*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
6,857 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
26
26
Review of A Crow  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* Hi Lou! This is a review to celebrate you. I love crows!

I really enjoyed entering into this scene. Your simple language and imagery is vivid. Repeating the line about the crow is so evocative and brings attention to that creature. I could imagine the scene as I have watched crows. I had to laugh at the end to think that the crow could report back to you. So magical!
I like how you repeat key words from verse to verse. The last verse brings us back to the first in a way.

I don't think you need a capital letter on "There" In verse 2 as it is preceded by a comma and continues the thought. *Wink* Also the word "But" may not need one though you could put a period after "little". I can see you wanting to emphasize the word "but" though. *Smile* Just pondering.

Using the present tense makes this immediate and easy to draw me into the experience. Good job!

Thanks for sharing your craft. I do love a good crow tribute. *Laugh*

27
27
Review of Halloween  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight*Hello espero! I just found this seasonal poem and was impressed with the end line acrostic letters spelling Hallowe'en! Wow!

*Ghost*I was drawn right into your vivid imagery from the first line. Piles of food and blood red punch
caught my attention and was a clue to the theme. Use of words like "transcendental" is unique and adding the question in the forth line gives the reader something to ponder. *Thumbsupgreen*

I wondered if the next line should be part of the question as it seems to sit there as incomplete phrase. *Confused* maybe!

*Jackolantern* The warning tone is effective in the sixth line.

*Pumpkin* I had to read the last line again as I pondered the idea of changing "with" to "from". Just a puzzlement. *Smile*

*Star* This was fun and I appreciate the work and thought it took to create it! Wonderful. Thanks for sharing your craft.

28
28
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Smile*Hey Maryann! I had to drop by with a party favour for you! I love haiku and cows so I am happy to rediscover your humourous poem.

*Balloongo* I can so see the cow and you gazing at each other. I have eyed cows too and usually they are quite friendly...or maybe I was lucky! I have heard some are ornery. I gather from the picture you paint that you picked up the bad vibe. *Wink*

*Balloons*The form uses the 5-7-5 syllable style and has a turning point that makes me want to smile. Using the present tense fits the rule of having the event happen in the moment. I think you can leave off the capital letters as haiku generally does not use them. The lines flow together as one sentence to paint a picture. True haiku does not use sentences but phrases. Still, it was entertaining and gave me something to think about. Haiku prompts readers to enter the scene and find their own experience. This inspired my own memories of cows so I could enter your view! Made me laugh. *Thumbsup*
I wondered about why it would be silly if it was unfriendly. *Wink*

*Star* A picture of a cow would be cool here too. I can just picture it! LOL Thanks for sharing your first poem...went back in history...just like reminiscing at WDC! *Laugh*

Love and Light and enjoy the party! *Cake2*

eyestar
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
29
29
Review of Music's An Art  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Shamrock* Happy Spring Richard! Thanks for participating in our Free for All March Raid. Here is one of your reviews from your winning prize! *Rabbit3*

*Shamrock* Wow! What a fabulous feat of creating this musical lipogram with no letter e!!*Shock2* I imagine it took some ingenious thought and editing. Kudos!

*Rabbit2* I so enjoyed the way your poem flowed off the tongue with its solid inner rhyme
and variety of rhythms that felt musical. The soundscape was pleasing with your use of assonance and consonance as well especially "s" sounds throughout.

*Music1* I like the way your message shows the history of music and types and song with references to myth, history and sagas. Your words convey so many ideas. The image of the "song's coals" made me think of early peoples singing around fires and the idea of saga words drifting made me think of early bard's tales that could go on and on. I like how you describe the variance of musical rhythms too. *Clock*

*Shamrock* While I did not notice a steady rhythm, the third line I found a bit tough to read with comfort and flow... "humanity's kindling songs coals". I wondered about leaving "humanity" out as souls could refer to that...though I know the idea of humanity is important. *Think*

*Star*An impressive lipogram that engaged my imagination! Thanks for sharing your craft and genius!

eyestar

Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
30
30
Review of Meet Olivia Berns  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shamrock**Rabbit2* Happy March Mayhem, Lurie Park! Thank you for participating in our "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Raid! *Delight*


*Gold*Wow! It is so inspiring to see a young author take on writing a longer work! Good for you. I think the title of chapter one: Meet Olivia Berns is appropriate in introducing the main character.

*Tophat* You begin with the school setting and the picture I get of Olivia is that she day dreams and may be a selective mute, only speaking to few people. Or maybe shy.

*Quill* I notice a few glitches as I read aloud..so a few fixes could make it flow better.
Line 2: The verb "wondering"needs to be closer to the the "about the fun..trip.'
eg. Gazing out the window from her desk, Olivia was wondering.."
Also "fun going school trip" is missing something. *Think*
I like how you seamlessly flow in the the name of the town.

*Wink* I would drop the adverb "dumblessly" as I am not sure what it means. Comma after "Anne, on her way,.."

*Smile* I think the word "creme" in the french version. "cream" in English. Nice description.

*Delight* I like how you keep me wondering about Olivia and why she is reserved to speak. I wonder how she became friends with Jack and Anne. I notice one of the genres you use is fanfiction. Are jack and Anne from the Tree House?


*Rainbowl**Rainbowr*A delightful beginning leaving me wanting to know more.

I see you have made a book item! Yay! I will be back to read more. *Star*

Write on as you dream!
Spring Raid sig
31
31
Review of Super Toilet  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Shamrock* Happy March Sumojo! I am happy to review your item for "I Write in 2021!" *Delight*


*Gold**Rolling* Oh my gosh! This ad is so funny as well as being seriously convincing.The last line was perfect and we all would hope so.

*Rabbit* I think appealing the environmental issues and the techy aspects makes this ad of interest to a wide audience. Even compulsive cleaners would love it!

*Dchoco* The tone of the piece is friendly and inviting and you give lots of reasons why it would make a perfect purchase. Your ideas are so creative and original. I laughed aloud at the "bluetooth capabilites." *Laugh**Thumbsup*

*Tophat* I like how you add a bit of history in your reference to the inventor of the toilet and the name you give yours is brilliant. Everyone likes Super...heroes or super anything. Or a smart toilet. *Smile* Let's hope it does not have a Siri voice! *Shock2*

*Quill*I wondered about making "it will give your bathroom..." it's own sentence as opposed to a phrase. Or better yet... something like "to your home, giving your bathroom the swanky.." so it flows freely as a phrase. *Wink*

*Delight*I had so much fun entering your vision of this futuristic invention! Brilliant notion. Good luck in the contest. I love it!*Star*

eyestar



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
32
32
Review of Not Inferior  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp*Welcome to WDC and to "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group! Your reviews look great. I was drawn to this poem as the issue is so relevant in these times *Thumbsup* and it is sad that there are places where women are still considered less Than! *Sad*


*Balloongo*Wow! I love the potency of feeling in this expression as you tell it like it is in some places. I like how you give advise at the end, trying to encourage men to wake up.

*Balloonr*Using rhyming couplets was a good choice as it reminds me of wisdom poetry. Your rhymes are well chosen and your facts on the subject stark. Well done.

*Quill* I noticed a few little glitches so I will mention them to help your piece shine even brighter.

In verse 1: Man is singular, so "consider" should be "considers" and "condemn" should be "condemns" to be correct. Or you could say "he does condemn". It still can be considered a rhyme with gem. I love the image of man thinking that of himself!

In verse 5: "disdain" should be "disdains" to go with the singular pronoun "he". *Wink*

I wondered about the need for the word "human" in the second last verse but I see you needed to rhyme. *Think*

*Balloong*This poem clearly illustrates your theme and how you feel about it. I even picked up a feeling that you see some hope....if man will listen. The point about being fed by the mother should hit a heart in them, yet I suppose with years of society norms make some attitudes automatic. The world is changing though, and voices like yours are a light! *Star*

Thanks for sharing your vivid vision and craft. Keep on writing. *Starstruck*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
33
33
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Heart**Crown* Congratulations fellow pawn on becoming Queen in the Wonderland. You so deserve your *Crown*! I have fallen into your space in the rabbit hole *Rabbit2* following your progress every now and then. Now I have been sent by the Queen on an official visit and could not resist giving you some kudos! What a grand time I have had. *Delight*

*Rabbit*Wow! You are really on a roll and I have so enjoyed the entries I have had a chance to read. I was really impressed with your Haddock eyes rendition...Using all the verses! *Shock*

*Laugh* I was so amused by your Feather game (how cool) and the Jury is so creative. I liked how your used some characters from wonderland imagination. I would love to go to your Giggology class. What an amazing idea and really it is one that would inspire health and send positive vibes through the land. Great invention! *Thumbsup*

*Horse* Your poem using H's was also well composed and you got to use the words ten times each, making sense and not seeming repetitive! That is a feat. I have not managed it YET! LOL

*Ax* I was wondering about adding some colour and flair to your introduction section. Your book is well worth showing off! *Wink*

*Starstruck*Thanks for joining the adventure again with your wonderful creations this year! It has been fun. Have a *Cookie4* Queen Hullabaloo2 and celebrate!

eyestar from the Looking Glass House!

redone anniversary version without number!

34
34
Review of Wonderland 2021  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Heart**Crown* Congratulations Queen NormaJean on making it through "Wonderland in fine form! *Starstruck* And avoiding the *Ax**Wink*


*Rabbit2* Wow! Great job on completing the rabbit hole full of prompts in Wonderland. Your intro is inviting and I liked the glyph of the rabbit that sets the scene. I have enjoyed reading your entries so far!

*Cakeb* I was amused by your "Cut the Cake" and enjoyed the romantic story where you used the H words. It is quite a feat to use the words repetitively and make sense. Lovely. I am finding this one tough to do. Kudos!

*Heart* Brilliant how you made your name more likeable. Cool namesake!

*Trainbr* I had to laugh at the dog monopoly! Very inventive idea for the prompt. The trip on the train was charming and I like how you incorporated some Wonderland characters and the Goat's story about the billy goats Gruff and the nursery rhyme references like the cow over the moon! Wonderful imagination!

*Tiara* I liked your take on manners. References to etiquette I am sure many folks today have no idea. Your jury folks were interesting and I like how you used some made up characters that might live in Wonderland.

*Heart* Your writing was clear and easy to follow and your vibe is enthusiastic! Thanks for joining the adventure. Enjoy some *Cupcakev* and *Teag* and the Queen's tarts if you know where they are. Save some for us fellow pawn... we may join you if we do not lose our heads. *Heart*

redone anniversary version without number!
35
35
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Rabbit2**Teapotb* Helloooo fellow white pawn! Congratulations on your *Crown*! You raced in "Wonderland in record time. *Thumbsup*Here I am racing for the crown myself. *Wink*


*Rabbit2*It was a real pleasure to read your chapters and still have a few to look forward to later! You had unique points of view that were interesting and inspiring.

*Tophat* I thought it was a cool idea to include your love of chess by adding as many chess references as you could...and actually kept track! *Shock* It gave another layer of your challenge.

*Mushroomb*Each chapter fulfilled on the prompts in original ways and I laughed at the story of avoiding punishment. Good one! The Thimble poem was brilliant. I was convinced it would make a cool prize. {for some) LOL The alliterative work in the H tale was effective and fun to read aloud. You had wonderful detail about your jury members and I could see why they would be helpful to your cause. And yay, you managed to get a poem about chess in the chapter task: a game of chess! *Thumbsup*

*Mushroomr* I liked the cool ending of Talking with Time and your poem in the "haddock eyes" prompt had an original theme. Yummy! Well done. Your closing entry was sincere and helpful to future fellow pawns. Gifting a trinket in some of your public prompts was a generous and lovely gesture too. *Heart*

*Ax* I wondered about adding some colour and Wonderland flair to your brief introduction to the book. It deserves to be shown off! *Wink**Rabbit**Balloonp**Tophat*

*Crown* Thanks for joining the adventure with your unique style and madness. It was inspiring to watch you hop around in the rabbit hole and melt through the looking glass. have a well deserved rest and some *Cupcakeo*, *Teag* and if you still have some tarts that I heard you stole, enjoy them too...or save some for the rest of us poor pawns if we make it there without losing our heads! *Laugh*

redone anniversary version without number!
36
36
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
Happy Valentine's Day Carly! *Heartv* I am happy to review you item in "I Write in 2021" forum.

*Heartb* Oh wow! I see this is for the Cupid slam contest which seeks ratings of 1 star or less! LOL I think this is tough call.

*Heartb*Not quite a pure poetic type format ..more a storem type and it has clear and evocative message with vivid imagery. I love the peeling frame, chasm, and purgatory.You have also used some wonderful assonance and consonance that creates a soundscape that assists the flow as I read aloud.

*Heartg* The darkness of this form of love is well illustrated and the idea of cupid being not such a good love symbol is awesome. The painful results of his work is potent here.

*HeartBroken* You might have messed up the punctuation to have the poem be less easy to follow. LOL The poem has no form as even the free verse is broken up.

*Heart*The mood is strong and you really create this Cupid in a horrid way.

Thanks for sharing your loveless creation! *Laugh* I enjoyed the vision.

eyestar
** Image ID #2237315 Unavailable **
37
37
Review of In time  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight* Hi bas! I am happy to review your item in the "I Write in 2021" Forum!


*Smile* I enjoyed reading your flash piece and how you set it up with the present and a flashback. Your opening line made me curious as to why the building was important and I had to keep reading to find out what the character who felt triumphant was up to. He could have had dastardly plans. So it was a good mislead. LOL

*Fairy* I wondered about the word "rose quickly" in the first line. Or maybe if you say "had risen quickly" it might sound better. And you need a comma after "over the city, over Pearson." I think the "I" is missing in "“Sir please, am sure you ." Niggling typos! *Wink*

*Smile*Your flashback covered a lot of vital information that made me feel for the character. Your use of the prompt here makes total sense and gives the impression of how this big corps work at times. I liked the surprise at the end and the last action of Smith! I was glad there was not something more dastardly. *Wink*

*Smile*I like the contrasting emotions shown in the story and glad it had a happy ending. It is a relevant theme I think too as fate has twists to it. *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing your vision and good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

redone anniversary version without number!
38
38
Review of Lovely Day  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Welcome J. Legacy. I am happy to review this short story. I really like the positive vibe of your reflection. Being in the moment and looking for the good can send good vibes to the world too. I think our perspective has power. *Smile*

*Balloong*The repetition in the first three lines "What a" feels poetic and adds a nice flow to the read. I wondered about putting the word "feel" before "the rays...". *Wink* I see that your repeat beautiful and lovely which works too. I might wonder about other similar words for variety in such short piece. Yet it still works to get the idea of gratitude and how you feel about the day. eg. What a gift it is to see the sun... etc. *Wink*

*Star* Thanks for sharing your vision to uplift us all. You could put "Experience", and Philosophy as Genre choices too. *Smile*

Happy writing!

redone anniversary version without number!
eyestar
If you like to review, check out "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
39
39
Review of A Perfect Circle  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Happy 2021 and Welcome to WDC Kris! I was intrigued by the tag line so here I am!


*Delight* What a wonderful read. I was hooked by the imaginative first line. I could really hear the voice of your main character and liked the number of names he addresses death with! Personifying death and making him confused was a brilliant ploy. The descriptions were vivid and the raised eyebrow speaks volumes.

*Balloonp*Dylan's logic made sense as you build his case, almost convincing us. The twist when the mist comes was so effective! Great how you got that line about 'time waiting for no one' in. *Thumbsup*
The tables turning makes a nice circle as the confidence changes places in the end. In Dylan's response "Oh" I felt his defeat. I thought it was cool that Death had patience and Time did not! *Laugh*

*Star* The mix of dialogue with a bit of narrative was effective and the conversation moved the story along coherently.

*Quill* I would drop the word "seemed" in "seemed pleased" as it is better to be direct and certain. He either was or was not pleased. It gives it more potency to have him just know he is right. Also I think the adverb "thoughtfully" is redundant. We know he is thinking as he is engaging in philosophical conversation. *Wink*

*Starstruck*Your story kept me engaged and I enjoyed your vision. Thanks for sharing your craft.

eyestar
If you like to review and earn gift points check out: "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
redone anniversary version without number!
40
40
Review of Friendships  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp* Happy 2021 and yay for your entry into the Party at the Cramp!

What a delightful read and I liked your comparing some friendships to short stories. You really captured what belonging to WDC friends can mean and I am glad you are finding inspiration and support. I have found the same! *Smile*

Your short story uses the prompt words in a meaningful way and I enjoyed the personal content with its positive vision at the end. I smiled when I read you did not know what a free verse poem was. *Smile* There is lots to learn here.

Thanks for sharing and good luck in the Cramp! Keep on dumping the doubt and negative memes. Remember NOone Can be you like you can. *Heart*

eyestar
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

redone anniversary version without number!
41
41
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Snow4* Hi Prosperous snow! This moving piece popped up on the Read and Review page. The title struck me as I thought of how internet gives such an opportunity and yet still not like being present at a place.

*Snow5*Your words struck emotional chord as I could feel the sadness of the distance from the grave and also the unknown bits of your father's life. I know as family members pass on, so do the stories or experiences that we may not have known to ask about at the time.

*Snow3* I like how you begin with the gravestone script centered and then follow with a free verse reflection. It has a personal voice and aura. The image of the rose that will not be put on the grave is vivid. Using Father's Day is evocative too as our minds do think of our dad's then.

*Snow2* It is so moving that the poet has knowing and faith that prayer reaches its destination regardless of distance. The image of sitting at the computer and praying is a wonderful one. I think my dad is buried with his parents back in a village near Quebec. We never did go there.

*Snow4* Thank so much for sharing so vulnerably. Peace.

redone anniversary version without number!
42
42
Review of A Horse Tale  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight*Happy New Year Dorianne! This cute little limerick showed up in the Read and Review page. I like horses and just watched the movie Secretariat recently so it was fun to check out your poem. ood play on the word "tale". I laughed at your tag line too! Cute! *Laugh*

*Balloongo* Your limerick is well written with lively rhymes and rhythm. It was fun to read and the second line is suggestive of a moving horse. Cool to use that long word "thoroughbred".
I grinned at the last comical line as I could well imagine how he might go home and relax in a tub with a rubber ducky. LOL Though I know it can also mean "darling". *Smile*

*Balloong*I had fun entering your vision with my imagination. I like how we could all have our own picture of the kind of show the horse might do...strutting his stuff! *Laugh*
Thanks for sharing your gift.

redone anniversary version without number!
43
43
Review of Not new to me  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* Welcome Gen42 to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you. *Balloonr*

*Balloongo* I was charmed by this inspiring vision painted with a few words! I enjoy nature and being part of it raises my vibrations. It feels like the poet is in the present moment..of being with it all. I see how living and dying are all part of the same flow. At least that is what comes to me as I read your words. *Wink* It feels like a shamanic dream.

*Balloony*The free style suits the theme and content. The repeating in the last two lines is effective too. I was drawn to the first two lines..appealing images to begin with. "breathing the sky" is expansive idea.

*Star*Thanks for this lovely vision! Keep on writing and enjoy WDC!

redone anniversary version without number!
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann
44
44
Review of Set Me Free #2  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloongo*Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you. *Delight*

*Balloono* Wow! In this short verse you capture what anxiety feels like in a vivid way. I could imagine the speaker sitting there hiding within and the inner termoil of the mind. It has an intense tone and the punctuation assists the read.

*Balloong* I wonder if you need the word "constantly". and I think you can drop the "there're" in "there're playing" as we already know it is the thoughts playing. It would make the line flow better too. Also, it should be "they're". *Wink* "Ill" needs an apostrophe: I'll.

*Balloonv* The free verse style suits the theme and emotional content. The one inner rhyme with "head" and "dead" is perfect for emphasis. Your use of some assonance also adds to the soundscape when I read it aloud. {eg. repeating long e, long a, ing,} Good job.

*Star* Thanks for sharing your intense vision and craft. Whew! *Thumbsup*

Keep on writing and have fun here.

redone anniversary version without number!
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann
45
45
Review of At the Playground  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight* Happy New year whiskerface! Here is a review to celebrate you! *Balloong*

*Balloongo* What a wonderful lyrical expression that was fun to read aloud. I could really visualize your personification of words! I can say I have had that experience too.. hard to get them to settle on a page! *Laugh* It reminds me of a tumbler full of coloured beads that you shake around!

*Balloonr*The limerick form is well constructed with effective rhythm and rhyme. It has a playful tone and a comical outcome as is a feature of the form. *Thumbsup* The pauses in mid lines add a dramatic effect too. I smiled at the word "playfullest". *Cool*

*Starstruck* I had fun entering into your vision here and I am sure Carly appreciated it as well! Thanks for sharing your gift.

redone anniversary version without number!
46
46
Review of Everest's Wish  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*Balloong*Welcome to WDC Espen! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Smile* Congrats on posting your first item, new author.

*Balloonr* The title gives me the idea that the story will be about someone having a desire for something special. The story starts out well but is unfinished as yet.

*Balloongo* I like the character's name as it reminds me of Mount Everest...and seems a heroic name. His nickname is cool too. You set the scene clearly with an ordinary place and we know he lives with his mom so may be a teen or child. Using the present tense makes it accessible in the now moment.

*Balloonv*In line 2 I would drop the gerund form "calling" and make it direct. "Ver" his mum calls, using his nickname.

*Balloonr* I can't wait to hear what his mum wants. You leave us wanting more..
I wonder what his dream or wish is too. *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your story starter. I am rating it as average as I feel it is still a work in progress. *Wink* Keep going!

Write on and have fun at WDC! *Quill*

eyestar
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

redone anniversary version without number!

47
47
Review of Seize the Day  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight* Happy New year kiya! I agree with the philosophy of your title!
The prompt certainly challenges you to come up with good reasons to get up! LOL


*Fairy*I enjoyed the image you created and it made me feel the heaviness of facing the world that can be full of woes. Effective words like "woes and wiles" are vivid descriptive of the darker aspects. I like the alliterative quality as well. Your use of repeated "f" and long "e" adds to the pleasing soundscape when I read aloud.

*Fairy2*I have never heard of this form before so thank you for the link about it. Your rendition is well constructed with correct syllables and emotional tension. I love the video highlighting your poem. *Delight*

*Balloonp*The idea that the struggle is eternal does not sound peaceful and the phrase after the Seize the day, puts me in mind of a spiritual warrior! Brilliant.

*Star* Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. The poem is well worth the winning prize. *Thumbsup*

redone anniversary version without number!
48
48
Review of My Psalm  
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy anniversary month ruwth! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*


*Angel* Wow! What a great idea for a theme: expressing exaltation in a psalm like the ancients. I enjoyed reading it aloud and it covers the important aspects of what God is to you.

*Angelic* Your first lines are brilliant images to begin with and I like how you use past tense and then switch to present...setting up a timelessness to the relationship with the divine. The end notion is evocative too as it illustrates how much we receive. if we open..even gratitude returned. *Heart*

*Angel*I wondered in the key line in the third last line..if "one" should be capitalized to emphasize that idea. Or maybe italicized? *Wink* It would give us an effect when reading aloud.

*Star* I always liked the idea of "heart in his hands" and glad you could use it. Good alliterative flavour too.

Thanks for sharing this inspiring and uplifting psalm!

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
redone anniversary version without number!
49
49
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**Snowman*Happy days Leger! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star* Thanks for all you do and be to make WDC keep shining!


*Snowman* I was scouring your port for a winter theme item and see I have reviewed already your gorgeous wintery poems! *Heart* So this was the next best thing! I love creative and funny cnotes. Your doorway banner is so appealing and sets the theme and purpose of the shop.

*Snowman*This shop is a brilliant part of your Snowball Fight activity to support RAOK! I know I have had a good time sending and receiving these thematic cnotes. I like the variety of images and phrases, how some are gentle and some have a note of devious..like the Heh heh, one and the monkey one. *Rolling* That could continue a snowball fight. I laughed at the robber snowman and the DOH!. His face is priceless.

*Snow4* It is cool how you found images like Winnie the pooh and the monkey with snowball! Having some animated selections is brilliant too. Each note has charm and the fonts suit each theme. I love the variety of fonts that suggest feelings. Elegant and professional. The light blue colour is a suggestive winter tone as well!

*Snowman* The cost is perfect to allow folks to purchase for continuation of the snow ball fight. And all go to a good cause! Thanks for contributing to the community. *Heart*

Thanks for all you be and do and I hope you have many more fun years here.*Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
Super Power Raid sig


50
50
Review by eyestar~
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonr**Snowman* Welcome to WDC J. Legacy! I am here to do a review to celebrate you, new author! *Star*


*Snowman* I was intrigued by your title so here I am! Your tag line made me wonder what the eight prompt words were. *Wink* You could bold them like {b}bold{/b} to get bold. *Smile*

*Snowman*Your first line engaged me and was a fine contrast with the next line about winter. The personification of winter is interesting and I think covid certainly can assist this drawing of the dark, with no place to get out.

*Snowman*I enjoy the philosophical tone of your reflection as you take us from dark to light with words of inspiration in the middle. I love the image at the end. I just wondered what you were referring to when you say "until it comes around" What is "it"? I am assuming you mean the cycle of winter etc but it could be the "Past". *Smile*

I think you could expand on "only to come as we continue this path?" I was not sure exactly what path...or "the only to come" bit. Perhaps rephrasing? *Confused*

Should "hoodwink" be "Hoodwinked'? *Think*

*Snow5* I like the connection of weather and nature with human thinking and action. Weather can certainly influence points of view if we let it!*Smile*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft at WDC! I hope you find a home here as you write on!*Starstruck*

Super Power Raid sig

If you like to review check us out:
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann
2,752 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 111 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2