I found this little story via the random read and review on the left of my computer screen. It was a cute little story, showing how expressions are changed, causing confusion between youth and the elderly.
The first line with the grandfather, tells me that he is possibly going to help someone with a science experience. Right away, I am thinking that this is going to be a family story, possibly with some wisdom involved. For some reason, I always equate such story beginnings with wisdom, possibly because of my personal views when it comes to those who have lived long lives.
The dialogue was done fairly well. The actual words spoken by each seem realistic. Although, I am unsure about the young man's age and the speech is a little confusing when trying to evaluate the age in that way. Going by the type of experiment he is conducting, I'd say he is in upper elementary school or lower Junior high. Yet, in the dialogue he miss says some things that would happen with someone much younger. Then in other areas, he seems mature.
"But my first try doesn’t(didn't) work"
“Just then Jimmy’s sister, Susan, came in. How’s the invention coming?”- You seem to have put the quotation marks in the wrong place here.
Little things like "Gramps thought about it" tell the reader that this story is from the grandfather's point of view. Through his observation, there are some facial clues that show the emotions of those around him. One example being when Susan "squinted her eyes." Although, the grandson is the main character throughout most of the story and there is very little body language shown for him. Maybe consider adding some.
Like I mentioned in the dialogue, there needs to be some clarity on the boy's age. Also, since this is about expressions, adding some slang in the boy's words that confuse the grandfather could help build the boy's character and help will understand details like the boy's age.
There are areas where you can show rather than tell. Below is an example of one area to show you what I mean, but I'd suggest giving this story another read through, showing in other places as well.
Jimmy said, excited again- For one, we know Jimmy said something due to the dialogue, so we don't need to be told that. Then to show that it is Jimmy who spoke, actions showing his excitement will clarify who actually spoke. Depending on personality, people react to excitement differently, so rather than tell us he is excited, show us. For example, he could display a smile showing all his teeth and his eyes widen. Maybe his personality is more animated and excitement is shown through clapping or jumping up and down.
Here is another area for which is an example of where details could be added to show the story rather than using said.
“So, Invention Convention huh,” Grampa said to Jimmy, “so what are you trying to invent?”
Here is a suggestion, but remember, if you want gramps to have a different personality or appearance, choose something else. This is just an example to help you understand what I mean.
"So, Invention convention, huh?" Gramps adjusted his spectacles and smiled showing his gums. "So, what are you trying to invent?"
There really isn't any scenery, but since this is a flash fiction, I'm thinking it has to do with the limited word count allowed for whichever contest this was submitted to. If you choose to expand this, some details with surroundings added to the actions of the story would show it in the reader's mind better.
The plot was cute. I had to giggle at the confusion between the two from the grandfather's slang. I like how you used the grandfather's slang to show how expressions change and can confuse younger generations. It is a situation for which most of us have experienced to some degree. I'm not a grandparent, yet I even have this issue with my youngest daughter.
This was a cute little story showing how generations change in speech and how these aspects can cause communication issues between age gaps.
Thank you for sharing your writing. Remember, the thoughts expressed here are the opinions of one person. It is up to you, the writer, to determine which advice to apply to your writing. Hopefully, my thoughts have been helpful. At any time, if you happen to edit this, feel free to send it back to me and I will up my rating according to repairs.