FIRST IMPRESSION
This was full of rich imagery and a subtle mysticism that drew me in. It was great!
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Lonliness (Loneliness)
Other than that, great job!
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I really loved how this took me into a forest and into a storm as well. I could see everything clearly. It was perfect.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I really enjoyed this. Keep writing, because you are really good at it!
FIRST IMPRESSION
I feel a little ripped off! I wanted more! xD
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
There were some areas where you needed punctuation, and all of the extra space between paragraphs made it difficult to read.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I thought this was a bit abrupt. It left room for a LOT of questions, which was a bit of a turn off. I like all of the nitty gritty details that you could have written so that I knew more.
Regardless, it was still a good read. I just think it deserves a little more attention because of all of the unanswered questions.
FIRST IMPRESSION
There were some sentence fragmentws in this and unnecessary punctuation, but it was still a cute read.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
See above. :)
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I thought this was really cute. I think this girl may actually like you based on your story. She sounds like a great girl and the two of you could possibly be a good match. She's obviously comfortable enough to touch you, even if it is just soft, barely-there touches.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I think I've pretty much said everything I needed to. :)
Good luck with the girl!
FIRST IMPRESSION
Exclamation points make this weird.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I didn't really see anything wrong with this error-wise. :)
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This was cute, but at the same time, the narrator seemed just a little desperate for attention, which was a slight turn off for me. Then again, everyone has had those moments, so I can relate to this.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I think I've pretty much said everything I needed to. :)
FIRST IMPRESSION
Exclamation points make this weird.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
There is need for punctuation in this, and there were some lines that were kind of jumbled to make it rhyme, meaning I had to sit here and try to decipher them. It made for a difficult read at times.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
Some of this seemed almost nonsensical. The gel? I thought that was a strange way to describe someone.
There were other stanzas that were very good though.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I think I've pretty much said everything I needed to. :)
FIRST IMPRESSION
I didn't get it at first, but when I did, I giggled.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
There were some spelling and capitalization errors in this, but nothing that another read-through wouldn't fix. :)
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I just woke up, so it took some time for this to click for me. I didn't get it at first, then I re-read it and laughed. That last line in particular was great.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Give this a once over again and you have something really great! Lots of potential for this!
FIRST IMPRESSION
This would have looked better single-spaced, All of the space between lines made it difficult to read.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
See above.
There needs to be some extra punctuation in places.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This was concise but made a point. It discussed the duality of the world in simple terms that could be easily understood, making this a real gem despite the brevity and spacing annoyances. :)
CLOSING THOUGHTS
This is good as-is, but the spacing is a bit much. I would have given this a five otherwise!
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Not seen in tarots or on horoscope charts (Tarot should be capitalized, and there is no 's' on the end.)
There needed to be more punctuation at the end of lines like commas or periods. :)
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I really enjoyed this poem. The only thing that "bugged" me was that the first two stanzas had six lines, and the last two had four. Maybe this was intentional or a traditional poem or something, but that would mostly be my own lack of knowledge. ^^
The message behind this was clear and crisp as the seasons you described. It was really great.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Some of these paragraphs need to be split up into more paragraphs. Other than that, everything looked good.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I thought this was really cute, but I felt bad for Momo and her sister when they went to live in the few new house. It actually makes me a little curious about her third home, however, because she is so easily liked.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Did you know that Momo means 'peach' in Japanese? If not, you do now. ;)
This was beautiful from beginning to end. It was short, but that didn't detract from the images it brought to mind.
I particularly liked the phrase 'beauteous flaws'. It makes me think of moles like you mentioned. Some people see them as ugly, but I think they are cute in places. They used to be called beauty marks for a reason. :)
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I found no real errors in this. Good job!
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This was a really interesting concept, and it really worked! It was clever, kept me engaged, and you brought it back together in the end to remind me of the fortune cookie. I liked this A LOT.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
This is really great. I thought you did a wonderful job with this.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
So before Atropos cuts you off the cord to the living, remember this. You can’t change fate.
(This needed a little work. Try 'So before Atropos cuts off your cord to the living, remember this: you can’t change fate.'
Tell that girl or that guy, that you have had a thing for, but never told, how much they mean to you.
(Tell that girl or that guy that you have had a thing for but never told, just how much they mean to you.)
This needed to be broken up into proper paragraphs too. Nothing that some minor editing wouldn't fix.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I like that this was upbeat and positive. It was very motivational, which made me like it a lot.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
our here on your front porch. (out here)
It shouldn’t happen but, I hope you put your love on my tonight. (on me tonight?)
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This was repetitive, which normally isn't so bad, but this was so repetitive that it made me just a touch bothered. It made the whole thing seem off, and like the narrator couldn't quite get it together. That may have been on purpose, but this wasn't quite as good as the other things you've written.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
This is okay, but I have seen you write better. It was so repetitive that I had a hard time enjoying the piece overall.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
my bared arms (bare arms may sound better)
shinning (should be shining)
Everything else seemed fine. :)
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This was very descriptive and I could see everything you described. There were times where it nearly overwhelmed me because of how descriptive it was, but believe me, it would have been in all of the right ways.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
your breath so peacefully (you breathe?)
Thre are times when you needed to punctuate and capitalize, but other than that and the earlier suggestion, I could find nothing wrong with this!
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I loved the metaphor you used in reference to the coals and flames being similar to love and beauty. I thought this was beautiful and clever.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Great read! I'd like to see more from you!
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I couldn't find anything wrong with this.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I really enjoyed this. It definitely had some mystery to it that made it seem every bit as magical as the name. It was a great read and it flowed perfectly. The rhyme scheme was also consistent! Great job!
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I've pretty much said everything above. xD
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I could find no errors in this at all. Everything was perfect.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
Poor kitty. I was really growing attached to him and could really see him just as you described him. He seemed like a really loving cat, and I am sorry that you lost him.
As for the story itself, it was very well written and it definitely had a tone to it that kept me engaged. I knew things were not going to end well, but it was so well-written that it didn't stop me from finishing the whole thing.
FIRST IMPRESSION
This seriously needed to be double spaced after every paragraph, and it needs to be broken up into smaller paragraphs. These are way too big.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
You used a lot of ellipses that kind of detracted from the overall read at time. (Ellipses are these: ...)
You had some sentence fragments in several places too.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This is sad in so many ways, but if it is based on your actual feelings and not those of a character, then I am sorry that you are experiencing this. The thought of being alone is never a good one, and I sincerely hope that you find your someone soon (assuming this is non-fiction).
It was well written, but it really needs to be broken up into smaller paragraphs so that it is easier to read.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Keep writing. You have a lot of potential. :)
FIRST IMPRESSION
The caps and 'screaming' parts made this difficult for me to take seriously.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
There were no glaring mistakes, just minor things that would be nitpicky to point out.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I have mixed feelings about this. In some ways, it was beautiful and touching and serious, but then all of the caps and screaming parts come in and make it seem a little silly to me.
It feels like this came from a place of pain, which makes it a good read, but I think all of the exclamation points and caps detract from the serious undertones and make it almost comical.
It is very descriptive in parts and I could relate to that kind of pain, but I think this needs a second look to clean it up and make all of it serious so that it can shine.
Just my opinion. :)
CLOSING THOUGHTS
If this had been cleaned up a little, I probably would have given it a five, but since it made me feel two very conflicting ways, I am going to give it a three and a half.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I found no errors in this.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This was poignant and I could relate to it, which is probably why it resonated so deeply with me. I have been that girl. I know her all too well, and you really explained her well.
I especially like the line 'By day I fool you all', mostly because I liken that to wearing a mask that no one can truly see beyond. That is how I've always described that feeling.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
This is beautiful as is, and I wouldn't change a thing.
FIRST IMPRESSION
You need commas in this piece desperately. It is descriptive,
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
You REALLY need some commas in this. It was well written, but the lack of commas made this a difficult read for me over all. In a descriptive piece like this, commas are a necessity!
God why is this happening to me the pain is unbearable?
(God, why is this happening to me? The pain is unbearable!)
And in a flash the abomination was off on the hunt to satisfy his need for destruction - the eater of souls was born.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
This was well written and descriptive, but the lack of commas bothered me. You needed quite a few to make this flow better.
Give it a quick look over and you may see what I mean.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
This was good, but it could be SO much better with some editing.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
When writing, numbers should be written out instead. Three would be written as three instead of just a number. At least, that is what I was taught in school. It gives the piece a feeling of unity.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I have never been in that predicament, and likely never will be, but GOSH. You poor dear. I would have been so embarrassed. It didn't help that your sister teased you.
It was still a cute story though, and something great came from it. This was short and adorable.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
I thought this was really good. Keep writing!
FIRST IMPRESSION
Started off great, ended abruptly and didn't live up to the first few lines.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
its (should be it's)
Im (should be I'm)
Good listeners what I need, (are what I need would sound better)
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I liked this, but toward the end it started becoming nonsensical. It also didn't flow very well at the end like it did at the beginning, which made this a bit of a let down for me.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
This has potential to be so much better than it is. You have all of the tools you need to make this great, but I feel like you were holding back instead of really feeling what you were writing. Read it again and you may see what I mean.
FIRST IMPRESSION
This was truly tragic. It makes me wonder if it was based on a true story. :(
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
I found absolutely no errors in this. It was perfect.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
I don't know if this was fiction or non-fiction, but either way, it really touched me. It was beautiful and sincere despite the tragedy, and it also flowed well as far as the writing went. You did a really good job on this.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
This really touched me. It was great. Keep writing.
FIRST IMPRESSION
Well written with inconsistent rhyme scheme.
ERRORS Keep in mind that I only point things out that I see wrong or sound off to me. Most of this is only opinion and you can completely disregard it if you like!
Other than an inconsistent rhyme scheme, I found no other problems.
OVERALL OPINION Keep in mind that I am one person! My opinion is just one! You may have many people with an opinion opposite of mine. :)
Sometimes, an inconsistent rhyme scheme doesn't bother me, but this did just a little. It was extremely well written though. I will admit, the first stanza I liked better because of the original rhyme scheme - something the second stanza lacked.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Great job! Keep writing because you're good at it!
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