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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/davidwhalen/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
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318 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of MISCELLANEA  
for entry "WHEN SNOWFLAKES DANCE
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The title is what got my attention! I think if the title is not eye-grabbing then the reads will not be forthcoming, and this title almost made me like the poem before even reading it. I always love nature poems and Winter is one of my favorite seasons. A poem has to make me feel good for having read it and I could care less about syllable counts, Though I recognize that they are important to most other writers. This on had all the components that I look for in a poem. I especially liked the usage of repetition in the second line of each verse. Had this used more description It would have easily earned a 5 star rating. A very good write.
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (5.0)
I knew you had it in you! Now it's a 5
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I especially liked this because It's a dark departure from the usual run of Halloween poems. Besides being well written, it dared to step outside of the ordinary. (And it's kinda creepy, which is a good thing in this case)
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (4.5)
I loved this poem too Christina! I would like it even better still if you could manage to change "furious discontinuances." Such a rhythmic poem as this deserves a better word than 'discontinuances', which is the only place that this poem even remotely sounds forced. (and that could be to my ear alone!). I would have rated this a perfect 5 if my tongue had not tripped over this single word. Still it's an outstanding poem!
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
a well written bit of free verse (free verse being something I'm not good at), which, if not actually so would lead one to think that the writer has experienced the thoughts expressed in this write. An interesting take on a moment in life. Nothing to quibble about in this poem. All good!
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (4.5)
Firstly I must say that I like this poem very much, and all the more so because of your ability to make it follow that strict format. Something that I've never been able to do in any of my poetry and which is probably something that Is a serious shortcoming in my writing. I like also that the poem is written as a question. It's written well and has good rhythm (hard to do given that format). It needs no changes and is fine just as it written. My preference in the third verse would be to not use "object" and "Abject" as rhyme choices since to me they sound mildly forced. My choice would have been "object' and perhaps "suspect" since there would be the added alliteration "Empty space are suspect", but that's just a personal thing and is probably of no real relevance. The poem is fine just as it is!
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Review of Our Harvest Moon!  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Jaiam, this is one of the best romantic, free verse poems written by a man that I think I've ever read so far. This genre, to me, seems(or until now seemed) to be the province of mostly the female gender, but you've definitely make a great incursion into that female stronghold. I've tried it a few times with little success. Congrats on helping show that we men can write romantic free verse as well as the girls. At least you can! (I'm still workin' on it) I wish I could rate this, but the rating part on this page is not available and I cannot give you the 5 that you deserve.
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Review of Drizzle on a Lake  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice Nature write LaPia. I'm a sucker for a good Nature poem and they're my favorite type to try to write. I especially like the line: A sprinkle of rain fell undisturbed, on Earth's tympanic mirror. Nice word choices throughout.
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Review of Sweet Cardinal  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely written Lisa, The only fault I have with it is that it's much too short1 It left me wanting to read a bit more. Rhyme was great, rhythm was great, everything just as it should be. Simple and uncomplicated and colorful. Hard to go wrong with a subject like Nature and i love poetry about birds!
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely done in every manner. your writing is very sophisticated, and technically wants for nothing. I would give this write a 5 if it were more colorful and detailed in it's descriptions. A much more textured view of the surface of the lake, and the trees and even the band of little boys would have broadened the appeal of this already very appealing poem. Go for details and contrast a bit more. Make me feel as if I'm actually there in my mind. I'm a nutcase on description so don't take my opinions too seriously. It's a great write just as it it. (I go overboard myself too often)
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Review of Bloom  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sarah, the first line gave me pause for a few minutes. "brightest blossom limbs" just didn't make sense to me at first, Then I figured you were just poetically saying "the limbs with the brightest blossoms." Once I got over my mental block I realized it made perfect sense and I was just too dense to parse it correctly (my bad!) Now that my head has cleared I realize it's an excellent haiku.
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for entry "Greet the day
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Sounds like a perfect Haiku to me, Dave!
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Review of Our lives  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I liked everything about this dblameck, The rhyme and rhythm are both nicely done. It's a well worn subject which makes it harder still to be original with. Only one question: does this poem follow the prompt?
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (4.0)
John, I think you might be an ol' dude like me, judging from the tone that only time, age and experience can bring to one's writing. Rhyme is my preferred medium, so I'm not a great judge of free verse, but I like the laid-back attitude expressed in this one. You make me feel a kinship to you and I respect your ability to do that. Well done my man!
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Excellent poem in all manner. The rhyme is far superior to what is usual on most poetry sites. The rhythm also is far above the norm. Incorporating all those poet's names had to require a lot of thought and to make them all fit logically is certainly no small feat. The only thing I didn't like was the extreme length of it, though that's probably a shortcoming on my part and not yours, since I have a very short attention span. Good luck in the contest DR. I'm sure this is going to be a serious contender. You do good work!
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Very clever idea Lars, making the words of the title be the lead-in for each verse. Rhyme is good, concept is novel, All good here, not a thing to fault. Well done!
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very clever and well written, nicely rhymed bit of work! You ought to send some of your stuff down to Nashville. (really!!) I think you have an innate talent for writing country lyrics! The only thing I can find to grumble with is, you left out my personal favorite "George Jones". (and you left out pickup trucks, freight trains, hound dogs, fishing, Momma gettin' outta jail and watermelon wine). Only kiddin' Sue! Great job!
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Review of My Brother  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nicely written in every way. Sometimes I think life experience is a requisite to be a good writer. You have to know life before you can write convincingly about it. Unfortunately I had the same experience as you with the exception that in my case I unknowingly provided the gun with which he was killed, but in addition to that, the killer was his son, my nephew, who is now in prison. But, who knows, perhaps he's in a happier place, and I simply push the bad thoughts from my memories and replace them with good ones. Again,Chickpea, a fine write which really shows your emotions and loss. Truly, I can relate.
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Review of Dear Grandma  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very touching write Greg, while at the same time having all the required elements of a good poem. Rhyme, rhythm and emotion, all there in good measure. Nice (and refreshing) to read competent writing.
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A great write Countrymom! I truly know your feelings, sad to say. I lost my youngest daughter on her 16 birthday. I guess she was fortunate (if a death at age 16 could in any way be fortunate): in that it was unexpected and quick. So I truly know your feelings, as a large part of me died that day. Enough self pity!! A great write, and a bittersweet, but sensitive piece of poetry by an accomplished writer. I take solace in the belief that nothing truly ends and that one door closing only causes another to open. My sincere sympathies.
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Review of Destiny  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (4.5)
A great write Man B, I am very partial to rhyme and you do it very well! I especially liked the line "not determined by fate, not read in the stars." Nice for a change to read a poet who knows how to spell, punctuate and rhyme, Way to go!
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Review of Discovery  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Lin this was great! The fourth stanza gave me a bit of trouble as far as rhythmn, but I think I just need some time to read it just right! Even though one verse gave me a tussle (probably my fault!) everything is as it should be, the rhyme is great, rhythm is nice, the feel of the poem conveyed well, so I'm giving this a 5. Nice to see a well written traditional poem! Thanks for posting.
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Review of a cappella  
Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well written Liz, I gave this a 5 even though I have no idea what a kyrie is (it's not in my little dictionary) Given the nice word usage throughout the rest of the poem I'm sure it's a legitimate word, so if you reply to my commentary please let me know what it means! This was just simply nicely constructed, beginning to end. Really nice rhythm to it, but I'll bet even you didn't know it's a tongue twister too! just try to say "prayerful choral cantors" or "lilting tree frog choirs" three times as quick as you can! I betcha can't!! All kidding aside I really liked it! Thanks for posting.
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
You Jaiam, are indeed a serious and gifted poet, and I am an old dyed-in-the-wool traditional rhyming poet! But I still know and recognize good writing when I see it, even if it is outside my genre. I usually don't continue reading a poem unless the first verse or first few lines grab and keep my attention. This kept me reading eagerly all the way through! I'm not really qualified to judge free verse, but to me this seemed excellently done! Nothing to improve on!
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Review by David O'Hao...
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked this! Everything was in it's place, rhyme was good (not forced), nice flow, sweet sentiments, and an unbroken theme from beginning to end. A plus being the good punctuation and spelling. (something that more than a few poets seem to feel is not necessary any more) And like you, I like a few good old fashioned "whences, flo'rs and such in poems, as they make poetry seem more poetic!
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