Good story - you make it sound real, so it is either a true story, or well written fiction. I'm not a great editor, but I made some notes in bold. Hope it is helpful.
Thanks for your writing.
Brian
A string of shots rang out when the Sergeant(no capital required) shouted:
“Hold your fire!” “No pun intended,” he mumbled under his breath. “Surrender boys, come on out now with your hands up.”
Three juvies slowly obeyed (avoid the adverb and look for a stronger verb) Sergeant Pierce, quivering with fear and faces drained of color, slow and guarded, they came outside.
It was the summer of 1985; school was out, and three young men had too much time on their hands, crazy imaginations and a marked lack of self-control. They were bored and their parents were busy at work, thinking the boys were mature enough to spend the afternoons on their own. It was summertime, school was out and what one didn't think of another did.
(this sentence is a bit awkward and difficult to follow) They were playing with fire and about to get burnt.
Fires were being set sporadically (passive voice)all over Mayfield, a small town in Southwestern Ohio, for a little over a week. While a few received minor injuries, no lives were lost(passive voice) as yet. Property damage had run up to about half-a-million --- a few barns, fields, a tree farm and a few old farm houses.
“Something has got to give! This destructive terrorism must be stopped,” was all Sergeant Pierce could say or think of as he shook his head in disgust.
The County Sheriff had sent out the canine unit after the first church burnt to the ground.
Downright meanness was driving these rascals who were obviously getting kicks from creating a wake of turmoil and misery. So far they were lucky enough to keep the dogs at bay. They were hiking up the creek or escaping in a vehicle. The authorities felt like they were blindly investigating, and only coming up with a handful of leads.
Finally, while watching the 11 O'clock news, we were assured(passive voice) it wouldn’t be long before fate caught up with these careless pranksters. With the County involved, the local P.D. and the arson squad, all hands were on deck. The local news kept us apprised of the latest happenings and witnesses started coming forward in droves.
It was Thursday evening around 7:15 p.m., when we got our final call. A house was burning in the middle of Mayfield. It was the home of a single mother with three young children. Alarms sounded from nearby fire stations and sirens began to wail as thick black smoke cascaded over the town.
At the scene a young mother was holding a two-year old, towheaded boy with rosy cheeks. He was wearing Superman pajamas.
“Please! Please! Save my babies. My other two boys are still inside,” their mama cried through stifled sobs.
Four of our bravest firemen stepped inside of hell{maybe change to "the hell") to find two little boys, aged four and six.
Water was storming (remove was, change to stormed)down heavy and hard in every direction from the multiple fire hoses. Smoke thickened and breathing was labored and painful.
Finally, the firemen emerged holding two raggedy dolls. The paramedics began CPR, rolling the boys into separate ambulances and heading for the nearest burn center at Mercy South.
Both boys had barely escaped death after being hooked up to ventilators all night and treated for third degree burns. Both were in the same hospital room while their mother sat in a corner rocker holding their baby brother. She was distraught but thankful all her boys were alive. Each time a nurse came in to change their bandages, the two boys would scream in agony. It was hard.(what was hard?)
Luke, their three-month old puppy, was gone. The fire burned hot, and there was nothing identifiable left at the residence.
Sergeant Pierce walked into the hospital room, assuring the boys' mother they were on the trail of these offenders and determined to find them by day’s end.
Around 6 O’clock that same afternoon, the canine unit trailed their scent to an old abandoned shack on the outskirts of town. The kids were shaken to say the least as we had them surrounded and weren’t sure whether they were going to put up a fight. After a few shots came barreling out the shack, the authorities ran for cover and unloaded return rounds. That’s when Sergeant Pierce shouted, “Hold your fire!” These adolescents came from good families. Heck, we all knew them. While their intentions were ominous, they had too much time on their hands and not enough supervision. Nevertheless, they did what they did, and they would have to pay for it. The kids were remorseful and tearful, holding their heads down as they stumbled out one-by-one. Surely they’d go through the court system, make restitution, do some community service and spend a few years in reform school, until finally released back into society.
The oldest boy begged, "Please tell me we didn't hurt anybody!"
Sergeant Pierce set them straight, "Because of the three of you, two little boys are being treated for third degree burns at Mercy South, and last night was touch-and-go. They're going to be in there for quite a while because of your thoughtless deeds."
The next morning an old man a block down the street from the still smoking residence called Channel 10. Luke, the young pup was found wandering around the area pitiful, forlorn and lost --- looking for his family no doubt. Except for a few scrapes and singed hair matted with soot, Luke was shaken but no worse for wear.
In the mid-nineties, Channel 10 did a fresh story on the now grown-up teens who’d been the cause of a lot of grief, pain and havoc the summer of 1985. They were profoundly impacted by their crime spree, and two of them had stayed in Mayfield and were now visiting local schools and teaching about the dangers of playing with fire. Fortunately, Mayfield is a kind forgiving community. We all knew deep down that those boys could have been anyone's sons.
The two little boys who were nearly killed that night have deep scars, a nagging reminder of that dangerous night. Darned if their mother didn’t marry the Preacher(capital not necessary) who ministered to them at Mercy South.
Sergeant Pierce died of heart failure a few years back. We all mourned his death and the whole town turned out for his funeral. He is remembered (passive voice)well as Pierce Park sits in the heart of town, a thriving reminder of Sergeant Pierce, his kindness and valor. |
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