Hallo Future Mrs. B! I will be reviewing your work May Blessings
Overall Impression:
Format – Good spacing between paragraphs making the story more presentable to the reader. However, I must beg that you try to use a different font color for the story. At least for me, it did hurt my eyes while reading.
Content: May Day is a celebration that most of us might be aware of, but do you know the history behind it, or why it's so important in Germany? This article/story does just that. A combination of a history lesson and a nice little children's story at the end of it, May Day is brought to life and we are left with a taste of strudel and joy on our tongues.
Pluses + You definitely did a good job setting this up. I like the presentation, how you move from the history to the story to the recipes and then the song. Very nicely done. Your first part of the story was quite informative and enlightening. You sure taught me a lot. The story about Katrina and May Day was a nice way of using the information from the top half and putting it in practical form. It's a story that should bring smiles to adults and kids faces respectively, and you capture the festivities and joy of the celebration quite well.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>On the ancient calendar(,) May was a joyous month because (Always place a comma after the introductory phrase of a sentence)
>>In Munich (,)the Maypole is locared(located?) on the Viktualienmarkt
>>However, this task is madder(made) harder because
>>“Katrina, wake up,” Mother said as she tapped Katrina out of her sleep. “Can’t I go back to sleep? It’s still dark outside,” she replied to Mother. “It’s your favorite day, Katrina.” (Try to separate each dialogue from a different character with a single space, so it's not too confusing to the reader: "Katrina, wake up," Mother said...
"Can't I go back to sleep? It's still dark outside," she replied to Mother.
"It's your favorite day, Katrina.")
>>Mother was outside waiting for her; Katrina quickly put the shoes, the shoes that were waiting for the little feet to occupy them, on and ran outside to Mother. (The underlined section is a part that's not really needed in the sentence. It makes for an awkward read.)
>> Women gathered in the party hall, which the whole place was hustle and bustle with some women cooking the many treats needed for later, others setting up tabled and others putting the drinks out. (This was another awkwardly phrased sentence. Perhaps you could try re-writing it to: 'Women gathered in the party hall which hustled and bustled with several cooking the many treats needed for later. Others set up tales while some put the drinks out.')
>>What a funny site(sight) it was to watch
>>it did not matter if they(the) people knew each other;
Overall, this was a good attempt and an interesting read. I wish you the best of luck with your report submission and thank you for sharing. Keep on writing!
Hallo James Wyattand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work Whzzzzz-click
Overall Impression:
Format –Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: The estranged relationship between father, mother are explored through the eyes of the child in the middle. His thoughts on the events that have taken place and his quick solution is one that should leave the reader contemplative long after the last word has been read.
Pluses + You had a rather interesting format here, where each paragraph was dictated by the 'sound' of the object Jake held in his hands. It gives the piece a rather ominous feeling. Sound plays another role in the use of music and Jake's inability to hear what others can. It can also represent the 'shutting down' of his thoughts as he decides his actions are the way to go. Although you do not give the reader much in physical descriptions, the dialogue helps to let the reader know a bit more about the characters.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>And why wasn't there any music playing, there should be music! (I'd suggest breaking that sentence in two. In other words: 'And why wasn't there any music playing? There should be music.')
>>"In here, mum." he answered. (Change the period after 'mum' to a comma)
Overall, an interesting and yet thought-provoking piece. Personally, I think it's too drastic an action to take, but who knows how deep the pain has gone for this kid. For more inspiration or just to challenge yourself, be sure to stop by "Writing Contests @ Writing.Com" ! Keep on writing!
Hallo Tinkerand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work Outrageously Gaudy
Overall Impression:
Format – I'd suggest placing a single space or using the {indent*} tag (without the asterix) to separate one paragraph from the other so it looks a bit more presentable to the reader.
Content: As seen through the eyes of a feline, this is a rather humorous take on her thoughts about getting a simple thing as getting toenails/claws painted.
Pluses + This was a unique and different perspective with a subject matter that you'd least expect. You have a way with words and this had an almost poetic flow to it. There's a cheeky tone as we get to see things from the narrator's perspective which makes it quite fun. I did not spot any glaring spelling or grammar errors. Kudos.
Overall, this was a very interesting story that should have readers grinning or at least smiling at the end of it. Please don't hesitate to check out "Writing Contests @ Writing.Com" for a chance to enter your stories or to challenge yourself. Keep on writing!
Hallo again DragonBlue!. I’m reviewing your work DragonBlue's Variety c-Notes on behalf of Simply Everything
Overall Impression:
*lol* What fun! I always enjoy browsing through c-note collections and you've definitely got some of the brightest and funniest assortment out there. I'll have to say my favorite is the one where the little cub says 'Help! I'm online and can't get off' or something like that. I think that one should apply to me. The prices are affordable and it's got a little something for everyone. Good job!
** Image ID #1112111 Unavailable **
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army"
Hallo again DragonBlue!. I’m reviewing your folder Dragon Power on behalf of Simply Everything
Overall Impression:
What a lovely tribute to these mythical creatures. You'll convert me to become a dragon fan yet! Thanks for sharing your poems and images with us. I'm sure many who go through this folder will garner an appreciation for them and even make them eager to want to learn more. You've made this an inviting journey and it was a pleasure reading through. Just one typo was noticed in your introduction:
>>Dragon's(Dragons) of Power.
Overall, you've done a lovely job. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!
** Image ID #1112111 Unavailable **
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army"
Hallo DragonBlue!. I’m reviewing your folder Portal of the Fourth Dimension on behalf of Simply Everything
Overall Impression:
Hoping that this isn't taken the wrong way, but whenever I see your name and handle, the first thing that comes to my is your graphics which dot the site in every corner you look. You definitely have a way of grabbing the reader's attention with your elaborate and well-designed images, and they definitely do spice up the website and make it - dare I say - more festive. You are clearly organized and I would suggest you enter your portfolio in "Invalid Item" contest, where you just might have a shot at winning.
And now to delve into the folders and see what you have to offer!
Keep up the good work!
** Image ID #1112111 Unavailable **
Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army"
Hallo Jarlaxeand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work My Stumbling Course as a Horse
Overall Impression:
Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.
Content: This is a poem written through the eyes of an animal, whose daily ritual is chronicled as it deems fit. There's a somewhat humorous take on how it regards humans, but a sweetness that lies beneath the supposed blaise reception.
Pluses + Quite clever to be able to write from the animal's POV and it's tone is quite fun. You can almost hear the slight disdain and yet curiosity about the 'creature' that always approaches him each day. The description used for humans was quite funny and done well. There was a certain flow to this, although a slight problem I noticed which I will point out below.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>Punctuation - I think you put some in the wrong lines which broke the rhythm of the poem in some places. Let's take for instance your first stanza:
My stumbling course,
As a horse,
Is determined by the being.
>>You do not need the comma at the end of the first line. And I realize that you're trying to go for three lines in each stanza, but the last three stanzas felt a bit 'uneven' while going from one to the next.
Overall, this was an interesting and fun poem and I thank you for sharing. Keep up the good work and write on!
Hallo sharonband welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work One Deception
Overall Impression:
Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.
Content: This is a poem that deals with the darker side of city life, the sights and sounds that most of us do not get to see. The poet has attempted to show us the uglier side and to make us see the hypocrisy and lies that society tries to hide.
Pluses + It could be a gritty piece and you do point out instances that showcase the city's sin. The third stanza stood out to me in that mention what these girls do and what they use the money for afterwards. It's a bitter but true result of society today. Good job with the imagery and symbolism in this poem.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>One Disception(Deception)
>>Trying to rock some old man(')s world. (3rd Stanza, Line 2)
>>before he crys(cries) a fit! (5th Stanza, Line 7)
>>trys(tries) to hide. (6th Stanza, Line 4)
>>But that(')s just another story, (7th Stanza, Line 1)
>>Another thing that threw me off a bit while reading was the use of punctuation in some places they shouldn't have been in. It broke the flow of the poem while reading. Take for instance the first stanza:
Deep sorrows carry me,
from drowning sea to see,
what others try to find,
on the streets of sex and crime.
>>The first two lines especially was slightly bemusing. I understand the effect you're going for, but perhaps you could try something like:
Deep sorrows carry me
From drowning sea, to see
What others try to find
On the streets of sex and crime.
>>I placed the comma in the second line, so the 'pause' is evident. Also the other excessive commas were removed since they were not needed. You should do the same for the rest of your poem.
Overall, this was an interesting piece and definitely one that should be a gem once it's polished/edited. Thanks so much for sharing and write on!
Hallo ThePaperMoonand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work Windchime Day
Overall Impression:
Format – Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.
Content:This is a short poem that chronicles the thoughts of the poet on a windy day. There's a soft ambience to this piece while reading and the afternoon is well captured. A lot of imagery is used in this with such lines as:
Mind is moving like the wind
shakes me with concern
blowing through my soul
fear is back again
This also had a good flow to it even though there's no real set rhyming scheme - I say this because the first three stanzas do not seem to have that, but the last two seems more defined.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>win(d)chimes crying (1st Stanza, Line 2)
Overall, an interesting piece and I thank you for sharing. Keep on writing!
Hallo Leo DLand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work No Regrets
Overall Impression:
Format –Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.
Content: This is a short poem that gives praise to the Creator and how one benefits by leaving his or her cares/worries up to Him.
Pluses + You've done a good job with the imagery in this piece. One always gets to hear that 'Christ is the Potter' and we are his clay, so kudos to using that well in the poem. This should be an inspirational piece to those who need such reassurance in their lives.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>Your plans are better than i have for myself (Your 'i' should be capitalized)
>>Crafted by Your Holy Hsnds(hands)
>>Your love and care das(has) set me free
>>thank You for what You have done in me (You should begin this line with a capital as you have done with the rest)
>>You lesd(lead) me, You guide me,
>>You savrd(saved) me, You are with me.
>>I'd also suggest being more consistent with the punctuation marks in the poem, so that the reader knows when to pause or stop, hence it throws off the rhythm
Overall, this was a good attempt but as you can see, it's laden with spelling errors that can be fixed easily. Thanks so much for sharing and keep on writing!
Hallo cat purrand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work My Guide
Overall Impression:
Format – None since poem is only a stanza long.
Content: This is a short poem that deals with the poet's feelings on a higher power and how much she/he has been blessed from His presence.
Pluses + I'm always impressed with young writers who take the plunge and are willing to share their efforts with everyone else. You've done a good job with this poem and your sincerity in your words show, however, there are a few things you might want to work on as pointed out below.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>Day by Day night by night,
who is there to led me right? Day by day, night by night
Who is there to lead me right?
>>He guides me down my darken path.
He helps my see the right from wrong, black from white.
You may knoe him, or you may not. He guides me down my darkened path.
He helps me see the right from wrong, black from white
You may know him, or you may not.
Overall, this was an interesting poem and a nice attempt. I wish you much success as you develop to become a better writer. Write on!
Hallo marsand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work It's Hard To Receive a Gift
Overall Impression:
Format –I'm almost tempted to consider this a prose than an actual story because of its current format. I'm not sure of what word program you use, but you might want to adjust it in such a way that the words are aligned evenly for each paragraph.
Content: A story of gratitude for a wonderful gift (and don't I know the feeling!{e:bigsmile) received as a newbie to WDC. The writer also delves into how the site changed his/her life as well as the obstacles he/she faces before finding a comfortable ground to begin all over again.
Pluses + This brought a smile to my face as I read because I remember the exact same feeling when I came to this site. The pleasure at being welcomed and the joy of reading and reviewing. However, the insecurities come and you begin to wonder why you even showed up, but I'm glad you stuck around and decided to give it a shot! I can guarantee that once you sink your teeth into WDC, you'll never want to leave!
{e:note}Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>So I wrote a small thank you, on the appropriate location. And felt even more happy. (Delete the period after 'location' so it's a continued sentence.)
>>It was my friend, the same indeed, who introduced me here. (Something about this sentence threw me off for a bit, perhaps you could try:'It was that same friend who introduced me here.' or 'It was my friend who introduced me here.' I think the reader will still have an idea of who you're talking about.)
>>But what happened then, I just don't know. (I'd suggest re-writing this to: 'But what happened? I just don't know.')
>>Some one had liked my reviews, ('Someone' should be one word)
>>How could I write any more reviews ('Anymore' should be one word)
>>I had turned(become?) a silent member.
Overall, this was a heartfelt and nice piece to start out with. It shows your sincerity and I hope that you continue to be a part of our ever growing family! Welcome again to WDC!
Format – Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: A young girl, a bright student with an equally bright future visits the doctor's office because of a slight ailment. However, the news that awaits her isn't something that many of us would like. How could one night with a friend cause her so much trouble?
Pluses + Great use of the prompt. I swear this had me pretty contemplative at the end of it. You've chosen a rather popular and yet worrisome subject to talk about in this story and it's one that I hope many young people read and try to understand. It can happen to anyone. I enjoyed the way you use her thoughts to tell the story. Just looking at the image and then reading fits so well. While the doctor speaks, her internal battle rages on until it reaches a crescendo. I was just waiting for her to scream out loud at some point. *lol* I noticed no spelling or grammar errors. Kudos.
Overall, an interesting and somehow informative story. Thanks so much for your submission and good luck in the contest.
Format – Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: This is a short scene between student and doctor, in which an interesting conversation ensues. Apparently, for Doctor Eldrick, he's used to such 'entertaining' outbursts.
Pluses + You made good use of the prompt. You make use of some good imagery in the piece, one such line that stood out to me was: Nervously, she stared at a notebook on the desk, at least what she thaught was a notebook, which held the evidence that color could actually exist in the room. I like the emphasis on the whiteness of the room and the presence of 'color' to make things seem real - since compared to her reason being there, reality and fantasy might be a blur to her. The conversation was entertaining to say the least and showed a bit more of each character's personality.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>Your rating needs to be changed to an 18+ because of the words used by one of your characters in this piece.
>>at least what she thaught(thought) was a notebook
>>as she (g)nawed through the overgrown
>>"How am I suppose(d) to tell you?"
>>Chris turned here(her) eyes back to the notebook
>>think I am a loon for the some(same) reason you
>>I come her(e) because I have to
>>I come her(e) to appease you,
Overall, this was an interesting piece and I thank you for your submission. You just have to be a bit more careful with your spelling errors. Good luck!
Hallo Michael Edwardand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work A Cold Walk Home In October Dusk
Overall Impression:
Format –Good spacing between stanzas making the poem more presentable to the reader.
Content: This is a short poem that seems to deal with the everyday occurrences that the poet notices in his life. It's a little slice of 'Americana' one might say, and the reader is allowed to see glimpses of what a simple and quiet evening.
The poet makes good use of imagery in this piece and although you have no clear rhyming scheme, the style is something that will take some getting used to. For some reason, why reading, the lines seemed to 'skip' as if you were breaking off each thought to get to the next line. That broke the flow of the poem in some places for me, but since that seems predominant, I'm guessing it was what you were aiming for.
Overall, this was an interesting piece and I thank you for sharing. Keep on writing!
Hallo nicole johnsonand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work Tortured Soul
Overall Impression:
Format – Your format for this piece is not really clear cut since it seems to be free verse at first glance, but after reading through it, one gets the sense that it might be better broken down into stanzas.
Content: This is a poem written with what seems like a lot of bitterness, hurt and sadness. It's about a relationship gone sour, the poet being the victim in this case. She writes about her feelings on the direction his life has taken and realizes that she can never forgive him for what he's done.
Pluses + The emotions are raw and well captured in the poem...at least the reader will definitely know that you've been hurt from the events that must have happened. Despite the errors noticed, there was actually a kind of rhythm to this (although it was broken in the latter part of the piece)
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>In the beginning, I suggested that this might be broken into stanzas, but I might have to shuck that idea altogether. However, I'm curious as to why everything is in small caps. Is that supposed to be the style of the poem? As much as most poets try to have a distinct style, not capitalizing the appropriate words almost makes you seem lazy to the reader, and it can become quite distracting. I'll paste small sections of your poem and re-write my possible suggestions:
>>anger fills my soul as you torture my thoughts
of your twisting mind games
that you set upon me day after day,
i used to think you were the one
for me now i know im wrong,
>>Anger fills my soul as you torture my thoughts
Of your twisted mind games
That you set upon me day after day.
I used to think you were the one for me
Now I know that I am wrong.
>>i would love to feed you to
the flames, the flames of hell where
you belong when you put these
days of sadness into my life,
now i dont know what to do ,
about her and the kid that just
came into your life,
>>I would love to feed you to the flames
The flames of hell where you belong
When you put these days of sadness into my life.
Now I don't know what to do
About her and the kid that just came into your life.
>>i feel you bring me down when
you talk to me and i hear your voice,
i feel as if running away is my only choice,
no longer do i want to hear you or see you,
i also fear you for the reason i cannot explain your done messing with me and everything
of importance you will never agian make
any part of my life feel so vein.
>>I feel you bring me down when you talk to me and I hear your voice
I feel as if running away is my only choice.
No longer do I want to hear you or see you
I also fear you for the a reason I cannot explain.
You're done messing with me And everything of importance you will never again
Make any part of my life feel so vain.
>>If you notice, I crossed out words with the wrong spelling or missing punctuation mark. I also underlined the last two lines of the poem because it's slightly confusing and I'm really not sure of what you were trying to say there. You might want to re-write it, so it's more comprehensible to the reader.
Overall, this was a rather interesting piece, but as you can see it needs a little more polishing to make it an even better read. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing.
Format – Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: Ah, the letter where we address the Pessimistic/Critic inside of us. Every writer has that voice that tries to talk them into either getting better at the craft or dumping it all together. In this case, the writer has managed to convince himself that he can publish a novel in a year, if he commits to writing at least a page a day diligently.
Pluses + You have done a good job showing us the two inner voices at work - both arguing the merits and demerits of the writer's work ethic. I like the fact that you made the inner voice such a strong character with a personality that somewhat hits close to home. For the most part, the dialogue flowed well and the reader is able to distinguish one voice from the other.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>I bet you have spent less time than water in a desert on it. Isn’t it? (The use of 'Isn't it?' seems a bit awkward considering the previous sentence has the word 'have' within it. I'd suggest changing it to: 'I bet you have spent less time than water in a desert on it, haven't you?' Also notice that I simply used a comma instead of the period, so it flows a bit better that way.)
>>I’ve woven a beautiful poem with in no time (Hmmm, something about the tense of this phrase doesn't flow to well. I'd suggest: 'I wove a beautiful poem in no time' since the poem has already been written. Using 'have woven' makes it seem as if you just finished the piece. Does that make sense?)
>>You just don’t know (how) to appreciate hardwork and talent
>>“Yes I’m!... (Saying this aloud sounds rather odd *lol* I think you should stick with Yes, I am instead.)
>>whether you want to be a writer or an ‘everyone else’ ” (Missing a period at the end of this sentence)
>>And thanks a lot (,)Mr. Pessimist.
>>Anytime (,)my dear brother.
>>Ever a Writer,
I (Me?)(Just my opinion though)
>>And not to sound like your plan to finish a novel in a year isn't a good one, but if I remember the rules of the contest, you have to try to make it as realistic and achievable as possible. You might want to consider that there are days when situations will come up when you simply cannot write. Would you rather force yourself to write something you're not 'feeling' at the time or will you just allow it to accumulate and then find yourself in a pressure-filled situation where you feel your goal is slipping?
I sincerely do hope and wish you the best success, but it's just something you might want to consider before submitting this to the contest.
Overall, this was an interesting attempt and I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
FOLDER
C-Note Alley (E) Pay a visit to several c-note shops with a little something for everyone. #1092992 by iKïyå§ama
Hallo Notebookand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work My Angel
Overall Impression:
Format –You have quite an interesting format here, although I think it would look a bit better if it wasn't in bold. It seems to 'scream' at the reader (at least to me)
Content: This is a short poem about a loving relationship between two people. Although it seems to border on the spiritual level, one can't help feeling that it's about the writer's deeply felt emotions for another. The writer successfully manages to capture the depth of his/her feelings for this person through the words chosen for this poem.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>I will work through each stanza so you can see the differences and changes: Your My Angel I see everynight whenever I want
you I see you up there. There something about you
that I love to see your halo and wings is so pretty to me.
When I see you your all glittered up "Your My Angel" I
love everynight...
Re-write: You're the angel I see every night
Whenever I want you, I see you up there.
There's something about you I love
Your halo and wings, so pretty to me.
Every night I seem to fall in love
When I see you all in glitter.
(Acutally, I'd do without the last two lines seeing as they don't really flow well with the rest of the stanza. Again, remember that these are only my suggestions and you're free to take it or leave it.)
>>Second Stanza: When I need you I call your name you come
to me and help me find my way.
Your wings bring you around after night after night.
Your Halo shines so you can see. Your fair and pretty
just like me...
Re-write: When I need you, I call your name
You come to me and help me find my way.
Your wings bring you around night after night.
Your halo shines so you can see
You're fair and pretty, just like me.
(You could do without the ellipses at the end of the stanza, since it seems like an unfinished thought with that in place.)
>>Third Stanza: Your My Angel" that I love to see
each day and each night..
Re-write: You're my angel that I love to see
Each day and each night.
What seems predominant in your piece is the use of 'your' instead of you're and the need to put You're My Angel in quotation marks or capitalizing each word in the phrase. Those aren't really necessary.
Overall, this was a nice read and I thank you for sharing. However, with a bit more polishing, I have no doubt it will be a gem. Keep on writing.
GROUP
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Hallo Guy Peckand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work Oppression
Overall Impression:
Format – Good spacing between 'stanzas' making the story more presentable to the reader.However, your fifth stanza seems to start off with an indent{?) and not the others. You might want to fix that one.
Content: Placing this in the prose category, this is a piece that's full of defiance, of facing an authority that the writer confronts in a battle of wills. There's a taut string of tension that only snaps at the last stanza - a gradual build up of uneasiness as the reader wonders if the writer will give in to the pressure or not. However, it seems like the oppressor might just be the one who needs to reevaluate a few things.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>Or if you could maintain eye contact long enought(enough) to hear what I'm saying
Then maybe I'll acknowledge the cold persona you're working on displaying,
(Using a comma at the end of this stanza throws off the reader especially considering you continue the thought in the next stanza. I think it would be best to delete the comma so the reader doesn't 'pause' when it's not supposed to be that way.)
>>because I am the hook and your(you're) are
>>But instead of running from the battle, your ground is where you should stay...
(I don't think you need the ellipses there)
Overall, this was an interesting piece and I could easily see this scenario as a possible confrontation between - Parent/Offspring, Boss/Employee, Abusive Spouse/Wife or to be symbolic - Government/People. A good read all around. Keep on writing.
** Image ID #1197666 Unavailable **
FOLDER
C-Note Alley (E) Pay a visit to several c-note shops with a little something for everyone. #1092992 by iKïyå§ama
Format – Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue making the story more presentable to the reader.
Content: On Christmas Eve, anticipation is high for young Jessie as he wants for Santa to bring him the gift he's always wanted (for now) - a bunk bed. Angie, his mother, tries to guarantee that the gift will arrive while worry eats away inside of her. The weather looks bad, it's getting late and her husband is yet to return from his trip. Andy, who is on his way home from his shopping decides to take a quick detour to his father's graveyard. However, a series of events leaves him with more questions about his dead father, especially when he's presented with a most unexpected gift.
Pluses + This was a rather heartwarming story that does tug at the heartstrings, and it was all I could do not to break down at the end of it. You do a good job taking the reader into the scenes of the story with good descriptions that are vivid in the reader's eye.
[e:check3} Dialogue where used, was appropriate and helped to tell more of the characters' personalities. There was a depth to them which made them quite believable and not flat.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>> “Oh, God -- where is he?
(I noticed that you placed the character's thoughts within double quotation marks even though you had them italicized to show its distinction from the narrative. I'd suggest doing without the quotation marks altogether.)
Overall, this was a wonderful story that was well-written and touching. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Format – Good spacing between paragraphs and quotes making the story more presentable to the reader. Nice touch with the image to introduce the reader to the story.
Content: This is the story of a character who has spent the last few Christmases in a depressed and lonely state. Friends and family have passed away and there is simply no joy in the holiday season anymore. However, on this night, she falls asleep and suddenly finds herself back in time, to be exact, back to when Jesus Christ was about to be born. Through His guidance and the angels, the character gets to witness His birth and is left with a gift that will remain within her heart for many years to come.
Pluses + This was a very interesting way of bringing a modern day character into the pages of the Bible. You do a good job with the descriptions and being able to convince the reader that the character was actually there to witness what happened. You give these characters from the Bible a 'human' side and make them much more believable, reminding us that they too were humans despite their blessed states. There's a good lesson that everyone can read and take to heart when through with the tale.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>You tend to switch the tenses from past to present which makes it slightly confusing as to exactly what timeline the story is taking place. I'd suggest sticking with the past tense as much as possible throughout the piece.
>>The long, hard journey they had just made had taken it’s(its) toll on her,
(Plural form since it's does mean it is and does not make sense when used in the sentence)
>>I turned to ask my angel what I should do next (,) but he was nowhere in sight.
(Always place a comma before the words 'but/or/and/so' especially if they come before a phrase that can stand alone as a sentence.)
>>I have a question in regards to their staying at the stable...correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't they offered the stable by an innkeeper who took pity on them? Again, I could be wrong and will stand corrected if proven otherwise.
>>At one point, I must have been staring (at) the crystal cross
Overall, an interesting story with a little something for everyone of us. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Pluses + You've done a good job setting up the forum and explaining what a Shakespearean Sonnet is all about (since I really had no clue what it was about to be honest) The rules are clear and concise. The prizes are quite attractive and should have many poets eager to give this challenge a shot.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>Although it's not really required, perhaps you should try using more ML tags (color/font/size/emoticons) to enhance the appearance of the forum.
Overall, this is a good and well-thought out contest. I applaud you for maintaining it so far and wish you the best of luck.
Hallo Lyricand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work Abandoned
Overall Impression:
Format –I'd have suggested doing without the single spacing between each line, since the poem is only a stanza long. I think it would look much better in that format.
Content: This is a poem of loneliness and the thought of being suffocated from all sides by pressures from sources the reader is not quite sure about. There is a feeling of hopelessness and loss of something, but the claustrophobic feeling is successfully captured in this piece. Kudos.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>One thing that distracted me a lot in this piece was the use of the punctuation marks. You end each line with a comma even though some of them should end with a period or nothing at all. I will re-write the piece and you decide how much better it sounds or not:
>>The walls are closing in and I don’t know what to do.
Everything around me is dark, so I can’t see the truth.
Shadows jumping out at me filling me with pain,
I want to get out of the corner but days ahead still remain.
The promise of tomorrow is like hateful words to my ear,
So I just sit here alone and feed my cheek another tear.
The walls are getting closer and my breath is getting shorter,
I wish someone could help me but in here there is no portal.
Again compare the two and see which sounds better or which changes you're willing to make.
Overall, this was an interesting piece and I thank you for sharing. Keep on writing!
GROUP
The WDC Angel Army (ASR) Dedicated to promoting positivity, encouragement, and support to the WDC community. #1188309 by iKïyå§ama
Hallo nshand welcome to WDC! I will be reviewing your work The Pink Fairy
Overall Impression:
Format – Although your format is not quite so clear, it's spaced well enough to be presentable to the reader.
Content: This is a poem that's written as a moral of sorts for young children. It tells of the pink fairy who searches for good children to give gifts to. However, it seems that there's been a shortage of good children as all she sees are those who are disobedient or unkind. In closing, the children are advised to be good so they can get that special visit from the pink fairy when they least expect it.
Pluses + The language used was simple enough for children to read and understand. I like the moral behind this and it's one that children can take to heart and hope to become much better individuals.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>There's no clear cut rhyme or flow to this and reads as a free verse. It was a bit distracting at first since some lines were a bit longer than others.
>>There were several errors noted throughout and I'll try to work through each stanza with you. Remember that these are my suggestions and you are free to take it or leave it as you deem fit:
Stanza 1: The pink fairy flopped down on a flower
and thought to herslf "where have all the good little children gone?"
The good little children who listen to their mommies and daddies,
The good little children who drink their milk and eat their beans.
The good little children who brush their teeth and learn the a-b-c
The pink fairy flopped down on a flower
And thought to herself, 'Where have all the good little children gone?'
The good little children who listened to their Mommies and Daddies
The good little children who drank their milk and ate their beans
The good little children who brushed their teeth and learned their ABCs
Notice the words that I struck out and underlined in your version and the changes made in my version. Since you started out the piece in the past tense, you should maintain that tone throughout the piece so it's not so confusing to the reader.
Stanza 2: The little pink fairy flew through the sky,above the clouds,
(Place a space between the comma and 'above')
Stanza 3: For the fairy was the good fairy who granted wishes to little children who had been good.
But every night,she returned home without granting a single wis
because we though she was looking all night,she could never find
a good little child.
For the fairy was one who granted wishes to good little children.
But every night, she returned home without granting a single wish
Because she looked all night and could never find a good little child.
My version seems to be a bit shorter, but I felt that there were words you could have done without in your original piece.
Stanza 4: So,remember..
All you little girls and boys,be good for the pink fairy flies through the sky...
with her wand twinkling ever so bright.
Who knows your wish for a pony or a toy car might be fulfilled?
So remember, all you little girls and boys
Be good for the pink fairy flies through the sky
With her wand twinkling ever so bright.
Who knows? Your wish for a pony or a toy car might be fulfilled!
I did not think you need the ellipses in the stanza as it tends to 'slow' down the pace considerably. I also broke it down into smaller lines so the rhythm flows a bit better.
Overall, this was a good attempt and I thank you for sharing it with us. With a bit more polishing, I have no doubt it will be a gem. Keep on writing!
Format – Good use of the ML tags to enhance your story. Good spacing between paragraphs and dialogue and what a cute image at the end of it. You are quite the talented artist!
Content: A Codename Kid's Next Door fanfiction?? I never thought I'd actually see the day I'd drag myself to read something from this fandom. I was prepared to be squicked, but thank goodness you managed to keep them in character and produced a sweet and funny and entertaining tale that could very well fit into any given episode on TV. Great job! One thing that stood out to me while reading was the imagery. Some had me laughing, like:
The normally jovial Numbuh Two was downer than a pigeon picked off by a poacher.
There was evidence that she had gotten frustrated with the game's challenge level; four other Game Boys lay completely demolished in the grass behind her, their circuitry exposed like the entrails of a gutted whale.
Those were quite good! The dialogue was also well written and funny, and like I mentioned earlier, you do enough to make the reader 'see' these characters and the events they go through.
Suggestions:
Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it’s ultimately up to you to choose what works best.
>>"Look, a lot of us just turned twelve," he explianed,(explained)
>>like that guy from Wierd(Weird) Science
>>finding the boy on the ground like a(n) infant learning to crawl.
>>her flaring frusteration.(frustration)
>>more defiance audiable(audible) within his voice.
>>behind him to higllight(highlight) his figure
>>and now he was feeling wierd.(weird)
>>her head fortunetely(fortunately) landing softly on
Overall, an interesting and entertaining fanfiction. Thanks so much for not making it suck like the others I've had the misfortune of seeing/reading. Keep on writing!
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I will be reviewing your work May Blessings 
Format –
You definitely did a good job setting this up. I like the presentation, how you move from the history to the story to the recipes and then the song. Very nicely done.
Your first part of the story was quite informative and enlightening. You sure taught me a lot.
The story about Katrina and May Day was a nice way of using the information from the top half and putting it in practical form. It's a story that should bring smiles to adults and kids faces respectively, and you capture the festivities and joy of the celebration quite well. 
there should be music!
I think that one should apply to me. The prices are affordable and it's got a little something for everyone. Good job!
I noticed no spelling or grammar errors. Kudos. 
Again, I could be wrong and will stand corrected if proven otherwise. 
