%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
| (4.5)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (4.5)
|
|||||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (4.5)
|
||
| (4.0)
|
||
| (4.5)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (4.5)
|
||
| (4.0)
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
| (4.5)
|
||
|
|||||
| (4.5)
|
||
|
||
| (5.0)
|
||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Hi Christopher! I am happy to review to celebrate you. 
Oh my gosh! This is a moving story and I was drawn in right from the start where you share bad news. I wanted to know more. I was a bit slowed down by the adverb in the first sentence. I wonder how you could show "apologetically". 
You revealed your main character Sid so vividly with his actions and dialogue that showed his emotions. The situation felt realistic. The comment about the Queen really nailed his thinking even while he will eventually realize the truth.
His reminiscing about the army and the contrast with this situation was potent as this situation is one closer to his heart. The description of the ward and the picture of this vivacious woman, even while ill, was vivid and I like how you lead us into Sid's memories about how they met. It makes sense here. It was a unique relationship that he did not give up on! Cool.
I think it made sense too that he would forget a gift and then want to get the best he could for the last anniversary. The Disney Princess idea was cute and made me smile. His wife is shown to be young at heart!
His desperation to get the perfect ring was so well shown in all the ways he tried to raise money and met blocks at every turn. I can imagine his frustration. He knew she would not mind not getting such an expensive item and I wish he had stuck with that. The twist here was unexpected and dark. Wow!
The last line revealed his darker side that I did not expect, which says he might have gone a bit round the bend, not even considering what his wife would say. She would know he could not afford it. The message that grief took him over the edge was clear. Even his voice and smirk at the end sounds not like him. Well done.
The story and plot flowed in a coherent manner with lots of descriptive detail and active verbs to keep the drama moving. The mix of dialogue and narrative was effective and the historical ring was an original idea, perfect for a gift. 
I am not a pro on story writing especially point of view as I tend to be all over the map with that when I write and I could be wrong so I will just query as it occurred to me:
Just a thought.
The directions were easy to follow and it was so cool to add the ways you can prep the cookies for a pan, or even a roll and slice. I never thought of doing that. 
I was fascinated by the name of this flower so the title hooked curiousity. The picture is beautiful and adds colour, effect and realism to your description.
I can't imagine it's smell. EW!!! It is cool that smelling it is actually one of its attractions for people. I guess it is a fascination. Wow.
Your blog has a friendly vibe and shares facts and your experiences with this rare plant.
The title is evocative and a unique image about measuring. Verse two use the imagery in a meaningful way and makes a potent point. I smiled at "IQ to date"! 
Your chorus chimes clearly in a quick pace. Repeating the offending words "not enough" is emphatic and I believe it is one of the most harmful phrases in our collective thought. Bringing attention to it and then countering its effects with a new point of view in the last verse is effective and inspiring. I liked the image of "Kindness hue". Good one.
Your expression was pleasant to read aloud with its rhyme and flow. The emphatic tone in 
I could really hear the disappointment in the last line of the story. Resignation. I was hoping he had more friends that would show up! LOL And I could see the two of them pigging out on cake.
Oh, the idea in this short story is creepy and scary! That you have the government involved does not surprise me, either. 
Your explanation of how the system works was easy to follow and it was pleasant to read such lines as "The trick..." with your use of alliterative and repeated sound technique. It added to the flow. I think the word "pic's" here needs to be plural "pics". 
I miss the old phone though my mom still has a land line. I can almost feel the man's excitement with what is to come with technology. Not nice! LOL
This was an effective follow up to your other link on the Bronx! Thanks for sharing.
I so enjoyed this charming story with its tender reflective voice. Your first line drew me in as I too love old books and your description is poetic. The first part of the story was set in the past and was a lovely vivid image of this girl captivated with the book ends. Your descriptions are detailed so I could really imagine the elephants.
This sounds like a wonderful trip down memory lane! Driving with the windows down and the tunes loudly playing is so fun! As long as one can choose. Travelling with family can be problematic with all the kinds of tunes. LOL I am familiar with a few of the songs and Miami Vice though I am older than you are! 
Entertaining read.
I like how you have the narrator reflect in the moment back through his life with his wife. Your descriptions of the background story of young tentative love and the flowering was vivid and that they loved each other was so evident. It was cool that they were well matched and I laughed at the dad being glad he was not a jock! Often an idea that parents can have. LOL
It was sad that they could not have kids and so cool that they did not seek why. Love would not make it matter. I thought they might adopt. The story flowed coherently and your line about being a neurosurgeon not being immune gave the story a chilling turn, a clue to the next part of their life. You capture the hardship and sadness of the husband having to commit her and slowly losing her in a vivid way that is heart wrenching.
The last lines were so moving as love remained the connection and even she deep down found peace. Lovely. One really feels for the husband and the topic is so relevant as this is becoming more and more common. You reveal the feelings of it effectively.
Oh my goodness! This is so touching and I could feel her tears. The way you describe the precious toys and the memories they stirred are so vivid. I could really enter the vision of the children at the time they played with them. Brilliant!
The reflection tone is apparent and strong as mom travels down memory lane. And now she has this memory of letting go. A time for her too!
Happy happy anniversary and thank you for all you be and do around here to make it sparkle and shine like you, and for the laughs you share. 
I enjoyed what you did with Kilmer's poem on trees, one of my favourites! I had a good laugh at the comical nature of your verses. It fits right into Wonderland! 
The imagery is vivid and the idea of a chilli and egg tree is unique. Weird monkeys too if they eat that! LOL The poem had a nice rhyme and effective use of repeated sounds like "short i" makes for an interesting soundscape that assist the flow.
Thanks for sharing your monkey business! 
I had to at the god having Latte and reading the paper. The language is so high tone for the place too. Very comical.
The bits of rhyme add a soundscape and interest as do the past tense verbs on three lines. I liked the personification of the "thoughts out racing the pen". I have had this happen too and such messy writing can result! 
I liked the soundscape created with the repeated b sounds. The form follows a traditional haiku format well and you use phrases at first. In haiku one tries to avoid sentences, 
I could so relate to the experience you shared. Thanks for honouring the haiku form in your way.
Hail White Pawn Adherennium! I am back for the Red Queen's court to comment on your entertaining Hall way adventure! 
Wow! This was an entertaining tale that kept me reading on! I love lots of dialogue that relates the story and character and your humour shines through. I could easily pick up the innocence of Pipkin, trying to figure stuff out and the seriousness and patience of Blackberry and Bigwig's focus!
I appreciated the names of the rabbits you incorporated from Watership Down. I recently did a newsletter about this tale, so it is likely why the names ring a bell. Great connection. And I had to laugh at the Narnia reference too! Don't you love when the muse just shows up with these. I have done similarly in my adventures in this place. 
One minor typo I think. I wondered if the "small group of rabbit" should have "rabbits".
I tried to figure out what "rat sculled away" meant. 
I had not heard that expression so I had to look it up. Effective verb that fits the boat scene. I love to learn new words! 
The quip about "British public works" is priceless too!
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
I laughed at the Shock Rock Band! Nice connection to another Alice. Adding the Wonderland characters was brilliant too. The poem had dramatic elements that added to the atmosphere of the confusion of Wonderland. 
The structure was sound and the story line coherent as you take us through the experiences on the train, depot, the camp and the chamber. I was not thrown out by any major glitches and stayed involved in the story. I really felt for the man and it must have been hard when "skilled" folks felt like they worked for the enemy. Sad and yet to survive, sometimes one has choice.
Hail White Pawn Megan Rose! 
From Down the Rabbit Hole at the Queen's court, I speak!
I enjoyed reading your present tense voice and personal tone in the narrative. I enjoyed how you bring movie character references into play here. I was happy that one creature was not Jabba!! 