear Me," which I found on the random reviews, and thought I would leave some comments.
That trip to Malaysia sounds good and I hope you achieve your goal to travel and see the world.
Suggestions: I think the letter could have done with being a little longer and more specific. Also it does not read as though you are talking to yourself.
However, it is quite a goal and as I said, I hope you achieve it.
Best wishes.
Sanita
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