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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 17:18 So, into week two of the June blogging challenge! This time, I must list the dishes I would have if I was holding a barbeque. It's been forever since we had a barbeque! I would love to host one - something to mention to the hubby, since he's the chef in the family. I don't like cooking. I like eating, but I don't like having to make things myself. For the barbeque, I'm thinking chicken tikka, lamb chops, chicken fillet burgers, kebab skewers...my mouth is watering. Have mercy, I'm fasting! T_T I haven't done my ten minutes but I'll call it a day. My little one had a potty emergency so I've lost my momentum. 17:32 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:22 The entry for today has been inspired by one of the prompts I did last month for the 30 Blogging Challenge and the prompt asked participants to mention something about which their opinion had changed over time. I had my college journal entry to do that day so I didn't really explore the question in much detail. But while I was walking to my mum's yesterday, I had a thought - like you randomly do - about how my worldview has changed. In my teens, I was obsessed with the idea of being pessimistic - almost as if that was something to be celebrated! I wanted to be a glass-half-empty kinda gal and why not? My life sucked...according to me only. I was convinced my parents hated me and my teachers were out to get me and my friends weren't really my friends...a typical teenager, basically. I didn't see the goodness in people - I shunned people if I could. I didn't hold any particular hostility towards any individual but I accepted that people on the whole were giant douchebags who couldn't be trusted. The world was a miserable place and anything that celebrated the world and the beauty of it and the ingenuity of humanity was scorned by me. Even now, I remember an advert that used to come on TV about a laundry detergent or fabric softener or something and, in this advert, the music was some old-sounding song about the clouds having a silver-lining when the sun breaks through and at the end of the song (or the advert, can't remember which, maybe both?) the last line was "As far as I'm concerned the world is such a lovely place!" and the only reason why I remember this is because I ridiculed it. "As if the world is a lovely place! Wake up, you stupid woman!" Yeah...Pretty weird. But I moved on from that. My religion teaches me to be hopeful, to have faith (does this count as a pun?) in the goodness that people are capable of and that pessimism can be damaging. God created us all and God created everything else too, with a plan in mind and the might to see it through without a hitch. Being pessimistic doesn't affect that plan in any way whatsoever and neither did it protect me from the evil that people are capable of. Rather, it is more fitting for me, more beneficial to me - and to others around me - if I have a positive outlook. I want to help people and maybe make a teensy fraction of a bit of difference in that grand plan. I don't yet have the courage to do so in any meaningful way (can't even hold a decent conversation without pausing and wondering if I've offended anyone) but I want to. It helps me to think better of myself and when I think better of myself, I understand others better. When I understand others better, I am able to see the beauty of the world. 21:40 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 11:31 Even though the blogging prompt challenge I'm doing for this month doesn't include weekends, I want to keep up with my own daily blogging...so here we are! I don't know what to write about! I'm yawning my head off as I type. Why am I always so tired? T_T Yeah, sure, going to bed at one in the morning and then rising at a quarter to eight is a tad short of the minimum seven hours I should be getting, but I'm always tired. This morning, my kitten was loudly meowing away and scratching at the door to be let into my bedroom. On the other side, my son was slamming the side of his cot into the wall and banging on every bit of wall he could reach to get me up. There's no rest! My God, wouldn't teleportation be an awesome power? I'd just take my bedding and go to some quiet, warm corner of the world and get a decent amount of rest! On the subject of powers, I've just remembered. On Eid a couple of days of, my nephew and cousin were having a heated discussion about what houses they thought they would be sorted into in Harry Potter. I like to rant about the fact that Pottermore sorted me into Slytherin. Slytherin! Twice I took the quiz, and both times I was sorted among the snakes. What the hell, Pottermore?! Not cool! I'm a Hufflepuff, without a shadow of a doubt! Still, I know why I was sorted into Slytherin. It's because one question asked what powers I'd most like to have and, of the four answers presented, I chose mind-reading. I'm curious about how people's minds work so having a power like that would be ace! Pottermore judged me and found me unworthy of Hufflepuff :( On a side note, doesn't "Hufflepuff" sound like a Pokemon? "Hufflepuff? Huffle, Hufflepuff! Hufflepuff?! HufflePUFF! Huffle...! PUFF!" *KO'd by unbreakable pink bubbles* 11:45 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 16:40 The prompt today asks participants to list the top 10 things to do around their locality. Frankly, seeing as I don't get out much, I'll be glad just to make it to five. So, top five things to do/visit around where I live, which is in Wakefield, West Yorkshire. These are in no particular order: 1. National Coal Mining Museum - pretty self-explanatory, I suppose. 2. Yorkshire Sculpture Park - a massive park where one can see sculptures. Also quite self-explanatory so I shouldn't have bothered with the explanation. You know what? I'll just stop with the explanations altogether. 3. Wakefield Cathedral 4. Hepworth Art Gallery 5. Sandal Castle ...and I've run out of places to visit. There are other places, like Thornes Park, but I'm sure every town has that kind of thing. It's just a park with massive fields and a pond...somewhere in its midst. Quite scenic. It was also joined with one of the local college campuses...once upon a time. They shut that campus sometime in the past couple years, from what I understand. What am I even talking about? In other news, I downloaded DuoLingo in an effort to bolster my language learning. Learning in a new way might help me to take things from Memrise on board. 16:53 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 12:05 The sprint challenge for today asks what my favourite method of travel is. I like walking and I walk where I can, although I often get lazy or I'm too tired and rely on family members giving me lifts. If it's far, I ask my husband to drop me off. If he can't, then I go by train. I like travelling by train. For a girl who feels very uncomfortable driving out of town herself, trains are very convenient and also give me a sense of independence. My first train ride was when I was 16 and I joined a writing group (which is also the reason why I started to think about my writing seriously), so trains also have an association with my writing. It was also the first time my parents let me travel by myself so, again, it gave me a sense of independence. Travelling by train can also be quite scenic and, upon joining the rush of people going into and out the train station, also quite good for people-watching. I hope that was a sufficient exploration. For a while, I wrote my entries without watching the clock. Now I'm back to that. Maybe I don't like prompts as much as I thought I would? 12:16 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 23:37 The prompt for today asks participants to find 5 songs about vacation and pick one to base a vacation on. In all honesty, I am damn tired. The only reason I bothered to blog was because I didn't want to let down my over-a-month blogging streak. The entry might not be very long but at least I did it. I don't really listen to songs much - those that I do listen to are usually of a religion nature. Nothing about vacation in any of them, as far as I'm aware. I'd search for them but I'm struggling to keep my eyes open as I write this - I just cannot expend any more energy on anything other than getting to bed. It was Eid. I've been up since morning and got five hours of sleep last night. Anyway, I'm going to call it a night. I'm so tired so I can barely keep my head up as I type this. 23:44 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 22:19 Design my own week-long cruise, you say? But I've never been on a cruise! The closest thing I have to this is watching Disney's Suite Life on Deck and...yeah. If I could go somewhere though, I guess I'd like to go to Saudi Arabia. The Muslim heartland! It's like a distant dream to go there. I guess from there I'd like to go to Jerusalem as it hosts one of our holy sites. Then maybe Turkey and, from there, Italy. I've always wanted to see Venice! That would be one hell of a cruise! 22:35 the only reason I took so long to write this entry was because I got lost on Google Maps. Who needs to go on a cruise when you have the world in the palm of your hand?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 16:01 I'm currently sitting in a hospital waiting room, awaiting my turn with the phlebotomist. You know what's a good place for a vacation? Anywhere that isn't in a hospital! I just had a blood test last week and they want another one! What a pain! Moving on, if the timings of my entry are a bit off, it's because I might have to stop halfway to go and give some of my precious lifejuice away. They're vampires, I tell you! Vampires! ...Moving on once more, my ideal vacation would be to actually stay at home...without my husband or child there! What a treat! Unfortunately, it doesn't happen very often. I'm still holding out hope though that my husband will take the little one with him when he goes to Pakistan next month...Or was it the month after? My memory is not what it once was - too much useless junk stored up there, perhaps, clogging things up and making it hard to shift things around. Back to the prompt, I would love to travel. I did my bronze Duke of Edinburgh's Award (the expedition bit of it anyway) and a handful of us went trekking through Welsh countryside (with one memorable stop at a beach). It was beautiful! I absolutely loved it (although the walking got to my arthritic legs at the time). And it was so out of my comfort zone! I rarely get out of the house nowadays. I guess I should step out of my comfort zone a little more and go and see the world. My view of it right now is shaped by the many global atrocities that seem to be on the news every other day (if even!) so I'd love to be able to take in the beauty and experience the more humane side of humanity. If only. 16:13 Guess the wait for the queue is longer than I thought it would be! |
| 23:00 It's been a busy but lazy day. I had a cake order and spent the majority of the morning dealing with that. I was standing for so long that the old back pain started to flare up. I was exhausted - not that I'm not right now. My nephew was over too. I didn't get to check things off my checklist until just a couple of hours ago - I took some time to have a nap just so I won't be falling asleep when I do my long prayer in a little while. And I feel like the biggest jerk because I was mean to my kitten. I caught him wandering about on the kitchen table and it drives me nuts. He's still small so he's only recently learnt to jump from the floor to the table, although mostly he relies on chairs that haven't been pushed in. Anyways, yes, I need to calm down and understand that one cannot discipline a cat like a child...not that I'm doing very well in disciplining my child. Basically, I scream a lot. My God, wouldn't it be so damn relaxing if my voice just goes for a few days? Maybe I could learn to stop breathing fire down his neck for every little thing he does wrong. Or maybe I need to get out more. Or maybe he needs to get out more. Away from me. My husband will be going to Pakistan soon so I'm hope he'll take the little terror with him. It'll be good for both of us. And that's a wrap. Time to pray. 23:13 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 20:37 Progress today Will be even slower than usual as I'm writing one-handed on my phone. As is family tradition, the whole family has gathered at my parents' house for a Saturday get-together. I feel like a useless lump when I come here - I barely move from the sofa. At least my brain isn't suffering because of a never-ending stream of videos, since I've banned myself from YouTube. Hurray for small victories. The fast opens in about thirty-five/forty minutes. I had a little nap and have yet to do my late afternoon prayer...time is running out! 20:47 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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