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Review Requests: ON
1,485 Public Reviews Given
1,947 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a form I use for reviews. I look for a Goal, Motivation, Conflict and Resolution. It also allows me to tell what I liked and what I thinks needs improving. In my reviews I may make suggestions by adding my take on what the author is trying to say. Purely a suggestion to take or leave as needed.
I'm good at...
Giving in depth and fair reviews. I usually review stories that interest me. I don't always like them but they have promise and potential. I am fair but I AM reviewing. I do not review grammar or spelling. I do point out past and present tenses as well as the over use of WAS, WENT, THE and THAT in one story so watch those.
Favorite Genres
inspirational, mystery,action/Adventure, paranormal and anything that falls into those broad genre, some fantasy and comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Vampires,YA or adult. This genre is overrated and unless you write much better than Steph Meyer, I probably won't read it. Most Non-fiction unless the premise interest me. Always worth an ask.
Favorite Item Types
Everything in the STATIC file except the ones listed below: Look down
Least Favorite Item Types
Appendix, bulletin, campfire, in n out, editorial,letter/memo, lyrics, outline, preface, script/play, Poetry.
I will not review...
Poetry. I don't understand this style and don't feel confident to review it. Novel or novella, I reserve the right to refuse to review. Not to hurt feelings, but time wise it may be something I can't give good attention to, but always ask.
Public Reviews
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451
451
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really liked the story. As I have been around deaf people I saw that the writer knew their paranoia and concerns.
Your characters are good, the detail of the smell was a bit of distraction as I didn't get WHAT the smell specifically related to, just his father. Later the smell related the boy to the man. Nothing else was necessary, but it wasn't that big of a distraction.
I was especially interested in his sensory after gaining his hearing. It was too short. He moved too fast. It is my experience that upon hearing tumultuous sounds it is deafing (no pun intended) The brain is so confused that it shuts down. Hearing people learn to tune out white noise. All noise to the undeaf, is very painful. They cannot dissimulate. he would try to cover his ears, his eyes would water from the pain, his heart would be beating so fast and he would wonder how hearing people could hear anything with all the noise.
With this first affront, he might force himself to deal with the sounds (with his hands over his ears and everyone watching him with the same pity he saw before. He could hear, why are they looking at him like that. Then he to get away from the people he backs off the curb and falls into the street. The last thing he hears is the screaming of tires and the blaring of the horn as he loses the coin.
Okay I didn't mean to rewrite your ending, I am sorry. I just wanted you to know I was disappointed in the reality. It would not be the wonderful thing to suddenly hear after never hearing.
Other than that minor issue (mine alone I am sure) your writing is descriptive and to the point. I liked the story!
452
452
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
This is a good overview. Sort of opposite of what is written now. I am curious as to how you plan to make a story with this information. You have to have characters, some kind of goal and a motivation to reach it then some conflict to keep them from their goal.
i.g after a number of years of evolution. A scientist is doing an MRI on a host and hears strange things. He takes the "recording" home and his/her child who is into electronics manages to filter the sound and it is a 3rd person talking. giving instructions to the host. how to react when awakened, how to handle blah...
What do I do with this information? do I tell authorities? now you have to have some goal, a motivation? maybe they heard a PLOT of some sort. I think you have a good foundation, but you need a riviting story to carry it out, Possible 2-3 or series of people's stories that are all brought together at the end.
I would be interested in what you decide to do.
453
453
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
{c:red)Plot
Could be a great story if I knew what was going on. I got a dead person in an inn, but you then distracted the reader by TELLING us a bunch of back story. I got that she was having company but there was nothing that made me want to turn the page or even keep reading to the end.

Style and Voice
You either will have to do a prolog with all the set up if you want all that backstory. Try reading this aloud and you can see the narrator is distracting the reader. Stick to the problem. Have her tell some one that she has company in less than an hour and needs this DONE. Give us a sense of how she handles pressure, good or bad? Why have the dead person gone? what if people come in and she watches to see their reaction? Is she the "detective" in the story? If not then the "Dick" needs to talk to all the guests, what better way?


Referencing-Setting
I like the setting, you TOLD us everything, instead of having us discover the setting through her eyes. Never tell when you can show.
I would love to read more about the Inn in Alaska(wonderfull idea as nights are long-good thinking!!!!)

Scene/Setting
I am curious about how the dead person got there,but it was mild curiousity. give the reader a sense of urgency other than company coming. Was he famous? well loved? hated?
Characters
I got the owner, her husband? Rafe? he appears all of the sudden in thought? a little tag would be helpful


Just my personal opinion
I think you have a great start to a story, with a little more information and re write you could trigger the reader (me) to really get into this story. I would be happy to read more, I have been reading Vamp books all my life. Stoker ot Feehan to the new authors (some I do not like) But I love a good vamp story. I have written one myself.
454
454
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.0)
very cute game, it wasn't as easy as I first thought. The words were mostly in straight lines, had you added some of the more creative words like heartthrob, sweets and messages. Even some things like Tender, bouquet (you did have flowers and roses) Date, candlelight. That would have really put the gamer to the test. But it sure was a cute word search. I loved it.
455
455
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Let me wipe the tears first. Okay, this is only the 2nd "5" I have given
I can't say anything wrong about this piece. It was written from the heart and probably experience. It shows your deep love for each other and the small things in life.
I am printing this (I hope you don't mind), to share with my mother who is facing all of this with my dad who we just found out has cancer in his esophogus. I want her to see that there is always hope and God's Will be done.
They live near the beach, My father likes to fish off the "dock" and I want to share with them your story so that when they go for a walk there, they will think of it as a dock AND a berth!
Thank you for the beautiful word picture you shared. I feel you need to send this to "Chicken Soup" if you are an over 50 writer I KNOW you can and probably would be published in the next Oasis book. Look it up!
456
456
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Plot. Very interesting, Great idea. It had a great set up, facinating middle with the trial and outcome, and an ending.
Characters: You need to give a bit more inference to the look of Connor, sometimes by actions character traits are brought out. "push back a lock of blond hair.. In court it was all conversaion, no suspense.
What I liked: The idea they couldn't lie but the accident changed that. He was caught in the lie first by the accident then in the court room. This would make an axcellent novella, add more depth to the characters, bring in the drama of things he tried when he finds he can lie and there is no punnishment. Or is there? When one lies many more are told to cover it.
HMM how many does he have to tell to cover the accident? You covered the trial one, but not what he does. What is his choice? Yes you bring us full circle, but that is not an ending. What are the concequences of lies by those who made lying impossible?
You need to give a sense of his choices. Run them through his head. morally, legally and effects on his family. You have not given us his strength of character. I don't know if he will go after the boy, admit the lie, or kill himself. You need to establish his character in the face of trouble so the reader then can assume the only option Conners will take is the one the reader believes his strength or weaknes to be.
457
457
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Another great story. This one while shorter was better at leading the reader to the climax, taking in consideration they hadn't read THE LOTTERY and loved it. I had a suspiciion. The charactes were a little confusing. At first I thought Timmi was a boy about 5 years old. Then he was in a race, something that boys might do, but at that age he would not have over thought the loss. so I am still not sure what age Timmi is why was he weak? he could run so he wasn't a cripple. The suggestions were there as intended, but the thoughts were confusing. They were adult thoughts, too old for a boy. at the beginning give some indication of age if the child and keep his thoughts to that age. The adult memories must be brought in later.
Good story....
458
458
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This started out a very good story. The writing is good, well defined and except for a few odd logistic questions you raised, it was pretty wild.

While you have a good grasp of the story line, you have a quick mind that jumped from place to place too fast to tell the story. It was over just when I was getting into the plot.

You have good dialog which is difficult for some people. Good descriptions of the little person, but I have no idea what "I" looked like. short, tall, long hair? How did he look in his cowboy clothes?

this would be a great start of a novella.
459
459
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (3.5)
Plot. Very wordy, very discriptive of the killing, the movement and people killed. There was no plot, no beginning or middle or end. Just killing for the purpose of some unknown person/clan. The end did not make any sense even it were part of a bigger picture.

Character: At first I had some question but I left the preconceived ideas to follow the character who moved with no responsibility to gravity or motion. What he did was nearly impossible. He had no depth except that he was a killer with some convoluted idea of right and wrong.

Impression: A very good chapter in a larger story where all is explained or the characters with their backgrounds revealed along with the ultimate purpose.

Suggestion: read your work aloud. Misused words detract from the story. sentances that doen't make sense. Parts were missing.
460
460
Review of The Hunter  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Plot: I liked the beginning and the way it ended. It ended quick, too quick.

Suggestion: You could have made this a little more detailed. How did he know it was this man? What if he made a mistake and it wasn't this man but another? There was too much you left to the reader to assume, there was no clue that proved it was this man. maybe he didn't care who it was really, it was all about revenge on men in general. You mind is quick and precise, don't forget readers now days expect proof . They have watched to much TV with CSI and NCIS proving everything.

Your begining brought the reader into the man's mind and his premeditative mind. Good thinking.
461
461
Review of Wishing Well  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A very good story; well written, well thought out. It held my interest until the end, IT was not what I expected, but the choices were very unique and a happy ending even if it was different.
462
462
Review of Clarence  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The POV was a little hard to adjust to. The content was good and you got your point across. I felt outside the story. You were telling it as if in conversation, disasociated. Bring the reader into the story, make them feel what he felt, see what he saw. This is a very short story for something that is a very indepth situation. You need to decide if you just want to tell the event, or do you want to tell Clarence's real story. But you got the point across. I understood what was going on. Clarence spent more time on the past situations then on the real reason why he did what he did. It doesn't seem enough reason to end it all. You came to the end too soon.
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