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151
151
Review of Nobody is perfect  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Elle - on hiatus ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* First impression:

This was an enjoyable poem about one of childhood's special moments. Making a new friend at school is never easy, and making friends with one of the popular kids is even less easy than that.

*BulletB* Form:

The first few times I read this, I thought this was a free verse poem. It was only on the third or forth read through that I picked up on the rhyme scheme on alternate lines.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have captured the hidden side of the popular child really well, and it was easy to see the suffering that your popular child is going through. She has put so much effort into being the perfect pupil, that she is suffering physically from the effort of maintaining the façade.

It does make you wonder just what everyone we knew at school kept hidden from us, and just how many of the popular kids and the successful kids really were happy.

*BulletB* Favourite parts:
*Starfishp*and she always wear a smile,
even when teacher gives us homework


There's always one in every class isn't there *Laugh* I'm not saying that I didn't do well in school, but I hated homework - much rather be out with friends playing football *Laugh*


*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


Andy~NaNo'ing

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
152
152
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*

*BulletB* First impression:

This is the first time I've read a love story written in limericks. For someone who had Shakespeare's sonnets force fed to him during high school, this was so light and ton of fun to read.

You have crafted a nice little love story here, without using the overly flowery language of Shakespeare or the rigid structure of a sonnet.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I enjoy reading and writing limericks. I feel that they are an under-appreciated form of poetry. Too many people only regard them as the form used for writing smut and innuendo, so it was refreshing to see someone not only write a romantic limerick, but also attempt to tell a story at the same time.

I like how the limericks progress the story from the first date, through some troubles, and to the couple's reconciliation.

Your limericks have a nice flow to them, and while not all strictly adhering to the 9-9-6-6-9 or 8-8-5-5-8 syllable count, they do adhere to the A-A-B-B-A rhyme scheme and the minor variations in syllable count add a charm to the poems.

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

I particularly liked the third stanza. You've come up with good rhymes, and have also captured the moment of the guy trying to move too quickly in a few short lines.

I also like the final stanza as the couple's relationship reaches it's natural conclusion and the get to have their special day.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


Andy~NaNo'ing

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
153
153
Review of Gold and Ginger  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: GC | (4.5)
Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!


*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* First impression:

This is a great short story. You have pulled off a really enjoyable SCREAMS!!! entry with this offering.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have a fairly common hook (the midnight grave robbing), but you have crafted a unique horror story from a familiar concept. I enjoyed the slow build-up of the story as you set the scene, and then we launch into the action.

What a way for the criminals to get their comeuppance. Talk about a lesson for all to learn.

The only thing that felt a little off in the story was how the criminals and the ghost both used the same name "Clarrie Maybould" when his tombstone says Clarence. I get that "Clarrie" is a moniker, but it just felt a little weird both of them using. I'd expect Clarence to probably refer to himself as "Clarrie", but not sure why Joe would? Especially as Joe had previously referred to him as "old man Maybould".

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishb* a voice capable of cutting glass

*Starfishv* gave a sepulchral laugh

*Starfishr*bringing with it a stink of blood, decay and brimstone


I love the use of language in this piece, especially these three quotes.

When writing horror, it can be easy to fall into the use of clichés such as the "creaking hinges" and "bloodcurdling cries", but you've managed to avoid that pitfall. I just wish I could do that myself *Facepalm*

My favourite quote is the second one. The dual meaning of sepulchral (meaning both mournful/sorrowful and also relating to tombs) adds a clever dimension to this line.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


Andy~NaNo'ing

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
154
154
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Fivesixer ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!


*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


I chose to review your item today to celebrate your 15th anniversary here on WDC.

*BulletB* First impression:

You have a really popular activity and contest here. I'm forever seeing this flashed up on the newsfeed, and with the great prizes you offer, it's easy to see why.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Your forum has an attractive and logical layout. I like that you have the winners of the last round posted prominently up at the top of the forum, with the previous winners in a dropnote. It's also a lovely bit of advertising embedding the exclusive 30 Day Blogging Challenge MB in the form.

I like the concept of the different prompts for each day of the week. It looks like it will add a lot of variety to the blogging. It seems like it will also allow participants to add their own personal take on a prompt.

This must be a mammoth challenge to keep this up to date. I've just finished running my first month long endurance activity, and keeping it up to date was a lot more work than I expected it to be.

This activity is a well-deserved Quills nomination, and congratulations on making it to the 2015 Quill Finals.

*BulletB* Prizes:

You hand out very generous prizes. Merit Badges and Awardicons are highly valued amongst our members, and getting both for placing in any contest or activity is sure to attract contestants.

I love that you hand out a 50K Awardicon and the 30DBC Champion MB for first place. The exclusive MB offered for 1st place makes the prize worth far more than 10K face value.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

I hope you enjoy your anniversary today, Norb. May you get many spoils from everyone at GoT.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


Andy~NaNo'ing

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby
155
155
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi BeHereBook ,

I chose to reiew your poem today for my review requirement over at "a very Wodehouse challenge

*BulletB* Form and first impression:

I've always enjoyed the repetitive and reinforcing nature of the pantoum form. You have the rhyme scheme and shifting refrains down pat.

You successfully convey the fast-paced action of the race in your poem, as was your intention.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishb* "in streaks of yellow, green, and engine red."

This is one of the lines where you manage to convey the sense of speed. I like the use of colours here, as it helps the reader to visual different cars of different colours and design patterns racing around the track.

*Starfishr* "the stragglers push to reach a greater speed"

As in a real race, we must never forget those at the back of pack. They try just as hard as the pack leaders to finish the race in a decent position.

*StarfishV* "the fastest fight to keep a healthy lead."

Why just settle for first place, when you can win the race by one second, two seconds, or more. It always seems that the leader of the pack has to fight harder than those chasing him.


Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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156
156
Review of Donington  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Stephen Scorer ,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


I chose to review your poem today as part of my reviewing requirement at "a very Wodehouse challenge

*BulletB* First impression:

This is the first poem I've ever read about race-track. You've done a great job of bringing the Leicester track to life

*BulletB* General impressions:

I like that you have included the names of all of the major features of Donington race track. People often memorise the names of features as they add something to their experience and enjoyment of the commentary of races. I enjoy horse racing commentary, especially from Aintree because of all the famous features mentioned such as Becher's Brook and Saint Valentine's Brook.

I also like the use of speed words in your poem such as "zoom", "whizz" and "fast" (especially the quick repetition of "fast" in the third stanza), all of which help to create a nice visual. It is easy to see an actual race occurring.

*BulletB* Suggestion:

You need to capitalise the names of the various track features. For example, you wrote "Wheatcroft straight", but it should be "Wheatcroft Straight", and "Melbourne hairpin" should be "Melbourne Hairpin".

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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157
157
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Princess Megan Snow Queen Rose ,

Here I am with a third review of your newsletters as part of my Jane Austen's World Merit Badge challenge at "a very Wodehouse challenge.

*BulletB* First impression:

I enjoyed this look at some of Jane Austen's underappreciated characters. If you asked twenty random people on the street to name a Jane Austen character, I wouldn't be surprised if most of them said either Darcy or Elizabeth.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I like seeing the new-at-the-time Pemberly Romance Merit Badge at the top of this newsletter. This was the first letter after your MB was released, and why shouldn't you show it off to the world. I for one love seeing the newsfeed showing off all of StoryMistress's new creations.

I think most authors have underappreciated or underrated characters, but not many people bother going looking for them. I liked that you shared something of yourself in this newsletter and found a character who you could relate to.

*BulletB* Favourite part:

You'd absolutely love the Jane Austen Festival in Bath, Megan (actually, you'd probably never leave *Laugh*). Ten days of nothing but Jane and wearing period costume.

It can be an expensive event to go to depending on what you plan to do, as you have to pay to do a lot of the activities. A couple of friends of mine went last year and they paid out nearly £500, not counting the rental of their costumes and their hotel.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Wishing you the very best of luck in this year's Quills.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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158
158
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Princess Megan Snow Queen Rose ,

I chose to review your item today as part of my Jane Austen Merit Badge challenge at "a very Wodehouse challenge.

I liked this newsletter, Megan. It was great to find out some personal things about Jane. I like knowing things about the about the authors behind the novels.

I love visiting landscape gardens and sweeping estates. Two of my favourites are Bennetts Water Garden, near Weymouth, Devon, and Brodick Castle and Gardens on the Isle of Arran in Scotland. I can certainly understand your fondness for them.

I like knitting. I actually started when I was a child to help with my nail-biting, and just ended up carrying on. My grandmother used to spend time teaching me the fancy stuff, and eventually I was knitting with four different balls of yarn. Even now, I always knit a blanket for the new additions to my family.

It's quite scary how much I find out that Jane Austen and I have in common. First Bath Buns, and now knitting. What next!!

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


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159
159
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Princess Megan Snow Queen Rose ,

I chose to review your item today as part of my Jane Austen's World Merit Badge challenge at "a very Wodehouse challenge.

*BulletB* First impression:

A great information-packed Newletter, Megan. Although I like the site newletters, I sometimes find them a little light on facts. They tend to be filled with the individual editor's opinions.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I can see why you've called this a "special edition" newsletter. It's packed with stuff!

It's great to hear there will be yet another new Austen-inspired Merit Badge. I also like the news of a Darcy writing contest. I might even try to get an entry in.

*BulletB* Favourite items:

*Starfishp* On Jane Austen's tombstone, there is no mention of her being an author.

I can't believe this oversight still hasn't been corrected. I know she wasn't acknowledged during her life time, but she's been regarded as a great writer for the past seventy-something years.

*Starfishv* Jane was a big fan of Bath Buns.

This I never knew. I love Bath Buns. There's a little tea shop down one of the side-streets in Bath that does amazing Bath Buns, allegedly still using the same recipe from the 1700s.

I've never seen a Bath Bun with frosting, but it really does sound yummy.

Thank you for sharing a great newsletter! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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160
160
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Emily R ,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*BulletB* Title:

I like the play on words in your title. It's a clever little attention grabber. And let's be honest, unless you are world famous author, your item's title is the only thing you have to attract readers.

*BulletB* First impression and form:

You have a wonderful theme for your poem, and I found it to uplifting. Although on the surface everyone sees the same thing, it is only those who are able to see below the surface can truly see the beauty in all things.

Your poem is written in two stanzas of ABCB quatrains. Your poem conforms to the conventions, and, despite having no fixed line length or meter, it has a smooth flow to it.

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

I love the second stanza, where the narrator encourages readers to do what makes us the most happy. It is easy for us to see the beauty in others, when we are happy in our own lives.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

It's great to see a Newbie with a full port and a completed bio. Well done! I hope you enjoy your time here at WDC.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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161
161
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Duke the Fluke ,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*BulletB* Title:

Your title tells us exactly what your poem is about. To be honest, I don't like seeing titles written all in capitals, but that's just a personal thing. If it works for you, then by all means go with it.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Your poem is written in free verse, and it follows the dictates of the form. However, it still flows smoothly.

Although your poem is short, it is evocative. It is also a creative way of expressing the difference between God's outlook and man's outlook.

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

I especially like how you have "God" on His own on line five, as you introduce the main message of your poem.

*BulletB* Suggestions:

I would put the date on it's own line instead of as part of the poem. It will just make the layout look a little better.

You don't need a comma after "God" in the 5th line as He is the subject of the next line.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

This is a great example of what can be achieved with a short poem. Well done!

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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162
162
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi ♥HO HO HOOves♥ ,

*BulletB* Title:

I was rummaging though your paddock looking for something to review, and this title jumped out at me. You had me intrigued, and I just had to find out what linked Liam Neeson and your cash.

*BulletB* First impression:

I've flown a lot over the years, and as much as I love flying, the landings have always been my least favourite, so I could relate to your story.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have done a great job of injecting humour into this story. It is very easy to visualise Hooves' antics aboard the plane. It's very important for bovine passengers to kept comfortable at all times, and it's good to know that Aer Lingus knew how to care for it's VIP passengers.

Yet another perfectly timed video played by an airline *Facepalm*. If Mr Neeson demanded Euros off me in exchange for a safe landing, I'd be handing over my bank cards *Laugh*

I've had a few rough landings over the years, the worst being into a very icy Arlanda Airport (Stockholm, Sweden) in the middle of January, where the plane skipped off the runway a few times before properly landing, and then almost skidded off the runway as the brakes were applied.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

This had me laughing all the way until the end. It even brought to mind the humorous travelogues written Bill Bryson.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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163
163
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Dragyn ,


*BulletB* First impression:

This is a creative way to incorporate Chinese New Year into a WDC activity.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I love the banner picture for this activity. The image and the Chinese characters further reinforce the concept you have used for your auction and raffle.

You have carried the Chinese year theme to your auction by using the animals to represent each auction package, and to your raffle by having people purchase red envelopes instead of boring old raffle tickets.

You have pulled together a great variety of packages from a diverse range of WDC members.

You have the traditional Merit Badge in exchange for a 50K GP donation. We don't always get a large number of people who jump at this offer, but it's a great way to add to GPs to the funds raised. And then there is the promise of the newly commissioned MB in exchange for a 100K GP donation *Delight*

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

The promise of a new WDC Merit Badge. This is something that will always grab my attention, and usually my GPs *Laugh*.

*BulletB* Closing comments:

Wishing the very best of luck in raising GPs for the beneficiaries, and I hope the new Merit Badge comes out soon *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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164
164
Review of Missing: One Muse  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Rhyssa ,

*BulletB* First impression:

You have written an enthralling poem on your muse and the loveable plot bunny.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have injected a wonderful sense of humour into the dreadful subject of writer's block.

For being free verse, your poem has a smooth flow to it.

It is easy to see your narrator, and to empathise with her, as she suffers through a bout of writer's block.

I was entertained throughout, and I loved how you made the poem into a story about your narrator and not just a poem about a subject.

Things must be really bad if someone really got to the point of trying all the ways not to do something, just to see if something would work.

Like many, I am aware of the powers of the sacred maple syrup, but I didn't know chewing gum also had powers for curing writer's block *Laugh*

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

I enjoyed the personification (or should that animalification? *Laugh*) of your muse and the plot bunnies. It was also easy to visualise that great dragon taking flight and deserting you, and the plot bunnies sitting down in the tavern to chat with you.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishp* a labyrinthine jumble
of impossible characters
and improbable endings.


I love the assonance the "i" creates in these lines.

*Starfishb*beg him have a pity
and come home.


I can see your narrator down on bended knee with their hands clasped together as they offer up this prayer.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Wishing you the very best of luck in the rest of the Construct Cup.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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165
165
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ~Minja~ ,


I chose to review your item today because I must have driven you the point of insanity over your fundraiser *Laugh*

*BulletB* First impression:

This is a great way to raise GPs for Simply Positive Group and also your Kind Hearts review activity. It has also allowed WDCs members to pick up an MB or two (or maybe even thirty-seven MBs if any members are crazy enough *Laugh* ).

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have clearly explained your reasons for running the activity. The rules are easy to follow, and the rewards are amazing. There are not many activities that offer a Merit Badge in exchange for a 20K donation - let alone exclusive MBs.

I like the fact that Simply Positive have teamed up with you on this and are offering their exclusive Merit Badges on certain days, in addition to the community MB already up for grabs.

Bringing in the raffle component was a nice addition to what already a great fundraiser. This has allowed members who may not be able to donate 50K for the exclusive Merit Badge days a chance to win the MB in a raffle.

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

I love that you have embedded the Merit Badges on offer each day into the forum page. This gives your page a vibrant and attractive look, and there is nothing more appealing to shoppers than a window filled with stuff to buy. I'm sure this has helped to bring in more than one casual browser.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

I'm sure you've raised a huge amount of GPs already, and will have raised a lot more by the end of the month. I can see from the forum page just how popular this has been, and I'm sure people will be begging for it to be run again in the future (assuming your sanity could take it *Laugh* ).

Thank you for creating such a great community activity! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


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166
166
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Maryann ,

This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Spotlight on YA Raid Review!

*BulletB* First impression:

This was an enjoyable look at an alien's first experience of being a human.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I enjoyed the epistolary approach you used here. It allowed me to experience the day's antics through the eyes of your main character, Pam. You have also brilliantly captured the way a child writes. None of the letter feels out of place or "too old" for the character's inferred age.

This has the typical feel of the letter home, filled with the minutiae of her first day on Earth that would only be of interest to her cousin.

The fact you have chosen "human" names for your characters actually works well in this piece. Normally, I'd expect to see alien names in a sci-fi piece like this, but since it comes across as being aimed at teens/YA, alien-sounding names can be hard for younger readers to connect to.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishp* Look at how much smaller these feet are in proportion to the rest of the body. Yet, the job of the feet is to hold the entire body straight in a standing position.

*Starfishb* The teacher told us that the color didn’t cause the difference. The sand is made up of many loose particles, but the road is solid.


I loved these parts, Maryann. They are things that are part of our everyday lives but we never even think about them. Taking them and looking at them from an alien's perspective (who is experiencing them for the very first time) is really clever writing.


*Starfishr* I didn’t catch what she had said, but the teacher told her “five”. I guess that was a code word


Ah yes, the secret password know only to those who frequent Denny's *Laugh* I guess it would seem like a secret code to an alien. This was a great internal thought for Pam to have at this point.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

You've done a great job with this letter home, Maryann. It was a great read, and shows just what can be achieved by turning the mundane into the extraordinary.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing

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167
167
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Jellyfish ,

I chose to review your item today as I am also taking part in "Invalid Item and have just posted my own take on "Away in a Manger".

*BulletB* First impression:

This was an enjoyable read about Tommy "Shots" Rotten struggling with the morning after the night before.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Your carol fits nicely with the smooth flow and pattern of the original. You have also maintained the ABCB rhyme scheme of "Away in a Manger" throughout.

You have captured the image of a hangover with some great descriptions - the disorientation, the headache, trying to figure out just what wrong the night before.

I've been to Battle a few times, but I still appreciate the inclusion of the author's note explaining it.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*StarfishB* He knew there'd been vodka
And most surely gin -

I've known that feeling the next morning of trying to work out if it was the tequila or the sambuca that was my undoing *Laugh*

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Wishing you a fun and enjoyable time as you spam your way though carols this week.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


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#1300305 by Maryann


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168
168
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Professor Q bought a house! ,

I chose to review your item today as part of my challenge at "a very Wodehouse challenge. You were the contest winner of the 30 Day Character Building Contest, and so this review is for you.

*BulletB* First impression:

I have recently completed NaNoPrep myself and so recognise the Character Sketch assignment. I have found this to be a really useful tool with planning my characters. I have a nasty habit of creating my characters' back stories on the fly, and write myself into all sorts of sticky corners. But this year, no! Thanks to this activity.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have created a detailed sketch of your character, and have included the most salient points for her and her family. I actually like the concept of your half-Scottish half-Jewish woman who is friends with the gods.

You have still left enough unsaid about your main character here to allow you to develop her in the future beyond your initial perceptions and as your novel progessed.

*BulletB* Favourite quote:

*StarfishB* City or Area of Birth: Random generic city, I guess. Where she's from doesn't matter much, so a random city in New York that ISN'T NYC.

I didn't actually expect to find a favourite quote in the literal sense in a piece like this, but I had to laugh at this description of her birth city.


Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


Sig gotten for my reviews for WDC Power Reviewers

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Clash Round 1  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games ,

I'm reviewing your story as part of "Invalid Item.

*BulletB* First impression:

I loved this as an opening story. You have injected both action and humour into your story, and you can never go wrong with that combination with me.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Your story had a smooth flow to it, and the dialogue felt natural and helped to move the story along. You have also managed to write three very distinct and developed characters with their own voice for such a short piece. Your story held my interest from start to finish.

You came up with a very clever and fun ending to the story of how your twins overcame the wizard, and I especially love how the ending was set up so early in the story. What at first seemed like a simple jest, turned out to be a deciding factor in the twins victory.

The scene with Richard and Lila washing in the lake was nicely done. I loved how they reminisced over their bath-time when they were younger.

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

I loved Richard's typical big-brother reactions to Lila, and her reactions to him. Their give-and-take was a thoroughly enjoyable feature in this story and was a lovely counterpoint to Volton's brusqueness and arrogance. Your ending, where you show the relationship between brother and sister, was so sweet.

*BulletB* Line by line suggestions: There were a few things I noticed while reading, most of these can be picked up on a final re-read prior to posting. These are included in the dropnote below. Your original work is in black, specific suggestions are in indigo, and additional notes/explanations for the change are in orange.

Line by line suggestions

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

I'm really intrigued by Lila's Doolittle-esque gift for talking to nature the way she does. I'll have to have a read of your character introduction story and your other CLASH entries when I get the chance.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


Sig gotten for my reviews for WDC Power Reviewers

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
170
170
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jeff ,

*BulletB* Title:

Your title tells us that your story is an entry in the CLASH contest, but it doesn't leap out at me. If I was skimming your port looking for something to read, I would probably have skipped over this enjoyable story.

I noticed that some of the other participants have given their entries an actual title, though there are also some who have followed your style. I prefer seeing a story with a title, but I guess the main thing is as long you remain consistent in the way you title your entries.

*BulletB* First impression:

This was a great entry for the first round of the tournament. It held my interest from beginning to end and it fulfilled all of the requirements of the prompt.

*BulletB* General impressions:

For a short story of not even 1400 words it is action-packed and moves along at a nice pace. You explore both characters, and I like the way how they work together.

You paint a clear picture of the forest and the effect is has on Alasse. What I am intrigued by is the fact that your character was not affected by the forest at all, and I wonder if that has something to do with the way in which he triumphs over Alasse.

*BulletB* Favourite part:

The surprise way in which Eldon "captures" the dragon-wolf. This was a brilliant idea and one that comes from so far out of left field that I'd be amazed if anyone sees it coming.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*StarfishB* Wow, I didn’t think there’d be anyone out here that could give me a run for the title of Most Ill-Prepared Adventurer.

I love this line. It gives a little insight into Eldon - he clearly has a sense of humour, and is not beyond self-deprecation. This also sets up your readers expectations of Eldon's chances at success in the challenge.

*BulletB* Line by line suggestions: There were two minor niggles I noticed and these are included in the dropnote below. Your original work is in black, and specific suggestions are in indigo.

Line by line suggestions

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Wishing you the very best of luck in winning CLASH.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


Sig gotten for my reviews for WDC Power Reviewers

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
171
171
Review of Remarkable  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lilviscious ,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*BulletB* First impression:

This is a well-written flash piece that holds off on revealing itself right until the very end.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Writing a sub-100 word piece of flash fiction isn't easy. You have a nice little story here that holds the reader through to the end, and there is a great reveal as to your story's crux.

There is a nice build-up and you show your scene nicely. The reader can easily visualise the party atmosphere and hear the loud music reverberating from the speakers.

I love the way the reveal is done. In drabbles (sub-100 word flash pieces) the key is how the reveal is done. It is very tempting to do the reveal at the mid-way point and then try to somehow include it in your story. A well-executed drabble should have about 75 words of story, followed by the reveal, followed by "The end" and roll the credits. This is what you have done really well *ThumbsUpL*

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

I love reading flash fiction. Not because it's short and only takes a few minutes to read, but because I love seeing what authors can pull off with 500 words, 200 words, or in this case sub-100 words.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

This review is being given as part of the "Black Magic Birthday Review Bash, presented by "The Dark Society


Andy~NaNo'ing
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Review of America  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Choconuts Roasting ,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


*BulletB* Title:

The title is simple, but apt to your story. Though to be honest, I think the title could use a little work. It doesn't really give us a insight into what your story might be about.

Your story is about the differences and similarities between Britain and America - have a think and see if that could be worked into your title.

*BulletB* First impression:

Your story is entertaining and is a great example of two countries that are separated by a common language. This was a clever use of the prompt "America" from West Side Story.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I love the family feel of your story. The three generations of women sitting around together listening to Nana recount some of her memories reminds me of growing up listening to my great-grandmother's stories. The three women are obviously very close as evidenced by Poppy quite happily settling in on her grandmother's lap.

Kathleen clearly misses her husband, but she has such wonderful memories to hold to. Your story is a nice example of two people whose differences brought them together. Kathleen and her husband came from two different worlds yet they seemed to have had a wonderful life together.

*BulletB* Line by line suggestions: These are included in the dropnote below. Your original work is in black, specific suggestions are in indigo, and additional notes/explanations for the change are in orange.

Line by line suggestions

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

This was an enjoyable story to read and you achieved a lot in just over 1200 words. Congratulations on your second place in Prompt Me Musically.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing

This review is being given as part of the "Black Magic Birthday Review Bash, presented by "The Dark Society


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
173
173
Review of BLACK  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi llupeh ,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


This review is being given as part of the "Black Magic Birthday Review Bash, presented by "The Dark Society


I am reviewing your item today as I found it posted in the Read A Newbie forum.

*BulletB* Title:

The title is simple, yet it speaks to the very core of your poem.

*BulletB* Form:

Your poem is written in free verse. Consistent with the rules of free verse your poem does not have a set metre nor rhyme pattern.

I like the parallel between the freedom of free verse and the freedom of the emotion of love. Love and romance rarely follow a predetermined form or pattern - an attribute (blue eyes, dark hair, sense of humour, or whatever)that we find attractive in one person, we may not necessarily find that same attribute attractive in another person.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I get a very strong feeling for your narrator. It is easy to share in their fears of losing the person they love.

Your narrator talks us through their associations with the colour black, both the positive and the negative. Your narrator shares their love of wearing black-coloured clothing, but is dreading the day when they will have to wear their mourning clothes.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*StarfishP* the color of the terrifying starless night sky,

I love this line. The use of the starless night sky as a metaphor for death is really clever.

The inclusion of the word "terrifying" allows your narrator's fear to scream from the page. We all have a fear of death, but the fear of losing someone we love is far greater than the fear of our own passing.

*StarfishB*when you're with us, but not with us,

This line cleverly allows your narrator to share some of their beliefs with us. Your narrator clearly believes in a life after death, and although that should be a source of comfort for them, it's not.

I think no matter how strongly anyone believes in life after death or Heaven or whatever it is that someone believes in, losing a loved one is still one of the most traumatic and awful things that can happen.

*BulletB* Suggestions:

I don't particularly like giving suggestions when it comes to poetry. I feel that poems are very personal and individually creative.

I did have two comments though.

In line 8 you have misspelled breathless - there is an h missing.

Since you have used punctuation and proper English in your poem, you should capitalise every use of the pronoun "I".

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Oxymoronically, this was a thoroughly enjoyable read that evoked contrasting feelings of sorrow and love. Your poem is brilliantly written and is very deserving of the ribbon that adorns it.

Wishing you a very happy 15th WDC birthday week.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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174
for entry "The Biltmore Lilac
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ms. Nixie Saint Nick ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Raid Review!


I chose to review your item today as I was in your 10 Days of Spring Fantasy book and wanted to see what else you had written for the contest.

*BulletB* Title:

I love the title. It's eye-catching and fits in nicely with your flash piece.

*BulletB* First impression:

You have written an enjoyable little short story. Using an anthropomorphised lilac as a narrator is definitely a first for me *Laugh*

*BulletB* General impressions:

Your lilac certainly has a high opinion of herself *Laugh* Bringing the lilac to life is an interesting and unique way to incorporate the spring fantasy theme.

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

I especially like the similarity that is drawn between humanity and nature - whereby something has to die in order for something else to live.

I also love the poetic quality and the alliteration used when describing the "lavish lavender color" and the "sensuous lilac aroma" of your flower narrator.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

This was a clever little flash piece that nicely compliments the longer items in this book.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing

House Martell image for G.o.T.

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
175
175
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ms. Nixie Saint Nick ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Raid Review!


I chose to review your item today as I enjoy nature and the magic of nature's faeries, and I wanted to see what you could do with the subject.

*BulletB* Title:

I love the oxymoronic nature of your title. You called your poem "Possessing Spring", yet you describe spring as a wild explosion of nature that cannot be contained.

*BulletB* Form:

Your poem is laid out in six quatrains and one couplet. Although it didn't detract from the enjoyment of reading the poem, having that couplet for the second stanza still didn't read quite right.

Your quatrains are all written in ABCB rhyme and do not have a fixed meter.

I love the use of near rhymes in stanzas four, five and seven. There is also nice use of other poetic devices such as alliteration, consonance, and enjambment throughout your stanzas.

I love that you have written Spring as such a wild and untamed Queen, yet you have chosen to write this using a poetry form instead of mimicking your Spring Queen and writing this as free verse. It's another oxymoronic feature to your poem that adds another enjoyable dimension to your poem.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You had a picture prompt to use for your poem. The picture is a very vibrant and colourful picture filled with flowers and butterflies, both of which are quintessentially spring. It is easy to see how you were inspired to write such a beautiful poem.

Your poem describes Winter as a bleak and lacklustre time, and that it is ruled by a King. In contrast, Spring is a wild season filled with life and vivid colours, and is ruled by a Queen. I love the conceptual similarity here to Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream with how Oberon and Titiana's arguments (over who was going to raise the changeling child) would affect the weather.

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

I love the whole poem, but I just adore the use of the word "hoary" in the first stanza for describing the King's crown. It is both a very poetic and archaic word to use, but it also reinforces how bleak the season of winter can be.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

The many layers of your poem created a complexity that was thoroughly enjoyable to read. I can't wait to read more of your poetry.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing

House Martell image for G.o.T.

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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