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1,142 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return. Rising star award
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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Review of Crushed Petals  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Ken! I'm back for another review. Thank you for your submission to the Rebel Poetry Contest.

This was a lovely poem. It shows the ignorance most of us face during youth. Unfortunately, we sometimes have to learn the difference between real love and manipulations the hard way.

I loved the title of this poem! It is so symbolic and matches the poem so well. Typically when we think of rose petals, we think of that sweet aroma. Although, like love, when crushed, it is bittersweet. Excellent analogy!

Your repeated lines flow effortlessly into the poem. Sometimes repeated lines can be tricky and end up sounding forced. Yours do not, which shows your poetic skill.

The only issue I found is you seem to have forgotten the end punctuation in the last line. Although, that is an easy fix.


Thank you for your continued support of the contest. I look forward to your next submission. *Heart*

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Review of Screens  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Jeff! I'm here to review your poem "Screens, which was submitted to the July/August round in the "Rebel Poetry Contest.


The title is catchy! It matches the theme of the poem, too. Then when I looked at the poem, the form matched the shape of the image, which is visually appealing.

I don't know if you did it on purpose, but within lines three to five there are similarities among the words. Each word in the third line begins with "en". You use assonance in the fourth line with the repeated "o" sound. Then you use assonance again in the fifth line with the repeated "a" sound.

I like how your words begin pretty harmless with screens being "hypnotic" and "bright", then the words descend to a stronger view of showing the dangers encountered through the manipulations on the television.

Overall, great little poem and good use of the prompt. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Thank you for your support of the "Rebel Poetry Contest with your continued entries. I always enjoy your submissions. *Bigsmile*

That pesky raccoon has challenged me to review a fellow challenger in the hunt. I've decided to review all participants who enter my contests now, so why not hit two birds with one stone. *Bigsmile*

I got a belly laugh at your take on the prompt. When we get to the medications, I just about spit my coffee out onto my computer screen. Even reading it again, I can't help but laugh. You have a gift for comedy.

The imagery you show of the disturbed woman with an imagined partner is a unique take on this prompt. I love that it fits, but is something I totally didn't expect to read in reference to the Bjork video. Although, I should have expected it. She does display disturbed individuals in the video. *Bigsmile*

I could not find any fault with your poem. It was an excellently written verse, with no areas for me to fumble over. The rhyme scheme was creative, too!

Hopefully, you will continue to enter. I always enjoy your submissions. *Heart*

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Review of Who Do Voodoo?  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Angus! I'm here to review as part of the 24-hour review raid. I found this while looking through your 2018 folder. I figured I might find something I haven't read yet there since I seem to have already read a lot of your older works. I'm glad I chose this one. It was a fun read.

The hook
That first stand-alone line grabs the reader's attention. Then we find out she is actually back home, yet the drums are invading. It made me wonder why they are still bothering her and suspect the possibility of some supernatural reasoning.

Dialogue
The only dialogue included is internal thought. It works though, especially since both scenes include people by themselves. The fact that "Amado" lost his reservations, suggests he might be cheap. It does seem like a lie someone would use as an excuse for getting a cheaper hotel. I suspect Ginder realizes this, which is why her affections swayed away from him.

Character Development
Ginder really underestimates those around her. This is apparent in her thinking Amado didn't notice her buying the souvenir. Of course, Amado is much smarter than she thinks.

Scenery
The scenery is pretty basic. The little bit that is there is added to the actions of the story. This works. Too much more might have distracted from the plot.

Plot
The twist at the end was quite shocking. When she experiments with the doll, I was expecting something to happen, but not what ended up happening. Well, I don't want to give the plot away for someone who reads this review and decides to read the story, so I will just say the plot is excellent.

Mechanics
I didn't find any issues to bring to your attention. It is a well edited story.

Final thoughts

I enjoyed the story. Obviously, as you know, I am a little warped, but I had a chuckle at the ending. It was quite a brillient summary.

Thank you for sharing your twisted imagination with me! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Lifelessons! I'm here to visit as part of the 24-hour review raid. This poem was highlighted in your port, so I figured it was one of the items you'd like others to read first.

First thoughts
After the first read, I remembered the "me without you" prompt in the Whispers of the Soul Poetry contest. That particular month, I was stumped and chose not to enter. You, on the other hand, seemed to find your muse and create a wonderfully emotive poem from the prompt. The poem was sad, but the situation is one that many can relate to.

Imagery
The imagery is of a woman who has lost her husband, not through death, but through him leaving. There is evidence that they were young when they married with the second stanza. It is as if she is reflecting, remembering those young expectations, which were eventually not met.

Emotive qualities
This woman's pain is strongly felt, especially when we get to the third stanza. You express that her tears wake her in her sleep. Then she wakes from that restless sleep, haunted by his memory. Once we find out he cheated, as the reader my heart breaks for this woman. Evidence shows her love for her husband, but she has been betrayed as well as lost him.

Flow
The poem flows excellently. The rhymes flow so effortlessly that on the first read, I didn't even notice it was a rhyming poem. There were no areas for me to trip over.

Final thoughts
Overall, this was a wonderfully written verse. It is one who most newly divorced women can identify with. It marks that moment when the pain is still lingering and we feel lost, not knowing how we are going to function on our own.

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Maryann! I'm here for the 24-hour review raid. I chose this at random from your The Best of My Portfolio folder. I can see why you included this poem as one of your better works. It is a great little poem.

First thoughts
On the first read through, I thought this was a beautiful poem. There is some beautiful imagery, showing the night sky to the reader.

Imagery
The first stanza brings magical thoughts to mind. Those stars "dance", "twinkle", and flutter. It is almost as if they are alive in their display in the night sky. Great personification there!

I love how you describe the galaxy's "Milky Way" reference as a "splash of wonder" and "majestic spray". Honestly, I never considered why they would call the galaxy "milky", but your imagery helps me to understand why. Those stars do shine white against the black sky, giving a sprayed appearance.

Emotive qualities
The emotions expressed in the poem are that of wonder and appreciation. I imagined being a spectator, staring up at this display.

Flow
Honestly, the poem flowed so well, I didn't ever notice the rhyme until the second read through. Your words flow effortlessly, without any forced areas.

Mechanics
Mechanically, this is well written. You chose not to use grammar, which works.

Final thoughts
This was an excellent read. Thanks for sharing your creativity with me. *Heart*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Unchained Melody  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I found this poem via a search for items in the Psychology genre and am reviewing it as part of the challenge in "Mental Health Writers Alliance. This was a wonderful find and I am not surprised it placed in the slam.


First thoughts

After my first read, I felt this was an excellent poem. I love the story it tells and the emotive qualities built up in each stanza.

Imagery
There are some great lines of allegory in this poem. Below are a few of my favorite lines.

"Caged and shackled in her social milieu"- The reference to cultural shackles here brings to mind how cultural norms can be so destructive, binding us.

"Sowing wild seeds in turbulent winds"
- The son's disruptive qualities are displayed well here. I get a sense that he has strayed from his mother, choosing adventure and chaos over family.

Emotive qualities
This poem tells a sad story, but there is also a lesson to learn and some inspiration. This young woman had conformed to the cultural thought of a male child being the best, especially when one can only have one child. She resents that she has delivered a female, seeing her daughter's life as a "curse".

I love how you conclude this, showing how what she thought was a curse, was actually a blessing. The last line with the little girl on her lap is one which I'm sure many have shed a tear over after reading.

Flow
The poem flows really well. There were random rhymes throughout which gave an interesting flow to the poem.

Mechanics
I didn't find any issues to trip over. It is a well written poem.

Final thoughts
This was a wonderful read. It makes a point about how harmful some cultural norms can be, but also has a spiritual feel toward the end, with the inspiration and love shown. Overall great poem. Thank you for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Peace of Mind  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I ran across this verse while browsing the random read and reviews. So, I figured I would share my thoughts on it.

First thoughts
At first, when I began reading, I wondered why one would sweet and have a racing heart in moments of peace. Then as I read on, I realized it was the release during the exertion that brought peace. I thought it was a unique and great use of the prompt.

Imagery
In the beginning, I thought you were referring to a boxing ring. Then once I read the sixth stanza, I realized it might be martial arts because of the reference to a "stick".

I love how you compare standing up to your opponent to standing up to your fears. Instead of running from them, you face them in the ring.

Emotive qualities
I could feel the adrenaline running through your veins with imagery like "sweaty brow" and "racing heart". When I read stanza four and five, I could feel the intensity as if time stood still, the outside world void, except for visualizing the opponent.

Flow
Due to consistent rhyme, the poem flows well. No rhymes feel forced, so there are no areas where I stumble while reading the poem out loud.

Mechanics
The poem is well edited, so I did not find any issues with grammar, spelling, or punctuation.

Final thoughts
This was a wonderfully crafted poem. I enjoyed the read. Good luck in the contest. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Fairy's Hovel  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Today's raid focus is on children's and young adult stories. This particular story I found on the suggested read list on the raid page. While browsing titles and descriptions, this one caught my interest.

The hook
Nice imagery in the beginning! I could see the sun setting. Although, the real hook is when we are shown Jessica impatiently waiting for something. It does well in piquing the reader's interest.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed really well. I could see the difference between the two character's personality through their individual dialogue. The dialogue does well in carrying the plot. Also, you don't use too many dialogue tags. Instead, there is plenty of body language. For example, you show us Jessica's irritation at the reporter and then show it in her speech.

Character Development
Jessica is dimensional. She's impatient, which shows her excitement. Then that impatience transforms into annoyance when the reporter starts questioning her.

Scenery
There are some great scenery descriptions here without too many long, drawn out areas. I like the way you describe the comforts of the fairy house. It had that tiny feel with having to curl feet up on the couch, but at the same time seemed comfy with the soft pillows.

Plot
I thought it was cute when Jessica kept using "yezz" for "yes". Then when I found out why I had a little giggle. This would be a fun read for any child. I know my children would have loved it when they were young.

Final thoughts

I enjoyed this fun little story! It was shown in a way which would be easy for a child to understand, with humor they could appreciate. Although, they might start collecting flies in jars if it is read to them. *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Today's raid focus is on children's and young adult stories. I chose this one because it was on the bottom of the raid suggestion list. I figured most people would start from the top of the list, leaving the last ones less likely to be reviewed. *Bigsmile*

I'm glad I did! This was a fun little story. It is definitely one I would have enjoyed reading to my children when they were small.

The hook
We are taken into the magical realm of fairies. As a parent, I could see my children (when they were little ones) being interested in reading this story by that first sentence. Then when we are introduced to pouty Sue, we are shown a character who is relatable to a young person.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well. It matches the characters personality. Sue's repetitiveness of "Let's go" shows her want in rushing through things with impatient speech.

Character Development
I love these character's you have created! The character's show different aspects of emotion in a way children can understand. We've all been impatient and pessimistic Sue at one time or another.

Scenery
The scenery is displayed just enough to show the story. Due to this being a children's story, I would think you would more so want to avoid long drawn out scene descriptions. I would imagine, more details would be shown in the images drawn up for each page.

Plot
When my children were younger, I preferred reading them books that taught life lessons or morals in fun ways. The lesson here is an excellent one. It is a concept that is hard for young ones to understand easily, but the way you display it seems so simple to understand. I simply love the way you show Sue's emotional transformation.

Mechanics
From my understanding, children's literature should not contain too many complex words. It should be written in a way to where children can learn to read it themselves at an early age. I believe you accomplished this. All the words used are commonly used, which would make this something a child could easily grasp.

Final thoughts
Overall, this was an excellent little children's story! I'd love to see it in print with pretty pictures to go along with it.

Thank you for sharing your writing! I enjoyed this magical little read. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of If I Could Choose  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I found your verse while browsing the random read and reviews. You tend to review me a lot, so figured I would stop and read and review one of yours. I'm glad I did because it was a wonderful little read.

The description and the title grabbed my attention. Using the five senses with family could take various perceptions, depending on whether experiences growing up were positive or negative. Although, the title suggests a positive representation because it is will display how you would have chosen it to be. This also means that these are just what you would have preferred and it is sort of sad that it is a wish, not a reality.

These senses are beautifully displayed in what most would consider a stereotypically happy family. You have the smells of holiday feasts, the feel of love, and laughter through play.

An overall excellent poem, Neva. Thank you for sharing. *Heart*
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Review of Escapism  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I came across this little story. So, I figured I would give it a read. I'm glad I did because it was an entertaining read. It was an intriguing take on the prompt! Very creative!

The hook
The story begins with some beautiful imagery. I could see those beams of sunlight reflecting Jewel-like on the snow. Rather than just being told it was cold and Winter, we see the season.

The real hook is when we get to the second paragraph and we know he's had a foreboding dream, which hints at its importance. It piqued my curiosity enough to want to read on.

Dialogue
The dialogue is handled like a pro. As the reader I see these characters coming alive through their dialogue. I see that satisfied posture when Rolf announces "there" signifying that he has lit the fire. Then I see these crude bird-like beings approaching him with a knife as they speak.

Character Development
Rolf apparently is a nice guy if we go by the dreams he experiences. His internal thoughts show he is kind spirited. This is especially obvious when he looks at his wife and instantly thinks about how beautiful she is.

These beings are sort of disturbing, but yet are funny in a B horror sort of way. It is sort of hard to take a birdman seriously, yet they are doing some disturbing things to the man. I happen to be a fan of B horror, so this is a compliment. *Smile*

Scenery
There is a ton of imagery thrown into the actions of the story. At first, we get primitive, yet sweet imagery with the cave when it is just him and his wife. Then later in the story, the cave images match the disturbing reality. These contrasts are symbolic.

Plot
I think it was quite brilliant to make positive dreams a weapon. It almost seems like a metaphor for modern life. There will always be those who are more primitive in their development who can't handle the fact that others dream.

Final thoughts
Overall great story! I'm glad that I stopped by to be entertained by your imagination. Thank you for sharing your writing.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I came across this while clicking through the random read and reviews, so thought I'd give it a read. I am glad I did. It is a lovely little poem.

What a beautiful tribute to your mother's sacrifice. As a fellow mother, I can say, I'm sure she didn't mind going without for you to have. It is what us mothers do.

What I love about this free verse is that it not only shows a glimpse of your mother's beautiful spirit but at yours as well. She danced and rejoices in music, finding happiness in her struggles. The fact that as her child you embrace the same type of uninhibited joy through music and dance in her memory and realize her sacrifice says a lot about your character.

Overall, this was a wonderful little free verse. Thank you for sharing. *Heart*
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Review of Mirror  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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One of the challenges in "Mental Health Writers Alliance this week is to review a member who is not active this month in the group. So, tag, you are it. *Bigsmile*

I've probably seen every Doctor Who episode due to my son. He's a huge fan. So, I was intrigued when I found out this was a Doctor Who fanfiction.

The hook
The story begins typically of how an episode of the show would begin. They exit the Tardis to an unknown time and place. The machine does seem to have a mind of its own, which is part of the magic of it.

We soon find out that the characters are looking different. The Doctor's hair is combed opposite, which gives reason to believe there is something off about the place.

Dialogue
The dialogue is realistic to the characters on the show. The Doctor talks in circles when telling his partner that she looks different, which is how he does speak at times.

It was smart to add the Dalek words in all capital letters. It appears computer like, which mimics their speech in the show. Since they are robots it would have been too tricky to actually add body language to signify who was speaking.

Character Development
Of course, being a Doctor Who story, it makes sense that there should be Daleks. Those pesky little things are quite bothersome. They are portrayed as I would expect and are intent on destroying Earth.

The Doctor is shown with the personality of the one on the show. He often gets distracted by whatever he is doing, not answering his companion. This trait is shown when his partner speaks and he doesn't respond due to messing with the controls.

Scenery
The scenery was executed well. The Tardis is described accurately and we know they step outside in a mirror dimension because everything is reversed. There really isn't many other descriptions because the Tardis is surrounded by darkness.

Plot
The plot was interesting! I'm surprised I haven't seen an episode like this on the show. It would make for a good one. I don't want to give the plot away for the future reader who reads this review, so I'll just say that I thought the ending was really good. That last line has the dry humor of the Doctor.

Mechanics
There were a few things I noticed, mostly because they are mistakes I make in my own writing. I often use the word was or that. Typically this means I need to tighten up my writing and/or use stronger verbs. The use of "was" is usually more passive and often the word "that" can be deleted from the sentence altogether.


Looking back, the TARDIS was still there, but beyond it, she started to make out something, many somethings.- Try this maybe: She looked back toward the TARDIS and squinted her eyes to hone in on the movement beyond it.

Clara was pulling(pulled) him around the TARDIS and toward the door.

Who would have tipped a future me off to put the Dalek's into something that a prior me had destroyed?"

The Doctor looked at the controls in the middle or(of) the room.

"You mean an(a) prior us."

Outside, large cracks were forming all over. The Daleks themselves were cracking(cracked) with the rest of the reality around the TARDIS.- The first sentence here is not needed because the second sentence says the same thing.

police box stood in silence, dead silence, and surrounded by darkness.

Final thoughts
I thought this was a great tribute to a wonderful and popular show. It was an enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of In the Lou  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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I ran across this on the random read and reviews and thought I'd share my thoughts on it. I'm glad I did because it was an enjoyable read.


The hook

That opening line is a great way to use weather to set the mood. Using whether descriptions could easily bore the reader right away, but you did so by using it as a two-sided imagery. We see the rain clouds, but the mood is also set. For me this worked great as a hook. Then once I got to the explanation of those leaving the theater, the imagery of the extreme opposites among characters piqued my interest in reading on.

Soon only the crumbs were left. Those too cheap or too poor for the taxi ride home. - Equating these poorer people to crumbs is a great analogy and I think these lines are important in setting the scene because of you are showing the different classes of people leaving the building. Although, the second sentence here is a sentence fragment. Maybe consider reworking these two sentences together instead of making one sentence a fragment.

Dialogue
The dialogue was handled well. The slang displayed in the showing of the story matches the slang in the dialogue, which reiterates the fifties feel. Then you add plenty of body language rather than the overuse of "said" "replied" etc. The result is that I really see these characters speaking through their actions that follow the words.

Character Development
Your descriptions of Ruby Longo are vivid. Imagined her with a 1950's sort of glamour. We even get a sense of smell and taste with her because of the narrator's descriptions of her lingering perfume and sweet taste of her lips.

Like those the narrator observes around Ruby, he also seems to have an infatuation. His personality is shown through his perceptions of those around him. He seems the world as dark and ominous. When we get to the end, we understand why he does.

Scenery
I love the imagery you use in this story. You use the scenery to show the emotions of those around.

Fat drops of rain began to pepper the sidewalk, the low rumble of thunder like the cities angry growl.- Reading this line I saw people walking around, rushed, and unhappy, while the sky mimicked their mood. Then the lines that follow are symbolic to the narrator's opinions of those in the city and the city in general. The rain will clean some things, but some filth is permanent. Excellent showing here!

Without telling us a time period, it is easy to equate that the story takes place 1950ish due to the language of the narrator. Also, it sort of plays out like one of those black and white detective movies.

Plot
Just in case someone reads this review and chooses to read it, I don't want to give the plot away. So, I will just say, for such a short story, you were able to get some good twists in the story. Once I got to the end, I was surprised by the conclusion.

Mechanics
There were a few errors, but nothing too hard to fix.

yellow cabs swallowed up the the lines of cheap, double breasted suits

double breasted- double-breasted

From feathered hat down to her kitten heal(heel)


Sparkling in the street lights(streetlights)like the diamond on on her finger

side walk- sidewalk

Final thoughts
This is one of those great stories with that nostalgic fifties feel. I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing your writing with WdC!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hi Neva! Yet again, while browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across one of your flash fiction pieces. This was a cute little read. I think I remember reading the prompt in a contest somewhere. If I'm not mistaken it was the Bard's Hall.

The hook
The story begins with dialogue. This is a good start, as it is apparent that there is some drama occurring. Only, it would help the reader to know who is speaking. We don't find out that it is the aunt until a few paragraphs down.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well. I get a sense of the family dynamics through the dialogue. They are a crazy bunch, which is evident in the fact that the year before someone actually got bitten by getting between food.

Both characters do what many do when they are being demanded or speaking angry, they use full names. It almost gives the dialogue a sarcastic feel, which is fitting to the tone of their words.

Character Development
Character development is executed well for such a short story. We really get a sense of the aunt's aversion to killing that turkey and to hosting a family dinner. Personally, I don't blame her for choosing to react this way because your descriptions of the family are not all that appealing. From the aunt's point of view, they do seem awfully ungrateful and well, sorta selfish if they are just grabbing at stuff to the point of hurting someone to get to the food.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery or timeline set. One would think it would be out in the country due to the fact that they kill their own Thanksgiving turkey.

Plot
The plot is cute. It was a good use of the prompt of getting out of cooking dinner. I suppose threatening a vegan feast would be a great way to get out of it when they have a family like they suggest.

Mechanics
I found a few issues that need attention, but they are easy fixes.

George didn't bit(bite) Granny on purpose.

"Patricia, you can all so(also) dress and cook that bird

Final thoughts
This was a cute little story with some comedic elements. I had to giggle at the family member being bitten and having to be tested for rabies. Nice touch.

Thank you for sharing. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*




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Review of The Star Pillar  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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The hook

The first paragraph in this story introduces a mystical element. We know it is historical, hence the riding a horse to get to the temple. Then there is a mystical element with the moon temple. We also know that she is there for some reason having to do with her grandmother. I was intrigued after reading the intro and wanted to read on to know more.

Dialogue
Dialogue is realistic to both of these characters. You also add plenty of body language to go along with their words, rather than the redundant "said". This shows the characters, hence we are not only reading their words, but we are seeing them say them with body language and facial expressions. Well done.

Character Development
Through chosen speech, we get a sense that this priestess is stern because she frowns while asking Gena why she came there. Then she softens with a smile, acknowledging that Gena has chosen to stay.

Gena apparently loved her grandmother very much, which is evident in her traveling to bring the ashes where her grandmother would want them. Then again, going there apparently was in her benefit because the alternative equated to an arranged marriage that she wanted no part of.

You utilized the word count by adding physical details of characters to the actions of the story. For example, Gena looks into the priestess' blue eyes. I like how you utilized the color orange for the priestess' robe. Since this is a moon temple and she has platinum hair, a nice Autumn orange would be fitting since Autumn represents the Crone in Pagan thought.

Scenery
Due to the mystical feel to this story, it is easy to imagine a time past where Goddess temples were more prominent.

Plot
The plot was magical from a feminine aspect. With such a short word count limit, I felt that you were able to get a lot of detail in and even a nice little twist. Towards the end, I was a little taken back when she was taken to the ruins of a temple, though. Ruins typically represent going somewhere from the past for which is deteriorating. Still, there was a magical quality present with the rainbow pilar and her seeing her grandmother in spirit.

Mechanics
I only found one small error.
"Hold the urn in your left hand," the priestess backed away from the pillar- There needs to be a period after hand and "the" should be capitalized.

Other than that, from my perception, this is error free.

Final thoughts
This was an intriguing little story and I personally feel you utilized the prompt words well. I'm assuming the bolded words are the prompt words for a flash fiction contest.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read.


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Review of Expressions  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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I found this little story via the random read and review on the left of my computer screen. It was a cute little story, showing how expressions are changed, causing confusion between youth and the elderly.

The hook
The first line with the grandfather, tells me that he is possibly going to help someone with a science experience. Right away, I am thinking that this is going to be a family story, possibly with some wisdom involved. For some reason, I always equate such story beginnings with wisdom, possibly because of my personal views when it comes to those who have lived long lives.

Dialogue
The dialogue was done fairly well. The actual words spoken by each seem realistic. Although, I am unsure about the young man's age and the speech is a little confusing when trying to evaluate the age in that way. Going by the type of experiment he is conducting, I'd say he is in upper elementary school or lower Junior high. Yet, in the dialogue he miss says some things that would happen with someone much younger. Then in other areas, he seems mature.

"But my first try doesn’t(didn't) work"

“Just then Jimmy’s sister, Susan, came in. How’s the invention coming?”
- You seem to have put the quotation marks in the wrong place here.

Character Development

Little things like "Gramps thought about it" tell the reader that this story is from the grandfather's point of view. Through his observation, there are some facial clues that show the emotions of those around him. One example being when Susan "squinted her eyes." Although, the grandson is the main character throughout most of the story and there is very little body language shown for him. Maybe consider adding some.

Like I mentioned in the dialogue, there needs to be some clarity on the boy's age. Also, since this is about expressions, adding some slang in the boy's words that confuse the grandfather could help build the boy's character and help will understand details like the boy's age.

There are areas where you can show rather than tell. Below is an example of one area to show you what I mean, but I'd suggest giving this story another read through, showing in other places as well.

Jimmy said, excited again
- For one, we know Jimmy said something due to the dialogue, so we don't need to be told that. Then to show that it is Jimmy who spoke, actions showing his excitement will clarify who actually spoke. Depending on personality, people react to excitement differently, so rather than tell us he is excited, show us. For example, he could display a smile showing all his teeth and his eyes widen. Maybe his personality is more animated and excitement is shown through clapping or jumping up and down.

Here is another area for which is an example of where details could be added to show the story rather than using said.

“So, Invention Convention huh,” Grampa said to Jimmy, “so what are you trying to invent?”

Here is a suggestion, but remember, if you want gramps to have a different personality or appearance, choose something else. This is just an example to help you understand what I mean.

"So, Invention convention, huh?" Gramps adjusted his spectacles and smiled showing his gums. "So, what are you trying to invent?"


Scenery
There really isn't any scenery, but since this is a flash fiction, I'm thinking it has to do with the limited word count allowed for whichever contest this was submitted to. If you choose to expand this, some details with surroundings added to the actions of the story would show it in the reader's mind better.

Plot
The plot was cute. I had to giggle at the confusion between the two from the grandfather's slang. I like how you used the grandfather's slang to show how expressions change and can confuse younger generations. It is a situation for which most of us have experienced to some degree. I'm not a grandparent, yet I even have this issue with my youngest daughter.

Final thoughts
This was a cute little story showing how generations change in speech and how these aspects can cause communication issues between age gaps.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are the opinions of one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply to your writing. Hopefully, my thoughts have been helpful. At any time, if you happen to edit this, feel free to send it back to me and I will up my rating according to repairs.



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119
Review of Memories of Home  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I stumbled on this via random read and review, but I actually read this while looking through my fellow competitors in the Christmas in July Poetry Contest. I was rather impressed with this one, which is of no surprise because you are a great poet.


First thoughts

Often poetry is personal to the writer. Being a veteran seems to influence several of your poems. I'm not sure if it is a personal experience, but it does seem that the emotions you drew from were ones that you are familiar with, especially the being away from the family part.

As a reader, although I have never had to face being away from the family due being in the military, after reading this poem I was taken to the emotions of one who has. The result is that your words helped me to understand and appreciate that sacrifice more than I did before reading it. Not that I didn't already, though.

Imagery
You used the snowfall prompt in the imagery, showing it as a metaphor for memories. I appreciate how you equated the uniqueness of each snowflake with the uniqueness of each memory. He holds on to those memories, allowing them to bring him joy through the sorrow of missing the now with those he loves.

Emotive qualities
This is one that tugs at the heart strings of the reader. At the same time, it makes us grateful for their sacrifice, so that we can be safe in our homes with our own families.

Ending the poem with the Mother's words and then the soldier's prayer was a perfect choice. It ends the poem with a strong emotional pull.

Flow
There were no areas for me to trip over. It is a well-written verse. Rhyme is consistent, showing this man's story without the distraction of forced rhyme.

Final thoughts
Overall great poem. I wouldn't be surprised if you won this round in the contest. *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing your writing! I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


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120
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
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I was flipping through the random read and review when I came across this little story. So, I thought I'd share my thoughts on it.

The hook
Right away, we are introduced to the fact that someone is missing. This peaked my interest and worked as a hook.

Dialogue
Dialogue is done pretty well. You don't mention their ages, but by their chosen words, I assumed they were young. Instead of using "said" repetitively you are creative by adding the actions and body language of the characters. This helps the reader to see the story more.

Character Development

The dynamics between the two young men were executed pretty well. They both seem like strong-willed and independent young men. Apparently, one is in love with the other, while the other is fighting against it, emotionally and physically.

You added a female and another male in the story toward the beginning, but we really don't read much more about them in the plot. Since you feel it is important enough to share their emotions in the beginning, one would think they would be important to the story somehow, yet they are pretty much non-existent in the plot.

Scenery
The rain adds to the story. Since it is pouring heavily, one would think that the fighting that happens would include mud, slipping or at least something that resembles what it would be like to rumble around in the rain.

Since this includes psychic powers, I got a sense that this was some sort of magical world, yet you mention an RV. Then I had to wonder if this was all taking place in the imagination, rather than in reality.
Plot

Mechanics

There are quite a few areas where this story can be tightened up. Below are a few areas, but I suggest reading through the story and tightening it in other areas as well, clearing out unneeded words.

At first Rian thought it was just the light from the (a)street light reflecting off the rain.- If you use too many repetitive words, you take a risk of your story seeming monotonous.

With this his hands slide(slid) down to Rian's arms and to his wrists- I assumed by "with this" you meant after he spoke he did the action. The dialogue before the action makes this obvious, hence the "with this" is unneeded.

There are also some places which are missing words. Below are a few, but there are more areas.

The sweet, warm voice replied (and) his face softening as he smiled softly.- Besides just the needed "and" here, there also needs some clarity who "he" is since we are referring to two males in this segment.

He spoke loudly over the rain as took another leap
- His voice roared over the rain and he took another leap.

Final thoughts
For me, this seemed more like a rough draft. With some polishing, it could be an excellent story.

Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from only one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply to your writing. Hopefully, my thoughts have been helpful. With anything that I review, I am always happy to re-review once repairs are made, so feel free to send this back to me once you edit and I will up my rating according to repairs.




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121
Review of Lost and Found  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Power summer raid image



I ran across this via the random read and review. Since it is such a short write, this review will be pretty short, but I wanted to share my thoughts on it.

When I first began reading this, I thought that it was going to be about a homeless human. So, you did an excellent job of personalizing the animals emotions. By the ending, I felt that I was connected to the animal, understanding their emotions of neglect and wanting that human connection. Well done!

There were a few areas that I saw that mechanically need attention. Other than that the story is pretty much error free.

Tiff stopped being so afraid, it had been a very long time since he had been touched, he had forgotten people could be kind. - This is a huge run-on sentence that would read better as either two or three sentences, depending on how you decide to reword it.

Overall, this was a great little story, for which tugs on the emotions of the reader. Thank you for sharing your writing. *Heart*


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122
Review of The Crystal Heart  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Power summer raid image


Hi, James! You mentioned that you had written a few new stories, so I thought I'd browse your portfolio and find them. This was an interesting story and the concept seemed original, or at least I have never read anything similar.

The hook
You begin by introducing us to the antique dealer, who happens to be holding the most important object of this story, the crystal. The man sort of speaks in circles. He seems to be telling him that it is not real, without exactly saying it directly. For me, this worked well as a hook.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well, showing distinctions between characters. It is also realistic.

Character Development
I love how you show Carson's personality through the descriptions of the crystal and through his internal thaughts. He considers his reflection in the crystal as handsome, which shows a lot of vanity. Then he gets offended by Montrose suggesting that it might be too expensive, which shows a lot of ego. Body language, like Carson's eyes twitching at the thought of the dealer not noticing his high priced clothing and car, then assuming that the dealer was mediocre because of not noticing it, shows that he sees himself as inferior.

It almost seems that the dealer is playing into Carson's weak characteristics in order for him to buy the crystal. This is told from Carson's point of view, but the dialogue and body language of the dealer says that he is manipulating him.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery given, so a little added to the actions might help the reader see it more. We don't know much about the antique story, but details there might add to the magic of it.

When we get to Carson's house, you use details about the home to both enhance what we already know about Carson's personality and to describe the crystal more so. The multiple mirrors, further show us how vain Carson is and how the crystal will be enhanced.

Plot
The plot is my favorite aspect of this story. I don't want to give it away, but it is excellent and surprising. There are some hints in the beginning, like the warning that the item might be cursed, but even with that, we don't realize what the crystal will do until the end. That last line before the epilogue is my favorite. It is chilling.

The only suggestion I might have here is to show that epilogue, rather than tell it. In other words, take us to the morgue, having the next person get the crystal, leaving behind lingering suggestions towards the next person's fate.

Final thoughts
Overall, great story! Any little suggestions I may have given are only there to help you make a good story better.

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


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123
123
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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While browsing through the random read and reviews, I ran across this short story. So, figured I would share my thoughts on it.

The hook
The title is catching and then when we get to the first paragraph, you begin with the arrival of that visitor. This works for a hook. Although, I would suggest tweaking some of those sentences in that first paragraph. The subject begins speaking to the guest while he is stirring the tea, but the guest does not arrive until he begins to take a sip.

Dialogue
The dialogue is executed well. Each of the characters are distinct with their speech. You added some body language, which helps visualize them speaking more, rather than the constant "said".

Character Development
Death seems not to have much of a personality, but then again, one would not expect Death to be exactly lively.

The main character seems rebellious at first, but he wears down easy. Just a small conversation with Death and he comes to the realization that he's running out of his magic tea, so he might as well stop running from death. His fears of why he tries to escape death are very human and it makes him relatable.

Scenery
Until we get to the end there is no scenery. I'd suggest adding a little to the actions of the story. Maybe he sits on a particular piece of furniture or is in a particular room sipping his tea.

Plot
The plot was creative! I totally did not expect that ending and I loved how you tied in that quote about living being harder than death.

Mechanics
I didn't find any issues with grammar or spelling. Besides that first paragraph, there wasn't any areas that I tripped over.

Final thoughts
This was a fun little read. I appreciated the hidden meaning within the plot and how you tied in the science fiction elements.

Thank you for sharing your writing! I've enjoyed the read.



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124
124
Review of New moon  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I came across this little story. So, I figured I would share my thoughts on it. *Smile*


The hook

That first paragraph has a whimsical feel. It is almost poetic, with the title of the area they live in. It also sets the pace, showing that this is futuristic. For me, this works well for a hook.

Dialogue
The dialogue was executed well. Characters are built through their chosen words. I could feel their excitement in their conversations amongst each other.

Character Development
The common characteristic amongst all the characters here is excitement. Other than that, the characters really aren't all that distinct from each other. Well, that is until we meet the Domemaster. He seems more authoritarian in comparison.

Scenery

There are some creative descriptions here that I really like. When you wrote "noise began to abate, like water flowing into a drain", I could hear the noise slowing and see the transformation towards quiet excitement.

I really get a sense on how this community is built within various connecting domes. Then we have the large dome, which I assume they all connect to.

Plot
Once I got to the creative writing readings and reviews I had an "aha" moment when I realized that this was created for WdC's birthday celebration. Very clever use of the prompt!

Throughout I was curious about what the gift would be, after all, they were so excited about it. Once we get to it, you paint a beautiful image. Well done.

Mechanics


There are just a few issues that I spotted.

“Only a glimpse, through the roof in the tube. All the settlers domes were connected by tubes, enabling them to interact with each other
. - Did you mean for this to be dialogue or is the quotation mark at the beginning a mistake?

Also, I love that last line of dialogue, but you seem to be missing a quotation mark at the end of it.

Final thoughts
Overall great story. It was an enjoyable read. Very unique use of the Writer's Cramp prompt, too.

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


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125
Review of Apartment 15  
Review by warpedsanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi, Christopher. You sent me a review request and I'm just now getting around to it. This was an interesting little story.

The hook
I like how you begin by the narator telling us that he is a man of Science. It hints that there is going to be something that is going to prove him wrong in the story. So, for me, this works great as a hook.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well with realistic speech. The character's distinct with their chosen words, too. For example, Mrs. Graham repeating herself is realistic to someone who might be having a bout of dementia. Also, it is obvious that the main character is trying to be calm and professional.

You do great avoiding the redundancy of "said". For the most part, since the dialogue is via phone exchange, there is no body language. Although, you do pause to let us know that you sense a "strain in the paramedic's voice".

Character Development
Josh is built up as a young man struggling through college. The ease of the job gives him ample study time. His internal feelings with dealing with Mrs. Graham seem to be more of just wanting the situation dealt with so that he can get to school work. I think that this makes him seem more human and dimensional.

I like how you show body language with the explaining that you jumped to your feet as if you experienced "electric shock". Using these descriptions I really felt the emotional impact of his newfound realization.

Mrs. Graham is very childlike as if she can't find the more complex words to explain herself. This was realistic because it is common for the elderly to revert to such mannerisms when faced with memory issues.

Scenery
The scenery is very basic, but just enough to tell the story. We know that this is taking place at a nursing home, which is more like a retirement home with apartments.

Plot
The plot was intriguing. At first, I thought that Mrs. Graham was having issues explaining due to some mental difficulty from age. So, when we find out her real situation, it was quite shocking.

I like how you round everything out with the ending being very similar to the beginning. It gives a smooth transition. Especially after knowing the truth, it is more impactful when we are told the same thing.

Mechanics

You seem to have forgotten the end punctuation with some of the dialogue.

"Okay, you hold tight there, Mrs. Graham. I'm going to get the paramedics for you"- missing period after "you"

"Hi, Josh Meacham here. We need a medical team for Apartment 15, Mrs. Graham ASAP"- missing period or exclamation mark after "ASAP


"Don't know. She says she feels unwell but unable to give details"- missing period after "details"


Final thoughts
This was an enjoyable read. The plot was intriguing and kept my attention. Other than the few mechanical issues that I found, I think it is written pretty excellently.


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