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My musings, my rambles and I welcome you. |
   LIVE WITH INTENTION.  WALK TO THE EDGE.  CHOOSE WITH NO REGRETS.. DANCE IN THE LIGHT APPRECIATE MY FAMILY & FRIENDS.  |
| I miss Hawaii. I miss BLUE skies and WHITE sands and the protective cove I used to swim in for fun. I miss knowing everyone in my church. I miss diversity in action. I mean you can talk a good talk but in Hawaii for the most part people have made it work. Of course these are just memories. I have no idea what is going on now. I miss my old job and friends at work. It had its critical moments but the pace was slower sometimes maddenly. I know everything has changed. They were moving and had a new boss, so things would not be the same. I guess what has brought these memories up is that I was thinking of going to my local beach. It doesn't have white sands,blue skies or protective coves. In fact the rip currents makes a terrible swimmer like myself sit on the beach. Not that I would consider throwing on a swimsuit in public at my now grand size. This beach is more touristy than my old one. Just this year, they are charging for parking. A walk on the beach will now impact my budget. Sigh |
| Ugh. Another review with spelling error and grammar mistakes. "I can't stand it" as Charlie Brown would say. One reason I like the Writer's Cramp contest is that it is mostly judged on how well you follow the prompt. Of course the judges help with errors but it doesn't seem to impact your chances unless the errors are really bad. Anyway this is not an ad for the Writer's Cramp. In another contest, I had misspelled a word even though spell-check here said there were no errors. One word looked wrong but I'm not the best speller so I let it go. Of course it came back WRONG. I checked it again. Same answer. Finally used Word spell-check. Guess what. I was WRONG. Big surprise. Just an aside, does anyone have paperback dictionaries anymore? I know grammar and spelling are important. I want people to understand what I am saying. And I have seen the extreme. An another forum I visit has a poster who can barely spell and uses hardly any punctuation. I try to skip his stuff because its like trying to read Klingon or something. It's hard to skip them, when others are posting how much they enjoy his insights and jokes. I sometimes can weasle out the meanings but not always. I can't tell if this is an affectation or this person is learning disabled. It's possible since it comes from an ADD board. I guess what bugs me is when grammar can change the intent of my story or poem. When someone says 'I know you meant... but it says this because..." kinda tears at my heart. I feel my soul shrinking because that where my words live. Sounds dramatic I know, and I guess in the grand scheme of things it shouldn't matter but.......it does. I know this is a small rant, but I am trying to write everyday and today is the 1st of September. I have started living and dying by the reviews so I need the practice. So this is my practice rant. "From my close observation of writers...they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review, and 2) those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review." ~~~Isaac Asimov So I guess I won't be bleeding secretly anymore. p.s. no spelling errors but does spelling come under grammar now that rant is over? |
| This is a 55 word story I wrote. I added some notes at the end. SLAM! “He gone and I glad,” I tell Teddy. I look at my other friend. "Why you not wake me up? I could run. Hide. Why you not make me disappear? He hurt me. I bleeding. You ‘pose help little ones. YOU PROMISED. I HATE YOU," I cry as I throw Teddy at Jesus’ picture. 55 word story I wrote The Betrayal for a Writer's Cramp contest but I have to add a follow up. I think that Jesus hurts with us. God does not plan or create evil but people can choose to do evil. I think Jesus is hurting along with the little girl in the story. I know I didn't choose what happened to me as a child but God has choosen to make something beautiful out of my life. Especially when I let Him. Jesus is a gentleman. He asks to be let in, knocks on doors and waits for us to come to Him. Sometimes I think my bouts of depression are not just chemical imbalances but fights with God. Knowing and Doing are two different things. I know some of this is very cryptic but I hope to flesh it out when I have more time |
| Damn, its happened again. I had this entry all written and its disappeared. I mean I had it all written in my head but now poof! Gone. This is like the 3rd time in as many days this has happened. Explain this to me. Perfectly good observations,stories, what-have-you, just a jumble mess or not recognizable when I sit down to the computer. Like yesterday. I went shooting with my husband. If you knew me, you would be laughing because I never in my wildest dreams thought that would be something I would be doing. I mean I was a feminist, a Brady bill supporter, an Independent that leaned Democratic. What was I doing with a gun? How did I get here? I had this whole entry mapped out until I sat down to the computer. And Writing.com. I wanted to do an entry about how great this site and the much positive feedback I've received. But no one seems to give poor reviews. I have several poems/stories posted that are mediocre at best but if someone gave a constructive review, they would be better. I had a whole entry in my head that sounded better than this does. And the cursor is blinking at me so I will wrap this up by saying, shooting was fun. I'm hitting the paper now and soon I won't jump with the first shot. |
| This was a question posted on another message board I frequent and I thought it was and interesting question. When I read the answers this morning alot of what made them cry were movies, books, the star bangle banner, things like that. Those things make me cry but recently at work, I've been tearing up alot. When long term patients go home or when we have to have "The Talk" with the family, I get emotional. Or worse, when the patient is home and we get a phone call that they are back or worse. I used to keep it together better. I thought that Major Houlian from M*A*S*H was a good role model. At least in her professional life. I wonder, being the arm chair therapist, if her personal life was so messed up because her professional life was off balanced. As I get older, I find it harder to keep my emotions in check. Of course being free of depression certainly changes things. And maybe that is a good thing. |
| I got his book two days ago and finished it in record time. It is better than I expected. It certainly doesn't read like a blog entry. The Wall Street Journal reviews and writes better than I do so here is the address http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121755069219002901.html?mod=googlenews_wsj I have to say that the media has been "horrified' by his waiter stories. I guess I'm used to them from the blog. I was more interested in the personal stories of his co-workers and himself. Anyway my one or two readers, give it a go. I promise you won't be disapointed |
| Then in 1997: I was born in a log cabin.... Oops wrong story sorry. My childhood was filled with poverty, fear, despair, and abuse. And prejudice. I grew up wanting to believe in God but found it seemed like a lot of fairy tales and myths. I was raise Roman Catholic but I had parents who were traditionalist not necessarily believers. We were the only Roman Catholics on my mother's side of the family. My "Christian" cousins and uncles delighted in telling me I was going to hell because I was not "saved”. Whatever that meant. By the time I reached college I thought all Christian religion was bull**** . I drifted into atheism and then into the New Age movement. Finally, I took a course in New Testament writings as a requirement for the Methodist college I attended. I read for myself the the words Jesus spoke. I finished the class and prayed. "Lord, if You are out there, then I want to find You. I want to find the Truth. I need to know for myself that You are Real." About a year later, a friend invited me to a singles' Bible study. She said "Lani let's meet some nice men for a change." I found that everyone at this church had been raised Christian. I couldn't keep up. I had to read my Bible and study. Then I read ICorth. 1:20. "Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?" It broke my hard heart because I had been trying to rationalize God. Find a Reason to Believe. God is so much more than I could even imagine or know. Faith is all you have when nothing makes sense. God also has a sense of humor. That reading on wisdom found me April 1st 1989. I gave my heart to Jesus and now I am a fool for Christ. This is way too long. Remind me to tell y’all sometime how Jesus sent me to Texas and then Hawaii for discipleship. Now in 2008 I'm not so pert or so flip. Life changes you sometimes not for the better.I've had two major episodes of depression, been diagnosised with ADD, had a miscarriage and now at 47 have come to realize I may never have children. I became aware of how much I've change when Amy a co-worker asked me what kind of music I listened to. I told her Mercy Me, Steven C. Chapman and Point of Grace. When she said she had never heard of those groups, I said that they were Christian artists. She started laughing and said, "I didn't know you were a Christian." The surprise must of showed on my face because she said "I knew you were a good person but not a Christain." Now I've had many discussion of spirtural and religious stuff at work but, not with this co worker. There was a time when I was more open about my faith. But my job seems to be on one of the front lines of suffering and moral uncertainities. It wears on your soul. Sometimes I think of the Parable of the Seeds that Jesus tells. Seeds of the Word of God that fell on rocky soil, seeds snatched up by birds,seeds that fell into good soil but were choked by weeds. I feel like my seed fell into weeds. The weeds are suppose to represent the cares of this world and they choke out the plant so they produce no fruit. I haven't produced any fruit in along time. At least not at work. A place where I spend most of my time. I'm not sure what my next move is to be. Going back to church instead listening on podcast would be a start. Feels like my soul needs to be bushedhogged. The problem is that the weeds is a good place to hide from others, from myself, and from God. Time to cut some weeds |
I wrote a piece for The Writer's Cramp contest that is getting me some feedback.
It's like making pie crust too much working of the dough makes it tough. It funny the feedback have used words like chilling and horror but I never saw it that way. Creepy maybe. Horror is for Poe and Lovecraft. I suppose though this is my one true fear: To be helpless in a bed and be aware. Maybe it is true horror. |
| I saw the Today show today and the Waiter finally revealed himself. Steve Dublanica is the author of Waiter Rant which is a blog about his frustrations from his job and his customers. Its been so successful that he has now published a book about his musings. I love his site and have been a reader for several years. Here is the link http://waiterrant.net/ Its not a vanity project when the Today show calls. And he has changed how many people tip and view their dining experience. That is an effective blog and the power of the internet. He is of course who we all want to be when we grow up. Very few bloggers make the jump to real fame and literacy. I remember a blogger who was cooking Julia Child for 365 days just to see if she could. She got a book deal but the reviews were not so good. I never read her blog but the book was ok. One critic complained that is read like a blog. Well duh! I thought at the time. But The Waiter (its hard to call him Steve) had a voice and developed his writing style over several years. I expect his book today. Anyway, I want to be him when I grow up. I certainly have all the ingredients high pressure, frustrating job and blog. It remains to be seen if I have any voice or style. |
| What's this all about? 2 emails reminding me to update my blog. I've been a blogger all of 3 days and I'm being nagged? The title of the blog does say slacker soooo I guess I shouldn't worry about it. but its so odd. I just want to flirt with it. See if it felt right. Not be nagged by another nameless enty sending out reminders.Sigh.....so there its written one less nag for today |
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