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 |  Take a look into the world as I see it. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blog header made by my good friend ~*~Damiana Returned~*~  "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." ---Edgar Allan Poe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Traditional Gemini Traits Adaptable and versatile Communicative and witty Intellectual and eloquent Youthful and lively On the dark side.... Nervous and tense Superficial and inconsistent Cunning and inquisitive ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** LIKES  Talking Novelty and the unusual Variety in life Multiple projects all going at once ReadingDISLIKES Feeling tied down Being in a rut Mental inaction Being alone Liars** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
I think that I might have an ulcer or something. I have been getting reflux. This morning I woke up with heartburn and a sour stomache. I had to bolt up out of bed and throw up. Jerry thinks that I forced myself to throw up.  Okay, back in July I had a problem with bulimia, thanks to Jerry and his evil secrets. I am over the bulimia now. When I threw up this morning, there were specks of blood in the bile. They were dry heaves since I didn't have anything in my stomache. After I had a bowel movement, the heartburn went away and the need to barf went away. I have been extremely stressed out and very emotional in the last almost 4 months. I have a plan to get myself better. I will eat more veggies since I haven't really been eating any, and I will eat a more balanced diet and exercise more. That should get rid of any health problems I have. I do not want some doctor putting me on drugs for acid reflux and depression. Drugs do more harm than good and I refuse to take them. |
I had a pretty good day. Work went decent and it wasn't too stressful. My review forum won another awardicon! 
I have had headaches ever since I got home. The co-worker that drives me home, smokes, and I think that it might be what's causing my sinus headaches. I am grateful that she's willing to help. I don't want to ask her not to smoke, because she's being nice enough to take me home, besides, it's her car and I can't tell her what to do. |
Jerry and I have called a truce. We are no longer fighting and we are civil with each other. I have started paying for half of the utilities, which is the way that it should have been. I am going to remain here until I can afford to leave. My first order of business is to get my eyes checked out and to get a car. My goal is to get a car, save up money, and get into an apartment in Battle Creek or Kalamazoo. I definately don't want to live with relatives. I want to prove to myself and everyone that I can fend for myself and not rely on anyone.  |
I don't get why I fall further behind everyone when I do more reviews. When I do less reviews, I move further to the top. I have done around 60 reviews this weekend and I drop back over 20 spots. Weird.  |
Well, it looks like Verizon won't shut us off until tomorrow. By then, Jerry will have paid the bill for the phone/satellite/internet. So when I get home, most things will be in working order. And I won't go a day without WDC or tv.  |
This has been an uneventful day. I just got done doing 30 reviews. It took me most of the day too. I am tired. LOL! I didn't do anything else all day, except for going to the grocery store. Nothing else to report.  Sorry to bore everyone. |
| I'm still here! Jerry seems to think that they won't shut it off until Tuesday. That's a relief. Hopefully they still won't shut it off on a weekend. |
Effective tomorrow, my internet service will be shut off until Wednesday the fifth. I just got paid today but won't be able to pay it until after the holiday. I am sorry for any inconvenience this causes for anyone. I guess I will miss out on all of the fun events.  Until then, I won't be able to do reviews or anything. I am seriously bummed out by this. I will see everyone on Wednesday! |
| This is the worst day that I have had out of this week. First I will tell you what happened this morning. Jerry and I got into another fight. I found out that he is still seeing her. He didn't say those exact words, but he didn't deny or give me a straight answer. I pretty much baited him........I guess. Maybe it isn't any of my business, but I still think that it's inappropriate for either one of us to date other people while we are still living under the same roof. It's gross. I know that what he does is none of my business, but it's the matter of being appropriate, which he never is. He pretty much pissed on his family and friends advice. He cares more about his dick than anything else. I will not be over Jerry until I start dating again or if I sleep with someone else. I am a very moral girl, but I think the only way to get over Jerry would be to have sex with someone else. Moving out will help too, but it still doesn't make it that much better. Everyone is different, and everyone deals with break ups differently. I wish people would stop getting on my fucking case about this and telling me that what the asshole does is none of my business and that I should just get over him. I will not get over him until I am moved out and/or I date or sleep with someone else. No one knows what I am going through because they are not me! The other thing that really annoyed me today was the fact that I am still having trouble digesting food properly. It keeps wanting to come back up. It's one of those things that sneaks up on you, and you end up puking in your own mouth.  I refrained from eating too much because of the reflux that I have had since lastnight. I had a little snack and that tried to creep up on me, but I kept it from doing that. This whole thing is frustrating, and it's pissing me off. It must be the stress and poor diet that's doing this to me. Hopefully I can get out of this bad situation as soon as fucking possible. |
| I was sitting here at the computer just now and my mouth filled up with vomit. I didn't even feel that I had to throw up. I do have a little heartburn though. Maybe that's why that happened. Oh well. I thought that I would share that scrumptious image with everyone tonight. |
| It just burns me up when people can't be patient in life. Even if a person has to wait only two seconds they act like they're going to die. I just wrapped up my auction from less than a week and a half ago. This one person that bid on some items contacted me just two days after the auction ended and whined because she hadn't heard anything yet. I asked her to give it until Sunday and if she hadn't heard anything then I would contact them again. So I emailed them yet again and she emails me early this morning, and whines to me again. She said that she is disappointed with my auction and that she didn't feel like waiting anymore, but she wasn't going to ask for the gps back. I replied back to her apologizing for the delay in not being contacted. Then I told her that I can't control what people do, and if someone tells me that they are going to donate something, I have to take their word for it that they will follow through with their donation. So I said, here's your gps back. Then I said nothing more. I just reimbursed her for the total amount. I was a good girl and did my part and tried to make it right. I haven't heard anything since I sent the gps back. I feel bad that she didn't get contacted, but in a way I don't, because I have no sympathy for impatient and whiney people. Yes, we all whine. I know that I do, but that is just in my blog and no where else. Also, I am one of the most patient people in the world, except when it comes to getting settled down and having a family, which hasn't happened yet, lol. That's a different story though. Getting back to my main gripe. I think a reasonable time to wait for auction prizes is two weeks to a month. I once had to wait almost two months for an item that I had bid on, and I was very patient about it. I wasn't worried about the gps, because to me it was about helping out a fellow member on this site. Isn't that what community is all about? Helping others? But I know in order to keep a good image, you need to follow through on your debts/promises, but at the same time not blame the moderator of the auction (that being me) just because someone doesn't follow through. I know that because I am the moderator of the event that it does fall back on me. At the same time, I need to be given a break. Like I said, I can only do so much on my own. |
| Oh my God. I had assholes all day today. I know that in a CSR world you will get that from time to time. This isn't my point for today. The day was going somewhat normal for the most part, besides having your everyday assholes, I get this lady that calls in wondering who signed her up for this stand alone voicemail package. I told her that is was by the name of so and so. And she says that was her daughter. I continued to tell her that the only way that they can get our service was by registering online and manually putting in their information. She told me that she would put me on the phone with her daughter. I dreaded this part because all the while I was talking to the mother she was screaming out oscenities because her mother had questioned her about it. So the daughter gets on and starts cussing me out. I told her not to swear at me or use that type of language with me, and she says, "I will use whatever the fuck language I want to and I will treat you however I fucking want you bitch." I told her several times to put her mother back on the line, and I told her several times not to use that fowl language. She couldn't have been more than 15 years old. Her mother didn't even discipline her daughter for talking to me the way she did. Her mother is probably a bitch too. Not only was the daughter fowl-mouthed, she was kind of talking in a ghetto type slang. I hate that kind of talk. It drives me nuts that the kids of our generation don't know how to speak proper english. It sounds stupid. It's the ghetto language and the profanity that she used toward me that pissed me off. If I had a child and I saw that they were disrespecting an adult or elder, he/she would get a swift back-hand to the mouth, plus they would be grounded from every privilege that they had including tv and friends. I certainly wasn't raised that way. I was raised to honor and respect adults. I never mouthed off to an adult like that when I was a child or teenager. This girl is one of those unruly teens that you would see on Maury Povich. That was what she was acting like. I blame the parents mostly for how their children turn out. This kid will probably be one of those that ends up in prison or something or dead at a young age. Kids seem to behave badly more and more with every generation. I don't know what's happening. I don't know if it's because mothers are home less and less because they have careers and don't spend enough time with the children or if the fathers aren't around to rule with an iron fist. It could also have to do with friends that might be a bad influence. Who knows. Maybe it's all of those things. I refuse to believe that it's a genetic dispositon because I think that is total bullshit. My mother was a bad seed and I never ended up being like her, and neither of my parents graduated high school and I did. If I have children, I will not allow shit like this to go on in my house. For they will regret the day that they crossed me! |
| I had a pretty decent day today. It went by fast for a Monday. Thank God! LOL! Mondays are always the longest days out of the week. Jerry bought me breakfast this morning on his way to dropping me off at work. He was paying me back for not bringing home food lastnight. He kind of felt bad I guess. I can't wait to get my first full paycheck. I am going to get new glasses and contacts when that happens. God knows that I need them, among other things as well. Then in a few more weeks, I am going to try and finance another car. So that I can at least get out here. If I don't go home, I can always rent short term through private owners or something, maybe that will keep the costs down. That's only assuming I can afford it. They gouge the crap out of you here in Florida. This is hurricane valley after all. And look at that, I hardly bitched about Jerry in this entry, lol! In the mean time I am still healing from my fainting episode on Thursday. My nose still hurts, and my glasses feel like they weigh 20lbs. I still can't figure out how I hit my nose on the right side and tore my pajama leg on the left side. It was really weird. Oh well, I guess I will never figure that one out. |
| Jerry went to help out the Knights of Columbus, that's what he said he was going to do anyway. He's been gone since 9:30am this morning and isn't back yet. I don't know what to believe anymore. He's an asshole, and I hope he gets every bad thing that he deserves. He left me here without food to eat all day. He works at a pizza place, and earns a ton of tips every night. Instead of putting food in the house, he blows it all on booze at the bar, every single fucking night. He's a horrible person that deserves nothing but horrible things. I have been starving all day and have been trapped in this hell-hole. As soon as I get paid, I will be sure to fill the fridge with food and Jerry won't be allowed to touch any of it. He can waste away and starve for all I care! I think that he's out banging that whore that I found out about last month. If he is, I will make damn sure that all of his friends and business aquaintences find out. Including the Knights. I hope they bar him from the organization. Someone as perverted as he is, doesn't deserve to have that type of a power. I know that we have been broke up for 3 1/2 months now, but the least he could do is show some sort of respect for me. I totally blame him for my collapse the other day. |
I am still feeling wiped out and tired. I went to bed around midnight lastnight. I just woke up. I am still on the dehydrated side, but I hope to fix this problem soon. Jerry came home at 3:30am. I was ticked because he woke me up by making all of those noises. I don't feel the least bit sorry for him. He is one of those guys that can never stay faithful to one girl. I hope he never finds love again, because he will just end up hurting someone else, just like he hurt me. He can't resist going online, going into chatrooms and talking to other women and exchanging lewd photos with them. He's a disgusting pig. The moron accidently left his yahoo account open yesterday. I logged onto the internet and went to yahoo's site and he was still logged in. I didn't do this on purpose. Since it was open, I looked at what he had in his inbox, and surely enough, he has been trading pictures again and chatting with other girls. I logged out of it anyway because I needed to get into mine. Jerry has lack of self control and can't be without some type of sex, whether it's masturbation or whatever. I know that with all these late nights that he must be meeting up with someone at these places and then screwing them. He claims that he's just going out for beers, maybe that is the case, but if it's what I really think it is, then he is a scumbag and doesn't deserve good things in life. If he has gone over a month without it, then more power to him and good for him. But I know him, and I know what he's like. He can't go without. I know that I shouldn't care, but it still bothers me. Probably because I'm not getting any. When I get a car, I am going to do the same thing Jerry's doing, just to drive him nuts. I probably won't sleep with anyone, just go out and make Jerry wonder.  He plays mind games with me, so I might as well do the same. I probably wouldn't be thinking these things if I wasn't always cooped up inside home or work. I am probably just going stir-crazy. It's too muggy to just go outside and go for a walk. Plus I have to limit my sun exposure anyway because of that medication that I am still on. It causes really bad side-effects with prolonged sun exposure, so I have to be careful about that.In other news, my dad went to the Tigers game on Thursday and fell out in the parking lot after the game.  His leg just gave out from under him. At least he was with friends when it happened. All of the other ballpark patrons just laughed at him and beeped their horns at him. Assholes, the least they could've done was ask him if he was alright. What is this world coming to? Yes, it's his bad leg. I know that he was supposed to go to the doctors yesterday to have his leg mapped out. He is supposed to start injection treatment for the veins in his legs. I'm not sure what that involves specifically, but it should make him feel a lot better. In the meantime the doctors have him on Celebrex for his injury. |
| Something really bad just happened to me. I got up from a nap, I felt a little dizzy and light-headed and went into the kitchen. The dizziness increased when I got to the sink, and I must have fainted. When I woke up from fainting, I noticed that my head still hurt and I had hit my nose. I didn't realize it at the time, but I had a bloody nose, but I didn't break it.......thank God. I think this episode was from getting up too fast from my nap, stress, anxiety, dehydration, malnutrition, throwing up, and lack of sleep, and the fact that I am having a heavy menstrual cycle this month. All of which I blame on Jerry. Because he is the core of all of this bullshit that is happening. My cat ran into the kitchen where I was and came up to me to see if I was alright. At least he cares. All I can say is this was extremely scary to me. I am feeling alright now, just my nose still hurts. I called Jerry when I woke up from it, and told him what had happened, and he was a total asshole about it. Big surprise! Next time something like that happens I won't bother calling him. He blamed me of course and said it was all my fault. *sigh* ***I just woke up and it's 8am-Friday. I am feeling a lot better than I was lastnight. The sleep definately helped and I am feeling more refreshed than I have been in a long time. Jerry came home late as usual around 1:30am, and he woke me up and asked if I was okay. I asked him, what did he care. I am tired of him blaming me and telling me that these things that are happening to me are my fault. A lot of this is his fault and I think he knows it, he just won't admit to it. He appologized for it. That's the first time he has appologized for anything. |
| I forgot to mention yesterday that I started my period. I feel so weak and so icky. It hit without any warning. I didn't have any PMS symptoms. No bloating, no water-retention, and no breast tenderness. I have no clue as to why I didn't have any symptoms. Especially with all of the stress that I have had to endure for a month and a half regarding the whole ordeal with Jerry. It started yesterday......the only thing I really felt was a feeling of nausea, like I was going to puke or something. The first three or four hours I soaked two tampons. It started off heavy and hasn't let up yet. I thought for sure that I wouldn't have a period due to the stress and malnutrition. My period was about 5 days late though. Stress can do weird things to the body. Today Jerry is dropping me off at work and I will be taking a bus home because Jerry is due at work at the same time I get out. So you can see the conflict in that. I have to take three different buses to get home. My only concern is that I end up at the right stops and I make it home alright. I am so scared.  |
| I think that they should put a new definition for "asshole" in the dictionary. I think that they should put Jerry's full name in there. Because that's what he is, and then some. We had another fight this morning and another one when we got home from picking me up from work. Part of the fighting was due to my new job. He didn't like that fact that I was working part time at Michael's, but then when I get a full time job, he bitches. It's like I can't win any battles with him. He goes out of his way to be mean and pissy toward me. He's never happy and you can't please him. Then the fighting on the way home and when we got home involved the same thing, and the fact that Jerry thought that I was trying to be intimate with him. First of all, I DO NOT want him! Secondly, I am not trying to be intimate with him or trying to get him to sleep with me. Why the Hell would I put myself through that or let him use me like that? I wouldn't. Plain and simple. I DO NOT WANT HIM! The only thing that I am trying to do, is be nice, civil, and fun, like a friend would be. Now, I don't think I even want to be a friend to him. He's too much of an asshole. I have a plan to get the Hell out of here. It will be a little more slower than I would like, but it will make me happy in the long run. I will work as long as I have to, to save up money to get a car....first and foremost. Then I will save up enough money so I can move out. I also plan on getting my eyes examined before I leave the state of Florida. My grandfather seems to think that I am better off staying here if I can find decent work, because the economy is shitty in Michigan. I don't want to nor do I have the desire to stay in Florida. I have no family whatsoever in this state, and I don't really know anyone down here. I don't feel as though I fit in. I will make sure that I have a job with a company in Michigan before I leave here. I want to make sure that I have a car and money to hold onto a job and apartment. I can't very well get a job if I don't have a car. You can't be successful in this world without a car, unless you are within walking distance from work. |
| And you never really get over it. I am talking about breakups. I will probably never get over this, unless some "Mr. Wonderful" appears out of no where and loves me a million times better than Jerry ever did and treats me a million times better than Jerry ever did. It will take a long time for the pain and the tears to completely go away. The only thing that will get rid of it completely is if I meet someone that will sweep me off my feet and romance me like Jerry never did. People always tell me that I don't need a man to be happy. Which is true to a certain extent. Some people are happy being alone and single, and some are not. I am one of those that's not happy being alone. I crave, need, and want companionship. I don't like doing things alone. I like to have fun, laugh, love and share great things with the man that I am with. I know that I will probably meet someone awesome one of these days. Hopefully it won't be too late by that time to fulfill my lifelong dreams. Maybe. Hopefully. |
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