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 |  Take a look into the world as I see it. |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blog header made by my good friend ~*~Damiana Returned~*~  "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." ---Edgar Allan Poe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Traditional Gemini Traits Adaptable and versatile Communicative and witty Intellectual and eloquent Youthful and lively On the dark side.... Nervous and tense Superficial and inconsistent Cunning and inquisitive ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** LIKES  Talking Novelty and the unusual Variety in life Multiple projects all going at once ReadingDISLIKES Feeling tied down Being in a rut Mental inaction Being alone Liars** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
I talked to my dad again tonight. His leg is getting worse and his appointment isn't until Monday. He had an appointment this past Monday but he had to cancel because he had all of these other errands to do and couldn't make it on time. Dad told me that in addition to his varicose veins, and his torn ligament, he admitted to me that his health is failing. I did not want to hear this news. He is only 49 years old and shouldn't be so unhealthy. He's still young and shouldn't be having these problems. He stopped smoking over 4 years ago and that should've made him a little bit healthier. He drinks, which has probably contributed to his ill-health. I know that he doesn't doesn't drink or get drunk as much as he used to. According to my sisters, he is looking awfully pale and sickly. Last year when he came down to Florida to visit for the first time, the whites of his eyes were yellow. I was in shock. I barely recognized him when he came out of the terminal. Maybe with this upcoming surgery of his, when they do the preliminary blood work they might find whatever's wrong with him and fix it. If it can be fixed. All I know is that I may be without a father soon if his health doesn't get better.  I was upset and Jerry asked me what was wrong so I told him what else was wrong with dad and how I might lose him. It was a mistake expressing my feelings, because........... Jerry said, "All you ever do is react in a negative way and never think positively."  Okay, my father is basically the only parent that I have ever had. If I lose him my life won't be the same. I will feel like an orphan. You would think Jerry would understand what I am going through. When Jerry and I first met, he called me on the phone crying because he thought that his father had a stroke, but turned out to be a failing gallbladder. I was there for him through this and I was there at the hospital with him when they wheeled his dad in surgery and through the recovery. Then last year when his dad had the skin cancer on his back that turned out to be malignant melanoma. I was there to comfort him and hold his hand through that tough time. Never once was Jerry there when I went through the rough times, I mean except with my tumor, he was there for that. But when it came to family members on my side he would just blow it off as if it were nothing. This is all the more reason for me to leave this dirtbag. I need a man that is going to hold and comfort me through sad and rough times and be there for me when I am feeling down and need a shoulder to cry on. |
All it has been doing for the past two weeks is rain everyday. I have pressure in my ears and in my head. It hurts like a mother-fucker! I wish that we would get some decent weather for a change. It gets tiresome seeing the same thing every single day. My allergies combined with my sinuses are wreaking havoc on my mood and health.  I can't wait for this to end. |
My sleep is screwed up all over again. I didn't fall asleep until 4am this morning. Great. I have to work tomorrow too.  I need to get my internal clock straightened out before it's too late. It's making me feel like total utter crap! My normal bedtime used to be anywhere from 11pm-Midnight, now it's like 3-4 hours after that. I hope to get back to normal soon. |
| Barry Bonds hit his 756th HR. I am not sure what to think. They say he's on steroids, on the other hand there has never been any proof that he's used. It's exciting but at the same time there is this thought at the back of your mind, "Is he using steroids?" That thought will be on my mind forever. Who knows, and who am I to judge? I don't accuse until the facts are known. |
I won a third contest over the weekend! 
~AND~ I received a merit badge for participating in the Yellow Case Weekend Raid: ![Merit Badge in Teamwork
[Click For More Info]
For outstanding work in the [Link To Item #1300305] s Review Party Activity](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/general-Teamwork-210.gif) |
My auction is going greater than I expected. I hope it continues to increase in popularity. 
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Jerry got a full time job and he starts tomorrow. Thank God......a whole fricken day to myself in 4 weeks. I can't believe it!  I am still currently looking for a full time job. I have an interview on Friday for a health insurance company in Customer Care or Customer Servce. Hopefully something good comes out of it. I have my fingers crossed for this.He just got home and told me that he may not take the job because it's straight commission. I can understand how he feels.......I was in a job like that a little over a year ago. Straight commission sucks balls. So much for my day off tomorrow........*sigh* lol |
This morning I got up to get ready for work. I was brushing my teeth, and ended up gagging on the toothbrush. It was so intense that I threw up several times from it. Jerry got all pissed at me and asked me why I was throwing up. I told him that I had choked on my toothbrush from scraping my tongue.  I can't understand why he has such a gigantic bug up his ass and why he continues to treat me like shit. He needs to get off of my ass and leave me the hell alone if he can't say anything nice. He told me that I am way too sensitive and that normal people don't throw up from brushing their teeth. Oh. I am not normal. And I suppose someone who exposes their private parts on the internet and exchanges nasty pictures of themselves is more normal than choking on a toothbrush?  Please.I had another conversation with my dad tonight. We had discussed Jerry again. Dad said that I might need to date someone a little older than me to get the desired level of maturity that I want. I think he might be right. Age doesn't always guarantee maturity or stability. But I think my dad is right this time. I need a man who knows what he wants. Jerry is way to passive for my taste. I need a man who can stand up for himself and the woman he loves. I don't think that there was ever a time when someone said something bad about me and he's ever stood up for me. No one has said anything bad about me, not to my knowledge anyway. But I wouldn't doubt it though. Jerry kind of goes along with what everyone else says or does. It's like he can't think and act on his own. He only does when it comes to his dick. I need a man with morals and integrity, who knows how to treat a lady. |
I talked to my dad tonight. My sister Sheila got into another fight. I am cringing and laughing at the same time. Dad told me that this girl came barging into her friends house illegally and started to flip out. The girl knocked the air conditioner out of the window, and started to tear the place apart. She also assaulted Sheila, and put my niece in danger by going ballistic in the house by knocking shit down all the while my niece was sleeping on the couch where all the chaos was going on. Sheila got all pissed and physically threw the girl out of the house and started to beat up on the girl. She broke the girls eye-socket and nose, and probably other body parts as well. Sheila is only about 115 pounds, and this other girl is about 150 pounds. I guess size didn't matter in this case. The only injury that Sheila sustained was a broken hand. Sheila called the cops and the girl was arrested for breaking and entering, assault and child endangerment. I guess Sheila will be going to court. I hope Sheila doesn't get in trouble for any of this. I am proud of Sheila for standing up for herself. I certainly wouldn't take that shit. At the same time I am worried that she might get thrown in jail too. If the other girl aggrevated the situation, then Sheila shouldn't get in trouble. That's how it should be any way. I swear, Sheila was a hockey player in another lifetime.  There is a lesson in all of this......don't mess with a Meeth girl, you're liable to get turned inside-out. When Jerry came home that fateful night when I found out about the "whore" that he was sleeping with (even though we were broke up, but were still intimate), I slapped him really hard accross the face, then I slugged him in the gut for duping and two-timing me. He deserved it, and I will never appologize for it. He can thank his lucky stars that he didn't get worse from me! |
I have several goals this week. One of them is to lose more weight. I will start off by walking at least 30 minutes to an hour everyday. I need the endorphin rush to have more energy. I will also drink more water (at least a gallon) everyday. I also need to start going to bed early and devoting at least 8 hours per night. Lately I have been going to bed at 3am or so every night, which is not good for me because it's making me feel like crap. I am also severely dehydrated. My behavior lately must be the stress that I have been going through in the last three weeks. I need to take better care of myself. Another goal will be to get a great full-time job that pays me what I am worth. Wish me luck on all of my goals for the week! It may not be getting away from Jerry, but this is a start to a whole new me!  I am still going to work as fast as I can to get the Hell out of here because I am having a miserable time. |
| I won in two contests this weekend! That puts a huge smile on my face! One is for my blog from the "Bards Hall Contest" and the other is for one of my contests from "Best of The Rest". I won second place in both.
It's about time something good happened to me!  |
My auction has officially started! Come and see all of the cool stuff that I have up for bids! Thanks!
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| Lately with everything that has been going on in my life, a lot of members on here keep asking me the infamous question as to why I am hanging around WDC all of the time if my life is in such turmoil. I have an answer to that. First of all, I am not going to let this situation with Jerry get me down. Secondly, I have so much support from great friends on here, that has given me the strength to move on. I think that when I get back to Michigan, I am going to start a new blog, assuming that I have finished this one. It will be a great start to my new life that I will have. |
I will be participating in a Yellow Case Port Raid today. This should be really fun. I can't wait! I do have to grab a shower first though. So I will be back later. Ciao!  |
| I wonder how my cousin Melissa is fashionably late! and her new bundle of joy are doing? I don't want to call her because I am sure that she has enough to do already. No sense in bugging her. I'm sure she's fine. |
| I just wanted to remind everyone about the upcoming auction this Sunday. There is still time to donate items or gps........50% of the proceeds go to the "Angel Army", please have a look! There are many items to bid on; Awardicons, merit badges, reviews, sigs, upgrades, and much more!
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| I Hate My 30's? Well, this year has been like that for me. One bad thing after another. Losing my car to a drunk driver in broad daylight on a Sunday of all days isn't my idea of a good year. Then breaking up with someone that I have been with for nearly 4 years isn't what I expected either. I thought that I would at least be married by now with one child anyway. However it does make me feel better in the fact that there are other women & men out there that are older than me and still aren't married or have children. It leaves hope for me that there is someone just for me out there. So far my 30's are nothing to brag about, even though I just turned 30 less than two months ago. I am still not thrilled at what this age has presented me with so far. I still have hope though. On the bright side though, Jerry has left for the night to go help out the Knights of Columbus at the baseball game. I was actually relieved when he left, which is a weird thing because I usually feel anxious when he leaves. His sleep is still screwed up too because he keeps staying up until 8:30am. It's his fault. He's always snapping at me which always gets me riled up and makes me insult him. Hey! It's his fault that he stays up all hours of the night watching stupid crap on tv, and looks at the internet all night. Don't go biting my head off just because you can't live like a normal human being! |
How much longer will it be before I have a full time job again? This is getting ridiculous. The longer I am out of work, the longer I will have to put up with this steaming pile of cow manure that I live with. It's getting more miserable by the day. I can't stand it much longer. I hate the fact that Jerry is moving on with his life, but I can't. He has a car and I don't. He goes out whenever he pleases while I sit at home, bored out of my mind, not to mention sexually frustrated.  It's like he enjoys torturing me. I think that he likes the fact that I don't have my own means to get out and do my thing. I feel like his prisoner. He also wants me to remain here and work until he wants to leave for Michigan, which is sometime in November, only so I can feed his face. Well, I have news for him. I am NOT staying until November. As soon as I get a full time job again, I am going to save every dime for my moving expenses. In the mean time, if he wants money, he should ask his mommy and daddy for money, or perhaps his special "friend" could lend him some. |
| Jerry had the nerve to ask me if I would sell some of my stuff so we could have more money. Excuse me, I think that I have sacrificed enough in this sorry excuse of a relationship that is no more! If anyone should sell anything, it should be him, not me. Besides, I would only make sacrifices if we were still together, but since were not, I don't have to do squat for him anymore. I suggested to him that he sell the engagement ring. He said that he would probably only get $100 out of it. I don't know why he is so reluctant to sell that thing. I mean, what are we going to use it for? It won't be for us, and he can't give it to another girl because that's just bad luck anyway. I have money, but the only thing that it will go for is gas, food, and laundry. Gas will be used for shopping and going to interviews or work. Nothing more. I am sticking to my guns. |
All it has been doing is raining for the past 7 days or so. It's making me tired and sleepy.  It's rather depressing, not as depressing as the other stuff that has been going on, but almost right up there. I would've been on yesterday if the internet had been working. Apparently Jerry did something to make Internet Explorer switch off. Thankfully he called a friend of his and he walked Jerry through on how to get it back on. Now I can search more diligently for work, so that I can get the hell out of here. Everyday is a constant hell and struggle to be here. Hopefully soon I can get out of here. |
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Happy Birthday! 
The only weight you'll lose via sweating is water weight.