Nice short story concept. Should be longer. Well written with strong characters and storyline. I liked it. Keep up the good work and keep on writing! Jeff
One can see you a student of history and it reflects in your writings.This is well written and it is a strong storyline.I hope to read more and more from you in the future. Keep up the good work and keep on writing! Jeff
Not bad.I can see similarities to Harry Potter here. Probably not intended, but they are noticeable. Keep exploring your writing talent. Good luck! Jeff
I liked this piece. It has a strong storyline and strong characters. It flows aliong as you read it carrying you with the story. Great job. Keep up the good work and keep on writng! Jeff
very well written. This piece captured my attention through out and made me want to read onward until the end. That you have talent, it is obvious. I hope to see more from you in the future. Explore and expand your talent. This is a good storyline with strong characters. Keep up the good job and keep on writing! Jeff
Once again yo]ou have impressed me with your ability to pull the reader into the storyline and along with the adventure until reaching tha climax of the wedding at the end.You have a future ahead of you that you need to explore. Continue writing and do not give up. I liked this final chapter of this saga. Jeff
Wow great storyline. Yoou do a nice job of pullinbg the reader inside and along until the end. You are talented and I could picture myself back then from the descriptions and atmoshere you created here. There are strong characters here and I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Keep up the good work and keep on writing! Jeff
Nicely written. You have a good strong storyline and characters.I would like to see this expanded into book length. I think it would due well. Explore your talent and keep on writing! jeff
Your story flows keeping the reader just interested enough to keep reading until the end. You show your talent here and I look forward to reading more stories from you in the future. The characters here are good. They could be a little stronger, but you did a good job. Keep exploring your talent and Keep on writing! Jeff
Not a bad start to this piece. I see links to Harry Potter. Imagine you are a fan. I can see you are talented and I look forward to reading more from you in the future. Keep on writing! Jeff
strong storyline and character. you should think on doing more with him. I wsould read it. The ending was totally unexpected. guess that leaves out using this charater further. keep exploring your talent and keep on writing! Jeff
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