%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Take a look into the world as I see it. |
|
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Blog header made by my good friend ~*~Damiana Returned~*~  "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." ---Edgar Allan Poe ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Traditional Gemini Traits Adaptable and versatile Communicative and witty Intellectual and eloquent Youthful and lively On the dark side.... Nervous and tense Superficial and inconsistent Cunning and inquisitive ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** LIKES  Talking Novelty and the unusual Variety in life Multiple projects all going at once ReadingDISLIKES Feeling tied down Being in a rut Mental inaction Being alone Liars** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
It's been a rather uneventful day today. Work is good. This is the first stress-free job that I have ever had. The great thing is that I don't have to be on the phones or deal with customers. Maybe that's why it's not stressful. I am having a lot of fun.  |
Hello! I have a new auction, please come and check it out!
Thanks!  |
| Well, my vacation from Jerry will be over with in a few hours. Yep, that's right. Jerry will be coming home today and I am not thrilled about seeing him. Not after the conversation that I had with him yesterday. I am not in denial anymore. I pretty much made up my mind about him back in May when we first broke up, I just had to mull over the facts and how I felt. Given the way Jerry has treated me in the past few months, it has been easier to deal with. I don't have too much respect for someone like him, or people who act like him. I know that there's someone out there that is more loving, caring, and not a total pervert. I left Jill a message on her cell phone yesterday to wish her a Happy 25th birthday. She called me back about 3-4 hours later to tell me 'thanks'. In the conversation she told me that I should come home. I told her that wouldn't be too far off because I told her that Jerry and I broke up and that I will be moving back home soon. Jill told me that she had always hoped that I would leave Jerry. She told me that Dad told her the kinds of things that Jerry was doing on the internet and all the bullshit with the webcam. Jill says that Jerry is undeserving of me, and that I am too nice and too pretty for him. She basically said that I am too good for him. I can definately say that she's excited that I will be coming home. She was all like, "We can hang out together!" LOL! I didn't know anyone had missed me that much. I am very glad to know that I am still loved and missed. I am excited to be going home. |
| I have made a decision once and for all. I am not going to care about Jerry anymore or how he feels about me. I am going to do things for myself and not worry about him. I think that I will definately move back home. There is nothing left for me here. The main reason is that it's way too expensive for one person to live by themselves in Florida. The other reason is that I miss being around my family and all the fun I used to have with them. I will probably end up living in Battle Creek or something. It's a great area to live in, and I can have my indepedence too. I can't wait for my new life. |
| Jerry called me this afternoon. He told me about his interview with the Waterford Wave. They want him to come on board. Jerry pretty much has made up his mind about us. He wants a break from me. I guess I shouldn't care, but I do. He told me that down the line we might be able to get back together again and repair things. He was telling me about this friend of his that broke up with her boyfriend and they got back together after six months, and that they dated people in between. This is the part that I feel weird about...........I don't think that I could take Jerry back after he has stuck it in somebody else. Just the thought of him being with someone else shoots a pain through my heart. He asked me if I hate him, and I told him that I didn't know. Then he said that we will talk more when he gets home tomorrow. I just asked, "What more is there to talk about, you pretty much said everything, what hasn't been said yet?" Then he just replies, "I guess you're right." I felt like crying. I actually did a little, but not too much because I was in public when he called me. I know that lots of people go through this same exact situation even though they have dated and slept with others. I just can't see myself letting Jerry back into my life if he does something like that. Maybe if I were to sleep with another man, maybe that would break that thought process of not wanting to be with Jerry again if he slept with someone else. Or maybe I am just a unforgiving stuck-up bitch. Am I weird for having these feelings?  |
My new job is going great and I am getting lots of praise for catching on so fast and being to work on time. I am well liked and get along with everyone. Stick that up your tail-pipe Jerry!  I think the reason why I didn't or couldn't keep my previous jobs were because the jobs simply weren't for me or because I took them because I was desparate for money, and was going to leave anyway once I found a job that was well-suited for me. Jerry just never understood. I think that he's an idiot for that. He's an idiot for a lot of things. It's been since Monday when I last heard from him.......I was pissed off at first, but then I thought that Jerry can just piss off. I am totally over him now. I would now like to broadcast that Jerry admitted to me last week that he's afraid of lightning........ I told my dad about Jerry hating thunderstorms, and being afraid of lightning, and he said that Jerry is a pussy. Those were his exact words. I for one love thunderstorms and think lightning is cool.  I need a real man, and by real man I mean, a man who is not passive, not a wimp, honest, willing to admit when he's wrong (when it really counts), and takes care of the woman he loves (not necessarily money-wise), knows what the hell he wants out of life (realistic desires), and stands up for his lady. Bottomline is.........I HATE WIMPS! I need a real man who will show me how things are really done in the bedroom. |
This is my first holiday alone. It feels weird, but not that weird. I am not in much of a celebrating mood anyway. Not with everything that is going on. I didn't hear one peep from Jerry today. He's probably all bent out of shape because I stood up for myself lastnight. I sent him a couple of text messages, but as usual he didn't reply. I can see clearly now that this is the end of our relationship. If he truly cared, he would contact me in some form. What an asshole. I am making plans for my future without Jerry. I have looked into getting an apartment near where I work, or staying here until I have my own car, then moving back up to Michigan. My life will be brighter and happier without him. I am sure that I will find a man a million times better than Jerry. I am thinking of venturing out and meeting other men to see what I have been missing what Jerry hasn't been giving me. I don't think that I really know what it's like to be with a real man yet. I am tired of being neglected. I don't think that I really need a man. I am tired of him blaming me for everything. He accuses me of giving up on us, but at the same time, it feels like he has given up on me with his actions. Every man that I have dated has failed my standards of what I want, and Jerry is one of those. I think that I have failed as well.  |
Since lastnight I have been pondering about what I want out of life. I deserve the best. I am tired of Jerry being self-centered!  These are the things that I want: 1) A man that will love me for who I am, respect me, and will let me be myself. The man that I marry will be trustworthy and sweet, and not a controlling jackass! 2) A man who will own up to his mistakes, not justify or try to hide them. 3) Independence (I can have independence even if I am with a man) 4) Security 5) My own car. Jerry has no say in what kind of car I will get. Since he considers us broke up, he can't tell me what to do anymore. 6) A job that I love, which I currently have. I will not let Jerry wreck that. 7) A beautiful family with lots of babies. I am tired of living with a man who only thinks of himself and blames me for everything that is wrong in the relationship. Hey, I am not the one who lied the whole time and hid the fact that I was taking obscene photos of my privates, posting them on the internet for the whole fucking world to see! That is the very thing that started the disintegration of our relationship was the lying. I don't appreciate liars. It's one thing to tell a harmless white lie, but to tell the kind of lies he did, is an abomination to any relationship. I am tired of being blown off as if I am not important or what I have to say is not important. Jerry has shown his true colors as to who he really is, and I don't like what I see. I don't want to have children with a man who will set a bad example for them. He has a nasty temper, he's a pervert, is controlling, and thinks that he is perfect and that he never makes a mistake. He never apologizes when he knows he's wrong. I want a man who will own up to his mistakes, not justify or try to hide them. |
Jerry has a retreat to go to the very next day after he gets back from his trip. I originally called to see if he was going get a ride from one of his co-workers, and he snapped at me, and had the nerve to accuse me of yelling at him. He told me a long time ago not to make plans for the 9th and 10th because he needs the car to drive down to Treasure Island with his car. We only have one car at this present time. I think that me having a full time job that will support us, is more important than some dumbass retreat. So I get a full time job that pays pretty decent, and I tell him when I get home from the interview that I got the job, and all he can say is "Cool", just in a plain voice with no excitement. You would think that he would be happy, but that just goes to show you that he will forever be an ungrateful ass. I have never felt appreciation from him at any point in our relationship. He sounded sleepy when I called him too, I bet he was drunk. That figures. Before he left he said he was going to stay liquored up the whole time he was up there. That's stupid. Why would someone want to do that? That doesn't sound like a very fun vacation to me. I am sure that he's up there telling lies about me, and making himself look like the perfect angel. Knowing him, he will come home in a bitchy attitude too. He's a hard to please guy. When I called him he kept interrupting what I was saying and I had to raise my voice at him. He never lets me talk.  If he comes home and calls it quits, then he never really loved me in the first place. Each time he calls, he doesn't sound like he's ever in a good mood, he talks in a mono-tone voice and doesn't sound cheerful. I always thought that vacations were supposed to pep you up and make you feel relaxed.  |
4th of July cNotes for everyone! A wide variety to choose from!
|
I went to an interview today. Guess what? I GOT THE JOB! Go me!  I start tomorrow. It's $10/hr and it's weekly pay. It's basically a manufacturing company that makes flashlights, pens, stuffed animals, coolers, brief cases, etc. My job will be to proof the orders, make sure everything is spelled right, and the customer information is correct. I went down to Michael's where I am working part time, and told them. I didn't quit, I just told them that I am unable to work this week. I told them that I will call and let them know week to week whether I will be coming in. I am not the type that just leaves a job, whether it's full time or part time. They were very understanding and nice about it. I figured that I would stay on as a part time employee for supplemental income incase I need it. On my way back from Michael's, I stopped at Wendy's for something to eat, I had my window open and a damn bird flew by and crapped on the edge of the window, barely hitting the sleeve of my shirt. I was lucky. The last thing I need is a drive-by pooping! |
| I don't know what it is with Max in the past few days. But whenever I sit or lay on the sofa he will sit in front of me on the floor and just stare at me for no apparent reason. Maybe it's because Jerry's gone and some how he knows that there is a problem between us? Animals can sense when something is wrong. Maybe Max does? Jerry hasn't called me since Friday afternoon, so it's been a couple days since I have heard from him. Maybe it's for the best. I know that Jerry needs to decide whether he wants to start fresh with me to build our relationship back up or not. I know that miracles can happen, but I don't really believe in miracles, because they just don't happen with me. I care about Jerry's decision. When it comes down to it, I still love him. I believe that anything in a relationship can be fixed as long as there was no filandering or physical abuse, which neither of these things have happened, and both people have to want the same thing. I still can't figure Max out. |
| I have come to grips with the situation. I am not worried about Jerry's decision anymore. If he decides that he doesn't want to be with me anymore, then that's fine with me, it will be his own loss. I know that I will find a full time job and be able to live on my own. I have survival instincts, he just doesn't see that. When I do find a job, I will just find something close enough to where I could walk to work, until I have saved up for a car. I will be alright. I am no longer afraid to be alone. Once I walk out of Jerry's life, he will never see me again. I will also cut all communications to him off. I don't even want the occasional 'hello' from him. I feel that I need to cut all people out of my life for now. I know that things could still work out, but I am not holding out hope anymore. I am not giving up or anything. Just prepared for the worst. I am tired of head-games. I will be alright! I am pretty sure that his answer will be something l won't like. He is so predictable. He just can't handle a committed relationship with one girl. He gives it a few years and then wants to get out. Typical. I don't think that he loves me anymore. Maybe he never has. But, I will be alright! I just hope that he isn't taking some amateur advice from one of his friends that have no clue about women or relationships, afterall what would they know? Jerry should only be listening to positive advice on how to fix a concern or problem. Advice from divorced people isn't a great idea either. I believe that any problem can be resolved as long as either one has not cheated or physically abused the other. Just my thoughts. |
| Well, it's day two without Jerry. I sort of miss him. It's nice to have all this time without him. It will give me time to think and it will give him time to think about what we need and what we want. I think that it's important to listen to your heart and how you feel. I have an interview on Monday first thing in the morning, it's at a temp agency, but it's a direct hire if I get the job. I told Jerry about it yesterday, of course he objected, but I was firm with him that if I am offered the job that I am going to take it. He actually backed down and said, "Okay." For once he listened to me. I hope that I get this job. I really need it. |
I won another contest! Look what I won! First Place!
I have also written about his better-half, grandma Betty. Perhaps her story will win an award someday.
|
| I just got home from dropping Jerry off at the airport. He won't be home until July 8th. It will be nice to have the time alone. At the same time, I will need to search harder for another job. I think that I will look further, and maybe try jobs in Tampa. At least it will be full time and it will pay a lot more than what I am earning now. Jerry and I argued again before leaving and on the way to the airport. I wish that it could've been a more pleasant departure. Maybe this time away will rejuvinate Jerry while he is gone and he won't have that big ass pole up his ass. But I won't get my hopes up. Maybe being around his family is what he needs. He hasn't seen them in three years straight, and I saw my dad just 9 months ago. Maybe that's his problem, plus his work too. I hope this vacation helps him clear his head and helps him figure out what's really important in life. |
| I keep asking myself, "Why can't I get a good job with a reputable company that pays well without having to do telemarketing?" I am tired of companies putting up smoke-screens when it comes to what they are truly looking for. In the newspapers they will put down customer service reps, when what they really want is a telemarketer to sell useless and annoying garbage to poor unsuspecting people like you and me. They need to be more specific in the paper. If it's a telemarketing position, that is what it should say it is, not pretend and mislead people into thinking that it's something else. I have gone to many interviews and jobs thinking that it was for customer service when it was actually a garbage/bullshit job. I became a victim of that this morning and my time was wasted. Telemarketing and Customer Service are not one in the same! I think that companies should get in trouble for misleading people for fraudulent advertising. Is there really something wrong with me, or are there just too many assholes out there? I am so qualified for customer service/clerical positions. But the thing is, I can't find a damn thing. All I want is a full time job where I can support myself, pay my half of the bills and still have money left over to spend on myself. I keep praying to God that he will help me find a job that is right for me. I look everywhere for jobs that I can do. Sometimes I never hear from anyone. A simple, "We've already filled this position, thank you for applying" would suffice. It pisses me off more when I don't get a response at all. I am getting frustrated. If I don't find a job by the middle of next month I will be left homeless. |
| What the hell is wrong with people these days??? I just read on Yahoo! that some couple in New Zealand wanted to name their new baby, "4real". If you ask me, I think that these parents are screwed up in the head or something. I think that it should be considered a form of child abuse. Anyway, here's the article: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070622/ap_on_fe_st/odd_new_zealand_baby_name ENJOY! |
| I had a job interview yesterday. I thought that it went well. I passed their tests with flying colors, including the typing test. The initial interview went smooth, and then the interview with the manager went well too, or so I thought. They both left me in the room alone to talk it over amongst themselves. The first interviewer came in and told me that the manager was on the fence about hiring me. She feels that I wouldn't be a great fit for the job that they are hiring for but would like to place me some where else in the company. It would be a $1.50 less than what I would have initially made in the original position that they are hiring for. Excuse me, I know what I am capable of and what my abilities are. When I first interviewed with Hilton, I came in with no customer service skills what-so-ever, no experience at all. Hilton is a hard ass company to get into, but I was hired right on the spot. I don't understand what the big fucking deal is! They pretty much told me that they have other interviews for Friday and that they would get back with me. They also said that they would like to place me in a different area, they just don't know where yet. Yeah right! After hearing that from them, I don't know if I want a job from them at all. Besides, I think that that was their way of blowing me off. I am tired of being looked upon as the last resort for things. I am tired of being under-estimated by everyone, including people in my personal life. Sometimes I think life isn't worth living if people can't have confidence in you, strangers or loved ones. I am tired of feeling unworthy. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Happy Birthday! 
The only weight you'll lose via sweating is water weight.
