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1,223 Public Reviews Given
1,228 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to give reviews the way I prefer to receive them. Honesty, thoughts for improvement, and identifying strengths are aspects that I prefer from others, so I give these things in return.
I'm good at...
I can pretty much review anything, whether poetry or short stories. My favorite genres to read are horror and the odder side of fiction, but I am open to reading other genres. If I do review a genre that is not one I particularly enjoy reading, then I am most likely going to review it based on the structure, rather than the content.
Favorite Genres
I tend to gravitate toward writings in the dark genres. With short stories and novels, horror is my favorite. With poetry, I prefer writings that display raw emotions. If your writing tackles a subject that people find offensive, I might like it.
Least Favorite Genres
Christian literature, Western, and Children's. I will NOT read or review anything that consists of XGC material between minors and adults or encourages abuse as acceptable behaviors.
Favorite Item Types
Dark poetry, horror, emotional, autobiographical, erotica, psychology
Least Favorite Item Types
Horror is one of my favorites to read and write. Also, poetry that tackles intense subject matter interests me.
I will not review...
I WILL NOT review anything that encourages abuse as acceptable behavior or includes XGC material between a minor and adult. All review requests asking me to read whole novels or later chapters will be rejected. The reason being is that I can not give a fair review of chapter 3 when I have not read the chapters before that and, the time allowance when requests for reviews are made does not allow for enough time to read a whole novel.
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Maryann! I'm here for the 24-hour review raid. I chose this at random from your The Best of My Portfolio folder. I can see why you included this poem as one of your better works. It is a great little poem.

First thoughts
On the first read through, I thought this was a beautiful poem. There is some beautiful imagery, showing the night sky to the reader.

Imagery
The first stanza brings magical thoughts to mind. Those stars "dance", "twinkle", and flutter. It is almost as if they are alive in their display in the night sky. Great personification there!

I love how you describe the galaxy's "Milky Way" reference as a "splash of wonder" and "majestic spray". Honestly, I never considered why they would call the galaxy "milky", but your imagery helps me to understand why. Those stars do shine white against the black sky, giving a sprayed appearance.

Emotive qualities
The emotions expressed in the poem are that of wonder and appreciation. I imagined being a spectator, staring up at this display.

Flow
Honestly, the poem flowed so well, I didn't ever notice the rhyme until the second read through. Your words flow effortlessly, without any forced areas.

Mechanics
Mechanically, this is well written. You chose not to use grammar, which works.

Final thoughts
This was an excellent read. Thanks for sharing your creativity with me. *Heart*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Fairy's Hovel  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Today's raid focus is on children's and young adult stories. This particular story I found on the suggested read list on the raid page. While browsing titles and descriptions, this one caught my interest.

The hook
Nice imagery in the beginning! I could see the sun setting. Although, the real hook is when we are shown Jessica impatiently waiting for something. It does well in piquing the reader's interest.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed really well. I could see the difference between the two character's personality through their individual dialogue. The dialogue does well in carrying the plot. Also, you don't use too many dialogue tags. Instead, there is plenty of body language. For example, you show us Jessica's irritation at the reporter and then show it in her speech.

Character Development
Jessica is dimensional. She's impatient, which shows her excitement. Then that impatience transforms into annoyance when the reporter starts questioning her.

Scenery
There are some great scenery descriptions here without too many long, drawn out areas. I like the way you describe the comforts of the fairy house. It had that tiny feel with having to curl feet up on the couch, but at the same time seemed comfy with the soft pillows.

Plot
I thought it was cute when Jessica kept using "yezz" for "yes". Then when I found out why I had a little giggle. This would be a fun read for any child. I know my children would have loved it when they were young.

Final thoughts

I enjoyed this fun little story! It was shown in a way which would be easy for a child to understand, with humor they could appreciate. Although, they might start collecting flies in jars if it is read to them. *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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103
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Today's raid focus is on children's and young adult stories. I chose this one because it was on the bottom of the raid suggestion list. I figured most people would start from the top of the list, leaving the last ones less likely to be reviewed. *Bigsmile*

I'm glad I did! This was a fun little story. It is definitely one I would have enjoyed reading to my children when they were small.

The hook
We are taken into the magical realm of fairies. As a parent, I could see my children (when they were little ones) being interested in reading this story by that first sentence. Then when we are introduced to pouty Sue, we are shown a character who is relatable to a young person.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well. It matches the characters personality. Sue's repetitiveness of "Let's go" shows her want in rushing through things with impatient speech.

Character Development
I love these character's you have created! The character's show different aspects of emotion in a way children can understand. We've all been impatient and pessimistic Sue at one time or another.

Scenery
The scenery is displayed just enough to show the story. Due to this being a children's story, I would think you would more so want to avoid long drawn out scene descriptions. I would imagine, more details would be shown in the images drawn up for each page.

Plot
When my children were younger, I preferred reading them books that taught life lessons or morals in fun ways. The lesson here is an excellent one. It is a concept that is hard for young ones to understand easily, but the way you display it seems so simple to understand. I simply love the way you show Sue's emotional transformation.

Mechanics
From my understanding, children's literature should not contain too many complex words. It should be written in a way to where children can learn to read it themselves at an early age. I believe you accomplished this. All the words used are commonly used, which would make this something a child could easily grasp.

Final thoughts
Overall, this was an excellent little children's story! I'd love to see it in print with pretty pictures to go along with it.

Thank you for sharing your writing! I enjoyed this magical little read. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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104
Review of If I Could Choose  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I found your verse while browsing the random read and reviews. You tend to review me a lot, so figured I would stop and read and review one of yours. I'm glad I did because it was a wonderful little read.

The description and the title grabbed my attention. Using the five senses with family could take various perceptions, depending on whether experiences growing up were positive or negative. Although, the title suggests a positive representation because it is will display how you would have chosen it to be. This also means that these are just what you would have preferred and it is sort of sad that it is a wish, not a reality.

These senses are beautifully displayed in what most would consider a stereotypically happy family. You have the smells of holiday feasts, the feel of love, and laughter through play.

An overall excellent poem, Neva. Thank you for sharing. *Heart*
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Review of Escapism  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I came across this little story. So, I figured I would give it a read. I'm glad I did because it was an entertaining read. It was an intriguing take on the prompt! Very creative!

The hook
The story begins with some beautiful imagery. I could see those beams of sunlight reflecting Jewel-like on the snow. Rather than just being told it was cold and Winter, we see the season.

The real hook is when we get to the second paragraph and we know he's had a foreboding dream, which hints at its importance. It piqued my curiosity enough to want to read on.

Dialogue
The dialogue is handled like a pro. As the reader I see these characters coming alive through their dialogue. I see that satisfied posture when Rolf announces "there" signifying that he has lit the fire. Then I see these crude bird-like beings approaching him with a knife as they speak.

Character Development
Rolf apparently is a nice guy if we go by the dreams he experiences. His internal thoughts show he is kind spirited. This is especially obvious when he looks at his wife and instantly thinks about how beautiful she is.

These beings are sort of disturbing, but yet are funny in a B horror sort of way. It is sort of hard to take a birdman seriously, yet they are doing some disturbing things to the man. I happen to be a fan of B horror, so this is a compliment. *Smile*

Scenery
There is a ton of imagery thrown into the actions of the story. At first, we get primitive, yet sweet imagery with the cave when it is just him and his wife. Then later in the story, the cave images match the disturbing reality. These contrasts are symbolic.

Plot
I think it was quite brilliant to make positive dreams a weapon. It almost seems like a metaphor for modern life. There will always be those who are more primitive in their development who can't handle the fact that others dream.

Final thoughts
Overall great story! I'm glad that I stopped by to be entertained by your imagination. Thank you for sharing your writing.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
106
106
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I came across this while clicking through the random read and reviews, so thought I'd give it a read. I am glad I did. It is a lovely little poem.

What a beautiful tribute to your mother's sacrifice. As a fellow mother, I can say, I'm sure she didn't mind going without for you to have. It is what us mothers do.

What I love about this free verse is that it not only shows a glimpse of your mother's beautiful spirit but at yours as well. She danced and rejoices in music, finding happiness in her struggles. The fact that as her child you embrace the same type of uninhibited joy through music and dance in her memory and realize her sacrifice says a lot about your character.

Overall, this was a wonderful little free verse. Thank you for sharing. *Heart*
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107
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Hi Neva! Yet again, while browsing the random read and reviews, I ran across one of your flash fiction pieces. This was a cute little read. I think I remember reading the prompt in a contest somewhere. If I'm not mistaken it was the Bard's Hall.

The hook
The story begins with dialogue. This is a good start, as it is apparent that there is some drama occurring. Only, it would help the reader to know who is speaking. We don't find out that it is the aunt until a few paragraphs down.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well. I get a sense of the family dynamics through the dialogue. They are a crazy bunch, which is evident in the fact that the year before someone actually got bitten by getting between food.

Both characters do what many do when they are being demanded or speaking angry, they use full names. It almost gives the dialogue a sarcastic feel, which is fitting to the tone of their words.

Character Development
Character development is executed well for such a short story. We really get a sense of the aunt's aversion to killing that turkey and to hosting a family dinner. Personally, I don't blame her for choosing to react this way because your descriptions of the family are not all that appealing. From the aunt's point of view, they do seem awfully ungrateful and well, sorta selfish if they are just grabbing at stuff to the point of hurting someone to get to the food.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery or timeline set. One would think it would be out in the country due to the fact that they kill their own Thanksgiving turkey.

Plot
The plot is cute. It was a good use of the prompt of getting out of cooking dinner. I suppose threatening a vegan feast would be a great way to get out of it when they have a family like they suggest.

Mechanics
I found a few issues that need attention, but they are easy fixes.

George didn't bit(bite) Granny on purpose.

"Patricia, you can all so(also) dress and cook that bird

Final thoughts
This was a cute little story with some comedic elements. I had to giggle at the family member being bitten and having to be tested for rabies. Nice touch.

Thank you for sharing. I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Star Pillar  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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The hook

The first paragraph in this story introduces a mystical element. We know it is historical, hence the riding a horse to get to the temple. Then there is a mystical element with the moon temple. We also know that she is there for some reason having to do with her grandmother. I was intrigued after reading the intro and wanted to read on to know more.

Dialogue
Dialogue is realistic to both of these characters. You also add plenty of body language to go along with their words, rather than the redundant "said". This shows the characters, hence we are not only reading their words, but we are seeing them say them with body language and facial expressions. Well done.

Character Development
Through chosen speech, we get a sense that this priestess is stern because she frowns while asking Gena why she came there. Then she softens with a smile, acknowledging that Gena has chosen to stay.

Gena apparently loved her grandmother very much, which is evident in her traveling to bring the ashes where her grandmother would want them. Then again, going there apparently was in her benefit because the alternative equated to an arranged marriage that she wanted no part of.

You utilized the word count by adding physical details of characters to the actions of the story. For example, Gena looks into the priestess' blue eyes. I like how you utilized the color orange for the priestess' robe. Since this is a moon temple and she has platinum hair, a nice Autumn orange would be fitting since Autumn represents the Crone in Pagan thought.

Scenery
Due to the mystical feel to this story, it is easy to imagine a time past where Goddess temples were more prominent.

Plot
The plot was magical from a feminine aspect. With such a short word count limit, I felt that you were able to get a lot of detail in and even a nice little twist. Towards the end, I was a little taken back when she was taken to the ruins of a temple, though. Ruins typically represent going somewhere from the past for which is deteriorating. Still, there was a magical quality present with the rainbow pilar and her seeing her grandmother in spirit.

Mechanics
I only found one small error.
"Hold the urn in your left hand," the priestess backed away from the pillar- There needs to be a period after hand and "the" should be capitalized.

Other than that, from my perception, this is error free.

Final thoughts
This was an intriguing little story and I personally feel you utilized the prompt words well. I'm assuming the bolded words are the prompt words for a flash fiction contest.

Thank you for sharing your writing. I've enjoyed the read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Memories of Home  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I stumbled on this via random read and review, but I actually read this while looking through my fellow competitors in the Christmas in July Poetry Contest. I was rather impressed with this one, which is of no surprise because you are a great poet.


First thoughts

Often poetry is personal to the writer. Being a veteran seems to influence several of your poems. I'm not sure if it is a personal experience, but it does seem that the emotions you drew from were ones that you are familiar with, especially the being away from the family part.

As a reader, although I have never had to face being away from the family due being in the military, after reading this poem I was taken to the emotions of one who has. The result is that your words helped me to understand and appreciate that sacrifice more than I did before reading it. Not that I didn't already, though.

Imagery
You used the snowfall prompt in the imagery, showing it as a metaphor for memories. I appreciate how you equated the uniqueness of each snowflake with the uniqueness of each memory. He holds on to those memories, allowing them to bring him joy through the sorrow of missing the now with those he loves.

Emotive qualities
This is one that tugs at the heart strings of the reader. At the same time, it makes us grateful for their sacrifice, so that we can be safe in our homes with our own families.

Ending the poem with the Mother's words and then the soldier's prayer was a perfect choice. It ends the poem with a strong emotional pull.

Flow
There were no areas for me to trip over. It is a well-written verse. Rhyme is consistent, showing this man's story without the distraction of forced rhyme.

Final thoughts
Overall great poem. I wouldn't be surprised if you won this round in the contest. *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing your writing! I've enjoyed the read. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Lost and Found  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)

** Image ID #2163138 Unavailable **



I ran across this via the random read and review. Since it is such a short write, this review will be pretty short, but I wanted to share my thoughts on it.

When I first began reading this, I thought that it was going to be about a homeless human. So, you did an excellent job of personalizing the animals emotions. By the ending, I felt that I was connected to the animal, understanding their emotions of neglect and wanting that human connection. Well done!

There were a few areas that I saw that mechanically need attention. Other than that the story is pretty much error free.

Tiff stopped being so afraid, it had been a very long time since he had been touched, he had forgotten people could be kind. - This is a huge run-on sentence that would read better as either two or three sentences, depending on how you decide to reword it.

Overall, this was a great little story, for which tugs on the emotions of the reader. Thank you for sharing your writing. *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Crystal Heart  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

** Image ID #2163138 Unavailable **


Hi, James! You mentioned that you had written a few new stories, so I thought I'd browse your portfolio and find them. This was an interesting story and the concept seemed original, or at least I have never read anything similar.

The hook
You begin by introducing us to the antique dealer, who happens to be holding the most important object of this story, the crystal. The man sort of speaks in circles. He seems to be telling him that it is not real, without exactly saying it directly. For me, this worked well as a hook.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well, showing distinctions between characters. It is also realistic.

Character Development
I love how you show Carson's personality through the descriptions of the crystal and through his internal thaughts. He considers his reflection in the crystal as handsome, which shows a lot of vanity. Then he gets offended by Montrose suggesting that it might be too expensive, which shows a lot of ego. Body language, like Carson's eyes twitching at the thought of the dealer not noticing his high priced clothing and car, then assuming that the dealer was mediocre because of not noticing it, shows that he sees himself as inferior.

It almost seems that the dealer is playing into Carson's weak characteristics in order for him to buy the crystal. This is told from Carson's point of view, but the dialogue and body language of the dealer says that he is manipulating him.

Scenery
There really isn't much scenery given, so a little added to the actions might help the reader see it more. We don't know much about the antique story, but details there might add to the magic of it.

When we get to Carson's house, you use details about the home to both enhance what we already know about Carson's personality and to describe the crystal more so. The multiple mirrors, further show us how vain Carson is and how the crystal will be enhanced.

Plot
The plot is my favorite aspect of this story. I don't want to give it away, but it is excellent and surprising. There are some hints in the beginning, like the warning that the item might be cursed, but even with that, we don't realize what the crystal will do until the end. That last line before the epilogue is my favorite. It is chilling.

The only suggestion I might have here is to show that epilogue, rather than tell it. In other words, take us to the morgue, having the next person get the crystal, leaving behind lingering suggestions towards the next person's fate.

Final thoughts
Overall, great story! Any little suggestions I may have given are only there to help you make a good story better.

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
112
112
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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While browsing through the random read and reviews, I ran across this short story. So, figured I would share my thoughts on it.

The hook
The title is catching and then when we get to the first paragraph, you begin with the arrival of that visitor. This works for a hook. Although, I would suggest tweaking some of those sentences in that first paragraph. The subject begins speaking to the guest while he is stirring the tea, but the guest does not arrive until he begins to take a sip.

Dialogue
The dialogue is executed well. Each of the characters are distinct with their speech. You added some body language, which helps visualize them speaking more, rather than the constant "said".

Character Development
Death seems not to have much of a personality, but then again, one would not expect Death to be exactly lively.

The main character seems rebellious at first, but he wears down easy. Just a small conversation with Death and he comes to the realization that he's running out of his magic tea, so he might as well stop running from death. His fears of why he tries to escape death are very human and it makes him relatable.

Scenery
Until we get to the end there is no scenery. I'd suggest adding a little to the actions of the story. Maybe he sits on a particular piece of furniture or is in a particular room sipping his tea.

Plot
The plot was creative! I totally did not expect that ending and I loved how you tied in that quote about living being harder than death.

Mechanics
I didn't find any issues with grammar or spelling. Besides that first paragraph, there wasn't any areas that I tripped over.

Final thoughts
This was a fun little read. I appreciated the hidden meaning within the plot and how you tied in the science fiction elements.

Thank you for sharing your writing! I've enjoyed the read.



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Review of New moon  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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While browsing the random read and reviews, I came across this little story. So, I figured I would share my thoughts on it. *Smile*


The hook

That first paragraph has a whimsical feel. It is almost poetic, with the title of the area they live in. It also sets the pace, showing that this is futuristic. For me, this works well for a hook.

Dialogue
The dialogue was executed well. Characters are built through their chosen words. I could feel their excitement in their conversations amongst each other.

Character Development
The common characteristic amongst all the characters here is excitement. Other than that, the characters really aren't all that distinct from each other. Well, that is until we meet the Domemaster. He seems more authoritarian in comparison.

Scenery

There are some creative descriptions here that I really like. When you wrote "noise began to abate, like water flowing into a drain", I could hear the noise slowing and see the transformation towards quiet excitement.

I really get a sense on how this community is built within various connecting domes. Then we have the large dome, which I assume they all connect to.

Plot
Once I got to the creative writing readings and reviews I had an "aha" moment when I realized that this was created for WdC's birthday celebration. Very clever use of the prompt!

Throughout I was curious about what the gift would be, after all, they were so excited about it. Once we get to it, you paint a beautiful image. Well done.

Mechanics


There are just a few issues that I spotted.

“Only a glimpse, through the roof in the tube. All the settlers domes were connected by tubes, enabling them to interact with each other
. - Did you mean for this to be dialogue or is the quotation mark at the beginning a mistake?

Also, I love that last line of dialogue, but you seem to be missing a quotation mark at the end of it.

Final thoughts
Overall great story. It was an enjoyable read. Very unique use of the Writer's Cramp prompt, too.

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


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Review of Apartment 15  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi, Christopher. You sent me a review request and I'm just now getting around to it. This was an interesting little story.

The hook
I like how you begin by the narator telling us that he is a man of Science. It hints that there is going to be something that is going to prove him wrong in the story. So, for me, this works great as a hook.

Dialogue
Dialogue is executed well with realistic speech. The character's distinct with their chosen words, too. For example, Mrs. Graham repeating herself is realistic to someone who might be having a bout of dementia. Also, it is obvious that the main character is trying to be calm and professional.

You do great avoiding the redundancy of "said". For the most part, since the dialogue is via phone exchange, there is no body language. Although, you do pause to let us know that you sense a "strain in the paramedic's voice".

Character Development
Josh is built up as a young man struggling through college. The ease of the job gives him ample study time. His internal feelings with dealing with Mrs. Graham seem to be more of just wanting the situation dealt with so that he can get to school work. I think that this makes him seem more human and dimensional.

I like how you show body language with the explaining that you jumped to your feet as if you experienced "electric shock". Using these descriptions I really felt the emotional impact of his newfound realization.

Mrs. Graham is very childlike as if she can't find the more complex words to explain herself. This was realistic because it is common for the elderly to revert to such mannerisms when faced with memory issues.

Scenery
The scenery is very basic, but just enough to tell the story. We know that this is taking place at a nursing home, which is more like a retirement home with apartments.

Plot
The plot was intriguing. At first, I thought that Mrs. Graham was having issues explaining due to some mental difficulty from age. So, when we find out her real situation, it was quite shocking.

I like how you round everything out with the ending being very similar to the beginning. It gives a smooth transition. Especially after knowing the truth, it is more impactful when we are told the same thing.

Mechanics

You seem to have forgotten the end punctuation with some of the dialogue.

"Okay, you hold tight there, Mrs. Graham. I'm going to get the paramedics for you"- missing period after "you"

"Hi, Josh Meacham here. We need a medical team for Apartment 15, Mrs. Graham ASAP"- missing period or exclamation mark after "ASAP


"Don't know. She says she feels unwell but unable to give details"- missing period after "details"


Final thoughts
This was an enjoyable read. The plot was intriguing and kept my attention. Other than the few mechanical issues that I found, I think it is written pretty excellently.


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115
115
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi, LegendaryMask❤️ ! I'm here to review "How Time Heals All Wounds for the "OPEN HOUSE.

You had this particular item in your introductory file, showing what you are most proud of and/or would prefer reviews on. I chose this one because of the description. Being that it would most likely be non-fictional, I thought it would give some insight on you. It is always interesting reading non-fictional writing from fellow writers because like most writers I am nosy and like learning about people. *Bigsmile*

On the subject of death, everyone deals with it in a different way. So, it was interesting to get your Christian perspective. Even though you and I are of different faiths, I could see some similarities in the healing process.

Although, in my case, it was my father, who actually passed away eight years ago. Last month was the anniversary of his death. When you mentioned missing talking to her on the phone, I thought about how I did the same with my father. Although, for some reason, my father's e-mail was still active for many years, probably because it was a Gmail. Anyways, I e-mailed him when I felt a need to speak to him.

Since this is not a typical short story and is instead a telling of your emotions and thoughts on the healing process, I figured I would review it a little differently than I do short stories.


What I enjoyed about the writing
What I appreciate most about this is how you show that death does not have to make you stop living. Instead, through that living, we allow those who have passed away to live on through memory. Like you mentioned about removing a cake from the oven and it entwining with her lemon cake. Then the same with remembering her as if she was taking part in your children growing up.

For those who follow the Christian fair, I believe that this story would be a reminder to have faith in God and not blame him for the loss and to instead appreciate the gift of their life for which he blessed you with while they were here.

Suggestions
There were a few structural issues that jumped out at me.


I was barely 22 years old with two baby sons, the accident was three days before my oldest sons fifth birthday. This sentence does not quite flow correctly. I assumed this was supposed to be an accident for which was the cause of your mother's death, but it would be good to add some clarity to the sentence. Also, the sentences that follow could be made crisper. Below is a suggestion that might read better, for which includes the concepts expressed.

The accident that resulted in my mother's death occurred when I was barely 22, with two young children, ages 2 and 5.


As, I watched my sons grow into handsome men. I would feel her presence as if she was there celebrating their birthdays, graduations, weddings, and then the birth of her great-grandchildren.
- There are several grammar and sentence structure issues here. Below is an example of a way to correct.

As I watched my sons grow into handsome men, I would feel her presence as if she was there celebrating their birthdays, graduations, weddings, and the birth of her great-grandchildren.

Looking back and remembering a day that she held me, while fixing up my owies and wiping away my tears. How it felt to have her comforting me as I sat there and choked back those tears of pain. I can imagine the sound of her voice, the scent of her Ivory soap and shampoo she'd used that day.- This includes two sentence fragments, followed by a complete sentence. Below is an a way to fix it.

Sometimes I look back on how she held me while fixing up my owies and wiping away my tears. I remember how it felt to have her comforting me as I sat there and choked back those tears of pain. I can imagine the sound of her voice, the scent of her Ivory soap and shampoo she'd used that day.

Final thoughts
This was an endearing little story, for which those of us who have lost someone can relate. I am glad that you have allowed her memory to live on through the celebration of joys in your life. Seems to be a healthy way of coping.

Thank you for sharing your writing. It has been a pleasure reading you tonight. *Heart*


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Review of Amen  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi there! I ran across this on the random read and review and thought that I would share my thoughts on it. It was quite the emotional read.


First thoughts

On my first read through, my thoughts were that this was a very sad poem, but it is also a poem about the subjects devout faith.

Imagery
The imagery is of someone who is watching as a loved-one is on their deathbed. At first, I assumed that it was a spouse, but then at the end, I learned it was the mother watching her son pass away. We also learn that this is not only about faith, and loss, but also about healing through letting go. This is evident when he expresses his strife to his mother and the world.

Emotive qualities
The tone begins with sadness, as we are told that an older woman's light is dissipating through her sorrow. Light leaving gives a sense of lost hope.

Descriptions of the man like "hollow cheeks" "his final place/ in the living world, with his eyes he seeks" rings all too familiar for those of us who have sat next to someone who is dying.

Flow
The poem flows fluently through rhyme and each line and stanza flows into the next, without any confusing bits.

Mechanics
The only suggestion I have is with your use of "blowing". When I think of blowing, I think of air or wind, which dries, or weathers something. Some other two syllable words to consider could be "bleeding" or "muting".

Final thoughts
This was a sad, but meaningful and relatable poem. If this is autobiographical, I am sad for your loss. No parent should have to lose a child. *Heart*

Thank you for sharing your writing. *Heart*


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Review of Death and Faxes  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

** Image ID #2160267 Unavailable **



Hi, Carol! The raid today is all about accomplishments, so I figured I would stop by and give you a review and congratulate you on your well-deserved promotion to moderator.


These dialogue stories can easily get confusing, especially when a third person is brought into the picture. So, the fact that you remained clarity throughout is pretty excellent.

The characters are unique from each other through the chosen dialogue. The woman's self-loathing is obvious. The Reaper is full of sarcasm. It is almost as if he is annoyed with her crying. Then once the boyfriend comes into the picture, his speech is realistic to someone who has been rushing to get there in order to fix the situation.

While only using dialogue, you were able to throw in a story twist and develop three characters. It takes some skill to do that, so great job.

Thanks for sharing your writing. *Heart*


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Review of Samantha's Pet  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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You've been advertising relentlessly for reviews, so I figured it is about time I give this a read. *Laugh*

The hook
This begins so innocently. Bob is trying to appease his girlfriend by getting her a puppy. Of course, this can't just be any puppy. Instead, it must be a puppy that costs a thousand dollars. His sympathy towards the puppies in the dusty corner shows him to be a sweet human being. As a means of introducing poor Bob and setting the scene, this works perfectly as a hook, especially once this comes full circle by the ending. *Smile*

Dialogue
Dialogue is done excellently. The challenge to Bob's resolve to be loyal is shown to be challenged, through his inner thoughts. Although, the honest and great guy he is, his speech makes it clear that he is not a cheater.

Lilith is very flirty in her speech, trying to tempt him. It is almost as if she is mocking his innocense and finding humor in his resolve.

Character Development
I love how you make fun of yourself when you use yourself in your stories. Little details like him scratching his bald spot and rubbing his stubbly chin, really show him to the reader. He's a typical male in that he is tempted by a beautiful woman, but he convinces himself that he is only going with this woman to get a puppy. So, although he is telling himself he is going to be loyal, in a sense he is facing some inner struggles with maintaining that. In my opinion, this makes him more realistic. Having him be too perfect would have made his character dull.

Lillith on the other hand is a hoot. I couldn't help but laugh at some of the things she does, like when she pats his chubby cheaks. It is sort of a flatery with an insult. Also, she continually temps him, for which I could see her finding humor in his nervousness, even though this was told from Bob's point of view.

Scenery
The scenery in both pet scenes are used to show the similarity between Bob and those poor puppies. That last pet scene with all the magical and mundain pets was brilliently done. I love how you typed in the unicorn and then the dragon being right next to him. We even get an understanding of the smell when Bob makes that facial expression from the wet dog smell.

Plot
The plot is excellent! It is one of those stories that when you get to the end there is an "aha" moment. There are so many clues throughout, like the backpack never coming off, the statement about the unicorn, and her liking to collect rare animals. And, then there is that aspect where a beautiful, rich woman offering to drive a man in her car to her home that is highly suspicious.

Once I got to the end, that last dialogue had me rolling in laughter. All I can think of is, poor Bob and how it sucks to be the nice guy.

Mechanics
I only have one tidbit to point out. Otherwise, this is error free from my perception.

He lay his cards on the table- Since the story is told in past tense, it makes more sense for the word "laid" to be used.

Final thoughts
This was excellent, Bob! I'm glad that I got around to reading this. It gave me a good laugh.

As always, I've enjoyed reading you. Thanks for sharing your writing.


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Review of Peace  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi, Tileira ! I'm here to review "Peace as your realtor and for "OPEN HOUSE.

The Hook
The first paragraph is filled with imagery, that not only shows us the setting but also expresses the emotions of the character. We know that he is anticipating something, but he must be patient. This hints that something important is going to happen in the story while putting the reader in the location of the character and in his head. It works great as a hook.

Dialogue
The spoken words in quotation marks are executed very well. Nadir's words seem to skirt around something. He say's that he has "dedicated" himself "to humility", but I kept thinking about his internal thoughts about anticipation and patience. In a way, these things together make his speech seem suspicious like he is hiding something from his brother. Arash is suspicious too, which is apparent in his speech and the body language that accompany those words.

Scenery
By adding details about the location and wardrobe it is easy to equate that the story takes place in Persia sometime in the distant past. To me, this setting gave it a magical feel, which matched the twists of witchery that are exposed.

Character Development
Characters are developed well, each being very distinct from eachother.

Nadir is strong-willed. So much so, that is father must punish his little brother to get to him. Otherwise, he would never give in if the punishment was only for him.

Arash is the gentler and more patient of the two, yet he has to endear the burden of his brother's actions, which is evident in the bruise.

The king sort of has a pompousness about him. This is shown when he mocks Nadir for standing beside the table with the gift. Knowing about his beating the younger sibling, and through the mind of Nadir, the king is easily disliked by the reader. Even the uncle is on edge, trying to appease the man.

Plot
The plot was excellent. Honestly, when Arash is holding the box while looking at the casket, I suspected that the objective was to kill the king. Although, the mystery around the box kept me intrigued.

Then the twist at the end was quite interesting. I loved how you described what was in the box. The way the mistress ran out of the room makes me curious if she was the witch that gave him the box.

The episode with the baby chicken and the egg was an interesting twist. It suggested that there were going to be some poor consequences to the prince's actions. Although, of course, due to the brutality they were facing, I'm thinking that he didn't mind facing those consequences, whatever they might be.

The only thing I would suggest in this area is to maybe add more descriptions about the ornate qualities of this box. Was it wooden? Did it have carvings? Was it plain, like something that might be holding more valuables inside? Since the box is a major aspect of this story, some detail here would show the story more.

Mechanics
When you looked every bid the gracious and obedient heir- I'm thinking that you meant "every bit"

Other than that little issue, I really didn't find anything else. It is a well-crafted story.

Final Thoughts
This was a great story. It was filled with imagery and suspense. Wonderful job!

Thank you for sharing your writing! *Heart*


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Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I clicked on read a newbie, which is located in the community tab to the left of your screen, and found this little treasure of yours. So, I thought I'd share my thoughts on it.


First thoughts

Many seem to think free verse is void of any structure, but in reality, to be a well-written poem it must still be emotive through the use of original analogy and enjambment. In my opinion, your poem is an excellent example of how a great free verse poem should be written.

Imagery
I love how this poem engrosses the reader into the evaluation of a deteriorating landscape. When reading it, at first I was thinking of actual land that is being destroyed by the hands of man. Then you offer a twist at the end, with the realization that the subject of the poem is that landscape, scarred and aging.

Emotive qualities
Maybe because I am in the aging process, seeing those signs in the mirror, this poem was particularly impactful emotionally. Although, I believe that anyone would understand the emotions of the subject, whether they are going through it or not.

Flow
The poem flows excellently through the proper use of enjambment. Each line breaks, divulging more of the subject's emotions, and apparent evaluations when looking in the mirror. when read out-loud there are no areas that I tripped over.

Mechanics
There are no issues with grammer or spelling. It is perfect as is.

Final thoughts
I really enjoyed reading your words. Thank you for sharing your creativity and raw emotion with me. You should consider submitting this poem to "Invalid Item. It is a promptless contest, so you can submit any new poem. The only rule is that you must be a new member on this site, which you are.

Also, when you have time, I'd love if you entered my contest "Rebel Poetry Contest, that is if you find any of the prompts encite your muse.


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Review of Anomalies  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Hi there, Psyman . As you requested, I am here to review your story "Anomalies. This review will also be submitted to the "Random Thoughts and Cares.

For me, reviewing is as much of a learning tool as it is a teaching tool. By reading and helping you, I am helping myself to become a better writer. After reading this, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me and I will answer them to the best of my ability.


The hook

That first introductory paragraph has a robotic feel. It almost seems like the character is viewing their body's reactions as if it is not their own. Personally, I found this intriguing. It made me wonder if the body was their host or if they were a robot. So, this worked great as a hook.

Although, I have a little advice here. You begin with present tense in the first sentence, but then switch to past tense. I'd suggest staying within the same tense to avoid confusion.

Dialogue
This story only consists of inner thought dialogue, which in my opinion is executed very well. The thoughts coincide with the actions of the character. For example, when the hand escapes gravity and she laces her fingers together, she thinks about how it seems to be the normal thing to do. It is almost like those thoughts are contemplating or remembering what is normal.

I feel that adding Angela's words indented, rather than in italics was a great choice here. It prevented confusion. It is clear that it is presented like a video in the character's head, rather than just thought patterns.

Character Development
Typically it would be odd to not divulge the main character's name, but in this story, it makes a lot of sense because they themselves are trying to understand who and what they are. As they go on a journey of mental discovery, so is the reader. Through vivid descriptions, I felt as if I was them, learning about myself.

There is a lot of imagery here that make these characters interesting and feel real. The main character seems almost robotic as if they are grasping at memories that were implanted by another. Little details like it feeling strange about moving body parts as if they were new, yet they sense something familiar about them, peak curiosity as their identity unravels throughout the story.

Descriptions of Angela are shown through bits of memory, played like a video in the character's mind. Her physical traits are well defined, as well as her way of dressing. Understanding that she is a scientist, the descriptions of her in a pant dress suit are realistic to someone in a professional field.

Scenery
I love the way you describe these anomalies. Through your descriptions, I could see them almost in a horrific way. Showing the world, where these anomalies where occurring, through the eyes of Angela worked well. It created a distinction between the current place the character was in and where Angela was. She appeared to be watching the destruction of the world as she knew it through a spaceship.

When it comes to the main character's location, details like gravity explain that it is an earth-like planet. Although, there isn't much detail about the planet. Some ways that details could be added is possibly the description of plant life mingled into the actions of the story. We don't know whether it is night or day, so maybe they open their eyes to two moons, or the sun blaring in their eyes.

Plot
The plot was excellent! I was glued to it from beginning to end. There are hints throughout, like the explanations of the planet being in uprise over these anomalies, Angela's location, and the story being divulged in a series of memories, that hint at the ending, but don't divulge it completely. Being surprised was refreshing.

In my opinion, rarely does a cliffhanger work in a story. It takes great skill to do so without the story appearing unfinished. Yet, in this case, you did an excellent job. Still, I would love to read a part two to know what happens in this new world. Better yet, this could be an intro to a novel. There are so many places you could take this.

Mechanics
appendage that seamed familiar but altogether new- Seam is used in sewing, but the word seem denotes familiarity. So, "seem" would make more sense in this sentence.

Form fitted- This is a compound word, hence it should be "form-fitted"

New found appendages to manipulate!- Newfound is the correct way to write the compound word.

With some effort(,) the legs started to flex- "With some effort" is an introductory phrase, which means that a comma needs to come after it.

After several times through the speech(,) the message was finally-
"After several times through the speech" is an introductory phrase, hence there needs to be a comma after it.

There was rolling grey rock hills- The word here should be "were" because there is more than one hill. "Was" is used when there is a singular item.

and for the rest of the process(,) it is perfectly affixed- Comma is needed after the introductory phrase,

Of course (,) these questions have brought on a lot of interest- This is another missing comma after an introductory phrase.

Corporations, religious groups(,)and various other organizations- When there are three or more elements or phrases listed in a sentence, there needs to be a comma separating them all, including before "and".

The last worry(,)of course(,) has not been taken seriously- The placement of the phrase "of course" makes it an interrupter, which means there needs to be a comma before it and after it.

In order to make it through the transition(,) the travelor would have- Missing a comma after the introductory phrase.

In order to make it through the transition(,)the traveler would have to be in complete stasis- Another missing comma after an introductory phrase

The opportunity to be the first one on another planet(,) however (,) was a very powerful lure.- "however" is an interruption, hence there needs to be a comma before and after.

also showed the form fitted head rest- This is a compound word, so it should be "headrest".

but with luck(,) I will be able to remember- "but with luck" is an introductory phrase, which means that a comma is needed after.

It appears that your biggest issue in this area is understanding the use of commas when it concerns introductory phrases or interrupters. Below are a few links that might help you with this.

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/commas-after-introd...
https://www.grammarly.com/blog/comma-with-interrup...

Final thoughts
The reasoning for the three and a half stars is mostly due to the constant grammar issues found. The story itself is excellent. I'm hoping that you get around to editing this. If you do, make sure to let me know. In respect of fellow writers, I am always happy to reevaluate my rating when a writer e-mails me, letting me know that an item has been repaired.

Thank you for sharing your writing and choosing me to review it. It has been a pleasure taking a tour through your imagination.


** Image ID #2159986 Unavailable **


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122
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi, Ken. Browsing the random read and reviews I found this poem. So, I figured I would share my thoughts on it.

First thoughts

On my first readthrough, I thought, I am soooo happy that my daughters are past that age! Like you express, the simplest things are so important at that young age.

Imagery
The imagery is of a father, who is coming home from work to the chaos that children bring. The yard is a mess, for which he'd make them clean, but alas they wouldn't listen anyways.

The children are relatable from a parents point of view. Like most young people today, they are distracted by their electronic devices. And, of course, social media is what determines their value these days.

Emotive qualities
I found the poem comical in a relatable way. I found myself shaking my head, thinking, yep, that is exactly how it is. I felt pity for the father. Poor guy just got home and has to deal with drama from both women. Rather than being greeted by his wife by "hi, Honey" or "How was your day?" he is greeted with her stress and silence telling him to handle the mess around so that she can cook.

Flow
The poem flows well due to consistent rhyme. Each stanza flows smoothly into the next telling a story of this household.

Mechanics
From my perception, this was error free. It is a well-written poem. Since it was written some time ago, I imagine it has already undergone a lot of editing.

Final thoughts
I've enjoyed reading your verse, mostly because, as a parent, I relate all too well.

Thank you for sharing your writing, Ken! *Heart*


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123
123
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi there! I found this by chance through the random read and review. So, I thought I would share my thoughts on it.

This little story from a veteran WdC member serves as a reminder of why when we leave feedback, we should make sure to be positive at the same time. For newer writers who might be sharing their writing for the first time, an all negative review could be extremely discouraging. It could be the deciding factor on whether they give-up or post something else on here.

Especially since this is written by a veteran on the site and a moderator on the site, this is particularly impactful. Those who know you, most likely have taken your courses on WdC at one time or another. So, it is easy to assume that your first experiences on here lead to how you treated others on the site.

This was an excellent little piece of written experience and one that many should read to understand the significance of our individual influence on new members here.

Thank you for sharing your writing, Winnie! And, thank you to your friend who helped you in your beginnings. After all, if it were not for being given such a great experience, who knows, you might not have been the helpful longterm member that you are now.





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Review of Just $29.95  
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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I've been trying to work through all the saved stories I have in my review template. Most likely you posted this in the newsfeed and I set it aside planning to give it a read and review. I tend to do that pretty regularly, which is probably why I have like 20 member items stored in my review template *FacePalm*. My apologies for taking so long to get to it.

The hook
That first paragraph works great as a hook. The reader is introduced to the conflict of the story. Rick is unable to sleep. Knowing that this was horror, I was curious about the horrific reason why.

Dialogue
Spoken words in the quotation marks are done really well. When dialogue begins with the television, the story is carried well. Although, you are a bit redundant with the word "said". In those areas, some body language would show the characters more. In others, you add body language with "said" and the word could be deleted in those areas because we already know someone said something by the quotation marks and that the one doing the action is saying it.

Character Development
Since Rick is playing video games and making bets about staying up, it is easy to assume that he is a younger man. The reader gets a clear understanding of the man's mental state. His body is restless while his mind is not functioning at full speed. Knowing this, once the reader is introduced to the television scene, it is easy to conclude that it is just a dream, hence why he doesn't feel pain.

Scenery
There really isn't a lot of scenery, but there is just enough info to tell the story. If you wanted to add more to the scenery, you could easily do it to build the character, making him a slob or an OCD neat-freak.
Plot
I loved the plot. You did great in the building of suspense, without making the ending too obvious.

There are some great descriptions in the showing of this story. My favorite is when you describe the finger flying in the air and the blood.

Mechanics
But his body felt like it could run a marathon.- instead of felt, which is more of a telling rather than showing word, maybe you could put something like, "His body was energized for a marathon" or "His energy level was that of an athlete prepared to run a marathon."

Final thoughts
This story sort of reminded me of the television scenes in a few of King's books. If I am remembering correctly, there was one in Needful Things and The Stand.

Overall, I really thought this was a great story. I was glued to it from beginning to end. The advice that I have shared are only ways that I feel would make a great story even better. Hopefully, my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.


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125
125
Review by Warped Sanity
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
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You sent me a request for a review a few days ago, so I am finally here to share my thoughts on your writing.


First thoughts

The story is an endearing one that displays a couple's last moments together.

Imagery
The imagery displayed is more so the descriptions of what is going on in the environment and the emotions of the subject. He/she is reflecting on their imperfections in the relationship and on their love for the other. From what I gathered, something apocalyptic is about to happen and they are sitting on a hill awaiting their death.

Emotive qualities
The story itself is a sad one. It seems to reflect the thought of appreciating what you have in life because you never know when it will be gone.

Flow
For me, this seemed more like a flash fiction or prose than a poem. Personally, since it was void of analogy or any other poetic elements, other than line breaks, it really did not feel like a poem.

Mechanics
In poetry, you do not have to capitalize every first word in a line. Especially with free verse, capitalization can be used to enhance the emotion of the piece, instead. For example, sometimes people will capitalize words like Him or Her to emphasize them, while they use a lowercase i to minimize themselves.

Final thoughts
I felt that the story itself was a bittersweet one. Although, in my opinion, it would work better as a story, rather than written as a poem.


Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are from one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply. Hopefully, my thoughts on your writing have been helpful.




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