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426
Review of Starry Night  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hallo again ridinghhood-p.boutilier !*Smile*. I’m reviewing your work Starry Night on behalf of Simply Everything

Overall Impression:

Short and sweet and oh, so Christmasy! *Bigsmile* I like the way you've stated a simple yet fun event that celebrates the season, especially sharing it with the family. Good use of the ML tags and the animated image to make the piece more festive.

Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! *Smile*



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427
427
Review of Exam Anxiety  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hallo luvleepoet and welcome to WDC!*Smile* I will be reviewing your work Exam Anxiety

Overall Impression:

Wow, I'm very impressed with this piece. Not only do you manage to capture the pressure and the doubt that inflicts the person who is faced with such a daunting task, you make us feel those emotions as well. I swear I became 'nervous' just thinking about all those exams I took in the past (painful flashbacks of school and all that. *Laugh*
This had a very good flow and rhythm even though it was written in the free verse form. Great job!

I will be featuring you as one of our newbies to watch out for in the "The WDC Angel Army. So keep on writing! *Bigsmile*


The WDC Army Angels
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C-Note Alley  (E)
Pay a visit to several c-note shops with a little something for everyone.
#1092992 by iKïyå§ama

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428
428
Review of BORN A MIRACLE  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hallo SHERRI GIBSON !*Smile*. I’m reviewing your work Born a Miracle on behalf of Simply Everything

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: The poet takes a religious turn in the true meaning of Christmas in this piece. Christians are reminded of the birth of Jesus Christ, and why this holiday season is celebrated because of his birth. You have a good rhyming scheme with this and the flow of the piece was great as well. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt and warm poem with us. Here’s wishing you a Happy Holiday season! *Smile*

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429
429
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again murf ! *Smile* This is Review #5 as part of your winnings in the "Invalid Item

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between paragraphs making the story more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: Gah, you really had me going there for a moment! *Laugh* I was getting into Colonel Simmons plans and then poof! You spring us a quite an interesting surprise at the end. This was a very well written piece of flash fiction, one that deals with a young war general in charge of a well-organized troop in what we can only assume as part of the WW1 units. He’s a man who knows his soldiers well and they respect him in kind. Victory is assured for them in their next assault in enemy territory, however, one thing stands between our general and imminent victory – what is that? You’ll just have to read to find out.

*Note*Pluses +
*Check1* You have a good knowledge of military tactics/lingo that made the story quite believable and realistic.
*Check2* The dialogue, where used, couldn’t have been timed more perfectly. I’m still laughing at that section.
*Check3* There was a good flow to this, and in not so many words, you were still able to make your main character likeable and quite interesting.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>> “Randy, it(‘)s dinner time.”

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Overall, this was a fun story and I’m glad I clicked on it. I was this close to giving it up since I saw the ‘military’ like title and feared it would be filled with so much historical facts that I would get lost within it. However, this was a pleasant surprise, thanks so much for sharing. It’s been a pleasure browsing through your portfolio! Keep on writing! *Smile*


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430
430
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again murf ! *Smile* This is Review #2 as part of your winnings in the "Invalid Item

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: This is a poem that’s supposed to tell of the writer’s inability to write a poem. However (and quite ironic) is that this turns out to be not just a good poem, but one that manages to have a rhyming scheme and is quite funny. *Smile* One of the few lines that stood out to me was:

Iambic pentameter, dactylic tetrameter
It’s all Greek to me
Poetry is much too technical
Simplicity, that is the key


I’d have to agree with you wholeheartedly! Getting into the world of poetry is a challenge in itself and those who write it effortlessly, are truly lucky and talented.

Thanks for sharing this little but humorous slice of life and keep on writing! *Smile*

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#1170571 by iKïyå§ama

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431
431
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (3.5)

Hello Rich *Smile* and thank you for submitting your work A Dragon At The Door to "♦The Review Pool♦ [Hiatus].

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Generally, you have good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue. However, I’m not sure if you directly copied and pasted from your word document to the WDC page, because you had some paragraphs where lines seemed to be ‘cut’ off, making them look uneven.

*Note*Content: This is a fantasy story with settings to match the theme. We are introduced to a young warrior by the name of Emicarn, who stumbles across a fight in which he really doesn’t want to be a part of. However, his penchant to help others in need takes over and he finds himself rescuing the black-clad swordsman from the clutches of the villain. In gratitude, the mysterious man gives Emicarn a gift, which will end up becoming useful when he least expects it.

*Note*Pluses +
.*Check1* You definitely know your fantasy or rather have a good feel for it, since your words seemed to capture the essence of that world quite well.
*Check2* You do a relatively good job with the action scenes, but a few things had me puzzled, and they’re mentioned below.
*Check3* The dialogue was excellent and you managed to keep the tone in that formal way that’s used in most stories of this nature.
*Check4* Your characters (especially Emicarn) were quite unique and interesting in their own ways. You gave them personalities that make them stand out.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>A few clouds blew across the face of the full moon as Emicarn's(Emicarn) crept

>>Moving among the trunks Emicarn (,) could see a faint light visible in a clearing just ahead.
(Always place a comma after the introductory phrase of a sentence.)

>>A body lay next to the fire, one arm in the flames, obviously this man was beyond caring.
(I would suggest re-writing this to either:A body lay next to the fire, one arm in the flames. Obviously, this man was beyond caring. or A body lay next to the fire with one arm in the flames. It was obvious this man was beyond caring.)

>>"Give up yet Black Crow?", jeered the axe man the black clad man fended off another set of attacks by the swordsman.
(Besides the wrong use of the comma after the question mark in the dialogue, the sentence was slightly confusing as you seem to join two ideas together. I’d suggest re-writing this to:”Give up yet, Black Crow?” jeere the axe man. The black-clad man fended off another set of attacks by the swordsman. )

>>"Why give up when the odds are so much more in my favor?" asked the man in reply.(response)

>>Parrying furiously (,) he managed to fend off most receiving a few cuts.
>>Moving out from between two trees (,) Emicarn grabbed the bowman from behind.

>>Furiously as the axe wielder swung several more times as Emicarn backpedaled from the large axe wielder.(him)
(The use of ‘axe wielder’ twice in the same sentence sounds redundant)

>>Relying more on brute strength then(than) skill, he was still a dangerous opponent.

>>Let him go (,) my friend.

>>The Black clad man slowly
(Why is ‘Black’ suddenly capitalized in that sentence when it hasn’t been in the previous paragraphs?)

>>Dragging the bodies of the dead off into the woods, Emicarn laid the man gently up on the rugs, covering him.

>>And as it turned out through the next two days as well as fever racked the man's body.
(This was a rather confusing sentence. I’d suggest changing it to: As it turned out, the next two days were dire ones as fever racked through the man’s body.)

>>As they ate, the man shared with Emicarn (that) he was traveling to his home

>>Used by a friend until he died during Emicarn's last campaign (,) it brought back more happy memories then sad.

>>golden filigree pattern over its' surface.
(Delete the apostrophe in underlined word)

>>This day had ended however with Emicarn standing over one of the young ruffians, he'd not even both to learn the man's name, after a solid punch to the man's face.
(This section is confusing and needs to be rewritten so the reader is able to comprehend the action taking place.)

>>"Do Not Trouble This Place Again."
(Instead of capitalizing each word in the sentence, perhaps you can try italicizing or bolding it for emphasis.)

>>As he watched (,)the man looked back over his shoulder,
(Without the comma, the sentence loses its true meaning.)

>>and both (were) quite dead given the large, tearing wounds of their chests.

>>As he sad, (sat?) the laughter barely controlled, tears beginning to fall down his face,

>>Personally, I find it hard to write fight scenes, because one has to be careful of who is doing what and to whom and how, when setting up such a thing. While reading the scene between Emicarn, the black-clad man and the others, it got a bit confusing and I almost lost my train of thought, struggling to keep up with who was dealing with who at some point. Try to use more adjectives to describe the individuals in the fight even if you do not want to reveal their names. Make each character a bit more distinct, so they don’t all blend in and get lost in the narrative.

>>I also noticed you did not put the punctuation – the question mark – at the end of sentences where the character has clearly asked a question.

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

As you can see, the story needs a bit more editing, but you do have a good storyline here and Emicarn’s tale is quite fascinating. I wish you the best of luck and thank you for sharing. Keep on writing! *Smile*


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#1092645 by iKïyå§ama

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432
432
Review of A very bad day  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello DayDream-please RnR *Smile*. I am a guest judge for
Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox  (ASR)
A monthly contest that focuses on Genre writing. CLOSED for the Summer.
#1092898 by StephBee


Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between paragraphs making the story more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: You know, if I hadn’t read your bio, I would have thought you were actually writing this from experience. However, you are involved in the military, directly or indirectly, and I was simply blown away by the realism and intensity of this story. We are taken into the day of a soldier, in no doubt, modern day Middle East where the harsh realities of war are seen on a daily basis. We experience the raid and the unfortunate but tragic events that follow suit.

*Note*Pluses +
*Check1* One of the first things that struck me with this story is the use of imagery and powerful ones at that. There are many examples I can point out, but one such sentence: The huts were the same color as the sand, making everything look like a huge piece of drab fabric stretched over a canvas, the kind that flour sacks used to be made of. not only gives the reader an opportunity to ‘see’ what the character’s surroundings look like, but we can actually ‘feel’ the heat and almost claustrophobic nature of where he’s forced to be.
*Check2* Although there was no dialogue, there was plenty of ‘noise’ in this story. Again, you use an excellent choice of words to show the chaos, confusion, and bloodshed that eventually takes place.
*Check3* Your character does not feel 2 dimensional and the element of realism stands out, making the reader feel as if he or she is in the story with the character. Very nicely done.
*Check4* I spotted no grammar or spelling errors in this, so kudos on a well-written story.

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Thanks for the great read. This was intense and makes one contemplative and shocked at the end of it all. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. *Smile*


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433
433
Review of Uncut Diamond  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Humming Bird ! *Smile* I will be reviewing your work Uncut Diamond

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: A woman in her mid-thirties, relatively successful and yet somewhat sheltered, finds herself suddenly thrust in the role of a blushing bride. Her parents now feel that it is time for her to find a partner, and deem it fit to set her up with men whose families do not seem to approve of her physical features despite her wealth of knowledge in other areas. However, she finally meets a man who does not seem intimated by his parents values. Is this a match made in heaven, or just another illusion she has to deal with?

*Note*Pluses +
*Check1* This was a rather romantic story despite all the uncertainties in the beginning.
*Check2* You’ve done a good job with the description of the main character as you show us her flaws and strengths, making her seem human and relatable to the reader.
*Check3* The dialogue was fitting and helped to tell more of the story.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>> “Yes mom, I’d be ready in a jiffy.” She answered between sips from a mug of mango juice.
(Always end dialogue with a comma especially if they’re followed by such phrases like ‘she said/she replied/she asked’ etc. In this case, ”Yes, mom, I’ll be ready in a jiffy,” she answered… Also notice I changed I’d to I’ll since the former is in the passive voice.)

>> Now, when she was in her mid-thirties, her parents realized
(I’d suggest re-writing this to: Now that she was in her mid-thirties, her parents realized…)

>> Brownish complexion, flawless skin oval face – That was a flashback of her teen hood.
(‘That’ should not be capitalized)

>> Whispers of admiration…Envious eyes… The lady had gone through all of these.
(I’d suggest not capitalizing each word after the ellipses. )

>> “When did you pass S.S.C.?” (Note1) Nasira looked coldly at Saima.
(The writing of ‘Note 1’ there is quite distracting to the reader. Although there’s no option for using the superscript on WDC, perhaps a simple asterix sign would work as well.)

>> “Mom, if I have to marry, I’ll marry this lady.” Javed announced.
>> “You’re my uncut diamond, Saima.” Javed whispered,
(As mentioned above, change the periods to a comma since they are continued by phrases directly relating to speech.)

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Overall, this was an interesting and entertaining piece. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing. *Smile*


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#1060262 by iKïyå§ama

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434
434
Review of Harry and Mr. Sho  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Nanapockets *Smile*. I am a guest judge for
Show Off Your Best at the Sandbox  (ASR)
A monthly contest that focuses on Genre writing. CLOSED for the Summer.
#1092898 by StephBee


Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between paragraphs making the story more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: This is the story of two men from across continents, who end up becoming friends in the most unlikeliest of ways – through a war. Written for children, the tone of this is simple and yet the message is powerful and likely to make young readers understand that beneath violence and the ugliness of war, true friendship can blossom and last forever.

*Note*Pluses +
*Check1* You did a good job with the prompt.
*Check2* I like the simplicity of this. It’s written in such a way that young children can understand and yet adults can get the true meaning behind each sentence.
*Check3* There’s a great moral at the end of this, and I have to confess that the last line almost brought a tear to my eye. What a nice way to end this.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>> Sho Had one brother and one sister.
(‘Had’ should not be capitalized)

>> When the war was over (,) Sho was sent back home.
>> Before Sho left for his home(,) he gave Harry the bell that his mother had given him
>> After a few weeks(,) Harry and Sho started to understand each other.
(Comma Rule: Always place a comma after the introductory phrase of a sentence)

>> Harry and his family didn't have a lot of extras (,) but they had more than Sho so they shared.
(Another rule is to always place a comma before words like ‘but/so/and/or’ especially if they separate two phrases that can stand alone as sentences.)

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Overall, this was a wonderful story filled with hope and a lesson that we can all take away especially in a time like this. Thanks for writing and good luck in the contest. *Smile*



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435
435
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello equalchance *Smile*. I am a guest judge for
IN & OUT
The Best of the Rest at the Bee Hive   (E)
MAY 2024 Contest is open! Submit your Word Searches!
#1134192 by StephBee


Overall Impression:

I’ve seen this contest on the Sponsored Items for a while now, and believe me when I say I’m glad you’ve gotten some entries for this well thought out and meaningful contest. Although I have not had any experience in such a system, the stories I have heard about such places can be sometimes troubling. It’s nice to know that there’s a way for individuals to voice out their concerns and experiences through writing and letting the world see just what really goes on behind the scenes. Kudos on tackling such an emotionally charged subject. Your rules are clear and concise, the prizes to be awarded quite appealing. The introductory image is warm and inviting and speaks of hope and encouragement to all those who might not believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Keep up the good work and I wish you the best of luck. *Smile*

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436
436
Review of Falling Away  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello NS needs a new muse ! *Smile* I will be reviewing your work Falling Away - #4 out of 5 reviews for your win in the "King's Landing updating

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the story more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: This seems to be poem written to be an inspirational piece to those who find themselves in the depths of despair. When all seems lost and you cannot seem to go on, the poet suggests that there are better ways to overcome these moments of emptiness, by discovering that deep within is a power and strength to do just that.

*Note*Pluses +
*Check1* Uplifting and bound to make a few people wake up to their conditions and hope to change.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>Fourth Stanza: You are(have) become a monster

>>I’m not too fond of big caps being used in poem, but that’s just my personal preference. I’m aware that the last line was written in such a way to attract the reader, but you can do that in other ways, either by italicizing or making the words bold.

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Overall, a good poem with a nice lesson behind it. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing. *Smile*


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#1060262 by iKïyå§ama

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437
437
Review of Don't Look Back  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello NS needs a new muse ! *Smile* I will be reviewing your work Don’t Look Back - #2 out of 5 reviews for your win in the "King's Landing updating

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: This is a poem written through The Grim Reaper’s POV. As he speaks, he seems to lay out the ground rules for its latest victim, what he/she is to expect in the afterlife and a rather bland view of the life this person has once lived.

*Note*Pluses +
*Check1* You had no clear rhyming scheme, but the poem still flowed quite well.
*Check2* I like the straightforward tone of this piece, although I would have loved to see more imagery used. As it is now, it’s a bit too literal.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>First Stanza: Don't look back were(where) you came from

>>And again, try to use more imagery in your poem. It helps to give the piece more depth, creating a vivid image for the reader to work with while reading.

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Overall, this was a good and interesting poem. It’s always good to see certain situations through the eyes of characters you least expect. Keep on writing. *Smile*


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438
438
Review of How did he feel?  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello ~Shana Determined to Be~ *Smile* and thank you for submitting your work How Did He Feel? to "♦The Review Pool♦ [Hiatus]

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: The sacrifices made by Christ on the cross and what it means to us today, is somewhat explored in this piece. The poet tries to make us see the pain and suffering He went through, and encourages us to be grateful for our positions today in life, since it is all thanks to the One who saved us all.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>> Capitalize the 'He' in your titles.

>> How did He feel,
when His heart was torn in half and
His closest friends were sleeping without a care at the moment?
(Now, I’m not into theology, but were His friends really asleep when He was being crucified? From what I’ve read in the Bible, I believe that most if not all of his disciples were there at the time. Now, unless this was simply symbolism, you might want to ignore all I just mentioned above.)

>> when He felt the sharp nails ran(run) through His flesh?

>> about the One who refused to give up one(on) you?

>>The repetition of the words ‘how do you feel?’ does become redundant after a while. It can be a good effect if used in a certain way. For instance:

How do you feel,
about the One who refused to give up one you?
How do you feel?
How do you feel,
about the pain He went through to conquer your sins?
How do you feel?
How do you feel,
about the One who gave his life to show the love and pure character of God?


The crossed out sections you can do without.

>>Last but not least, the last two lines in the poem, especially the statement, ‘You know how He felt’ – seems a bit presumptuous, since no one really knows how He must have felt while being crucified. We cannot put ourselves in His shoes at that time, unless one plans to go through the same physical torture and suffering Christ did. See what I mean? Perhaps writing something along the lines of ‘Can you imagine what he must have felt?’ or something akin to that, will help to get your point across.

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Overall, you have a good point within this poem, but with a bit more polishing, I’m sure readers will be able to fully understand what you’re trying to get across. Keep on writing. *Smile*


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#1060262 by iKïyå§ama

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439
439
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello xoTiaLynne *Smile* and thank you for submitting your work From Beginning to End to "♦The Review Pool♦ [Hiatus]

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Although you do a good job placing a single space between main scenes, I’d suggest either using the {/indent} tag (without the slash) to separate the different paragraphs. That way your story looks more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: This is a tale of two lives, forever changed by the near tragic events of one fateful night. Michelle is a young girl simply trying to get home after a night of partying and decides to walk until she can find a kind individual to take her home. Sean who is as drunk as a skunk, doesn’t seem to worry about his mental state and decides to drive home on his own. As the inevitable happens, the author takes us through the drastic directions both lives take as they each try to come to terms with what happened on that night.

*Note*Pluses +
*Check1* You have a good writing style that’s easy to understand. You just need to work on the spacing between paragraphs so it’s not so confusing at first.
*Check2* The storyline is interesting and I enjoyed the parallel of the two lives you talk about in this story. Each is tragic in itself and you’ve managed to draw the reader into their situations effectively.
*Check3* Although you didn’t have detailed descriptions or imagery in this, it was enough to convey the message you were trying to send across.
*Check4* Your characters were quite indepth - although no physical descriptions were given - the reader is still able to feel either sympathy or relief for their plights.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>and dropped it about 3 (three) times before he was finally successful
(Usually numbers less than ten are almost always written in word form.)

>>Hmm…because of the lack of paragraph separation, it also made the story a bit confusing at first, seeing as you’re changing characters’ POVs quite often.

>>On the topic of more description and imagery, you should try to work a bit more on that – the ability to ‘show’ the reader the events that take place, rather than simply ‘telling’ them what happened, makes a big difference.

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Overall, this was a good story and a pleasure to read. Just a few more edits and you’re all set to go. Good luck and write on. *Smile*


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[CLOSED!] Thank you all for your support! ^______^
#1170571 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.

440
440
Review of Wax  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hello C.T. Golden *Smile* and thank you for submitting your work Wax to "♦The Review Pool♦ [Hiatus]

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good use of the indent tag to separate one paragraph from the other, making the story more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: Jay loves yard sales, so much so that she spends several days of the month driving around town on her bike, searching for places where she could purchase one of the most important things in the world to her – candles. On this day, she stumbles across an old woman who sells her the most beautiful candle she’s ever seen. Unfortunately for Jay, that candle is so much more than it appears to be.

*Note*Pluses +
*Check1* You have a good premise for a plot, its tone one that definitely reeks of spookiness.
*Check2* I like the little back story about Jay’s family and the way her parents react. That was nicely done.
*Check3* With the word limit given, you do a relatively good job describing the events as they take place.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>> and the woman was no where to be seen.
(‘nowhere’ should be one word)

>> Janie changed into her pajamas and snuggled her self under her quilt.

>> until Janie heard her parent’s(parents’) bedroom door slam shut
(Since they are ‘two’ parents still around, you use the plural form)

>> Oh, Ms. Canaday, you wont(won’t) believe what I’m about to tell you

>>I must confess I got a bit lost in regards to Mrs. Canaday’s story about the old lady in at the garage sale, how she got the candles and all of that. What’s even more bemusing is the way it ended with Jay now becoming Mrs. Canaday. I guess the question in many readers’ minds would be…why?. There’s no real set up to give us an idea of just why the events took place and why Jay switched places with the older woman. Is it because of the candles? I think you should try to tie up the loose ends, so it’s not so confusing.

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Although the ending could use a bit more work, it was an interesting read all around. Thanks for your submission and keep on writing. *Smile*


** Image ID #1173144 Unavailable **
A Picture Is Worth A 1000 Words Contest  (ASR)
Write a story in 1000 words or less to a given picture prompt. [Hiatus!]
#1101926 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.

441
441
Review of Reviewer's Club  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hallo Pass it on !*Smile*. I’m reviewing your work Reviewers Club on behalf of Simply Everything

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good use of the ML tags to enhance the appearance of the group. Rules and regulations are well written, easy to understand, and leave no questions for potential group members.

*Note*Content: This is a group created for anyone and everyone who would like to participate as a reviewer for various contests the writer might be running now and in the future. I think it’s a great way to get more people involved in reading and most importantly reviewing. As an added incentive, the group owner has promised to give at least 100gps to each public review made, so you know that your efforts will not be for naught.

This is yet another great idea and I wish you all the best of luck with this. Keep it up! *Smile*

** Image ID #1174606 Unavailable **
A Benefit for RAOK and Our Troops  (13+)
[CLOSED!] Thank you all for your support! ^______^
#1170571 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


442
442
Review of Getting Published  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hallo Pass it on !*Smile*. I’m reviewing your work Getting Published on behalf of Simply Everything

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good use of the ML tags to enhance appearance of the article. There was also good spacing between paragraphs so the article was readable and more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: This is a very informative article that deals with the one thing many amateur writers hope to achieve some day – Getting Published. Not only has the writer taken the time to write a comprehensive and well detailed piece that talks about the various steps one has to take to achieve this goal, she’s also gone the extra mile to interview already published authors on WDC to get their opinions, suggestions and thoughts on the right things to go. I read this and was even more motivated to do my best to get my stories out there, and I highly recommend everyone have this put in their favorites.

Thank you for writing this and to the writers who took the time to reply to your questions. Every little bit helps and this gets more than five stars in my book. Keep up the excellent work! *Smile*

** Image ID #1174587 Unavailable **
On the Wings of a Dove  (13+)
Purchase a dove for yourself or a friend today. All proceeds go to ROAK!
#1123007 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.



443
443
Review of "Pass It On"  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hallo Pass it on !*Smile*. I’m reviewing your group Pass It On on behalf of Simply Everything

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – You have made good use of the ML tags to enhance the appearance of the forum, with good spacing between main points so the rules are made clear to the visitor/reader.

*Note*Content: This is a group created to help raise funds for various groups and activities around the website. I’m proud to claim that your efforts have helped to keep several of these wonderful contests and activities still in the running today. Anyone can be a part of this, by either donating (no amount is too small) or simply joining and being willing to contribute and donate to as many charitable endeavors as possible.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

A minor typo noticed:

>> Funds from this group will be given to various groups within the writing.com site and to help with prizes for worthy contest.(s)

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

All in all, this is a well thought out forum and definitely gives a whole new meaning to angels in our midst. Keep up the great work! *Smile*


** Image ID #1174606 Unavailable **
♦The Review Pool♦ [Hiatus]  (ASR)
Need your poem or short story reviewed? Hop on in!
#1060262 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.

444
444
Review of My Heart  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello SimplyFate *Smile* and thank you for submitting your work My Heart to "♦The Review Pool♦ [Hiatus]

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – No clear format since poem is a stanza long and written in a free verse-like form

*Note*Content: A poem about the feelings of man towards a woman he seems head over heels for. His emotions spill from the heartfelt words that make up each line. Although, at first they seem quite ‘painful’ and almost crude metaphors, one can see that each go into depth on how much he loves this woman. The last few lines emphasize his request to become her groom once she returns. Overall, this is quite the romantic piece.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>> I’m not saying you should marry me, just that id be honored to call you my wife.
Now the third wish that I hoped lasted for the rest of forever.
Is to have a eternal bond with you that not a damn thing could sever.
What might be, what if, what could possibly be.
Those are all words throw together I never want you to hear from me.

The rest of the lines in the poem were great and you managed to keep the rhyming scheme. However, these last few lines had a few grammar errors that broke the flow and made it a bit difficult to fully understand. I’d suggest re-writing it to:

I’m not saying you should marry me, just that I’d be honored to call you my wife.
Now the third wish that I hope will last forever
Is to have an eternal bond with you that not a damn thing could sever.
What might be, what if, what could possibly be.
Those are all words thrown together I never want you to hear from me.


*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

A good poem all around. Thanks for your submission and keep on writing. *Smile*


** Image ID #1173144 Unavailable **
FORUM
Kiya's Custom Orders Shoppe  (18+)
*CLOSED Until Further Notice* For customized requests/orders ONLY!
#1092645 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.

445
445
Review of The Greatest Fear  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello banders ! *Smile* I will be reviewing your work The Greatest Fear

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: The poet writes about the strange occurrences that take place in a room at night – foreign noises, heavy breathing, a creaking of the doors and the shadows that lurk. How is one to combat these fears?

*Note*Pluses +
*Check1* This was a fun and entertaining poem.
*Check2* The rhyming scheme was very good and made for a smooth flow while reading.
*Check3* Not heavy with the imagery, but it was enough to make the reader ‘see’ the events taking place. Nicely done.

Good job all around and thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work. *Smile*

** Image ID #1159836 Unavailable **
♦The Review Pool♦ [Hiatus]  (ASR)
Need your poem or short story reviewed? Hop on in!
#1060262 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


446
446
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hello LuckyBoy ! *Smile* I will be reviewing your work A Tale of the Night

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: A fun and yet serious warning for all trick and treaters on Halloween night. For although things mind end up being fun and there’re lots of treats that await those who ‘haunt’, be warned that you can never be too careful about the contents being thrown into your baskets.

*Note*Pluses +
*Bullet* Good job with the acrostic and the use of the colors to enhance the poem. Nicely done.
*Bullet* You had a good rhyming scheme and it flowed quite well, although the last stanza was a bit too long in comparison to the others.
*Bullet* Nice little warning at the end. You never know what you might get, however, one cannot allow that to dampen the spirit of the night. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work!

** Image ID #1159836 Unavailable **
FORUM
Kiya's Custom Orders Shoppe  (18+)
*CLOSED Until Further Notice* For customized requests/orders ONLY!
#1092645 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


447
447
Review of Daddy of Steel  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hello E E Coder ! *Smile* I will be reviewing your work Daddy of Steel

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: A man returns home on Halloween, where his young daughter gives him the play-by-play of the accident Mommy got herself involved into. Concerned for his wife, he eventually finds out what the problem is, however, he realizes he now has to go out trick or treating with his daughter in a costume that’s far from flattering.

*Note*Pluses +
*Bullet* A fun storyline that captures the spirit of Halloween.
*Bullet* The dialogue was fun and realistic, bringing your characters to life and making them more believable.

*Note*Suggestions:

Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best. *Smile*

>>Just a few punctuation errors noticed, like saying placing a comma before the word ‘as’ in several sentences where they aren’t necessary.

>> I also noticed that you had some dialogue where the second half was not capitalized as they should be. For instance:
“Well, good afternoon to you,” I laughed, “what’s the hurry sweetheart?”

Since the phrase Well, good afternoon to you. can stand on its own as a complete sentence, you should begin the second half with ”What’s the hurry, sweetheart?” See what I mean? Remember that you should always capitalize the second half any dialogue especially if the first part can stand alone as its own sentence.

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Overall, this was a fun and interesting story and I thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest. *Smile*


** Image ID #1159830 Unavailable **
A Picture Is Worth A 1000 Words Contest  (ASR)
Write a story in 1000 words or less to a given picture prompt. [Hiatus!]
#1101926 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


448
448
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (4.5)

Hello Eiric ! *Smile* I will be reviewing your work Every Witch Has A Wart

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – This was an interesting format, where some stanzas were longer than others. However, it made the piece more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: Are witches always those with black hats, warts on noses, ride broomsticks and cackle in glee? You’d be surprised to know that not all witches are like that and some might be so much closer than you think.

*Note*Pluses +
*Bullet* Generally, you had a good rhyming scheme which made for a smooth read. However, the first few lines were a bit ‘off’ perhaps it had something to do with the punctuation marks you placed.
*Bullet* The last line is quite effective, however it makes me wonder if you’re actually referring to someone who must have hurt you in the past. I definitely sensed a tone of bitterness while reading this, but I could be wrong.

*Star**Bullet**Star**Bullet**Star*

Overall, this was an interesting piece and I thank you for sharing. Keep up the good work and write on. *Smile*


** Image ID #1159830 Unavailable **
FOLDER
C-Note Alley  (E)
Pay a visit to several c-note shops with a little something for everyone.
#1092992 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


449
449
Review of Witches Brew  
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hello SamLBInj The Biker Poet ! *Smile* I will be reviewing your work Witches Brew

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.

*Note*Content: Talk about making a witches brew. The poet mentions items that is bound to make one sick, and yet manages to capture the ‘taste’ of the famed brew and what they might contain. There was a great rhyming scheme to this which made for a smooth flow and effortless read. It’s almost something you’d expect to read from the pages of classic literature. Very well done. The imagery alone is enough to have one shuddering. Keep up the good work and write on! *Smile*


** Image ID #1159830 Unavailable **
On the Wings of a Dove  (13+)
Purchase a dove for yourself or a friend today. All proceeds go to ROAK!
#1123007 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


450
450
Review by iKïyå§ama
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Hello SHERRI GIBSON ! *Smile* I will be reviewing your work What Halloween Means To Me

Overall Impression:

*Note*Format – I’d suggest placing a single space between the paragraphs or using the indent tag. Nice use of the orange font color to make it more ‘festive’.

*Note*Content: *Laugh* This is a short essay that deals with the meaning of Halloween and how it affects the writer. She points out the various activities that take place on that day, reminding many of us why it’s seen as not just a night of ghouls and ghosts, but of family, friends and fun. But most importantly, a time when our creativity shows in more ways than one.

This was an enjoyable read and I thank you for sharing. Keep up the good work and Happy Halloween! *Smile*


** Image ID #1159836 Unavailable **
FOLDER
C-Note Alley  (E)
Pay a visit to several c-note shops with a little something for everyone.
#1092992 by iKïyå§ama

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.



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