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1,119 Public Reviews Given
1,120 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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Review of Imagine  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
An interesting fantasy and one I wouldn't tackle in a million years. You make an amusing tale of it and I kinda like your muddy blue aliens. It did raise the question in my mind as to why aliens are almost always either blue or green. I think the next aliens I invent will be some really outrageous colour. Or even several colours, in stripes maybe, or polka dots.

It really is a fantasy, however. I mean, if you could work up a decent argument that everyone on Facebook would listen to and understand, I would suggest you use it to get some sense into the world in reality. But it's fine to dream, I guess. I'm afraid I'm with Benson in his final solution to the problem - curling up and crying. My version is to say nothing and pretend that I haven't noticed the problem.

The whole thing is well written, of course, and I found no errors or typos. Good luck in the contest! I haven't read the other entries but would be prepared to bet on yours.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this a thoroughly enjoyable read. Of course, I've not read more than a page or two of the Harry Potter books so I must presume that any similarity of scenario will fade as you get further into the plot. And that brings up my other thought on the piece: what sort of audience are you aiming at? You've rated it at 13+, so it's not for the youngest age groups, but I would guess that, charming as it is (pun entirely unintended, I assure you), it's not intended for older adults. So perhaps teenage to young adult? My feeling is that it's ideal for such a readership, but I could be wrong.

You wanted to know about plot, conflict, character, setting and theme. The plot looks as though it's going to be a series of events that go wrong (thereby causing the conflict), leading to a collection of similar tales. I think, if the aim is to write something as long as a book, you would need to develop the plot beyond these first few, exploratory episodes into a more general and larger story. Again, the similarity to the Harry Potter series raises its head. It may require some thought to take the story in an unexpected direction and so shake the comparison.

Character is developed to some extent, particularly in the case of the main protagonist and Ms Fangustin, and you have laid the groundwork for Mrs Leafbrook, Master Runebluff and Spellmaster Petrushkov. Presumably these will be developed further as you write more. The actual appearance of the characters does need a bit more detail; at the moment I really have no idea what any of them look like (except that I supply my own ideas in the absence of other information). Giving just a bit more detail can help in getting away from any stereotypes and assumptions in the reader's mind, especially if appearance is going to assist in the formation of character.

Pretty much the same goes for setting. Let us have a little more detail and it will add to the atmosphere.

And that's about it, I think. It's a fun read and has great potential, if only we can prevent the reader thinking Harry Potter all the time. Unless that's your intention and the whole thing is intended to be a spoof. Hmm, didn't think of that...

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I decided to read what you'd put on display at the top of your portfolio, since these would be the ones you most wanted people to read, I reasoned. And I'm glad that's how I chose to begin. The first, a poem, was an interesting form that I've not seen before. And you handled it well, with logical progression through the words and fitting rhymes that were not obtrusive. But there's not a great deal one can say about so brief a poem, so I went on to the second piece, What the Wind Blew In. This is the one I choose to review.

To begin with, I want to mention my final thought after reading. I glanced at the description of the piece and had a sudden doubt at the inclusion of the word "haunt." This may be a little too much info for anyone deciding whether to read the story or not. I'd leave it out so that the reader is guessing at the identity of the protagonist's visitors for as long as possible. Save the knock out punch for the final round, in other words.

Within the first few paragraphs, I had the feeling that I was reading the words of a poet. "...all the wolves of all the worlds were crying in loss and sorrow" and "the whip of snow lashing the world into shredded wounds of white," for example. Nothing wrong with that (a bit of poetic description does the soul good) but don't be too generous with it. Too much of it in prose and it becomes overly rich for most tastes.

To be quite honest, I don't find anything wrong with your writing. It is straightforward and generally uncomplicated, which fits well with modern taste. I see no grammatical errors and everything flows and trundles along quite happily. This piece does lack a certain oomph, but that's partly a matter of the initial idea. Is it enough to justify telling the story? Possibly not, and that's why we need to use a trick or two to give it more impact.

The girl enters and we are already suspecting that she's a ghost as you describe her clothing. It's old fashioned and the most likely explanation is that she's been out in the snow for an awfully long time. It's too early for us to tumble to the idea of "ghost." If you can hide it somehow, to keep the reader in suspense, and then reveal it in the last paragraph or two, the impact is much greater. So we might need to take a liberty or two and "forget" to mention the old fashioned clothing. It's a bit sneaky but fiction writers do it all the time.

The two puddles on the floor after the ghosts have gone are very poignant but run the risk of being associated with the snowman's demise on being invited in from the cold - was it a story called "Frosty the Snowman" or some such? Beware unintended triggers like that.

In the end it's a fine story but needs just a little more kick to it. I had a similar problem with a piece that was becoming more of a vignette than a short story and I had to throw in something that even I hadn't expected to give it a point. It's a short little thing and this is my opportunity to see if this review format will take a bitem link. Have a read if you feel like it.

 
STATIC
The Water Vole  (E)
A hiker stops to admire a country scene.
#2256342 by Beholden


In spite of my carping, this is really a fine little story. I'll review a few more as and when I find the time.

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Review of Messy Room  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anniversary Reviews told me that today is your anniversary. Which is how I found this piece and why I wish you a happy anniversary.

And so to the actual review. This is a delightful little tale. Perhaps every child has a monster under the bed; I know I did. Mine was a bit more scary, however.

The real trick in this story is allowing the mom to see the monster. Usually adults are blind to such things. But I like that Sam was exonerated thanks to his mother's good vision.

Your writing style is simple, straightforward and well-pitched for the story's reading clientele. It flows very smoothly and I found no errors. Which also leaves me with very little to say, of course.

A most enjoyable read.

Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.


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Review of Devoured  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is very well written. It has tension right from the start and it builds throughout the narrative. A psychological thriller, it is interesting in that our natural tendencies are to side with the narrator, seeing through her eyes as we do, yet we ask ourselves at several points whether her version of events is correct. You have shown a considerable amount of skill in maintaining our support for the narrator in spite of these doubts.

Until the last few sentences, of course. The twist works but you skate very close to the awful "it was all a dream (hallucination)" denouement. It almost turns the short story into a vignette. What stops that happening is the quality of the writing, that you have so built empathy for the narrator that the reader can understand and accept the realisation that their doubts are confirmed. There is no feeling of being cheated by the tale.

And that's what counts. It works and nothing else matters. Well done!

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review of A Meeting with Prime Minister by Vaishali

Initial Impression:

I found this to be a highly enthusiastic account of a meeting with the Prime Minister of India. It was particularly interesting in that, to a westerner, whose politicians long ago lost any aura of honour and respect, the Indian attitude of admiration for a politician came as a breath of fresh air, as well as a reminder of a time when such things were true in the west too.

Title:

Explains in a few words exactly what the piece is about. Just what a title should do, in fact.

Content:

The circumstances of the meeting are very realistic, if a little difficult to believe in that the Prime Minister would know who the narrator is. But this is a work of the imagination and so we accept the events as recorded.

The conversation that follows the meeting is very revealing of the attitude of the writer, much more so than of the PM himself. There is a sense of awe and humility in the writer's words that is quite uncommon in the west. I am all in favour of politicians handing out snippets of wisdom as this one does, apparently!

So the piece is interesting in that it provides a very different view of modern politics than we are accustomed to these days. We are also given an insight into the attitude of young people to the political system in India, an attitude in which respect is the highlight. A far cry from the attitude of youth in the west, unfortunately.

Style:

There are certain points that give away the fact that the writer's first language is not English. Occasionally, the wrong word is used (first sentence: "to have a sip than everyone came shouting" - "than" should be "when") but, more often, necessary words are omitted, as in "When I kid, I had high ambitions." It should be "When I was a kid..." Also, "I have to reply him" should be "I have to reply to him."

These are minor errors that are not too distracting and they will disappear with practice. The goal is not to sound exactly like a native English speaker but to be grammatically correct while retaining that different viewpoint that is so effective in reaching the jaded tastes of the west. You are very close to that goal.

Flow/Pace:

No problems here. You have a good grasp of what is important and must be told, and what is not needed and will only slow up the tale.

Suggestions:

Keep writing! As I have mentioned, practice, while it may not make perfect, certainly improves our writing.

Overall Impression:

Has the enormous advantage of being different. You approach each subject from a direction that is new and fresh to any native speakers and, as such, you can rely on that to give you a head start in grabbing the interest of readers. Keep doing it

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Review of Rising Stars Blog  
for entry "Last Assignment " 
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of Last Assignment by is144780

Initial Impression:

I like this. It has originality, invention and imagination. Which is exactly what the assignment calls for. I'm hardly going to quibble, am I?

Title:

It's certainly factually true but it tells me nothing of what I'm about to read. In the context of the Challenge, it's fine but, if you were ever to use it in another context or to expand it (which wouldn't be a bad idea), it would need renaming.

Content:

Great fun. The idea of meeting Blackbeard (not sure I'd fancy it) is highly original and promises some interesting adventures. My one caveat would be that there's not enough in the meeting. It's hard to get a lot into so restricted a word limit but this makes the extended introduction a bit of a mistake. Cutting down on the employment history would allow for a little more interaction in the actual meeting.

It's not a major flaw, however, and may be the result of my wanting more of what is a highly entertaining piece. Just a thought if you ever want to extend the piece for another purpose - put more into the meeting.

Style:

Your style is very relaxed and conversational which is ideal for this sort of personal anecdote form of story. I note, too, that you've had a fair bash at rendering pirate speech for us. You are right to restrict that to the use of "ye" and "laddie" (the more usual spelling) since few people understand the difference in usage of "ye," "thou," "thine," etc. in 18th Century West country dialect (which is what "pirate speak" is) and it's a minefield for modern English speakers. You definitely deserve an extra star for not using "Arrr."

I found no grammatical or technical errors and it's quire clear that you write well.

Flow/Pace:

No problems here - it rolls along quite merrily to the end.

Suggestions:

Nothing, apart from the idea of shortening the introduction a little to allow for expansion of the meeting.

Overall Impression:

This is a very competently written piece that is entertaining and amusing. I liked it a great deal.

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Review of The Summoner  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found this while wandering through Read & Review. Although it's also true that I've noticed quite a few other pieces by you in the last few days. It must be Adherennium week or something.

Anyway. I notice you ascribe the genre Nonsense to this poem. Which immediately had me looking for meaning in it. And I think that's what is so attractive about the poem. There definitely is meaning in it but it lurks just out of reach, giving the reader fleeting glimpses that lure deeper into the maze. If this is deliberate, you have a devious mind, sir. If not, I must shrug and presume that it's the usual case of our identity being betrayed unwittingly whenever we set pen to paper or finger to keyboard.

As for the writing, it is very competent, the rhymes are natural and do not jar, the meter is ever present and free flowing. It's all extremely capable and leaves me nothing to carp or quibble about. A truly excellent and entertaining poem.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very clever. I'm not a great one for rhymed poetry but you handle it with aplomb (rhymes with bomb but doesn't imitate it). Add to that your gift for smooth and effortless meter and you have a winner. I can see why you stick with what you know.

As for content, I must admit that I, too, have often pondered on the matter of "giving a person a piece of your mind." So I found the whole poem delightful to read, with your reflections on the squandering of a mind until there's nothing left. Perhaps that's the real cause of Alzheimer's. But the cherry on the cake is the pun at the end. And I'm a sucker for puns.

To sum up, it's a most enjoyable, light and humorous poem that deserves the five stars I'm going to give it. Great work!

Oh, I should mention that I came across it in Read & Review.

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Review of A Moving Day  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a clever little story with quite a sting in the tail. I wondered where you were going with it for quite a while, so the denouement was quite a surprise. Very nicely done.

The writing is smooth without errors and the tale progresses at a merry pace throughout. It's all described and detailed sufficiently for the reader to picture things quickly. The piece has all the signs of having been worked out carefully beforehand so that there are no anomalies to give the reader pause.

The only quibble I have is that I want to know what happened in the meeting of these two non-friends from high school days! Obviously, I have been dragged very successfully into the world you created.

Impressive stuff.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review of A Very Important Meeting by Marvelous Friend for The Rising Stars

Initial Impression:

A brave subject to choose, I think. It's not easy to portray a person as well known but as distant for most as Jesus. It has to be a very personal portrait as a result and I like the way you have described Him. Your decision to withhold the name of the person until fairly deep into the piece enabled you to describe your surroundings and you took the opportunity well.

Title:

Does exactly what it says on the tin, as we say in England.

Content:

Considering the constraint of a word count of only 500, you have managed to get a considerable amount into so brief a meeting. The beginnings of theology indeed! It's in the simplicity and ordinariness of the conversation that you hit the target. Contrary to popular opinion, I do not think Jesus would talk in a pompous outdated form of English. He addresses us in the language we know and understand and this is exactly what you have done.

Style:

You have a simple and direct style that is well suited to the subject and how you have decided to tackle it. The one thing I have to point out is the old "show, don't tell" message. In other words, it is not necessary to tell me that the park was beautiful. You have told me enough for me to make up my own mind on that score.

Interestingly, you have not described how Jesus looked. I guess we all have our own opinions on that and it is probably the wisest course to dodge the issue. The important thing about Him is always the message.

Flow/Pace:

Always a difficult one to judge. I didn't notice any hiccups or huge variations in pace so we can take it that those aspects are fine. Remember that it can spice up a piece if the pace varies to indicate matters of greater interest or excitement, however.

Suggestions:

I'm sure Jesus wouldn't mind your appearance at the meeting in a jogging suit but I have my doubts that, given such an opportunity, you really would wear such a garment for it. Go on, admit it - you'd make more of an effort than that! It's a pointer to how important the meeting is to you and the reader will take their cue on this from what you wear (amongst other things). Let them know that this is the most important moment of your life.

Favourite line or part:

This only struck me on the second reading. Your sentence, "I looked at my watch." Cheeky! Was Jesus going to be late? Just joking but it is slightly incongruous. And that's why I love it.

Overall Impression:

A solidly competent essay on a subject that you obviously love. Being me, I would have liked a few surprises in the text. A few words from Jesus to allow us to see a fully rounded personality, for instance. He was anything but conventional while on earth and said some truly revolutionary things.

But that's just me - I like to see things progress beyond the every day.



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Review of The Soul Of India  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I find this to be very beautiful. Of course, as a westerner, I'm a sucker for anything exotic (which in itself reveals an insular attitude as though our own birthplace were to be the centre of the universe). Yet this piece provides a wonderful insight into another's culture and beliefs. Thank you for writing it.

I confess to reading biographies before tackling reviews and feel duty bound to answer a couple of points you raised in yours. In the matter of show and tell, and passive voice, as well as any current fashion in writing "rules," I am in agreement with you. What works, works, and it is silly to get pedantic over rules in that case.

As regards your style being typical of a writer whose first language is not English, this is definitely a compliment in your case. It is possible to see that you write from a very different perspective from those we are used to, but this is much more a result of subject matter than of language. The plain fact is that you write in an uncommonly high register for modern times and make no errors in usage (I could point at the position of the word "only" in the phrase "she continues to dote on them only as a mother can," might be better in "as only a mother can," but it's a fine point in the subtlety of meaning). It may well be that some struggle to keep up with you and ascribe this to your "foreignness" as a result. I find nothing to quibble with in your style.

Your essay is a gem of description, opening the vaults of understanding for other peoples. I am truly impressed.

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Review of SEBASTIAN'S GROVE  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Totally delightful and intriguing. This is a bright and cheerful tale of invention and imagination beyond the common run. I was fascinated from beginning to end.

It was a great idea to have the teaser advert at the outset. The reader's curiosity is piqued and from the moment we find the place and start exploring, it is impossible to put the tale down. The writing is flawless and without detour, proceeding at a merry pace that is ideal for the subject and comedic intent.

Just one point troubles me. It is impossible to reach the place by road, apparently, and requires a helicopter to gain access. Which leaves me wondering where the roadkill so important to the local fast food joint comes in. An odd trading system supported by helicopter transport, perhaps? It seems unlikely. I know it's churlish of me to raise so practical an objection to such a wonderful expedition into the imagination, but I suspect that I might not be the only one to notice. It would take a very minor edit to correct (or explain), after all.

Even so, I enjoyed the story immensely. Bravo!

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Review of Eternity  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This made me laugh. Now there's a ghastly carousel to put one off eternal life forever! I should have seen it coming, having written a few stories around the idea of a fountain of youth or a return to life from death rescinded, but this little tale caught me napping. Nicely done indeed.

I found nothing wrong with the writing and would have nothing to say as a result, but I noticed a lone typo in this phrase: "when a glowing, shimmering pool caught out attention. " That errant T in "out" should be an R, of course. Otherwise the tale is told in a brisk, economic style ideal for short stories, and heads like an arrow for its denouement.

A most enjoyable read.

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Review of Spawn of Dagon  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
(Don't gush. Remember, no gushing!) That was a bit of a laugh.

But seriously, I've read some of your other stuff before (and not just the No Gushing rant) and there's no doubt you can write. Which saves me the hassle of pointing out grammatical or technical errors (although I have to point out that the word is "lying" when prone on top of the armour. "Laying" is something hens do). But you have to accept praise where praise is due and the fact is you write very well.

This particular piece sets out in the header that it is satire and intended to be funny therefore. So it's no surprise to find that it is indeed funny. Goal achieved, I'd say. And the twist at the end is excellent, thereby satisfying the rules of the contest for which it was written. It also doesn't surprise me that it didn't win that particular contest. Much depends on what the contest owner is looking for and the clue to that is in the prompts. If the prompts are pedestrian, that also is what is expected of entries.

Anyway, I liked the tale and it only remains to decide on a rating. I know - I'll annoy you by giving it five stars. *BigSmile*

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Review of Let Sparky Lead  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wonderful. I confess to being slightly biased in that I loved Zane Grey's short stories in my younger days and your prospector and burro reminded me of them instantly. And you do not suffer from the comparison - your story has the same atmosphere and feel for the relationship between an old westerner and his faithful burro. It's heart-warming stuff.

Your writing has excellent balance. It is simple, bare of fancy adornment, yet tells the reader all that he needs to know. This results in a clarity of style that is a joy to read. It is also a pleasure not to have to indicate grammatical or technical errors. My only problem is that you leave me with very little to say - you write a good story, sir.

I should mention that some might bemoan the lack of a dramatic twist in the ending. But I agree that this tale doesn't need one. It is sufficient to have travelled the trail with the two friends and been with them through their trials until safety is reached. A fine story, excellently told. Bravo!


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Review of The Liminal Space  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'll be honest and admit that this is an odd little piece in so many ways. The first thing that strikes me is the layout. The short lines make it seem intended to be poetry but it quickly becomes obvious that it's not. I presume, then, that it's been written in some format that WdC doesn't fully understand and that the short line returns are the result of that. But editing after transfer into another format is just as important to decent writing so I have to point out how strange these truncated lines look.

The first paragraph is a gem, a really beautifully written piece, a tour de force of simple but effective description. Phrases such as "we...pulled our hot, sticky skin from the seats" are deliciously sensual.

And then we come to a sentence that, on first reading, seems to make no sense at all. "I was younger then, though I don't remember how young - too many things have altered my perception of time and space, but I remember feeling deathless and invincible to teenage years seem to be the appropriate estimate." I struggled to understand but have been unable to make sense of that last bit - "seem to be the appropriate estimate."

Things become somewhat confusing and vague in the final two paragraphs. The purple miasma seems to have transported the narrator and her mother into some form of paradise but I find it very difficult to discern just what is going on. I accept that it's hard to describe things in another state of being but we do need a few things of substance to hang on to. A bit more consideration of what this altered state is and why it is so would help, I think.

You have a very different vision from most other writers and, with a bit more leaning towards the readers, helping them to understand what you're saying, you should be able to produce outstanding work. This particular piece starts quite brilliantly but descends into rather vague statements of some undefined view of how things should be. My own opinion is that you should keep your feet on the earth and write from that perspective but, of course, I could be hopelessly wrong.

A highly enjoyable read, even so.


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Review of Running Away  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this. It's short (no doubt thanks to the contest requirements), to the point and contains considerable depth in very few words. The last sentence says it all. Love is the reason for the need for forgiveness and it turns a fight into a race to apologise first. Truly wonderful!

It takes considerable talent to write a full story in so few words. But it's worth doing because it teaches us what is essential and what can be omitted without harming the plot. You have made a really good job of it in this piece. Applause.


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269
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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, it's a much-pondered scenario, the death followed by a second chance idea, but you handled it well, finding a route both interesting (in that the return is at a split second after the departure - love the continuing flight through to the landing) and suitable to a story intended to be brief. I like the guy who walks up and says, "You're early," as well. He introduces a lighter vein than the introduction (which is a bit heavy with intimations of suicide amid a rather dark atmosphere). Not that there's anything wrong with "dark" but the heaviness is the result of your trying too hard to get the reader in the mood.

You throw an awful lot of wordy descriptions at the reader in that beginning. I have to resist that urge too, so I know it's better to go looking for the exactly right word, rather than use everything that occurs. They'll all get their moment in the sun in later pieces and definitely books. Think clarity rather than a demonstration of your ability. The important thing is communication and this can easily get lost if too many words clamour for attention.

Other than that, it's obvious that you can write. There are no grammatical errors worth mentioning and, once it gets going, the story hums along at an agreeable pace without hitches. You describe yourself as relatively new to writing and, I would suggest that, having started so well, you're bound to become a very good writer. All that's necessary is that you keep writing.


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Review of Father  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A very beautiful story and I'm sure everyone who reads it will, like me, wish you the best through this difficult time. You had a father who was a real gem and you are who you are thanks to him. Remember the good times.

As to your writing, I am presuming that English is not your first language and, if I am correct in that, you have an astoundingly good grasp of it. In fact, you write better in it than far too many of those whose first language it is. I particularly like the way you do not load your words with too much weight of flowery description and unnecessary asides. Your style is very story-driven and you are not easily distracted into irrelevant side alleys. The history of your father and yourself is told accurately and without flourish. This allows the reader to share in your experiences, rather than being instructed in how they ought to feel. The piece is very moving as a result.

Well done and thank you for sharing these treasured experiences.


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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful experience. And one that I can empathise with, having at one time in my life been an aspiring painter. Except I never sold anything - if someone liked what I'd done, I would give it to them.

But anyway, it's clear I'll not find any mistakes in your writing, in spite of your protestations of fallibility. I'm sure you weren't a proofreader for nothing. But I had to come a long way to find the prose I was looking for. Sure, I read a few poems along the way but I really wanted prose if I was going to review anything. And, on this piece's evidence, you know how to write, so I wonder why no fiction. Have you tried it at all?

But, if you really don't want to give it a go, you should write a few more pieces like this one - personal anecdotes and memories, in other words. I learned from a very good friend of a few years back that we old uns have a wealth of experience in our heads that others love to hear about. Certainly worth thinking about, you know.

Anyway, thanks for sharing that wonderful story. It is a pleasure to read.

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Review of April Fools  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this. You had me waiting to hear about the joke on Todd and then there's all this stuff about their departments and the people who work in them. It's as though I fell for it as hard as did Clarice. But that's okay, I can take a joke.

The dialogue is very natural and believable. And that's about it, there being very little narrative or description in the piece. Thinking about it, however, I know exactly what you mean by a "pub-style burger and onion rings."

To sum up, it's an amusing and entertaining little tale and I have no hesitation in giving it five stars. But I would suggest you add to the single genre listed in its description. Many readers gather as much info as they can about a piece before deciding to read and the more we can give them, the more likely it is that we'll hook them.

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273
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A fascinating tale. Stirs all sorts of undercurrents, not least those of Jesus' childhood. I had some trouble getting into the story (more on that in a moment) but then was hooked and drawn in until I couldn't escape. Which is a lot to happen to a reader in a piece as short as this but it's true. You have a way with words and know how to make something compelling.

Grey eyes are a part of that, I think. There are various shades in grey (not sure if there are fifty but there ya go) and I'm sure we imagine the most striking of them when reading. I see them as very light, impossible to ignore. A powerful image.

And so to my difficulty in getting into the story. It's the profusion of 'J' names. It takes a while to sort out who is who and the fact that all the names begin with J doesn't help. If this isn't a necessary part of the story that I've missed, I would definitely think about changing that.

Otherwise it's a well told, striking tale that is hard to put down. The Jesus connection occurred to me when the stranger identified Jasper as the future leader of the revolution and was confirmed when Jamie made it clear that she knew about that. It had me wondering whether Jesus had similar experiences. In fact, maybe that's the reason for the J names.

Anyway, I love the story. Wonderful tale!


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Review of The Triangle  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ah, good planning is so important, isn't it? Well written tale that goes along at a cracking pace, providing plenty of suspense and, in the end, a suitable twist.

You write well, in a very clear style and refusing all temptations to digress. There are no grammatical
errors or typos, so you leave me with very little to do except provide applause. Excellent stuff!

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275
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Loved this, especially the accent. It's not easy to keep up a lengthy monologue in a given accent without becoming tedious, but you managed it with ease. A tour de force indeed.

The story is wonderful too, a delicious blend of the fanciful and a matter-of-fact tone that gives the tale an air of authenticity. If a rough old farm hand were to tell a tall tale, this is exactly how it would be delivered. I can remember many such accounts heard in my youth in Africa, except there the wildlife would probably have been veldskoens rather than rabbits. Southern hemisphere inhabitants do love to pull the legs of recent arrivals.

Which is not to say that I don't believe you. When a tale is told so well, how could I possibly say it nay? Cracking stuff, mate, and keep it up!

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