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231 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Every word we put to paper comes from someone else. We learn from parents, teachers, books, movies, idle conversations - our entire life becomes our source material. The only thing that's original and unique is our choice of how we put the words together. To be 100% honest, we'd have to credit the Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Google for every poem and story. I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me! Only the author can take credit for the final words, no matter what the source.
I'm good at...
My co-workers used to call me a 'typo savant'. Apparently, I read letter by letter instead of word by word. This is both a gift and a curse. I am often distracted by a typo when I should just move on in the story.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Mystery
Least Favorite Genres
I'm not a big fan of romance writing.
Favorite Item Types
Poetry
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Word Smith  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Disclaimer:

I may suggest changes in my review. This is not meant as 'serious' literary criticism (I’m no expert). It's merely my record of the ‘bumps’ I encounter as I travel through your words. If I'm thrown by a typo, an awkward word, or a line that doesn't scan, then it's likely that others will be as well. My intent in giving a review is to applaud your work and maybe help you to improve it. A review is merely another reference to consider. If the suggestions prove useful, then use them. If I ‘just don’t get it’, then by all means ignore me!


I like this poem a lot. The first half, especially, has strong images and a good flow. There are several lines that stand out, this one in particular:

         'In timeless verse I bear my soul' - 'bear' gives a different vibe than the expected 'bare'

There are also a couple of questions and suggestions that come to mind:

Most of the poem is written in rhyming couplets, but not the first two lines? And the final three lines seem as though they should be a final couplet?

'But what spills forth is to no one’s gain' - drop the 'to' for better rhythm?

'I lay in trust to be no more' - this line is confusing to me



All in all, an enjoyable read.


Keep Writing!





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2
2
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nicely done!

You've written a complete anecdote that references the number 22 in a very natural way. The dialogue is well done and there's a touch of humor. This is easy to read and brought a smile to my face. I didn't see any technical errors with spelling or grammar.

Keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror,
the reader brings the reflection.

For quill 2021 winners


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3
3
Review of Bon Appetit.  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely done!

I can see why this one won a prize.

This a well-written piece that is all too believable. I like your characterization of 'Mr. Pinstripe'. It captures the corporate essence and also emphasizes the faceless interchangeability of the power suits.

I don't see any nits to pick.

Keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

A poet merely pens a mirror,
the reader brings the reflection.

For quill 2021 winners


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Rated: E | (5.0)
Carly,

This is very well done, especially in light of the twenty-four hour contest deadline. I like the description of drinking buddies as fair weather friends. That shows real insight.

You've nicely captured a scene that could well have included Thomas. I really like the 'laughter bounding and bouncing' line.

I have a nit and a suggestion:

around each other shoulders (should be other's?)

We dance and hum the Chicken Dance (prance instead of dance?)


Keep writing!



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5
5
Review of The Leap  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Good story!

The details are rich and help the reader to 'see' the setting. Your dialogue sounds authentic to my ear. I like the way you've formatted the text with plenty of white space.

There are a couple of nits that I noticed while reading:

Was there was an accident?

a handsome young man dressed in (a) private school uniform

Everybody knew him as, Sam


Keep writing!


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6
6
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Laura,

This is a good beginning for your story.

I assume you want the full-blown editor's critique. Well, ready or not, that's what you're getting! Seriously, my nits and suggestions are shown below. If they're helpful, good. If not, ignore me and I'll not be offended. You are the author, and the choices are yours.

A general suggestion, look carefully at the present/past tense of your character's thoughts and dialogue. Present tense may be more appropriate sometimes.


"Hey John", an older gentleman
the comma should be inside the quotation marks

I am thinking, "How did he know my name?" I walked over
consider using italics for internal dialogue: How does he know my name? I walked over

dressed in brown buckskins an kinda looked rough
should be 'and'

and who are you?"
missing quotation mark

The man looked at him, judging by the way he was looking at me, he probably thought I had lost my marbles.
consider: Judging by the way he was looking at me, the man probably thought

"Son, I do you not remember?"
delete the 'I'

"No I don't remember anything, he wasn't about to tell
missing quotation mark

it looked like you are headed where we are headed
consider 'looks'

He wasn't about to tell Sam, he had no idea.
delete the comma?

his long graying hair, blew in the wind
delete the comma?

the more the idea
consider 'the more I thought, the more the idea'


In my mind, I thought ugh oh, I need to be more careful and watch the way I talk,
         this is the 1800's after all. I hesitated
consider: Uh, I need to be more careful and watch the way I talk, this is the 1800's after all. I hesitated

acquaint himself with everyone, A beautiful
lowercase 'a'

tied back even though she wore a
consider: tied back, and even though she wore a

a bit tattered and layers
consider: a bit tattered and had layers
also, this paragraph has confusing switches between the 'he' and 'I' viewpoint

back of the wagon, spread the map out on the tailgate of the wagon
repetitive, consider: back of the wagon, and spread the map out on the tailgate

It looked to be a three of 4 days ride
'of' should be 'or'

One of the families I had noticed the woman was pregnant and looked to give birth sometime soon.
consider: One of the women was pregnant and looked ready to give birth sometime soon.

Sam must of reading my mind
consider: Sam must of been reading my mind


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7
7
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Good job!

This is well written and all too real. Could it be a skirmish that presages a future blowup? The tip of a relationship iceberg?

The dialogue is very natural. I don't see any technical problems. But, is it fair to make the reader actually think? *Smirk*

Keep writing!



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8
8
Review of Custody Battle  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is well written with good details. It has an appropriate atmosphere for a private detective story. I especially liked the part where the 'hardboiled dame' transformed herself into a 'damsel in distress'.

I found a couple of rough spots that you might want to look at:

She withdrew looked at her phone,

knowing that she wouldn’t be able to don her favorite accoutrement

Looking up into the night’s sky,

She unbuttoned the stop few buttons of her blouse,

“Do you need help or something?”

dripping water from her soggy frame making would make the trail of her movements

expertly scanning her eyes over every surface

The sheets and blankets were made, undisturbed

you found evidence of my son at my ex-husband’s house?” asked Alicia Winters,


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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9
9
Review of Halloween  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done!

You've followed the form perfectly with a poem that could stand alone regardless of the form requirements.

You have several evocative images that really fit the holiday. I like the question mark that follows 'mortal'. It suggests the possibility of a costume, but not certainty.

I don't see anything that I would critique.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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10
10
Review of Life Undersea  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Party* This is a review to celebrate Writing.Com's 21st Birthday with "All Grown Up *Party*


Sum 1,

I found your poem on Read & Review.

This is a well constructed poem that does a good job of giving the reader a sense of what life is like on a nuclear sub (I assume nuclear). I had no idea that you would wear denim socks (anti-lint?). They sound uncomfortable. Explaining the Rondeau form is helpful, and adding a bit of a glossary is a great idea.

My only suggestion is to add a cover image. Just my opinion. There are a lot of public domain clip art images available at openclipart.org

I applaud your service.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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11
11
Review of Life Undersea  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sum 1,

I found your poem on Read & Review.

This is a well constructed poem that does a good job of giving the reader a sense of what life is like on a nuclear sub (I assume nuclear). I had no idea that you would wear denim socks (anti-lint?). They sound uncomfortable. Explaining the Rondeau form is helpful, and adding a bit of a glossary is a great idea.

My only suggestion is to add a cover image. Just my opinion. There are a lot of public domain clip art images available at openclipart.org

I applaud your service.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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12
12
Review of Badger  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Alvirah,

I found your story on 'Read & Review'.

This is a well written story with good images and a strong finish. I like the way you've used vernacular. It sounds natural to my ear. I read through it without any pauses to say 'oops'. That means your mechanics and grammar are very good. I don't have any suggestions for changes.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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13
13
Review of Vanity Fair  
Rated: E | (4.5)
LightinMind,

This is a nice rhythmic poem that fits well with the prompt. I like your images of 'colors dance' and 'twirling in the sky'.

The only quibble I have is the line 'To new patterns we adjust'. It sounds awkward to my ear. I'd suggest something like 'New patterns we weave'. But, hey, that's just my opinion.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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14
14
Review of The Legacy  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely done.

The images are very good. You have to actually see one of those framed flags to fully understand the impact.

Your rhymes are natural and the meter is consistent. The only line that I would question is: emotions so closely entwined. You might consider: emotions closely intertwined.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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15
15
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Beholden,

This is a cute story that satisfies the prompt nicely. It's well-written with a tongue-in-cheek style that fits the subject matter. The technical aspects of spelling, punctuation, and grammar are good.

I found only one spot that seemed a bit awkward:

Walking disinterestedly past behind the ogre,



Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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16
16
for entry "Invisible Ties
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Bobturn,

Good story!

You've come up with a genuinely creepy tree that makes its own good use of seemingly worthless people. Your descriptive details set the scene nicely and the dialogue flows well. The technical aspects of spelling, punctuation and grammar are mostly good, but there are a couple of places where I thought a comma might be needed or the phrasing seemed awkward to me.

Here are a few 'rough spots' for your consideration:

It's roots respond to and feed upon the nightmares of the buried

from across many states, (that were) willing to pay his price.

It’s you swinging to fast, hard and high.

His fingers stretched and opened (pulled) the hangman’s noose around his neck.

She felt it jerk her feet dancing a foot above the weedy ground

That long ago time, Mary Link found herself in possession of the Arlo Thomas’ group home and clients, (sounds awkward to me?)



Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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17
17
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Graham B.

Good story!

This is beautifully written. The descriptive language is near perfect, it really brings the setting to life. The dialogue suits each animal well. I especially liked the way you evoked Rat's personality with his behavior.

I didn't find any issues with spelling, punctuation, or grammar.

The only hiccup for me was this paragraph:

In our previous meeting, Frog was chosen," said Mantis. "I see his successor has not deigned to grace us with his presence.


I was confused for a bit, because I thought Crocodile was Frog's successor? Maybe I'm just slow on the uptake.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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18
18
Rated: E | (4.5)
Tina,

This is a clever little story that makes me wonder if I should put the chips away!

Your settings are realistic and the dialogue flows well. The only thing you could add is a butter-based sunscreen lotion. *Smile*

I did find a couple of proofreading nits for your consideration:

"Did you notice any of the promotional ads placed in the store?"

"No, I do did not." Lydia denied hotly.

" When will would you like to leave for your trip?"

Oh yes, the they filled their bodies to capacity on low nutrient foods



Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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19
19
Review of Finding Home  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Fyn,

This is a nice story that sums up a life well-lived. There's a good message here for all of us. I enjoyed reading it, but there are a few long sentences that could be broken up for better clarity.

Here's a proofreading nit for your consideration:

It had come a long way from a living room with a 1960s orange shag rug in the living room with and an old chenille blanket for a curtain.


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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20
20
Review of Twenty-nine  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good Story!

Thus is a nice idea and you wove the number 29 into the narrative in interesting ways. The settings are well-described and the dialogue sounds natural. The technical aspects of spelling, grammar, and punctuation are good, although there may be one or two misplaced commas.

I do have a couple of minor suggestions for your consideration:

What if I told you  ...?  I know why some great writers die early. (the opening line seems a bit awkward to me)

He was a mega-star-author (I'm not sure about the second hyphen?)


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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21
21
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice job!

This is a good story that obviously draws on your experience as a climber. That's a good thing because it makes the story authentic. On the other hand, some of the terms are unfamiliar to us low-altitude folk. I'm not sure that's bad, but it does interrupt the flow a bit.

Your descriptive details made the setting seem very real to me, and the dialogue flowed naturally.

I enjoyed reading this, the journey motif is a good one, and your ending is spot-on.

I found a couple of proof-reading nits for your consideration:

“Why do (you) ask?”

“I don’t think I get that from anyone else. It’s just part of you who I am!”


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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22
22
Review of Beneath this Mask  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Myles,

Good story!

This is well written and delivers a genuine emotional impact at the end. I found the setting realistic and the dialogue seems natural. There are a lot of descriptive details that ring true and make your small town seem real.

I found a couple of proof-reading nits for your consideration:

the Greyhound draws me closer (to) home

C'mom. The funeral parlor's just down the street.


Keep writing!


Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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23
23
Review of Payback  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Good story!

Well written with good dialogue and a nice ending.

Here are a few proofreading points for you to consider:

poured the sparkling cool water into a long glass

the Saran gas attacks

“Terrorists. Al-Quaida claimed responsibility.”

Earl watched on, holding his breath

the lights we’re low,

Lucas nodded, a faint smile flickering past his lips.


Keep Writing!

Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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24
24
Review of In the Woods  
Rated: E | (4.0)
WordAddict

I enjoyed reading your poem. I think the first verse is strong and I like the way that you stretched out the first line to evoke an overhanging branch. The following verses seem less poetic and more of a narrative. They describe the scene more than transporting me into the scene.

This is just my opinion and I'm not good at free verse, so take it with a grain of salt. Writing poetry is intensely personal, so any review is likely to miss the mark. We often hear that an author should 'write what you know'. I think better advice is to 'write what you like'. It's your poem, so the most important question is whether you like it. If it says what you intend to say in the way you intend to say it, then it's right.

Keep Writing!

Regards,

Wraiths Whirling 'Round

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25
25
Review of Avatars  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Logan,

Really nice poem. There are a lot of good images here. Your meter and rhyme are mostly spot-on, and that's difficult to maintain in a long poem. My aging eyes would prefer a larger and darker font, but that's just me.

I do find a nit to bring to your attention (because that's what I do best *Smile*).

I think you meant vacuum here, but if it's intentional, then ignore me:

a vaccum of spent nights


Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

Wraiths Whirling 'Round


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