Hello Diana Joyce  ! and thank you for submitting your work HER to "♦The Review Pool♦ [Hiatus]"  .
Overall Impression:
 Format – Good spacing between paragraphs making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content - I must confess that this was a difficult read, and if it hadn’t been requested for a review, I would not have read through it all. As a writer, you should do your best to proofread your work (reading it over and over and over again until you get sick of it – sometimes ), and go through a spell check in whatever program you use to write, before asking for reviews or putting it out for others to rate. Such stories can throw off a reader, at first glance no matter how good the plot might be. With that said, you certainly have a good idea going for this horror story. Here are two girls, the best of friends apparently, who are killed in some weird way. Perhaps they both fell off the ledge? And the narrator feels guilty for killing her best friend even if she didn’t. But then come the problems. There were some sections that not only had me confused, but had me questioning what they had to do with the story at all – for instance the teacher kissing scene. Granted the narrator was out of her mind at that point, but I didn’t really think it was necessary. And the last paragraph…??? I think I’m still trying to comprehend exactly what went on there, since it seems as if both girls are dead and yet…not.
Characterization – Your narrator certainly shows some traits of most teens who have faced death and react to it. She becomes somewhat delusional and suicidal, stabbing herself with a knife in the hopes of getting rid of her guilt. Personally, I don’t endorse cutting and found that scene to be rather out of taste and not quite necessary, but then again, people have different ways of dealing with different situations. The narrator’s friend isn’t given a name, and almost seems mysterious in this story. Is she even real to begin with? I sort of got the sense that she might just be a figment of the narrator’s imagination at the end of it all. To be honest, I would have like to know more about her, but I assume that was the ‘horror’ element you were going for.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>> hoping the next one is not you, ( yet hoping that it is ),
(There should be no space between the brackets and the first and last words within it)
>> She starts to slip and I look over the bike rail we were sitting upon that only a minute ago was 2 feet down, now at least 200.
(The underlined section makes the sentence a bit confusing. I think you were trying to say: She starts to slip, and I look over the bike rail we were sitting upon, which only a minute ago was two feet down, now looked to be at least 200 feet. Notice where the commas are within the sentence, and how they help to make for a much smoother and understandable read.)
>> I grabbed(grab){/b) her hand, Help me she pleaded(pleads) softly.
(Since the rest of your story is in the present tense, you should maintain that tone throughout the piece instead of switching tenses back and forth so often, that way the timeline does not confuse the reader. Also, since the girl is ‘speaking’, her words should be within quotation marks. I grab her hand. “Help me,” she pleads softly. Also, I’m not quite sure how someone who is about to fall, would plead softly. I would think she’d be in a panic, or terrified. Hence, the words, screamed, yelled, shouted might be in order.)
>> Her short blonde hair pasted to her face from the fears sweat! Just as I think I have her and I tell her so, she smiles at me, her small green eyes so full of trust, 'Than I don't know why but I let her go'! I can hear her terrified scream "WHY" as she slips to a horrible death.
(Grammar and punctuation errors fill this particular section and it makes for a rather difficult read. In this section, it seemed as if you were writing a set of sentences with no real structure. There are quotation marks where there shouldn’t be, and you should also not be afraid to put dialogue in separate lines so they don’t get lost in the narrative. The underlined section is something that doesn’t quite seem to fit in this section, unless it’s re-phrased to fit in to the events. In this case, the section would be re-written as: Her short blonde hair is stuck to her face with sweat. Just as I think I have her, and tell her so, she smiles at me, her small green eyes so full of trust. Then, without warning, I let her go. I can hear her terrified scream, “Why?!” as she slips to a horrible death.)
>> I awake dripping in a cold sweat, Why.. why do I always let her go?
(Change the comma after ‘sweat’ to a period. Your ellipses (…) should be three dots instead of two as per standard)
>> I know she died in a car accident, but in my head, in my dreams 'I kill her,' It still feels the same
(Change the comma after ‘her’ to a period. I’d also suggest putting the phrase ‘I kill her’ in italics for more effect instead of the single quotation marks.)
>> If I was not to let her go than(then) outside of my dreams (,) would she live?
>> The following Tuesday (,) I return to school, after missing a week. The teacher watches me carefully as I take me(my) seat.
>> My eyes (,) slowly as if I had(have) no control (,)look at the empty seat next to mine.
(Remember to always place commas between phrases that are not really necessary within a sentence. And another rule, that I will not point out again, since it seems to dot the rest of your piece, is the change of tense. Again, since you are speaking with the present, make sure that you maintain that tone throughout the rest of your piece.)
>> Its the best gift anyone has ever given me and fits me so well she had said the day after her birthday when I got to her old run down apt.
(The girl is apparently speaking and there are no quotation marks to show that. ”It’s the best gift anyone has ever given me, and fits me so well,” she said the day, after her birthday, when I went to her old run down apartment. You must write the word ‘apt’ in full since that has a completely different meaning if you check it up in the dictionary.)
>> She was poor (,) but she had an amazing mother who took an avid interested in her daughter(‘)s life.
>> Last week that took her from me and throes(those) who loved her.
>> I'm so sorry I scream, Everyone stops. I can feel their looks of pity.
(Again, you have someone speaking and no quotation marks. ”I’m so sorry,” I scream. change the comma after ‘scream’ to a period.)
>> The teacher runs to my side and I raise my tear streaked face and smile, in my messed up head I was remembering how much her and I liked this one, I push my salty lips to the teacher(‘)s and kiss them passionately.
(The ‘cut’ means that you should have that separated as new sentences. Also the underlined section would read better if written as: In my messed up head, I remembered how much we both liked this one.)
>> Softly the teach(er) pushes me away
>> "Call 911 I hear someone yell, Feeling hands all over me carrying me to I don't know where."
(And now we have quotation marks where they shouldn’t be. ”Call 911!” I hear someone yell, feeling hands all over me, carrying me to a place I do not know.)
>> As it repeats itself (,) I watch myself let her go (,)and as she opens her mouth to scream (,)I awake in my room, my blankets to my neck, feeling suffocated I sit up.
>> And a knife, A knife?
(Change the comma to a period)
>> I know why, she knows I killed her, She most know..
(Change the commas to periods and delete the extra one at the end of ‘know’)
>> Almost like another member of the family (,) my mother would always say.
>> We clicked from the moment we seen(saw) each other 7 years ago in 4th grade.
>> She came up to me her hair not much longer than but her eyes her green eyes always the same, small and so very friendly.
(A confusing section that should be re-written. I’m sure you were trying to compare her physical attributes, but this can be said in a different way.)
>> Hi I remember her saying, would you like to be my friend?
(”Hi,” I remember her saying, “Would you like to be my friend?” Quotation marks again.)
>> From that day on we were like Siamese twins, We would finish each other(s) sentences or pick up the phone before it rang just knowing one of us needed to talk!
>> Than(Then) with out even thinking (,) with out even a pause (,) I lift the knife and strike my wrist deep and hard, I could(can) feel the dark warm liquid as it seeps down my arm.
(‘Without’ should be one word)
>> Growing cold and dizzy, I collapsed(collapse) to the ground.
>> ' Darkness quickly subdues me.' Once again I am in my dream.' only' something is different, she is in my place and I am in hers!
(Why is the first phrase in quotation marks? Delete the period after ‘dream’ and I think the word you want emphasized in this is ‘different’ instead of ‘only’)
>> I start to slip and she reaches out and grabs my hand, help me I pleaded softly, I got you she whispered.
(I start to slip and she reaches out and grabs my hand. “Help me,” I plead softly.
“I got you,” she whispers.)
>> ' I feel this tremendous pressure' and as quickly as it came its gone. I
(Not sure why that is in single quotation marks. I feel this tremendous pressure, and as quickly as it comes, it’s gone.)
>>I open my eyes and look next to myself(beside me), there she was(is) laying next to me (,) our blood(bodies?) touching, We sit up and she looks at me.
>>What's going on I whisper? Were dead she answers quietly..
(”What’s going on?” I whisper.
“We’re dead,” she answers quietly. Notice that these are on separate lines. You’re definitely going to have to work on improving your dialogue skills, or rather I hope they have improved with your other stories.)
As you can see, you certainly have a lot of work to do with this story. Lots of polishing and editing are in order and I sincerely hope you do so, since you have a good storyline hidden within this. Thanks again for sending it to the forum and if you’d like a re-rate, feel free to send it back. Write on.
** Image ID #1072658 Unavailable **
 
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Okay, this was uniquely done for its subject matter, and I’m sure readers will be lost (as I was) with all the big words used in this. I think I had to go flip through my dictionary a few times to find out what some of them meant. The bottom line (no pun intended *lol*) is that the story is a humorous one of two friends at Taco Bell with…eh…the age ol’ question of ‘Whodunnit? And don’t blame me, either. Blame something else’ routine. The title of the short piece is odd at first, but read it a second or third time and those of you familiar with the term, will come to understand just what it means. 
Nicely done. 
Should have known better? f*** him the self-absorbed bastard. The least he could do is give me one minute of his attention. When he wants to talk every body else has to listen. 
