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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 09:47 What subject would you like to write about, but haven’t yet. Genre? Type of character? Location? What? I usually write whatever strikes my fancy, although there are certain elements that I would like to explore in my stories which I haven't yet, or which I feel I haven't explored in enough depth. Racism is one of those. In my novel, I wanted to explore this vast subject but I don't think I did a good job of it. Besides, I've only done one draft and all that did was let me know my characters a bit better. In the next draft, I'm hoping to explore the plot. Then after that draft, depending on how it goes, I can probably think about some other things about the novel, like building on the themes I've stumbled to include already. See, I don't yet have the skill to subtly insert a theme or themes into my stories. That's something to look into. As for genre, I don't know. Maybe speculative fiction? I could be wrong but my definition of speculative fiction has it as stories that are set in the real world but are fantastical in nature. I tend to keep away from serious stories set in the real world because they're usually not set in places that I know - like my fanfics, which are usually anime-inspired and set in Japan. I wouldn't do these kinds of stories seriously because I'd always worry that something is wrong about the setting and I haven't researched enough. That's one of the reasons why I only write fantasy set in other worlds. Type of character? Maybe an obnoxious Douchebag? I worry though that if the character is too different from me, then I can't portray them well enough. If I can't get into the mind of the character, then I suppose they don't come across as believable. Saying that, I do need to challenge myself. I think, to date, all the main characters of any original story I've come up with have been aloof and lone-ranger types, because those are the characters who interest me most. 10:03 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 11:38 What three things do I take with me if I'm going on a long trip, excluding toiletries and clothing? Hmm... 1. A notebook - a notebook is all-round entertainment. You can draw games to play with those around you, in a pinch. You can jot down ideas for stories. Plan stories. Make a start on stories. Write random character-building scenes for stories. Oh, and I guess you can write poems too, if you're into that sort of thing. You could doodle, or draw proper sketches. Outline scenes for your stories - if you're any good at drawing perspectives, which I'm crap at. You could always rip pages out and start doing origami. Or make a bucket list of books you'd like to read or things you'd like to do. Or write an essay on the meaning of life, if you're really, truly bored. 2. A book. Because I'm a bookworm and it's important to let people know that. It's a shield against people who want to make awkward conversation. Of course, some people are dense and will continue talking at you even if you've put up a book. But that really ought to be their problem, shouldn't it? 3. My imagination. The sky's the limit with this one, right? I know it's a part of me so it goes where I go, but it's nice to know you have this resource to tap into if things are really slow. If I have a good enough idea and my imagination at hand, I could get lost in the story for hours. Good times, good times. Although, usually, this mostly works when I'm lying in bed and really ought to go to sleep but would rather let the story play out instead :D 11:48 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 22:51 Not sure about this one. If the prompt had been "someone famous", I'd say Keanu Reeves. But the names of...semi-famous people don't spring to mind easily and it's late. Hold on. Thinking hard. No, that just makes me want to go to bed. Ok, no thinking hard. Hmm...the last movie I saw was Big Hero 6...and I don't know who the voice actors were! Live-action movie then. My last live-action movie was Constantine. So it can't be the main actors so...Rachel Wiesz? Hers is one of the main characters, though, right? So...Er...Shia LaBeouf? But he's also...major, right? The only other actor I can recall from that movie whom I've seen in other works is Tilda Swinton, and when I say "other works", I just mean Doctor Strange. And a brief appearance in Endgame. I like how she plays tough, not-very-feminine roles. In fact, I don't even know if "Gabriel" in Constantine was supposed to be a male or a female. But I don't particularly want to meet her. I don't want to meet anybody who is "Hollywood famous" - maybe just a few, who've been lauded for their achievements beyond the big screen. I know actors might imbue their characters with some of their own traits to give those characters some depth but I'm still only interested in the personalities they portray on the screen - what they do beyond that screen is of little concern to me. I'd love to enter Fictionland and meet some of those characters! Now, if you were to ask me which famous person I'd want to meet as a writer, I think my response would be Brandon Sanderson. The man is amazing! I'm nearly halfway through Oathbringer and I am enthralled. I wish I could read it start to finish and not have to worry about anything else in between. But then I'd be sad that I finished it so soon. 23:08 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 11:15 The prompt for today: In this scenario, money is no object, so you can buy anything you want. Only thing is, you can’t buy this for yourself. What will you buy, and who will you buy it for? Be creative here! I'd buy houses for my sister and my best friends and pay off my brother's mortgage. Maybe buy everyone decent cars. It's all well and good to ask us to be creative with this and I'm aware that my uses for this imaginary money aren't creative, but really, I don't need money to be creative (except for the purchase of art supplies which then express that creativity) but I guess it isn't really about me. As I get older, I become less idealistic. Money isn't the answer to everything but it sure solves some big problems. Like getting you a roof over your head and a place to call your own. After gifting these people dear to me, I would host homeless dinners so people living on the streets could get some warm food in them. After that, I guess I could donate to various charities. And then maybe, whatever's left would go towards my son's bank account, for him to use when he reaches 30. Yes, thirty. It seems very irresponsible to be handed a large sum of money at the age of 18. When I was eighteen, I didn't know much about the world. I was terrible at saving. If something happens to me before he reaches thirty, in this imaginary scenario, I'm sure the people I've mentioned above would be happy to lend him a hand. Kindness begets kindness, right? This has been interesting entry. 11:28 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 12:25 I like Sundays. They're quiet days where I just like to chill out at home and not feel like my entire day centres on leaving the house for something or other. They're lazy days and creative days and they can be pyjama days, if I want them to be. They can be active or slow, mellow or vigorous, soft or full-on. But what I don't like is for my Sunday to feel like any other day, which is what normally happens, funnily enough. My niece is over since my friends will be visiting later and she gets along well with my friend's daughter. She's keeping my son occupied, which is a blessing! It means he's not following me around like a second shadow. But for all that I don't want my Sunday to feel like just any day, I don't usually stay in my pyjamas this long. It's been like four hours since I got out of bed and I'm still not dressed for the day. I like that there's the option of staying in my pyjamas today, but I don't really like indulging in it. I feel like I'm human if I make the effort to be presentable. It's like pulling my skin on for the day. I need to do some shopping for my friends - I don't know whether fish and chips is a good dish to serve guests. My Asian hospitality drive is thinking it is very much inadequate, but I can't be bothered making more complicated dishes. I hate cooking! I was going to make a cake too but I haven't. I'm so lazy, even if it is a Sunday! 12:35 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 13:02 My family have mixed things up a little today - instead of going to my Mum's for the day, I've been invited to my brother's house. I am bored out of my skull so I thought I'd do some story planning. I have no idea what I'm doing. I remember I did one awkward blog entry a while back from the POV of my main character- I'm thinking of doing one from the POV of the villain, who I am now analysing in a bit more depth and whose characterisation is subsequently changing from what it was before. Initially, I'd thought I'd be ok with having a stock villain character- the story I really wanted to tell was my protagonist's, after all. Even if the villain is a satellite character, it didn't matter because he wasn't to be the focus of the story at all. But I've since decided that that doesn't challenge my abilities as a writer. So I'm delving into his character a bit more and the direction of the story is changing. Which is ok, because I need to revamp it anyway. Go big or go home - I have decided to live by this in regards to my story. Even the fanfiction I am writing at the moment is being planned as I write, which is something I don't normally do with fanfics and they end up being big, sprawling messes. But I'm hopeful I can write a decent story. I know I have the skill - I just need the drive and the sense of commitment to do something that requires a bit more effort than I'm usually prepared to put in, which isn't an awful lot - note that my handle, while picked out in a hurry when I signed up, is nevertheless spot on. I wish I'd brought a book with me! But my current read - Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson - is a massive book and not something you happened to have on your person and ready to be whipped out for a quick read while you have a minute or two. I ordered another book a few days ago, which arrived this morning. It's a non-fiction book and I read the first few pages and it sounds good. It's called Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race, by Reni Eddo-Lodge. It's not my usual fare but I've a good amount of interest in racism and general discrimination amongst human beings, which reinforces this idea that we're s***-bags, as a species. 13:54 I didn't take this much time to write one small entry. When things happen, they happen all at once  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:26 The prompt for today asks what the worst thing is about cleaning up after a big outdoor barbecue. To be honest, I've never had to do anything after any barbecue I've been to, because the only ones I've been to have been hosted by my parents and I was still quite young at that time so I didn't have to pitch in with clean up, and it hadn't been that big of an event anyway. My sister and I held classes from home for the Muslim kids of our community for a few years and, when my son was born, I said I wanted to honour this event by making one day a little unusual for the kids. So we had a barbecue. But because we were pressed for time - the class had only lasted for an hour and a half - our brother did the barbecuing for us beforehand. So there wasn't much to do. One of the kids who used to come to us to learn had special needs so her mum always stayed with her and she's a lovely lady so she stayed to help out. Lazy git that I am, I managed to avoid pitching in On a side note, let me squee about the book I'm reading at the moment. I was first introduced to Brandon Sanderson's novels a few years ago - actually, probably the year my son was born, thinking back on it now, so that should make it easy to remember! I started out reading the Way of Kings, the first book of the Stormlight Archive, and it was surprising because although I have read some doorstopper high fantasy novels, I didn't think I'd find it interesting on account of the opening just throwing me straight into the midst of the story, with all these details about the world Sanderson had crafted. But it was a pretty interesting world. I kept reading and I loved it. I've read a few of his other works, although I didn't much like Mistborn. I guess I just didn't find Vin very relatable, although I was intrigued by Kelsier - like most of the fandom, I'm sure. Anyways, yes, the book I'm on right now is the third of the Stormlight Archive, called Oathbringer. It was released a couple of years ago so finding one that was cheap enough for a poor person like me to buy without feeling massively guilty has taken some time, although my search wasn't particularly frantic. But now that I have it, I am so excited! I can't wait to finish, but then I don't want to start because then it'll be over too soon! I did start but I've not allowed myself loads of time to read it because I don't want to get through it too quickly. I'm trying out the idea of letting the story sink in, bit by bit, so I can remember more stuff as I progress. I'm learning to analyse the stories I read too, in an effort to help my own writing. I'm not yet sure if that detracts from my enjoyment of the story - I suppose I'll be able to tell as I read on! 21:45 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:27 This is a tricky one. Do to make guests leave my barbecue without kicking them out? Culturally, I think it's pretty much a taboo to tell guests to go. In fact, you ask them to stay when it looks like they're about to go. We're very big on hospitality in South Asia - not to say other people aren't, but I'm not that familiar with others' cultures as much as I am with my own. Even if you have plans to go out somewhere and guests arrive at that time, it's an unspoken rule that you will prioritize your guests over whatever you need to do or wherever you need to go. I guess if it's a life or death situation, you might get out of it...maybe. So, how to go about politely making guests leave? Drop hints as soon as they've eaten - "There's a lot of cleaning up to do! I best start getting on with it!" or "I think the little one needs putting to bed. It's quite late." That's the only way I can think of. I would never say anything to my guests approaching the question of when they're leaving. It just doesn't feel right. In other news, I'm hungry! I'm keeping the fasts that I missed over Ramadan. Trust me when I say it's a lot easier in the holy month! There's a community spirit and you know you're not the only one having to abstain. Right now, though, I'm on my own. Everyone else is eating and drinking as they please. I want to get a few more done and then maybe I'll put them off until winter, when the days are shorter. The idea behind fasting so soon after Ramadan was that there are still traces of the Ramadan routine so it wouldn't be that difficult. It hasn't been - it's just that I can't get up for the pre-fast meal on a morning anymore so I wake up hungry and then just get hungrier over the course of the day. But only a few minutes to go now! In fact, I'd better wrap it up and go prepare! 21:38 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 18:15 The prompt for today asks participants to list 5-10 songs that they would have playing at their barbecue. I'm sure I've mentioned somewhere that I don't really listen to music, as such. I listen to songs but typically songs with no music, which are usually Islamic. I like Zain Bhikha and Maher Zain. Zain Bhikha just takes a me back to my childhood. I love his stuff, even some of the new songs he's put out for kids. Maher Zain is something of a new voice - I have no idea how long he's been active but I've been listening to his stuff for a few years now. The traditional Islamic songs that I knew were in Urdu and often quite sombre, with lots of drawn out vocals, but Zain Bhikha and Maher Zain are quite modern. In fact, I would say that one of the ideas behind these songs is to provide an alternative to mainstream music, so that it resonates with young Muslims and has a positive message, but people have accused them of sounding too popy (poppy? Popish? Pop-like? Popesque?) Oh well. To each his own? One song I really like, which I would definitely have at my barbecue - if I was one to play music at any get-togethers - is Who I Am, by Zain Bhikha. It's not religious in nature - rather, it's about the young people of South Africa finding their identity in the wake of Apartheid. It's a great song. Although I say I don't listen to music, I was watching a Chinese drama some months back and one of the background songs in it caught my attention so I looked it up. It's called River, by Bishop Briggs. Half the reason why I like it so much is because it's called River and that's the name of the protagonist of my novel. Yeah... 18:30 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:24 Yesterday's prompt asked participants to put together a menu for a barbecue and today's asks us to list some activities we'd have at this barbecue. Er...Water balloon fights? For the kids, of course. There would be plenty of screaming by the adults when the kids try to throw them at their parents. Fun times! Maybe one overzealous kid can get the hose and try to spray everybody, resulting in being grounded for life. Poor kid, doing time when he's so young. Of course, I've never had a water balloon fight or seen anyone have one either, but it looks like good fun. And as an "adult", I'd have to be responsible and keep the kids in line...where's the fun in that? I want to be one of the ones throwing the balloons and getting grounded for life! I mean, if you think about it, I'm doing the time already so I might as well commit the crime! Everyone needs to live a little! ...On to real activities. The kids would probably play tag. That's all I can think of which the typical boring adults that I know would allow :\ If it was in my parents' yard, they'd have the option of going on the trampoline, but I don't have one. I have a dirty-looking swing and slide set which has been there since before I moved in, but one panel in the fence has come down and, knowing my husband, it will never get fixed so...You know what? I was going to say that the kids wouldn't be able to go on the swing/slide because the neighbour has a massive dog and we Asians typically don't like dogs, but forget the swing/slide; we'll have to cancel the whole barbecue until my husband gets that fence sorted! Two minutes left! In other news, I am considering getting another kitten so it can keep Dean busy. Poor kid, he's frequently left alone. And yet more news - I have found another counselling charity to apply to for my counselling, but I forgot to talk to my tutors about it while I was in college today so I'll have to email them instead! Another thing on my extensive to-do list that I must remember to do! It's for a bereavement counselling charity so I don't know how I feel about that, but I really need a placement so whatever goes! I'm very easily moved so I don't know if I'll be able to handle it but...I gotta try at least! 21:35 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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