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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/thekindred/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/15
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1,485 Public Reviews Given
1,947 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a form I use for reviews. I look for a Goal, Motivation, Conflict and Resolution. It also allows me to tell what I liked and what I thinks needs improving. In my reviews I may make suggestions by adding my take on what the author is trying to say. Purely a suggestion to take or leave as needed.
I'm good at...
Giving in depth and fair reviews. I usually review stories that interest me. I don't always like them but they have promise and potential. I am fair but I AM reviewing. I do not review grammar or spelling. I do point out past and present tenses as well as the over use of WAS, WENT, THE and THAT in one story so watch those.
Favorite Genres
inspirational, mystery,action/Adventure, paranormal and anything that falls into those broad genre, some fantasy and comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Vampires,YA or adult. This genre is overrated and unless you write much better than Steph Meyer, I probably won't read it. Most Non-fiction unless the premise interest me. Always worth an ask.
Favorite Item Types
Everything in the STATIC file except the ones listed below: Look down
Least Favorite Item Types
Appendix, bulletin, campfire, in n out, editorial,letter/memo, lyrics, outline, preface, script/play, Poetry.
I will not review...
Poetry. I don't understand this style and don't feel confident to review it. Novel or novella, I reserve the right to refuse to review. Not to hurt feelings, but time wise it may be something I can't give good attention to, but always ask.
Public Reviews
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351
Review of the other side  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great Story, good use of the prompt and WHAT a Story teller you are. The use of fairy tales through out the piece woven in so that it was seamless. The goal to find the "treasure" and the conflicts that she had in spite of her motivation gave the story a wonderful twist. The little gem at the end with the frogs (prompt) and the thorns from the mother were a very nice touch.
I didn't see any mistakes, but I was so caught up in the story if there were any they were overlooked.
I am still grinning at the end lines as I am writing this. You deserved to win this one
352
352
Review of PC Trouble  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very well done. Simple lines, not over done nor did you try too hard, and do the over kill. It has good meter, word usage is easy to follow. You didnd't talk "down" yet we have all been there and can easily sympathize with the muzak, and Mozart.
The only drawback is that it ended to simply. A doomed computer? I would rather have read that YOU figured it out and left her amazed, they aren't perfect you know. Or something along the line that rebooting for the umpteenth time ended in a zip and zap and a black screen. There was no sympathy from the expert only "let me send you to our sales dept they will hook you up with a new one. "
Even if you don't make any chnages, it is still a good poem.
353
353
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A very good account of what happened. You made good case for an appeal. I like the way you interpreted the account. It was very well thought out and portrayed.
You used the characters in an inventive way giving them a good clue and one very viable to what could have happened.
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354
Review of 'til later  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very well done. Easy to follow and very revealing. I guess it kept to the prompt.
the fact you revealed that there was a bit of distress in the idea of taking the test and then procrastinated was a very normal thing. We all go through the stress, but the route you took to put off the test only made the situation more stressful when you were found out.
good job.
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355
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To steal money from a convenience store

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? He needs money to live, just got out of Juvy

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? His brother has decided to join him. When he gets into the store he sees a girl who is beautiful but responds to him. While talking to the girl his brother comes into the store as planned but the clerk shoots the brother.

*Balloon4* Resolution He takes the blame for the situation and faces the police, guns raised. You assume the ending

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? You get inference to the situation the boys are in, Isaac has been in Juvenile Detention before, his younger brother Jason is just starting out. Both boys have redeeming qualities and are not hardened criminals

*Gift2* What I liked about the story The flow of the story worked well. There were a word or two I did not know as I do not smoke or drink. We are so sympathetic to their bumbling plight that we forget that they have committed a criminal act. My heart went out to them even though they made wrong choices.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work There is no reference to age so Jason's actions don't always ring true. He seems very immature or too young to have been given the job Isaac gave him in this robbery. Isaac has a good plan, but he is too easily distracted and too sensitive to pull it off. It was doomed from the start. You can leave it as is and it will be fine. Isaac does not act like a hardened criminal. If you want the edge to it you need to make Issac more hard and leave out the sweet conversation with the girl. He needs to see her, access her beauty and her usefulness, but only as a reward after they complete the job. Then when we read his actions we see the contrast of his hard shell and softness for his brother.

Submitted to Supernatural Review Raid
356
356
Review of A Rigged Game  
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? There is no goal yet, but a customer approaches with a little girl

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? Ernie helps the little girl win a lion

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? The game takes skill and some luck, usually the general population has very little of the first and almost none of the second.

*Balloon4* Resolution none

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? not too much. They are carnival barkers. One likes his given name the other by his nickname.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story I like the descriptions, though very few you got the gist of the setting and the action.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work Hanging garish stuffed animals on empty hooks hooks are assumed to be empty,unnecessary verbiage. The space would be better used for more information.
Her father answered her babbling in curt, sing-song monotone: “yes,” “no,” and “mm-hmm.” you cannot have sing-song and monotone. One infers difference in inflection the other no inflection at all. Leave out the sing song and give the father a bored response of having to be there under duress.
“Gotcha, huh?” Ernest smiled and shook his head. What does this sentence mean? I don't know what he is asking. maybe clarify it or make him very friendly so we know that he will be her friend.
Anyway, I just figured her dad was having a bad day Bert figured this from what deduction? you didn't reveal anything that gave that impression. The dad offered to help her but she refused. Did she ask and he refuse a second time? this too was a little confusing,
Since you are doing this in short segments, you need to make sure every word is important to the story's continuation. You also ended this with no hook to keep the reader waiting for the next installment.
What is the purpose of this story? You need to make it sinister, or comical, or intriguing. Use words that will hook the reader to want to return to hear more.

Submitted to Supernatural Review Raid
357
357
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To sell enough Tupperware to stay in business

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? The Tupperware business has been in his family for generations and it is a matter of honor and economics

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal?The economy has reduced the Tupperware sales to a lower class of people who don't buy as much. The status of having and wearing Tupperware has passed. People are not buying from the small shops but going to the mega malls

*Balloon4* Resolution A man comes into the shop with and offer to get him out of his situation. He must kill a man for 10 Million dollars

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? We see how the times have effected the man and his business. There were some very comical ways to use Tupperware, and the status it held at one time. Mr. Withington is a very traditional man who refuses the offer, but his economics cause him to think about it a little more

*Gift2* What I liked about the story I loved the shop, the explanation of the evolution of Tupperware in this case. The humor of the situation and the result.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work I think the ending needs a little more work. I don't know if there was a word count, but there just needed to be some additional angst to the end. Conflict of his morals vs economics and whether he really could pull the trigger. Maybe holding the gun and feeling the weight, how heavy it really was, Seeing the people walk buy but not even looking at the window display. Then ending with him setting the gun down on the counter and motioning to a small desk and chair for the man to sit and discuss the details.
This has been submitted to Supernatural Review Raid
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358
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I read the review by a previous reader and totally disagreed with Jack. He doesn't understand what you are trying to say. This is odd for me because I don't usually read poetry.
The first stanza defines one who wants to help a certain group of people.
and that they couldn't see what he offered.
The second is a drift of two different people and while I think they should have been divided into separate stanzas, they were understandable.
The last line, I did disagree with because there are SOME who go with him. Unless you are describing those who you were writing about it is not true. You might want to make that clear.
There is no real meter or rhyme to the piece and it isn't a story so you might want to look a little closer at that.
I think you did very well to get the thought across. I just don't think Jack "Got" it or understood the true meaning.

Submitted to the Supernatural Review Raid
359
359
Review by Quick-Quill
In affiliation with The Central Bank  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a great story beginning. The fact I had no idea what the names and words mean, there was some gist to the story to lead some kind of description. The lack of vocabulary hindered the mental picture of the market place and a few other details I kept reading. Once the race was on, the visual was there inspite of not knowing what everything was.
I enjoyed the thrill of the race, the action of the opponents. I wanted to know more. I made my mind to see the corrolation between the race and the Dragon Fight of HP and the dragons in The Disney How to Train your Dragon. If there was no visual how would these actions be decribed? Very similar, with word pictures.
You did a very good job with this. I was very impressed. I hope to read more of this. I suggest a Key to the vocabulary just to clue the reader as to what it all means. I admire the girl and love the little snake.
I can't find fault with the goal (although I don't know the future goal, only that she must win to live) I don't know what is the motivating factor as I hope that is revealed at the end of the race. I certainly see the conflicts.
Good Job

Submitted for Supernatual Review Raid
360
360
Review of Out of Time  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? a girl who fears the prediction of a carneval gypsy.

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? fear that the prophesy will come true

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? She sees a clock in a museum but doesn't fear is and leaves, confident she has no met anything sinister

*Balloon4* Resolution the prophetsy comes true in an odd way

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? You see her trying to rationalize her fear and justify her movements

*Gift2* What I liked about the story I liked the flow and the way the story lead you along so you could't just ignore the story line.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work Nothing, it was well crafted and met all the requirements and had a great twist at the end. Good job!

361
361
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is one of the few poetry pieces that I can understand to a point. At least I understand the general meaning. It pulles emotion and compassion from my heart, it angers my soul. It confuses me because I don't understand. The phrases lead me through the pain and process of your feelings of abandonment. I like the way you subtly say "You're taller than me...." It has so many meanings and can be construed in many ways that are brought out in your poem.
A very good job. To the point and heartfelt
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362
Review of Bus Stop  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To just disappear into nowhere, then he found a purpose; what happened to Jack Taggart?

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? Curiousity and the connection to a dead man

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? A place to stay, money to pay for his food and lodging and the means to look up information about Jack

*Balloon4* Resolution He finds the body, the police find the murderer and Matthew finds a purpose for living, Eileen

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? Not really but we see that Matthew finds a purpose other than existence.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story I like mysteries. I like stories about ghosts that want justice not to just hang out and scare people.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work Nothing, except that a word count limit meant no real detail and the ending had to come quick. I would love to see this expanded into a longer work and more detail. I definetly can see this in novel form. You have all the elements, now just expand it and possible make the crime boss try to off him but Jack protects him some how and faces the Mob boss....okay you take it from here.

363
363
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think you have a great idea, I am not a blogger per sae as I do not know what to write. I was invited and took a look at the Permit because it said there were requirements. I was hoping to get some direction. I read nothing about requirements or what was expected from a blogger. I would have thought the criteria would be; if you do not blog a certain number of times, "building the city" would not function properly. A sliding scale of say # of times a week or minimum per month. Also the encouraging of critiquing each other per month needs to be done so the writers are not myopic. Are you willinging to read another person's blog each week? # per week/month are required.
If there is no requirements then why do you want to know what people write about? That should be required, even if it just a daily Facebook update. At least you know what is being written. Some may write a series or a trip or the growth of their children. Then others may write about depression. (How depressing?)
I just think you need to show people that you have expections or want certain things from the writers in YOUR communty.
What is it that you are trying to build with this blogging community? Just curious.
364
364
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? to scare his brother

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? The joy of watching the reaction of his brother's fear

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? in the end the boys are trapped in the closet with the bugs and can't get out

*Balloon4* Resolution They are eaten and the bugs return to the walls

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? no but we get the impression that these are brothers and all siblings tease each other.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story Everything. It was well thought out, it followed the prompt and in the end was very typical of a scary bedtime story. I couldn't think of anything that jumped out at me. when I got to the end I was satisified that you included everything that a good scary story should have.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work nothing.

365
365
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To keep the candle lit

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? He is afraid that if the candle goes out her will die

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? The wind and for some rreason there is a shadow that seems to want the flame to die.

*Balloon4* Resolution He dies in the end becuase the falme went out is the asumption

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? no too short, But we know he is educated and feels that education is above superstition. However, education has nothing to do with inner fear of death.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story The last part where he was lighting the matches and his thoughts were definately scary. There was intensity to the story. I also liked that he felt he could defy superstition or tradition with will and education. What this says is no matter who or what we are, we have fear, most of the time it is the fear of death.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work I could not relate to "K" I like names. K sounds unfinished as if you couldn't think of a name and this detracked from the character. I also think short sentences and paragraphs tend to make the reader fear what is next. When I see long paragraphs, it is hard to force myself to read every word so I may miss something. Especailly these type of stories, break up the paragraphs so the intensity builds as the reader's eyes go quickly from one to the next.

366
366
Review of Infidelity  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A very well written story. A good plot and it followed through to the end with even flow. the setting could be any time as the story is common enough to be set in any time frame. The basis of the story was easy to follow. The Characters of Franchesca and Anthony were well defined as the actions moved the story to its conclusion taking them along.
While I enjoyed the story, it was predictable and not what I would call very scary.
There was nothing wrong with any of it as followed the prompt well.The only reason I didn't give it a 5 is because it didn't WOW me or scare me.
367
367
Review of OMG  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
OMG was a perfect title for this story. I had to go back and read the beginning twice before I was half way through. Who was Charlie? this could be male or female. The dates between the two had me going for a while, still hoping Charlie was a girls's name dispite the Navy buddy reference. The lead up to the end and ending had me hooked. This story is wonderful in its tale. While there were lots of questions and holes that left the reader in constant confusion, the ending was well worth the misdirection.
Great Job and It was a good choice for the winner.
368
368
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
I thought the poem was cute. It took the reader through the thoughts of finding a computer. Then finding the personal pictures. While they were harmless, the option to keep the item rather than consult the authorities was a odd one in this day and age. Enlightening might be a better word.
It was very enjoyable.
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369
Review of Memory Station  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked this story in that it tried to bring the aura of the beginning of the Industrial age to mind. The description of the engine was accurate as if it were from memory not something she was seeing in real life. I was confused to what the setting was. Was she dreaming? transporting back in time, that was never really made clear.
The idealizim of the etiquette of the day was indeed a figment of the imagination. Diaries from the day told a very different story. Unless they were riding in a private car.
While I think this piece was well intentioned, the flow of thought was choppy at the end. What period in time was she really in? Since it was written in third person the person writing was indeed writing with their eyes closed just dreaming.
I wish you well with this contest.
370
370
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Having seen Extreme Makeover do a house for someone like this I have more empathy for the situation.I thought you brought it out very cleverly. At first I thought is WAS a vampire story, then he got transferred for work so I knew what the situation might be. The flash back was smoothly inserted and did not hinder the flow. You said it all very well in those few short words. You kept to the prompt. Good Luck on the contest.
371
371
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
There is a lot of words to say something very simple. When one acts in haste, one repents in leisure. What was written here was philosophical rhetoric.The flow of the beginning is very well done and the words are put to print in a conciseness. Well thought out paragraphs. It started out as sermon text, almost too deep for people to understand. Then it slowed to the end where the explanation began. That was the best part.
People want to know what you have to say about forgiveness but there was nothing there. This should have been titled Make your choices Carefully, subtitled, your posterity has to live with it forever!

By inference I guess the grandmother has forgiven the man for walking away. I don't get that impression from the writer. Where does the grudge come in? There was no indication she carried a grudge so that leads me to think the family has carried it for her. If so that also means she has inferred it needs to be carried on. I am not sure there is forgiveness here.
372
372
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? Get though an old time church service with his father

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? I am not sure why he was there, it was an indecent in their life. He was determined to spend the Sunday with his dad even if it meant standing for hours, hearing the repetitive responses, then the "band" played and that was totally out of his comfort zone.

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal?The service was unfamiliar to the young man, he wasn't prepared for its length and he mechanics of the service

*Balloon4* Resolution The service was finally over and they went home to Sunday Dinner

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? I am sure that the characters were introduced at an earlier time. The descriptions and their mannerisms and thought gave a good indication of background and beliefs. The father must have been a hard living man and his son, and agnostic, spent very little time with him. Their differences and yet similarities wer very evident

*Gift2* What I liked about the story Being well "churched" I found the observations of the young man to be humorous. I loved the descriptions of the people and their clothing and rituals. Churches are a mixture of many things and this story brought out the good, bad and ugly. I smiled and laughed. Over all I liked this story. I was waiting for them to gather and lay hands on him and cast out the devil.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work There are some parts that seem to be thoughts by the main character that draw away from the story line. They are not far off they just are, well, boring. The subject was himself bored and the reader, at times felt the same way. Keep it light and funny, as most of the story was. It just needs some tightening up.

373
373
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To tell the reader that he loves this baby girl

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? The fact that he loved her mother and promised his love to her daughter

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? There was an accident while the mother was pregnant and the mother gave up her life for the baby to live

*Balloon4* Resolution He has love for the daughter

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? To short but you did get the sense that the man had come to love the things about the girl that reminded him of the mother

*Gift2* What I liked about the story The emotion that was evoked in the short sentences. There was good description and the wording was well thought out to bring the most feeling to the story.

*Gift2* What do I think needs work Nothing that I could see.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
374
374
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? to get laid or at least find some girl to alleviate his boredom

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? He sees a girl that is as bored as he is and is wearing a jacket with the logo of a band he likes. It give him something to talk about

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal?She rebuffs his advances but he charms her into letting him stay. She invites him home but makes him run up the stairs to her apartment. She slams the door in his face but invites him in.

*Balloon4* Resolution His friends appear and she kills them all

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? Yes, but it a subtle way that leads you to think this is a normal interaction. You see charm, persuasiveness, and dark intent.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story Everything. I love the slow, predictable start and that it leads to a predetermined end. I love that the end is a surprise and that you didn't over do it. We don't see anything from Kiera's POV and that lends to the surprise. You didn't try to explain anything which was even better. We know the limitations of this genre and you didn't deviate. Great Job!!

*Gift2* What do I think needs work Nothing! I would love to challenge you to write just as an exciting story in a different genre. I think it would be worth the effort.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
375
375
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a strange piece to read as I am not sure of the purpose. It seems to be a mirror of itself.
The beginning spoke of the wandering thoughts of an old man. He likened himself to cotton candy and gave the observation of an old man sitting across from a small child.
There is not much after that but it begins to the invert by going on to describe the same feelings as the beginning of the piece in the wrap up. Again apologizing for being old.

It has good verbiage, and is written with some thought and purpose. The piece explained itself as being the ramblings of an old man leaving something for posterity.
" we leave our footprints in the dust of life and little bits of our cotton candy stuck to all the people’s lives we touched along our way, that is what truly tells our story." I think more like artistic graffiti; there for time but not always understood by everyone who looks.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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