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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bronxdutchman/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
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1,013 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Crayola  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I have to say, that this is an impressive poem. The a, a, b, b, a, rhyme scheme works very well with your words and visions of spring. As I read the poem, you painted a perfect picture of the coming season. I could see the ‘vibrant blue’ ant the ‘emerald hue’. I could smell the air and see the strutting Peacock. Oh—and that ‘slice of key lime pie’ delicious. I see why you named this ‘Crayola’ it truly is a colorful poem. You have succeeded in showing me spring in all its magnificence. I wish I could give you suggestions, but none are needed—I say Bravo!
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2
Rated: E | (5.0)
Whenever I read a story and get caught up in what is happening and find myself laughing or crying at the situation, whatever the case may be, I know the author has done his or her job. In this story, we know right from the beginning what is coming but it makes it no less entertaining. I found myself fidgeting in my sit as the neighbors detained the stories protagonist in the yard and was anxious to see just how much damage had been done. At the end of the story I found myself laughing out loud at the image of Agatha Lynne’s furry face peering around the corner. You did an excellent job with this story. I say BRAVO! AUTHOR! BRAVO!
3
3
Review of Homage  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

First impressions:
Nicki, I consider myself a hard man and not prone to being maudlin, so to react to something I have read with emotion, to actually shed a tear and feel chills up my back and spine as I read, is an accomplishment by the writer which is beyond my ability to express. You touched me deeply in two very specific ways here: The rescuing of a little girl from a monster, and how Murph felt when someone finally acknowledged his sacrifice for his country. I think this is brilliant. You pulled me into Murph’s world and took me on an emotional roller coaster.


Suggestions:
Just one minor suggestion. "He lowered his eyes to the little girl" this jumped out at me because Murph only has one eye. "He lowered his eye to the little girl"


Final thoughts:
Because of my own experiences in life, I was able to identify with the character in this story. His experiences became my own. I chased a man through the streets of Philadelphia with a baseball bat who attempted to take my son, and while in the service of my country I was tortured for three days. When I came home, it seemed like a different world to me. Every emotion I felt, you captured here. You are, without a doubt, a writer of a higher caliber. Your star shines brightly. I say BRAVO! AUTHOR! BRAVO!







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4
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

First impressions:
I am speechless. What a powerful story of reconciliation. You have captured an intense moment in time with images and feelings. You have taken the reader into an intimate and human experience—fragile, strong, painful, and filled with joy as well, a testament to the human spirit and in many ways a coming of age and revelation. You show us how people struggle on the outside and touch our hearts with the, many times, hidden and powerful love we carry on the inside and are often unable to reveal—even to the ones we love the most…


Suggestions:
NONE


Final thoughts:
This story flows beautifully. You have done a wonderful job of SHOWING us, rather than telling us (which many of us struggle with). I say BRAVO! AUTHOR! BRAVO!...







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5
5
Review of We Were One  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
CONDUCTED ON BEHALF OF 'THE RISING STARS'


This is one of your reviews from the ‘Gaggle of Guys’ contest. My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

My first impression:
A very touching and sad poem, it left me with a feeling of emptiness- The poem flowed well and the rhyme was good.


Suggestions:
Not really, it works well enough as is I guess, I was just left feeling that this could be expanded on.


My final thoughts:
A good little poem. Good job... God bless...


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6
6
Review of Natural Order  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
CONDUCTED ON BEHALF OF 'THE RISING STARS'


This is one of your reviews from the ‘Gaggle of Guys’ contest. My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

My first impression:
Honestly, I am almost speechless. This is a magnificent poem. I read it out loud, and it was just as smooth and flowing as it sounded in my head. I can see that you must have poured your heart and all your energy into this wonderful poem. And such a powerful statement as well.


Suggestions:
How could I possibly add to this wonderful poem.


My final thoughts:
You get my BRAVO! AUTHOR! BRAVO! for this one...


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7
Review of TEARS OF WAR  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
CONDUCTED ON BEHALF OF 'THE RISING STARS'


This is one of your reviews from the ‘Gaggle of Guys’ contest. My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

My first impression:
First let me say dan, that you did not put your entry in the forum correctly. I had to hunt down your poem in your port. You have "ID 1231166, try this: {bitem:*******}. Use the squiggly bracket, then the word 'bitem' then a colon, then your Id number- just the number- and then another squiggly bracket. Hope that helps a bit.

I am also 52 and a disabled vet- glad to meet you brother. I absolutely loved your poem (it was worth the hunt). Your images were pure and sharp, and I loved the rhyme scheme. You used quatrains and rhymed the first three lines of every stanza- I thought this gave the poem an interesting flow and beat. Great job...




Suggestions:
None.


My final thoughts:
An outstanding read. I say BRAVO!


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8
8
Review of Outstretched Arms  
Rated: E | (5.0)
CONDUCTED ON BEHALF OF 'THE RISING STARS'


This is one of your reviews from the ‘Gaggle of Guys’ contest. My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

My first impression:
A moment frozen in time. The poem gives me a feeling of peace and harmony with the world. The last stanza leaves me with the impression of being in love with the world, or even being in love with someone else.


Suggestions:
In the third line of the last stanza, I would use a caesura pause (caesura: the pausing or stopping within a line of poetry caused by needed punctuation) I would use a comma after the word 'Gracefully'.


My final thoughts:
I thought you did a great job with this poem...


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9
9
Rated: E | (5.0)
CONDUCTED ON BEHALF OF 'THE RISING STARS'


This is one of your reviews from the ‘Gaggle of Guys’ contest. My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

My first impression:
I think this is a well written allegory, in free verse with a spattering of rhyme. I like the use of water as a metaphor for struggling with depression, fear and confusion. "drowning" "Undercurrent" Whirlpool" "Lungs burning" "Current gentle". Great job...


Suggestions:
None.


My final thoughts:
A well written allogrical poem. Great job...


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10
10
Rated: E | (5.0)
CONDUCTED ON BEHALF OF 'THE RISING STARS'


This is one of your reviews from the ‘Gaggle of Guys’ contest. My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

My first impression:
For me, you did capture that 'wonder of youth'. As I read the poem it brought be back to bygone times, when there was a promise or hope of happiness, before it was spoiled by the world. For that, I thank you. Though the form is short and restrictive, you still found some wonderful images. Great job!


Suggestions:
None.


My final thoughts:
An imaginative and instructive read...


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11
11
Rated: E | (5.0)
CONDUCTED ON BEHALF OF 'THE RISING STARS'


This is one of your reviews from the ‘Gaggle of Guys’ contest. My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

My first impression:
For me, this is a wonderfully condensed poem about life and death and a 'going back to God'. Your images are vivid and sharp- I really enjoyed reading this several times. I also believe this could easily be interpreted in several different ways. A universal poem.


Suggestions:
None...


My final thoughts:
Poetry, to me, is emotion condensed- you have achieved that here. I say BRAVO!


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12
Review of LOVE IS...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
CONDUCTED ON BEHALF OF 'THE RISING STARS'


This is one of your reviews from the ‘Gaggle of Guys’ contest. My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

My first impression:
A beautiful metaphorical poem about, in my opinion, God's love. The poem flows well, with rich images.


Suggestions:
None.


My final thoughts:
Your use of metaphors makes this poem I think- great job!


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13
Review of Backseat Driver  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is one of your reviews from the ‘Gaggle of Guys’ contest. My review is meant to be encouraging, but honest. This is my heartfelt opinion. Take from it what works for you and leave the rest. God bless…

My first impression:
I thought you did a good job with the acrostic and the rhyme as well. This is a clever poem, with a difficult rhyme scheme.


Suggestions:
This is more of a comment, rather than a suggestion. Writing in monorhyme can be a difficult feat. It is hard to make the sounds really come together- I believe you did more than a fair job here. I liked the twist at the end as well.


My final thoughts:
You are a brave poet to even attempt this form- it is harder than people think. Good job!!!


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14
14
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Excellent job with this poem. I would say the double meaning is she is like the day, and the prince is like the night. The only suggestion I would have, would be to expand on this poem- it seems unfinished. What is here though, is very good...
15
15
Review of Marked  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow. A great narrative poem. You never cease to amaze me. I love the way you tell stories with your poetry. There is nothing abstact here. The poem reads beautifully, and progresses wonderfully. Good imagery, and the rhyme is great. The syllable count is consistent, which of course, helps with the flow of the poem. Thanks for your submission, I'm glad I had a chance to read this poem. BRAVO!!!
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Review of Where is the Time  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very interesting, just before opening this poem, I looked at the clock and thought to myself " it's twelve already". The poem makes a statment about time, which for the reader brings up many issues and emotions as well. A very thought provoking poem. The syllable count tetrameter, and if I am not mistaken, the poem is written in iambic meter as well. Great job.
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17
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This one certainly makes one think, but I had fun reading the poem. It is a fun, lighthearted poem, with excellent rhyme and a consistent syllable count. If I had any suggestion to make, it would be to expand on this one, or not. I think if you wrote about forty of these, it would make a great childrens poetry book. Great job. I think this little, fun poem deserves five stars. You made me smile, and isn't that what poetry is suppose to do- bring out emotion. Great job. God bless and keep writing...
18
18
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very powerful poem, of defeat and resurection. The poem speaks of courage and to fight for what is right. Your syllable count is 4/7/11. The poems flows beautifully. You did a wonderful job with this poem. God bless, and keep writing...
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19
Rated: E | (5.0)
I felt as if I were there in those woods. Very discriptive and great imagery. The poem flows very well. I say, Bravo! Wonderful job.
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20
Rated: E | (5.0)
Had a friend who died this way, people take iron workers for granted. It is very difficult to be up so high and keep your composure day in and day out. You wrote a wonderful tribute to this occupation. The rhyme is good and the poem flows well. I thought the last two lines were a bold statment to, having to do what you have to do to survive. Great job.
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Review of A MANLY THING?  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
How could this poem get anything less than five stars. I was feeling a little down this morning, you have raised my spirits. As a matter of fact, I almost wet myself laughing. This is brillent. Thank you Dr. Smith. I needed a good smile. God bless my friend, and please, keep writing...
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22
Review of Flotsam  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What follows is my honest and heartfelt review and rating of your work. My reviews are meant to be helpful and hopefully, encouraging. Remember, I am just one voice and one opinion. The rating system means many things to many people. Here is what it means to me: Anything below three stars needs a ton of revision. Three stars represents writing that is good, but needs improvement. Four stars is writing that is very good, touches something within me, and has quality. Five stars is writing that needs no revision, moves me intellectually or emotionally, and has quality.

Quality: degree of excellence; a distinguishing attribute; an acquired skill; the attribute of an elementary sensation that makes it fundamentally unlike any other sensation.

MY REVIEW:
This was a very touching, heartwarming, and also sad story. Your prowess as a poet shows in your words as well. The story flows beautifully. There was one paragraph that threw me for a moment.
Laughing at the dog's antics, Mark began moving. "Come on buddy. Time to go," he threw over his shoulder as he headed back toward the house. It is just me, I'm sure. But it took me three reads of this paragraph to understand what he was throwing over his shoulder. You were of course, throwing your remarks to Scooter over your shoulder. Again, I am not the brightest light bulb in the house, and it's early. I consider myself a decent poet, but I am terrible at short stories and fiction. You, my friend, have a talent for both. I enjoyed the read immensely. God bless, and keep writing...







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Review of The Key  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nicki, this is a very beautiful and touching story. I am the last person on WDC to give any advise on sentence structure or grammar, but as far as I can tell the story connects perfectly from one scene to the next. I do not have the words to express what this story does for me personally. Certain types of writing, in my humble opinion, is meant to search out and touch the heart- to find the human experience in all of us that waits to be identified with. Weather this story is from personal experience or just comes from that special place that resides within us all, you have delved within to that secret garden and given us (the reader) a poignant and heartwarming story.

I have a daughter whom, for reasons I will not express here, I had to give up for adoption. I was fortunate enough to be given what is known as an open adoption, and I have been a part of her life now for the past eleven years. She has expressed to me a deep desire to meet her mother. My daughter has that unconditional love that many children have, and was willing to forgive her mother. Her mother, because of her drinking, was not allowed to see her daughter, and rightfully so. I believe that she knew this was right and just, but still suffered in ways that only a mother would understand – though I felt her pain. My wish for my daughter and her mother was that someday they would reunite. That her mother would win her battle with alcohol and have a relationship that would benefit them both.

Less than a year ago, my daughter’s mother, in a drunken state, fell down a flight of stairs and hit her head. She died a few days later of a brain aneurysm. My daughter will never see her mother. She will never hold her mother. She will never be able to come to terms with her, face to face, with all the emotions she has had to deal with these many years. And in all honesty, it has devastated me as well. My secret fantasy was a reunion that all three of us could share. I saw my daughter’s mother a month before she died, and was not man enough to say hello or to tell her how beautiful and intelligent her daughter has grown to be. I will regret my cowardice to the day I die, and beyond…

So you see, the story that you have written touches the hearts of people in many different ways- I think. I know for me, it is a reminder of how much I love my little girl and how much her mother loved her as well. In your story, the mother was burned and horribly afflicted. In my daughter’s case, her mother was diseased with alcoholism and horrible afflicted. But she was trying with all her heart and soul to get better, so she could some day be the mother she could not be as my daughter grew. The day I saw her, she was at a twelve-step meeting, trying to stay sober. The same day that I refused to speak to her because of past pains, may God forgive me…

Your story has changed my heart in many ways. It is too painful to even say how, but the changes are all for the good. When my daughter gets older, I believe I will have her read this story, and in the meantime, I will love her with all my heart.

God bless Nicki, and thankyou…
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Review of Epitaphs  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for your entry. You have captured the Epitaph poem perfectly. this will be a hard contest to judge. Great job!
25
25
Review of Panarchy  
Rated: E | (5.0)
What follows is my honest and heartfelt review and rating of your work. My reviews are meant to be helpful and hopefully, encouraging. Remember, I am just one voice and one opinion. The rating system means many things to many people. Here is what it means to me: Anything below three stars needs a ton of revision. Three stars represents writing that is good, but needs improvement. Four stars is writing that is very good, touches something within me, and has quality. Five stars is writing that needs no revision, moves me intellectually or emotionally, and has quality.

Quality: degree of excellence; a distinguishing attribute; an acquired skill; the attribute of an elementary sensation that makes it fundamentally unlike any other sensation.

MY REVIEW:
Sounds like quantum physics to me. Einstein rolled in his grave, I’m sure, over that, but I think he would have gotten a kick out of this poem. I bet he would have hung it on a wall somewhere, just to remind him of the endless possibilities. I see nothing here I would change. I say Bravo! Author! Bravo!





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