This was a pretty good piece. The countdown is usually what the viewers watch on the television, people don't see the astronauts and ask what they are thinking. Instead they see smiles and confidence. This was a nice idea to delve into the fear they all must feel at that final moment. Good job.
This was a nice start to your story. I'm eager to see what happens next. But it sounds like it will be interesting, especially with that final line about meeting Paul. Good start.
I have all the American released ablums of the Beatles. Change to "albums."
This was a cutesy little song. I'm not quite sure what it was about though. Oh yeah, that reoccurring word, chocolate milk. When you brought brands into it, it reminded me of my childhood and climbing the counter to get out the Nestle's Quik. And it gave a very good impression of a kid hyped up on sugar. Good job.
This was a really great poem. It seems at one point to refer to God, but keeps up with the spirit of the wolf. I liked the idea of letting nature takes it course and bringing out the animal in us to face the world bravely. Very good job.
This was an interesting piece. You wrote well of the cut remaining for much longer than originally thought and used it as a good metaphor for how emotional cuts can remain and scar us for much longer than thought as well. In fact, more so than a physical cut, they can also fester. Good job.
I understand this was short for a contest, but it definitely leaves a few unanswered questions. Such as was the wife angry or did she forgive her husband. She couldn't hate him beyond repair if she still made him dinner. Good job.
This was a beautiful and such a peaceful poem. You describe the twinkling of the stars in the sky so well. I love when the shooting star goes by, it sounds so wonderful. And the feeling of the night air, with the dew hanging in the atmosphere, before it falls to cool the narrator causes me to almost smell the sweet smells around. Great job.
This was a cute and funny poem. I like how the temptation keeps threatening to overwhelm the dieter, but thoughts of a great figure barely hold out. Good job.
Washboard stomach, well-tones thighs, Change to "well-toned"
It makes me depressed and outs me in a mood, Change to "puts me..."
This was an interesting poem. It seems to illustrate the hard work that being a friend can be. You strive real hard to make sure you have the words of comfort when they are needed and it is a true friend who can finally deliver that truthful peace. Good job.
This was a very good poem. It has a nice moral to it. One should really consider if they want to die. Death is not one you can play with lightly. If you decide to rouse him, it will only take a miracle to put him back to sleep. Very good job.
Never again will I knock lightly at deaths door. Change to "death's."
I now tap on deaths door, Change to "death's."
but praying to God he only thinks its the rain. Change to "it's."
This was an excellent poem. You write with such love and pride for your son. You describe beautifully how your little baby grew into a heroic man and a credit to his family and country. Also, all the heroism he acquired along the way. Very good job.
This was an interesting poem. You describe the overwhelming sensation of being suffocated by fear and doubt, very well. You seem to particularly focus on lies and depression. The empty answers and remaining truths, meaning the happy naivity of honesty is long since gone and it has torn you apart inside. Very good job.
This is an interesting poem, briefly touching upon the confusion of a scattered brain. The narrator is obviously very upset that she is unable to bring her thoughts together and make sense of everything. Good job.
Thats all thats in my head Change both to "that's."
This was an excellent poem. Having had our first child seven months ago, it's all still so new and I can understand what you are writing. You want your child to see all the beauty in the world, as you do and live for life, so when it's time to pass on, there will be no regrets. True words from a parent to a beloved child. Great job.
This was a very interesting and confused poem. I'm not sure what the temptations the narrator is trying avoid, but it seems to nearly tear the narrator apart. But the narrator isn't willing to give in and must fight on. I like the end where you write about needing some space to figure it all out. Good job.
This was such a beautiful and sad poem. You wrote of absolute love, where a mere touch made the day wonderful and it didn't take lavish gifts to please you. But then the love from the man disappeared and in its place came sadness and lonliness. Great job.
This was a beautiful poem. Not only does it speak of new foliage, like you wrote it, but it's a good metaphor for the birth of a child. Even the drinking of the rain and standing stiff through snow works. It can symbolize the life force helping the child to grow and the strength to persevere. I'm not sure if this is what you meant, but great job.
This was a very good poem. I liked the two messages it conveyed. The one on the surface, with the narrator breaking a leg and needing medical attention. Also the underlying theme of people have injuries of the heart and need others to heal them as well. Very good job.
This was a simple, but nice poem. You made the happiness of the early relationship clear in the beginning of the piece, as well as the dissipation of the relationship. But the end fell a little flat. I'm not sure if it's some type of poetic form, but can you change the final line? It works when the two are together, but maybe if you made the final line "There was me... and you." It would make the two people separate, but it's just an idea. Good job.
I learned many years ago, when I was in grade school, a few lines to distinguish between two types of snakes, one poisenous and the other not, though there really weren't any snakes in suburban New Jersey. This sounds similar. ALso, you mention bruising his head, like stomping on? Good poem and way to remember. Good job.
This was a very short, but sweet poem. You made the park seem like a whole other world, separate from the hustle and bustle of city life. Very good job. Also,you mght want to rate this E, so people will know to read it.
where not even a trace of it's last
vistor can be seen or felt, Change "it's" to "its" and misspelled "visitor."
This was a curious piece, albeit a bit negative. It seems like the narrator has almost given up on making her life what she wants it to be. Instead of grabbing onto life and making herself happy, she seems resigned to sitting back and not planning on the future, but letting it happen around her. But at the very last moment, the end, she decides to try anyway, at least in her mind for the time being. An interesting and good piece.
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Oh yeah, that reoccurring word, chocolate milk. When you brought brands into it, it reminded me of my childhood and climbing the counter to get out the Nestle's Quik. And it gave a very good impression of a kid hyped up on sugar. Good job.