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Review Requests: ON
3,529 Public Reviews Given
4,106 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look at the title, premise, overall structure first. Then I see how it makes me feel. After that, I might comment on little errors which are easily fixed.
I'm good at...
Hmm. Well you'd have to ask the one being reviewed what that be.
Favorite Genres
Paranormal, spy/detective, sci-fi, romantic suspense (hey I'm female and entitled). documentary, psychological and more.
Least Favorite Genres
Anything too gorey depending on how it's done. I don't need every little detail.
Favorite Item Types
First tell me what an item type is. haha
Least Favorite Item Types
An item has to make sense even if it uses fantasy ideas.
I will not review...
I don't like where some writer crammed six long chapters into one item area. I also don't like it if the paragraphs are so long you lose your place reading it. If you don't want me to lose interest and give up, break it up into sections and link it to the next exciting chapters. Nobody wants to sit through a detailed story for hours without a break.
Public Reviews
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351
351
Review of Can Not Be  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello again Paul,

Here we ha e a short story which uses few dialogue thatstags yet it's easy to see just who is saying what.

We also recognise just what's happening and how that's come about. She is attending her needs yet is thoughtful for those who help with that concern.

This has a supernatural touch to it which also adds interest.

Maybe a misspelling here:
Surly should be surely

Done well. Thanks for sharing.


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352
352
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Paul,


First let me say that I'm sorry for your lost. It's never easy to say goodbye.

I'm not good at reviewing things like this but I can say I liked it.

I liked the way it appears on the page but also the sweetness of such a loving remembrance and everlasting love. I did not see anything here needing editing.

Our loved ones are with us and at some point go away whether by choice or for some reason which is out of our control.

Even so, they are still loved and we hold them in our hearts.

God bless.
🙏


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353
353
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Paul,.

This was a cute little story and you did it all in dialogue.Thats not always easy to do and have it still make sense.

In this each line of dialogue adds to the story in a natural way.

You wrote:
“Why A trap? all I’ve ever done was leave a gift for the tooth.”

* I think you need to caoutaluze All and uncap A in Why a trap?

I did feel that 50 cents should be written out as fifty cents.

Thanks for the read. I look forward to seeing more of your work.


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354
354
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Cursed Spider,

I had given this a review before and I can see that I must have misunderstood and it makes perfect sense to me now.

This turned out well. I liked it when the audience laughed. I visualised it in my mind.

I can see how a life threatening incident can really make a person look at things differently.

I've been to Washington too and saw the eternal flame. It was bitter cold then.

Good job on this.


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355
355
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again Puppet Master,

Here's another story where we see how something happens which leads to something else happening. Our character knows how she feels yet she can't really go with it. That often happens.

She tries to get rid of those urges but of course something happens again. Still love prevails even if not fulfilled in ways we wish.

When character expresses emotion it should be shown like wiping tears away or some other thing is people do when they are sad. Normally you don't want to tell that they cried. Show in action.

I like where you went with the story. I wonder how you might make several of these and with enough have a book of them. Along with other things having to do with it. Thanks
Just a thought.

Thanks for sharing.




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356
356
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Puppet Master,

I just read this little story and see the virus resemblance to what has happened in real life and so the story is believable.

I liked that the character had a job which allowed her access to the palace and also get to actually meet the president.

The attraction is subtle enough to not be overly obvious. And just like real-life we see tension as the president received a gift. I'm pretty sure there's safety measures in effect but for story's sake it's believable there can be a slip up.

I didn't see any errors in this. I was too interested in what would happen next.

I liked how things changed after the character ate the deviled egg.

I can see how this story could continue on because of the offer she took afterward. If there were another chapter we might have seen the cat in action doing seemingly normal things which have a purpose to protect or bring comfort.
She might have even returned again and again depending on what she's offered yet again.

I liked that you used proper nouns.

Good storyline and like that there was dialogue done well.

Thanks for sharing. Let me know if you decide to continue with this.


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357
357
Review of Down and Dirty  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jeff-o-lantern,

This was a fun read. I liked all the dialogue and I did t see anything that needed editing.

I got a kick out of it because I can see this happening.

Good job.


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358
358
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dear Agape,

I'm not for sure what this pertains to, but I feel it's simple yet deep, in expressing how even a throng of people can be misguided and misjudge others.

I see no mistakes in this. It is food for thought.

It makes you wonder if they judge themselves the same way.

God bless.
359
359
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dawson girl,

We see much in this beginning showing us what's happening and how the person felt.

I saw no errors in this item.

My favorite part was the imagery created--

The following day at lunchtime three beautiful, raven-haired young women breezed into my room like a flock of exotic birds.

Good job on this piece . I'm assuming there might be more to it but I'm not sure.

Thanks for sharing.


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360
360
Review of Que sera sera  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Rich, Aww. Did the dog give you puppy dog eyes too?

Well it was an entertaining story . I wondered how that would turn out. I liked the inner conversation you had with yourself. Haha.

Keep on writing. Thanks for sharing.


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361
361
Review of Severance  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Soldier Nike,

I noticed this little story and hear to review it.

Poor Trey certainly seems to have a unfortunate start to life and so as he lives his life he's finding it's quite the struggle.

From then onward it seemed to get worse in all the ways that matter.and he decides to do something about it thinking it will create change.

Of course it does but not what he expected.

Nice job portraying it and that bit of surprise at the end. I see no problems or errors in this.

Thanks for sharing.


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362
362
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Roari,

This looks good. Here we have two new people and one of them she knows.

I'm starting to speculate who's the bad guy or whether there's more than one.
That's to be expected anyway and is part of the fun to see which guys are ethical people and which are twisted trouble causing ones.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
363
363
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello again Roari,

The story is progressing along as we see Sam interact with other people and we see her alternating thoughts about them too. She's decision making and it's done in logical order.
Baily is moving fast and she's not feeling good about it for several reasons. The plans he makes he does not follow through.

I did want to mention where there is an abrupt transition.

Here it is: Chills went up my spine, and I quickened my already brisk pace.

(After filling her food and water dishes, scooping her litter box, and giving her a good belly rub, I kissed Artemis on the head and locked her in for the night.)

Across Citrus, I took the shortcut through the alley behind Comics &

One minute she's walking the next she is feeding the cat, but then she's still walking.

* It might be you changed some things and didn't notice it. Unless I'm wrong then let me know . I just felt like she popped into one scene then another. It's easily fixed

Other than that I see no problems.i like the way you've written this. I need to take lessons from you.


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364
364
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Roari,

This first chapter certainly got my attention and kept it.

I liked that you used certain words at the beginning, which enhanced this feeling that something might and probably would happen very soon.

The tension built and increased in a believable way.

The imagery helped us sense this place where finally we see a glimpse of the shadow. I can imagine the feeling going through the character.

The mysterious stranger was vivid too.

It raises story questions as to who it is and why this is happening and I'm sure as we read on we will find out.

Well done.

I hope to read more soon.


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365
365
Review of Mourning Hair  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Dear Elizabeth, I'm so sorry if this is true. It's me er easy to cope with this kind of thing.

Either way you did a good job descrbing what is going on and why. The rhyming is on target too.

Thanks for sharing.


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366
366
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ruwth,

I liked how you left space between ea h tea room as we saw the roller coaster like progress toward getting this job. It sure can be nerve wracking. You get your hopes up and then it drops, then things progress and you're not sure how things will go, yet hope held out.

The tension can be seen as we read, but finally things become more clearer.

Good job on this one.


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367
367
for entry "~ My Children ~" 
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ruwth,

Good job on spacing this. It's simple yet meaningful and it's easy to understand.

It all comes together nicely as it progresses. The focus is the children.

The last line says it all about how dear our children are to us. There certainly isn't anyone or anything that can take thier place in our hearts.

Thanks for sharing this uplifting message.


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368
368
Review of 15 Editing Steps  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Deborah Owen,

This is another helpful article about editing and what to look for. It's information that anyone could use.

This part made me stop and think. Quite a while back I reviewed someone's item where the characters in the story were at a carnival and so the writer used exclamation points.

I do get it that it would be noisy but I felt it was overdone and told the writer that as best I could.

It didn't go over well as we disagreed, even though I did understand what she was trying to do.

I do have a question about that. How do you decide that too much is too much?

Here's the helpful advice you gave.
Don't use more than one exclamation mark per every 2,000 words!!!

Thanks for sharing.


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369
369
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Deborah Owen,
I'm here again on account of your anniversary. I decided to haunt yourvpirt. What I did t expect was to find a wealth of information that I can use also.

This item is explained well and so it's easy for anyone to understand.

I've seen writers overuse the dialogue tags. More than likely they're not realizing how that reads. It's good to have then read what they wrote out loud as it helps for them to see how repetitious it is.

Another thing is having a character speak and then we suddenly see someone else's thoughts in the same paragraph.

Anyway, when there's a lot of characters interacting that's when it seems complicated to know who said what, and you don't want to see dozens of dialogue tags I mean like fragments of conversation at a party for example.

I'm glad I got to see your items as I'm sure I can refer to it several times
In future writing.

Thank you so much.


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370
370
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Deborah Owen,

This informative item is well formatted. I like how you bolded some samples indicating what you're referring to. And then you explain why was h example works.

Even I hadn't thought about some of this. The L words and s words. I usually will use short sentences for action. So this gives me some fresh ideas to consider when writing.

Thank you for sharing. Happy anniversary!


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371
371
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Lyricite,

Things certainly start up in action,and so this has a good start as it raises story questions.

Ah the beautiful people who seem so enchanting. Who knew they'd suddenly change like flipping a light switch? Unfortunately they've taken someone and not by free will.

Who knows why it what will happen next.

NOTE;. I might have broken up the first paragraph. Where one thought was different from the next.

Also I wasn't sure why were told her brother was constipated. It seemed like a detail that might not be important but I don't know for sure unless it's some kind of foreshadowing for use at a later time. It might possibly be a problem that somehow allows allows soomeone to escape or leads him to a place where his sister is. The possibilities are endless.

Anyway, about the hazel-eyed guy.it's too bad he's up to no good. Of course the woman would be equally beautiful, who knows maybe it's all fake and she's got issues. Seen this happen a lot in real life. Things often seem what they're not. Kind of a "if it's too good to be true, its not true".
The last sentence says it all. You get that pain in your gut that things aren't going to be much fun. Here we are seeing her thoughts but you could also use some physical type things indicating stress.

Just an idea.

Thanks for sharing.




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372
372
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
hello Lyricite,

I may have missed something. Is the lady's name Nancy or Barbara?

Some if your paragraphs are long but not so long as to be a problem.

Here I think you meant--
felt the silk cloth beneath me slowly slipping as (I rose) rose

Well anyway, this is progressing along quite well as we learn more about these characters.

I will be here. Thanks for sharing.


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373
373
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again Lyricite,

Wow this story started out explosive. Tension came fast. Harley sure got me miunderstood. I've had that happened but people tend to jump to conclusions. Then again if they don't know I guess what do we expect if we don't tell them. Still, if you're like me I might not tell them at least not right away. Why? Firstly because of the hurt but later possibly to protect someone.

Anyway, looks like Harley instinctively doesn't trust Nancy. Well that and the fact that her own mother died not long ago.

Anyway it looked like an excellent start. At least we did see some empathy coming from Harley.

Thanks for sharing.



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374
374
Review of Normal  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Aries Writer,

I read your item and had to keep reading to see how things developed.

At first I thought this was about some other thing that happened at a young age them I realised what happened.

That's a young age to learn how some people are being adults. Although it wasn't such a great idea.

Children learn what they see but they also can see the effects of it unless it's well hidden.

Sometimes it's enough to say later no that's not for me.

You've hit rock bottom and realised it and found your way back a few times.

There were some paragraphs that were a bit long but overall it was easy to read and understand.

I don't know if this is fiction or true story but it seems real. And soo I reviewed it as real. If it is, it is brave if you to share it and to keep working on staying true.

Good job.


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375
375
Review of Fools  
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dark Fox.
I read your item. This love certainly shows there is something revealing deep feelings and longing.

Yet there seems to be uncertainty for some reason. It's a tension of some sort.

Love can be scary when you have conflicting feelings.

There is one area that might need editing it is here--

Now this time
"I love you"
Or both goes at the same time
Both blushing starring other's shoes
Too ashamed to look at other's red face
And crying
For each others warmth and love...


I think you meant.

Both staring at each others shoes.

It sad that these two just can't seem to get it together and honestly share thier feelings.

I mostly gave this rating because it seems heartfelt but it doesn't have form like a poem.

Thanks for sharing.


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