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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brucef/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/13
Review Requests: OFF
1,301 Public Reviews Given
2,367 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to read novels and biographies, so if I can review them at the same time, why not. My ratings are usually at the high end because I think if someone has taken the time and effort to write a large piece, it is an achievement. The review will give the opportunity to flag up typographic errors. I do not mark down ratings for these errors because they are easily fixed.
Favorite Item Types
Rhyming Verse. Novels and short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-rhyming poetry.
I will not review...
Erotica, Vampire and Wolf stories. Their stories are all very samey to me.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 9 10 11 12 -13- 14 15 16 17 18 ... Next
301
301
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this section very much. Not only to I get to, almost, experience places I have never visited, and not likely yo visit. But I am also treated to a wealth of well drawn characters that our narrator meets along the way. The bungee and African wildlife was great and I enjoyed the "bug" hunt. Now we have a camper van in Canada. Bliss. Didn't notice any errors, but I have been on the boat for a couple of days so was reading in small bits. Looking forward to more of this.
302
302
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A bit up and down for me. I like the cows part, and the avocado and all the social stuff, but I get a bit uninterested now in the moon and stars stuff, even though I can see it is a major part of the tale. My interest is still high though. I found the change from 5 to 6 a bit abrupt and had no hint of moving on to another adventure or country. 6 gives enough though to awaken my interest with the diving and general touring. I am looking forward to the next part.
Noticed a few bits: and the marriage was ceremony was over, / This is a nice one. Not to (too)high, / Anyway, as for the The Tradewinds. / wires (s)ticking out the walls / little or no music to (be) found on that pedestrian street /.
303
303
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I continue to enjoy this item. I don't know how much is fact and how much is fiction, but I don't think it matters as I am enjoying the journey being taken by the narrator. It is something different credible and not far fetched.
Noticed a couple of bits: I saw we were passing by (a) small village. / I saw others wear (were) wearing those. Gloves, scarf and everything - that's is ( that's, or, that is) a real winter out there.
304
304
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a good read and has some interesting parts. I particularly like the way we are taken on a journey with the main character. Although the colour part was good, I seem to think it went on too long and I started to lose interest. I persevered because it is a review, but if I were reading it in a magazine I may have skipped through some of it. The second chapter was brilliant though and a very enjoyable read throughout.
Couple of typo's: the color of the lake ..." (new line) "I know, I know. But, hey, it worked, didn't it?" / is it really green?", I ask.
305
305
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A good start to a story and well written with no errors except one typo: put I(t)n all in the dishwasher. It does gain the interest of the reader (me) and poses question prompting me to read on: Why has this happened to him and where will he go from here? I look forward to finding out.
306
306
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You have a good start to the story and it is such that I want to read more. The quality of your writing is very high and refreshingly good. I can not fault it except for the noticeable missing text at the end, and even then I have to wonder what would follow. Very well done and welcome to W.D.C.
307
307
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
There is plenty to think about in this opening chapter. The criminal element kicks it off with tension and action that immediately grabs the interest of the reader. We settle down to the next part regarding what seems to be a main character settling in, but with a look back to a bad relationship of domestic violence. The chapter is very well written, in my opinion, and I spotted no errors. I think this has great potential and I look forward to the next chapter.
308
308
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.0)
A good chapter and a nice length to work with. We have an action packed first part and an interesting last part. The middle, however, seems to me to be a great block of narrative which I feel makes it tedious and confusing to read. I think you should make parts of the narrative more a part of the story and show us the events as they happen. As I got to the sixth paragraph I sort of lost interest and skipped forward. A couple of points: you need to go through your work checking for missing full stops and commas, also you have "vile (evil)" a couple of times, which should be "vial" (container). Don't be put of by my comments as you have the potential for a good story here, and I look forward to more.
309
309
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, and welcome to W.D.C. You have a good start to the story, putting questions to the reader. In my case this is enough to make me want to read on. The start is good and straight into the story, but I think the end is a bit abrupt and maybe include a comment about Marlene and Daniel that perks our interest a bit more.
Commas when speaking to someone are a bit hit and miss. Some you have: ("Honey, you know we are not allowed to discuss our work ). But most have not: "Happy birthday shorty" said Angela (should be) "Happy birthday, shorty," said Angela. You need to check through putting in the commas: if the person addressed is at the front of the dialogue, comma behind the name, at the end of the dialogue, before the name, in the middle of the dialogue, at the front and back of the name. You also need to look though checking for missing full-stops.
Typos and suggestions: / miss Potts (Miss Potts / three O'clock (o'clock) / I have been living my whole life in here, in Australia. Delete the first "in" and comma / She had been to Europe and didn't know about (it). / some centuries ago lost sword : some centuries old lost sword / Near the end, you don't need the surname Lansdale for Harry and Amanda.
This story is interesting and has good potential. I look forward to more from you.
310
310
Review of Helping  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice thoughts. I think though that it looks a bit awkward on the page. Perhaps break the long lines up so it runs nicely down the page. Keep at it though because I think that your message comes across well. Welcome to W.D.C. I look forward to more from you.
311
311
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Although no combat action there is quite a lot going on in this chapter giving the reader lots to think about and take in. Everything is credible given the fantasy category. I like the way the sickness is added to the plot and wonder if it has any greater significance. Another good read and a good ending to the chapter ensures that I read on.
Minor typo's: “The weather(')s great!” / Eack of them had bloodshot eyes (Each).
312
312
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
In this chapter the reader (me) is on edge in anticipation of an attack. This adds a lot of tension and is well handled with the fears of our hero's and the nonchalant attitude of their captor. It all works well.
“Make way,” the man said. “Make way, make w- Move!” What a great line giving a superb image.
"Branston replied, trying to to make his voice" Repeated word.
"The air was warmer, if still a cool. " Seems to be missing a word.
Another good read.
313
313
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This chapter is strong on the fantasy theme of the story. I can easily visualise a scene even without any prompts. If a man walks in a bar, I can see the bar, even if it is not as the author sees it. That said, we have a scene here where there seems to be only fog and darkness and it is done well because that is all that I can see in the part. Perfectly captured atmosphere. The hook at the end ensures that I read on. One of my favourite chapters.
Probable typo's: pulled out the(space)small stone fish pendant / Branston rode at a trot so the others could keep (up). / five miles of flat land through the tress (?)
314
314
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Yet again we have a good and interesting chapter and we have learned more about the wolgs. Visually it is easy to follow what is going on. We know that the friends will probably meet up, but under what circumstances? A very good end to the chapter prompting me to read on. I spotted no typo's.
315
315
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The pace slows down to give the reader a bit of a rest as the characters stay at the inn. Faldashir tends to go missing, but will surely turn up again. Olivar's character fits well in to the story though Vigo seems a bit distant. More information is given and this moves us on a bit.
"The ex-Dragon Guard Olivar, by the wide-brimmed hat." I feel something is missing in this line.
"So I stabbed my father.” This is such a major event and I think it needs to be worked more.
"We’re heaving breakfast and leaving." Should this be having?
Another good read, and I am eager to read on.



316
316
Review of Daffodil  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
A refreshingly good enjoyable poem. I can't fault it. Always a winner to me, rhyming verse about nature. Have you thought about entering it in the monthly competition on here: Poetic Traditions Poetry Contest? I hope to browse more of your work when time permits.
317
317
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
We get more information and see new characters in this chapter. This happens at just the right time and insures the continued interest.
A few probable typo's noted: "Right now everybody (h)as bigger problems." / Bran(s)ton feeling far from satisfied from his few bites of meat, / We'd have mamy (many) more problems from the dragons alone. / Omce (Once) they were seated the taller man said, / Olivar looked at Brantson (Branston) /
(Many of the houses let loose pillars of black smoke that gathered above the town.) Given the nature of the story, when I read this I thought that the town had been raided and torched. Maybe: Many of the houses' chimneys (Only a thought.) I notice that this chapter has no paragraph spacing, making it less pleasant to the reader.
Anyway, I am enjoying this story and think you have talent. I look forward to reading on. As typo's are easily missed and soon fixed, and the comments are just my opinion, I still give this a high rating because of the content.
318
318
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Some good surprises in this chapter. Usually I can often guess what may happen next and it is refreshing to follow a story where the unexpected, but credible happens. So far I am impressed with this storyline. "You remember the wolgs?" At first I thought this was a miss-spelling of wolves, but realised it could be a fictional name for the animals. "Branston shook his head. / "No, thank you. I got it." He tied the long sack" There seems to be a line break in this paragraph. / "Branston couldn't help feeling that was meant for guilt," I don't understand this sentence.
This sure is a page turner and I can't wait to read on. The writing, as usual, it to a high standard.
319
319
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Another exciting and interesting chapter. It poses some questions to the reader; What is the saldacrosse? Where is Faldashir and what is he doing? What happens next. I spotted no typo's or errors in this well-written chapter and look forward to more.
320
320
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A well-written action packed starting chapter which can keep the reader's interest and attention. Shame about the horses, maybe not for animal lovers.
"Branston's node wrinkled" Should this be nose? "arrowhead pointing towards the murky clouds." Threw me a bit because I thought it would be pointing down. "Branston squirmed" followed by "Branston tried" seems (to me) a bit disjointed.
Worth reading on and finding out what happens next and finding out what fate has befallen his father.

321
321
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Another good chapter retaining the interest. I can't see the significance of the secret room in the library, but it will no doubt come into the story again later on. I like where you are going with this and it seems an original idea. From the appearance of the police right to the end when the mysterious change occurs in people's memories and a strange man appears makes this and enjoyable and entertaining read. Very well done.
322
322
Review by Bruce.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
What a great chapter to begin a story with. The opening line is a visual delight that sets the scene for the story's character. I didn't spot any typo's or errors, though I personally would prefer "lit with flood lights". The chapter is written in such a way that the reader (me) is right there in the club and can easily visualise everything that is happening. The other characters could be misguided or bad, but we don't know at this point. What happens next, I wonder?
323
323
Review of Turn Around  
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
An interesting poem. The rhymes are well crafted and the words flow well and are easy to read. The content seems a little sad and I feel that it gives the reader a glimpse of the subject's surprise and sorrow at the break up. Well done with this; a good read from you as usual.
324
324
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
True to life as friends relate to each other in different ways. A good read even though nothing much seems to happen in this section. I found no errors or typo's and can see that this has potential to develop into a good story, no doubt as Adele becomes a stronger character. I wish you luck with it and thank you for posting it.
325
325
Review by Bruce.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like the way that this shows the girl's nervous insecurity about her future. A great piece of writing with a possible solution at the end, even showing clearly that it is not the preferred outcome for the girl. Another enjoyable section, and although short, gives enough to make me want to read more.
"I would rather die than work for Cathie's stuck-up family." Earlier you have spelt it as: Cathy's.
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