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3,529 Public Reviews Given
4,106 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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326
326
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Wintersage,

This is certainly an interesting story beginning. It raises many story questions.

It also has dialogue although one sided at the moment.

I was a little confused by the varying mood of the violet caped lady.

She feels the fear, sees the sadness of the girl, and she herself feels guilty, but then later her voice drips with sarcasm.

It does raise story questions, yet I'm not sure why she feels guilty. Or if she has empathy for this girl. Maybe she thinks she's weak and pathetic?

Still, it makes me want to read more.

I like the imagery, the swirls of color. The mystical part of what's happening.

The girls reaction seems believable considering she's in a dark place and afraid.
I hope to see where this leads and how things progress.

Thanks for the read. Please let me know if you edit it or add more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
327
327
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Roari,

I hope the third time is a charm as I wrote this three times already. First two times disappeared sudeenly.
I'mm determined if anything.

First, I want to say this is looking fabulous.

Second, I have an idea you might like. Or maybe not. Anyway I'll present it and you can decide.

What I liked: rich imagery, character development, use if latin (I think it was latin) the intro draws you in and you just have to keep reading.

I liked the action at the beginning. The interaction and actions seemed to be in a natural way.

I liked the dialogue too but felt that Jessa and Jerran needed to talk to each other a little. It would show rather than tell.

What might need editing:
The words they started walking maybe change to they walked. It feels more immediate.

Here you might want to edit:

* By midday, they could see the village wall.

You might say,
By mid-day straight ahead of them was the village wall.


* Now about that idea I mentioned. I know it says His name is not spoken but could maybe the Veldassae might call him Deus Invictus

It has meaning. God/unconqerable.

I don't know what happens later but this entity might be gone in their existence yet still be in another plane of existence, or same spirit being yet different or maybe it's descendants.
Just a thought.

* I might have liked the story broken up a little. And have chapters, each maybe providing links to each section. It makes it easier for the reader to sit through it...although there was no lack of interest for me.

Good read, interesting beginning, and a hint that's there's more to come. Keep it up!

Let me know if there's more to this story or you edited it. I can see this becoming so much more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
328
328
Review of Billy  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi WD Wilcox,

I judging by "Billy"  [ASR]
see you write a variety of genres. I like westerns especially the spaghetti westerns. You don't see them too often. I'm wishing they'd make more.

This one being a western allows the reader to view a fight in a oldtime salloon. I can imagine the bar and barkeep and those long behind the bar mirrors, they always seemed to have. It would be easy to watch someone discreetly

I like how Billy is so aware and watching. He picks up on what the other patrons are doing and what they are watching. The bits of info indicates what these guys are up to.

The tension builds as the other two men exchange glances several times. Billy knows they are up to something, yet is discreetly monitoring what's going on.

The actions indicate it's aight over the card game but what else is happening. Billy's in top form to handle it though.

* I didn't find a typo here:
You gonna back up them words?” asked the card (sharp), (I think you meant shark.). It's easily fixed.

Other than that everything looks good. Enjoyed the read. It's not the usual showroom shootout but still you captured the scene.

Thanks again. Keep on writing. I want to see what else you come up with. I have you on my list.
Guessing it means I favorited you. :*)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
329
329
Review of Try The Uni  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again, W.D. Wilcox,

Since the last story I read of yours I decided to see what other treasures you have. I'm not disappointed.
I found "Try The Uni" .

* The title is appropriate.
* The premise is of an experience eating Uni for the first time, and possibly the last.

* Imagery is at its best. I began giggling here:

size of a hacked-off finger, stretched across a scoop of sticky rice.

Hmm-hmm...sounds good, don't it

* Note: hmm hmm is okay but I'm thinking of mmm mmm which is the sound I make when the thought of something delicious makes my stomach growl-- Please feed me already! Haha

I just got this feeling things might not go swimingly. (After all we later see those little boats and their er.. passengers. {R:laugh}

* You had me at the prolonged bowing, and it continues for me through the japanese patrons partaking of the " manned boats" floating around.

* When you watched the others eating the snot-like edible you decided to also partake.

After several sakes everything really had gotten to be fun and an adventurourus
But then, that first swallow...

Oh boy, at first I thought maybe it got stuck in and scorched your throat, but this was even better.

I can imagine all those experienced execs watching you as you transformed into a mini-missile launcher. haha!!

Yep, I'm laughing at your sad mistake.

I will share what happened to me. I thought I'd written a piece but maybe it was in my blog.

Good read. Thanks for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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330
Review of Slaughterhouse  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi W.D. Wilcox,

I found "Slaughterhouse"  on your port and read it.

* I liked the intro to the story.

* I must say you did well with all the vivid imagery and the feelings that went along with it.

You made it easy to visualise these things and the eventual madness that follows.

* There was a little dialogue yet not too much, and it was done well. I like dialogue when it's not overdone.

* Reviewers thoughts: I can only imagine what it would be like to work in a slaughterhouse. Surely it might cause someone to turn vegetarian. The sights, sounds, and scent of it must be awful. The fear if the animals probably would make me cry, yet I was raised to eat meat, always told the food pyramid portions.

Anyway, this was truly a horror story and done well.

I have no suggestions because I didn't notice anything to edit.

Thanks for sharing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
331
331
Review of Wake Up  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Jacky,

If I keep reading your stories I might be here all night, but I can't seem to stop myself. Your port is turning into my one of favorites.

Title: Wake Up is an appropriate title. But it could have easily been titled The Decision.

Premise: the character/ person (no name given) is dreaming it seems yet later realises it's not a dream and now must decide what to do even though either way it doesn't quite end well.

Grammar, punctuation, Etc: no problem with that

Comments: I've noticed but didn't mention before how several of your stories have dialogue. I love when there is some and it serves the purpose. Yours is done well.

Good read. Interesting Ending.
Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of That Moment  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jacky, I noticed That Moment while looking around in WDC. I'm hear to give my thoughts on it.

Title: Appropriate

Premise: Something that many can relate to and understand.

Format: done well with proper line spacing, paragraph spacing.

The story is written in a concise way. It's easy to understand.

What stood out:
At first the scenario and happenings made me think of my own experiences with my youngest son, especially the part about being unpredictable about where to or what to eat for lunch. It can be frustrating so I handle it more carefully. And try to let him decide by giving at least two or three choices. He might say he doesn't want any of it. Either way it is then his choice.

He does remember who I am though. When he has grand mal siezures he's tried to talk and sounds like he's intoxicated. I can't understand him. Later he tells me he couldn't see me but could hear just fine. My heart breaks a little to think what he must feel like during that time.

That being said the brain is an amazing organ. It is disturbing when something goes wrong,

You did something really well here. Without naming this problem you have shown what's going on.

It is really nice when our loved ones are interacting positively. This had a feel good ending moment.

Thanks for sharing. Happy New year!


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333
333
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Richard~,

I read your item Twas the Eve before All Hallows.

Its got a nice lilt to it as we wander about noticing everything. The rich imagery adds to the feeling of all these things happening and the mood stays with us to the end.

The wording and rhythm (I always have to look this word up) is right on.

This could have been scary yet there's is that sense of foreboding,yet this reader was more fascinated by the array of things to see through your eyes.

I saw nothing that needed editing.

Good job on this.

Thanks for this adventure.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
334
334
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hhello Asherman.

I am here in the spirit of Christmas to gift you with a mini-port raid. Since I keep finding these little jewels there's no telling how long I will stay.

I just read The Lost Leprechaun Mine and here to give my thoughts on it.

Title: it was appropriate to the premise.

Premise: Two people go off on an adventurous journey in search of the mine. The mine nobody goes to since it's desolate and far.they are experienced hikers so it doesn't bother them.

Form: nicely spaced paragraphs. Sentence rhythm good.

Grammar/spelling/rythym
I did t notice any problems.

Dialogue: I didn't see any dialogue: We are told throughout this story yet I would have liked to see these two people interact, talk, express how they're feeling.

We did get some good imagery though.

I would have liked more show not tell.

Errors: Here noneof was combined. Fixed: Fortunately none of the arrows found their mark.

Reviewers notes: the tension slowly appeared and built up as we watch these to trek around in the desert. Worse yet little people seem to surround them using thier arrows on them. Too bad they didn't at least keep one if the arrows and maybe give a clue as to what tribe or people they are.

The ending indicates that something happened to others who explored that area, yet it's like a best kept secret as there's no hard evidence.

All these stories could be out in an anthology and shared through bookstores.

Enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing.


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335
335
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Asherman,

I'm doing mini-port raids as I somewhat randimly do.
I just read Between Twilight and the Night and here to give my thoughts on it.

Title: Appropriate

Story Premise: is different and interesting.

Form: good. Paragraphs are done well with line spacing
Sentence lengths and rythym is varied.

Dialogue: Good. We get a little dialogue but not too much. It's done well.

Overall the story is done well. It has the feel of another dimension something like the Twilight Zone when time and occurances aren't quite jiving.

There is no explanation as there usually isn't.

What I liked:. I liked that the man was questioning his sanity because he couldn't make sense out of what happened. It seemed logical as anyone might find a logical explanation.

Suggestions:

In one of your sentences you called the word Den. I think it should be uncapialized adults a noun but not a pronoun like a bar might be Lions Den.

I might have added something indicating his appearance. Maybe he glanced in the mirror by the front door (or at a lpknd if water at the park and saw his reflection. Did he have a five o'clock shadow then?
Did he later?

The kicker was his wife's last question and so it was rather amusing.

I enjoyed reading this short take. Thanks for sharing.


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336
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Review of The Cat  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Captain Midnight. I just read your story--The Cat and am here to give my thoughts.

Wow. I mean BIG Wow! This was such a good read I absolutely could not stop reading it. I'm glad I saw this.

In this story the adventure began when the man was on his journey. Then the unease started, and as he moved onward it became even more apparent, then intensified and kept growing all long. We saw the man's thoughts as he slowly realised that this journey might not turn out as he expected.

I especially liked this line--. I wondered aloud to myself(t) if (S)asquatches really existed.

I can relate to this kind of thinking. Still, I had to laugh a little at the thought. The fear is so real.

The description of his surroundings is rich with imagery. It's got sounds-- incredible silence where you hear the slightest thing so clearly. The prowling of the cat and the sounds really increase the tension as it watches and waits like a overgrown child waiting for a Happy Meal.

I only saw a few places I thought needed editing, which I left using ( and ). These are easily fixed.

I might have added a line space between the next to the last and last paragraph to indicate a change.

Other than that this was exciting to read.

Thanks so much for sharing.


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337
337
Review of Date Night  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Snow,

I just read your item Date Night and here to give my thoughts on it.

It's good that we have some dialogue going on at the beginning as we see these two meet up

Below is what I noticed:
"Good to see you again. Have a seat," Gail greeted as he extended his hand. (I would keep her dialogue separate from his actions) by dropping down a line space and revising the sentences.

"Thank you. What do you want to do today after we finish eating?"

* Braille sat down right next to wall on the booth.

Might want to revise this on to--sat down on the booth right next to the wall.

I was getting confused at first because of the names. I thought I read wrong. I had a cousin named Gail but she's female.

* hazelnut made me think of coffee creamer. But hazel eyes I totally get.

I wanted to hear thier thoughts as it feels more natural. Maybe one if them could reach across the table and hold hands. A sign of affection. The other person's eyes might soften and a slight smile might appear.

This story happens in a logical order. It has a beginning, middle, and end so that's good.
Thanks for sharing.




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338
338
Review of My First Concert  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Lazy Writer,

I was viewing your portfolio a d saw this little atory--My First Concert.

Judging by the title I misunderstood. I wondered if you sang or played a musical instrument, but realised my mistake. Either way I enjoyed your story I take it this is a real experience some things I mention might not be applicable.

I like dialogue and kind of wanted to see dialogue between these girls as they plan out thier adventure.

I liked that we were surprised to find out thier extended plans, and happy to know those last ones didn't work outmaninly because it worried me some that they could end up in a strange place with resources to be safe.

I certainly can imagine the joy and excitement as they prepare and are at the concert.
I remember when I was an adolescent the Beatles were asensatiin. As a teen one if my close friends told me she😯was a Beatles Bobbie at the time I wasn't sure what that meant or how you became one. She was crazy for John Lennon. I decided Ringo was the one I liked best. Many days were spending listening to thier music. Rarely, if ever, did we hear one we didn't like.

Anyway, back to the review. You did a good job at Shari g this. I didn't seeing any series as far as spelling it things like that.

Thanks for sharing.



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339
339
Review of Rule Britannia  
for entry "Chapter 5" 
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello nanu nano Mike,

Things are moving along as all prepare for the event.

Your transitions are smooth so we can easily figuring out what happened. Good job.
In this chapter we see a bit of Clive's background. This seems to work out because of his aloneness, although he has no choice.

Interesting story here. Increase in interest for Clive's journey.
Favorite part: it's hard to choose. I liked where Clive actually gets to view the sword up close.

Thanks for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
340
340
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Richard,

It is quite an interesting story, which has tension and what we thought about the thief at first ends up changing later on. Nice twist on this.

* Here is what I noticed as far as where editing might be needed to prevent the reader from hesitating during reading it.

* Detective Martin,” catching his breath, “Can I like to ask you a question?” <<Remove the word like.

Below I noticed places where caps were needed.
* Sir, if you could,” pointing to the old guy(')s right coat pocket
* (M)ay I read the note, sir?

Ah and the last part adds a little fun. Cute ending. The poppo (as some call police) was surprised, amused, and also uplifted somehow.



* “What in the name of heaven...how...?” << this had a repeat of words.
* "Could you open that, sir

* “What in the name of heaven...how...?” << this had a repeat of words.

Ah and the last part adds a little fun. Cute ending. The poppo (as some call police) was surprised, amused, and also uplifted somehow.

Good read. Thanks for sharing. I'm starting to think this could be a series of our favorite detective/police/etc.

Have you ever read some of the old dime novels? I can't think of the names of them but in those different writers wrote little stories which featured this same character in it (detexctuve if I remember right. They were truly unique but each author has their own style of writing, so each story was different and some were easier to read than others. I collected a few and may have to dig them out. Nick Carter was one of my favorites. They were created in 1886, yet were popular for a long time after that too.


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341
341
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello 50k,

I read your story The Day of the Blackout. I enjoyed reading it as we see characters experiencing a drastic change in the weather and how everyone copes with it. It feels realistic.

* We did get some good imagery about the
*. In the 4th? paragraph there are a reptition of words. You might want to reword it to make it more concise. Either way I did understand.

I combined some sentences to show you what I meant. Feel free to use any or all of it if you want. If not, that's okay too.


I finished packing up, gathered my things, and met up with dad in the car. The ground is dry. No snow or ice except a little near the road. Placing my suitcase in the car I got in.

I'm not comfortable driving on snowy roads even though i had a learner's permit so I didn't offer to drive.

When we got to the church where everyone was meeting, we finally left for the retreat out by Cozad.

Can you see how so much is said in fewer sentences?

When the lights suddenly went out I almost expected a quiet then maybe a scream or maybe a child scurrying to her mother or maybe a parent reassuring them.

Maybe not necessary but it's just what my mind saw. Everyone is startled.

I liked that you had dialogue in this but might have liked more maybe as they drive towards this place they'd talk about the weather just a little.


It certainly can be scary with downed tree limbs and electrical lines. Two days iwithout electricity. I wonder how they are and such.
Good read.


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342
342
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Deborah Owen,

I like this but if information you gave on this item. I always wondered what my voice or style sounded like or if I even had one.

I think youre right about reading several stories that the author you admire has written.

I read Jim Butchers Harry Dresden Files but I doubt I write like him. I like his tidbits of humor and the way the character thinks.
I like how things tend to not be as they appear to be. Maybe I have that backward. haha.

Anyway hopefully you know what I mean.

I could appreciate your classes, but it looks like you're no longer on wdc. Or for some reason I'm not seeing you except for your anniversary notice. He's also got some fantasy going on which takes us to another works where the rules are different.

I think I will try what you mentioned about reading a paragraph and try to rephrase it and you can compare styles

Anyway happy anniversary if you are still on here.

Thanks for sharing.



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343
343
Review of Strays  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Mara,


This story has some dialogue and just enough to add dimension to it. Done well.

Story starts with a situation after a shared tragedy which put these two together.

The relationship starts off shaky but once they talk they understand each other much better.

Often people don't think of what kinds of things police officers might go through emotionally, and form ideas that don't fit.

Liked this part--
How many times had he silently reasoned his life was less important than another because he didn't have a wife and kids to leave behind, or worked overtime and holidays for the same reason?

*. Thanks for sharing. Another Happy birthday wish!



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344
344
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hlo again Mara McBain,

In a Moment's Breath.

Here's another story found in your port.

It has lots of rich imagery. In this one too.

It's truly a sad heartbreaking thing to have happen. One minute a child is so alive with wonder and joy, the next a child is gone We see the child delighting in the minnows, but for some reason he's no.lomger laughing or teasing the minnows.

I think you captured the feelings well, plus we see the husband being supportive although no words are spoken.its shown through his actions. Often times there's a split after the death if a child but not here.

Good job on this piece.
Thanks for sharing.
Happy Birthday!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
345
345
Review of Night and Day  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Mara McBain,

I just read Night and Day.

Impression:

This story has some rich imagery in it. Yet is not overdone and so we feel those things the character feels.

The characters feel real too.


What I didn't see was dialogue at all or I missed it. I kind of wished Jewel and our character had spoken. I felt it might round out her character .

Maybe this contest didn't allow dialogue. Either way you did an excellent job telling the story without using dialogue.

And the end was just right. I see no errors in this item.

Thanks for sharing and happy birthday!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
346
346
Review of Rule Britannia  
for entry "Chapter 4" 
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Nano Nonu Mike,

I'm on Chapter Four.

* It's looking good. After that punch in the face last time we know these guys mean business. Certainly Clive has second thoughts, yet now he knows not accepting could be dangerous to his own well-being.

Yet I wouldn't state the obvious. Let reader figure it out.
I'd leave this part out or make it more subtle somehow.

Pence seemed to be saying that, should he decline to participate...

*We also see they are dining. Personally I might have liked seeing how they are dining. Are they at a table? A little imagery would help.

*. At least Clive gets to have what might be considered his "last supper". And now he has been told what is expected of him. The question is Will he accept or not, and how will he find his way out if it if not?

* Meanwhile things are happening at the tunnel.

I will read on. It sure is getting more interesting.

Thanks.
347
347
Review of Rule Britannia  
for entry "Chapter 3" 
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello NanoNu Mike,
I'm reviewing Chapter 3

I notice the same things here.

* Need two linespaces to break up the paragraph and show the passing of time. Hard transition at--
At precisely four o'clock, a dark blue Ford sedan pulled into the car park

Other than that I don't see any glaring problems so far.

And we do get to see how things are revealing themselves. We start worrying about Clive. It raises story questions as will Clive continue on with this "adventure" or not.






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348
348
Review of Rule Britannia  
for entry "Chapter 2" 
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello I just took a look at your second chapter. I have a few suggestions. I hope you don't mind and it's fine if you decide not to use them.

* Although merging refers to traffic for sure, my first thought was that this paragraph might work better after the part where
It starts with--
Upon entering the motorway, he was forced to fully


* The reason being is I'm an American, never been there, and didn't know what M3 was at first.

*Below is what you wrote

Not only would he be able to walk at the very centre of the henge, something the general public was not permitted to do, his group would have exclusive access for this special night. He wondered if the Queen had ever had the opportunity to visit Stonehenge, as he was about to do. He couldn't recall seeing her name on any of the supernatural- or folklore-based websites he frequented, and was sure her name would be prominently displayed on any site's visitor list. Perhaps Princess Diana, back when she had only been Lady Spencer? He would have to check, when he got back home.

* Their is a transition where we see the cars following him, yet Clive doesn't know that. I would have added an extra line space indicating these are not his thoughts and it's another perspective.

Anyway. It adds some tension and mystery to the story because we aren't sure what these other men are up to.

* There's another hard transition as we are back in Clive's actions. An extra line space indicates a change of place, time, or other change.

* Here I'd put an extra line space--

Upon reaching Grasmere House, Clive grabbed his valise and went inside to register. He paid no attention to the grey Ford that had turned in after him and driven to the east end of the car park.

* Because Clive is basically an orphan and he's been selected for something special it increases interest because we wonder why that's significant and so tension rises as we wonder if this will be a positive outcome or not.

I'm enjoying reading about them all as our seemingly happy go lucky guy starts his adventure. They all feel real to me and interact in normal ways.

We also our getting some interesting imagery along the way passing by these castles and such.

Dialogue is still strong and done well in this chapter.

Good job on this.

I will continue to follow this along. Thanks for sharing.
And happy writing!


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349
349
Review of Rule Britannia  
for entry "Chapter 1" 
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello NanuNanoMike,

This story has started off in action so right away we see something happen. That in itself raises story questions.

Everything happens in a natural way, dialogue is fine well. We have several areas with imagery.

Good job on this. I must read more to see where this goes.

Thanks for the read.

The two gentleman talking also raise more of them. These two events are related but we aren't sure yet why and what's going to happen.

It continues to draw this reader in. Must read more to see what comes about. The more story continues the more curious reader gets.


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Richard,

Wow. I loved reading this. You managed to draw me in subtly. I had a feeling about the cat and I was a bit worried for the guy. I could almost picture the surroundings possibly dense fog and shadowy figures, and eerie feeling. But I soppose tea isn't usually drank after dark anyway. Unless youre me-ow. Haha jk

Everything was very realistic. Dialogue was enough and done well.

Here I thought it might need an apostrophe --feline's fault. It's easily fixed.

Other than that it's perfect. Stories like this are fun to read. You almost wish it wasn't the end of it.

Thanks for sharing. I look forward to more of your stories.
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