Wonderful free verse- Loved the last Stanza, that was my favorite- Powerful and filled with passion. The very last line, to me, speaks of addiction- "A day of mindless repetition, awaiting her return." I can equate this to my substance abuse. A day of mindless repetition untill I could "use" again- this was my only thought. Great Job! Bravo! Sorry it took me so long to get to this wonderful write- been pretty busy. God bless you- and keep writing!
I think you write very well- what takes away from this poem to me are the cliches', "Jump in front of a bullet for you" and "be there for you twenty four seven" These are old and used. You are a good writer and can find your own words- you do not have to use these cliches'. This is just my opinion. Keep writing and God Bless!
This is a good poem- what threw me a little is the rhyme scheme- Stanza one has a little slant rhyme in it that works good, but all of a sudden stanza three seems to have a rhyme scheme that the rest of the poem does not have- A,B,A,B,0,C,0,C- the content is wonderful and wonderfully written- I just think it would flow better one way or the other- no rhyme or complete rhyme scheme- I still think this is a 4.5 poem. This is just my humble opinion. You have a wonderful muse- keep writing and god Bless!
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