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Review Requests: ON
1,485 Public Reviews Given
1,947 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a form I use for reviews. I look for a Goal, Motivation, Conflict and Resolution. It also allows me to tell what I liked and what I thinks needs improving. In my reviews I may make suggestions by adding my take on what the author is trying to say. Purely a suggestion to take or leave as needed.
I'm good at...
Giving in depth and fair reviews. I usually review stories that interest me. I don't always like them but they have promise and potential. I am fair but I AM reviewing. I do not review grammar or spelling. I do point out past and present tenses as well as the over use of WAS, WENT, THE and THAT in one story so watch those.
Favorite Genres
inspirational, mystery,action/Adventure, paranormal and anything that falls into those broad genre, some fantasy and comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Vampires,YA or adult. This genre is overrated and unless you write much better than Steph Meyer, I probably won't read it. Most Non-fiction unless the premise interest me. Always worth an ask.
Favorite Item Types
Everything in the STATIC file except the ones listed below: Look down
Least Favorite Item Types
Appendix, bulletin, campfire, in n out, editorial,letter/memo, lyrics, outline, preface, script/play, Poetry.
I will not review...
Poetry. I don't understand this style and don't feel confident to review it. Novel or novella, I reserve the right to refuse to review. Not to hurt feelings, but time wise it may be something I can't give good attention to, but always ask.
Public Reviews
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376
Review of School Paper  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? Don't know but maybe to find who won a drawing contest

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? One cannot see the paper to read the winning name

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal? One has the paper the other won't let them see it

*Balloon4* Resolution Teacher shows up and assigns detention

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story? No, they call each other names. It is confusing and detracts from the purpose of the story. Girls don't usually call each other names, guys are more prone to that kind of thing

*Gift2* What I liked about the story I didn't like or dislike as it had no real point. I liked the part with the stick figure. You did very well with the dialog in that there was no confusion who was talking, even at the end with the teacher showed up. That was very well done.

*Gift2* What do I think need work The girls need to tell which one might have submitted their own art. Once could say the other was a better artist. What was the point of this story?

377
377
Review of The Librarian  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Great Piece. I loved the story as a whole. I want more, it was too short, a tickler of more to come.
There are just a few things I took issue with. Do not use familiarities when writing unless they are in conversation. i.e. "you see" and the redundant "he was my fault"
There was no transition between the past and present. From "I will not eat them.." what was that about? to the next paragraph we didn't know time had changed.
You have great descriptions; the woman with the "fry 'em shirt, the beginning paragraph was excellent.
In the end, I have more questions than I should. Who was Jackson? Why did she think SHE made these men killers? Why was a package of articles sent to her? Then you stop at the critical part of her going to find answers. Answers that you have just made the reader also want to know. That is the point of writing, create a question and then resolve it at the end. Didn't happen here.
If you decide to rework this I would love to re read it.
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378
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
You took me back to the time of my childhood. An era of growth, change and inspiration. While you listed the different shows you had no real opinion about TV at that time. It was new, it was all there was, it became the new babysitter.

While I enjoyed remembering, there wasn't a point to the piece. I would have liked to hear from you what made those shows special to you. In the next generation they too had shows that were special in their growing years. Why do you think the 50's and 60's were 'a simpler time?"
Unless you are 50 years and older, most of these names are foreign or something you might see if you watch Retro.
I liked remembering, but in the end, that is all it was, a nice memory and "THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES" it was fun!
379
379
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is just the first Chapter and we have instant action. We are introduced to Marcel and Ceren. Until the end I didn't know what era this was. There are a lot of sailing ships even now. I was confused about the Gunnery officer and that it was a woman. There was no concern about the first two men overboard and his passing concern over the others that died. they were a "waste"
I am getting the impression I won't like this Marcel. He is cold. At the end there is the reference to his sword so I am assuming this is the 1600-1700s.
I have no idea (yet) what the goal is for the main character, what are his motivations but we did see one conflict,; a storm. I love the howl at the end, great way to start the next segment.
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380
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To make it through the anniversary of the death of a daughter

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? To keep memory of her daughter's death alive to everyone around her.

*Balloon5* What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal?The fact that her daughter was taken out of her care when she wasn't on guard. The killer won't tell where the bodies of the girls were buried

*Balloon4* Resolution The killer was killed in prison

*Balloon4* Do the characters develop in this story?

*Gift2* What I liked about the story It was a great story well thought out and crafted.

*Gift2* What do I think need work I can;t think of anything that really needs work. Because the story was so interesting nothing came to my attention
381
381
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is well thought out in your mind. This"prologue" should be put back into the files as back story. I too have fallen into the trap of tell it all upfront. Prologue should be a moment in time to lead the reader to look for "The rest of the story" in the novel that follows. (for instance the moment the tear becomes the egg and where it is taken. Then the story starts with what leads up to that moment or what happen right after.)
This should be titled "A prequel" What happens before your story starts.

I can't tell if you are going to be a great writer because you didn't tell a story. You were outlining in prose a history lesson that was at best very vague. Peace and Chaos are a concept and different to each person. You seem to make them a physical entity with thoughts and consequences.
I would like to see a sample of your actual story. Your Chosen has a goal; to protect the dragon egg. The dragon will have an instinct goal though I am not clear what it is. I assume that two will have some goal together and a motivation for reaching it. (i.e. They must protect the Fae against Chaos) then there will be the conflicts that keep them from reaching their goal.
You have a great start with plenty of back ground to work with, now what is the plot for your real story?
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382
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very well written. The issues were described in a fashion that was very easy to understand. The article takes the reader from the introduction of acts against women in Pakistan and the consequences of these acts by Pakistani men. The article further unfolds the partial apathy that these women may have due to the long history of these actions. The article further offers in a vague way, that because of twentieth century media these actions against women have been brought to world attention. It further offers a limited choice to all Pakistani women for their lives
The end brings the writer to a personal example of choice and a possible end over which she has no control
I am not sure the purpose of the article, but it is informative.
383
383
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
I rarely give a 5 only to those who touch me, reach me or connect with me on a high level. It is by emotion that I rate a story/poem. Besides the fact I rarely read poems because they seem to have some meaning beyond my simple comprehension. Your poem excelled above all others. Not only did I understand it fully, was able to read it with ease; I totally and completely agreed.
You have taken the very essence of sin and its parts, to a full understanding by any who read this. I bow your ability as a poet but also your insight and confidence to expound it.
Kudos my friend!
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384
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? I don't know, there was no goal it was just rambling thoughts to her deceased sister.

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? She was hoping the dead sister could hear her and understand her sorrow.

*Balloon5* What conficts or situation are trying to prevent reaching the goal? I didn't understand the part at the end, who the IT was what went on, it was too vague. There was something about her being in jail, and I don't know if she was in jail at the time she was thinking all of this or not. There was one or two men involved but their place wasn't revealed.

*Balloon4* Resolution There was none. I don't know if she was still in jail or not. I don't know what happened to the sister, did she die in an accident or what?

*Gift2* What I liked/didn't like about the story The ramblings were just that. It was as if the writer needed to get something off her mind and wrote it all down. There was little to reference to except that her sister died and she was feeling a little guilty. There was this part at the end that really made no sense as its real reason was hidden and only known to the writer and her sister. This piece really was written to the sister and left the reader out of the whole story.

385
385
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart*Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


*Note1* First Impression
I was intrigued by the idea and wanted to see what this was about.

*Balloon5* Style and Voice
I think this was written tongue in cheek with a few trueisms thrown in for good measure


*Gift1* Just my personal opinion
The phrase "Nice guys always finish last" is unfortunately true. It is my observation that the Nice Guys also don't come with a very high self confidence gene. They also don't listen to the girls they hang with. Those girls are more than willing to do a make over and take a "geeky Nice Guy" and turn him into a ?Stud muffin. Somewhere along the line everything in this piece is true and happens over and over again!
My favorite line is (Over time, the Sorter was gradually renamed as High School). This made me smile in how true that line is.
While this piece is not a news bulletin, it is a piece that could be condensed and put in a school newsletter!
I think all boys are born with a "nice" gene, it is the environment they come from that surpresses or enables the Jerk to be a Jerk. The Jerk is heavily infused with low self-esteem and needs constant attention to keep inflated.
You have a great insight and a gift for putting your thoughts in print. I will look to see what else you have written. This is a great site to publish your views and get response. Keep writing.

*Gift1* line Items
elderly woman, cwho may be rippled by
whether the Guys are Nice or not. Nice is naturally
unfounded myth about Nife Guys is that
This is the dirt reason the Nife Guy is dying out This is the DIRT? did you want to use that word, because it doesn't fit.
Fresh Nice Guys Re produced reproduce
ardous trek wihout proper consequence
doesn't smother the Nuce Guy's listening instinct.
a Nice Guy trumps anyrhing; makes storybook
This crammed mass shove toeards certified Jerk status produces what is this suppose to read?
recieves a card and an open ear. The
family who are ubfortunatly down on their luck, no longer recieves an anonymous spelling
Thr coworker spelling
already hemorgging common kindness spelling and word usage. That word means to gush, overflow. is that the word you want to use in this context?
and compassion, and their immasureable charisma
The greatest trajedy is a risk never taken spelling
Note: when you are done and have saved your work, go to the VIEW and in the black section at the top you will find edit/wordcount/spell/delete and others. This isn't the greatest version of spell check as it thinks everything is wrong, but you can catch some of the big mistakes.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
386
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Review of Simple Pleasures  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a wonderful story! It moved at a nice slow pace, giving information and showing the reader the character and his feelings. We were seeing through his eyes. What represented his limitations was who he had become. Then in an instant he found something that gave his life a new meaning. In my mind I can see him, each day remembering something and making it his goal to accomplish it.
Note: I am laughing as my mind is fast forwarding to this old gentlemen in the police station. The Sargeant is asking him what was he thinking lighting that bag of dog poop on your neighbors porch, then go home and sit on your steps. He answers, "in my younger days you would have never caught me I could run."
387
387
Review of The Decision  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
First line, add cell so it reads, Nikki rolled the cellphone. I was thinking a cordless after I ran through all the phones I know that can be "rolled" I am old and that is a lot of phones to sift through. *Smile*
She stood up from the couch and paced the champagne colored carpet. you already said she threw the phone on the couch.
and I probably always will, don't say that, it just invites him to worm his way back in because it is a weak point and she is letting him know it.

I love the action. The words tell us her emothin and interanl conflict. Great job!!
388
388
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I hope you submit this somewhere for publication. it is a wonderful story and needs to be shared!!!
There are a few places in the beginning and middle where the backstory slows the pace too much. The first read I skimmed and the back story did not detract from the plot line. 2nd read, filled in the back story but the detail was just an addtion of intest. I think his back story should be part of the immediate story.
I would like to see this as not him telling the story, but unfold the story as it happens from beginning (being found as an orphan)to end.(his death)
You have a small novella here that would be a sure hit. It would be on the shelves next to the guy who wrote aobut the wicked witch and those other stories.
I know this wil be a sure seller. It would be one on my book shelf for sure.
It need an award as far as I am concerned and I don't know how a story get them, but this is top notch.
Excellent story
389
389
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was a very cute way of telling a writer exactily what it takes. It may sound so simple, but it isn't. What makes a writer place their thoughts on paper (or computer)? It is the same thing that makes those awful singers show up on American Idol and claim that everyone thinks they sing wonderful. LIES! Always be honest with your friends even when they don't want to hear it. If they value your friendship, your honesty will save them from the heartache of rejection slips and the humiliation of being on national TV as a joke.
If you can intrigue your readership, make them "feel" then your work will sell. I just hope someday I will get to that point.
390
390
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To have a good Christmas

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? Times were tough and she belived that good works were rewarded in heaven and sometimes on earth

*Balloon5* What conficts or situation are trying to prevent reaching the goal? Her father had a temper (must not have been a christian man) and the economy

*Balloon4* Resolution Somthing happened to the storekeeper and he was killed in the act of delievering presents. They did arrive.

*Gift2* What I liked about the story There is good in people and a good heart is its own reward. I like good endings.

*Gift2* What I didn't like about the story There were alot of characters introduced that had nothing to do with the story. I think there should have been just Christine and her family situation. Her job at the store discribe in a little more detail. SHOW the wife's attitude with actions and reactions to the customers. If she was so tight why did she let Christine work there part time? Then there was no resolution to the death of Ray. Why did he have to die in the story? If he were doing this in secret in the first place what did his death accomplish? just curious.
391
391
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? To beat the cancer in his body

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? to live to see his grandson and be with his new extended family

*Balloon5* What conficts or situation are trying to prevent reaching the goal? Cancer was trying to shorten his life

*Balloon4* Resolution Mark chose to use his will to live and alternative methods to fight the cancer. His began to live his life and not just exsist in it

*Gift2* What I liked about the story It was positive and heart warming. As I am facing losing my father (81 yrs) I have a different outlook on life. While I love my life and his, I see that there are different goals for different people. These choices are what make up the diversity of this world.

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Review of Bumble Boy  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! that was a powerful story! The psychological depth of the family was revealed in the daily interaction. Normal parents failing as some parents do. You could see the background of the parents just as you did the boys. The desire to excel and to be accepted was evident. Jonathan's feelings of inadiquacy and yet his love for his family. He loved his brother but at times hated him and was fearful of him. Bobby's closeness to his father and the conradarie that left jonathan out divided the three. Mother's fear of rejection and retribution from the father had her fearful of upsetting the statis quo. Then the ultimate fear rose and overcame Bobby causing the worst thing to happen. This is the classic Cain and Able story.
You have done a wonderful job on this story. I hope you submit it to some magazines for review.
393
393
Review of The Accident  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well written with good dialogue. There were a few times that I didn't figure out who the speaker was. Especially at the accident. I think you did a great job in discribing the events and the result. You used good action words and the Trucker's visit almost had me shedding a tear.
Great Job!
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394
Review of Trial  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow! a great story with a great ending. You did a wonderful job guiding the reader through the court case and keeping the interest height! I can see why you got honorable mention. In my books you should have won!
Great detail and plot structure. You had the goal and the motivation and the conflict all in place and your resolution was the one I was cheering for.
Great job!!
395
395
Review of Trick or Treat  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good idea I hope it works. Nothing happened and there was an anticipation of something but it is like watching the Orkin commercials. You see the big bug at the door asking to come in and you see the Orkin man there with all his stuff and the bug driving away. Okay so Orkin rids you of pests. AND I care because???
She just told him go away Good bye Adios then nothing....did he leave? did he terrorize her? No ending.
I am guessing you had a 500 count word limit and that makes ending very difficult.
I understand. I like your ideas, your plots and how you think. I just wish you would take another two steps at the ending of your stories.
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396
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a great story. Another one where I was entirely caught up in the story trying to figure the culprit. I secretly hoped I would not be disappointed and at the end it was great! You wrapped it up and with a twist that had me shaking my head. What a concept. You did an awesome job of setting the stage, drawing the reader away from any conclusion yet you had only two main characters so that left the victim and the purpatrator to be one of each. You had no other possiblilites in the story except a supposed bunch of kids we never saw. What a great ending. We felt sorry all around for everyone involved.
397
397
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very well written and a sad account. I am glad you came to terms with the abuse of your early life and was able to move on. I am sorry about the things that affected your personal life during this time and about the rape in school. I hope that you are able to tell your children that they are not accountable for the actions of others. You have shown this in your writing.
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398
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (5.0)
How short! I wanted more! Someday soon I will be taking the same journey ( I think) with my mother. I wanted to know what she said about you. I wanted to know how you handled siting there wirh her. I have seen The Notebook and have decided that while my mother has her faclities I am going to write her memories down. Your brief tale show me how important that is. I hope you came to terms with her ailment. You took me to the place and I followed you to the room and saw her there waiting. I felt your pain and sorrow.
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Review of Lovely Dementia  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
How wonderful
I was introduced to a woman who was loved and loved those around her. I felt bad that she had to care for an alcoholic husband and was a little confused when you made the comment that he didn't drink as they traveled. When did he become an abusive alcoholic?
Did they travel for his work? or was it pleasure? most times for businsess alcohol is served at every meal.
She seemed to love life and life loved her. The care and affection you give shows your love for her. I hope this account will keep her close in your heart.
I like your description of the room and him shivering under the trinkets. They were kind yet telling words of reality.
Thank you for that insight into the life of someone very dear to you
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Review of The Door  
Review by Quick-Quill
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Heart* Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion. *Reading*

*Flower4* What is the goal of the main Character? The boys were just spending the summer at Gram's. They heard unexplained music coming from the bedroom next to theirs.

*Gift1* What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? curiosity of the unknown, what was making the music?

*Balloon5* What conficts or situation are trying to prevent reaching the goal?The door was locked and the key hole only allowed limited visual of the room

You were trying to make the story scary or mysterious. I don't know if you had a word count limit, but you need to go into more detail. I would forget the cave reference as that really has nothing to do with the story. Tell more detail about the boys feelings, reactions and thoughts about the music. In the dark things seem more scary than in the day. Why didn't they just get the key the first time? Did the boy just discover it? Did they feel anything when they were in the room? You need to add these reactions to draw the reader into the story. I felt like I was an observer. I wasn't scared, intrigued, or curious. When I was done it was a "nice story." Is that what you want?

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