It's good to have you here at Writing.com. I like reading new authors.
This piece reminds me of my favorite refuge. Mine is in a woods also. But I don't have stream to sit by.
I think this is good but would be great with a little more imagery. Maybe by describing the sound of the water on the rocks, or how the light shining through the trees illuminates natures treasures on the ground.
Thanks for setting my poetic mind in motion. Nancy
Hey there, It's good to know that some things are universal. Even if it is picking up after your dog.
This is a cute poem. It was very discreet of you to spell the subject of this poem backwards.
When my son was a young teen, we had a miniature daschund. We used a sand pail shovel to scoop up the offending piles. My son figured out he could get the shovel under the dog just as it squatted to do it's job. That way he didn't have to dig around in the grass to get it picked up.(just a little humorous side note for you)
I like this poem, thinkI'll check out more of your 'stuff'
Hello, this touches my heart. After having seen the titles of some of your other poems, I can understand the need to write this one.
You have come to the right person to help you through the sad times. God is the ultimate helper.
Here is a suggestion. In the second verse, you use the word 'back' in the first line and it is repeated in the second line. I think the verse would read a little smoother if you edited it out of the second line, and it wouldn't change the meaning either.
I like the sentiment of the last lines. It sounds like you are ready to get on with life.
'Once again~
Let my life be mine~'
Hello, this is a clever little recipe for happiness. We are always looking for that magic which will cause happiness to appear. How blind can we be! We live in the midst of it and half the time, don't even realize it's there.
Hello, this is the second poem of yours I have read.
It is evident you have a deep love for your children and feel the frustration of not being able to make everything go 'right' for them. You are looking to the perfect source for the strength needed to do what you can.
Speaking of strength, you misspelled that word a couple times in your poem. You also need a comma after the word Lord, as you are getting His attention to speak to Him.
I'm glad you found WDC. Sometimes it helps to write out what is inside, so we can get a better look at what to do about the problems.
Hello, Welcome to Writing.Com. Glad to have you in the family.
This poem is wonderful. That word is hard to use when it is about how children are affected by divorce, but you did a good job of expressing the feelings. How lucky for Jacob that he can come to your 'sanctuary'.
I love your last verse:
"To see him make it to the top,
Not much could make me gladder.
'cause through the years, I've been here,
Building Jacob's ladder."
I'm keeping Jacob in my thoughts and prayers, Nancy
You started this Celtish tale, asking if you should keep going or stop. I WANT MORE! My own Celtish blood awakens something in my soul when I hear tales of this type.
Hello Leona, I see you are new to the site. Welcome to the family.
You present a good message; comparing finding God in life's darkness to God bringing life and light with creation.
The title is misspelled in the beginning section(not the body of the work). I also think punctuation would make the piece: flow smoother, and be easier to read.
What a clever title. I also like the concept of this poem. Way to use the brain!!!
It has a good message. However, I think it would be easier to read if the words were typed in a bigger font, and they were centered on the page. I know you want to maintain the 'shape of the poem, but, I think a little bigger(that's an oxymoron) font would fit.
This is a nice little song for the 4-7 age group you are targeting. Beginning with the chorus is a good introduction for the song. It isn't indicated as such, but I am assuming the chorus is to be sung again at the end.
Okay!!! This is superb! I have seen and appreciated imagery, but this is the best I've ever seen!
I usually get bored with 'stuff' that isn't poetry. Not with this!! Your creative juices worked overtime on this one.!!! There aren't enough exclamation marks to emphasize my admiration for this piece!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good morning Melizabeth, What an excellent reminder of God's choosing His best for us. And a reminder as well of our choice to accept what He offers. The last line is perfect. 'But for His love'. Without it where would we be?!!
I see no errors in spelling or grammar. The poem reads smoothly throughout.
Thank you for creating and sharing this a few years ago so I can enjoy it today. Nancy
Oh, this is wonderful. I think you have expressed what many feel; the unworthiness, the uselessness, the broken spirit. And yet at the end you have the perfect solution. "But just resting in you, is enough".
I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling errors.
Hello, welcome to Writing.Com. Hope you feel right at home.
This piece is filled with despair. You did a good job of getting that feeling across to the reader. I hope the despair is no longer with you!
The rhyming and rhythm are very good. There is one small typo. In line 16 you typed the letter 'e' in the word 'slowely' It should be spelled 'slowly'.
This is also my desire. I love the first lines: "May I be so in sync with God, To hear his every call." That is my relationship with Him.
The line I just mentioned needs a little fixing to sound right(at least to my ear). The use of the word 'to' in the second line is bothersome to me. It doesn't feel like a complete sentence. My suggestion:'May I be so in sync with God, That I hear his every call'. Again, this is just one person's opinion.
The rhythm in the last two verses is a little off. There seem to be too many syllables in some of the lines. Example: third verse, second line; I might take out the word 'much'. Or maybe change 'attempting' to 'trying'.
I totally identify with what you are saying in this piece. The ending line is good. We should always share the good things about our Lord.
Hi again, now this sounds like good poetry. You said what you wanted to say in a poetic manner. You are getting real handle on this.
You wrote good 'stuff'. You truly don't have to fear day and night, because when God makes a promise, He keeps it. He said He win't let you fall, and He won't.
Good writing. Nancy
Hey Momo, you do such a good job of telling what is inside your heart. There are still a few grammatical spots to work on, but that is okay. It seems this is good therapy for you, as it is for us all. It is sometimes good to write out things we cannot say out loud.
Your writing is improving. Your grammar sounds much better than piece number two that I reviewed.
You are right to just pray for your family now. Living silently the way God wants you to will show them what He is all about. I'll pray for you and them.
As I said this piece shows improvement. Keep writing!
Nancy
Hi, This is the second of your pieces I am reading. This one, like the first, does a good job of showing your feelings. This one needs a little more grammar work. For example the line-- 'I always wondered how it be like if I died' needs to be revised. 'I always wondered what it would be like if I died.'-- and 'could of' should be 'could have'.
You have made a good start. I'm glad you are writing. Keep working to improve. That is always my goal, to improve my writing. Nancy
Hi there, Glad to have you here on Wdc. I will be reviewing you portfolio.
This is a good place to start. You explain a lot in this piece. Pouring out your heart is often good for the soul. Giving the problems to God to work out for you is also good for the soul.
The rhyming loosely follows a pattern, but with the subject matter, form and poetic rules don't really matter. You wrote what you feel, and feelings don't follow rules.
Good job! Nancy
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